Archives---October, 2007

October 31, 2007

...And a happy Halloween to the gentle surfer from Suttle World that finally finds some use for the peculiar adult appropriated "holiday."  The upside comes courtesy of the no doubt Halloween inspired "front page" feature on allmusic.com today regarding a recent re-release of a Mummies CD.  Suttle World looks at its ever inept staff and shakes its head ruefully, as once again Suttle World wonders why no one told it about this band that is right in the Suttle World wheel house.  "Sounding like it was recorded in an acoustically untreated basement on equipment that might have been state of the art in 1947, ... is one long blast of monophonic skwak, with the needles almost perpetually in the red as four guys in mummy outfits bash out crude '60s-style rock about beer, babes, and open hostility on battered gear which was doubtless discarded by tone-deaf teenagers who got over their 15-minute delusion of possible future rock stardom in 1966."  Put it on the stocking stuffer list, cause to borrow from brother David Allen Coe:  "if that ain't Suttle World, I'll kiss your ass."  As to the rest of October 31st---well, let's just say its downhill from here.  First the aforementioned adult appropriation makes it just what the calendar needed:  another amateur night.  If having others vomit upon one's shoes and/or dodging Bubba, medicated with a case of Stroh's and dressed as Dolly Parton, weaving his Dodge Ram into oncoming traffic is the gentle surfer's cup of tea, then tonight is definitely a must do.  Others will remain homebound and engage in the more traditional ritual of being annoyed by a constant ringing of the doorbell, and the ergs incumbent with each ding-dong.  And the record will show that, no, they aren't that cute---merely annoying; and perhaps more so because it is a slam dunk certainty that despite clear and dry conditions, this evening's rush hour will be, per usual:  the the absolute worst of the year.  And what is the gentle surfer's reward for enduring Halloween?  November---the gentle surfer no doubt recalls November and the onset of the stifling holiday season.  Yes, Halloween:  the official start of the Suttle World holiday whine fest.

...AMF to Robert Goulet who left this mortal coil this morning at 73----awaiting a lung transplant to treat a rare pulmonary disease with which he had recently been diagnosed.  Cheesy enough to be the official baritone of Wisconsin, and good natured enough to get it, Goulet had long ago achieved household name status, and took it straight to the bank.

..."PHILADELPHIA (AP) - Hillary Rodham Clinton's rivals ganged up on her during a two-hour Democratic presidential debate Tuesday night, putting the front-runner on defense on issues ranging from Iraq and Iran to Social Security and whether she would be electable in the general election.  Gone was the Clinton who laughed off their answers and joked about how she's lucky to be getting so much attention from all these men at her age. Clinton clearly had decided she must defend herself from rivals who are right on her heels in the leadoff voting state of Iowa and who pose a real threat to her winning the Democratic nomination."  Suttle World is still adamant in its forecast of an eventual Hillary meltdown that will have Howard Dean scratching his head saying, "damn." Que the Psycho shower scene strings.  Its coming, and its gonna be fun.  Kill the Psycho stuff---its annoying.  "Senator Clinton, could you please explain again how your billing records from the Rose Law Firm that were under subpoena for two years, mysteriously showed up on a table in the living quarters of the White House?  Senator, do you believe your husband raped Juanita Broaddrick?"  Kaboom!, and before you know it, Hillary gray matter is showing up on eBay after the spontaneous combustion.

...From the pages of the Washington Post:  "Asked about the statement by actress Shirley MacLaine that Kucinich had seen a UFO at her house, Kucinich said that he had. He quickly sought to clarify -- an "unidentified flying object" he said holding up his hand -- but man oh man."  Suttle World wonders as to which is stranger:  seeing a flying saucer, or hearing a conversation between Shirley MacLaine and Dennis Kucinich.

...From a Suttle World favorite:  City Journal, resident genius Charles Dalrymple explains that the French have solved crime by deciding that criminals are really the victims.  In another essay, Dalrymple laments the secular state in which he finds in the west generally, and his native UK specifically.

...The gentle surfer who has yet to behold the Trinity University 15 lateral, game winning play against Milsaps from last weekend, can find it here for a well spent two minutes of viewing.

October 30, 2007

..."Oil hit a new record high of $93.80 and the dollar struck a new low yesterday as investors showed their growing certainty that the US Federal Reserve will cut interest rates on Wednesday."  Good lead penned by Michael Mackenzie of Financial Times.com .  Its an accurate assessment, but Suttle World simply cannot compute the radical variables of $90 oil, a dollar that is now equal to that of Canada---a former running joke of a currency, and Bernanke into anything like a clear view of the US economy as it currently stands, much less six months or a year out.  Tis a dynamic time if nothing else.  Suttle World does remain convinced that the gentle surfer has a sure thing, short term, big bucks bonanza awaiting by selling stuff in New York or Orlando to Euros whose Euros are being converted into lots of dollars for the spending.   T-shirts, shish-kabobs, nuclear reactors---doesn't matter.  They're buying, and coming in droves for the holidays just as they did during the summer.

...As long as the gentle surfer is in the good lead aisle, try this sample:  "DALLAS (Reuters) - A lock of socialist revolutionary Ernesto "Che" Guevara's hair and related items were auctioned on Thursday in Dallas to a Houston-area bookstore owner for the very capitalist sum of $119,500."

...49 years ago this evening a 23 year old Orson Welles and his Mercury Theater Company caused a nationwide panic with his broadcast of "War of the Worlds."

..."(AP) WASHINGTON - It's a nickname no principal could be proud of: "Dropout Factory," a high school where no more than 60 percent of the students who start as freshmen make it to their senior year. That dubious distinction applies to more than one in 10 high schools across America."  Though the AP piece makes to reference to same, Suttle World would wager a fair sum that the per pupil spending in the aforementioned 10% of dropout factories is significantly higher than the national average.  Just another opportunity to beat the "voucher" drums---anything to diminish government's monopolistic hold on "educating" the nation's little boys and girls.  And these are the folks you want to run your health care?  Will the Utopian Universal Health Center to which the gentle surfer has been assigned by staffed by products of dropout factories?

..."TBILISI, Georgia (Reuters) - Georgian athlete Lasha Pataraia might not be the strongest man on earth but he may have the strongest ears.  Pataraia believes he has dragged himself into the record books at the Alexeyevka military airfield near the Georgian capital Tbilisi on the weekend when he pulled a 7,734 kg (17,050 lb) military helicopter for 26.3 metres (yards) with his ear.  Pataraia, 27, encouraged by a crowd of his family, friends and supporters, attached one end of the rope to his ear while the other end was tied to the front wheel of the helicopter.  Followed by the cheering crowd, he pulled it for about 20 seconds, almost fainting after he finished."  Now that's entertainment.

October 29, 2007

...Going ape shit in Beantown.  The Red Sox put another title in their pocket by virtue of sweeping a World Series that only a New Englander could love.  The Patriots are from another planet---playing at a level of dominance that at this writing makes them more dominant than any dynastic franchise Suttle World can ever recall.  Others may have had longer dominant runs, but nobody was ever as dominant on "any given Sunday" as is New England at this particular point.  And though Penn State refused to attend the party Saturday night, BC backers are still reasonably pleased with their #2 position in the polls.  Suttle World encourages revelry over such splendid performances, but also urges a degree of humility, as it is Suttle World's understanding that teams can go as long as 98 years between championships. 

...AMF to country music legend Porter Wagoner, known for a string of country hits in the '60s, perennial appearances at the Grand Ole Opry in his trademark rhinestone suits, and for launching the career of Dolly Parton. Porter left this mortal coil Sunday, succumbing to lung cancer at the age of 80.

...The auto-generated email from Google yesterday afternoon provided what will most certainly be the November link of the month in the form of Suttle Music Online.  The Suttle in question here is a 17 year old aspiring hip hop icon---the pride of Elmira, NY.  This could prove interesting.

