The Suttle Security Council Daily Briefing is now also proudly featured on
Mission Statement
©Mitch Industries, 2003
The Suttle Security Council Daily
Briefing is now also proudly featured on
Mission
Statement
Twain wrote: "The difference between the right word and the almost right word is like the difference between lightning and the lightning bug." With that in mind please allow me to show you the neat little periodically illuminated jar with holes punched in the lid for air that is Suttle World.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Mr.
Eraser just keeps coming up with good ideas.
As opposed to deleting these sage rants, why
not archive them for
generations to
come?
Suttle Security Council Daily Briefing Archives
Ron
Asheton dead at 60
...Ron Asheton, famed guitarist and founding member of the Stooges, was found dead in his Ann Arbor home this morning. He was 60 years old, and believed to have died of natural causes. Asheton and high school buddy Dave Alexander turned clean cut Ann Arbor record store employee Jim Osterberg into Iggy Pop. The rest is history. The first Stooges' recordings are now 40 years old, and stand up as if the tracks were laid down yesterday. In Suttle World's view, Raw Power, is as an important rock n roll album as Meet the Beatles. The LA Times currently has a good obit posted.
...The Constitutional, statutory and case law all point to seating Roland Burris as the new junior Senator from Illinois. Such technicalities haven't ever got in Harry Reid's way before, and they didn't yesterday, as the majority leader from Nevada continues to keep a brother down. A couple of finer points that may have escaped the gentle surfer as this cartoon like story has evolved: first, the Illinois Secretary of State issue is moot. Secretary of States certify elections not appointments. Second, Burris is not a Nazi---its just that his right arm is now stuck in the upright "sig heil" position awaiting a swearing in since being appointed by "Governor" Rod Blagojevich.
...Tulsa put a whooping on Ball State last night in the coveted GMAC Bowl, and Suttle World, along with the 627 that watched the contest remain thrilled to the point of incontinence. Word on the street has Florida taking on Oklahoma later this week in the 2009 Kickoff Classic.
...Tech beats Georgia 67-62 last night in a "rivalry" game that has become a rather ho-hum affair. Both schools begin conference play Saturday. Meanwhile, gentle surfers who are ardent fans of the mighty fighting Colonials of George Washington University are advised the team stands at a pathetic 6-6 as Atlantic 10 play is set to begin against Richmond Saturday. GW dropped a heartbreaker in their last outing to perennial powerhouse Longwood 80-78, in overtime, January 3. No, Suttle World had never heard of Longwood prior to crafting this graph. This is not good.
January 6, 2009 Franken-Burris 2012
...Al Franken and Roland Burris have each declared themselves Senators. Suttle World has declared itself benevolent despot of the universe, and has refused to seat either gentleman in the upper chamber until issues of law may be clarified. Just to make things fair, Suttle World is giving an extra vote to jumpin' Jack Jeffords until such time as the election and appointment are resolved.
...A most welcome 3-4 inches of rain are forecast for north Georgia and surrounds today---the eve of the 36th anniversary of the mother of all Atlanta ice storms.
...Given the incoming new Congress and Obama administration, such things would seem consigned to the minutiae aisle. Still, a measure designed to ensure women have the right to sue their employers for pay discrimination has passed the House but fell prey to a GOP filibuster in the Senate. Now it looks as though it will easily pass. Memo to incoming President Obama: you may want to check with the last Democrat elected president who Suttle World seems to recall signed a bill early in his first administration changing the rules of evidence in sexual harassment cases. Suttle World also seems to recall that it didn't work out so well when all was said and done. Just something to keep in mind..."upon further review," given the two First Ladies involved, this shouldn't be a big issue.
...Utah is not Brigham Young nor Boise State. They are undefeated and bitch slapped an Alabama team that had been ranked #1 for five consecutive weeks in '08. Given a ballot, Suttle World would put the Utes in the top slot. Props to Texas for last night's come from behind win to keep Ohio State's record 37 bowl game losing streak in tact.
...North Carolina, LSU, Texas, Texas Tech and Florida State round off the top five in the Rivals 2009 NCAA baseball poll. The Tarheels have come up short in the title game of the College World Series each of the last two seasons. Georgia is spotted at #10, while Tech holds the #14 slot. Play begins in mid February, about the same time pitchers and catchers will report to spring training.
January 5, 2009 And they're off
...Back, and before Suttle World forgets, a special belated thanks to Senator Larry Craig for helping to make 2008 memorable, and providing so much easy material.
...Where to start? Suttle World's New Year's shutdown (mandated by the current worldwide financial crisis) was productive, with many an erg expended, but, more importantly, the period also afforded ample time for good food, fellowship and fun. A special shout out to Matt and Kelly Bruner who flattered us with a most welcome extended visit at the western NC satellite HQ. Matt's New Year's Eve performance at the Back Room in Flat Rock was flawless, and a pictorial depiction of same is coming soon to a web browser near the gentle surfer along with further details.
...A full week away from the internet is not such a bad thing, and is now known to be doable.
...The legal/academic/Constitutional issues raised by the "appointment" of Burris to fill the Illinois Senate seat is fascinating. Watching Harry Reid sing and dance around the issue, now that's entertainment!
...The EPA's Advance Notice of Proposed Rulemaking (ANPR) for regulating greenhouse gas emissions under the Clean Air Act has proposed a $175/cow tax for the methane Elsie is unleashing on the planet. Methane, of course, is one of many gasses creating man-made global warming that is in a dead heat with the current worldwide financial crisis for making everyone die. Y2K has fallen way off the pace.
...Props to the Falcons on the most stunning achievement in the history of Atlanta professional sports for their appearance in the post season with a rookie quarterback and coach that could have won four all year, and been no worse for the wear. Alas, the season comes to a close for Falcon fans, but at least there was always the "its the Cardinals, anything could happen" thing working until the final gun.
...Strange days indeed---this time in the form of a poorly written email from the American Red Cross to Suttle World regarding blood donation. Here's the deal: the Red Cross advises Suttle World that a blood drive will be held near stately Roberts/Suttle Manor this week, and also goes on to point out that Suttle World is ineligible to donate at this particular drive, having previously done so in the past month, but is invited to provide a sample (in the form of a mouth swab) for the organization's blood marrow donor registry. The cost? White folks, $25. Everyone else free. "The actual cost of the testing is $52 per donor. But, since, by far the vast majority of patients that will die without a transplant are minorities, a grant pays the ENTIRE cost of minority donor testing. The same grant covers about half of the testing cost for Caucasian donors requiring the donor to pay only $25 to be tested." The ethnic ethical issues aside, given that the cost of a bone marrow transplant will easily run $500,000, it seems to Suttle World that the cost to typing potential donors could be absorbed by the various transplant centers around the country. Contact the American Red Cross for further information. The status-quo would require Suttle World to fill out infinite forms, wait in line and pay $25 to have its mouth swabbed, and then wait for the phone to ring only to learn that Suttle World has been matched to a patient in need, and enjoy large gauge needles being jammed into the back of its pelvis. What a deal!
