Archives---October, 2008

October 31, 2008    Suttle World Exclusive - Halloween canceled

..."(SNN) The venerable adult holiday of Halloween has been cancelled, at least for 2008, said Dirk Bremen. a vice undersecretary of the Government Accounting Office.  We're certain that any disappointment experienced by the spend lots of money and puke on your shoes crowd, punctuated with frequent annoying doorbell sounds, will be more than offset by the feeling of civic pride created by the savings of energy, money and common sense."  Suttle World regrets having to break this story, but a duty is a duty.  The gentle surfer may well be compromised to the cancellation, believing that in the current worldwide depression, there would be little fun to be had.  Wrong, jack-o-lantern breath!  The industry did not expect to ring up its usual $5 BILLION in sales on Halloween gear.  Instead the estimate for 2008 is $5.75 BILLION!  Ah-ha, says the budding economist.  In bad times, folks spend more to escape day-to-day economic pressures; and the cub economist may well be onto something.  "Hey Phyllis, we're in debt up to our eyeballs, and two months behind on the mortgage.  What say we drop a few hundred bucks on costumes that we'll wear four hours, and drink enough to puke on our shoes?"  Its a train of thought that many follow, with the only problem being that these same people also have voter registration cards in their wallets.  Atlanta + Friday + Halloween = a true traffic nightmare that no amount of Hollywood special effects could match in its the angst and horror created. A final public service in this area:  the Do It Yourself Network site has no info on disabling doorbells, but does offer this page on fixing the little ding-dong.  Just reverse the instructions.  A ball-peen hammer also works well (on the doorbell and the trick or treat crowd).  Actually, this year could be good training.  Given the economic apocalypse, learning to beg for food door-to-door is a skill worthy of mastering.

...Southern Culture on the Skids may be a good band, but there was no way of making a determination after taking in a performance last night at The Earl.  Suttle World was unaware that ATL mayor Shirley Franklin had included a ban on sound checks in the city's efforts to conserve energy.  Aside from unintelligible vocals, a rhythm guitarist who Suttle World highly suspects wasn't plugged in, and a bass potted up to the level that would make any ghetto dweller proud, it was well worth the $15.  Suttle World understands that travel is more expensive these days, and touring performers are certainly not exempt.  Still, saving a few bucks by hiring your drummer from a day labor pool just prior to the gig usually doesn't work.  Suttle World also greatly enjoyed the four for one instrumental ditties SCOTS performed, with each of the foursome simultaneously playing a different song.  Interesting concept.

..."(The Hill) Sen. Norm Coleman (R-Minn.) has sued Democratic opponent Al Franken for defamation, claiming that Franken's television ads make false accusations about Coleman being the fourth most corrupt senator in Washington."  Suffice to say, Suttle World would very much like to depose both parties---cross-x from the gods.  Memo to Norm:  please see New York Times v. Sullivan.  You're a public figure just like Franken---your moronic, goat humping, crack selling, child prostitution ring operating opponent.  Email Suttle World here, for info on where Suttle World will accept service.

..."PR Newswire -- Just 5 days before the election, at 3a.m. on October 30th, all of the front windows of the Cindy Sheehan for Congress campaign offices were shattered. Although staffers had been in the office less than an hour earlier, no one was in the building at the time of the incident. No one was hurt and there were no witnesses. Cindy Sheehan is a candidate for Congress in California's 8th Congressional District race against incumbent Nancy Pelosi (D-CA)."  Suttle World finds this most distressing, believing society, especially the incredibly enlightened constituents of San Francisco,  had long since passed the point of picking on the mentally retarded.

...Early duties truncate this morning's update.  If traveling in and around the metro ATL by auto today, the gentle surfer is reminded to make sure it is well stocked with water, non-perishable food and blankets.

October 30, 2008    Phillies win title

..."(AP)  PHILADELPHIA – Now that they've won the World Series, the Philadelphia Phillies get to celebrate with a parade down Broad Street on Halloween. Their costume problem is solved. They can go dressed as champions."  Suttle World will now pause as the gentle surfer tidies up, having spewed its breakfast across the room upon reading the diabetic coma inducing lead above penned by alleged "baseball writer"---the AP's Ben Walker.  Yes, the Phillies win a weird one, and it occurred to Suttle World as Brad Lidge recorded the final out at 10:00 sharp, that it was an appropriate time for a game to be ending.  Of course, they only played two and a half innings---picking up game five that was suspended Monday (and again Tuesday) in the bottom of the sixth with the score tied at 2-2.  Props to the Phillies.  Come 2035 or so, it'll be time to do it all over again---win a World Series, hold a parade, and then have each and every person associated with the organization get the hell out of Philadelphia (the historic Newark) as soon as possible.  This is not to be confused with Tampa Bay---the place with the stupid ballpark located in a state composed of filled in swamp where one can baste in one's own juices 350 days a year.

...Generally speaking, Suttle World has been rather impressed with the manner in which the Obama campaign has been run.  Whoever has been running the show did not put together last night's half hour info-bore.  Suttle World enjoyed meeting real Americans who are struggling.  Suttle World was especially touched by the elderly couple that still has to change its own light bulbs and bend over to get the paper out of the driveway each morning.  The first family was moving as well.  Suttle World isn't sure exactly what their problem is---excepting an apparent lack of understanding of human reproduction.  One blue collar income, so the geniuses decide to have four kids, and wifey-poo has difficulty understanding why the one paycheck doesn't go as far as it used to.  Dude has a torn ACL, and can't afford the step down to his disability pay to "afford" to take the time off for the procedure.  The camera then pans to one of the gaggle finishing pee-wee football practice.  Suttle World speculates that the $400 of gear the kid was wearing plus entry fees and miscellanea might allow dad to get his knee fixed.  And then there are the hundreds of thousands of Americans with the incredible onus of raking their own leaves---much tougher in this difficult economy.  Regardless, a President Obama would help these poor suckers.  Why or how?  Don't ask stupid questions!  He cares, and that's all that's important.  Then the big finish---a cut in to a live rally in Florida that just happened to switch with the candidate finishing another idiotic "change" line.  Six year olds knew it was staged, and Suttle World was left bewildered.  Why not just welcome the national audience and proceed?  Overall, it was awful.  Unfortunately the earlier portion of the campaign has not been.  Less than 140 hours until    Jimmy  II.

...SYDNEY (Reuters) – A bitter row has broken out between one of Sydney's largest tourist pubs and a family of five who accused chefs of serving human excrement in their gelato after they complained about noise during a football match.  State government food minister Ian Macdonald confirmed on Wednesday that frozen fecal matter had been found in a serving of chocolate gelato offered to placate pub patron Steve Whyte and his wife Jessica, who became "violently ill" after eating it."  Local official, Mayor McCheese, was unavailable for comment.

...In a desperate attempt to escape the annoying rite that is Halloween, the Bruners have taken to the road---leaving the Lone Star state entirely, and report in once again as cuzin Matt provides another stellar installment of Bruner's Texas Takes.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

October 29, 2008    Early turnout undecided

...The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, the nation's worst major daily newspaper that has seen a 13% decline in circulation this year has, quite rightly, recently featured extensive coverage of the long wait many in the metro ATL have endured in early voting.  What the august news organ has failed to do is inquire as to exactly how many people have cast early ballots, and determine a sum those numbers.  Suttle World will save the elementary explanation of addition for another day, and stipulate that the number is considerable.  Suttle World and bride of Suttle World witnessed a building wrapped with early voters Monday, before abandoning the good citizenship exercise, and agreeing that at this rate, no one eligible will be left to vote come election day.  Turnout is going to be huge, but somehow, Suttle World cannot see a six hour line at Brockett Elementary School---within the shadow of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.

..."(AP) WASHINGTON – Federal Reserve policymakers are expected to slash a key interest rate by a half-point, pushing the federal funds rate down to 1 percent, as they wrap up a two-day meeting Wednesday.  The prospect of another sizable rate cut, coming just three weeks a half-point move that was coordinate with a number of countries, sent the stock market soaring on Tuesday, pushing the Dow Jones industrial average up by 889.35 points, its second-biggest point gain in history."  Suttle World is simply keeping score at this point---analysis is left to those who pretend to understand.  Meanwhile, rutabaga futures were up markedly on Asian markets overnight.  And this just in:  "(AP) NEW YORK – A surprise gain on big-ticket manufacturing goods is adding to already upbeat sentiment on Wall Street a day after an enormous surge in stocks. Stocks are poised to open higher."  Evidently six weeks of hand wringing in the financial world has not stopped folks from buying refrigerators.

..."(AP) PHILADELPHIA – The World Series may resume tonight, weather permitting. Monday's suspended game is scheduled to resume tonight at 8:37 p.m. EDT with the Rays and Phillies tied 2-2 in the 6th inning. The Phillies lead the Series 3 games to 1.  The weather forecast for Philadelphia calls for clearing skies by early afternoon, with temperatures in the upper 30s by nightfall.  The Phillies and Rays drew the worst Game 5 television rating in history for Monday night's 5 1/2-inning suspended game. So far, the television numbers are down 20 percent from the current record low for a full World Series which was the St. Louis-Detroit series two years ago."

..."(AP) WASHINGTON – Someone in your house have the sniffles? Watch out for the refrigerator door handle. The TV remote, too. A new study finds that cold sufferers often leave their germs there, where they can live for two days or longer."  What the research fails to prove is that anybody gets sick as a result of the little buggers being present (excepting the usual suspects:  little kids, the elderly and immuno compromised).  The presence of a pathogen isn't enough.  There are dosage levels to be met, and a reasonably well equipped immune system can more than compensate for the overwhelming majority of the pesky microbes the gentle surfer may encounter during the coming cold and flu season.

October 28, 2008    Suttle World readership passes AJC

...The recent worldwide financial wackiness has not felled the tried and true American business axiom:  if your product sucks, sales are likely to drop.  "(AP) The Atlanta Journal-Constitution['s]...circulation declined 13.6 percent, the largest drop among the [USA's] 25 largest papers [in the first six months of 2008].  The paper increased prices and reduced its distribution footprint by a third to 49 counties. Some of the counties dropped weren't even in Georgia and were more expensive to reach, said Bob Eickhoff, the paper's senior vice president for operations."  Seems as though the AJC, and other major dailies, are drastically reducing content, that has reduced readers, and created a big drop in ad revenue.  This makes perfect sense to Suttle World.  What Suttle World doesn't understand is as to why any news organ would employ such a strategy.  And yes, the typical gentle surer in and around the ATL probably wouldn't have noticed, but as the story mentions, the price of a daily copy is now 75¢ (that's damn near a dollar for a Monday paper that was printed the previous Wednesday!)---up a quarter from the already outrageous price.  Suttle World predication:  the next price move of the AJC will be to make the paper free---its going to be the only way to get people to pick it up for use as packing material, insulation, etc...  Newspapers aren't dead---just in hibernation for an indefinite period of time.  AM radio had a similar slumber during the 70's and 80's, but now draws an equal number of listeners as the FM side of the dial---an unimaginable state of affairs just 20 years ago.

...For those keeping score at home..."(The Guardian-UK) Autumn's market mayhem has left the world's financial institutions nursing losses of $2.8 TRILLION, the Bank of England said today, as it called for fundamental reform of the global banking system to prevent a repeat of turmoil "arguably" unprecedented since the outbreak of the first world war."  Given, the sub-prime lending idiocy is said to be the root of all this, Suttle World speculates that if all sub-prime loans had failed, the cost to world markets would have been 1% of the unfathomable number above.  Three percent of US home loans did not cause this mess.  It gets better from the same piece.  "Gordon Brown [UK's Prime Minister]  insisted yesterday that it was right for the government to increase borrowing in order to fund investment to help the economy through tough times. But he moved to reassure markets that he would not preside over a reckless increase in borrowing during the recession and said he would reduce it as a proportion of GDP once the economy picks up."  Government (UK, US, anywhere in the developed world) will just keep borrowing money to give to folks who have demonstrated an inability to manage it indefinitely until things get better.  Meanwhile, the Nikkei saw its biggest gain in over 15 years overnight, and US futures are up some 200 points at this writing.  BITD the "bug's" (nickel and dime illegal lottery---usually in inner city neighborhoods) daily number was determined by the last three digits of the total number of shares traded on the NYSE on any given day.  Suttle World is now of the opinion that Wall Street should use the three digits of the daily number drawing/ping pong ball extravaganza to set market prices.