...As noted, the Pats made strained carrots of the Redskins yesterday, but Suttle World's DUFFLE entry appears poised to bounce back from last week's single loss of the season to extend its record to 7-1.  Nephew Ridge remains in the fourth and final DUFFLE playoff spot with a intra stately Roberts/Suttle Manor game against the lady of the house.  For the record, Tom Brady has notched 112 points for nephew Ridge in the past three weeks.  And almost as captivating as the 52-7 drubbing the Skins took, was the Giants thrilling 13-10 win over the hapless Dolphins in London on a Wembley pitch better suited for spindly soccer players than 325 pound linemen. 

...The atmosphere has finally turned turbulent in the tropics, but no organized storm system would appear to pose any threat to North American at this writing.

October 28, 2007

...The great offering staged yesterday at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor proved to be well worth the effort.  No great fortunes brought forth, but a few extra bucks in the pocket and a significantly lowered inventory of stuff makes for a Suttle World happy whatever Suttle World is.

...On the collegiate gridiron it was a dismal day in Suttle World.  Carolina starts the afternoon by turning in an effort not worthy of the diesel required for the bus ride to and from Winston Salem for a drubbing at the hands of Wake.  Georgia has a rare scoreboard in their favor, despite the most bush league display ever witnessed by Suttle World in the form of the orchestrated parade/June Taylor Dancer imitation/bullshit demonstration following their first touchdown that should have had Richt tossed.  Suttle World is still left wondering if the Florida defense was ever found.  "Would the Florida defense please pick up the white courtesy phone?"  Finally, in the evening's marquee matchup, Ohio State rolls, making Suttle World's rant of yesterday a tad less sage (and kills the proposed teaser).  The only upside it that it'll just make the choke against Michigan (Nov. 17) that much more entertaining.   Interspersed was a disappointing fourth quarter, come from behind win by Georgia Southern over the Citadel in Statesboro.  While fun to catch neighbor Clay more than hold his own at right guard, the meltdown was a big letdown for many in and around stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.  Let the madness continue.  The more the BCS/status quo looks like erotic photos of Totie Fields, the brighter the mood and more amused Suttle World is.

...Whoa Nellie, New England...If Suttle World understands the situation correctly, the Red Sox have a 3-0 lead in the World Series, and go tonight with the current era's "one guy you'd give the ball to if you had to win a post season game/Smoltz/Gibson" against a ball club that has only scored 7 runs in their three losses.  Suttle World speculates that there will be some rather heady telephone conversations among the Boston powers to be in anticipation of Patriot's Day/Go ape shit or already be passed out (x2) come Monday.

...Onward to the NFL aisle...Smarting from its first loss of the season, Suttle World's DUFFLE entry suffers from a serious case of byeitis, and is greatly concerned about its chances this week as the 6-1 Dictators face off against an up and coming 2-5 Fighting Irish club (hey, John's won two straight, and the computer predicts him to be a two point winner/favorite).  The self inflicted orgy of off weeks may actually have Suttle World leaving the tight end position vacant.  Oh the humanity!  Some sort of working DUFFLE page may actually be up and running before the weekend comes to a close. The trauma is offset by the fact that the Falcons are among the week's bye teams, meaning the TV scheduled is much more desirable, allowing Suttle World the opportunity to watch its beloved Redskins take their shot a the seemingly invincible Patriots.  The gentle surfer could more than cover the losses already sustained by Penn State busting up yesterday's Gene, the Caucasian's teaser recommendation by parlaying Indy -6.5 @ Carolina and Washington +16.5 @ New England.  Pays better than 5:2.  Finally, while Suttle World understands the need to mine markets outside the US to sustain growth of gear sales, etc..., the Giants-Dolphins game in London today is dumber than Barbara Boxer.

...Props to Curlin, who paid his backers a respectable $10.80 and cemented his place as the reigning heavyweight champion of thoroughbred racing, with a decisive win of the Breeders' Cup Classic, as witnessed by an embarrassing "crowd" of 41,000 at a rain soaked Monmouth Park yesterday.  An interesting aside for the gentle surfer who is a wagering/math buff:  Suttle World caught a few of the races, and noted a mention of a guaranteed $3 million pick six pool.  The guarantee evidently never had to kick in, given the published size of the pool was $3.2 million.  Anyway, there were 6 winning combos/$2 tickets worth a seeming paltry $321,813.20.  Hit the pick 6 in the toughest races on the planet to handicap on a sloppy track or very soft turf course, and ya get less than half a million?!!!!  Suttle World wonders as to how many of the six winners were syndicates of one form or another.

...In the real world, where the color of the sky is still obscured by lingering smoke, over a million people who evacuated various portions of SoCal have or are returning to what is or was their homes in the orderly fashion in which the left, and calling their insurance agents.  What a concept!  Suttle World often has limited sympathy for those who choose to dwell in the path of predictable natural disasters, but is also acutely aware that if not for nut case "environmentalists," a common sense approach to brush cutting/control would have significantly diminished, and arguably eliminated, the huge losses sustained this time, and those that will be sustained in the inevitable fires of the future.   Memo to Senator Reid:  was it global warming that caused the accused arsonists in these fires to just "lose it," and strike the match?

October 27, 2007

...It may not be the biggest yard sale in the ATL today, but stately Roberts/Suttle Manor will host one of the best starting at sunrise this morning.  Years of "hang on to it, we'll put it in the yard sale," has finally been combined with other furnishings replaced by last weekend's "moving" foray from the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite headquarters.  No ragged "I'm With Stupid" t-shirts; no tattered Kerouac novels---just good stuff.  Furniture (including a complete real cherry bed room suite), lighting, electronics.   Good stuff for which Suttle World must continue its marketing campaign soon in the pre-dawn hours----armed only with poster board and a staple gun.  Memo to Tucker utility poles:  you have been warned.

...Suttle World had caught part of this before---a PBS "concert" of forgotten name, that featured Willie, Merle, Kristofferson, et al.  The portion that Suttle World picked up on last night was the show's opening that featured Ray Price who proceeded to immediately evacuate all fecal material from Suttle World at a high velocity.  The 81 year old Price was singing as well in 2007 as he did in 1967!  Pickers and keyboard ticklers can keep at it well into their golden years, but signing is a whole different kettle of fish.  Looks good, sounds great---Price is amazing!  Well worth the gentle surfer's time the next it comes around on the local government TV station.

...Come Monday, it is possible that  the Red Sox will have a World Championship in their pocket by sweeping the World Series against the Rockies.  What is highly likely is that Boston College will the the top ranked team in the country.  Ohio State has long been the paradigm of choking away big games, and today will be no exception.  The usual scenario is to wait and blow it against Michigan the final week of the season.  This year, the Buckeyes fall to Joe Pa's Penn State crew in Happy Valley.  The game also sets the stage for a long overdue Gene, the Caucasian's, weekend teaser (net): Penn State +9.5 v. Ohio State; Indianapolis  -1 @ Carolina; and  Washington +22.5 @ New England. Pays 9:5.

...The Breeders' Cup snuck up on Suttle World, but the world's finest thoroughbreds will gather at Monmouth Park in lovely Oceanport, NJ for the eight race extravaganza today, beginning with the card's fourth race---for Juvenile Fillies set for a 12:30 post time (ESPN).  Jorge Velazquez will be atop morning line favorite Lawyer Ron in the nine horse Breeders' Cup Classic---a mile and a quarter affair set to go off at 5:30.  Memo to jockeys:  pack extra goggles---a sloppy track will become only sloppier as rain is forecast to fall on the Garden State again today.

October 26, 2007

...Suttle World is going to leave the heavy lifting to others this final Friday in October, but not before sending props to the BoSox for taking a 2-0 World Series lead to Denver where play will resume Saturday night.  And major props to #2 BC who won arguably the biggest game in the program's history last night on the road against Virginia Tech.  A complete rundown of the ATL TV sports schedule is here for the clicking.

