Archives---May 2008

May 31, 2008

...The final day of May brings with it a return to Wiffle Atlanta action for the Suttle World Senators who look to improve of their 2-4 mark heading out of the Memorial Day break.  The ranks have shrunk.  Nescient cuzin Nathan required sutures to repair a work related accident to his right hand, and is still listed on the DL.  Nephew Ridge has been optioned to hell, leaving his availability up in the air.  Suttle World can only hope that with the aid of an ailing pitching staff and Grandpa's retooled swing, the Senators can get some long overdue magic working this afternoon in Decatur.  At this writing, tickets were still available at the box office.

...Props to the Celtics who return to the finals for the first time in nearly 20 years against the Lakers.  Its a dream matchup for the league in terms of butts in front of televisions, and has great potential for the fan as well.  Two worst to first ball clubs that are traditional rivals, and are also the two most hated franchises in NBA history.  Meanwhile, the NHL goes prime time tonight with Detroit in Pittsburgh at 8:00 on NBC in game three of their Stanley Cup finals series (Red Wings lead 2-1).

...More confirmation on the finding of tribes in South America.  "(BBC) The Brazilian government says it took the images to prove the tribe exists and help protect its land.  The pictures, taken from an aeroplane, show red-painted tribe members brandishing bows and arrows."  A study of the photograph posted here may help explain why the indigenous population was so difficult to find---obviously having hidden in the "nostrils" of huge nose constructed on the forest floor.  The little buggers were photographed only upon picking this particular time to blow the place, and clear their heads in the great out of doors.  Suttle World's look at the pics reveals that these newly discovered people are in need of but a singular thing.  They do not require food aid, improved drinking water or agricultural technology, the baby Jesus, very rural electrification or television.  Suttle World is of the considered opinion that their need is to be left the hell alone!

..."(AP) NEW YORK - Apple Inc.'s iPhone, a new model of which is widely expected this summer, took 19.2 percent of the U.S. market for "smart" phones in the first quarter of 2008, according to research firm IDC's vendor survey."  Another sure sign of the economic Armageddon now facing the nation.

May 30, 2008

..."(AP) WASHINGTON - Top Democratic leaders intend to push for a quick end to the battle for the presidential nomination when primaries are over next week, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said Thursday, adding that he, Speaker Nancy Pelosi and party chairman Howard Dean will urge uncommitted delegates to choose sides."  Let Suttle World do the math for the gentle surfer:  Reid + Pelosi + Dean/Satan v. Benson---factors into one hell of a lightweight division.  A vibrant GOP would look at such a cast of characters, and make this election cycle 1980/morning in American all over again; but there is no vibrant Republican party---merely a whiter, lighter version of their socialist colleagues on the other side of the aisle.  Sorta like the political equivalent of Olestra---sounds great on paper until the clean up starts.  True, a hideous visual to start the gentle surfer's day, but not as unsavory as reality appears in direct sunlight.

..."(Fortune Magazine) -- With gas, grain, and dairy prices exploding, you'd think the biggest seller of corn flakes and Cocoa Puffs would be getting hit by rising food costs. But Wal-Mart has temporarily rolled back prices on hundreds of food items by as much as 30% this year. How? By pressuring vendors to take costs out of the supply chain."  Suttle World is not so easily fooled.  The move by the corporate behemoth will eventually lead to the end of the world.  The deduction is due to the axiom that Wal-Mart is evil because____________________.  The gentle surfer will have to play along with Gene Rayburn and fill in the blank, because despite a litany of whinny complaints, Suttle World has yet to come to any understanding as to why Wal-Mart is a retailing anti-Christ.

...Some days, the headlines allow for the hits to just keep coming...

..."CINCINNATI (Reuters) - When Ohio's Kent State University offered custodial staff the option of working four days a week instead of five to cut commuting costs, most jumped at the chance, part of a U.S. trend aimed at combating soaring gasoline prices."  Taking off Friday on a college campus?!  Suttle World believes such a move to be too drastic, and advises the good folks at Kent to ease into the new work week.  Memo to Kent:  the custodial staff wasn't at work on Friday's to begin with as there was nobody else on campus to verify their whereabouts.

..."RIO DE JANEIRO (Reuters) - Amazon Indians from one of the world's last uncontacted tribes have been photographed from the air, with striking images released on Thursday showing them painted bright red and brandishing bows and arrows."  In enlargements of  pictures similar to the one showed, the Indians can clearly be seen flipping off the airplane during its flyover.