...Game five of the World Series will try to resume tonight at 8:00, though weather in the Philadelphia area appears to be threatening once again.  Play was halted in the bottom of the sixth last night, with the score tied at 2-2.

...Perhaps Tennessee is all that.  Yes, the Colts are a much older team with a pretty awful defense, but one simply doesn't expect the Titans to hang 31 on anyone, much less an upper echelon team.

...The appropriate sentence for Senator Ted Stevens (R-AK)?  Locked in a one bedroom apartment with Jack Murtha for five years while "Its A Small World..." plays continuously.

...Second verse pretty much same as the first..."(AJC) HUD also hosted a forum for real estate professionals on selling HUD foreclosures and participated in the 7th Annual Affordable Housing Conference in downtown Atlanta, put on by three nonprofit groups. Much of the discussion there focused on the federal government’s new $3.92 billion Neighborhood Stabilization Program, which gave money to states and communities so they can buy and refurbish or demolish foreclosed homes. The program is part of the Housing and Economic Recovery Act of 2008."  No mention of qualified buyers, with decent credit and debt to equity ratios.  If only the government could get people into homes they can't afford...

October 27, 2008    Equities' suckapalooza continues

..."(AP) LONDON – World stock markets slumped again Monday with the Nikkei index in Japan closing at its lowest in 26 years as the financial crisis drove up the yen, piling the pressure on the country's exporters."  DOW futures are down nearly 200 points at this writing, and there's still a ways to go as mutual funds purge many of their holdings following the freak out of folks who are foolishly selling after receiving 401K statements in the mail over the past week.  Suttle World still believes that sanity could return in the form of a Santa Claus rally, and leave the market over 9,000 before year's end.

...The gentle surfer is belatedly given a welcome to hyper daylight Mit)h time.  Charts and graphs from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration indicate sunrise should break sometime around noon this week in and around stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.  Cursory research conducted since the implementation of the daylight saving time on steroids indicates an increase in energy usage, but why miss the chance to screw with a perfectly good working clock when the occasion arises?

...Gene, the Caucasian, finally breaks a dry spell.  The teaser pays, despite a big league hose job administered to the Falcons in the fourth quarter by men in striped shirts.  Suttle World doesn't think the blown calls changed the outcome of the game, but it did potentially affect the point spread (aided by the extra six points afforded by the teaser).  Elsewhere in the NFL, the Giants look like a really good football team, as opposed to the best the NFC East could muster this given season.  Yesterday's win in Pittsburg was most impressive.  The Redskins hang on to beat the lowly Lions, and Jason Campbell has now thrown 360 consecutive passes without an interception.  At the half-way point, the NFL standings look like this.

...The Phillies take a commanding 3-1 lead in the World Series with a 10-2 blowout of the Rays last night.  Philadelphia will have the chance to win their first ring in 25 years tonight.  First pitch is set for 8:30.

October 26, 2008    Ravens Pass wins Breeders' Cup

...A shockingly unsavvy betting public and simple chemistry allowed Suttle World to accomplish what it believed to be the impossible yesterday afternoon:  successfully handicapping a Breeders' Cup card.  Suttle World picks four winners in the seven races to which it paid attention, including Ravens Pass and the Classic's exacta for a rather successful afternoon from Santa Anita.  It would have been a modestly successful afternoon for the Suttle World cash box. albeit in the face of many Suttle World handicapping biases---one of which is not to favor horses that ship from Europe without any American starts under their belts.  That said, Euro horses who run very respectable times while winning Grade 1 stakes races, and then ship to the US to receive the blessing of three little magic words:  FIRST TIME LASIX, and then are allowed to go off at 15:1 or such, make for easy money money making.  Typically, if a big black "L" is published next to an entry in the Daily Racing Form, old ladies will be run down in the stampede to the betting window to back the beast being drugged for the first time; but yesterday, perhaps perplexed by the synthetic surface, simply going across the board on any first time lasix receiver would have amassed a very profitable day.  For the gentle surfer not familiar with the sport of kings, yes, that's the same lasix that aunt Lillian takes for her high blood pressure.  It makes Lillian pee, and allows most horses to breath better during a race when they typically suffer very minor bleeding in the upper respiratory tract/every oxygen molecule counts at this level of running, man or animal. Most horses will run a couple fifths (of a second, says elderly Suttle World still trapped in a fractional universe that finds the decimal conversion annoying) quicker on the stuff. The drug is a staple of the sport in the US, and, generally, banned in Europe  Other Beyer speed figure values abounded on the board most of the day that could have been epic had more than one exotic paid.  Suttle World does truly miss thoroughbred racing, but even given a budget and TVG connection and account with which to seriously partake, playing on TV/PC just aint the same experience.  Profit wise, Suttle World can see the great advantages of having one's charts and graphs at hand in one's own environs.  No, the Gene, the Caucasian, updates did not come yesterday as advertised.  Saturday was occupied with the Cup races, sundry escapades and clicking to check on....

...College football.  Basically, most everyone behaved for a change.  Upsets included Carolina's thumping of BC that will allow them to trade places among the ranked once again.  Tech falls at home to mighty Virginia---that stands alone, atop the ACC Atlantic Division (Maryland and FSU are tied in the Coastal)!?  NBC news has put Wyoming in Georgia's column, so they beat LSU 52-38---the inverse of the evening's juggernaut in which Penn State remained unbeaten with a 13-6 win over Ohio State in Columbus.  Like most of the known universe, Suttle World finds it difficult to believe anybody can beat Texas, but there's #8 Texas Tech next Saturday night, and that gosh darn Big 12 Conference championship game with which they'll have to contend.  Let the odyssey continue to unfold.

.,.Freshman Kaitlin Waring recorded an assist as the Endicott women's soccer team rolled to their 14th straight game without a loss with a merciless 7-0 drubbing of Anna Maria Saturday afternoon in Beverly, MA.  The Gulls (13-2-2, 12-0-1) take on Tufts Wednesday in the last match of the regular season.  The TCCC tournament begins with quarterfinals November 1.

...Betraying its southern heritage, today marks an autumnal "happening" that simply escapes Suttle World.  At this writing, throngs in the region are preparing to sit in traffic for four hours for the privilege of paying big bucks to observe other vehicles make left turns for over three hours along with 120,000 of their warm, close, personal friends, and then wait in four hours of traffic to get back to the trailer.  It bewilders Suttle World at a level rivaling the annual pre-dawn Independence Day gathering of the 50,000 underwear clad at Lenox.  Suttle World suspects the dirty little secret to be that many must attend one or both events as a condition of parole.

..."WASHINGTON (AP) - The bailout is now the hottest lobbying game in town.  Insurers, automakers and American subsidiaries of foreign banks all want the Treasury Department to cut them a piece of the largest government rescue in U.S. history."  Unmentioned, is humble and loveable Dirk Bremen, who remains in line outside the Treasury department in the same lawn chair waiting for the bail out bucks for the Bank of Suttle that failed miserably in the recent financial crisis, and now requires $2.5 billion in assistance.

...The uncertain gentle surfer is reassured that the third game of the World Series began last night shortly after 10:00 in Philly following an hour and a half rain delay, and that eventually/~1:45 am Sunday the Phillies prevailed 5-4 to take a 2-1 lead over the Rays.  Game five is tonight at 8:00.

...Finally, after being darkened last weekend by technical difficulties on the road, Gene, the Caucasian, makes a triumphant return and attempts to return the bankroll to the black.  Its back to the tried, true and yet to be cashed three team, six point teaser (net) ATL +15 @ PHI; ATL @ PHI under 51; and SD @ NO over 40.  Pays 9:5.

October 25, 2008    Sports tsunami

...Today is the day when the endless hours spent in the gym with the clicker pay off, for the channel, it'll be a changin' early and often.  (For the record, the previous hideous sentence has been submitted to the mixed metaphor committee for consideration).  Where to start?  Noon may be the best place when Carolina kicks off in Chapel Hill against BC.  No, not a clash of the titans, but anytime Carolina get a whiff of the polls, makes for an interesting and different atmosphere.  The nine races that make up the Breeders' Cup/Super Bowl of thoroughbred racing cranks up with the mile and a half Breeders' Cup Marathon at 1:10 (EDT) from lovely Santa Anita.  The featured Breeders' Cup Classic has a scheduled 6:45 start.  Georgia at LSU fills the afternoon college football appetite---setting the table for tonight's marquee matchup between Penn State and Ohio State, a contest that competes with game three of the World Series from Philadelphia.  Lovely, simply lovely.  Suttle World has yet to devote sufficient time to the charts and graphs surrounding today's horse racing action, and will post a special Gene, the Caucasian, set of picks as the day continues. They may be numerous---coming prior to each post, so keep hitting that refresh button.  Entries for today's card are here.  A complete rundown of the ATL's weekend TV sports diet is here for the clicking.  Finally, the Endicott women's soccer team looks to extend their unbeaten streak to 14 in a noon match at home against Anna Maria.

...The rumblings of Suttle World's bowels are indicative of Georgia being in play come election day, but if Georgia is in play, the contest is not, and Suttle World will have at least been right about confidently being able to go to bed early Tuesday night---just picked the wrong guy, per:  usual.  FYI---the aforementioned rumblings are believed to be correlated with a steady diet of video of those standing in line to vote early.  Suttle World thinks its a done deal, unless Dick Nixon's silent majority is still alive, well and prepared to have a 95% turnout.  Suttle World believes that latter scenario highly unlikely, and prepares for the really ugly flashing boards---not from Wall Street, but the pin ball machine like network election night coverage.

...US equity markets were less irrational than expected expected yesterday, plummeting merely 300 points on the 79th anniversary of the infamous 1929 crash, and local gasoline fell to $2.07/gallon.  Happy days are here again.

..."Upon further review," Suttle World will discuss the recent alleged correlation between the aroma of flatulence and hypertension only by stating that the long lost Pizza Ring of Sandy Springs fame may have been responsible for creating the best regulated blood pressure in the history of modern medicine---at least for the operators of ugly-ass, orange Pontiacs.  Over 30 years have passed since the great passing, and the ancients still speak of it frequently with wonder---pointing to their  missing eye brows as evidence. 

...A night of debauchery in Tucker, and Suttle World sends out props to cuzins Bill and Lori for joining in on the wild Friday night that began with dinner at Los Hermanos, continued with drinks for most at Sangria's and culminated with a hedonistic attempt at Password upon return to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor & Inn.  No naked midgets chained in the basement were harmed in the revelry.

October 24, 2008    Rays even series at one all

..."(AP) ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. – Squeeze plays, a wacky checked swing and a fresh face out of the bullpen. These plucky Tampa Bay Rays pulled out all their tricks at Tropicana Field to tie the World Series.  James Shields stymied the slumping Philadelphia Phillies, rookie David Price got the final seven outs and Tampa Bay rebounded from a rare home loss with a 4-2 victory Thursday night that made it 1-all."  The World Series now moves to Philly with game three set for Saturday night.  FYI---the games are much better than the perky, undecipherable AP leads reporting on same.

...At this writing Dow Futures are down over 500 points.  Six more trading days are left in October, so Suttle World will skip to the chase.  Its not as good as having tomorrow's results from Aqueduct, but its a look to the future..."(AP)  World markets ended the worst October in history today with each major index closing at zero.  Economists said the meltdown of each and every financial institution and paycheck cashing liquor store on the planet was the result of an announcement by Treasury Secretary Paulson that an exhaustive investigation had revealed that there was on $48.12 of cash in the entire world.  "Initially, we thought there was more money, but turns out we were wrong."  Compounding the revelation was the news that the remaining $48.12 would not be sufficient to make the Visa minimum payment in November."  First and foremost, the global economic woes now being seen are more the result of panic than any fundamental money and banking principle (or principal if the gentle surfer prefers).  Second, the gentle surfer can be certain that this is in no way Alan Greenspan's fault.  If in doubt, just ask him.

..."(AP) LONDON – About half of American doctors in a new survey say they regularly give patients placebo treatments — usually drugs or vitamins that won't really help their condition. And many of these doctors are not honest with their patients about what they are doing, the survey found.  "It's a disturbing finding," said Franklin G. Miller, director of the research ethics program at the U.S. National Institutes Health and one of the study authors. "There is an element of deception here which is contrary to the principle of informed consent."  There are also those pesky little issues of theft, fraud and failure to treat (all criminal) that are raised.  Memo to placebo prescribing MDs:  when you're finished not practicing medicine, God would like a call back about some pain in his lower back.  For the record, this is entirely an ethics issue with Suttle World.  On a practical level, if it works, it works, regardless of what's in the pill.

