Archives---May 2009
May 31, 2009 Another day at a different office
...Relaxing Every Day Is Saturdays at 2248 feet above sea level at the western NC Suttle World HQ can be a most pleasant experience. Suttle World has heard the tales, and one day hopes to enjoy such a luxury. A rare pre-dawn visit to the nearby Waffle House (hey, Suttle World hadn't consumed any nutritionally dense calories in over 24 hours) provided sufficient fuel to hack away at four weeks of fescue growth in near rain forest conditions with a 19" push mower, purchase and haul and 10x'10' kennel, vacuum all low horizontal surfaces and meet visiting friends for a casual repast in beautiful downtown Hendersonville, May is finally over, and Suttle World is tired, Imus.
...Speaking of which---Suttle World extends a shout out to neighbor Vicki and camping buddy Doug for their fellowship yesterday evening at the aforementioned eatery. Both are pleasant, but both afflicted with the disorder that causes one to wish to sleep on the dirt as opposed to inner spring mattress technology. Camp em if you got em, but it is a human endeavor which Suttle World will never come to understand. "To get away from it all" is the universal excuse used by these seemingly slightly genetically defective individuals. Suttle World has no desire whatsoever to get away from it ALL. Suttle World does not wish to get away from the choice of a conditioned environment, flush toilets, hot water on demand, electricity and sharing its pic-a-nic baskets with Yogi. Perhaps it will come to pass that Suttle World will tire of such trappings, but no time in the immediate future.
...NYC authorities have counted at least six dead from self inflicted gun shot wounds at the National Basketball Association offices last night, following the Orlando Magic elimination of LeBron James and the Cavaliers. This year's championship series begins Thursday in Los Angeles. On the ice, Detroit got the right bounces early, and cruised to an easy game one victory over Pittsburgh in the Stanley Cup finals.
...Props and AMF to the Georgia State Panthers on their first ever NCAA post season baseball appearance in school history that ended yesterday in Atlanta with a second loss (double elimination) at the hands of crossword creators' favorite college: Elon. Tech administered the Panther's first beating Friday, but lost yesterday to Southern Miss, and now must win three straight to advance to the super regional round.
...The Sunday edition closes early, but not without a glimmer of hope that Suttle World has found to perhaps save the Republic. On two occasions in as many months, the world has stopped spinning on its axis when President Obama went out for a hamburger. Suttle World will gladly make the shelp to the nation's capital, or the president is always welcome at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor (or the Manor's own Camp David in the form of the western NC HQ). Come Mr. President, have an Ollie Burger. The president is a reasonable man, and would, no doubt, immediately place Suttle World in a position of high counsel if only so Obama could eat the world's greatest burger in the comfort of the west wing of the White House, and save gas for all those TV satellite trucks. Suttle World: the burger Rasputin of the modern age. The gentle surfer with a better idea is encouraged to contact Suttle World. Holding an Ollie over the president's head would seem to be tremendous leverage that can be created---none of which exists now in the grasp of the not so loyal opposition.
May 30, 2009 Just another Every Day Is Saturday
...Pleasant Every Day Is Saturday morning greetings from the Suttle World western North Carolina HQ---a destination of late Friday arrival by the elder residents of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor. The delay in the various departures was due to a sudden and unwelcome visit from Sir Isaac late yesterday afternoon when a mounted decorative shelf, adorned with finery, attempted to end it all, and plunged from a height of over ten feet from the wall in which it had been "secured". No, 4,273 pebble like marbles and half a cubic yard of broken glass from the containers that once held said marbles splayed about the living room floor as one is ready to hit the road is no trouble whatsoever. The good news is the flat screen sent crashing face first to the floor in the shelf leap is still in proper working order. Such are the vagaries of being members of the sedan set. Its a good reminder for all. The gentle surfer is encouraged to spend more quality time with its shelving---if for no other reason than just to look for red flags (depression, anxiety and the like).
...Props tot he Lakers who looked like the team of destiny that they have been dubbed this year. Kobe and the boys cruise to a win over the Nuggets in Denver last night to advance to the NBA finals. Game six for Cleveland and Orlando is tonight, as is the first game of the Stanley Cup Finals----in prime time on NBC at 9:00 (EDT).
...In local happenings, the Hendersonville Trolley is set to for its inaugural run down Main Street Thursday. The reconditioned bus service will cruise the main drag for a mere two bits. Sufficient funds have yet to be secured to subsidize the public transportation that will traverse an already traffic impaired, bustling downtown area. Basically, the trolley has to pay for itself in a couple of months while on loan, or the project will go the way of...well, let's just say that Suttle World may have a burger joint to consider.
...This morning a huge community yard sale will be held from 10-2 at Main and Caswell to benefit the Henderson County Democrat Party. Donors and buyers are reminded that GM shares will have a value of $.75 for the day's event. The festivities will also include a Dick Chaney dunking booth, and large sand island in which local party devotees can stick their heads.
...It was not planned, but Suttle World found itself watching its first full "episode" of the Tonight Show last night since Jay Leno took over the desk, and, of course, it also just happened to be his last night in the role. Final shows are typically awful, and this one had its moments, but Leno showed himself to be a class act, and James Taylor still sounds pretty damn good to be Medicare eligible. 50 years, and only three hosts. Conan O'Brien must feel incredible pressure as he prepares carry the Tonight Show torch. Perhaps Suttle World will catch him before he calls it quits in 15 years or so.
May 29, 2009 Fast Friday
...Its a bit brighter in Suttle World this morning following the President's statement yesterday that it was "now or never" on health care "reform"---indicating the legislation yet to be written had to pass in 2009. Having offered little more than a few funding ideas such as slapping a 50 cent tax on a can of Coke, Suttle World doesn't see a complete overhaul of a seventh of the US economy taking shape before New Year's Eve. President Obama is a man of his word, so it looks like the "nevers" have it.
...LeBron drops 37 on his way to a triple double as the Cavaliers kept their season alive with a win over Orlando last night. The Magic lead the eastern conference finals 3-2 as the series heads back to Florida for game 6 Saturday. Meanwhile in the west, the Lakers can advance to the finals with a win tonight over the Nuggets in Denver.
...Late start for Suttle World this morning,
punctuated by a growing "to-do" list that insists on early
completion. The Everyday Is Saturday update sh
ould
resolve any loose ends.
...In the interim, coming to the rescue once again, comes cuzin Matt, and another stellar installment of Bruner's Texas Takes
May 28, 2009 Farts fatal for future
...Armed with the Young, Fast and Scientific, it
all looked good on paper. Increase taxes, buy up majority interests in
failing auto makers and banks, socialize health care and forgive everyone's
credit card debt. Sure the size of the federal government has doubled in
six months, but it should be the trick the re-fi the nation's economy for
another 25-30 years. That is until the old farts got in the way. For
the 12 month period ending in April, income tax revenue dropped 44% from a year
ago according to the IRS, and its not apt to improve anytime soon. 77
million
...Though tempting as it is, Suttle World will not beat Secretary of State Mrs. Clinton about the head and shoulders for basically parroting the same US stance on Korea that's been heard for over 50 years. The 30,000 US troops stationed next to the 38th parallel are nothing but cannon fodder for the North, should the rogue state decide to make a run across the border. Sure, they could be pushed back---right after funerals for 30,000+ US men and women in uniform. Either take out Kim Jong-Il or take the troops off the peninsula. They serve no purpose whatsoever. This was just as true in the waning years under Eisenhower as is the case in the early days of Obama
...Playing towards a goal re-set at 15 feet finally got the the Nuggets in the second half last night, and the Lakers prevail in game 5 to take a 3-2 lead. Tonight the Cavaliers try to keep their season afloat against the shoeless and blindfolded Orlando Magic who lead their eastern conference championship series 3-1.
...The Detroit Red Wings are listed as the early favorites (-$150) when the rematch of last year's Stanley Cup Finals against the Pittsburgh Penguins (+$125) gets underway Saturday night in prime time on NBC.
...Suttle World is more confused than usual. Yahoo News this morning ranks the "2nd most popular story of the day" to be "Mixed-race patients struggle to find marrow donors." Admittedly its a topic Suttle World had never pondered, and after perusing the piece, Suttle World still isn't sure why it should. According to the AP story, the Census Bureau says multiracial folk account for 1.6% of the total US population, and that "multiracial [bone marrow donor] volunteers make up just 3 percent of the 7 million people on the registry. JUST 3%??!!! That's almost double the portion of the population at large! Would anyone like to rethink the headline? The story proves its headline wrong, and its the second most popular on Yahoo today!!!????---one effecting the number of bone marrow donors required for less than 2% of the population---about a dozen or so!!!?????
May 27, 2009 "Check, one, two...check"
...Technical issues at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor were not resolved until late yesterday morning, resulting in a mere cursory update of Suttle World.
...Props to the Big Red of Cornell whose lacrosse team now joins John Van de Velde in Heimlich Hall of Fame. Suttle World doesn't know a lacrosse ball from the Geico eyeballs, but has enough sense to know that with 15 seconds left and a one goal lead, passing the ball to dude with a stick long enough to do tree pruning is probably not the best idea. Run away. Throw it away. Don't try to balance the ball on the end of a TV antenna. The other team could take possession and tie the game with four seconds left, and then go on to win the championship in overtime. Cornell lacrosse is an early favorite for Mit)h of the year honors.