December 27, 2008 '08 outaheya
...The crafting phase of the planned final edition of Suttle World for 2008 would seem to be a poor time for a case of BCS (blank cursor syndrome). It is not cause for alarm---merely frustrating because Suttle World will be technically deficient for the next week or so. Further updates are not impossible, just unlikely. Overstating the obvious: that Suttle World genuinely appreciates each and every gentle surfer that has strolled by Suttle World in the past year might be a good place to start. So, the gentle surfer is requested to re-read the previous sentence, and we'll get started. No gum please.
...Speaking of the western North Carolina satellite HQ upon where Suttle World is set to embark shortly, it would seem as though local Henderson County officials are quite happy with a just awarded $380,000 state grant to promote healthier eating in the area. Stop the music! Suttle World will gladly do the job for a mere quarter million with its "Eat carrots and move your ass" campaign for Henderson County. It won't work (just like whatever the $380,000 will be spent on now won't work), and the beefy will remain multitudinous, but the taxpayers of North Carolina could at least save the $130,000 difference. Its that, or the bailout for the Bank of Suttle will just be that much bigger. Pay Suttle World now, or pay it later---this way the gentle surfer or taxpayers would at least get a couple lame billboards and radio PSAs out of the deal.
...James Joseph Cialella Jr., is a 29 Philadelphia man who went to the movies Christmas Day. Seems as though old James was a bit perturbed by a nearby family that was talking during the show. He asked them to stop. They didn't. He shot them, returned of his seat, and continued watching the showing of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Police arrived soon thereafter. They were non-lethal injuries, and things did get mighty quiet in a hurry following the exchange. Yo, Philly!
...Suttle World Biggest of 2008 - Suttle World Stories of the Year
#5 Beijing Olympics - Suttle World leapfrogs the typically tedious event over Iraq in the AP poll of stories of the year. Phelps' performance, and the success of China's coming out party played out on the world stage.
#4 Gas Prices - Now at their lowest levels in five years.
#3 Economic Meltdown - Before the first weekend in October, the US was only $8-10 trillion in debt. Now its doubled. Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic, Council on Foreign Relations...both really silly sounding groups. Coincidence? Suttle World thinks not.
#2 US Elects Brother President - Enough said.
#1 2008 POFGC Champion Admiral Bill Swartzberg - The Admiral rolls in a four footer on number 18 at Mystery Valley, the final hole of this year's event, and captures the upset win of the fourth annual championship, or the "Fifth Major" as the tournament is now known in some circles.
...For what its worth, the cursor is still boldly blinking...
...The gentle surfer is given advance warning to reset their clocks one second ahead at the start of 2009. Suttle World gets why such seeming idiocy is important, but doesn't really get why its done on December 31. Why not leap day, Groundhog Day, Arbor Day?
...Three bowl games, and a host of college hoops mismatches dot the tube today, followed by the final week of the NFL regular season Sunday. A complete rundown of the ATL TV sports schedule is here for the clicking.
...Suttle World's favorite part of the holidays is that special combination of alcohol and family that makes the local news so entertaining. In other news, the Fox folks have confirmed that "Marley and Me" set a Christmas Day record with $14.75 million at the box office, despite patrons having to step over the bodies of those who had succumbed to malnutrition because of the Great Depression II. By Suttle World's math, the dollar figure translates into at least 5000 people having seen the flick to date.
...The favorite part of this year's holiday season is yet to come, as Kelly and Matt Bruner make an extended guest stay at the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite HQ next week. At this writing, it is difficult to believe that anything will top the excitement of Matt's Rockin New Year's Eve appearance at the Back Room in the Village of Flat Rock.. Gentle surfers who have failed to make arrangements may well be screwed. Suttle World will be hard to find the next several days. Just look for the spotlights in the sky over Flat Rock where revelers will have assembled for not only the gig, but also the traditional dropping of the rock at midnight.
...Again, there may well be another update for Suttle World in 2008 (too many football games, including the first round of the NFL playoffs to not get in a pick here or there). If not, publication will resume January 5 at the latest. "Change" was the most overused word of 2008, and it remains to be seen as to whether the political and social fabric of this great nation will be altered a rat's ass in the coming year. 2009 will bring, however, significant change to Suttle World. It'll be gradual, but the same Bat time, same Bat station come the end of '09 should look considerably different.
December 26, 2008 Tidying up '08
..."Honey, you know I love you, but I have busted my ass all year with a bunch of midgets, and just finished a 24 hour trip around the world. I still smell like a wet freakin' reindeer's ass, and I'll be damned if I'm not going to spend the rest of my vacation at your mother's listening to how 'you could have married the Easter Bunny and not had to live in that God forsaken place.'"
...Born to sharecroppers on a South Carolina cotton plantation, charted a top five song, played Catwoman on TV and went to the White House, basically, to call out Lyndon Johnson on the bullshit that was the Vietnam war (at great expense to her career). Not a bad run. Ertha Kitt was 81, and a very smart, talented woman who found her shtick, and sold it like mother for seven decades.
...Retail gasoline prices are at their lowest levels in five years. Those gosh darn hallucinations---Suttle World can clearly see an alternate reality from the ancient past of six months ago when unleaded was pumping around the $4/gallon level, and we were all going to die. Get these killer bees of of me!!!!!
...Suttle World Best of 2008 - Suttle World Sportsman of the Year
#5 New York Football Giants - Sure it could have gone to Eli, but the whole ball club made the huge stretch run, and much more importantly, provided viewers with a Super Bowl worthy of watching. The whole New York deal is pretty cool too, if the Jersey part is taken out of the equation. Number five, the 2008 Super Bowl Champion New York Giants.
#4 NFL Referee Ed Hochuli - Dude blew it. Just ask him, and that critical blown call may still have an impact on whether the Broncos or Chargers will make the playoffs. Immediately realizing his error, Ed apologized profusely to the affected team and coaches, and then personally answered every email from every asshole that somehow managed to get a hold of him to complain about his mistake. Ed wrote a personal apology to each---hundreds! Number four, great guy, occasionally confused, NFL Referee Ed Hochuli.
#3 US Open Champion, Eldrick - Wins the Open Championship and his 14th major in 91 holes with a broken leg. Honorable mention to Rocco Mediate who stared down boy wonder for the first 18 extra holes. Number three, Tiger, I sure hope this knee is good, Woods.
#2 Michael Phelps/Beijing Games - Stunning individual and team performances even if its in a sport about which no one cares. High drama, world records, and honorable mention to the Chinese for pulling things off reasonably well. Number two, Olympic eight time 2008 gold medalist Michel Phelps.