...No, Suttle World will not discuss the recent alleged correlation between the aroma of flatulence and hypertension.

,,,"(AP) MOSCOW – A Soyuz capsule carrying an American and two Russians touched down on target in Kazakhstan on Friday after a descent from the international space station, safely delivering the first two men to follow their fathers into space."  Asked as to what they had been doing during their weeks aboard the space station, the astronauts said they had no idea, but that they enjoyed the ride and the Tang.

...It comes once a year, just like Christmas.  "LONDON (Reuters) – A naked man was arrested on suspicion of burglary Wednesday after getting stuck in the chimney of the Tesco store he was allegedly trying to steal from, police said."  Suttle World doesn't understand why the annual naked, stuck in the ventilation shaft dude is always arrested.  He's already detained, and unlikely to go anywhere in the near future.

...Suttle World Public Safety Announcement:  Bill Campbell, federal inmate #56204-019, is to be released today from a halfway house in West Palm Beach, FL (the bad side of town though).  Campbell, who has been collecting his Atlanta mayoral pension while imprisoned the past two years, said he has no immediate plans for the future.  Suttle World suggests a new hobby like stopping cars on the interstate with your bare hands or standing beneath falling Sequoias.  Its all the rage, and, at this point of the game, is probably best way for old Bill win friends and influence people.

October 23, 2008    Phillies take series opener

...Far from the potential sexy matchups that would have left the head counters at Fox drooling, the Philadelphia Phillies defeated the upstart Tampa Bay Rays 3-2 last night in the first game of the 2008 World Series.  It was an honest to God big league ball game that would entertain any true baseball game that could make it to midnight on a Wednesday.  Game two is set to start at a much too late 8:30 at Tropicana Something (whatever the stupid building in which they play in central Florida is called).

..."(The Trail.com) MINNEAPOLIS -- Stepping back into the campaign spotlight, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) came to Minnesota tonight to urge the election of comedian-commentator-candidate Al Franken to the Senate.  "Al Franken was taking on the vast right-wing conspiracy before other people even admitted it existed," she told a crowd of 2,000 supporters on the University of Minnesota campus, urging them to give her rival, Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama, a filibuster-proof margin in the Senate. "Al Franken, with your help, can be our 60th vote."  Suttle World continues to investigate this story.  Did Clinton think she was hosting SNL?  Memo to Hillary:  first, the "vast right wing conspiracy" has become a laugh line in the American political lexicon right next to "where's the beef?"  Second, if you've got to drag out that hackneyed verbiage, why do it for Al Franken---the penultimate, big, fat, smug, elitist, limousine liberal who is about 50 IQ points short of where he thinks he's plotted on the bell curve.  Suttle World can only conclude that even in the cold climes of Minnesota, that the meteorological axiom still apples:  its not the heat, its the stupidity.

...The incredible traveling and hypoxic Bruners check in on their latest foray---this time into the great sorta north-west in a brief update from what they believe to be Colorado that comes the form of another Texas Take.  May the oxygen be with you.

October 22, 2008    McCain found; tearful reunion with campaign

..."HARRISBURG, Pa. (AP) - Republican John McCain told voters in this key electoral state Tuesday he was personally tested by the same kind of crisis that Democratic vice presidential nominee Joseph Biden warned Barack Obama will almost certainly face if elected president."  McCain, who was held prisoner by unknown forces during the first six weeks of the 2008 presidential campaign following the Republican convention, said the experience had taught him a valuable lesson:  "if you run a shitty campaign, you're apt to lose."

..."(AP) San Francisco would become the first major U.S. city to decriminalize prostitution if voters next month approve Proposition K[Y?---damn, I'm funny]—a measure that forbids local authorities from investigating, arresting or prosecuting anyone for selling sex."  Or so goes the company line.  As the gentle surfer is well aware, prostitution has long been legal in all 50 states and the District of Columbia.  Its called dating.

..."NEW YORK (CBS/AP) ― New York's transit agency is testing digital advertising screens on the sides of buses.  The screens can target ads for specific neighborhoods. The ads, which resemble TV commercials, could even advertise coffee in the morning, and beer after work.  Titan Worldwide has a 10-year, $800 million contract to sell ads throughout the city's bus and commuter-train systems. The company says GPS technology allows it to change the ads based on the buses' locations."  New York is a diverse city with too many unique neighborhoods to list, and there's a good line that could follow each.  The possibilities are mind boggling.  This could take the fine art of stereotyping to heights previously unimaginable.

..."(AP) NEW YORK – Wall Street headed for a sharply lower open Wednesday as investors again shifted their focus away from improving credit markets and fixated on corporate earnings that are raising worries about a deep and protracted recession. Ahead of the market's open, Dow Jones industrial average futures fell 250, or 2.76 percent, to 8,785."  "(AP) Booming sales of the newest iPhone led Apple to a stellar fiscal fourth-quarter report, defying predictions that the tumultuous U.S. economy would hold the company back."  Suttle World is confused.  We're all going to die, but it will be while standing in line to pay $12 for a movie and babbling on a $500 Swiss Army Phone.

...The Endicott women's soccer team ran its unbeaten streak to 13 with a 3-1 win over the University of New England yesterday.  The Gulls (12-2-2, 11-0-1) hold a commanding lead in the TCCC with two games remaining in the regular season.  The conference tournament is set to begin November 1.

...For the wagering gentle surfer, Tampa Bay is a 2:3 (as opposed to 150:1 in March) favorite to win the World Series that begins tonight in Florida.  Philly is listed at 13:10.  Suttle World has heard speculation that Philadelphia action is attractive to offset possible losses from prop bets should the long shot Rays prevail.  Suttle World says bullshit, and will give 5:2 and go under 100 for the number of prop wagers the Rays garnered in all of Vegas before the season began. 

October 21, 2008    Atlas giggles

...Suttle World just loves a good story.  "(The Guardian - UK) Andrew Lahde's $80m Los Angeles-based firm Lahde Capital Management in Los Angeles made a huge return last year by betting against subprime mortgages.  Yesterday the 37-year-old told his clients that he had hated the business and had only been in it for the money. And after declaring he would no longer manage money for other people, because he had enough of his own, Lahde said that instead he intended to repair his stress-damaged health; he made it clear he would not miss the financial world.  "The low-hanging fruit, ie idiots whose parents paid for prep school, Yale and then the Harvard MBA, was there for the taking," he wrote. "These people who were (often) truly not worthy of the education they received (or supposedly received) rose to the top of companies such as AIG, Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers and all levels of our government," he said.  "All of this behaviour supporting the aristocracy only ended up making it easier for me to find people stupid enough to take the other side of my trades. God bless America."  Lahde became one of the biggest names in the investment industry when one of his funds produced a return of 866% last year, largely by forecasting the US home loans industry would collapse.  In his farewell letter, which concluded with an appeal for the legalisation of marijuana, Lahde said he was happy with his rewards and did not envy those who had made even more money.  "I will let others try to amass nine, 10 or 11 figure net worths. Meanwhile, their lives suck," he wrote..."  Let's see if Suttle World can distill this even further.  The US version of candidates for upper class twit of the year (the wealthy mouth breathing inbreeds) go broke conspiring to sell loans to those who can't make change for a dollar, much less pay an escalating mortgage (the poor mouth breathing inbreeds), as thirty something dude makes millions hedging the universe's surest thing to a slam dunk bet:  human stupidity.  And they all lived happily ever after.

...Meanwhile, Wall Street rallied yesterday after Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke testified that another bail out package was pending in the hopes of running the 2009 federal deficit past the $1 TRILLION level.

...Suttle World has a whacky idea.  For reasons good, bad or indifferent, the housing sector of the economy is in a depression, and much of the other financial mess flows from there.  As opposed to throwing hundreds of billions of dollars that don't exist at the entire economy, why not just let the fed stand behind state and municipal bonds---the ones that earn a non-taxable yield?  The gentle surfer is repeatedly told that the nation's infrastructure is crumbling, and that there won't be a need to build another house for the rest of this decade.  Tax free, 5% bonds would attract a lot of capital that could be used to hire private contractors to remedy the roads, bridges, sewers, etc... so desperately in need of repair or expansion.  Such an endeavor would require workers of the type most drastically affected by the current "global financial woes," as investors find a "safe haven" and decent return on investment.  Just a thought---not as complicated as a 500 page bill that spends $700 billion on nobody knows what, but an idea nonetheless.

..."(AJC) Las Vegas — Coca-Cola Co.’s top executive urged the beverage industry Monday to step up its fight against claims that it bears much of the blame for the nation’s obesity problem, especially since the souring economy and health concerns over carbonated beverages could shrink U.S. drink sales this year."  Its a tight rope to walk:  "Our product doesn't make you fat. Your consuming 26 servings of our product a day does."

October 20, 2008    Obama camp to bail out worldwide financial crisis

..."WASHINGTON (AP) - Barack Obama raised more than $150 million in September, a stunning and unprecedented eruption of political giving that has given him a wide spending advantage over rival John McCain."  First:  that's the AP's version of cub reporter Jimmy Olson, Jim Kuhhenn, penning the previous lead that plagiarizes the phrase "a stunning and unprecedented eruption" from the opening sex scene of a bad romance novel. The point:  the price any given gentle surfer will pay for nostalgia fascinates Suttle World---ranging from the quaint few bucks for an obscure sports card to the idiocy of shelling out $800 for a Josie and the Pussycats lunchbox.  Obviously, the 70s are hot.  Americans collectively bought the lunchbox by shelling out $150 million in September (the McCain campaign has a total $84 million via public financing as prescribed by law that Senator Obama found inconvenient) for the Jimmy Carter era.  Its a theme that could work.  Energy policy:  all Americans must drive Gremlins.  Overnight, dependence on foreign oil disappears.  Gremlins get real good gas mileage.  In fact, they use no gas at all, because they don't run.  A 20% prime lending rate worked.  Combined with double digit inflation, it led to stagflation (another blast from the past with which the gentle surfer better become (re)acquainted)---a lovely state of affairs that had Bangladesh thinking about holding a relief concert for the US.  Yes the highest marginal tax rate was over 70%, the entire economy sucked, and President Carter was in the process of decimating US intelligence and military might that would come back to haunt.  Still, evidenced by nothing more than this morning's rant, it was survived.  Actually, folks were born, got married, divorced (in herds), lived and died in a fairly reasonable manner despite the "malaise" created by the nice man in the sweater, sitting next to the fire on TV---telling Suttle World where to set its thermostat.

...Twas connectivity issues at the western North Carolina satellite HQ that felled Suttle World's publication Sunday.

...Twas the law of averages (and a pretty decent Tampa Bay team) that felled the Boston Red Sox last night---unable to overcome a postseason 3-0 or 3-1 deficit for a third consecutive year.  Philadelphia schleps to Florida to take on the Rays in games 1 and 2 of the World Series Wednesday and Thursday nights, before returning to Philly next weekend.  For the record, the preseason Vegas props on either team winning their respective pennants were:  Philly 20:1 and Tampa Bay 150:1. 

...Not a compelling week seven in the NFL, with things going pretty much as expected.  Notable:  the Colts appear to have gotten much older almost overnight;  Suckapalooza continues in big D, as the lowly Rams hang 34 on Cowboys, and authorities attempt to contain the naked dancing in the streets around stately Roberts/Suttle Manor;  Tennessee remains perfect at 6-0, and may be on their way rivaling a Chicago squad from a couple years ago that was the worst 14-2 team in NFL history; and speaking off the Bears, they beat Minnesota 48-41, and in doing so, the teams equaled the total number of points scored in their previous 107 meetings combined.

..."(Sky News) North Korea is set to make an "important announcement" on Monday amid speculation over the health of its leader Kim Jong-Il, a Japanese newspaper has reported.  The Sankei newspaper said there was speculation within Japan that the announcement could be about Kim's death or a change in government brought about by a coup."