...Now on with the show....First, Walter Williams provides a primer on the limits of Congressional power, and a friendly suggestion that the feds try complying with the Constitution.  Just something to keep in mind as the heady topics of health care for poor, sickly children or rutabaga subsidies become the demagoguery D' jur.   

...Next, comes the equally brilliant Thomas Sowell with an examination of the charade "higher education" has become for most of the nation's aspiring college students.

...Last, but far from least, our final genius literary take comes from the traveling keyboard of cuzin Matt with yet another of his >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

October 25, 2007

...If not for a shift in winds and weather generally, the southern California wildfires could have reached Katrina sized proportions in terms of the numbers affected.  The notion of evacuating half a million people is even more mind boggling than the burn areas where damage has yet to be assessed, and will be incomprehensible when the final counting is done.  Two arson arrests have been made, but authorities have yet to make any mention of a motive for either of the suspects.

..."(AFP) - After long delays and billions of dollars in cost overruns, the Airbus superjumbo -- the biggest airliner ever built -- took off on Thursday for its first commercial flight.  "We are indeed honoured to have you grace the first commercial flight today. Sit back, relax and enjoy the flight," Captain Robert Ting told passengers as flight attendants handed out hot towels and cameras clicked." A tremendous advance in aviation---over 400 people trying to cram steamer trunks into overhead bins.  Where does Suttle World sign up?

...13-1 or 2-1, a win is a win, and Beckett was going to win at least one if not both of his starts in this series; and so the Red Sox take a 1-0 lead in a 2007 World Series that Suttle World believes to be far from over.

...Suttle World was not particularly struck by what President Bush had to say about Cuba in remarks made yesterday, but the timing seemed interesting.  Unmentioned by any of the media sources Suttle World has consulted, is the possibility/suspicion that Washington has gotten word that Comrade Fidel has only a week left, or has already "bought" the communal farm.

...Aspiring journalists will find an excellent example of how not to write a lead in a Reuters wire story this morning.  "AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - The Dutch town of Breda has decided to rename a new street that was to have been called St. Fiacrius court after people started calling it Viagra court."  If readers react with a collective "huh?" after reading your lead, it probably needs some punching up.

October 24, 2007

...“One reason why we have the fires in California is global warming,” Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) told reporters Tuesday, stressing the need to pass the Democrats’ comprehensive energy package.  Suttle World would recommend that Senator Reid step in front of the next METRO bus that he sees motoring about the District of Columbia, but doubts he's bright enough to pull it off.

...One week remaining in October, meaning Thanksgiving (x2) can't be far away.  Sure, the traditional holiday with its turkey and hideous Lions game is set for the 22nd, but that will pale in comparison to November's first Thanksgiving this year---the release of The Dictators Everyday Is Saturday - "The all-true adventures of The Dictators, from pre-punk shenanigans to the sound of Young America to the death of rock n' roll!"  The double lp/cd will feature demo recordings of tunes the gentle surfer has come to know and love along with a number of previously unreleased cuts, including pre-Manitoba stuff from 1973!  Released by Norton records next month, the album will be available through the above link soon.

...The World Series finally gets underway tonight in Boston, where the visiting Rockies---the winners of 22 of their last 23 games---are 2:1 underdogs for both the series and tonight's contest.

October 23, 2007

...Over a quarter million residents have been evacuated from San Diego County alone---the result of SoCal wild fires that are expected to be strengthened today by continuing hot and windy weather.  The evacuees included San Diego Chargers running back LaDainian Tomlinson who disappointed emergency workers by running less than 100 yards from his home yesterday. 

...Props to the city of brotherly love.  "PHILADELPHIA (Reuters) - Philadelphia is home to the least attractive people in the United States, a survey of visitors and residents showed on Friday.  The city of more than 1.5 million people was also found to be among the least stylish, least active, least friendly and least worldly, according to the "America's Favorite Cities" survey by Travel and Leisure magazine and CNN Headline News."  And this just in:  the Eagles cannot suck enough.  Alas, Philadelphia residents may have a match across the pond.  "BRUSSELS (Reuters) - A poll of Europeans showed people of different nationalities liked each other more after getting to know each other, except in the case of the British -- who became less popular."

October 22, 2007

...Save for returning the 14 foot rental truck to a location proximate to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor this morning, the weekend's really big move has come to completion; and despite the Manor's current status that has it being scouted as a site for the Toe Stubbing World Championships, all parties seem pleased with the booty brought forth that will accommodate an untold number of booties in the years to come.

...Though the visit to the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite headquarters lasted little more than 24 hours, there was still enough time to take in some High Velocity Wrestling at the new and improved House of Pain in lovely Hendersonville.  Suttle World snapped a few "pics" using a camera with which it was not familiar; and the end product reflects the lack of experience.  It was something of a slow night for the minor league pro-wrestling venue, but a good time was had by all.  Suttle World noted that the House of Pain is soliciting those who may wish to become involved in the endeavor.  This immediately gave Suttle World pause to consider a vision of a turd sized cigar clinched between its teeth, while attired with a seersucker suit and managing the Young Assassins (nephew Ridge and able bodied buddy Daniel)---with the really cool masks and everything.  Details as they unfold.

...Memo to Indians fans:  please slowly step away from the shower curtain rod.  Sure its disappointing to blow a 3-1 series lead, but these things take time---as in a 90-100 years.  Just ask the ball club against whom you choked away the aforementioned lead.  Rest assured that Suttle World is confident a World Series championship is headed Cleveland's way by 2045 at the latest.

...Michael Vick has only been gone for seven games.  The Falcons have now lost 23 consecutive games in which they trailed entering the fourth quarter.  John Elway would be proud.  In other NFL happenings that escaped Suttle World on big move Sunday:  The Redskins get a narrow victory over Arizona to improve to 4-2, a record that puts them third out of four teams in the NFC East;  Tennessee Titans kicker Rob Bironas set an all time record by kicking EIGHT field goals in their win over Houston; and how great would it be to have the old champagne cork go off in the collective asses of the old, fat former Dolphins, as New England goes 16-0 the same year Miami is 0-16?  In DUFFLE action, Suttle World's entry appears destined for its first loss of the season---The Dictators trail by 9 with a single player still to go tonight, while its opponent has two players remaining, one of whom is Peyton.  If Suttle World does get to 7-0 after tonight's contest, the gentle surfer is urged to get right with God ASAP, as the end will certainly be upon us.

October 20, 2007

...A singular update this morning for the third weekend of October, as fear and loathing increase with the approach of a foray by Suttle World, nephew Ridge and buddy Daniel, embarking on a 24 hour journey to engage in a form of the most dreaded, frightful endeavor known to mankind:  moving.  Could be worse, no boxes or the crinkling of newspaper involved here, merely a dozen or so pieces of furniture, each with a glandular issue that gives pause to the lifter and toter as to whether the items are constructed of lead.  Driving to the western North Carolina satellite headquarters, no problem---a quick 3 hour jaunt.  Renting a 16' truck and backing up a serpentine drive, no problem.  Loading the incredibly dense cargo upon said truck from a very flat, wide open, ranch style home, no problem.  Motoring the load down the steepest grade of interstate highway east of the Mississippi (assuming 2nd gear works in the rental unit), no problem.  Unloading the haul at the split level stately Roberts/Suttle Manor with a three stair walk up to the front door---now that's a problem, but a problem for anther day, tomorrow.

...The commentary of numerous economists, alleged Wall Street insiders and other sundry talking heads leaves Suttle World with the impression that the cause of yesterday's 366 point drop in the DOW (about 2%) was simply one of timing---with everyone selling everything in sight to "celebrate" the 20th anniversary of the '87 crash.  Suttle World speculates the correction will be corrected by the end of the next trading week.  Memo to Dirk Bremen of Des Moines:  please make the minimum payment of $37 on your VISA account by the due date next week so that we might avoid another tumultuous day.