#1 2008 POFGC Champion Admiral Bill Swartzberg - The Admiral rolls in a four footer on number 18 at Mystery Valley, the final hole of this year's event, and captures the upset win of the fourth annual championship, or the "Fifth Major" as the tournament is now known in some circles. Confidently playing his Sponge Bob Square Pants balls to victory, the 2008 Suttle World Sportsman of the Year is, like Bobby Jones, Atlanta's own, Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic reigning champion Bill, the Admiral, Swartzberg.
Comeback of the year award goes to the Atlanta Hawks for putting a respectable product on the floor every night, and another big-time honorable mention goes to the Atlanta Falcons, who could still walk away from this weekend with a bye in the first round of the NFL playoffs. Amazing! Other mentionables include the Tucker HS Tigers capturing their first AAAA Georgia football championship in 45 years, late '08 Yankee spending, and the passing of Skip Cary.
...Third quarter numbers indicate that for the first time ever, the number of notebooks shipped is greater than desktop computers.
...Bio-engineering at home for fun and profit. Sounds kinda creepy in the AP piece, but very similar "do-it-yourself" behavior was invaluable to the "golden age" of microbiology a hundred years ago.
...Another day left publication wise for Suttle World in 2008---a number of payoffs and all.
December 25, 2008 "Happy birthday to you..." Christmas Day
...A review of the Suttle Security Council Daily Briefing Archives show a history of short, sweet Christmas updates, and there would seem little reason to deviate from the tradition this year. Stately Roberts/Suttle Manor remains peaceful at day break
...This
little ditty to savor in the absence of the
traditional Blue/Gray Classic from Mobile, Pulaski
Academy is the reigning Arkansas Division 5-A
football champion. This is brought to the
gentle surfer's attention only because the
13-1 Bruins prevailed with a deliberate season
long strategy of never punting the ball, and
onside kicking approximately 75% of the
time. Their execution was flawless.
Pulaski did not punt once during the season, and
converted on about 60% of their fourth downs,
including a 4th and 10 from their own 18 in the
state finals. Hmmmmmmm!? "Upon further review,"
Suttle World speculates that Bill James could
cipher some mighty interesting numbers from such
ploys---the onside kick deal too.
Actually, economist David
Romer did the study the question for the NFL a
decade ago. Bottom line: don't punt,
and Suttle World does not believe this is in any
way contrary to its increased quick kick
strategy. Where's a good flying wedge when
really needed? Celtics and Lakers are the
marquee matchup on the tube today, starting at
5:00 and the middle of five NBA contests televised
today.
...Merry Christmas to all. A couple of days of publication remain for 2008, and will include some details of the Matt Bruner rare western North Carolina appearance next week on New Year's Eve that are long overdue. In the meantime, cuzin Matt sends season's greetings in his latest stellar installment of
December 24, 2008 Christmas Eve doings
...Business first...Its Christmas Eve, the date when Suttle World typically drones on about how its almost over, and that today is the next to best day of the year/Christmas, when the whole tedious affair will be over. Suttle World simply cannot muster similar sentiment this morning, and highly suspects that the gentle surfer has failed in its previously assigned mission to create a nuisance. Plan B (and only because Suttle World is one hell of a magnanimous global concern): Suttle World's itinerary has it out and about during the daylight hours today at several locations (undisclosed to avoid the media frenzy). This affords the world one last big show biz chance at really pissing off Suttle World with last minute comings, goings, buyings and tithings, etc... Show some Christmas spirit. Get out there, and really piss off Suttle World! Memo to giant inflatable holiday lawn characters owners: leave the suckers on. Three or four turned off in the same yard resembles a drive by.
...Even with absolution granted, and the schlep of many miles scratched from the schedule, today is indeed a busy one in Suttle World, as the "all in-laws, all the time" holiday begins this morning with the traditional ministering to the grooming challenged enemy of the state. This is followed by a light lunch of finger sandwiches and tea---a prelude to the holiday whooping of nephew Ridge, who has chosen the nearby Wal-Mart parking lot for this year's beat down. The afternoon is filled with literal pageantry as niece Gwyneth delivers a no doubt stunning portrayal of Mary---a role Suttle World reckons to be the lead. Assuming at least one of the Saints of All Saints keeps the structure in tact, the evening moves to the home of neighbor Jill for an intimate gathering of Classic Village idiots. Mugs of mulled cider will be raised in cheer as a Duesenberger is roasted in what has become a holiday tradition. Christmas Day involves another assemblage of in-laws. This time at mother's of bride of Suttle World in a gathering for the great Christmas feast that will end the nutritional fasting of the past days when only empty calories could be consumed. Suttle World highly suspects a ham will be involved.
...Good ball game last night. No, really---the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl was a thriller with the Horned Frogs of TCU capturing a last minute win over #9 Boise State. The only contest to be had today is the pathetic Hawaii Bowl as the Rainbow Warriors host Notre Dame. Hey, Suttle World says it'll get a huge number. There are a lot of desperate people held captive around the country that will resort to anything for escape---even Hawaii v. Notre Dame.
...Belated news from the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite HQ...Past Sunday just wasn't Jesse Lee Owens' day. The 24 year old Brevard, NC native was speeding in the westbound lane of Frozen Creek Road, ran off the road and smack into an embankment. Jesse wasn't wearing a seat belt, so he was ejected and discovered DRT (dead right there) around 7:30 pm. The 2000 Dodge Neon that Owens was driving was reported stolen from the Pentecostal Lighthouse Church in Rosman around 8:30 pm. Justice is served, and the gene pool is mercifully thinned in one short moment. Now, if the insurance folk will just do right by the Neon owner, this is Hallmark moment---just in time for Christmas.
...The gentle surfer may well have seen more than wanted or will be subjected to coming countless replays of the 40th anniversary of Apollo VIII's Christmas Eve "broadcast." Regardless, the gentle surfer is encouraged to give it at least one spin/good look, and be advised, that if not cognizant at the time, the Earth truly did stand still, watch and listen. Suttle World also notes that today in the Faster and Louder brave new world of a seemingly infinite number of stimuli sources that near universal events such as those witnessed 40 years ago will never happen again---at least not in joy and wonder. It was really cool.
...Chris Matthews February 12, 2008: “I have to tell you, you know, it’s part of reporting this case, this election, the feeling most people get when they hear Barack Obama’s speech. My — I felt this thrill going up my leg. I mean, I don’t have that too often. No, seriously. It’s a dramatic event. He speaks about America in a way that has nothing to do with politics. It has to do with the feeling we have about our country. And that is an objective assessment.” Matthews' fawning was bestowed the Media Research Center's 2008 Quote of the Year Award in the group's 21st Annual Awards for the Year's Worst Reporting. Tough to argue. Its would be a fun page to play with if not so disturbingly unremarkable in the level of bias that is simply accepted as routine.