"LOS ANGELES (AP) - Mr. Blackwell, the acerbic designer whose annual worst-dressed list skewered the fashion felonies of celebrities from Zsa Zsa Gabor to Britney Spears, has died. He was 86."  Blackwell died in a ruffled, ill fitting hospital gown that was a lovely shade of nausea (and caught everyone's attention for damn near 50 years).

October 18, 2008    Gone fishin'

...Weekend at the western North Carolina satellite HQ gives little incentive to add what are typically sager Saturday rants.  Instead, below is a cut and paste of Ken Sendra's obit of Levi Stubbs that was published on allmusic.com.  It is an incredible loss of one of the twentieth century's great voices.

 "It’s hard to imagine the voice of the Four Tops ever being stilled. It was so huge, so tough, so full of everything that make life worth living (love, hope, heartbreak, pain) that you’d figure somehow Levi Stubbs would live forever. Sadly, Stubbs passed away today at home in Detroit after a long illness but that voice, and the songs he sang, will never die. You know the hits. They are massive and timeless, glittering products of the Motown machine like “Reach Out (I’ll Be There)”, “Standing in the Shadows of Love”, “I Can’t Help Myself” and the awe-inspiring “Bernadette”. Songs that Stubbs destroyed with his gravel-throated howl and his raw, exposed soul. If you dig behind the songs you can hear daily on oldies stations around the globe though, you’ll find some pretty great songs that Stubbs (and the other three guys, Abdul “Duke” Fakir, Renaldo “Obie” Benson and Lawrence Payton, who all stuck together for an unheard of 43 years!) knocks out of the park as easily as tying his shoes. (By the way, that’s Stubbs on the left in a rare photo in which the Four Tops weren’t standing shoulder to shoulder.)  While his singing for the Four Tops defined his career, after all he never released a solo record of any kind, it would be wrong not to mention Stubbs’ stellar work as the voice of Audrey II in the 1986 movie version of “Little Shop of Horrors”."

October 17, 2008    Back to Tampa

..."(AP) The Rays blew a seven-run lead in an 8-7 loss to the Boston Red Sox in Game 5 of the ALCS, cutting their lead to 3-2 in the best-of-seven series."  The series returns to Tampa Bay for game six Saturday night.

...Democratic party investigators have uncovered evidence that indicates Joe, the plumber, may be the illegitimate grandson of Josephine, the plumber, sources close to Suttle World were informed this morning.  Speaking off the record, one Democrat said, "I don't want to speak ill of a dead fictional character, but everything points to the fact that Josephine did a lot of pipe fitting in her day, if you know what I mean."  Suttle World has absolutely no idea what that means, but does believe that Joe, the plumber, is the poster child for the Obama tax increase, and every reason why its THE voting issue in the November election.  Suttle World also finds it amusing that of the dozen national polls, only the CBS/New York Times survey has Senator Obama with a double digit lead.

..."(AP) LONDON – A stick bug from the island of Borneo measuring well over a foot in length has been identified by researchers as the world's longest insect, British scientists said Thursday."  Its a slow day in Suttle World.

..."LONDON (Reuters) – Doctors baffled by an unexplained rash on people's ears or cheeks should be on alert for a skin allergy caused by too much mobile phone use, the British Association of Dermatologists said on Thursday."  This would explain Suttle World's itch being caused by every swinging Richard on the planet having a stinkin' phone stuck next to their ear hole.  Suttle World is on a crusade, and it begins in public rest rooms.  Anytime Suttle World encounters an individual on a cell phone in such an environment, Suttle World will ensure the party on the other end of the call is certain as to where the conversation is taking place---be it through flushing six times, while opening every spigot available, to exclamations of great relief to shouts of "real nice shit hole they've got here."  Whatever it takes.  Dial at your own risk.

October 16, 2008    Obama to "spread wealth" among other things

..."My attitude is that if the economy's good for folks from the bottom up, it's gonna be good for everybody. I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody."  Finally, an honest take that well frames the small distinctions to be had in November.  Senator Obama obviously thinks its a swell duty of the federal government to spread around the wealth.  Its been the silent mantra of the Democratic party since FDR.  Obama broke that silence yesterday well before last night's joint press conference that loosely resembled the recitation of the ingredient list off the label of some hideous can of processed American potted meat product.  McCain's "campaign" can't seem to get around to driving home the one and only salient issue in this particular contest, so Suttle World will do so once again.  The gentle surfer need not have been awarded the Nobel Prize in economics to understand:  1)  the current economy is on unstable footing, to say the least  2)  the singular way to ensure a deep, lasting recession is a tax increase  3)  the most certain way to gain a tax increase is to elect Senator Obama, and let Democrats run wild on the Hill.  Welcome to 1980 all over again.  Had Jimmy Carter been re-elected...

...Suttle World can find no reference to it on the wires, but assume that state officials must be holding some sort of hearings somewhere on how to best have a parade and day of recognition for gasoline retailers now that the average price of unleaded regular has fallen below the $3 level.  This assumption is based upon the hullabaloo created a couple weeks ago when some stations dared offer petrol at $8/gallon (as opposed to having none at all) that led to reconvening the Warren Commission.  Prices have dropped over 50¢/gallon in less than a week.  Something stinks, and Suttle World is confident that government will get to the bottom of it.  Suttle World could save government a lot of time and effort by simply telling them that they'll find Adam Smith at the bottom, but so long as they're digging, they can't be doing other mean and nasty things to Suttle World.

...The Philadelphia Phillies have won the National League pennant, and await the winner of the Tampa Bay/Boston ALCS to meet in the 2008 World Series.  The Rays could advance with a win tonight in Boston.  Correction:  Suttle World erroneously reported the NLCS was dark Tuesday for travel.  In fact, they were dark for TV---another desperately needed delay in a game that is trying to extend itself into the November Classic.

...The Endicott women's soccer team runs their undefeated streak to eleven with a 4-2 drubbing of Nichols yesterday afternoon.  Kaitlin Waring recorded a shot on goal in substitute midfielder duties.

..."LONDON (Reuters) - A man discovered making kebabs near a corpse has been banned from managing food businesses and fined 3,800 pounds, Wolverhampton City Council said Tuesday.  Jaswinder Singh, 45, was found by police making kebabs at Pappu Sweet Center and Catering in Wolverhampton in August in a kitchen where a dead man was lying on a sofa."  Dude is a cook not a mortician, and the dead guy isn't going to get the kebabs made.  Skewer meat near a body---no big deal.  Skewer meat in or on a body, and that's an entirely different kettle of fish.

October 15, 2008    Wakefield pitches like first baseman

...Suttle World has often contended that the American League is just a few beers on the bases short of being slow pitch softball.  Last night the Rays put kegs in the base coach boxes, and played numerous drinking games as they toyed with the Red Sox to take a commanding 3-1 lead in the ALCS.

..."(ohio.com) Poll workers from opposing sides in the presidential race apparently clashed in a physical altercation Friday at a Cuyahoga Falls nursing home when one accused the other of improperly marking a ballot.  George Manos, the 75-year-old Republican, told police that Edith Walker, the 73-year-old Democrat, jumped on his back and struck him in the head three to four times with her fists. Manos said two other elections workers had to pull Walker off his back, according to a report filed with Cuyahoga Falls police."  Whether its registering the Dallas Cowboys to vote in Nevada to a geezer beat down in Ohio, Suttle World notes that Democrats are always the perpetrators---much like the current known convicted felon get out the vote drive.

...Coming to the rescue of this Wednesday update is cuzin Matt with another of his stellar installments of Bruner's Texas Takes

October 14, 2008    And on the third day, the market rose...

..."(Suttle World Oct. 13, 2008)...Suttle World can easily see a Santa Claus rally that will have the DOW approaching 9-10,000 again by year's end."  Now that every financial institution on the planet has either folded, been bought or nationalized, there aren't many surprises left.  The madness should stop for at least a short while, and absent a huge post election sell off to try to avoid much higher capital gains rates under a Obama administration, a true Santa Claus rally could have the DOW back to 11,000 by the time the big ball drops in Times Square.

...Suttle World saw little point in sharing its acute gastro-intestinal distress over the weekend, deciding to reserve such intimacies for just Suttle World and the two porcelain conveniences seated in stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.  Aside from the inherent unpleasantries, it was a garden variety bout, but one that now obviously had ramifications beyond Suttle World's foggy grasp of reality.  Forgotten were the Winter Meetings of Wiffle Atlanta.  Suttle World may have remembered at some point, but believed that the aroma of burgers and stale beer to not be on the list of standing orders to treat its own disorder.  Regardless, Suttle World is most humbled by being bestowed with the incredible distinction of being the first ever "player" to be inducted into the Wiffle Atlanta Hall of Fame.  Additionally, Suttle World was honored as the league has permanently named its defacto annual Lady Bing distinction the Champagne Gino Award.  Suttle World cannot imagine a distinction with which it would be more pleased.  Suttle World also regrets not being on hand for the festivities, but given the high likelihood of going President Bush (41) at a Japanese state dinner, the honors were probably best awarded in absentia.  At present, the new and improved Wiffle Atlanta web site is under construction for the coming off season moves.  Commissioner Jordan has promised to have it up and running shortly.  Many thanks to Jordan, who has made the league a tour de force over the past four years.  As an aside, Suttle World only learned of the distinctions late Monday, and now understands the several encounters with perfect strangers yesterday who asked Suttle World:  "may I have your autograph Mr. Cobb?"

...Did Bill Ayers write Barack Obama's most recent critically acclaimed memoir Dreams From My Fathers?  Jack Cashill, the author of among other books, Hoodwinked:  How Intellectual Hucksters Hijacked American Culture, and a teaching Ph.D. in American studies from Purdue University thinks so, and makes his case in an October 9 article published in the American Thinker.  In fact, Dr. Cashill makes a damn good case---one Suttle World believes would merit a question from Senator McCain tonight to put the matter to rest.  In fact, Suttle World would have no objection to Ayers being on the dais tonight along with the two candidates.

..."(AP)  CINCINNATI - A double murderer who says he's too fat to be executed humanely has passed a pre-execution exam and is cleared to receive a lethal injection Tuesday. Richard Cooey, 41, was given a visual examination by the state when he arrived at the death house on Monday, and officials found nothing that should cause a problem in delivering the deadly chemicals.  The 5-foot-7, 267-pound Cooey had tried to avoid execution by arguing that his obesity would prevent humane lethal injection because viable veins in his arms are hard to find."  Setting aside Suttle World's lifetime opposition to the death penalty, there are some questions about this particular case.  First, prison officials gave dude a physical exam to see if he was fit enough to be killed.?  Just read it again.  Second, all gentle surfers know that there is a long time lag between sentencing and execution.  How the hell does dude remain so beefy after years on a prison diet?  Third, if dude fell and broke his leg, how long does the gentle surfer think it would take to find a vein to inject some morphine?  Finally, if finding a vein is really a problem, why not just whack dude's head off?  Oh, that's right, the courts have ruled the government has to put is citizens to death in a nice way.  This leaves Suttle World curious as to whether a well stoked oven would qualify under the current interpretation of the Eighth Amendment.

...Tampa Bay seemed to handle the pressure of their first ever ALCS on the road in Fenway reasonably well yesterday afternoon by bitch slapping the Bosox to take a 2-1 lead in their series.  Meanwhile in the senior circuit, the Phillies take a perhaps insurmountable 3-1 lead over the Dodgers with a 7-5 win in the NLCS last night.  The AL carries on tonight at 8:00 (EDT) as the NL heads back east.

"(AP) LOS ANGELES - The doctor has again ordered Janet Jackson to postpone a return to her "Rock Witchu" tour."  Life just isn't fair.

...AMF Big Brown. The impressive Kentucky Derby and Preakness winning three year old was injured during a workout at Aqueduct yesterday, and retired.  Two hours later at a hastily called press conference, trainer Rick Dutrow announced that the horse will in fact skip the Breeders Cup October 25, and instead fight Mike Tyson in a November pay-for-view event.

October 13, 2008

...Suttle World welcomes the gentle surer to that annual event that is the penultimate bankers' and bureaucrats' holiday:  Columbus Day.  Props to Columbus.  Next time, make sure everyone has their vaccinations up to speed, please.