...Florida at Kentucky should be the marquee matchup in the college football world this afternoon, but given the whacky 2007 season to date...

...Saturday---a fine day to check in with our currently roaming correspondent, cuzin Matt and another installment of his now truly world famous>>>>>>>>

October 19, 2007

..."(AP) ST. PAUL - The man accused of ripping the head off of a duck at a downtown hotel made "a big mistake" and is remorseful, his attorney said.  Scott Clark, 26, of Denver, was charged with felony animal cruelty after he allegedly ripped the head off of a duck that lived in an ornamental pond at the Embassy Suites Hotel."  An investigation by local authorities revealed that alcohol was a factor in the incident Wednesday.  Suttle World can well imagine how the casual drinker might become a bit tipsy at the innkeepers' free wine happy hour, but how many bottles of cheap Chardonnay does dude have to chug before pulling the head off a duck?

...Josh Beckett is sick, and his contagion keeps the BoSox alive with a 7-1 win last night.  The series returns to Boston Saturday for game six with the Indians holding  a 3-2 lead.  A game seven, if necessary, is set for Sunday night.  A complete rundown of the ATL weekend sports schedule is here for the clicking.  FYI---the gust felt by the gentle surfer last night was the collective sigh of relief from the BCS committee as #2 Florida Southern fell to Rutgers.

...Its a really big weekend for Suttle World, featuring big trips, big furniture, big trucks and big teens that are set to coalesce in the transport of a heaping helping of home furnishings being moved from the western North Carolina satellite headquarters of Suttle World to the home offices here in lovely Tucker, GA.  Updates as they happen.

...It is duly noted that the date of SOTD is obviously a release date, with Suttle World unable to determine exactly when the demo that was posthumously released as a single in '63 was actually recorded.

October 18, 2007

...Unfortunately, Suttle World is increasingly persuaded that the Democratic Congressional leadership is indeed involved in a deliberate, back-door effort to emasculate the war effort via the Armenian genocide resolution (it'll piss off Turkey who will then deny US use of its border to supply Iraq).  Doing so would qualify as a top 10 contemptible Congressional act of all time, though falling short of the number one slot that may always be held by the '94 Congress, and they're failure to deliver.  Of course the root of the problem, is not this outrageous action by Congress, but the fact that a large portion of the American electorate buys into the "Republicans don't want kids to have health insurance; Republicans won't recognize the slaughter of a million Armenians..." bullshit upon which the Democratic party and its constituency has fed for generations.

...It was an innocent radio PSA that inspired Suttle World to experiment as to whether it could be successful in beginning an anti-Semitic (only due to the particular circumstances---Suttle World would gladly substitute any other group, religious or secular) internet rumor.   OK, here goes:  www.ajc.com is for The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.  www.ajc.org is for the American Jewish Committee.  Do they really want us to believe this is a coincidence?  Just further evidence of who really controls the media.  Certainly not Suttle World's best work, but these idiotic things have to have a genesis.

...Things aren't exactly looking up for OJ with one of his cohorts officially rolling over by making a deal and stating that guns were involved in the Vegas incident.  Suttle World is all for prosecuting the murdering bastard to the fullest extent of the law, but urges restraint in any effort to get a "do over."  Affording due process to all assholes all the time ensures it will be afforded to the gentle surfer if/when necessary.

...After starting the 2007-8 campaign 0-6, the Atlanta Thrashers fired head coach Bob Hartley yesterday; but given hockey is dead...The Gwinnett Gladiators season begins with a home opener this Saturday night.

October 17, 2007

...GREENVILLE, SC - "Dr. Bob Jones III, chancellor of the fundamentalist Christian university that bears his name, is looking past his religious differences with Gov. Mitt Romney and endorsing the Mormon for the Republican nomination for president, he told The Greenville News today.  "This is all about beating Hillary," Jones said. "And I just believe that this man has the credentials both personally and ideologically in terms of his view about what American government should be to best represent the rank and file of conservative Americans."  Suttle World brings this to gentle surfer's attention, not to tote Romney's water---rather to illustrate that even the hockey helmet wearing, short bus riding nuts at Bob Jones get it with regard to Hillary.

...(AP), New York - "Turner Sports president David Levy said network executives were "still very, very happy" with their seven-year deal with Major League Baseball despite a convergence of factors leading to low[est ever] NLCS ratings in their first year airing the playoffs."  Suttle World is buying that, believing the only thing that could make ole' Dave even happier would be lower numbers.  Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of folks---Time-Warner, the beached whale of broadcasting.

...OK, the Larry Craig, Village People claymation video is well worth a link to its youtube locale.

...Tribe thumps Sox, and take a seemingly insurmountable (yeah, yeah, Suttle World remembers) 3-1 lead in the ALCS.  A whacky day off today for the series (to accommodate an NLCS that's already over), and they get back at it in the Land of Cleves Thursday, 8:00 - Fox.; and then maybe wait nearly a week before the World Series begins.  Suttle World has difficulty imagining that any more revenue can be wrung from TV by virtue of setting World Series dates in concrete six months before the fact, especially since game one will be on a Wednesday night!  Just move it up  a few days, for God's sake.

...Though unconfirmed by an inept local media, Suttle World issues its tentative props to Leslie, the official nephew Ridge girl friend, and her fellow Lady Tigers, as it is believed that the varsity volleyball team advanced from region play to the Georgia State Championship Tournament.  More details are forthcoming as sources richer in authenticity are consulted.

October 16, 2007

...Dick Tracey's arch enemy, Prune Face, a/k/a Don Imus is scheduled to make his return to the airwaves with the standard issue Imus in the Morning Show beginning December 3 on arguably the "biggest" station in the nation, WABC.  This according to a Drudge Report exclusive this morning.  While there's speculation as to what portion of his A list stable of guests will return, Imus is quoted as calling out Hillary big time.  Entertainment returns to AM drive---such a deal!

...Injuns win!  When Mother Nature intervened for the Tribe with the Night of the Living Mit)hes event against the Yankees, Suttle World became persuaded that it was a team of destiny.  As to what happens should a team of destiny meet an on coming freight train in the form of the Colorado Rockies is unknown, but should be damn fun to watch.  Judicial notice is served that in no way is Suttle World declaring the Sox and their truly frightening lineup dead.

...Seventeenth verse, same as the first..."Turnovers and a game time decision to start a midget at free safety hurt the Falcons, as they lost a nationally televised Monday Night Football contest..."  In the few good years, and the mostly terrible, the Falcons have a storied tradition of big league suck when appearing on MNF.  This year was just that much worse than the local gentle surfer has come to expect.

...The current DUFFLE standings are crudely pasted below, as Suttle World has yet to do any work whatsoever on a public page that can be enjoyed by all gentle surfers.  Props to the Prancing Nougats

who scored 105 points over the weekend, taking the Viagra big throbbin High Score of the Week award in a win that featured an intra domicile duel.  Yes, that is Suttle World sitting atop the pile with its perfect 6-0 record, and finally making some headway in the all important, tiebreaking, points scored department in which cuzin Bill has nearly lapped the field.

October 15, 2007

...Twas nephew Ridge who was the beneficiary of the 35 big Cat points (by DUFFLE rule) earned yesterday afternoon by Tom Brady.  In doing so, Ridge overcomes the oversight of not altering his roster to reflect two bye week players, and wins his fourth straight.  Suttle World confesses to having fallen into a stupor of nearly 10 minutes when it thought Dallas actually had a shot after kickoff.  The Pats are sick---on a that much better than thou plane than Suttle World can recall since maybe forever.  The Redskins earned a well deserved loss in Green Bay---having every opportunity to pick up a road win, but refusing to catch the ball to affect same.  For the gentle surfer distal to Suttle World Headquarters:  no, there is no buzz of anticipation with regard to the Falcons pending appearance on MNF tonight against the Giants.  And,  yes, Suttle World's DUFFLE entry is now 6-0.