...Stockings to stuff, and the like. Merry Christmas to the gentle surfer and theirs'.
December 23, 2008 Numbers 1 & 2 on your hit parade
...Leonard Cohen's song "Hallelujah" is nice enough and everything, but two different covers of the tune currently occupy the top two positions of the British music charts. Suttle World finds this very odd. What Suttle World finds beyond odd is that this isn't a unique event. The first time was in January 1957, when Tommy Steele and Guy Mitchell held the top two places with "Singin' The Blues." "C'est la vie, say the old folks/It goes to show you never can tell."
...Left coasters concerned about California going broke in a couple months, should be comforted with the knowledge that the state has been broke for as long as anyone can remember. Taking on the role as the world's largest outpatient clinic 15-20 years ago or so probably sealed the deal. Suttle World can appreciate the indignation of the gentle surfer domiciled in, say, Nebraska, being forced at gun point to bail out California just as the Nebraskan can understand why federal crop insurance and numerous farm subsidies being taken by gunpoint and redistributed to say, farmers, might cause indignation in others. "Paging Aesop. Would Aesop please pick up the white courtesy phone?"
...The just sub .500 Gwinnett Gladiators offer some Christmas cabin fever relief with home games Friday and Saturday nights at the Arena at Gwinnett, and are a much cheaper evening than the budding Christmas Day movie going tradition. The hideous Thrashers take to the ice at Phillips Friday and Sunday, while the much more compelling Hawks take advantage of the hardcourt laid down in the same venue both tonight and Saturday when they take on Oklahoma City and Chicago, respectively. Mighty fighting Colonial fans will be up late waiting for a final score tonight as GW takes on Sacramento State, in a west coast contest that starts at 10:00 EST. Then its off to the Rainbow Classic in Hawaii, with Vermont set as the first opponent Saturday.
...The remainder of the media world is mailing it in, why not Suttle World? Bruner gig news is still forthcoming, and should be updated later today, but email Suttle World here to get on the VIP early ticket sale list for the time being. Publication should continue in a somewhat normal fashion for the remainder of this week, and then most likely cease for the remainder of 2008 through as long as the first Monday of 2009 (1/5/2009). The ensuing days of publication for this year will be devoted to a bit of whimsy as Suttle World ties up some lose ends, finally gets around to some stuff, and takes a long range look at Suttle World as it is now and has long been known.
December 22, 2008 Falcons playoff bound!
...Despite a run of success by the Braves that will be unmatched (13 consecutive Division titles) in history, generally speaking, pro ball has sucked in the ATL since the Falcons first set up shop as an expansion team for the 1966 season. The Braves moved from Milwaukee the same year, and the Hawks would arrive in '68 from St. Louis. The expansion Flames came with the opening of the Omni in 1972. Julius Irving was a Hawk for 25 minutes. The Falcons ran off Brett Favre. The Braves passed on Tom Seaver, only to later pioneer the free agent market with Andy Messersmith and Bruce Suter. So Falcon fans and the betting public had this season ready for a typical showing when play began around Labor Day. The Falcons should win about four of their scheduled 16 games, and continue on yet another "rebuilding" effort. Instead, Atlanta clinched a playoff appearance yesterday afternoon with a decisive win over a normally pretty decent Vikings team on the road. Simply amazing, and the greatest single achievement in the history of Atlanta pro sports---eclipsing the '96 World Champion Braves, '68 NASL Champion Chiefs, '94 Turner Cup winning Atlanta Knights, and Rick Camp's game-tying 18th inning home run on July 5, 1985 against the New York Mets, off pitcher Tom Gorman. Bravo! Though not an avid follower of the home team, Suttle World certainly salutes runaway Rookie-of-the-Year Matt Ryan, overlooked Pro Bowler John Abraham, and the entire organization on an amazing season that is a long way from over. The good Redskins show up to smash Philly in the mouth a week too late yesterday. The Bears must beat Green Bay tonight to stay alive, and then the NFL eschews any holiday play to wrap up the entire regular season Sunday, 12/27.
...Suttle World Productions has a major announcement forthcoming in the next 24 hours.
December 20, 2008 Blago boffo boob
...Gov. Rod Blagojevich is the gift that just keeps on giving. And Georgians used to the Slow Frank Harris put the goober in gubernatorial. Nice call Illinois---the Land of Lincoln and Indicted Officials. Actually, New York Times exhaustive research shows Illinois to be only the seventh most corrupt state in the nation if measured in terms of elected officials convicted of a criminal offense in the last ten years. Florida, with 824 is the big winner---the place where elected officials from Illinois retire.
...While
in the governor department, Arnold has ordered all
California state employees to take an extra two
days off (unpaid) each month for 
the
foreseeable future. The headlines scream of
"Furloughs." Suttle World sees
extra vacation.
...Suttle World does confess to feeling a tad guilty for the gentle surfers stranded in blizzard like conditions, or its aftermath, as they dutifully fulfill the call to shop the nation's way to a very merry Christmas, as instructed by Suttle World yesterday. The northern third of the country is under some sort of winter weather advisory. The roadside gentle surfers awaiting emergency workers to arrive are advised to be thankful for wireless access, and reminded that frostbite isn't as bad as advertised---ya most likely had at least 20 digits to start, what's losing a few here and there?
...Just in time for that last minute hard to buy for special person: its the Ronco Currency Press. Yep, print script just like the pros, as you crank out billion dollar notes with Chairman Bernanke on the front. Run the press all night, and bail out whomever you damn well want---friends, family, neighbors or major inefficient industries. There's no economic issue that can't be solved by 0% interest rates and the Ronco Currency Press---borrowing and printing the way to prosperity since 1933. Suttle World has come to believe this year's financial tumult to be merely a celebration of the the 75th anniversary of FDR taking office. Wait til the centennial!
...The
Celtics streak is now at 17 by virtue of a road
win over the Bulls last night. The Hawks win
a game against Golden State at Philips that is the
sort of game a real team HAS to win in this league
(home games against west coast opponents).
The Lakers finally drop one---to the Heat in
Miami, and though it turned out to be a runaway,
Lebron taking on D Wade last night was a game most
casual NBA fans would have like to have seen,
especially on a barren TV sports night. The
marquee matchup was "broadcast" on the
ESPN360.com In A Circle Over Your Head Double
Nekid Steak channel. Memo to ESPN:
just show the freakin
game that can be viewed on a TV by someone without
a national security clearance. Memo to the
NBA: this state of affairs aint exactly
helping your cause either.