...Meanwhile, in more uplifting Memorial Day
sports news from "outside Boston," where Montpelier High
School's Alec Waring and his fellow Capital Soccer Club U17 Boys won the
Championship of the prestigious Needham Memorial Day Tournament! Suttle
World would amplify on the most impressive accomplishment, but it doesn't
understand a single word of the press release/news story regarding the event
that has fallen into the hands of the Suttle World staff. The cultural
translation department is hard at work, and further discerned details may well
be available soon. In the interim, props to Alec and his submarine
shipmates. In other s
cores,
Nottingham 87 with two wickets.
...Is the gentle surfer's heart troubled by North Korea conducting an underground nuclear test, launching two short range missiles, and appearing to be preparing to lob a couple more today? Is the gentle surfer troubled by the US trade deficit? Efficient efficacy, or killing as many birds with the same stone, is the hallmark of Suttle World when pontificating on the world stage. The obvious solution to both of the aforementioned problems is to sell nukes to Japan. Check. Honey Huan's brother's move. This is in stark contrast with the Obama administration's approach to the rogue state that is...the Suttle World staff is feverishly researching to determine exactly what US foreign policy is regarding North Korea, and will provide details as soon as they are discovered.
...Props to the Pittsburgh Penguins, who, as Suttle World accurately predicted, had little gas left in the tank following their grueling seven game win over the Capitals. As a result, the Pens simply swept Carolina in the eastern conference Stanley Cup finals, and will have a few days to rest. Detroit could end the western conference finals tonight against Chicago, but a Blackhawks win, and game six won't be played until Saturday.
...Sphincters are tightening around NBA Headquarters in New York, as the league prepares to celebrate a potential Orlando/Denver final series. In the name of parity and TV ratings, the league announced this morning that the hoop for the Magic and Nuggets will be raised to 15 feet for the remainder of both conference final series against the Cavaliers and Lakers, respectively. Cleveland and Los Angeles will also be spotted 35 points a the beginning of each remaining game, and no Magic or Nugget player may wear shoes.
...Now exactly how many tens of BILLIONS of dollars of taxpayer money has been spent in the past 12 months to escort GM to the court house in order to file for Chapter 11? This is the same government that kept the world's most complex machine, the shuttle, in orbit an extra three days to avoid a four hour transport of an idle spacecraft from California to Florida. The same government that runs the glorious Medicare program that won't pay $60 for an orthopedic shoe, but will gladly shell out $6,000 for an amputation that the shoe could have prevented. The same government that has doubled in size in the first five months of the Obama administration, and shows no signs of slowing. Tis an interesting time in which Suttle World dwells, and Suttle World, on behalf of many gentle surfers, would like to thank the federal government for making things so much fun.
May 25, 2009 Memorial Day
...Just a few words on Memorial Day, as Suttle World once again borrows from Tom Brokaw's the Greatest Generation. In the tome, Brokaw recounts a story told to him by two veterans who had returned to Omaha Beach on the 50th anniversary of the Normandy invasion in 1995."...that hillside was loaded with mines, and a unit of sappers had gone first, to find where the mines where. A number of those guys were lying on the hillside, their legs shattered by the explosions. They'd shot themselves up with morphine and they were telling where it was now safe to step. They were about twenty-five yards apart, our guys, calmly telling us how to get up the hill. They were human markers." © Tom Brokaw, 1998.
May 24, 2009 Nephew Ridge graduates
...Resident teengenerate, nephew Ridge, has joined the ranks of those who can now chortle at any yellow school bus with the liberating certitude of not fearing for whom the bus rolls, for it does not roll for him. This is the result of having successfully completed graduation ceremonies with his fellow members of the Tucker High School Class of 2009 yesterday. Suttle World was always certain that the big day would come. Suttle World often had doubts as to whether it would be necessary for it to attend the ceremony. A brief get together at nearby Sangria's followed---an event from which the guest of honor had to excuse himself early in order to make it to WORK on time. Today will be a time of reflection. Ridge will admire his diploma, and then make good use of his lovely parting gifts---building a brick wall. Armed with a hat to hold the mortar, and a lovely matching maroon gown, Ridge can now do masonry work without getting any on him. Meanwhile, two were killed and four injured in Arizona yesterday, following the traditional shooting of the graduates.
...The mega church. Yesterday's festivities were held at such a facility in lovely Lithonia. It was a first for Suttle World, who is not accustomed to gift shops in the vestibule of a house of worship. The "sanctuary" seats 4,000 (a third more than the Fox Theater), and was filled with enough audio/visual gear that Suttle World expected Pat and Vanna to take the "pulpit" first to film a couple of episodes of Wheel of Fortune before the graduation began. The church was a graduation machine. At two hours a throw, Suttle World estimates the church hosted at least half a dozen graduations over the course of Saturday. Like the great Kinky Friedman, Suttle World is of the mind "may the God of your choice bless you," but after yesterday's encounter with such a facility, Suttle World is even more confused by what appears to be short attention span worship. Bless em if you got em.
...Would someone at NASA please explain to Suttle World where the cost curves cross? The shuttle has been in a holding pattern for three days because of weather conditions in Florida. Suttle World understands why that is the preferred landing spot---it costs a lot of money to strap that puppy on a bigger plane at Edwards AFB, and fly it to the Captain Nelson's home town. Suttle World wonders how much it costs to keep the shuttle in orbit for three extra days.
...Moroccan music star Abdelaziz Stati must feel awful. Eleven were killed and thousands of others injured during a stampede at his/its show in the capital of Rabat Saturday. Of course, this has happened before, but always as the crowd rushed in to the arena or towards the stage. In this case, the crowd was leaving. If eleven are killed in a rush of humanity to leave your show, you might want to re-work the set list. This gives a literal feel to one of the all time great lines by cuzin Salvi in Boston. "They [the band] were awful at a room clearing level." Perhaps the incident will give some solace to the loved ones of those lost in the Great White fiasco---it could have been worse.
...The baseball season is barely two months old, and four players have already hit for the cycle. The oddity had only been accomplished 283 times prior to this season in 140 years of MLB history. Sup with that?
...40,000 turned out at Gillette Stadium in Foxboro yesterday afternoon to see Cornell and Syracuse advance to the men's NCAA lacrosse championship Monday. Meanwhile in the women's bracket, UNC pulled a big upset over undefeated Maryland to advance to the finals against #1 Northwestern. The ladies' championship game is today at Johnny Unitas Stadium in Towson, Md. A duckpin bowling party will follow the title game.
...In other college sports action, both the ACC and SEC baseball champions will be crowned this afternoon. The finals make for a TV doubleheader on Sports South, beginning at 1:00 when Georgia Tech will face Florida State in Durham. The "nightcap" features LSU and Vanderbilt for the SEC title.
May 23, 2009 Graduation day
...In a few short hours nephew Ridge will gather will his fellow matriculating seniors of the Tucker High School Class of 2009, and prepare for their graduation ceremony---scheduled to begin at 1:00 sharp at a mega church in nearby Lilburn (18.5 miles!/4 hour shelp in ATL traffic)?! The location matters not to Suttle World that would gladly shlep to Peoria for the event. Reports as they happen. And yes, for the record, some of those born on the date when Suttle World graduated from the DeKalb County school system, now have thriving medical practices. By Suttle World's recollection, it was easier back then---in large part because there was no history yet to study.
..."Your Mama's face!" would have been the appropriate pronouncement from King James last night as LeBron calmly tosses in a three pointer with one second left on the clock to lift his Cavaliers to a 96-95 win over Orlando, and tie their eastern conference championship series at one game each. Suttle World saw it, and had to check various media organs this morning to confirm the events to be true. At 24, James is easily one of the best athletes Suttle World has ever seen, and Suttle World is hard pressed to name many others to surpass his overall prowess.
...On the ice, the Chicago Blackhawks breathed new life into their season with a 4-3 overtime win against the Red Wings last night. Detroit leads the western conference Stanley Cup championship series 2-1. In the east, Pittsburgh and Carolina face off tonight at 7:30 in Raleigh on the Lumberjack Channel. The Pens hold a two game to none lead.
...The gentle surfer's attention is respectfully directed towards the NBC Nightly News tonight. Suttle World knows the gentle surfers can take it. The reward will be a story of local heroism brought to the national stage. Tonight NBC will highlight the efforts of Honor Air---a project launched over the past several years in which money was raised to take surviving vets of Henderson County, NC to the WW II Memorial on the Mall in Washington. The local angle on the story is covered here, and the gentle surfer is implored to catch NBC tonight if at all possible.
...It would seem appropriate that inter-league play begin on the Memorial Day weekend---an idiotic move, that among others, has marked the death of Major League Baseball as Suttle World once knew it. That Rockies/Tigers rivalry is really a spectacle to behold. Can we add another eight designated hitters?
...Another Memorial Day tradition that is actually worth taking in is the NCAA men's lacrosse final four that will be played out today and Monday at Gillette Stadium outside Boston. The finalists this year feature Cornell and Virginia in the noon game, followed by Duke and Syracuse at 2:00. The championship game is set for Memorial Day at 1:00. All the action can be found in the ESPN family of stations.
...Oh yeah, they run that 500 mile go cart race in Indy tomorrow too.