..."MONTERREY, Mexico (Reuters) - A Mexican priest briefly ended up behind bars after punching a policemen who caught him driving drunkenly through the streets of the northern city of Monterrey."  Suttle World has believes this to be perilously close to the "dog bites man/man bites dog" journalistic standard of determining whether an event is newsworthy.

...Suttle World is shocked to report that the Rockies won a baseball game last night, and, in doing so, take a 3-0 lead on their way to the World Series.

..."[AP] WASHINGTON - Good news on the cancer front:   Death rates are dropping faster than ever, thanks to new progress against colorectal cancer.  A turning point came in 2002, scientists conclude Monday in the annual "Report to the Nation" on cancer. Between 2002 and 2004, death rates dropped by an average of 2.1 percent a year.  That may not sound like much, but between 1993 and 2001, deaths rates dropped on average 1.1 percent a year."  The gentle surfer who is disturbed by these numbers certainly  can  do its part in reversing the alarming trend by voting Democrat.  Universal/Fascist Health Care will halt this progression---literally, dead in its tracks.  One more time.  In the UK, a third of colorectal cancer patients die while waiting for surgery.  One in four cancer patients never see an oncologist.

...The, now traditional, mid October, four day holiday for DeKalb County Schools mercifully comes to a end as of tomorrow morning.

October 14, 2007

...A tad of trivia surrounding SOTD that Suttle World stumbled across while verifying a release date this morning.  Seems as though the Turtles had serious creative differences with their label.  The band wanted to expand their horizons and make their sound more "progressive," while the label insisted they keep cranking out bubble gum mega-hits like "Happy Together."  To remedy the difference, band member Howard Kaylan locked himself into a hotel room to write what he believed to be the lamest pop song in history, and turn it over to the label that would then insist the band change direction .  Didn't work out.  "Elenore" climbed to #6 on the charts in '68.  Etcetera, etcetera...

...The big night that is Homecoming has come and gone.  Having retired early, Suttle World is unsure as to how the event went for nephew Ridge and companion Leslie, but is certain that they departed stately Roberts/Suttle Manor Saturday evening spiffed and readied for an evening on the toddling town that is Tucker.  Suttle World is also of the opinion that proper protocol for such events was followed despite being woefully ignorant of such things.  As an example, Suttle World was queried earlier last week if alums truly do return do their alma mater for Homecoming?  Suttle World did not have an immediate answer.  Suttle World has trouble imagining why anyone would do so absent the use of force or fraud, but the name, Homecoming, would seem to imply that folks do.  If the hunch is correct, Suttle World will continue to refrain from such endeavors, opting instead to join a local society of flagellates.  For the record, Tucker was victorious in its Homecoming contest versus Mays on Friday night, but did surrender its first points of the year in a 13-7 win to remain undefeated at 5-0, with a now cumulative score of 204-7.

...Down goes LSU!   Down goes LSU!  As shocking as the loss to Kentucky was, the game serves as further evidence as to why the gentle surfer requires no stinkin' playoff.   Suttle World rhetorically asks, how head-to-head competition between teams could possibly be a more valid means of determining  who's better than whom than polling sports writers and coaches (who see fewer football games in any given season than the average Tibetan monk).  For the late rising gentle surfer, #2 Cal was also upset by Oregon State last night.

...The Tribe comes off the deck with a 7 spot in the eleventh inning!!!??? to earn a split in Boston and even the 10 man, slow pitch, softball league championship series at one game a piece.  Real baseball returns  in the form of game 3 of the NLCS tonight in Colorado with the Rockies holding a 2 game to none edge over Arizona.

..."To suggest that vaccines are needed to attend NASCAR races is insulting to millions of hardworking Americans who love their country and the smell of burnt rubber," said one local politico with regard to the latest brew-ha-ha, and Suttle World is in full agreement, especially since it is unaware of any vaccine that will prevent to spread of the psychological disorder that causes patients to find joy in observing automobiles move in circles for 3 hours.

...The Joey Harrington era's continuation will have wait until a big Monday night marquee matchup against the Giants. The contest features two of the NFL's less than glittering franchises, but at least it involves a New York team that will allow ESPN to pull a decent number of around 8 or so---that's total viewers, not share.  The big game in Suttle World involves its beloved Redskins traveling to Green Bay to determine which of these ball clubs is for real, and Suttle World's DUFFLE entry attempts to reach 6-0 on the year in its matchup that begins with the 1:00 games.

October 13, 2007

...Today marks the one year anniversary of the now world famous Paraskevidekatriaphobia Hajj 2006 to close CBGB along with many of our dear friends from both around the country and those domiciled in NYC, including our buddies The Dictators.  Suttle World would have given big odds that the Bronx bombers would have played another gig or two in the intervening orbit around the sun, but everyone still seems to be on good terms, and given Suttle World probably didn't have the wherewithal to make yet another round trip to the Big Apple, it shall wait patiently until once again called to action as the leader of the fearless Hillbilly Dictators Jihad.  Speaking of which, HDJ headquarters has yet to hear or learn anything to date regarding 2007 inductees into the White Castle Hall of Fame.  Updates as they happen.

...Props to new buddy Marcella, who is summarily guilty of a random act of kindness that was/is much to the benefit of Suttle Word.  Muchly appreciated.

...Given the Rockies have now won 19 out of their last 20, Suttle World says go ahead and it make another six straight, and take the NL pennant and World Series title with you.  The only impediment would appear to be a Red Sox club that seemingly puts up a 4 spot every inning.  No marquee matchups scheduled today in college football, but given the whacky nature of the season to date, there's bound to be a thriller here or there.  The complete ATL TV weekend lineup is here.

...Belated for record, and brought to mind by watching a '94 performance last night by Johnny Cash on PBS .  Suttle World never really got it with regard to Bob Dylan, but defers to the mega-icon status that his name conjures.  The point is that in a recent interview, Dylan's story about having "made it" was his chance to meet and talk with Cash when both performed at Montreaux in '64.  Is the gentle surfer beginning to get it?  The legacy of June and Johnny, combined with their own monster careers and pedigree are the stuff of which true giants are made.  Columbus Day came and went this week without notice.  Suttle World doesn't intend any disrespect to its Eyetalian brothers and sisters, nor wish to take away a holiday from government banking and/or union employees, but could the name be changed to Carter-Cash Day?

October 12, 2007

...Joining Yasser Arafat in the winner's circle is this year's recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize:  one Alfred Gore.  The easy way out would be for Suttle World to simply point out the res ipsa loquitor as it relates to the nature of the award itself, but the question as to what pontificating about junk science has to do with "preservation of peace" (the criteria used to determine nominees and eventual winners) remains a mystery.   Alas, Gore and the Nobel committee deserves each other.  They're a match made in heaven---sorta like Hillary and Rosie O'Donnell.  Even with a beat down dollar, the prize still comes with a nice $1.5 million parting gift, so Suttle World is on the job---officially tossing its hat in the ring for the '08 Prize.  Here's the deal:  there is an overwhelming scientific consensus that eventually our sun will burn out.  This event will be most unfortunate for humans and spotted owls.  Suttle World will put together a PowerPoint presentation that shows how if everyone wears clothing made of aluminum foil, more energy will be reflected back to the sun, thereby extended its life and those of the children a billion or so years hence, eagerly awaiting the chance to cash in their baby bonds.  Using this year's standards, Suttle World is a shoe-in for next year's award.  Sure is going to help pay down the credit cards.  It does trouble Suttle World that the Peace Prize detracts from those who make tremendous contributions to mankind in the relative obscurity of laboratories, and only receive recognition when awarded such honors.  Suttle World would suggest the Nobel Committee consider spinning off the Peace Prize from the other awards and properly rename it:  Collectivist/Leftist of the Year.

...Suttle World publication is late to the punch this morning courtesy of increasingly unreliable friends at Comcast.  Service has been spotty of late.  Memo to Comcast:  you're steamin' me, Alice.