...Late and poorly timed (like other major dailies, Suttle World's readership is down on Saturdays), but Matt's devoted readers will find his latest stellar installment of Bruner's Texas Takes, here, for the clicking>>>
...Quick shout out to cuzin Moke for his brief appearance at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor yesterday afternoon. The ceremonial gift exchange occurred and calendars set for Monday morning when the old boy embarks on the first of many inspections, detections, injections and all kinds of mean and nasty things that the post 50 regiment entails (so to speak). We thank thee, oh Lord, for mild sedation, surgical jelly and increasingly smaller gear---all products of a market based medical care system, Suttle World would hasten to add.
...Travel will most likely pre-empt Suttle World's Sunday publication.
December 19, 2008 Deep Throat swallows no more
...Mark Felt, the former FBI second in command and rather disappointing character to finally reveal himself several years ago as the Deep Throat of Woodward and Bernstein fame, shuffled off this mortal coil yesterday at the ripe old age of 95. As much as anyone, Felt, acted as the singular greatest source of inside information during the Watergate affair in a manner that makes the Spy v. Spy cartoons in Mad Magazine seem plausible, and, as a result, was as responsible as any individual in the eventual resignation of Richard Nixon. He died of being 95, but will live on forever as the answer to a "good" trivia question (a good trivia question being defined as a piece of specialized information that isn't really trivial---something you should've known, or be able to remember).
...The frequent gentle surfer is well aware that Suttle World typically just comments on the freak show that is reality, as it passes along like the Tournament of Roses Parade---only not really boring. Today, its a whole new ball game, and Suttle World must climb upon its bully bandwidth to strongly admonish the gentle surfer and his or her fellow American brothers and sisters. This is a tad esoteric, so Suttle World will start slow. No doubt the gentle surfer is familiar with signs. No, not neon or stop signs, rather metaphysical pointers. As an example: if the gentle surfer is at the track and wonders aloud about a particularly difficult race to handicap, and looks up to see Jesus, holding a Daily Racing Form, answer that he likes the number 4 horse, that's a sign. It snowed in freakin' Vegas Wednesday---the earliest on record. Chicago got nearly a foot as this weather system worked its way east yesterday, and this morning NYC is having 5-6 inches sprinkled on 5th Avenue. This is a sign, asshole! Winter wonderland---get it!!??? The economy sucks. Consumers drive two-thirds of the US economy, not Washington. Suttle World is not sufficiently annoyed by Christmas and now there's less than a week to go! If Suttle World isn't pissed yet, that means everyone else isn't doing their jobs! Deck a hall! Cram some bills into the red bucket---annoying bell and all! Buy some crap, and give it to other folks. All are directed to begin manic action in these and similar fashions to have Suttle World absolutely sick of Christmas by its arrival next week! Don't make Suttle World get up from behind this keyboard! Bobby Gentry hasn't shown up on SOTD in damn near four years, but he could. Now go---annoy Suttle World with your silly holiday happenings. Be a good American!
December 18, 2008 The mighty BCS
...Is
the gentle surfer in a state of nearly auto-soil
in anticipation of the New Year's Day tradition
that is the Orange Bowl---now the FedEx Orange
Bowl, a proud participant in the Bowl Championship
Series? Its Virginia Tech vs. Cincinnati for
God's sake, making the inability to control normal
bodily functions
understandable. Suttle World is pleased to bring
news that should allow the gentle surfer to unknot
their sphincters---just shake down the sofa for
$1.25. Actually, it may take up to $10 along
with shipping and handling, fees and the like to
get a ticket to the Orange Bowl that are currently
to be had on Stub
Hub starting at the above mentioned price
point. $15 and the gentle surfer is in,
easy; and then just park in the seat of
choice. The Hoakies may travel reasonably
well, but Suttle World has its doubts about Cincinnati
if Oscar Robertson isn't involved; and the
indigenous population was last reported to not
give a rat's ass about any stinkin' college football
game of any variety. The bottom line:
Suttle World sets the over/under at 50,000 for the
number of fans that will show for the holiday
tradition that is the 2009 FedEx Orange Bowl from
Dolphin Stadium dressed as empty seats.
Thanks again to the BCS for getting this whole
NCAA thing worked out just the way everyone
wanted. TV execs must be equally thrilled.
...The Hawks drop another heartbreaker to the Boston Celtics last night, who came from behind to extend their winning streak to 16 with an 86-85 squeaker of a win at Philips.
...Only seven shopping days left...morning duties call...a quick early Christmas gift for Al Gore >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
December 17, 2008 Celtics showdown tonight
...Sporting
a 15 game winning streak, the defending champion
Boston Celtics come to Philips Arena tonight to
play a Hawks team that took the champs to a full 7
games in the first round of last year's
playoffs. Boston is 23-2 on the young
season. Suttle World finds it most curious
that the game is off the board at every sportsbook
checked this morning. Very strange
indeed
.
...Currency Trading For Dummies is, honest to God, a title in that incredibly successful "how to" library. Amazon says, "Many who bought this book, also invested heavily with Bernard Madoff." Suttle World warned some time back that publishing Nuclear Arms Programs For Dummies would eventually come back to bight the world in the ass, and look at Iran. Another notch in the Suttle World "told you so" belt.
...Some lucky gentle surfers in some thirty yet named cities will evidently have the opportunity to shell out $20 at a theater to see the BCS suck in 3-D. Needless to say, Suttle World is incontinent with giddiness over the possibility. Barf bag sold separately. Which brings to mind that age old question---when knee dragging, sorority chick drunk in the southern hemisphere, does the room spin in the opposite direction?
...Minor league computer geek banter...the gentle surfer that uses Microsoft's Internet Explorer 7, may want to download, and finally give Mozilla a shot---at least until the new security patch arrives from Gates and Company later today. Evidently a serious security flaw has been found in this particular version of IE. Suttle World has been a proud user of Firefox's Mozilla browser for several years now, and highly recommends it as the default internet tool.
...ABC will be more than happy to tell the gentle surfer all about the upcoming Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve 2009. Guest stars, times, everything but Dick---an understandable state of affairs, just makes the name a little creepy.
...For all of Suttle World's chiding (some deserved, some not) only two weeks remaining in what will have been the worst financial quarter the world has seen since the Great Depression. Its bad, and could get worse. The good news is that the three nearby supermarkets each still have a single aisle devoted to nothing but pet food. Few, if any, Americans shop in a landfill for the groceries, unless by choice. Now, get out there and buy something stupid!
December 16, 2008 Its a mad mad Madoff world
...OK, so the Madoff dude, the former NASDAQ president, evidently scammed some $50 BILLION before his arrest earlier this week. Given the names on the list of those that were had, and the amounts involved, the story is staggering, but, in the NWA economy in which the world now dwells, the losses may be less than real. Yes, that folding chair Mort Zuckerman took to the head looks like it hurt, but, fortunately for Mort and his big buck buddies, there's no need to fear, the Securities Investor Protection Corporation is here, and may well guarantee all $50 billion of the lost investments in what is being termed the world's largest ever Ponzi scheme. Billy Joel was unavailable for comment, despite voice mail at Joel's residence that extols his virtue as one of the great artists in the history of western civilization.