May 22, 2009 Bush administration on defensive
...President Obama went on an offensive yesterday attacking his Republican opponent President Bush and his administration's policies on the handling of detainees. Oops, check that. "Upon further review," there is no election currently underway. Come to think of it, President Bush wasn't on the ballot during last November's elections. Suttle World reckons its a lot easier to beat former US administrations about the head and shoulders than to actually lead on the world stage. It is also becoming painfully clear to Suttle World that Obama is the brightest guy without a clue to have ever sat in the Oval Office.
...Its the start of an early Memorial Day weekend. The gentle surfer still looking for a last minute getaway should consider the Jersey shore. On Sunday in Atlantic City, Mayor Lorenzo Langford and Miss Atlantic City will symbolically "unlock" the ocean, though no one locks it back up again in October. Yes, the unofficial opening of the beaches of Atlantic City---the sun, the crashing waves, the smell of salinity, the sight of human hands and syringes washing ashore... Meanwhile in Tijuana... $2.25/gallon gas be damned. Just charge it. Under new regulations singed yesterday by president Obama, everyone's credit limit will be doubled, and no payments will be required until 2015. The United States of Rooms to Go.
...Props to the Denver Nuggets who posted their first post season win against the Lakers in 24 years with a hard fought victory last night in the Staples Center. The western conference finals is now tied at one game each as it heads back to Denver for game three Saturday night. Game two between the Magic and Cavs is tonight in Cleveland. Orlando leads 1-0. On the ice, Pittsburgh takes a commanding 2-0 lead over Carolina in their eastern conference Stanley Cup playoff series. In the west, play heads back to Chicago with the Red Wings leading the Blackhawks 2-0.
...Third party sources tell Suttle World that all went well during graduation practice yesterday for nephew Ridge and his fellow members of the Tucker High School Class of 2009. The commencement ceremony is to be held in a Lithonia mega church tomorrow afternoon. Suttle World suspects it will gain more first hand knowledge of the whole affair once the resident teengenerate becomes aware of the ever growing pile of booty awaiting him in the east wing of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.
...There it is again. At this writing a radio PSA is running---warning of scams targeted against the elderly. This is nothing new, of course, because it would seem as though the elderly are easier to scam for a variety of reasons. Suttle World would hasten to point out that the elderly vote more often than any other identifiable demographic group. Interesting, no? Not at all.
May 21, 2009 Nephew Ridge to receive diploma
...In 2003, stately Roberts/Suttle Manor resident teengenerate, nephew Ridge, began his run in the DeKalb County school system---entering the 7th grade at Henderson Middle School (the one that still has the Phenix Rising sticker on the flag pole). Three schools and six academic years later, and nephew Ridge Roberts has completed each and every requirement of the aforementioned school system, and, consequently, will march with the Tucker High School Class of 2009, and be awarded a diploma during graduation ceremonies Saturday afternoon to become a full fledged whatever the hell he now (or soon will be). Graduation practice is set for today, and the sheep skins (that don't afford the same protection as latex) will be handed out beginning at 1:00 Saturday. Good job, big guy.
...A quick check of the literature this morning reveals that little has changed since this time last year. Science has yet to fabricate an instrument delicate enough to measure Suttle World's interest in American Idol. Suttle World doesn't know or care who was on, who sang what cheesy cover tune, nor who won. Ted Mack is dead, and should take this spectacle with him. Sign up a plate spinner for the next season, and check back with Suttle World.
...Orlando wins an upset game one, and take the home court advantage away from the Cavs in their eastern conference NBA final series. Fear not Cleveland fans. Suttle World believes Jerry West is on the right track when stating earlier this week that LeBron may be the best ever. A handful of Hall of Famers have had the entire package, but none were agile and built like a brick shit house. Did Suttle World mention he's 24? James is a joy to watch, and the finals against the Lakers could be epic.
...Astronauts aboard the space station celebrated a space first on Wednesday by drinking water that had been recycled from their urine, sweat and water that condenses from exhaled air. Suttle World's attempts to reach the makers of Tang for comment were not immediately successful. "Welcome to the International Space Station! You must be tired from your long trip. How about a tall cold glass of urine?
...Sony Corp. said it will halve the number of parts suppliers to slash costs under a turnaround plan that's testing the mettle of Chief Executive Howard Stringer. Suttle World (May 14, 2009) "Suttle World would suggest a "giant, tent, clearance, we must be crazy!, sale [for Sony]. Move the inventory at 50 cents on the dollar, and the quarter's losses are reduced to $500 million." At least CEO Stringer is moving in the right direction.
...The gentle surfer is urged to hold off on any definite summer travel plans. Amtrak is cutting fares by 25 percent on some Eastern trains this summer as the national passenger railroad looks to boost demand during the recession. Oh happy day. Fares will now be competitive with airlines, with trips taking 10 times longer. Choo-choos are cool, romantic and all that, but rail transport for a country as large as the US is simply economically unfeasible. Almost every seat bought on an Amtrak route is subsidized by taxpayers.
May 20, 2009 Playoffs continue
...The western conferences were the focus of attention both on the hard court and ice last night. The Red Wings take a 2-0 advantage over the Blackhawks with a 3-2 overtime win last night in Detroit, while the Lakers, aided by 40 from Kobe, edged Denver 105-103 in game one of their NBA conference championship series. Tonight LeBron and the Cavaliers meet Orlando in the first game of the eastern conference title series.
...Sources familiar with negotiations have leaked that GM's plan for a bankruptcy filing involves a quick sale of the company's healthy assets to a new company initially owned by the U.S. government. And why not? If the feds are going to mandate what size cars to build, the fuel that can and cannot go in them and further manipulate the market with idiotic tax incentives, just run the whole industry directly instead of by proxy---the status quo. Its worked well for the financial sector.
...In the commonwealth of Massachusetts, nearly three-quarters of the educators who took the state elementary school teacher’s licensing exam this year failed the new math section. Res ipsa loquitor. This isn't calculus, trigonometry or statistics. This is elementary school math. Add, subtract, multiply, divide, fractions, etc... Suttle World highly suspects that Massachusetts and Georgia have at least one thing in common. In neither state would Einstein, Gandhi or Edison be qualified by law to teach government school. Yet another reason to support government education just like government ownership of the auto industry.
...Meanwhile, two academic days remain in the secondary educational career of nephew Ridge.
...A belated happy birthday to cuzin Bill (#50), Joey Ramone, Pete Townsend and Ho Chi Minh, who each commemorated their arrival in the world yesterday.
May 19, 2009 Tepid Tuesday
...For all the concern about sub-prime derivatives, bank nationalization and the coming debate on government run health care, the most salient data may be the findings of American academic progress as recently reported by the Gates Project. Only about one-third of U.S. students could read and do math at current grade levels on national tests in 2007. The high school drop out rate is dismal — 1 in 4 kids. Market economies look great on paper, unless gazer is illiterate. The gentle surfer can take comfort that these numbers will turn around post haste, as the Obama administration has fixed the problem with cash in the form of the biggest increase in federal education spending in history due to the economic stimulus law.
...The DOW is up over two bucks on the back of a good first quarter number posted by Lowe's, and finishes the final trading Monday of May above the 8500 level. Meanwhile, oil has crept above the $60/barrel mark. Both make the argument a slam dunk. Doubling the size of federal spending and borrowing can increase 2x4 sales.
...The Penguins take a hard fought game one in their Stanley Cup conference final series. Detroit leads Chicago 1-0 when their western conference final resumes play this evening. Denver and LA take to the hardcourt tonight in the NBA western conference finals. Orlando and Cleveland get the east finals started Wednesday.
...Glancing towards the northeast, Suttle World finds skipper Salvi leading his Cubbies to a 5-3-1 mark on the year, to leave the team firmly ensconced in second place of the Warrendale Little League Major League Division. Three games remain on the regular season schedule, followed by playoffs that begin on or around June 7.
...The NCAA 2009 men's lacrosse final four is set to begin play at Gillett Stadium Saturday when #3 Duke takes on #2 Syracuse while #5 Cornell takes on top seeded Virginia in the nightcap. The championship game has its traditional 1:00 Memorial Day start.
May 18, 2009 Mail it in Monday
...The return leg of the voyage to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor proved to be as safe and efficient (albeit soggy along the I-85 corridor) as the getaway weekend proved short. Regardless, the elder denizens of the Manor have returned to their upright and locked positions---prepared to begin another week that just happens to be...
...The final week of the 2008-9 academic year is underway for government school attending boys and girls in the ATL, and the Memorial Day weekend is quickly approaching.
...The Lakers prevail in game seven to advance to
the NBA western conference finals against the Nuggets, while Orlando knocks off
the defending champions in another game seven in Boston, and move on to play the
Cavaliers in the east. Meanwhile on the ice, the old skool, western
conference matchup finds the Red
Wings up 1-0 over the Blackhawks, while Pittsburgh and Carolina get their
eastern conference finals series underway tonight.
...Getting the week off on the right foot, comes the helpful hand of cuzin Matt, the product of which is yet another stellar installment of Bruner's Texas Takes
May 17, 2009
...Gone fishin'---figuratively. No, Suttle World is not embarking on an endeavor to skewer wriggling pieces of formerly God knows what "animals" for the purpose of luring, and catching aquatic creatures in which Suttle World has absolutely no interest.