...AMF to the defending NBA champion Spurs.  Props are also in store for Carolina's own Mitch Kupchek who managed to surround a prima Dona, bona fide superstar with a cast that has brought the Lakers from beyond awful to potential ring wearers in a single season.  The eastern conference finals continue tonight with the Celtics trying to put away the Pistons in Detroit.  If necessary, a game seven is set for Boston Sunday night.

...The gentle surfer in the Hamburg area this evening is advised that a pre-release party is being thrown tonight by AFM Records for Sinner and Ross The Boss at Hamburg's Headbanger's Ballroom where the new lp "New Metal Leader" will be debuted for the press. Afterwards the doors are flung open to the public for a set from both bands.  The gentle surfer unfamiliar with the venue will find it just a block southeast of Pete Best's gravesite.

May 29, 2008

...MOUNT RUSHMORE, S.D. (AP) - Hillary Rodham Clinton, her future far from carved in stone, paid a visit to the famed Mount Rushmore monument Wednesday."  After taking a few questions from reporters, Satan began her ascent of Rushmore as aides explained that the Senior Senator from New York was going to perch herself atop the nose of Jefferson and stay there until nominated by the Democratic party and subsequently elected president in November.  A source inside Satan's campaign admitted to Suttle World that the move was a bit drastic, but, if unsuccessful, the candidate was prepared to move to to "Plan B"---holding her breath until she turns bluer than her pants suit.

..."(International Herald Tribune) Two monkeys with tiny sensors in their brains have learned to control a mechanical arm with just their thoughts, using it to reach for and grab food and even to adjust for the size and stickiness of morsels when necessary, scientists reported on Wednesday."  Suttle World steps in and ends this fight early to keep anyone from getting hurt.  Its all over---the beginning of the Planet of the Apes is upon us.  If monkeys can use their brains to control mechanical devices, while the vast majority of 15 year old humans believe the product of the equation eight times seven to be Canada...

...Suttle World believes Scott McClellan's jolting revelations about the Bush administration are interesting in short form, but is loathe to make any definitive rant not having read the tome.  Even then, its still at least 20 years shy of a decent perspective in which to put McClellan's take, alongside scores of other such efforts, as history attempts to make its first fair (time wise) assessment of this president.

..."NEW YORK (Reuters) - A New York lawyer is suing Delta Air Lines for $1 million, saying his family vacation turned into a nightmare after they were stranded in an airport for days and treated disdainfully by airline employees.  Richard Roth, who filed the lawsuit on behalf of himself and his mother, said he planned the Christmas 2007 trip to Buenos Aires to celebrate his mother's 80th birthday. She had grown up in the city, but had not returned in years, he said.  Instead, Roth, his two teenage children, his wife and mother spent three days in airports, went days without their luggage, were treated rudely by airline employees and were forced to spend $21,000 on unused hotel rooms in Argentina, replacement clothes, and other costs."  God's speed counselor.  Collecting a judgment may prove difficult, but there have to be a few tires and sundry parts in a hanger somewhere with which to start.  Maybe a seat on the Board.  Some of the ancients recall a time in which Delta was an Atlanta based carrier that kicked the rest of the industry's ass in service and convenience.  Not content with the growing, profitable, family model, Delta instead successfully embarked on the United States Postal Service school of business, and things have been just swell ever since.

..."(AP) ATLANTA - The number of people hospitalized with a dangerous intestinal superbug has been growing by more than 10,000 cases a year, according to a new study.  The germ, resistant to some antibiotics, has become a regular menace in hospitals and nursing homes. The study found it played a role in nearly 300,000 hospitalizations in 2005, more than double the number in 2000.  The infection, Clostridium difficile, is found in the colon and can cause diarrhea and a more serious intestinal condition known as colitis. It is spread by spores in feces. But the spores are difficult to kill with most conventional household cleaners or antibacterial soap.  C-diff, as it's known, has grown resistant to certain antibiotics that work against other colon bacteria. The result: When patients take those antibiotics, competing bacteria die off and C-diff explodes."  This is not good, but Suttle World wonders as to whether hyperbaric treatment isn't called for here as opposed to antibiotic therapy.  By Suttle World's recollection, the Clostridium genus is an anaerobic obligate (as in C. tetani/tetanus---on the proverbial rusty/oxidized nail?...).  Stipulated that there probably aren't enough machines to go around, but Suttle World sees it as sensical to pump oxygen into these patients---something known to the lethal to the bug.  Just a thought from the Suttle World Chad Everett Medical Center.