...The Colorado Rockies will probably not be the recipient of next year's Nobel Peace Prize, as they have obliterated everything in their path since mid-September.  The Rockies were the long shot at 18:1 to win it all when the playoffs began, but evidently nobody bothered to inform the clubhouse.  Logic would seem to dictate that the Rockies will lose eventually, but it may not be til mid April.  The ALCS cranks up tonight in Fenway.  The entire ATL weekend TV sports scheduled is here for the clicking.

...The belated Friday update is cheerfully brought to a close with yet another stellar installment from cuzin Matt and a >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

October 11, 2007

...Per usual:  Suttle World is late to the party with regard to an item from the mail bag last week from the fearless leader Edward Tanner of the much heralded ATL based Cruis-O-Matic who sent this plea via email:

...For quite some time now Suttle World has acknowledged that it understood it was its duty to hate Vice President Chaney, but wasn't sure why.  The state of Limbo is being made a bit clearer in that while Suttle World still doesn't understand the whys, it is becoming more confident in its duty to dislike Dick.  Confirmation comes courtesy of the wire:  "WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Former U.S. President Jimmy Carter on Wednesday denounced Vice President Dick Cheney as a "disaster" for the country..."  The gentle surfer can say many things about the former president (onset of senile dementia comes to mind), but certainly no one can question that President Carter is one of the world's foremost authorities on disasters---having earned that distinction while presiding over double digit inflation and mortgage rates topping 20%.  Did Suttle World mention stagflation, gas lines, American hostages and the emasculation of the US intelligence infrastructure?  There's plenty more on Jimmy's resume, but to highlight same would draw a 15 yard flag for piling on.  Suffice to say Carter knows from disaster.  Making the situation that much more cool and relevant, Americans pining with nostalgia for the good old days of the 70's will get their chance to revisit the era economically by voting Hillary/Democrat in the coming year.

...Speaking of her shrillness, the Hillary "baby bond" deal tends to fall into the "too easy/shooting fish in a barrel" department, but Suttle World cannot resist.  A $5000 bond for every kid upon birth---great idea, but is it enough?  Suttle World deduces that if $5000 is good, then $10,000 would be twice as good, and $1 million to be 200 times better.  Consequently, Suttle World is now officially on the record as endorsing the $1 million baby bond project.  From this date forward, each kid born in this country will automatically become indepently wealth upon the snipping of the umbilical cord.  What a deal!

...The NLCS gets underway tonight in Arizona as the Rockies (Jeff Francis 17-9) face off against the Diamondbacks (Brandon Webb 18-10).  First pitch around 8:40 (EDT - TBS).  Given neither team was supposed to be in this series, Suttle World finds it difficult to determine the one that shouldn't advance to the World Series.

October 10, 2007

...No news has indeed been good news, but an update on the happenings in and around stately Roberts/Suttle would seem to be past due.  Of immediate import, she who must continue recovering is performing splendidly in the roll.  Confirmation of same came yesterday following a routine post-op exam.  Short driving stints are now permitted, work from home continues at an efficient pace, and a return to near full and complete activity levels is expected at the end of the next fortnight.  Meanwhile, yes it is only Wednesday in the universe of nephew Ridge, as the teengenerate, junior class member of Tucker High School anxiously awaits the Homecoming festivities and four day weekend that will commence an excruciatingly 55 hours or so from this writing.  35 years after the fact, and Suttle World is affected by some of the odd tribal traditions that carry forth from ancient academia.  Also, given the ancient athletic tradition of scheduling a local Sisters of Mercy squad for homecoming, Suttle World is truly sympathetic for whomever will be fodder for the 5-0, 191-0 (cumulative score), Tucker Tigers come Friday night.

...Both the DOW and S&P 500 are up right around 100% over the past 5 years.  If only the economy weren't in such bad shape---being ruined by illegal immigrants, global warming and Y2K, Suttle World speculates that the markets might show some vitality.  If only someone could tax the American people into that prosperous state....  Ya gotta dream big.

...Given the two day break in what is a most hectic time of year in the world of sports, Suttle World appreciates the opportunity to take the floor.  First, Suttle World would like to thank the National Football League for this opportunity to speak on behalf of Commissioner Goodell and the league.  We believe that direct communication with the public from time to time just makes good sense on a number of levels.  My friends, the NFL, as you are no doubt well aware, is an incredibly successful business endeavor.  We are truly grateful to our fans and sponsors for making this possible, and we are proud to have responded in providing what we believe to be a high quality product in the form of the most exciting, competitive and popular professional sports league in our great nation.  In addition to providing the thrill of football, the NFL is also proud to have a long history of involvement in helping to improve the communities where our teams play.  That being said, the NFL is not without its problems, and I am here today to address some of those issues, and the manner in which the NFL plans to address them.  First, while it unfortunately grabs all the headlines, the off the field actions of a very small minority of players in our league has ranged from socially unacceptable to outrageously criminal.  While we want to emphasize that the overwhelming majority of our players are upstanding members of their communities, Commissioner Goodell has undertaken a no-nonsense policy in dealing with those players whose behavior is unacceptable, and the Commissioner promises to continue his diligence in this area.  Second, a fair amount of attention has been drawn to the hundreds of former NFL players who both did not enjoy the lucrative pay scale of today's players, but were also severely disabled in the course of playing in a still burgeoning league.  The truth of the matter is that the NFL has been negligent in its treatment of these former players, and we have decided to be governed by a spirit of good will instead of the strict advice of lawyers.  To that end, I am pleased to announce that an agreement has been reached between the league and the NFL Player's Association that will commit 0.25% of the net revenue realized by both parties to a players' relief fund.  This fund will be administered by a board of orthodox Mormons and Amish, and ensure that those who literally gave their bodies so that we may enjoy the prosperity of today, may live in dignity and comfort with full access to any and all medical care that is appropriate.  These are not the only issues with which the NFL is dealing off the field.  Others will be addressed in future direct communications with the public such as this.  Again, we appreciate your patronage, and hope you enjoy the games this weekend.  Thank you for your attention, and please don't forget to check the area around you for any personal belongings.

...Now that's a SOTD!  The great meets eclectic.

October 9, 2007

...The end is indeed near, as Suttle World is compelled this morning to sing the praises of South America's team:  the Dallas Cowboys.  Suttle World's perfect DUFFLE record was in great peril at this time yesterday, trailing 19 points going into the Monday night game. Nine points from Patrick Crayton along with  ELEVEN BIG CAT POINTS from TIGHT END Jason Witten later, and The Dictators escape with a 55-54 win to move to 5-0 on the season!  Sure, its been uglier than Bertha Butt ("one of the Butt sisters")---still, Suttle World is 5-0, and the gentle surfer is not.  Props to now 4-1 neighbor Eric, whose Great Falconis notch another win with a big throbbin' 66 points to make him the latest winner of the Viagra High Score of the Week.

..."NEW YORK (AP) - Former Mexican President Vicente Fox said Monday that the United States is letting racism dictate its policies, especially when it comes to immigration.  "The xenophobics, the racists, those who feel they are a superior race ... they are deciding the future of this nation," he said, without naming names, in an interview with The Associated Press."  Memo to Vicente:  first, buy a mirror, then eat shit and die you dumb bastard you!  The only reason there is an immigration issue with Mexico is because of the incredibly corrupt and overtly racist government that has been running Mexico long before Pancho Villa bit the big one.  Your nation has an abundance of natural and human resources that could make it a true global economic superpower, and yet most of your citizens want out.  Suttle World is of the opinion fewer would want out if our nation neighboring to the south would get its own shit together.

...Suttle World - Monday, October 8:  "The Injuns put away the Insufferables this evening."  Cleveland 6 New York 4.  The Indians win the series 3 games to 1, and advance to the ALCS against a very formidable Red Sox ball club.  The senior circuit gets their League Championship started Thursday in Arizona.  Cleveland travels to Fenway to begin their best of seven series Friday.