May 16, 2009 Remote Saturday publication
...The gentle surfer is extended a joyful Every Day Is Saturday from the Suttle World western North Carolina Headquarters---as the elder denizens of the estate took flight from stately Roberts/Suttle Manor yesterday evening. About 50 man and woman hours were devoted to a punch list of over four dozen items Thursday and Friday. Now that Jack Kemp has left this mortal coil, there's a good football metaphor for the past 48 hours. The last minute push to complete the rehab of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor resembled a good early drive (53 yards in seven plays) by an offense about which one had questions, that ended in a 24 yard field goal. It was a heroic effort that simply fell short of full completion. And though, the Manor at first glance, resembles a disaster zone, all that remains is basic straightening and cleaning. The aforementioned elders exhibited excellent judgment by choking the bird at an appropriate time Friday afternoon, and embarking on the 175 mile, 1,700 foot up climb to the mountain to their current whereabouts.
...As an aside, while Suttle World rarely has any regrets regarding most any take about a "public person" (see: New York Times v. Sullivan), and its not about to stop now nor publish retractions. That said: Suttle World has only mined fun out of the passing of Jack Kemp, and that aint fair. Yes, Suttle World must confess it always had the feeling that the guy was something of a lightweight, but Kemp was admired in almost an Everett Dirksen manner. He was a happy warrior---a commodity in tremendously short supply He also trumpeted the Reagan tax cuts as much as any, and as such, deserves as much credit as any for nearly 25 years worth of unparalleled prosperity. That is until the financial industry ("deregulated" by the Clinton administration, changing long held FEC rules altered allowing banks to be investment houses, investment houses allowed to be insurers, insurers allowed to be banks, and plumbers allowed to manage hedge funds full of REIT derivatives) came to a crashing halt last summer. So, AMF again Jack. The constant football metaphors were tedious, but you were both a decent NFL quarterback, and by all accounts, a very decent man.
...While in the waxing politically poetically aisle...aside from mass anti-Vietnam protests, and other civil unrest the country endured during the late 60s and early 70s, Suttle World cannot think of a time when the nation has been more bifurcated; and, of course, timing being everything, it comes at exactly at the worst possible point.
...Belated take: bits and pieces of the Obama administration's own special brand of socialized medicine indicate that the government program that will swallow the Republic whole, is to be "funded" in-part by a federal tax on sugary/high fructose corn syrupy soft drinks. Let's see if Suttle World has this right. Suttle World will be taxed on the Kool-Aid before it is made to drink it?
...Sure, its wholly appropriate to conduct a full and complete examination of work conditions and the general safety of US air carriers, but res ipsa loquitor. At any given time there are 60,000 people in the air space over the good old USA. Pay is not an issue. Yes, the gentle surfer may be shocked to learn that many pilots working full time for regional carriers, qualify for food stamps, but that's a function of a tremendous oversupply of very qualified applicants for very few jobs (see radio or TV). Bottom line: BITD, that GQ looking dude with the four foot penis: Captain Jones, who, after 20 years with Delta was knocking down a quarter million to work 20 hours a month, would have done it for $20,000 too---much like ball players. Call Suttle World soon to be dead, but it simply has no issue with boarding any US flagged carrier, and have any concerns about safety. A full body cavity search while getting to the gate? Well that's a different kettle of fish.
...Come about 6:17 this evening this year's holder of the longest competed for piece of sports hardware in North America will have been established when the winner 134th Preakness Stakes crosses the line (the second time) at Pimlico Race Course in picturesque north Baltimore. The forecast is for thunder showers, and may provide track conditions similar to the less than ideal conditions seen at the Derby two weeks ago. The filly Rachael Alexandra is quite logically the morning line favorite. Her chart is impeccable---overcoming the axiom of boys always beating girls. Or does it? She's never run against the guys. She's blown away fields in respectable stakes races, has won an amazing seven of her last 10 starts (including one on a sloppy track), and has the best consistent Beyer speed figures. She's also carried today's weight of 121 lbs, but this very impressive record has been established by taking an early lead, and wiring the other fillies. At a morning line of 8:5, Suttle World wants little to do with Rachael Alexandra. Mine That Bird had a great ride in the Derby, but its hard to imagine lightning striking twice. Pioneer Of The Nile always seems to be in the money in Grade I stakes, and may afford the best wagering opportunity of the race. The morning line is 5:1. Look for updates before the scheduled 6:15 post.
May 15, 2009 Tell it sister speaker
...Suttle World implores Speaker Pelosi to keep on speaking. Tell it all sister. Tell it all. This "the CIA is out to get me" stuff regarding that Pelosi knew about interrogation techniques before she forgot that she wasn't briefed on the matter is the best stuff to come out of Congress since Larry Craig. Now, if the Speaker will just hold her next press conference in a rest room at the Minneapolis airport, the circle will be complete.
...A total of over 30 man and woman hours were logged yesterday as the rehab project at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor continues at a pace as frantic as the aging adult denizens of the estates constitutions will allow. Today its another fun filled day with plenty of "gee, I didn't know that joint was arthritic too" moments.
May 14, 2009 On second thought, let's not go to the conference finals. It is a silly place
...There
is no joy on the banks of the Potomac nor Anacostia this
morning. Sure, anytime two teams play seven games in 14 days, there's
bound to be a blow out. The only question that remains unanswered for
Suttle World is who let the choking dogs out? Props to the Pittsburgh
Penguins who out skated the Caps from the first drop of the puck last
night. The across the board sports mantra is that defense wins games in
any sport in the post season. Suttle World has always disagreed when it
came to hockey. A goaltender that can stand on his head during the
playoffs is a good thing indeed, but forechecking wins hockey games, and such was
the case last night, with at least 40 of the 60 minutes being played in the
Washington zone. The Pens may well be the best team left of the four still
standing, but Suttle World has serious doubts as to whether they have any gas
left in the tank for another, much less two, more series. It was one hell
of a fortnight.
...Just a little "holy what's the significance, what's the harm, Batman" food for thought on a Thursday morning. The gentle surfer probably remembers L. Brent Bozell, Jr.---the long time conservative writer for the National Review, author of many books (most notably Barry Goldwater's The Conscience of a Conservative), and behind the scenes Republican mover and shaker for decades. Bozell died in 1997. He attended Yale in the early 50's where he was a member of the debate team. His partner was William F. Buckley, Jr. Suttle World reckons they done good.
...Drudge features book sales numbers on its home page this morning, and Suttle World's attention is not drawn to who is selling, rather Suttle World is reminded of the numbers that constitute a "best seller." The top selling tome for the week ending May 10 was by Michael J. Fox. The title moved a little over 36,000 copies. BITD, when people used to buy music, a single that sold only 35,000 in a week would be hard to find, because many retailers wouldn't stock such an obscure item. Suttle World has always found the difference in sale of books and music (about a ten fold distinction) to be fascinating. Not good, bad or indifferent, with the bottom line being that "best sellers" rarely sell very well at all relative to records, air fresheners or damn near anything excepting large precious stones.
...If Suttle World had only obtained its MBA, Sony losing $1 BILLION in the first quarter would make sense. How in the hell does this happen? Sure, sales are down. Suttle World would respectfuly suggest that Sony make less stuff until demand turns around. For the gentle surfer that is MBA challenged like Suttle World, the logical extension to Sony's red ink is that they made $1 billion worth of stuff that is sitting in a warehouse somewhere. Suttle World would suggest a "giant, tent, clearance, we must be crazy!, sale. Move the inventory at 50 cents on the dollar, and the quarter's losses are reduced to $500 million. The Suttle World staff is on hold with the MBA Hotline, so that the intricacies can be explained in greater detail.
...Looks like Spanish scientists have detected the presence of cocaine in the air of Madrid and Barcelona. The gentle surfer is urged to not book a flight just yet. "Even if we lived 1,000 years we would not consume the equivalent of a dose of cocaine through the air," said one of the scientists, Miren Lopez de Alda. The Suttle World Institute for Studying Really Stupid Stuff would like to remind reasearchers of Woody Allen's infamous sneeze as an explanation of the phenomenon---prevailing westerly winds and all.
...The frantic final fix up at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor continues, and "upon further review," Suttle World is now of the mind that Hercules was a wuss.
...A mere seven academic days remain before nephew Ridge matriculates as a graduate of the DeKalb County School System. Why its seems like only yesterday that Principal Flintstone was handing Suttle World its chiseled tablet that served as a diploma in the time of the ancient ancestors of the current "school" district. And whatever happened to good old Barney Rubble? Suttle World needs to check classmates.com. Suttle World also needs a colonoscopy, but that procedure will be performed much earlier and often than Suttle World's visits such "old school" sites.
...The math doesn't work. Black, Latino, female, gay and transgender* only adds up to five in Suttle World, and word on the street has the Obama administration considering six potential nominees to fill the Supreme Court seat being vacated by Justice Souter. Suttle Word's best guess is that the sixth is a token, qualified jurist---thrown in just to make it look like they're taking the process seriously.
*What the hell is transgender? The Suttle World mantra is: kiss em if you got em, but sex is a distinction of biology. Gender is a distinction of language. The logical extension is that being transgender is synonymous with being bi-lingual.
...889 words in 60 minutes on the fly. Take that you syndicated, twice a week, pig-dog columnist.