...The Federal Reserve is expected to cut their benchmark rate in half today to .5%. In response, Dirk Bremen, CFO of the Bank of Suttle, took time from his hectic Washington schedule, to announce that the Bank of Suttle would immediately begin issuing $50,000 notes at .75%. "The windows open at 9:00," said Bremen in a hastily called press conference, adding "all deposits will be fully backed by the full faith and credit of the United State of America through the Securities Investor Protection Corporation.
...A week of riots later, and Greek police have run out of tear gas---now making pleas to both Germany and Israel (yep, Germany and Israel) to send in reinforcement canisters. Seems as though they only had about 4500 on hand when the mayhem broke lose. Oprah!
...Suttle World was surprised the Arena Football League cancelled its 2009 season. The league says it is not folding shop, and Suttle World is actually buying what little company line there is to digest---at least for now. These guys may be smarter than would appear. If the now nearly two decade old league was staring dead into the eyes of a heap big money losing season, why not just take a year off?
...If there is any doubt about the incredible talent of Don Imus, try listening when he's not on the air---just another morning zoo, albeit with very talented people. Imus is one on a drop dead top 10 list of radio talents in the history of the medium.
December 15, 2008 Falcons playoff hopes alive and well
...The Atlanta Falcons and Tampa Bay Buccaneers collected 23 of the 127 points scored yesterday in the NFL, with the elderly Jason Elam booting the last three in overtime, as the Falcons earned their ninth win of the year, and remain very much in the playoff hunt. The permutations are too numerous to get into at this point, but Tampa and Dallas also have 9 wins, and it would appear that two of those three teams will be the wildcard entrants for the NFC. The teaser fails late into the night, largely because the Giants failed to show on offense. Alas, some years are better than others, and this is turning out be one of the others for Gene, the Caucasian.
...Shrek, the musical is coming soon to Broadway, and if true to form, throngs will line up to pay over $100 to take in just what this dragging economy so desperately needs: another musical. Just so the oral history of the culture is continued...Boys and girls, back in the olden days, actors of great renown, played dramatic roles on the Great White Way, and didn't bust out in a lame tune during the middle of the scene, largely because, in reality (a portion of which the production was attempting to replicate), folks rarely bust out in show tunes in the middle of conversations---excepting, of course, for one segment of the population that doesn't count in this particular situation, because they're all involved in putting on the show.
...Orwell would be proud. The global warming morons are actually stipulating the cooling trend the earth has seen over the past decade, and submit it as evidence of man made global warming. Tomorrow: "up is down" day, and don't forget "less is more" Wednesdays at Suttle World or a Nobel laureate appearing soon near the gentle surfer.
December 14, 2008 Hawks tame James
...The Atlanta Hawks built an 11 point second quarter lead, and nursed it the remainder of the evening to end Cleveland's eleven game winning streak 97-92 at Philips last night with Suttle World in attendance. 19,200 others turned out for the affair that saw the Hawks play solid basketball wire to wire against an obviously fatigued Cleveland squad. A few thoughts about LeBron after seeing him up close and personal for the first time. As Bobby Jones said of a young Nicklaus, James plays a games with which Suttle World is not familiar. He put up a quiet 33, but could obviously score against anyone from anywhere on the floor, and Suttle World believes the singular factor that puts Bron on a "higher spiritual plane" is superhuman strength. The ball seems lighter in his hands, gravity less imposing... This kid is better than advertised, and it was a privilege for Suttle World to get that particular notch carved into its belt. Philips is holding up well, and is a good arena on a number of levels. That said, the banner bereft building hanging one in tribute to Widespread Panic selling out 17 shows over the past eight years is beyond lame on a number of levels.
...The NFL...a crew worked feverishly through the night at the Georgia Dome---changing out turf panels (end zones and the like) and vastly narrowing hash marks as the gridiron is altered from that of the Georgia high school championships of Friday and Saturday to this afternoon's 1:00 game between the Falcons and Bucs. For the Falcon fan, this is HUGE. Win today, and Atlanta most likely will make the playoffs---a feet Suttle World maintains would be the singular greatest achievement in the history of Atlanta pro sports. The gentle surfer should not be confused. The '91 Braves were more fun. The 2008 Falcons making the playoffs is more impressive (and that would be dwarfed by the Dolphins getting into the post season this/next year). Suttle World's beloved Redskins get a second bye week today in Cincinnati, assuming the Bengal like Skins aren't the team that gets on the bus at the hotel. The Gene, the Caucasian, page still needs work, but will at least update today with a much more enthusiastic Pick of the Week. Of course, its the tried and true, three team, six point teaser (net): TB +9 @ ATL; TEN +3 @ HOU; and NYG +9 @ DAL. Pays 9:5, and is much needed to be a winning ticket to get the balance sheet back towards at least being balanced. The four point underdog Hawks paid a stingy +$145 on the money line last night, but easy 3:2 money is easy 3:2 money. Idiotic and inexplicable NFL TV rules leave the ATL a wasteland on the second from last Sunday of the regular season with a single 1:00 and 4:00 game available to those without the dish deal.
...The net...Google's admission that they maybe sometimes use editorial discretion in determining some search results as opposed to the company line of "all computer, all the time" is indeed staggering, but Suttle World also finds it uplifting that Gov. Blagojevich will have a consulting gig waiting when released from custody at some point in the future.
...About 800,000 idiot Yankees are still without power this morning, and more are expected to lose their juice as thawing limbs begin collapsing on power lines. A couple inches of ice and its as though the world stopped turning on its axis. Suttle World's wishes all those affected to be smug and warm.
...The Wall Street Journal reported yesterday that the Obama stimulus package will add up to $1 TRILLION, and no one affiliated with the transition team has been willing to comment, meaning the spending will total over a trillion. In all fairness, getting comment from the Obama camp is difficult, given most entered the Federal Witness Protection Program, after Blagojevich was indicted. Presumably, some will resurface, given 4-5 million folks are expected to show in DC for the inauguration---a staggering total, if true, and a tremendous shot in the arm for the tourist dependent economy of the area. The enterprising gentle surfer is advised that it can buy t-shirts in bulk imprinted with Obama's name, likeness, and platitudes for a dollar a throw. They'll fly out of the gentle surfer's hands at $10-15/each in such an environment.
...Props to President Bush on his most dignified farewell in Baghdad this morning, despite the inescapable conclusion that with or without WMDs, the previous regime in Iraq in no way posed a threat to US vital interests.
...Props to Florida pizza delivery dude who successfully fended off an armed attacker with a pepperoni pie. The gentle surfer is admonished that pizzas don't kill guns. People do. Unless there's a cane gun involved, in which case, all bets are off.