...The first fissure in the Hillary juggernaut appeared yesterday when then campaign took on Sandy Berger.  Suttle World remains convinced that the Howard Dean meltdown is a likely and welcome Christmas present---even if it should arrive a few weeks after the big day.

October 8, 2007

...What's the frequency, Kenneth?  On September 22 (see below), Suttle World humbly offered the hand of human kindness in gently advising that Comrade Rather's disorders were manageable.  Dan, its either a lot worse than feared, or your not taking your new medication as evidenced by this morning's Drudge Report.  Time to shift into the tough love mode.  Official Suttle World Memo to Dan Rather:  you and your buddies at the New York Times board uncle Wally's boat immediately and sail off the face of the earth!  Please---for the children.

...Baseball:  at least the Yankees refused to go quietly, as the three other MLB Divisional Playoff Series ended in sweeps.  Game four of the best of five series is tonight (7:40 - TBS).  The Injuns put away the Insufferables this evening.  In other baseball happenings, Suttle World speculates that the six folks in Vegas holding Arizona and Colorado in the NLCS tickets bought back in March are in a celebratory mood. 250:1?

...Football:  sure, with all due respect to the Dolphins, the Lions defense sucks like none other, but what's not to like about the big Redskins win yesterday?---leading Suttle World to believe the Dallas games may actually be realistically meaningful for the first season in recent memory.  The record will show that Suttle World was dead wrong in what it believed to be a lock of a pick being found Saturday night by taking LSU -7.  Were Suttle World a Titans fan, it would be worried---real worried.  If a team has trouble covering against the hideous effort put forward by the Falcons yesterday...  Finally, though not over, Suttle World's DUFFLE entry is in serious jeopardy of losing its undefeated status.  Still to get the Suttle World DUFFLE page up and running for the 2007 campaign.

...This just in...(FT.com Financial Times)" The first of this year’s Nobel prizes – medicine – has gone to one British and two American scientists, for discovering how to produce embryonic stem cells in mice and then using the technique to inactivate individual genes in the animals. Sir Martin Evans of Cardiff University, Mario Capecchi of the University of Utah and Oliver Smithies of the University of North Carolina jointly developed the immensely powerful technology known as “gene targeting”. “It is now being applied to virtually all areas of biomedicine, from basic research to the development of new therapies,” the Nobel Foundation said."  Beat Miami and win a Nobel prize---not a bad weekend for Chapel Hill.

October 7, 2007

...Tee times in Philadelphia and Chicago will be harder to come by this morning (OK, well maybe not, given Suttle World seriously doubts any of the ball club's members will remain in either city longer than it takes to clean out a locker), as the Cubs and Phillies are each swept to elimination from the 2007 MLB season yesterday.  The Angels and Yankees get today's opportunity to "say goodnight, Gracie" at the hands of Boston and Cleveland, respectively.  Aside from Arizona and Colorado advancing, Suttle World found the repeat of the Bartman ball to be remarkably eerie.  TV certainly took note, with TBS replaying the infamous foul ball of yesteryear, but Suttle World is certain the ball could not have landed more than 10 feet from where Bartman made his heroic play from the not so cheap seats at Wrigley.

...As is the case with most of the known universe, Suttle World finds the 2007 Southeastern Conference season to be most confusing.  Previously this year, Suttle World has speculated that the league was too strong for its own good, and now other pundits are weighing in on it being overrated (which is typically the case).  Regardless, Pete Rozelle would be proud.  There is certainly parity.  Florida gets off the matt, to almost beat #1 LSU at night in Baton Rouge.  Meanwhile, Georgia, a team that rolled into Tuscaloosa and beat Alabama, suited up with pink panties beneath their silver britches before kick off against unranked Tennessee.  Kentucky was undefeated and ranked in the TOP TEN before their Thursday's loss to a solidly ranked South Carolina---a true sign of the apocalypse. It is now highly likely that one of the teams in the SEC Championship game will have two losses.

...The other big college football story of the day is, of course, Carolina's huge win over Miami yesterday afternoon in Chapel Hill---the biggest win for the dismal program in maybe the last 6-7 years.  Oh yeah, Stanford beat #2 USC late last night as well.  Meanwhile, George Washington remains undefeated.   And did any gentle surfer get the tag number of the bus that obliterated Tech's season?

...A belated AMF to Jim Michaels who left this mortal coil last Wednesday at the age of 86.  From being the first western reporter to cover the assassination of Gandhi to 37 years at the helm of Forbes Magazine, Michaels was the epitome of the diligence Suttle World believes to be incumbent on members of the fifth estate. Being a self proclaimed Libertarian didn't hurt either.  Obit.

...Memo to God:  perhaps its the new expanded Daylight Saving Time that has you off your game, but just any FYI---its October!  Remember October?---with the pumpkins, Halloween gear and cooler temps?

October 6, 2007

...Suttle World must confess to taking some demented delight (demented to the point of being at its own entertainment expense) in the prospect of Time-Warner having put up the big bucks to carry each of the MLB divisional playoff series, only to have all four end in 3 game sweeps.  This, of course, is a distinct possibility courtesy of Manny Ramirez's walk off homer at Fenway around 12:45 this morning.  Four sweeps or not, the viewing public certainly got its money's worth in both contests yesterday.  Cleveland takes a 2-0 lead over the Yankees in the Night of the Swarming Mit)hes game (this just in:  the Suttle World staff advises the bugs in question last night in Cleveland are known as midges that Suttle World believed to be characters in really bad 60's beach movies).  Res ipsa loquitor with regard to the above mentioned homer in the Sox/Angels nightcap.  Finally, for those keeping score at home, the Yankees have lost 13 of their last 15 post season games.

...Bio-tech Appalachia travels across the pond.  From our friends at the London tabloid, the Daily Mail comes word of "a man of 72 [who] is to donate sperm to try to father his own 'grandchild'.  He has been cleared to provide the sperm to his daughter-in-law to allow her to become a mother.  Any baby born will be its grandfather's genetic child and a half-brother or half-sister to the man it takes to be its father."  

...Turns out that Marion Jones should have chosen the box in front of which Carol Merrill was standing---the one that featured staying with the Carolina basketball program and a chance to win a second national title.  That being said, Suttle World does find the Martha Stuart "crime" of "making false statements to federal agents" to be uncomfortably akin to "show me your papers." 

...Florida at LSU tonight is certainly Saturday's marquee NCAA contest, but Suttle World fears it will not be as entertaining as many might anticipate.  LSU should cover the 7 point spread with ease.  In fact, Suttle World sees LSU -7 to be perhaps one of the best wagering opportunities of the season.  A complete rundown of the ATL weekend sports schedule can be found here.  Meanwhile, the Frightened Irish get a chance to roll the tote board on the Suttle World home page to 0-6 with a loss to UCLA in Los Angeles tonight.

October 5, 2007

...Guinness has been notified (the book, not the beer people.  Come to think of it they may well be one in the same, as Suttle World speculates it would require a peck of pickling pints of pub purveyances to develop the notion of:  "hey dude, if you eat a '73 Buick we'll put your name in this book)!  Thursday, October 4, 2007 - Suttle World becomes the first in the history of western civilization to successfully throw away two trash cans on the first attempt!  Has the gentle surfer ever attempted to dispose of a trash can?  Its harder than would appear.  Leave it on the curb, and there it will stay.  Put a note on the can: "Please throw away!?"  Great idea, excepting that if sanitation dude could read the note, he probably wouldn't be riding on the back of a garbage truck.  Regardless, using high level garbage tactics, Suttle World masterfully packed the to be discarded cans into an even larger box that had been emptied earlier in the week, placed it on the curb, and waited.  Watching dutifully from an upstairs window, Suttle World observed a perplexed sanitation dude stare at the abandoned trash cans inside the box, but in the heroic tradition of the dedicated public works employee, he lifted the box (trash cans and all) and heaved same into the back of the standard issue garbage truck.  Champagne corks popped, confetti flew, women and children cried as the cheers of victory began to echo in and around stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.  Mission accomplished, and Suttle World didn't even need to land on an air craft carrier in a jump suit to "get her done."