May 13, 2009 Hump day happenstance
...Yes, Suttle World has been silent on issues involving the Middle East of late. This is not because the region is quiet, but, basically, because Suttle World cannot reason with crazy people. The indigenous population is crazy. Despite fighting a war in two areas, there is no US foreign policy or leadership, but if there were, Suttle World's money is on crazy. And all players will still be crazy when Suttle World goes to the wrong side of the grass. Should something really big blow up, a US policy develop or a video of Osama humping a goat surface, Suttle World will have comment. Otherwise, doing so on a regular basis would be akin to keeping the gentle surfer apprized of Suttle World's daily hygienic regime.
...The global recession has not slowed the dutiful work of "researchers"---those anonymous, white lab-coat wearing data collectors and sorters we have all come to know and love. Given most of the problems known to mankind have been solved, a group of scientists at Cornell decided to find out why people who quit smoking tend to put on weight. Never mind that only a third of ex-smokers put on, and keep on, any significant poundage after extinguishing their last butt, this is a pressing issue. Seems as though the group has found that smoking may boost the work of a gene that is believed to be responsible for breaking down fat. The results are inconclusive, and if they weren't, there wouldn't be shit anyone could do about it from a genetic perspective. Now comes the Suttle World Institute for Studying Really Stupid Stuff with a few little annoying things called facts that might interest the lab-coat set at Cornell. Nicotine is a stimulant. Stimulants tend to be appetite suppressants. When one stops cramming an appetite suppressing drug into one's system 20-40 times a day, one tends to have a greater appetite, and consume more calories. Consuming more calories, tends to lead to weight gain. The gentle surfer will note that no genes (embryonic or otherwise) were harmed in the above recitation. The Suttle World Institute for Studying Really Stupid Stuff---telling folks what they already know for a hell of a lot less cash. As an aside, at least one British pub has found a way around the recently imposed smoking ban in England. The pub has declared itself a smoking research center where smokers must fill in a questionnaire on their smoking habits to satisfy legal requirements before sitting down for a drink and a cigarette in the center. Several enterprising American bars have found loopholes regarding performance art, and invite customers to dress in "costume" and smoke during their artistic portrayal of consuming alcohol.
...The entire makeover of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor that has been underway for the past 6-8 months is in its final phase. The only a thing standing between Suttle World and Bride of Suttle World and completion is a good Oxycontin dip. The massive project has been a success, and has given Suttle World an entirely new perspective on the notion of bi-lateral hip replacements.
...Only eight "academic" days remain for nephew Ridge before he successfully finishes his senior year at Tucker High School. The countdown clock prominently displayed by Suttle World for the past month counts down until the bell rings on his final class, next Thursday at 1:30. Graduation is set for the afternoon of Saturday, May 23 at some church in Lilburn. No, Suttle World has no idea, but if there's a wrecking ball dangling in what used to be the gym...
...Surely the gentle surfer remembers Sisyphus---cursed to spend eternity rolling a huge boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll back down. Wash, rinse, repeat. Sisyphus comes to Suttle World's mind when it imagines the eventual eternal at bat in hell when Roger Clemens faces off against Pete Rose. Eternal foul balls, with Satan doing his best Dale Murphy imitation as the catcher.
...Game seven, tonight! Pittsburgh at Washington, 7:00 (EDT), Lumberjack Channel, be there! If the first six games of this second round Stanley Cup playoff series are any indication, this may be the best game of any kind played in all of 2009. The last three have been decided in overtime. And while Suttle World would not wish the playoffs to end with this series, it would seem appropriate to award the Cup to tonight's winner, and just play on for the fun of it. The Caps are 7-1 in elimination games this decade, while the Penguins are 3-0 lifetime in game sevens on the road.
...With regard to the NBA. Now that the Hawks have been eliminated, wake Suttle World when the conference finals get started.
May 12, 2009 Motor city malaise
...The White House's newly hand picked General Motors CEO, Fritz Henderson, said Monday that he's open to selling off U.S. plants, renegotiating parts of its restructuring plan with its major union, and is even considering moving its headquarters from Detroit. Leave Detroit!? Suttle World suggests the city with the $5000 houses and the former world's largest auto maker, whose stock currently trades below the average price of a gallon of unleaded gasoline, are inseparable. In fact, Suttle World contends the two are made for each other. Wouldn't the gentle surfer really rather have a Buick?
...Ooops..."upon further review," the revised budget figures announced by President Obama yesterday increase the red ink by about $90 BILLION to make next year's deficit $1.3 TRILLION. The bottom line: the federal government will have to borrow about 50% of the now estimated $3.6 TRILLION budgeted for the 2010 fiscal year. Just put it on our tab---the grandkids will pick it up later.
...Many a gentle surfer has expressed frustration to Suttle World. This email received last week is typical. "Dear Suttle World: How in the hell did a third of the western world's economy contract in six months, and how can we keep it form happening again? Signed, Beleaguered in Biloxi." Dear Beleaguered: Suttle World understands and shares your incredulous attitude. That said, Suttle World has great faith in the American public to rise above this crisis, and ensure a stable economy in the years to come. That dedication is obvious with a quick perusal of this season's Neilson ratings. The five top rated shows since the DOW was cut in half, and the Obama administration began nationalizing the banking system and other major industries are: 2 American Idols, Dancing With the Stars, CSI and NCSI (Newark Crime Scene Investigators?). The numbers are an obvious indication that American viewing habits have changed, and that the citizenry is taking this matter very seriously indeed. Would the gentle surfer care for a loaf of bread to enjoy at the circus?
...Take that you Pittsburgh pig dogs. Suttle World farts at your overtime. Getting off the frozen deck, the Caps rally, as Dave Steckel nets the sudden death, winning goal at the 6:22 mark of the first overtime period last night in the Igloo (that got real quite real fast), forcing a deciding game seven Wednesday night in DC. Six games, three wins each, three overtimes---this is great stuff.
...AMF to the Hawks who were put out of everyone's misery last night by LeBron and the Cavaliers at Philips. It got ugly during this series, but was an encouraging campaign for a team that hadn't won a playoff series in a decade. Still, Suttle World wonders as to whether the current crew can improve to compete with the elite of the league. And so, 40 seasons have now come and gone for the Hawks as an Atlanta based franchise, and still no trip to a conference finals.
...Suttle World takes comfort in other news organs having inept staffs. Take AP, please. Suttle World is reasonably certain that the headline "Former Catholic head of Milwaukee admits he's gay" was not what senior editors had in mind. That, or it was a slow night around the old newsroom.
May 11, 2009 Exhaustion for $400 please, Alex
...Suttle World, the tread warrior, extends its greetings to the gentle surfer from the Suttle World western NC satellite HQ. Why, what better way to conclude two days of garage stuff triage, excavation cum cleaning and painting? The gentle surfer that answered "load the truck from the fleet at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor, and make a leisurely three hour drive," is correct, and awarded 500 Suttle World bonus points that the gentle surfer can use in any matter it sees fit. To cap off the weekend of excitement, Suttle World will make the return voyage today through soggy conditions.
...Props to Henrik Stenson---winner of this year's Tournament Players' Championship yesterday in Ponte Vedra by virtue of the Swede posting a 66 in his final round.
...NASA says there is a 90% likelihood that the space shuttle Atlantis will blast off this afternoon at 2:00 as scheduled. This particular mission shleps parts to the Hubble telescope. Suttle World finds this more satisfying than typical recent missions---like the one in March, whose crew included a Mr.
Sparky electrician to perform repairs on the international space station.
...Finishing off Monday's abbreviated update are words from cuzin Matt, and another stellar installment of Bruner's Texas Takes
May 10, 2009 Mother's Day
...As is now the long standing annual custom, Suttle World extends a happy day to all the mothers out there (who still know who they are) on this, the 101st anniversary of the "holiday."
...It is appearing highly likely that Suttle World will fall just four games short in its bold prediction of a Hawks upset of the Cavs in their NBA conference semi-final series. LeBron drops 47 in Philips last night to take a 3-0 lead. The young man from Cleveland plays a game with which Suttle World is not familiar.
...Meanwhile on the ice, THE great Stanley Cup conference semi-final series now favors the Penguins 3-2, following the first road win of the matchup last night in overtime against the Capitals. Again, this is just great hockey, and Suttle World can tolerate any outcome (win or lose) if the action stays at this fevered pace. That said, Suttle World is damn tired of hearing Evgeni Malkin's number called. Scoring the winning sudden death overtime goal was just mold on the turd. The play-by-play sounded as if it were written by Poe. "Malkin pushes it ahead again...Malkin shoots...Malkin gets the turnover...Malkin performs appendectomies for the indigent during the first intermission..." NEVERMORE!, unless the next noteworthy item is, "Malikin run over by bus." Now, that's change in which Suttle World can believe.
...A much more interesting moving day at the TPC than Suttle World, and the rest of the western world, saw coming yesterday from Ponte Vedra. Starting seven strokes back, and tied for 22nd, Tiger will tee off in the last group Sunday. Woods will be paired with Alex Cejka (just another in the long line of Czech golf champions that now call Germany home), who holds a five stroke lead after 54 holes. Though much easier pecked out from the comfort of Suttle World HQ than executed, Cejka's lone goal for today's round: short grass. Worry not about the water, nor the windmills, nor the millions watching. Break your driver in half, take a 72, and make someone go 6-7 under to beat you. Should be fun---NBC picks up coverage at 2:00. The final pairing has a 2:25 tee time.