...Bing Crosby lights the lamp twice as his Penguins score their first three goals of the Stanley Cup finals, and become viable once again---now trailing Detroit 2-1.  Game four is set for Pittsburgh Saturday night (8:00 NBC).  Meanwhile on the hardcourt, some serious hoops are being played out by Boston and Detroit, with the Celtics taking a 3-2 lead in their eastern conference finals series with a win in Boston last night.  Game six Friday in Detroit.

...The 2008 Georgia HS Association baseball championships will be determined this weekend. In Class AAAAA, Walton is at Brookwood; Class AAAA, Loganville at Griffin; Class AAA, Stephens County at Cartersville; Class AA, Lovett at Wesleyan (Norcross); and Class A, Pacelli at Landmark Christian.  Each will play doubleheaders beginning late Friday afternoon, with a third and deciding game, if necessary, set for early Saturday afternoon at the same sites.

May 28, 2008

..."(Financial Times.com) The gloom enveloping the US housing market intensified on Tuesday as home prices dropped at the fastest annual rate since records began 20 years ago.  The Standard & Poor’s/Case Shiller national house price index fell 14.1 per cent in the first quarter of this year, compared with the same period a year earlier, a decline that threatens to delay any recovery in the broader economy."  Suttle World well understands the gentle surfer surveying its household for the most durable shower curtain rod from which to swing.  Hey, after reading the above data, its obvious we're all going to die, so why not eat the Egg McMagnum now and avoid the rush?  But wait!  "(AP) Sales of new homes across the United States rose an unexpected 3.3 percent in April from the prior month, to a seasonally adjusted annual pace of 526,000 homes, a government report showed Tuesday."  So, maybe we aren't all going to die immediately.  Suttle World speculates that business aint that bad in the real estate world---just that in many cases, homes are going at hugely (as in "we must be crazy!") discounted prices.  Bottom line:  the gentle surfer distressed by having to stomp the FOR SALE sign in the yard today can be comforted in knowing there's a similarly deflated domicile to buy on down the road.  The alternative would be to wait a couple quarters, and allow the market to stabilize---making the aforementioned shower curtains seem even that less attractive.  Again, the above and any Suttle World economic rant is based upon the notion of tax cuts being extended---a state of affairs that is seeming less likely.  Toss in a tax increase, and all bets are off.  Actually they're on---providing a great chance to short everything in sight (stocks, interest rates, small children, etc...). 

...The solemn consensus is that a portion of the southern grounds of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor have had a reoccurrence of the enormous, hydrophilic, blue tumor that made a similar appearance almost exactly one year ago.  Irregularities were first noticed in the landscape late Sunday, and now the growth is nearing 16 feet in diameter at a height that may well reach last year's 48 inches.  More updates as they become available.  Courage!

..."(AP) LOS ANGELES - Sharon Stone's "karma" comment is having an instant effect on her movie-star status in China.  The 50-year-old actress suggested last week that the devastating May 12 earthquake in China could have been the result of bad karma over the government's treatment of Tibet. That prompted the founder of one of China's biggest cinema chains to say his company would not show her films in his theaters, according to a story in The Hollywood Reporter."  And some gentle surfers wonder why Suttle World has but 19 months remaining to make it into a theater this (STILL UNNAMED) decade.

...The Lakers take a decisive 3-1 lead over the Spurs with a win in San Antonio last night.  The Celtics and Pistons are knotted at two each headed back to Auburn Hills tonight.  Meanwhile, the Penguins are still looking for their first goal of the Stanley Cup finals against a veteran Red Wings club, with game three on tap for tonight in Steel City.  Memo to Gary Bettman:  again, Suttle World Sports Consulting humbly offers to fix hockey for the pittance of 0.5% of the pot---meager though it may be.