December 13, 2008 Tucker wins 1st state title
...Tucker High School is old, ugly and currently a particular eye sore as it is in the midst of a much needed new facility being built on the cramped campus where classes have been held since 1918. Ninety years and forty-eight minutes later, the Tucker Tigers captured their first ever state championship with a 15-3 win over arch rival Marist last night at the Georgia Dome. As the scoreboard would indicate, it was a smash mouth affair with Tucker out smash mouthing (322-71 in the total yards department, 74-27 downs from scrimmage) the War Eagles, while hitting the superfecta too---scoring by field goal (x2), safety, touchdown and PAT. Buford beat Calhoun to capture the AA title in the opener, and the 2008 AAAA Georgia Football Championship belongs to Tucker High School. Worthy of repeating is the aforementioned construction. The gym has been appropriated for its much needed space, and a great deal of class time is spent in a UN refugee camp looking trailer park like thingy. No athletic team has an onsite practice facility! In other Tucker HS news, for those keeping score at home, nephew Ridge continues to schlep his own special trail of tears to proudly graduate as a member of the class of 2009. Today its a triple header at the Dome, beginning at 1:00 with the A title game when Wesleyan takes on ECI (?!). The AAA game is at 5:00 between Flowery Branch and Cairo (that's "Kay'-row", as in the corn syrup, for them's who's not from round heh), followed at 8:00 by the big one, Godzilla, the AAAAA title game between Peachtree Ridge and Camden County. Suttle World isn't completely nuts. This is the first year the five finals, as opposed to 10 semifinal games, have been played at the Dome---a nearly 15 year event. The move has been controversial, and no official attendance was announced for the night, but all seemed to agree the 10,000+ would have simply overwhelmed high school facilities. A larger throng is expected today.
...Suttle World wishes today's games would return to their non neutral sites as its attendance is required this evening at next door Philips Arena to catch the Hawks, coming off a grueling road trip, to face LeBron and the Cavaliers. Of course they're comps, and damn good ones that Suttle World and bride of Suttle World shall utilize to behold the boy wonder, and the upstart local guys. Props to the Hawks for a good road win last night in Miami. A few thousand ducats would appear left, but Suttle World would expect walk ups to make for a sell out---a most refreshing change of pace for pro hoops in the ATL, and one Suttle World will endure. Put a good product on the floor, and Suttle World will go watch for free, especially if Bron is in the dark unis.
...Great grandma Suttle World would be proud. Stately Roberts/Suttle Manor is self-sufficient. Well, it is at least when it come to good, old-fashioned half and half---a guilty indulgence of the Manor. Borrowing from the old Reese's "you got peanut butter on my chocolate...," bride of Suttle World returned from her Friday of whipping the western world exclaiming in horror that during her visit to Costco on the way home she had mistakenly bought two quarts of heavy cream. Coming to the rescue is idiot Suttle World, who ignored the newly opened gallon of milk in the chill chest earlier this week, only to purchase a second big ass jug. The clever gentle surfer can see Suttle World working here. Yes, well before dawn, with its very own hands, Suttle World mixed one part of the extra milk with one part of the aforementioned mistakenly purchased cream into a bottled water container that was opened and emptied just for the occasion. There is indeed satisfaction in crafting things for your family with your own two hands. Little Manor on the Prairie.
...Reflecting
upon having devoted considerable time writing
about coffee over the past two days causes Suttle
World to have a greater of appreciation for Celest
ine
Sibley, and exactly from where she was coming. Was she ever married to Larry King?
...In case you missed it, as was the case for Suttle World, the show should be close to a repeat this evening, as an almost full moon makes its closest pass by the Earth in the past 15 years. By all accounts, its well worth the looksie. Yes, the gravitational pull is greater, with high tides running a foot or two higher than normal for full moon periods. No, while it appears huge, its not THAT much closer. There's an optical illusion deal that makes sense when Suttle World reads it, and makes no sense at all when Suttle World explains it.
...The ATL weekend TV sports lineup is here for the clicking.
...At this writing, Judge James Bodiford is preparing to sentence Brian Nichols. Prosecutors, and those who cheered on their crusade for the death penalty have already received justice, when the jury took execution off the table yesterday by virtue of being hung 9-3 during the sentencing phase. Nichols went on his shooting spree at the Fulton County Courthouse in March 2005. The trial cost the taxpayers several million dollars, and got them right where they would have been had the death penalty never been put on the table: Nichols serving the remainder of his life in a maximum security prison.
...Both overland and by Lake Michigan, insurgents believed based in Gary, IN, have successfully occupied large sections of south Chicago---filling the power void in Illinois created by the continuing Blagojevich scandal. A press conference has been called this morning by a group that claims to be a coalition of the rebels who are said intent on advancing on Springfield if unopposed by the state that is currently is in a state of suspended animation of dumbfounded awe at the stupidity of the governor. Stay tuned to Suttle World for breaking details.
December 12, 2008 Tucker for the title
...For only the second time in the last 45 years, the Tucker Football Tigers have advanced to the Georgia state championship game, and kick off against arch rival, and long time nemesis, Marist for the whole enchilada at the Georgia Dome tonight at 8:00. Sounds like condemnation by faint praise, but such is not the case. Tucker High School, the 90 year old DeKalb county institution, currently resembling a third world nation following a level 7 earthquake in its rebuilding phase, has advanced to the semifinals seven of the last nine seasons, but failed to close the deal, and now find themselves in their first title game since 1963. Marist is a regional foe in addition to being among of the best AAAA programs in the state, and gave Tucker their only loss of the year---an early season 37-0 beatdown. It should be great. It will be televised. The AA final between Calhoun and Buford get things started this evening at 5:00. Three games are on tap for tomorrow, with the AAAAA marquee matchup between Camden County and Peachtree Ridge is set for Saturday at 8:00. All can be seen of Georgia Public Television.
...As
is the case in most of the western world, coffee
is the jet fuel that propels Suttle World.
The beverage is every bit as fascinating a study
in history as it is impressive in the increased
productivity which the brew has visited upon the
world. Admittedly, the protocol at stately
Roberts/Suttle Manor ri
ses
above that of jamming some Maxwell House
into the percolator. Instead each carafe is
individually ground from decent quality beans, and
then brewed with a Bunn machine that Suttle World
finds true to the its hype in being superior to
the standard issue Mr. Coffee drip
contraption. Above average/the call/the
pale? Perhaps, but Suttle World is flexible
regarding its coffee consumption. This is because
Suttle World is also honest enough to admit its in
this game for the caffeine. The finest
brewed cup of decaffeinated coffee makes about as
much sense to Suttle World as non-alcoholic
beer. Why anyone would consume either
is an absolute mystery to Suttle World.
"Just some water, please. Yeah, the $2
a half liter bottle with the deer standing in the
stream on the label. The deer that just took
a dump. Yeah, that one." Somehow
this meandering gets us to Starbucks.