..."(AP) HONG KONG - Global stock markets rebounded strongly on Monday after last week's historic sell-off as governments from Europe to Australia and the U.S. intensified efforts to ease a financial crisis that threatened to the throw the world into recession."  Yes, Aunt Sam, your husband believed he was going to die because of a panic attack, so we've been prudent and transplanted all his vital organs just in case.  Of course, we don't have the money to pay for the radical procedures, they probably are unnecessary and we still don't have a real good idea of how Uncle Sam and his cousins worldwide got sick, but what the hell, its only money that has yet to be printed.  Let's see if amateur economist Suttle World can do the math.  Worldwide, interest rates are into "real" negative territory (the payout is lower than inflation), and national banks are pouring trillions of dollars in cash into their various banking systems to assure against default.  Suttle World doesn't see any inflationary pressures there.  Just because trillions of "new dollars" are chasing the same level of goods and services meets the text book definition of inflation is of no consequence.  If another problem develops, president Obama can simply tax the country to prosperity---the successful route history shows to work most every time.  The good news:  markets have stabilized.  The bad news:  a loaf of bread costs $15.  The gentle surfer who "got out" last week, got exactly what it deserved---a big steamin' bowl of losses than cannot be recovered.  Get the election over with, and regardless of the winner, Suttle World can easily see a Santa Claus rally that will have the DOW approaching 9-10,000 again by year's end.

..."ARLINGTON, Va. (AP) - Republican John McCain vowed Sunday to "whip" Democratic rival Barack Obama's "you-know-what" when the two presidential candidates meet Wednesday in their final televised debate.  McCain made that pledge as top advisers said he is weighing new economic proposals to help the nation weather the financial crisis. The Arizona senator refused to answer a reporter's question Sunday about what plans he might be considering."  Suttle World gets it now.  Grandpa has just been napping since the first of September.  Gallop has Obama's generic lead shrinking to 7 points, down from 11 this time last week.

...Props to the Falcons (in their own special kind of way) for a win over the Bears yesterday afternoon at the Georgia Dome to equal their 2007 win total in just the sixth week of the season, moving to 4-2, and tied atop the NFC South.  Gene, the Caucasian's, teaser was blown early by virtue of Carolina scoring a mere field goal against lowly Tampa Bay, and missing the over of 31 by a single point.  The other two plays were right, and two out of three ain't...well it ain't worth shit.  Would the real Washington Redskins please pick up the white courtesy phone?  Please be prepared to show identification.  The Cowboys drop to Arizona in overtime---not a game of particular importance, just fun to type.  Generally speaking, a great football weekend.

...The Dodgers come off the deck, and beat the Phillies to win game three of the NLCS---the Phillies lead 2-1, with game three set for LA tonight at 8:22 (EDT).  Meanwhile, the ALCS moves to Fenway with the BoSox and Rays tied at one game each.

October 12, 2008    Deciphering Armageddon 

...The markets were closed yesterday/Saturday, so all there was left was for a bunch of folks to pontificate about the markets when they are open.  A lot of very smart people with an alleged expertise in the areas of economics, business and finance seemed divided into basically two camps.  A little less than half were of the opinion that government intervention to the tune of trillions of dollars would fix a problem they really couldn't explain.  A similarly sized group of really smart people expressed the opinion that government intervention in the form of trillions of dollars was inappropriate and would not fix a problem they really couldn't explain.  There was one other, very small group of what Suttle World believes to be the smartest people of all.  They were of the collective opinion that they had no clue as to what the problem was or how massive government intervention would react in the mix.  Suttle World is far from the sharpest knife in this particular drawer, but is of the definite opinion that Wall Street should take Columbus Day off just like their banking buddies, and make it a long weekend.

...Whoa Nellie!  What a day of college football.  The operative term being day.  Night games did not provide the entertainment value the gentle surfer has come to expect from its Saturday evenings.  Texas outscores the believed to be offensive juggernaut that was #1 Oklahoma, and Gene, the Caucasian, finally cashes a ticket!  Ironically, that battle was followed by Carolina finally righting their program on national TV nine years after being left decimated by Mack Brown's move to Texas with a win over a now dubious Notre Dame program.  In the interim Toledo beats Michigan.  Damn, that's fun to type, and with the indulgence of the gentle surfer, Suttle World will do so again.  Toledo beats Michigan.  #2 Alabama was idle, and Oklahoma State upsets #3 Missouri.  #4 LSU is bitch slapped by #11 Florida in the Swamp (one of the tedious night affairs).  So now a bunch of sports writers who watched a couple of games yesterday and Sports Center, Division I coaches who see only 11-12 games a season and a computer will decide who the best team in the country is.  The Georgia General Assembly could manage this iconic American institution better than is the status quo of the NCAA hiding under the bed---cowering to old, fat men in ugly jackets.  The Citadel drops its second in a row, falling to Elon 27-23 in Charleston yesterday.

...Meanwhile, freshman Colleen Pepin (sounds like a gastro-intestinal disorder---we kid because we care---actually we kid because we're over a thousand miles away) nets a hat trick to lead the Gulls of the Endicott women's soccer team (9-2-2,8-0-1) to win 3-0 over Curry in the friendly confines of Beverly. MA Saturday afternoon.  POFGC invitee Pops Waring advises that freshman midfielder Kaitlin Waring is pleased with her playing time to date, with one goal to her credit half way through the 2008 campaign.

...On to the NFL.  A bit more enthusiastic, but far from knocking down old ladies on the way to the window, Gene, the Caucasian, returns to the tried and not so true three team, six point teaser with (net):  CAR @ TB over 31; NE +11 @ SD; and NE @ SD under 50.  Pays 9:5.

...The feel good story on the front of the Leisure Section of this Sunday edition of Suttle World comes from the Hendersonville Times News.  Yesterday, locals around the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite HQ celebrated the anniversary of last year's Honor Air flights---an entirely private effort to "reunite" local WW II vets with the newly opened memorial to them and their compatriots on the Mall in Washington.  It is a complex tale of many chapters of the human experience.

October 11, 2008    Thank you sir.  May I have another week?

..."(AP) NEW YORK - Wall Street capped one of its worst weeks ever with a wild session Friday that saw the Dow Jones industrials gyrate within a 1,000 point range before closing with a relatively mild loss and the NASDAQ composite index actually ending with a modest advance. Investors were still agonizing over frozen credit markets, but seven days of massive losses and the possibility of further government support for the markets tempted some investors late in the session.  The Dow lost 128 points, giving the blue chips an eight-day loss of just under 2,400, or 22.1 percent. The average had its worst week on record in both point and percentage terms. The Standard & Poor's 500 index, the indicator most watched by market professionals, posted its worst weekly run since 1933.  The latest loss also means the Dow is down 40.3 percent since reaching a record high close of 14,164.53 a year ago, on Oct. 9, 2007. The S&P 500, which reached its high of 1,565.15 the same day, is down 42.5 percent.  Investors suffered a paper loss for the day of about $100 billion, as measured by the Dow Jones Wilshire 5000 index. For the week, investors lost $2.4 trillion, and over the past year, the losses have piled up to $8.4 trillion."  There are currently fire sale price stickers affixed to many really cool looking stock certificates on the south end of Manhattan.

..."(Suttle World Mon., Oct. 6) If the gentle surfer enjoyed last week's ride on Wall Street, welcome to October---historically the market's special month."

..."WASHINGTON (AFP) - The US government plans to invest directly in US banks for the first time since the Great Depression, Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson. said Friday, expanding the focus of the government's 700-billion-dollar rescue plan."  Suttle World didn't see that truck coming.  Bank of Suttle CFO, Dirk Bremen, continues his now over week long vigil outside the Treasury Department.  All the Bank of Suttle wants is its $2.5 billion, and it will go quietly into the night, never to be heard from again.  This also raises an interesting point of law.  If the gentle surfer is going to be part owner of certain banks (by virtue of the government acquiring large sums of an institution's stock), can the gentle surfer go into a local branch of their appropriate bank and fire the snotty ass employees that always treat them like shit?  Race, religion and politics divide this nation, but it is united in the common thread that everyone hates their bank.  In all fairness, Suttle World switched to BOA several years ago, and is very pleased.

...The Phillies take a 2-0 lead over the Dodgers yesterday afternoon, as Dice-K comes up big when necessary, and wins the pitching dual for the Red Sox that was the opener of the ALCS in Tampa Bay last night.  Their second game starts tonight at 8:00, as the NLCS takes a travel day.

...Correction and amplification...The Wiffle Atlanta winter meetings scheduled for today are at the downtown Decatur Taco Mac location, as opposed to the Tucker outlet as erroneously reported yesterday.  Noon start.

...This particular Saturday holds out the promise of day long, excellent NCAA football matchups.  Texas and Oklahoma are the headliner, and also the opening act at noon.  Georgia and Tennessee take up the late afternoon, and LSU travels to Gainesville to take on Florida in an 8:00 game tonight.  As noted yesterday, Gene, the Caucasian, really likes Texas +6.5, and has sanctioned a rare Saturday wager on the single game.  The complete ATL TV sports listings are here for the clicking.

..."(AP) WASHINGTON — In the aftermath of Russia's invasion of Georgia, Latvia is talking with the United States about expanding joint military exercises and cooperation.  The Latvian foreign minister, Maris Riekstins, discussed the issue this week with senior Bush administration officials, including Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.  Riekstins emphasized in an interview with The Associated Press that Latvia, an ex-Soviet republic and current NATO member, does not feel threatened by Russia's move against Georgia in August but is evaluating how that brief war affects Latvia's security."  This is good news.  Now that the Latvian crisis has been put the rest, the markets should now be confident and reassured.

October 10, 2008    End of world proving to be "Slow Death"

...Over $8 TRILLION lost on paper in the last two weeks and growing.  Suttle World got the part about the internet making the world smaller than a cold water flat in Brooklyn, but like everyone else, didn't think about what happened if a fire broke out in the apartment below.  The market's tumble is not over yet.  Well known bottom feeders are still standing on the sidelines.  They'll jump in soon enough, but if its before the DOW drops to 8,000, Suttle World knows not.  Suttle World also knows not how to time the market, so it will continue with its buy, buy, buy mantra from now until the index drops into negative territory.  At this very early morning writing, DOW futures are down nearly 300 points, after Asian and European markets plummeted, as Sellapalooza unexpectedly continues.  Still, either history repeats itself, and the gentle surfer gets rich following the Suttle World strategy, or this truly is the big one, Elizabeth, in which case, it doesn't make a damn bit of difference one way or the other because all gentle surfers will experience acute rectal trauma.  Meanwhile, three supermarkets within two miles of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor remain operating in good stead with each still devoting an entire aisle to pet food.  Until things settle, there's simply nothing about which to comment.  There are only flashing lights and tickers  to watch in slack jawed amazement as the headless chicken Mambo plays itself out. (© Suttle World - there's a germ of a good sentence there if composed with a little effort and not at early thirty)

...In election news, Senator McCain continues to break new ground each day as he eclipses all records for the worst run presidential campaign in modern history.  Suttle World remains optimistic.  When Senator Obama is elected, and ushers in the age of Jimmy Carter II, Suttle World is hopeful that with it will come a return of the Jimmy Carter Bar---a finer frozen sundry has yet to be fabricated.  Finally for today, Suttle World is all for agreeing to disagree with its misguided brothers and sisters on the left (and most on the "right").  Suttle World is not all for, and will not suffer those who are flat ass ignorant regarding basic free market macro economic theory (that's a hell of a lot easier to understand than pronounce or type).  Is it possible that all could find common ground in the notion that:  generally speaking/accounting for the relative elasticity/inelasticity of the supply and demand curves of a tiny fraction goods and services, when the price of any good or service increases, supply increases or demand decreases, and vice versa?  If apples cost a quarter each as opposed to $1, people buy more apples, and suppliers are less eager to get apples to market.  If the price of an apple rises from a quarter to a dollar, a lot less apples get bought, and every swinging Richard on the planet is growing an apple tree on their patio trying to cash in on the big McIntosh market mania.  This ain't rocket science, whether the gentle surfer likes it or not.  Get on board, or get on the short bus.  Reality is departing the station.  Final call.  Those aboard shall be treated to a blow-by-blow account of how November could, would and should break down---armed only with Adam Smith as our tour guide.

...OK, so Suttle World is going to simply watch the markets implode, and take it from there.  On with the fun stuff that, amazingly, hasn't come to a screeching halt despite crises and the like.  That being said:  Suttle World does perceive less hustle and bustle on the street.