...A sad AMF to Chuck Daly---a slam dunk Hall of Fame coach, and by all accounts, a HOF person, who left this mortal coil yesterday surrounded by family in his Florida home. He was 78. In tribute, ESPN will rebroadcast the Piston's title clinching games from 1989 and 1990 this afternoon. In Detroit, a Ford will be set ablaze in front of a $5000 home---as fans pay tribute, Motor City style.
...Fast, furious and fantastically fatiguing flights of the final finessing of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor continue today, if any adult denizens remain standing to continue. Symptoms vaguely resembling "please kill me" have been observed, and the house orthopedist has yet to report for duty. Memo to the outside world: send either narcotics or some nightshade, please. Suttle World suspects that its reward for the weekend's labors will be an evening drive to the Suttle World western NC satellite HQ. Yes, its Mother's Day.
May 9, 2009 "Always look on the bright side..."
...Is this president great or what? Suttle World should have seen it coming. After all, this is the guy that taught Constitutional law without ever having read the charter, In a little over 100 days, the Obama administration has put the brakes on a worldwide recession, bought half of the DOW (it was on sale) and bitched slapped evil credit card issuing banks so that they can't make any money to pay back the loans owed to the federal government. Top that off with the morbidly obese maraschino cherry that is a $3.5 TRILLION budget (ONE YEAR OF FEDERAL SPENDING!), along with sundry other triumphs, and now the gentle surfer is up to its elbows in change it can believe in. Suttle World can only hope that the political capital cabinet will begin looking bare once the administration gets around to health care. The great ongoing epileptic seizure of socialism has got to ebb at some point (the Soviet Union is still dead, right?). Only 18 months until the mid-term elections, and 36 moons from there til voters put a halt to Jimmy Carter 2.0. Meanwhile, the Grand Old Party continues to dazzle the disgruntled with countless, genius, market based solutions. Well, maybe not, but it was fun to write. Hey, Suttle World can fantasize too!
...THE poster child for Stanley Cup hockey---the current series between Washington and Pittsburgh, is now, quite rightly, tied at 2 games each. The Pens dominated the Caps last night at the tried and true Igloo. There is no rest for the weary---game five is tonight in DC, and will be available to ATL viewers on the Lumberjack Channel. Suttle World is becoming increasingly persuaded that hockey can be resurrected. Its gonna take some work and "change," but Suttle World stands at the ready with a treatise on the subject, coming soon to a browser near the gentle surfer. Memo to the gentle surfer that doesn't give a damn: this is truly compelling programming that just happens to be hockey/sports, and worthy of a look-see---ya might be surprised.
...The third round of the TPC gets started this morning in Ponte Vedra. Memo to the gentle surfer that doesn't give a damn: this is not compelling golf/sports. The leaderboard is vacant of recognizable names, and Tiger is 7 back, tied for 22nd. NBC picks up coverage this afternoon at 2:00 (EDT).
...Suttle World is distressed by the accident yesterday in Boston that left 50 people injured, but it is not accepting any responsibility for the event. Two trolleys collided at 7:18 p.m. between the Park and Government Center stations. No, Suttle World did not expressly advise the gentle surfer to not to ape shit crazy because the Ollie Burger code had been broken, but it is expressly implied. The most seriously injured was the operator of the trolley that rear ended the other car. He has told authorities that he was sending text messages from his cell phone immediately prior to the collision---no doubt texting his ideas for the secret recipe to friends and family. Suttle World understands the enthusiasm, but let's be careful out there.
...Suttle World is bewildered as to all the fuss at the University of California, Berkley regarding a recent hacker accessing restricted computer databases, putting at risk health and other personal information on 160,000 students, alumni and others. The institution has been putting the mental health and well being of its student body at risk since anyone can remember.
May 8, 2009 Fleeting Friday
...Its a Friday travel day for Suttle World, that briefly publishes this morning from the western North Carolina satellite HQ. Props to Sir Isaac for his assistance in unloading the truck upon Suttle World's arrival yesterday evening. Would the Suttle World staff orthopedist please pick up the white courtesy phone? A return to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor is scheduled for later today.
...Well at least the Hawks will save on Kleenex. In the first two games of their second round NBA playoff series, the Cavs have knocked ever last droplet of snot from the Atlanta ball club, and now hold a lien on all phlegm they produce through 2012. OK, so its a shorter season than previously boldly/stupidly predicted by Suttle World, but the long forborne franchise improved yet again this season, and will drop out of the post season this season by losing to the eventual champion.
...Game four---Washington at Pittsburgh, tonight---be there! This is a the reason people watch hockey. Absolutely compelling to date, and there's no reason to believe its going to stop anytime soon. Suttle World does wonder if the eventual winner will have enough gas left in the tank for the Stanley Cup conference finals---especially the Caps, who went a full seven games in round one.
...Its not that hard boys and girls. Manny Ramirez is an idiot. Manny can ball like few others, but Manny is an abject moron.
May 7, 2009 Ryan wronged
...On or about Inauguration Day, Atlanta based sports talk show host Ryan Stewart said he was so excited about a black man becoming president that he wanted to go into a Kentucky Fried Chicken and set up everyone in the place (as in setting up the bar). Suttle World nearly soiled itself. It was you had to be there moment for Ryan, who along with his brother Doug, host an extremely well done and now nationally syndicated sports afternoon talk show---2 Live Stews, 790, The Zone/WQXI (yes, that WQXI)/790 AM. Ryan should now own a piece of Oprah who has shamelessly thieved his notion by treating the country to some of the new KFC grilled chicken. No, Suttle World never envisioned pecking out a take that included Oprah, Ryan Stewart and KFC.
...Props to the Pens, who win a hard fought 3-2 overtime victory over the Capitals last night. Washington now leads the best of seven series 2-1, with game four set for Friday night in Pittsburgh. Hockey just doesn't get better than this.
...While in the sports aisle, Suttle World brings forth the startling sports stat of the week. Tiger Woods has won 14 majors in his first 12 years on the tour. Of course, that in and of itself is sick, but Suttle World asks the gentle surfer to consider that only six other players have won a major during the same time span! Suttle World isn't sure what the number means. It may mean that the argument of Tiger already being the greatest ever because the quality of the fields he has consistently beaten being so much better than those tamed by Nicklaus, Hogan, et al may not be as valid as everyone assumed. Just something to think about on a Wednesday morning. Suttle World is not calling out Eldrick. Suttle World is simply giving consideration to joining the "let's wait until 19 comes along, and then see" crowd. Suttle World owns a lot of stuff (including golf gear) that is older than Tiger. And whatever happened to that mystery bottle of brown stuff that allegedly gave one a better grip and smelled of yak urine that Suttle World dutifully carried in its bag for many moons?
...A final golf take, this one local. A sad AMF to Red Dobbins---a longtime fixture and former "club" champion at Mystery Valley Golf Club---the early 70's built, excellent and value priced DeKalb County muni that Suttle World and all Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic invitees would, no doubt, call their "home" course. A memorial service will be held for Red this Saturday, May 9th at 11:00 am at Bill Head Funeral Home in Tucker, GA on Hwy. 29.
...Scouring the entire federal budget line-by-line, the Obama administration has found a list of 121 wasteful spending projects to eliminate, thereby saving $17 billion, or less than 1% of the current $3.4 TRILLION budget. Suttle World would respectively request that the GAO make an accounting of how much it cost to determine the $17 billion that is to be saved, including the cost of the GAO analysis. Suttle World is of the mind that the overwhelming majority of the physical and metaphysical boo-boos dealt by life fall into the "one day we'll look back on this and laugh" category. Fatal plane crashes, combat and $3.4 TRILLION federal budgets (and that's not even close to actual spending) are examples of events that don't fit into the that category. Yes, the previous administration got this republic busting spending ball rolling. The Obama administration has put it on a Japanese bullet train. The gentle surfer that can name a single nation in human history that spent itself into prosperity is encouraged to enlighten Suttle World.
May 6, 2009 Murtha 1 Hawks 0
...The Hawks get pounded in game one 99-72 by LeBron and the Cavs last night. Its a long series, or at least it could be.
...Arlen Specter's switch (again) to the Democratic side of the aisle in the Senate came as no surprise, nor will it change many votes. The belated, salient take from Suttle World is that Specter's jump makes Jack Murtha look like one of the smartest guys in Washington. Specter was very up front that he changed parties so he could be re-elected. Murtha called out his Pennsylvania constituents as a bunch of rubes last year, and the world stops turning. Looks like Murtha had it right all along. Voters have a 30 year record on which to make a decision on whether to send Specter back to the world's most exclusive club, but will, instead, cast votes because the letter in front of his name is "D" as opposed to "R." That would make Pennsylvania voters morons, just like Congressman Murtha explained last year.
May 5, 2009 Suttle World and Ollie burger to rule EU
Editors note: in deference to WHO guidelines, Suttle World will make no mention of Cinco de Mayo
...Estonia is going big time. Now a full fledged member of the European Union, the burgeoning Baltic republic is embarking on voting to send representatives to the EU with elections in June. In preparation, Estonian authorities are going to have a test run of their new e-voting system where "voters" will choose imitation candidates much like they would order from a menu. "The lonely hamburger is supposed to reflect independent candidates not linked to any party." AH HA! Book the air fare! The lonely hamburger may not have a patty's chance, much like independent candidates in the US, but make it an Ollie Burger, and Joe Kennedy may as well be tabulating the ballots. It would be a landslide, make Suttle World a god (again---"stop that groveling!"), and carry over into the general election where Suttle World would be elected going away. Now, just how much political capital can Suttle World buy with endless Ollie Burgers over a five year term in the European Parliament? Yes, its a rhetorical question, but for the slow starting gentle surfer, the result would be the Ollie party quickly forming a coalition government to run the whole gosh darn EU. Then, Europe as we know it changes. Ollies sold at tedious soccer matches end hooliganism. The aroma of Ollies sizzling along the Champs-Elysées, makes the French smell good. Italy will abandon pasta as a food stuff, and become energy self sufficient just by saving on boiling all that water. Brits will get fatter, and the entire island nation will sink into the Atlantic, greatly hastening the effects of rising oceans due to global warming. Its Olliefest Destiny. "Today your love/Tomorrow the world."