The record is clear that Suttle World is in the HDM
camp with regard to the whole foam thing, and only
patronizes the company when held hostage by an
airport or travel park along the Jersey
Turnpike. Still, Suttle World has always
admired the incredible success in getting throngs
to stand in line in order to be compelled to learn
and speak a foreign language for the privilege of
paying $4 for a cup of coffee.
Genius---Scientologists just stand back and say,
"damn!" Suttle World isn't going
to help the cause, but props to
Starbucks---insufferability and all. Same
deal with the golden arches. Sure.
McDonald's is the poster child for the obese
nation that is the US---probably the single
biggest contributor, but only for those who signed
up for the program, Suttle World would hasten to
add. Bringing all this disjointed stuff
together are the current coffee wars. Macs
is calling out Starbucks with the "$4 is
dumb" campaign. This is great, and how
will the Kumbaya crowd surrounding the barista
respond? Dunkin' Donuts (the heavyweight
champion---leader in cups/day sales) is
piling on too with taste test spots punking
Starbucks. This is fun. Suttle World is so
easily amused. Time for a refill too.
...Change
in strategy. Weary of remaining in line
seated in a lawn chair outside the Treasury
Department waiting for a bailout for the Bank of
Suttle, Mitch Industries CFO, Dirk Bremen, has
hired a homeless man to keep his que while Bremen
saunters up Capitol Hill in an effort to get money
directly from Congress. Bremen will testify
that Suttle World requires only a half billion
dollar loan to ensure that its automobile division
will not lose money or have to lay off any
employees in the coming fiscal year. Of
course, there will be long difficult nights in the
executive offices of Suttle Motors to make the
whole thing work, but with good old fashioned
American ingenuity, aided with a half billion
dollar loan, it will persevere.
...Rested, tanned and ready---no, its not the return of Dick Nixon on the big screen. Instead its another welcome visit from cuzin Matt as he and Kelly settle in from their recently completed American journey in the form of yet another stellar Bruner's Texas Take>>>>>>>>>
December 11, 2008 TV to die for
...Has the gentle surfer, after scanning TV offerings at any given time, come to the very depressing realization that such programming is the mother's milk of the American mind, and, as a result, felt a desire to swing from its own shower curtain in an attempt to escape such a dreadful reality? Of course, the gentle surfer, by virtue of checking in this morning has not checked itself out (successfully), but the compulsion is understandable when faced with a spate of My Mother the Car marathon weekends. Fear not, the Brits have the next best thing: just watch others kill themselves on TV. Yes, the master of the hit or miss, Rupert Murdoch, this time with his Sky TV's Real Lives digital channel, broadcast a live suicide of a terminally ill American who had traveled to Switzerland for the festivities Tuesday night. Suttle World is well aware that such depictions have existed in more than sufficient numbers for many years, but cable television takes things to a whole new level. Suttle World believes the program to be a symptom of an ethos that would make Freud mad enough to toilet train his mother.
...The US Senate Committee on Environment & Public Works (EPW) webpage provides a more detailed account and the appropriate original source links, but suffice to say that sanity is running a rather successful rebellion---wreaking havoc at the UN global warming conference currently underway in Poland. A group of over 650 scientists have basically called out the naked emperor that is the notion of man made global warming as absolutely specious; and just dumber than dirt, Suttle World would hasten to add. The group directly indicts the findings of previous UN Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change reports that basically buy into the whole Al Gore idiocy. Snow fell in Houston yesterday---the earliest ever recorded for the southeastern Texas city. Siberia recorded temperatures yesterday below -80°F. Average global temperatures (data about as relevant as the average number in a phone book, but one in which the Gorites seem interested) have fallen each year for the past decade...
...We thank thee, oh Lord, for Gov. Blagojevich, and the tremendous amusement he continues to visit on these dark and dreary days. "Now serving Candidate #5. Candidate #5 to customer service window, please."
...Not only has Suttle World come around on the current Depression, it has also come around on the epileptic like spewing forth of freshly printed dollars by the federal government for various bail outs, loans and the like. Grandma and grandpa signed on for the "New Deal." Mom and pop cheered on the "Great Society, so Suttle World" will now reluctantly sign off on the "Great Bailout in the Decade Without a Name"---just so long as its guaranteed to keep the house of cards together another 30-35 years. The aging process, like those of the other stages of life, brings with it fascinating phenomenon that are almost universal, such as Buicks, enlarged prostates and the joining of organizations such as AARP (American Association of Retired Persons) and SUCK (Screw the Up Coming Kids). "Here son, have $15 TRILLION of debt. Now you get to figure out how to pay it off. Don't thank me. We all had to not sacrifice through a lot of hard times to accumulate so much. In my day we only had Rubik's Cubes and sudoku as brain teasers.
...Seems as though members of the Georgia General Assembly hooked up in Blairsville yesterday and were told by one Jim Williams, president of Southern Highlands Mortgage, that “in northeast Georgia...we’re in a housing depression.” Upon learning of the news, Suttle World made the necessary phone calls, and an appropriate professional is scheduled to perform an evaluation on stately Roberts/Suttle Manor early next week to determine its emotional well being. Suttle World is generally disinclined towards the administration of selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors (SSRIs---Zoloft, Paxil, Cymbalta et al), but if deemed necessary, the Manor will take its medication as prescribed. Depression is treatable, and stately Roberts/Suttle Manor shall be treated.
...Stuff to do...Matt's up tomorrow!...14 shopping days left...be me cheesy.
December 10, 2008 Heap big Mit)hness in Springfield
...Suttle World nearly made comment yesterday regarding having seen/heard Illinois governor and former Polish porn star, Rod Blagojevich. Old Rod was a guest on Cavuto Monday afternoon, expressing indignation that Bank of America had received bail out money and then pulled the line of credit from an Illinois door and window manufacturer that, in turn, closed its own doors (did they make them in house?), eliminating 200 jobs (more about that later). Suttle World found the governor to sound more like the second in command at the United Window Makers Local #137 than the head of the fifth most populace state in the Union. Inarticulate and unfocused---Suttle World thought it amusing, but now understands the governor's distraction. Two word memo to Gov. Blagojevich: Craig's List. Sure, a scamster could sneak up on the governor's mansion and hit you over the head, pretending to be there to buy the Senate seat, but, generally speaking, its a more anonymous means of selling stuff, including appointments to high office. EBay makes you use a credit card to sell. What a stooge. What was the final asking price? Did he ever get paid? If so, who paid the most? Remember the small Midwestern college president fired earlier this year after pictures of him beer bonging with bikini clad co-eds surfaced? Blagojevich makes college dude look like freakin' Solomon. There is a fine line between hubris and stupidity---this particular incident may lurk in the tiny zone where the two overlap. This "a higher spiritual pl