...The Phillies take game one of the NLCS at home, using the long ball to their advantage as has been the want of the Philadelphia ball club all season.  Game two versus the Dodgers starts this afternoon at 4:30 followed by game one of the ALCS as the Red Sox (of whom Suttle World has already become very weary) travel to Tampa Bay to take on those loveable Rays.  A complete rundown of the ATL weekend TV sports scheduled is here for the clicking.

...Saturday preview:  Wiffle Atlanta's winter meeting is scheduled for 11:30 tomorrow morning at the Taco Mac on Jimmy Carter Blvd.  The Endicott women's soccer team hosts Curry in a 4:00 match.  Amazingly, set to be played in between is Saturday's marquee NCAA matchup as Oklahoma and Texas tee it up at noon.  At this writing, the gentle bettor can still get Texas and a full 7 points at -$110.  Gene, the Caucasian, believes this to be a big one, Elizabeth (II), and takes the Longhorns and the points in a rare Saturday trip to the window/desperate attempt to break a losing streak.  Finally, tomorrow night at Crystal's Patio and Grille in Coldspring, TX: "Come hear acoustic sounds Matt Bruner most Saturday's from 6 - 10 pm. Matt plays a variety of songs as well as your requests, when properly written out on sturdy green paper."  Suttle World requests Weekend by The Dictators.  It would work acoustically, the tabs are readily available on the internet, and its not nearly as tough to sing as might seem at first listen---hear live versions; there are low expectations here.  Give Suttle World the keys to a G-4 (OK---it would probably take the Concord), while Wiffle Atlanta meets in flight, and Suttle World would have one hell of a Saturday.  A whirlwind whacky whimsical weekend aboard Suttle World One.

...This also from cuzin Matt, as he lierally cuts and pastes an internet headline encountered recently: "Oracle shareholders choke on Ellison's package  Size an issue"  No doubt, Larry Craig is proud.

October 9, 2008    Mit)hness continues

..."(AP) WASHINGTON - The Bush administration is considering taking ownership stakes in certain U.S. banks as an option for dealing with a severe global credit crisis."  The New York branch of the Fed "loaned" AIG another $38 BILLION late yesterday, and the market was down 160 points.  The past several weeks have been very troubling to many gentle surfers, and the above news items may be the straws that break the proverbial camel's back.  But before leaping from the top of a 12 story building, Suttle World would ask that the gentle surfer:  1)  First, check with Suttle World.  Any given particular gentle surfer may well be one that Suttle World wishes to see plummet from the observation deck of the Daily Planet.  2)  If the gentle surfer makes it through the first cut outlined above, then take some inspiration from our friends at Monty Python, and "always look on the bright side of life."  Two weeks ago, the average gentle surfer was muddling by, typically "house poor," and just living pay check to pay check in order to make the minimum payment on maxed out credit cards.  This morning the federal government of the United States, and by extension its citizens, own most of every global financial institution.  It'll make for great conversation in the soup line.  "I'll have you know my good man, that I own a 20% stake in Lehman Brothers.  With a small rally, I could increase my net worth to less than a billion in the hole."  One more time:  1)  there's no less capital in the world than was there was September 1.  The difference is that a lot of folks are very worried that it can't all be accounted for.  2)  Perspective:  there are men and women with thriving medical practices who were born after the last major economic downturn this country experienced some 35 years ago.  3)  If the gentle surfer has any cash and some patience, BUY BUY BUY!  Check back with Suttle World in 20 years.  He who drools the most with a toothless grin, drools the best.

...While in the beating dead horses aisle...Suttle World is simply dumbfounded by how poorly a campaign Senator McCain has run.  Whacky things could still happen, but regardless of the outcome in November, Bob Dole is off the hook.  Maverick?  If the gentle surfer believes a nursing home patient complaining that the fish sticks weren't warm enough is a maverick, then Suttle World has a candidate for the gentle surfer.  This just in:  survivors of those convicted and executed following the Nuremberg trials are filing appeals with the International Military Tribunal.  Each brief raises the argument that the aggrieved defendants were only 15-18 years old when Hitler began his plans for genocide.  As a result, how could they possibly be held responsible even if Hitler lived in their hood, and they went over to his house for dinner on a regular occasion after becoming Brown Shirt organizers?  Meanwhile, domestic terrorist Bill Ayers continues to shape the young minds of college students while remaining active in ACORN that has evidently registered the entire roster of the Dallas Cowboys (without their consent) to vote in the state of Nevada. "(AP) LAS VEGAS — Nevada authorities seized records Tuesday from a group [,ACORN,] they accused of submitting fraudulent voter-registration forms — including for the starting lineup of the Dallas Cowboys."

...Belated shout out to the Endicott women's soccer team, that remains undefeated in their last seven (all conference/TCCC matches) following a 1 all draw with Gordon College Tuesday.  The Gulls (8-2-2, 7-0-1) host Curry on Saturday afternoon.  Closed circuit memo to IV:  we all "know the feeling" (ask III).  We just can't admit it.  The thought came to Suttle World as it was clearing a 10 acre forest armed only with an ax.

...The NLCS cranks up tonight in Philadelphia as the Phillies begin their best of seven game series with the Dodgers.  First pitch is scheduled for 8:22.  The junior circuit starts their series Friday night as the amazing Rays host the Red Sox.  Prop bets to win it all are as follows:  Boston 8:5, Los Angeles 13:4, Philadelphia 3:1, and Tampa Bay 5:2.

October 8, 2008    Admiral wins POFGC!

...Bill "the Admiral" Swartzberg stunned the golfing world yesterday---putting on a spectacular performance at Mystery Valley to edge defending champion Moke by a single point on the 54th and final hole of the 2008 Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic - including the final leaderboard.  Mobbed by admirers who were eventually contained by DeKalb County authorities, the Admiral finally appeared in a packed press tent.  When asked how it felt to lose the burden of being the worst player to never win a major, the Admiral said "I want another Heineken."  Props to all this year's invitees, especially cuzin Paul, the POFGC CPA, who, with his Dynamic Modified Enron Scoring system, kept the Anderson audited data flowing.  Bubs celebrated the Admiral's win by taking a victory flight to San Francisco that departed the ATL at 8:30 Tuesday night.  Suttle World and Waring stood greenside, and watched the Admiral roll in an eight foot putt on #18/54 to ensure his win, and immediately don an expression like the contestant who, after a moment, realizes they just won BOTH Showcase Showdowns. Hoots and hollers arose from the mostly elderly gallery that shook its walkers in the air, and cheered during one of those magical moments in sport that even Helen Keller would have found inspirational.  A most gracious sportsman, defending champion Moke, comported himself as such, despite being the medal leader for the 54 hole event, and also the butt end of the handicapping process.  Still winless, Waring played remarkably well.  If only he had remembered to flip the Garden Weasel switch back from the ho to putter setting for the last two days, things could have turned out much differently.  No fizz remains in Champagne Gino.  Suttle World is tired, Imus.  Golf wise, Suttle World has potential, but is not as enthusiastic off recapturing its glory days quite as soon previously believed.  Overnight email from David Ledbetter suggests Suttle World might mix in playing an actual round or two between POFGCs as a modality for improvement.  It is going to take work, and Suttle World is going nowhere near a golf club in the foreseeable future.  The golf, judged by its pace and conditions of the tracks played was unbeatable.  Though raining heavily at this writing, the weather for the last three days would make San Diego residents envious.  The fellowship was, as always, enriching.  And the golf gods have one hell of a sense of humor.  The only putt longer than 8 feet made by any player all afternoon is the last of the day---sunk by the Admiral to clinch his 2008 Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic Championship.  Next year's host:  Suttle World, as the event begins its second lap around the circuit in 2009.  May many more circuits be with us.  This just in:  Johnny Asshole is still dead, and expected to remain so indefinitely.  Enjoy the corn flakes with Ho Chi Minh this morning, Johnny. "SQUELLLLLLLLLLLLLLCH Now you boys hurry it up with that cereal down there, hear? SQUELLLLLLLLLLLLLLCH "  Yes, he who laughs last is the slowest.

...SOTD is in default mode (its from where each day's new entry begins by editing that which is in place today), but somehow when the graphics application was opened this morning, there seemed little reason to change it.

...Would the gentle voter care for paper of plastic?  There's no point in breaking down last night's presidential "debate."  Its 2000 all over again.  In lieu of President Bush, the gentle surfer can vote for Senator McCain and get bigger government, or in lieu of Al Gore, the gentle surfer can vote for Senator Obama and get much bigger government.  But wait!!!!  Vote now for Senator Obama (along with each and every maggot that can be scraped out their cardboard box homes and driven to  pre-election polling places by Democrats as appears to be happening), and you'll also get at not extra charge (just add TAXES and shipping):  a big tax increase, and its companion bonus:  a big time recession.  Suttle World is tired of repeating this, Imus.

..."(The Sun - UK) Based on a real five-year-old Japanese girl, this machine was built to look just like a human.  It has 50 sensors and a series of motors to help it move and has been built to help pensioners and disabled people move better."  Developers said they believed a second version of the robot, that should be brought to market in 2010, will include adolescent, young and middle-aged settings as the the virtual nagging technology moves forward.

...Sources close to Suttle World say word on the street has it being a stock picker's market.  Overnight, the Nikkei average plunged 9.4 percent, and European markets are already down sharply---as in 5+%.  Meanwhile, Chairman Bernanke orders an emergency 150 basis point cut, as Bank of Suttle CFO, Dirk Bremen, continues to wait patiently qued in a lawn chair outside the Treasury Department for the $2.5 billion in bailout money for which he was sent.

October 7, 2008    Moke mounts insurmountable lead?

...POFGC...The Hooch proved no kinder to Suttle World yesterday than did the other novice trip around Charlie Yates Sunday.  Put more accurately, Suttle World was no kinder to the Hooch than it was to Charlie Yates, and Suttle World fans will have to scroll way down the leaderboard to find its entry that stands in dead last place headed into the third and final round this afternoon at Mystery "thanks for the memories" Valley.  Tee time is set for 12:03, but if the first two rounds are any indication, the time angle, to coin a phrase, makes "no dif-rance."  To date, the fearsome foursome has yet to wait or be pushed---enjoying both tracks at a leisurely pace, under conditions that would make even the most cynical of Chamber of Commerce Directors say, "damn."  Yes, the ambiance has been as lovely as any old fart can recall during the fourth annual event.  By now the gentle surfer has probably caught on to the fact that Suttle World is devoting little attention to actual golf.  This is largely due to the fact that Suttle World has yet to play little actual golf in this year's event.  Relative to their respective investment and ability, each of the other invitees has performed remarkably well.  2008 host, The Admiral, consistently strikes enough real golf shots to put him in an unlikely second place, behind defending champion and leader Moke who turned in another very respectable performance.  Moke has taken full advantage of the Waring Modified Enron Scoring System to jump out to a five point lead after 36 holes, but also noteworthy is that such has not been the case for Bubs fans.  Paul has matched the Mokeian one in actual medal play stroke for stroke.  Today's scoring modality is uncertain at this writing, but Suttle World seriously doubts it will reward poor play, and consequently, the Walter Nitty Jacket may well not be making a return to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor again this year.  On the upside, hotel rooms are getting easier to find in the metro ATL, as many of Champagne Gino's Army made an early getaway after Monday's action.  Other POFGC notes:  stately Roberts/Suttle Manor is proud to serve as the official innkeeper of Paul "Bubs" Waring, and once again, apologizes for the "work in progress" mode in which the Manor currently finds itself.  The Hooch is an excellent track, and at just over 3700 yards/par 61, its a good walk less spoiled.  Today its big boy golf at the world famous Mystery Valley.  Today there shall be no dawn arrival.  There shall be no ball in the shoot that never moves on the first tee.  There will be no rooster crow or aroma of horse and chicken dung on the sixth tee box.  There shall be no "play it where it lies" from standing water in bunkers.  There shall be no "SQUELCHHHHH!  Now you boys hurry it up down there SQUELCHHHHH!" because there shall be no Johnny Asshole, for he is having breakfast with Pol Pot this morning.  Scores be damned, its been a great POFGC so far, and Suttle World simply cannot imagine any reason why that would change for the final round and Closing Ceremonies/Jacket Presentation.