...Suttle World failed to stumble upon baseball playoff games yesterday until leads in both had reached the double digit level for the Rockies and Indians, so little viewing was absorbed.  In the late game, the Diamondbacks take a 2-0 lead in their best of 5 series with the Cubs, who continue their 99 year rebuilding effort.  Two games on tap for today, with the Indians and Yankees up at 5:30 followed by the Sox and Angels at 8:30 (EDT - TBS).

...It is with deep regret that Suttle World reports the passing of hockey.  Doctors officially pronounced hockey dead in Detroit Wednesday at 7:35 where 10,000 seats in Joe Louis Arena were empty for the Red Wings opening night.  It was the first game not sold out in Detroit in over 10 years, and if folks aren't going to show up in Detroit on opening night to see one of the best clubs in the league...  So props to the NHL that has succeeded in killing off a great game---a distinction that baseball, despite its best efforts, has yet to accomplish.

...Props to Larry Craig (PERV - ID) who has courageously vowed to serve the remaining 15 months left in his Senate term, and for being accepted into the ever expanding Congressional Idiot Caucus.  Unfortunately, Suttle World does not have an email address with which the gentle surfer can contact Senator Craig to offer congratulations.  In lieu of direct contact, Suttle World suggests the gentle surfer simply leave a note scrawled on a men's room stall.  Leave a phone number, and Larry will get back with you ASAP.

..."HOUSTON (Reuters) - Charges have been dropped against a Texas woman who was accused of giving her husband a sherry enema that killed him, the prosecutor in the case said on Wednesday."  Does the gentle surfer really want more detail?  Suttle World didn't think so, and once again reminds the gentle surfer that if at all possible, the warm prune juice enema orgy is the way to go.

October 4, 2007

...Rockies, Red Sox and Diamondbacks are your winners from the first day of post season play in MLB.  The Yankees and Indians begin their series tonight in "prime time."

...Some mindless surfing by Suttle World regarding Georgia government schools eventually ended by perusing data about nearby Tucker High School.  Rudimentary information was provided that included student population (1,535), their demographics and the like.  Also related was the graduation rate for the school which is calculated to be 92.4%.  None of this was particularly striking until Suttle World read the fine print that indicated the source for the stats was the Georgia Department of Education and that the numbers had a margin of error of plus or minus 5%!????  Determining the percentage of Latino students or the school's graduation rate is a mathematical calculation based basically on counting heads.  Its not a two tailed test of statistical probability or some such that would include a margin of error based on several variables!  There's no margin of error involved in counting kids who are ostensibly being "educated" by the geniuses who published this data.

...Speaking of "the children..."  No more small children or pets are expected to disappear in the various sink holes that were patched yesterday on Duesenberg Drive---the tree lined lane atop which stately Roberts/Suttle Manor sits.  Approximately 26 DeKalb County public works employees descended upon the project, and at least 10 actually lifted a shovel or operated machinery to complete the make shift repairs that should hold up at least until Halloween.

October 3, 2007

..."WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Neanderthals, the stocky kin of modern humans, were far more widespread geographically than previously thought, with some trekking into southern Siberia before vanishing about 30,000 years ago, scientists said on Monday."  Other evidence found at the archeological excavation has led researchers to conclude that upon reaching the frozen tundra  Oggette, spouse of Neanderthal tribe leader Ogg, beat the Michael Moore resembling creature with a large stick screaming:  "I told you to stop and ask directions at that Yak station in Mongolia."

...The sports steroid scandals continue.  Bull riding may start drug testing some of its athletes – not the riders, the bulls.  As if the four-legged beasts that weigh up to 2,200 pounds don't have enough testosterone, some bull owners allegedly are injecting the animals with anabolic steroids.

...Speaking of anabolic steroids, three of the four best of five game MLB Divisional Playoff series  begin today.  First up, the Phillies host the Rockies beginning at 3:00 (EDT - TBS), followed by the Angels at Boston at 6:30, and finishing with the much too late 10:00 start for the Cubs visiting Arizona.  The Indians and Yankees have the stage to themselves Thursday in game one of their series.  New York is the favorite to win it all at 12:5, Colorado the long shot at 18:1.

October 2, 2007

...Given there are no take backs in Suttle World, the previous retraction of the DOW reaching 15,000 before year's end is hereby stricken from the record.

...Only a brief mention of the Mets and their desperate search for a Heimlich Maneuver Clinic in Queens yesterday.  Unmentioned were ball clubs that showed some serious nads coming down the stretch.  Props to the Phillies.  Yes, the Mets helped a lot, but Philly had to keep winning games in the last week, and did so without any pitching.  Props to the Brewers.  Despite blowing a big lead in the Central Division (largely a function of playing way over their heads the first half of the season), Milwaukee battled the Padres the final weekend---a battle that would end in the San Diego squad making tee times this morning.  All this despite the disconcerting notion of Tony Gwynn, Jr. having a big say so in the matter.  Finally, props to the Rockies.  The perfect storm came and went over the weekend, and Colorado finds themselves in post season play against Philadelphia come tomorrow.  More on the junior circuit as playoff action heats up Wednesday.

...From the nobody every went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public department come numbers indicating that right at $300 million has been contributed to Republican and Democratic presidential candidates---and that's just through June!  The gentle surfer with a great concern in "campaign finance reform" is reminded that the solution is in reducing the size and scope of government.  If there weren't over 33,000 words of federal regulation regarding cabbage on the books, then the cabbage lobby wouldn't be roaming the halls of the Capitol nor handing out campaign contributions. 

..."(AP) BOSSIER CITY, LA Bertoletti, a mohawk-sporting chef from Chicago, gulped down 21 pounds of buttery, goopy grits in 10 minutes to win $4,000 in the first World Grits Eating Championship at Louisiana Downs on Saturday.  The grits were presented in 2-pound trays, each about 8 inches by 6 inches and 1 1/2 inches deep, said Ryan Nerz, a spokesman for Major League Eating."  Major League Eating??!!  These folks aint right.

...The average number of playing years before a golfer scores a hole-in-one is 24.  Suttle World has only witnessed a single ace in its many years of play, and may well not see another for the remainder of its lifetime.  Consequently, when Ipswich, ENG resident David Huggins recorded his third career hole in one Sunday on the 105 yard, par 3, 7th hole on his home course---this time in competition, there was cause for celebration.  David certainly falls into the average golfer category handicap wise---sporting a hefty 28, not too bad for an EIGHT YEAR OLD!  Its a bi-annual event for Huggins, who recorded his first ace at the age of four (youngest ever; another 105 yard hole), and his second when he turned six.  A 9 iron for those keeping score at home.

October 1, 2007

...Props to the New York Mets, now proud keepers of the biggest collapse/choke in the 138 year history of Major League Baseball.  And so San Diego travels to Denver for a one game playoff tonight to decide the wild card position in the National League (7:30 - TBS).

...Further props to the Atlanta Falcons who got the first of their four wins of the 2007 season yesterday over the Houston Texans.  Meanwhile, in DUFFLE action, there remains a single undefeated team at the top of the pack---Suttle World's entry, The Dictators.

...Sharon Osbourne:  "We believe 100 per cent in euthanasia, so have drawn up plans to go to the assisted suicide flat in Switzerland if we ever have an illness that affects our brains. If Ozzy or I ever got Alzheimer's, that's it - we'd be off."  Memo to Ozzy:  if the Ricola crew shows up inviting you to a yodeling festival:  beware.

...Late to publish, its time once again for another installment of >>>>>>>>>>>

SUTTLEWORLD 
               
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