May 27, 2008

...Short and sweet this morning. "(AP) NEW YORK - A $1 billion copyright infringement lawsuit challenging YouTube's ability to keep copyrighted material off its popular video-sharing site threatens how hundreds of millions of people exchange all kinds of information on the Internet, YouTube owner Google Inc. said.  Google's lawyers made the claim in papers filed in U.S. District Court in Manhattan as the company responded to Viacom Inc.'s latest lawsuit alleging that the Internet has led to "an explosion of copyright infringement" by YouTube and others.  The back-and-forth between the companies has intensified since Viacom brought its lawsuit last year, saying it was owed damages for the unauthorized viewing of its programming from MTV, Comedy Central and other networks, including such hits as "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.""  Suttle World has maintained for over 15 years that the protection of intellectual property is the greatest challenge that the internet will ever face.  To date, little progress, if any, has been made.

May 26, 2008

...Well over a million have had their lives taken while in military service to the United States of America---the ultimate citizen sacrifice that is honored today, Memorial Day.  From Lexington, Antietam, Normandy, and Iwo Jima  to the Asian continent and now Fallujah---more than a million have died to preserve the gentle surfer's ability to bump around in the manner it so chooses today.

...The return passage to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor yesterday afternoon proved remarkably uneventful.  Perhaps the benefactors of being in a light traffic window for the holiday weekend, combined with purported less travel for Memorial Day, explained a three hour roadie through the northern I-85 corridor (ATL - Greenville) that was as easy as Suttle World can ever recall---aided mightily be a notable absence of 18 wheelers.  

...(AP) DENVER - The Libertarian Party on Sunday picked former Republican Rep. Bob Barr to be its presidential candidate after six rounds of balloting."  In doing so, the party with more elected to office around the country than all other third parties combined, nominated a man with all the charisma of a dead flashlight battery.  Barr is a boring dolt, and Suttle World questions as to whether he knows why he's a new found Libertarian.  Barr immediately chose the Klingon ambassador from the planet Qo'noS as his running mate.

...Suttle World welcomes the first of a new generation in the King family with the birth of what would have been Martin and Coretta's first grandchild.  Arndrea Waters King (wife of Marty III) delivered daughter Yolanda Reneé King yesterday morning at the Northside Hospital Baby Factory (over 10,000/year!).

May 25, 2008

...(KOB-TV Albuquerque) A group in Santa Fe says the city is discriminating against them because they say that they're allergic to the wireless Internet signal. And now they want Wi-Fi banned from public buildings.   Arthur Firstenberg says he is highly sensitive to certain types of electric fields, including wireless Internet and cell phones.  "I get chest pain and it doesn't go away right away," he said."  Suttle World gets headaches that just won't go away, and believes it is FirstenbThis 1969 file photo shows comedians Dan Rowan, left, and Dick Martin, hosts of 'Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In' performing their fickle finger of fate award portion of the program. Dick Martin, the zany half of the comedy team whose 'Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In' took television by storm in the 1960s, making stars of Goldie Hawn and Lily Tomlin and creating such national catch-phrases as 'Sock it to me!' has died. He was 86. (AP Photo, File)erg and his ilk who are the culprits.  As a result, Suttle World is demanding that the group be banned from public buildings.  Problems solved.

...This time when he said "goodnight, Dick" he really meant it.  "(AP) LOS ANGELES - Dick Martin, the zany half of the comedy team whose "Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In" took television by storm in the 1960s, making stars of Goldie Hawn and Lily Tomlin and creating such national catch-phrases as "Sock it to me!" has died. He was 86."  For the gentle surfer who did not witness Laugh-In during its heyday of the late 60's, words will simply not suffice to put the program in a prospective that would allow the gentle surfer to get it.  Suttle World's brief encounters with re-runs is that of shows being chopped from an hour into 30 minute snips that completely ruin the timing and relevance that made for one of the most truly unique efforts the little box has ever made.

...Johns Hopkins upsets Duke yesterday afternoon at Gillette Stadium in Foxboro to make their 15th trip the the finals of the 37th NCAA lacrosse championship Monday.  Their opponent will be Syracuse that defeated Virginia in the first semi-final match yesterday.  Even if the gentle surfer is like Suttle World, in that it is unsure as to which end of a lacrosse stick to pick up, much like the Frozen Four, the annual Memorial Day championship game is well worth the viewing (1:00 ESPN).

...At $4.00/gallon, gasoline now consumes about 9% of personal income as compared to 13% thirty years ago.  Oh, and Suttle World is just curious, how's that Ford Explorer that will comfortably seat a small New England state working out for the gentle surfer?