...Today 73 percent more adults and 50 percent more children are using drugs to treat mental illness than in 1996. The subject is complex enough to make any student of the issue likely to require treatment with a drug for mental illness. The folks at Columbia University who conducted the study seem to think the increase is a good thing, and Suttle World would agree if the researchers were able to also report who was prescribing what drug for which patient in conjunction with whatever other treatment regime. Suttle World would point to clinical depression (the common cold of the human mind) as an example. SSRIs (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors) are commonly prescribed to treat the disorder, and they tend to work IF 1) the disorder was properly diagnosed, and few MDs are adequately trained to do so; and 2) if the drug protocol is combined with counseling. The research is clear that the efficacy of these particular drugs is dependent on incorporating "psycho-therapy" into the mix. Counting pills is easy. Measuring the overall good, bad or indifference is near impossible. At least someone is counting. From lifelong institutionalization to frontal lobotomy to chemical lobotomy. There's still a long way to go before "We're a happy family."
...Tonight the Atlanta Hawks begin an endeavor that will shock the sports world---an upset, seven game win over the Cavaliers to advance to the NBA eastern conference finals. Tip off for game one is 8:00 (TNT) in the Land of Cleves. "Gimmie, gimmie shock treatment."
...Props to the Washington Capitals who take a 2-0 advantage in their second round Stanley Cup playoff series against the Penguins by virtue of a thrilling 4-3 win last night in DC. This is shaping up to be perhaps one the most successful spring post seasons in Suttle World history. "I believe in miracles."
May 4, 2009 Hawks advance
...Props to the Atlanta Hawks who won their first playoff series in a decade yesterday afternoon, by virtue of capturing the deciding game seven against the Heat---thereby completing the most boring seven game series in the history of professional sports. In all seven games, there was never a lead change after the first quarter, but Suttle World has no complaints. As stated in Sunday's update, it was the Hawks turn yesterday afternoon, and they took full advantage for the seventh double digit win of the first round series. Next up, the Cavs---a team the Hawks have played as well as any team in the NBA during the regular season. Game one is set for Tuesday night in Cleveland.
...Its
probably overreaction by both parties. The Chinese probably didn't need to
quarantine 70 visiting Mexican nationals, and the Mexican government
probably didn't need to make an international incident over the deal, but
Mexican authorities announced it was chartering a plane Monday to bring its
citizens home from China. Who knew Mexico had a plane?
...Finishing out this flu free, abbreviated Monday update is cuzin Matt, and another stellar installment of Bruner's Texas Takes.
May 3, 2009 Mine the what!?
...Props to Mine That Bird, and the entire Clampett family on their, dare Suttle World say, shocking win in the Kentucky Derby Saturday evening (video replay-click here). Suttle World extends extraordinary props to Jethro/Calvin Borel, who had an amazing ride (and equally cool "victory lap," doing donuts in the infield and smoking the tires)---beating a field that was no more difficult to handicap than tonight's Pick 3 from the Georgia Lottery. Suttle World especially enjoyed seeing Uncle Jed again too (or was that Richard Petty---Suttle World always gets them confused), and extends its best wishes on a successful recovery from that busted leg thing. The horse paid an amazing $103.20, $54 and $25.80, largely because it could not suck enough in each of its outings this year. The exotics were even more astonishing. The exacta paid $2,074.80, a $2 triple paid $41,500.60, and the $2 superfecta (top 4 in the correct order) paid probably only two or three folks a lovely $557,006.40 Yes, trainer Bob Baffert is a big leaguer, and the jock is a past Derby winner, but there's a reason why this horse was originally purchased for $9,500. Its a great story for a very short period of time. For now, "everyone's heard about the Bird," but unless the three year old has suddenly become Secretariat reincarnate, the possibility of having the first Triple Crown winner in 31 years that the dying sport so desperately needs ended at the same time as the Derby did yesterday---some 2 minutes, 2 and two-fifths seconds following its start. As improbable as yesterday's outcome was, the Suttle World handicapping axiom stands tall: don't bet on these suckers, just buy a lottery ticket.
...AMF to Jack Kemp, who went to that big locker room in the sky yesterday at the age of 73. The AP obit sums up Kemp's earlier days when he made a living as a quarterback the best. "Kemp was a 17th round 1957 NFL draft pick by the Detroit Lions, but was cut before the season began. After being released by three more NFL teams and the Canadian Football League over the next three years, he joined the American Football League's Los Angeles Chargers as a free agent in 1960. A waivers foul-up two years later would land him with the Buffalo Bills, who got him at the bargain basement price of $100." Suttle World is unsure as to whether the Bills or Chargers made the foul up, but Kemp's biggest football accomplishments came off the gridiron in retirement as an 8 term Congressman from New York and unsuccessful presidential candidate. It was during this period, that Kemp sucked every football metaphor out of the English language. Though Jack's passing is sad, the return of the most useful literary device from extinction is very welcome. Please use it judicially boys and girls!
...The assisted care wing at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor will see a brisk business today, and that was only the ceiling and priming walls and trim. Bride of Suttle World presented with symptoms vaguely resembling death prior to retiring last night, and has not been heard from since. More fun today, as actual paint is applied to each and every vertical surface in the master suite of the west wing. Suttle World's finger nails ache, as it punches out this morning's update, but, per: usual, it gives, and gives and gives...This just in...Bride of Suttle World lives, and is ambulatory. More updates as they happen. Where's a hacking Mexican when one is really needed (word on the street is that they go for half price at the local day labor hang out)?
...Very cool matinee status (1:00 - ABC) for today's deciding game seven between the Hawks and Heat at Phillips Arena/ATL. Tip off is at 1:00 on ABC. Props to the Celtics for outlasting the Bulls in a series that shouldn't have had to eliminate either team. But Boston does advance, and faces Orlando in the second round. The Atlanta/Miami winner draws LeBron and the Cavs. Suttle World has no idea who will show up healthy in mind or body for the Hawks today, and as such, has no clue as to how its gonna go down. This translates to Suttle World seeing few wagering opportunities, save for the gentle surfer with certitude of a Heat win---at which a 2:1 money line is attractive. Hawk backers, like Suttle World, end up on the very short end of the stick/-$240 for their certitude---a risk Suttle World is unwilling to take. The gentle surfer will note the absence of any mention of the Hawks being a 5 point favorite, because of another Suttle World wagering axiom: Friends don't let friends bet the point spread in basketball (unless the money line is unavailable for the underdog).
...Viva Les Capitals! Ovechkin and Crosby post nearly identical numbers in the box score, but the scoreboard clearly reads Washington 3 Pittsburgh 2, as the first game of their second round Stanley Cup Playoff series is in the books. The Ducks at Red Wings is the network NHL broadcast today---2:00, NBC.
...Props to Dan Magness, a 25 chap from Covent Garden, in the UK, who is now the world record holder for keepy-uppy. Magness began his quest Friday, using his feet, legs and head in an effort to keep a soccer ball in the air. He smashed through the old record of about 19.5 hours, and just kept going until just after the 24 hour mark. The gentle surfer can watch the entire 24 hours of keepy-uppy coverage here from YouTube. As an alternative, the gentle surfer can click here and be directed to nfl.com, and a video pod cast of the league's recently completed draft in its entirety.
...The Sunday Suttle World H1N1 influenza virus take: please see (Every Day Is) Saturday's Suttle World H1N1 influenza virus take below, excepting to add that the gentle surfer need not fear the upcoming Cinco de Mayo celebrations at their local Mexican restaurant. It doesn't work that way. Getting jammed up in an "authentic" festival?---breaking out a mask might not be to worst idea.
Derby pre-post update (5:17 pm)
...Favorite I Want Revenge is scratched, and there's a whole lot of $s to be had. Its just damn tough to figure out how. Suttle World continues to be impressed with #7 Papa Clem---finished second to Revenge in the slop at the Wood Memorial. The others that should be around at the finish first are the favorite #6 Feiesan Fire, #15 Dunkirk, and especially #1 West Side Bernie who currently is very attractive at 30:1. Suttle World Twitter is tweeting.
May 2, 2009 Derby Day
...Suttle World is working without a net this morning, both literally and figuratively. A Suttle World internal techno glitch has interrupted internet access at this writing that was available upon Suttle World's rising. Reconfiguration of the server farm can resolve the issue if necessary, but given the weekend ever inept skeleton IT staff, Suttle World will await simpler solutions before applying a bottle of conditioner to the tangle of wires that currently snake towards each of the 360 degrees of the compass in Suttle World HQ.
...Hell, Suttle World heads to the shower for the bottle of Gee, Your Cables Smell Terrific. No (Every Day Is) Saturday update can be done justice without a browser in which to gaze during its creation. BRB, says the ever hip-cat that is Suttle World.