...It has come to Suttle World's attention that the DOW fell 370 points (rebounding from a low of 800 points down) during the second round of the Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic.  This is a most unsettling news, and Suttle World is now convinced that the only way to slay the dragon is through a massive tax increase on the evil rich bastards who create the jobs for the dumb, non tax paying SOBs who now seem fully prepared to vote for same by pulling the Obama lever come November.  Suttle World invites the gentle surfer, in the words of Vince Scully, to "pull up a chair," and enjoy the pending very deep recession.  For the older crowd that has forgotten due to the onset of dementia, or the youngsters that have no recollection, Suttle World offers two words to jog the old memory (or Google as the case may be):  Jimmy Carter.  Suttle World also offers another sage observation for the ambitious gentle surfer:  mortgage crisis or not, there has been no new real estate made in the past several years, and new land starts are expected to remain flat indefinitely.  A gentle surfer with some cash and patience could buy big in a beat down market, reap huge rewards, and probably get to keep at least half the profits under an Obama capital gains tax.  And yes, Suttle World stands at the ready to fix this fetid fecal matter upon request.

...The gentle surfer holding the ALCS prop ticket that says Tampa Bay is a very happy gentle surfer this morning!  Props to the Rays who will face off against division rival Boston for the chance to advance to the World Series.  The NLCS gets underway tomorrow in LA against the visiting Phillies with an 8:22 (EDT) start.  Tampa/Boston gets cranked up Thursday.

..."(AP)  WASHINGTON - GOP presidential nominee John McCain has past connections to a private group that supplied aid to guerrillas seeking to overthrow the leftist government of Nicaragua in the Iran-Contra affair."  Suttle World says good work Senator, and evidence of yet another reason to cast a Republican ballot in a few weeks.  Note the operative term here is "private organization."  The Bolen Amendment was stupid, but it was the law, and Oliver North deliberately undermined that law in an official capacity.  That's called criminal.  Privately assisting revolutionaries attempting to retake their own homeland in this hemisphere from dictatorial Communists---that's called a good idea.

..."NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Microwave ovens pose a serious safety hazard to young children, a new study of scald burn injuries demonstrates."  The bigger problem is getting the squirming little suckers into the appliance to start with.  (Suttle World accepts its 2 gerund penalty for ending a sentence in a preposition).

..."NEW YORK (Reuters) - Almost half of U.S. workers do not respect their boss and only half believe they are competent, according to an online survey released on Friday."  This just in:  Lindbergh made it.  A bear is converting to Catholicism, and the Pope is defecating in the woods.

...Memo to the gas pump:  at $79/barrel, Suttle World is going to start refining its own gasoline.

 ...And so an even more disjointed than usual update comes to a close.  The Old Farts, donning Old Spice, sipping Old Milwaukee at the Old Course.  Results tomorrow.

...This just in (literally):  brief early morning email from JP "Thunderbolt" Patterson reports he and other Dictators/"we" have made it home, and "it was great."  Props to JP for the shout out.  Suttle World proudly welcomes The Dictators to America.

October 6, 2008    Moke stakes big lead after round one

...The 10th round of the Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic is in the books, and while the start of the fourth annual event may not have been the most grandiose day (tough to top Green Mountain National followed by Saratoga), it was, by accounts of the throngs present in the gallery, the most fun and enjoyable to date.  Suttle World thought adding the wrinkle of two "executive" courses to this year's major would play right into its hands that were nimbly striking short irons last week.  What Suttle World failed to calculate was:  1) that was LAST week and, the golf axiom, 2)  give a big man a little course, and he'll beat you like  baby seal.  Such was the case yesterday as our heroes completed the 2904 yard/par 58 Charlie Yates---the rather impressive executive track built a dozen years or so ago by Tom Cousins while refurbishing the third world nation formerly known as East Lake Meadows, and adjacent to the East Lake Golf Club of Bobby Jones fame.  Regardless, back to the old farts:  Moke goes wilder than those late night cable chicks on spring break with beer bongs, and shoots an even par 28 on the back side to take a commanding lead with the first of three rounds completed.  Yes, that's a real executive  golf even par boys and girls.  And so, your scores after 18 holes of play are as follows:  Moke 23  Swartzberg 22 Suttle 13 Waring 12.  This year, the players are using the modified Enron scoring system that Suttle World found to be to its liking when leading or just a couple points off the lead at the turn, but nine holes later, Suttle World can now see the serious flaws.  Today, the field heads up Peachtreee Industrial Boulevard to the hamlet of Duluth to play executive course #2, The Hooch.  Today's tee time has been pushed back to 1:32.  Play concludes Tuesday on the big boy Mystery Valley in DeKalb County with a scheduled 12:03 start.  Other notes from the first round of the 2008 event:  The Admiral/Mr. Bill goes ape feces on the back side as well, posting four consecutive pars!  The Admiral only dusts off the sticks each year for this singular event, and has never been the devotee of the game that any of the other invitees may be or may have been.  It was a spectacular performance---just like cuzin Paul's dual use putter and garden utensil.  Bubs rolls in at least two 20 footers, and generally looks uncharacteristically sharp on the dance floors with his Garden Weasel.  Aside from a 20 yard lob wedge chip in on nine, and knocking a 110 yard pitching wedge to tap in birdie range on 15, Suttle World had an all around poor showing, but can the field keep it down?  With a little tissue paper and Scotch tape, probably so, but one never knows.

...If the gentle surfer enjoyed last week's ride on Wall Street, welcome to October---historically the market's special month.

...In a story that will be frequently printed and prominently displayed on household refrigerators nationwide:  "(AP) CHICAGO - Warning: young children should not keep hedgehogs as pets — or hamsters, baby chicks, lizards and turtles, for that matter — because of risks for disease.  That's according to the nation's leading pediatricians' group in a new report about dangers from exotic animals.  Besides evidence that they can carry dangerous and sometimes potentially deadly germs, exotic pets may be more prone than cats and dogs to bite, scratch or claw — putting children younger than 5 particularly at risk, the report says."  "Yes, little Johnny, I know all the kids at school have wolverines, but it says so right here on the internet..."

...The gentle surfer holding the ticket purchased in April that reads NLCS Prop:  Phillies v. Dodgers is a pretty gosh darn happy gentle surfer this morning, don't you know? (damn, Governor Palin is simply infectious)  Meanwhile, the Chisox and Angels stave off elimination and force games four in their respective American League Divisional series.  Tampa/Chicago gets things started this evening with a 5:05 first pitch.  Boston/LAA follows.

...The NFL was too weird yesterday to begin commentary.  Gene, the Caucasian's teaser folds like a cardboard suitcase, but the Redskins win their second straight intra-divisional game on the road with a big 23-17 victory over the Eagles.

..."WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A researcher who figured out that Coke explodes sperm and scientists who discovered that people will happily eat stale chips if they crunch loudly enough won alternative "Ig Nobel" prizes Thursday.  Other winners included physicists who found out that anything that can tangle, will tangle and a team of biologists who ascertained that dog fleas jump farther than cat fleas.  The Ig Nobels honor real research, but are meant as a funny alternative to next week's deadly serious Nobel prizes for medicine, chemistry, physics, economics, literature and peace.  The economics prize went to researchers at the University of New Mexico who learned that a professional lap dancer earns bigger tips when she is most fertile, while David Sims of Cass Business School in London won the literature prize "for his lovingly written study 'You Bastard: A Narrative Exploration of the Experience of Indignation within Organizations'," the committee said.  Past winners include the creator of the plastic pink flamingo, a researcher who recorded a mallard duck sodomizing a dead drake and a doctor who cured hiccups by applying digital rectal massage."  No doubt, Suttle World readers, all.

October 5, 2008    2008 POFGC set to start

...It is a special day in Suttle World, as the fourth annual Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic gets underway this morning with opening ceremonies at an undisclosed Buford Highway location, followed by the field making a caravan to Charlie Yates Golf Course where the first round of the the 54 hole event commences at 12:50.  To mark the special occasion, Yankee interloper Paul "Bubs" Waring is going to take an airplane ride.  Sure its not exactly fun to be crammed into a cigar tube by folks who will later comment "that landing gear looks pretty good from down here," but such is the price one pays for fame and glory.  With a single quarter to go, Waring is in contention for the 2008 Road Warrior Cup---won each year by the frequent flyer who amasses more miles than Ed McMahon's credit card balance.  Delta flight 5181 is set to depart Burlington at 6:10, with a scheduled arrival of 8:59 at Hartsfield (the number of pieces in which the aircraft is supposed to arrive is unspecified by Paul's itinerary).  Thousands of airport employees and fellow travelers will be on hand to great Bubs as he returns to the land of the ancients.  Golf wise, there's little about which to pontificate, given there's no scoring or handicapping system in place as of this writing.  Suttle World suspects that state of affairs will be hashed out over breakfast (damn, I'm funny).  Frenzied with the excitement of Ebenezer Scrooge when awakened from his dream on Christmas morning, Suttle World is feeling equally charitable, and, therefore, offers advice to its fellow competitors:  don't think about whether your right heel naturally comes off the ground in your backswing; don't think about that bunker between you and the hole; and by all means, don't think "Once upon a time there was an engineer/Choo Choo Charlie was his name we hear/He had an engine and he sure had fun/He used Good & Plenty candy to make his train run" while standing over a four foot putt on the back side.  Your welcome.  Tomorrow the crowd heads out to another untested track---the Hooch in Duluth, before finishing on the ever dependable Mystery Valley on Tuesday.  If ever calculated, scores will be posted as is convenient. 

...The Suttle World name of the week award goes to Angus Quigley, a running back with the Kansas University Jayhawks.

...While in the college football aisle...Vandy upsets #13 Auburn, and in doing so defeats its first ranked opponent since 1956!  Alabama, quite expectedly, comes out flat against Kentucky, but prevails.  Break up Carolina!  The Tarheels move to 4-1 (1-1) with a 30-12 beat down of #24 UConn last night at Kenan Stadium.  Memo to UNC:  for many years, many have considered Kenan to be among the finest venues in college football.  This year, in three home games, a parachute performing duo missed the ballpark by eight miles, mistakenly landing at Duke, and the lights have gone out.  Perhaps there's a management issue to be addressed.

...Postseason baseball...Its now official, the Chicago Cubs will have gone 100 years without winning a World Series now that the Dodgers have eliminated them from this years playoff action.  The Brewers come off the deck, and get a must win against Philly last night as well.  Game four of the Milwaukee/Philadelphia series is the first game up this afternoon, followed by Tampa Bay's attempt to sweep the White Sox in Comiskey.

...NFL Week 5...Short and sweet and, again, without great enthusiasm---Gene, the Caucasian, lumbers to the wagering window in a desperate effort to cash a winning ticket.  Though still ahead on the season, its been a rough few weeks.  Sticking with the tried and true three team, six point teaser, take (net) WAS +12.5 @ PHI; KC +15.5 @ CAR; and BUF +4.5 @ ARZ.  Pays 9:5.  The Falcons traveling to Green Bay has a suck factor so high, the game is off the board for almost all betting parlors.

...Final sports note, though Suttle World will be occupied with the POFGC, Sunday's ATL TV sports listing is here for the clicking.

"(AP) SUZHOU, China - She's around 80 years old. He's 100. Breathless scientists watched as the world's most endangered turtles successfully mated.  But the attempt to breed the species' last known female with the last known male in China has failed because the eggs didn't hatch, disappointed conservationists said Saturday."  Talk about performance anxiety.  Leave the geezin turtles alone.

...Finally, from the really weird/how in the hell did Suttle World turn up here department comes this.!????????  Let's see if it works again.  Suttle World believes the Bronx to be a perfectly lovely place to set fire to an automobile.

October 4, 2008    Ellipses rule!

...A true ... Saturday if ever there were one in Suttle World.

...The Suttle World Women's Studies Department has issued a major position paper that concludes:  "Though her "don't you know" shtick is a little tiresome, Governor Palin is a pretty swell broad."

...Suttle World is stunned that the campaigns of both major candidates have been absolute train wrecks to date.  Has the McCain campaign officially resumed operations now that the Senator courageously returned to Washington to vote with his opponent to spend $700 BILLION?  Seemingly belly-up in January, McCain was resurrected to win the nomination handily---no small feat, just ask that Jesus guy.  Now someone has to grab the paddles and yell "clear!" in a big hurry, or its over.  Meanwhile the Obama camp, that was run to near perfection prior to the convention, especially by a new comer, is stuck on re-hashed, predictable Democratic platitudes of class warfare and outright dishonesty.  This could have been a fun fight, but at least Bob Dole can pop a Viagra and get jiggy with Libby, giddy by having the yolk of worst run presidential campaign in modern history lifted from his shoulders.  Memo to Senator (Bob) Dole:  you know the drill.  Seek immediate medical attention if it lasts more than four hours.

..."(AP) WASHINGTON - After two weeks of anguishing debate, Congress has passed and President Bush signed a massive plan to save the financial industry and the economy at large from an unthinkable free fall. Now, the world holds its breath, seeing if it will work."  AP writer Jim Abrams need not wait by the phone to hear from the Pulitzer committee regarding his above lead, but he does make Suttle World's point.  A damn near 500 page bill that spends at least $700 BILLION in financial bailouts, bow and arrow subsidies, and mandates on mental health care coverage was passed and signed in a little over 48 hours, and no one on the planet has a clue as to what the legislation does or will do.  Felix Unger couldn't tidy up the freakin' fecal splatter pattern that is this bill.  It may be the greatest thing since the repeal of Prohibition.  It may bring on the end of the Republic.  It may be benign.  Nobody knows, but just in case, lets spend $700 BILLION of other people's money.  No, Suttle World does not want to see credit markets seize, and appreciates the devastating ramifications such an event would have.  Suttle World simply has no idea how the bill fixes the alleged problem.

...Bank of Suttle CFO, Dirk Bremen, remains steadfastly second in line outside the Treasury Department in the nation's capital.  Dirk reports that security personnel have told those in line that as soon as someone finds the part in the 500 page bill as to when to start tossing money out the window, the heaving will begin.  Dirk also says it got ugly again overnight as Wells Fargo and Citi mixed it up over crack ho Wachovia as she huddled in a nearby corner.  Sounds pathetic, but these are desperate times that make for desperate measures---like spending $700 BILLION on something(s).  Memo to Dirk:  a late night, emergency meeting of the Bank of Suttle board concluded that we will require $2.5 billion as opposed to the $2 billion previously believed.

...Sure the winters are tough, but Chicago is one hell of a town. The windy city.  The city that works.  The city with broad shoulders.  The city with a very small penis in post season baseball.

..."LAS VEGAS (AP)—Thirteen years to the day after being acquitted of killing his wife and her friend in Los Angeles, O.J. Simpson was found guilty of robbing two sports-memorabilia dealers at gunpoint in a Las Vegas hotel room.  The 61-year-old former football star was convicted of all 12 counts late Friday after jurors deliberated for more than 13 hours."  Suttle World just hates it when that happens to double murderers.  They've already endured way too much stress to be looking at life (how long is "life" for a 61 year old?) on different charges.  Fear not O.J., the field of the Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic promises to continue your search for the real killer while abusing several courses next week.

...For the non-regular gentle surfer, this is what we in Suttle World call a segue...The excitement builds on the eve of the Fourth Annual Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic.  The invitees have agreed on an opening ceremony that this year will include the first ever Small, Tiny and Microscopic, Arful on Two, Make It a Plate Brunch.  It is an invitation only affair, and fearing unwanted interference from the press and well wishers, Suttle World will not disclose the location of the festivities.  Regardless, the real action gets under way at the "executive" track that is Charlie Yates Golf Course in the city of Atlanta.  Tee time is 12:50 Sunday afternoon.  Patrons are advised that satellite parking and complimentary shuttle service will be available.  Just follow the signs.  Surprisingly, badges were still available as of this writing.  The gentle surfer is encouraged to contact their local Ticketshyster outlet for details.  Round two is set for Monday at another "executive" layout---The Hooch; and Tuesday brings the crowd the very familiar Mystery Valley, both with noon tee times.

"(AP) CAPLEN, Texas - A homeowner whose beachfront property in Texas was destroyed during Hurricane Ike has found a football-size fossil tooth in the debris."  Paleontologists from the University of Texas said rumors of the fossil being Barbara Bush were premature, and that further DNA testing would be required to make a definite identification.

October 3, 2008    Biden out-bores Palin

...Bottom line:  Joe Biden read his script better than did Sarah Palin last night, as the Alaska Governor missed her chance for a first round knock out.  "I'd like to thank Senator Biden, the Debate Committee and especially my running mate Senator McCain who has screwed any chance we ever had of winning this election by going off his medication in the past week."  All in all this may not be the worst of things.  The one thing the markets hate most is uncertainty.  Elect Senator McCain, and its far from certain as to which way tax policy will head.  Elect Senator Obama (along with Democratic control of both houses of Congress), and the markets get the certainty of a tax increase and the resultant very deep recession into which the current unstable economy will immediately fall.  If the SEC lifts the short selling ban, then its all good.  If not, the good old USA gets a diversity lesson in being a third world nation much sooner than Suttle World had envisioned.

...As noted on the home page (the gentle surfer should always enter Suttle World from the home page!), over half an hour of video of The Dictators first of four gigs in Spain is now on YouTube.  Its Wednesday night's show in Barcelona.  Last night it was Alicante (from which Suttle World would expect other video clips soon).  Tonight the Bronx Bombers head for Madrid before ending the short tour Saturday night in Bilbao.  The links are proudly posted by webmistress extraordinaire, Ms. Karen, on The Dictators site here, or may be seen directly  by clicking here - The Dictators YouTube channel.  To the gentle surfer this may not seem like much.  To the malnourished of The Dictators Underground, the grainy home video provides much needed sustenance.  The parched Dichead gulps greedily from the less than stellar audio.  It is our ration for the time being, as Spaniards literally revel in the presence of the world's greatest rock n roll band.  The Beatles didn't get this big of a reception at Shea, as the gentle surfer will note from the video.  Finally, and regretfully on a sour note, Suttle World does not wish to have to bring suit against the band seeking equitable relief under the common law doctrine to promissory estoppel for breach of a bi-lateral contract, but its preparing the brief just in case.  Suttle World knows where everyone can be served---except the address of the LA record store in which Scott works.  Please be governed accordingly!

...CC Sabathia meet Greg Maddux.  Greg Maddux meet CC.  Suttle World is still outraged that Brewer catcher Jason Kendall didn't perform the Heimlich maneuver on his pitcher before walking opposing hurler Brett Myers after getting ahead 0-2 with two out in the second.  A big league October choke that the Milwaukee bat rack didn't exactly help by making Myers look like Tom Seaver.  Actually much like a corn blight, baseball pretty much sucks all over the Midwest.  The Cubs, in the midst of a 102 year rebuilding project, fall behind 2 games to none to the Dodgers, and the south side's Chisox drop the opening game of their series with the Rays.  Games two of Chicago/Tampa and Boston/LA (Angels) are on tap for tonight.  

..."(AP) WASHINGTON - Rejected once amid public fury about bailing out reckless financiers, a $700 billion rescue package is getting a second chance in the House as voters anxiously ponder an economic meltdown that could wipe out their ability to borrow, plunder their savings and put them out of work."  Memo to both chambers of the USA's legislative branch:  Go home!  Go home immediately.  Do not pass Go.  Do not spend $700 billion.  Suttle World, Bernie Sanders, and Neil Cavuto---arm in arm, a true Kumbaya moment of stop the madness that even a self proclaimed Socialist (Sanders) understands.  Meanwhile, Bank of Suttle CFO, Dirk Bremen, continues his vigil in a lawn chair outside the Treasury Department to collect the $2 billion necessary to keep the financial institution afloat.  Dirk reports that the Bank of Suttle remains second in line, behind Goldman Sachs, as they await the cash to start flying.  Bremen also noted that there was an ugly scene overnight as BB&T had to give a beat down to Morgan Stanley that tried to break in line.  Dirk said he believes he overheard something to the effect of "how you like this overnight loan, bitch?" as the scuffle ensued.  DC police have returned order to the line that now stretches around the corner, and down H Street to Lafayette Park (about three blocks from where Suttle World lost the rental car).

...The Fourth Annual Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic page is now up and running, with updates and improvements to come fast and furious up to and throughout the coveted event that begins Sunday afternoon.  As is the privilege of the current wearer of the Walter Nitty Jacket, defending champion Moke has decided to change the venue for this year's Champion's Dinner from The Varsity to Everybody's at Emory Village---a land once frequently wandered by the ancients in their former lives.

...(AP) NEW YORK - Burger King Corp. said Thursday it is now cooking with trans fat free cooking oils at all of its restaurants nationwide."  This is good news.  Now if Burger King Corp. will simply advertise with  creepy king free television spots, Suttle World would  be most appreciative.  Dude is a freak, and Suttle World hears that word on the street is that the king cannot live within 500 feet of a school bus stop.

October 2, 2008    Senate mandates all lottery tickets big winners

...And other than that, how have you enjoyed the week so far, Mrs. Lincoln?  Suttle World triumphantly returns after its techno flawed hiatus.

...Congratulations, Senator McCain.  Showing that whacky maverick style for which you have become so well known, you stood tall on the Senate floor yesterday evening, and voted away your one big show biz shot at the presidency.  Yes, with amazing courage and statesmanship, you and your fellow members of the world's most exclusive club approved spending $700 BILLION on....well, nobody really knows, but who cares?  Its less than a single fiscal quarter of the current bloated federal budget.  Its just money.   A couple other thoughts on the bail out:  first, no one has bothered to point out that pesky little part of the Constitution that says all tax and spending bills must originate in the House.  Sure, its picking nits about a document no longer in use, but Suttle World has its eccentricities.  Second, Suttle World CFO, Dirk Bremen, is already camped out in a lawn chair in front of the Treasury Department.  Dirk is a trooper.  He's second in line, behind Goldman Sachs, to collect a couple billion for the teetering Bank of Suttle as soon as the House can pass its own welfare reform bill, and the cash starts flying.  What, never heard of the Bank of Suttle?  Its a small institution, chartered Monday, with a questionable loan portfolio, that executives insist will require $2 billion to rescue.  The bank's board is meeting in Aruba, awaiting CEO Suttle World, Bremen and the suitcase full of cash.  Enough cynicism, this is truly history in the making, as the gentle surfer can watch Congress vote away the Republic in real time. 

...On the home front, the current economic turmoil has been felt at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.  After intense negotiations, the three dogs have reluctantly agreed to relinquish all their plastic excepting a single MasterCard.  Agatha, who continues to insist on being called by her street name "The Cat," commented on the move:  "Dogs are stupid.  I had to remind them that Wal-Mart doesn't take Visa."

...This just in:  we're all going to die.  The Washington Post reports that minorities, women and children are expected to be hit hardest.

...The tee times are set for the fourth annual Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic (this year's page shall have to wait until later today or tomorrow for completion)!  The fearsome foursome will enjoin the battle Sunday at Charlie Yates Golf Course.  Tee time is 12:50, with opening ceremonies immediately preceding.  Monday, the group moves up to Duluth to face the never before seen Hooch---another "executive course," before finishing up Tuesday at perennial favorite Mystery Valley.  Tee times for the last two rounds are 12:04 and 12:03, respectively.  Defending champion Moke may well be the heavy favorite if Suttle World had any clue as to how this year's event will be handicapped or scored.  Wiffle Atlanta has announced an autumn golf outing.  Details to follow at the event that presumably will be held at the newly opened to the great unwashed Smoke Rise Golf Club and Country Club.  Probably just Suttle World, but isn't the term country club oxymoronic, or at least highly unnecessary?

...Oh yeah, post season baseball gets cranked up, despite the crumbling economy and the fact that we're all going to die.  The Brewers, Dodgers and Red Sox jump out to 1-0 leads with wins yesterday.  The action continues this afternoon.  A complete TV lineup is here for the clicking.

...Cuzin Matt's latest installment of Bruner's Texas Takes is now snug in its home where it so rightfully along, having heroically served as "above the fold" material for the techno impaired Suttle World yesterday.

...Tonight's VP "debate" will be interesting.  Gwen Ifill's career would be over if she were writing a book about Senator McCain to be released on inauguration day, but because its about Senator Obama, the Washington press corps, of which over 90% will vote Democrat in November, will let this "slight conflict" slide.  The only cheerful item Suttle World presently sees on the political horizon is the fact that the main reason President Bush was elected to two terms was because he was consistently underestimated as a candidate by his oh so erudite, intellectual opposition.

...A return from hiatus brings with it catch up duties that truncate today's update.  Stay tuned for more big time bail out and POFGC news as it happens.

SUTTLEWORLD