...OK, much better. Its a big day. Only 14 school days remain in the 2008-9 academic year for nephew Ridge (the real time countdown is shown at the top of this page); by virtue of a poor performance and being shorthanded last night, the Hawks will play a deciding game seven against the Heat Sunday; and today is Derby Day that kinda snuck up on everyone. Yep, its the first (Every Day Is) Saturday of May. In keeping with the now 10-12 week long tradition, Suttle World turns to TV for (Every Day Is) Saturday SOTD inspiration. No, its not an (Every Day Is) Saturday TV song, but Suttle World dares any gentle surfer to challenge its appropriateness. Suttle World is also willing to speculate that the gentle surfer didn't know it was Donny Hathaway either.
...The Hawks. Yes, Al Horford and Marvin Williams are hurt, the game was in Miami, the dog ate the homework, etc... Regardless, the Hawks are thumped by the Heat Friday night to force game seven Sunday afternoon (1:00) at Phillips. While this series is going the maximum, it stands in stark contrast to the Celtics/Bulls series that will be decided with their game seven tonight (8:00) through Sunday morning. Lapping previous NBA playoff records with four of the first six games requiring a total of seven overtime periods, many have deemed this the most compelling non-title post season series in league history. In contrast, Atlanta/Miami is going to the wire following six blowouts---a set of circumstances that doesn't particularly disturb Suttle World, given its the Hawks "turn." For the record, the Celtics/Bulls triple-overtime thriller turned out to be the most-watched first-round game in cable TV history. Game 6 was seen by 5.35 million viewers. The previous record was 4.97 million for Game 6 of the Suns-Lakers series in 2006, a 126-118 overtime win by Phoenix.
...The 135th Kentucky Derby...First, the annual Suttle World rant regarding the Triple Crown races. The first rule of thoroughbred handicapping is that there are no rules in thoroughbred handicapping. That said, there are some rules of thumb that have held up over the years: good times and mostly bad, poly-turf or dirt, Santa Anita or Timonium. Two immediately come to Suttle World's mind: all things being equal (which they never are), 1) Horses beat mares (the boys beat the girls, for the same reasons why there are no female interior linepersons in the NFL; 2) Older horses beat three year olds. The gentle surfer familiar with the sport of kings understands the intricacies of such things. For the gentle surfer who, like the overwhelming majority of the public, only watches 2-3 races on TV a year, the Triple Crown series is basically the equine equivalent of a MacDonald's All American track meet featuring the best high school runners from around the country. Hold that metaphor, and consider the Suttle World axiom of not wagering on college athletics/having one's bucks' fate determined by a 19 year old, and then back it down to the high school level. This is what the handicapper faces when picking up the Daily Racing Form (free past performances/charts and graphs for the big race) on Derby Day---a race that's damn near impossible to handicap, with the winning tickets most likely being held by bettors who thought the horse was cute. Now that the annual tedium is out of the way, does the gentle surfer believe that such enormous obstacles will prevent Suttle World from passing along sage analysis of today's run for the roses that will enrich the gentle surfer? HELL NO. Not only will Suttle World prevail, it continues to show enormous love by publishing its brilliant insight for the gentle surfer, with whom Suttle World is competing in the pari-mutuel world. Without objection, Suttle World seeks unanimous consent to amend, extend and "tweet" its remarks prior to post time. Without objection: so ordered. So...check back for continuing updates. This, as almost always is the case, is going to depend on where the money goes. Most of the money will quite logically be directed at I Want Revenge, the lucky #13 horse. Early wagering has it at 6:1, but that price will decline steadily over the course of the day, and Suttle World would not be at all surprised if the 4:1 morning line, favorite goes off at 5:2. The biggest problem here, of course, is that the favorite never wins this race. Arguing against that tradition is I Want Revenge's chart that shows the highest Beyer number while beating every other competent entry in the field in the process. This has included overcoming serious adversity/a really bad trip to win the Wood Memorial his last time out. Such a trait comes in handy in a stampede of 20 three year olds. The question now becomes who else will finish in the money. Suttle World's first cursory examination of the past performances has it absolutely smitten the lucky #7 horse---Papa Clem, and will take ole Papa Clem across the board, and a 7-13 exacta box now. Suttle World is also impressed with the current betting favorite---the #6 Friesan Fire, and will take a 6-7-13 $1 triple box as well. To be safe, we'll change the exacta box to 6-7-13 too. That's $18 with which Suttle World would gladly part at this writing without regard to the tote board near post time. There are 4-5 other decent looking entries, that Suttle World would gladly endorse with its bucks in some fashion depending on how the betting public behaves. Post time for the Kentucky Derby is listed as 6:24. The gentle surfer is encouraged to check back, especially around the time the drunks begin weeping at My Old Kentucky Home. The genle surfer may also (maybe) follow along as Suttle World begins its first interaction in the Twitter side of Suttle World. A few obligatory "tweets" were posted a few weeks ago, but Suttle World has yet to play with it. This evening should prove interesting. Suttle World foresees candyass hedge bets o plenty. A final and important note: all the above is out the window given the weather forecast in Louisville of heavy rain. Suttle World will look for a mudder.
...Being the naive idiot Suttle
World is, at this stage of the game, its truly impressed by the seeming over
reaction to the current global H1N1 influenza outbreak. Suttle World has
been on the record for some time as being of the mind that this particular contagion
was not a major threat. Regardless, Suttle World finds "the ability
to follow a pandemic in real time for the first time ever" (WHO chick) to
be comforting. Suttle World highly suspects that WHO has some really neat
new computer gear, and that this particular outbreak has presented the first
opportunity to show it off. As an aside, Suttle World sends its props to
the despicable, evil, na
sty
Ticketshyster (whose mother is a hamster and father smells of elderberries) for
yesterday's unsolicited email. The child and dog beater's communiqué
featured events for which it would charge usury fees offered beginning May
1. And the featured event is: (God all mighty, Suttle World simply
could not make this up): >>>>>>>>>>>>>>
"Mexico
vs. Venezuela, Georgia Dome, Wed., June 24."
Suttle World has so many questions: will
universal precautions be underway for all Dome employees? Do bag o urine
tossing Mexican soccer fans have a higher rate of infection than the Mexican
population at large? Will a flour tortilla, worn on the face, adequately
protect one from the virus?
May 1, 2009 Happy May Day - Olliestock I a hit
...A happy May Day to the gentle surfer from Suttle World who has yet to be briefed as to when and who will be gathering for parades of military gear and such. The gentle surfer is asked to consider that the mercifully soon approaching high school graduating classes of 2009 has (99%) never lived in a world with the Soviet Union (in any meaningful form---work with Suttle World here---its been around 18 years, and 18 year olds graduate from high school---geez!).
...Olliestock I was a hit. Cuzins Bill, Moke, Paul and Larry all piled into stately Roberts/Suttle Manor yesterday evening in the Oliver W. Gleichenhaus Memorial Dining Hall, and Ollied down. By Suttle World's recollection an even dozen Ollies were prepared, and with the help of nephew Ridge, girl friend of nephew Ridge and Bride of Suttle World, it proved to be the perfect allocation. Sure, cuzin Larry could have dropped another dozen with ease, but had to commute back to metro Greenville, SC on a school night. All attendees said it was a real Ollie Burger, and Suttle World's mouth hole continues to agree. No doubt there can be major improvements, especially given the kitchen staff at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor is unaccustomed to such mass production. Regardless, Suttle World declares Olliestock I to be a success, and extends its thanks to its guests for flattering Suttle World with their presence. A special shout out to cuzin Paul who will jet (or turbo-prop) his way back to the Vermont homestead today. More frequent visits are promised, and this is good.
...Its a tie. Word on the street has Justice Souter hanging up his robe come the end of the current Court term. At 68, he's among the youngest half of the Supremes, and will be replaced with an identical vote. By and large, some degree of sanity prevails on the Court by a 5-4 margin, and Suttle World is of the opinion that Chief Justice Roberts has settled in for a very long run. This would be of great comfort to Suttle World, but "upon further review," Suttle World's emotional game ends in an ambivalent tie when Suttle World recalls that the Court's job is to interpret a Constitution that the Court long since kicked to the curb. See boys and girls, back in 1801 there was a judge named Marshall. Never mind...
...Speaking of 68 years old, its an age Justice Souter shares with Bob Dylan who, with his most recent release, will become the oldest artist to chart or some such when the counting is done. No doubt, Dylan will quickly be supplanted by an 85 year old rapper, but for a while he'll be the biggest oldest dude ever. Suttle World readily confesses that its never getting Dylan to most likely be its own short coming, but Suttle World has always got that he was DYLAN (i.e. Elvis, Sinatra, Beatles/larger than life, et al). Still, at the end of this day (like all other days---a Saturday), Richard Manitoba will remain the handsomest man in rock n roll.
...The duties of Olliestock and other sundry vagaries have prevented Suttle World from giving a full and complete look at the current influenza pandemic. And while Suttle World's current take that the present worst case scenario is feeling like hell for a week, Suttle World appreciates that the take could be formed in an oblivious environment where "ignorance is bliss"...(the unaware gentle surfer is advised to look up the entire "quote" for context). Suttle World feels flu like takes setting in for (Every Day is) Saturday's update.
WORLD 