...The Celtics take a 2-1 lead over the Pistons with a win in Detroit last night in their NBA eastern conference finals series.  Meanwhile across town, the Red Wings take a 1-0 lead in the Stanley Cup finals with a shutout of Pittsburgh.

..."(AP) MASON, Ohio - Robbie "Kaptain" Knievel, son of the late daredevil Evel Knievel, successfully jumped over 24 delivery trucks Saturday night at the site of one of his father's most famous stunts;" and nobody cares.  Suttle World would much rather witness Cap'n Crunch in a Texas Cage Death Match against the Soggies.

...This writing falls but a few hours short of the traditional call of "ladies and gentlemen start you go-carts," to mark the beginning of the Indy 500.  Enough!, cries the gentle surfer, but another 600 miles of left turn tedium will be "contested" tonight outside Charlotte when NECKCAR drivers will be ordered to "crank them there motors."

May 24, 2008

...Technical issues plagued yesterday's remote publication, and once righted, there was little time, nor cause, for any further updates.  Suffice to say the passage to the Suttle World western North Carolina HQ was uneventful, excepting a detour from an accident slowed I-85, 50 miles north of Atlanta, that allowed the travelers to explore back roads to avoid the congestion.  Suttle World can now leave this mortal coil peacefully knowing it has been in Homer, GA---a community with all the charm of tertiary syphilis.  Regardless, arrival was in the late afternoon, and followed by a lovely repast at one of neighboring Hendersonville's lovely eateries.

...Yesterday morning marked an opportunity to take in the vast majority of commerce offered by the 1,100 inhabitants of the village of Flat Rock.  Some junk, some finery and always cheerful folks up to and including the local bakery that puts out a lovely wood fired oven pizza among other goodies to be found in their stock of on site prepared breads and pastries.  Today marks the beginning of the grand annual Hendersonville Plant Show, and some 35,000 are expected this weekend in nearby Brevard for the White Squirrel Festival (yeah, they're really white---not like Johnny Winter white, more akin to polar squirrels). 

...The ongoing Suttle World project of an Anne Blythe mind meld would appear to finally be coming to fruition.  A single stroll around the nearby nine hole Highland Golf Club track required a mere 44 strokes (bogey golf for the par 35)---including a penalty stroke and a mere 16 putts in the process (including a hideous three putt display on #6).  The tally was aided mightily by a 100 yard pitching wedge to within two feet of the cup, and resultant tap in birdie on #7.  Suttle World is pleased, given a ball has not been teed for nearly a year prior to yesterday's expedition.

..."(AP) BEIJING - China's deadly earthquake may have saved the Beijing Olympics. Just a few weeks ago, International Olympic Committee President Jacques Rogge described the games as "in crisis." They were being battered by pro-Tibet protests, health concerns about Beijing's noxious pollution, and calls for boycotts tied to China's support for Sudan."  There's nothing like a disaster taking the lives of more than 55,000 to lift one out of "crisis" mode.

...Lakers win last night, and take a 2-0 lead over the defending champion Spurs as the series heads to San Antonio.  Boston and Detroit are tied at one game each, and the Stanley Cup Finals get underway this evening as Detroit hosts Pittsburgh.  Suttle World has watched more hockey than anticipated over the past month or so, but has yet to behold the wonder of Penguin Bing Crosby.  Suttle World doesn't deny the hype, it just hasn't witnessed it for itself.  Of course, every sport has its up and coming stars alongside veteran players.  That being said, Red Wings defenseman Chris Chelios won his first Cup in 1986 with Montreal.  Crosby was born in 1987.  A challenge to the gentle surfer:  can any name a championship series in which a player won a ring prior to the birth of an opponent?

May 23, 2008

...Timely and safe arrival at the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite HQ.  More update later.

May 22, 2008

...Thirty days now remain between this writing and the summer solstice, and Suttle World is of the opinion that weather wise, the spring of 2008 has been the most extended period of pleasant prevailing conditions as it can ever remember.  No doubt, it has been a violent season for many, including in and around stately Roberts/Suttle Manor, but the immediate environs have escaped any mishaps, and still enjoy cool mornings that give way to pleasantly warm afternoons which only recently have required any late day intervention in the form of store bought air to aid the upper levels of the Manor.  Meanwhile, "(Burlington Free Press)...people are likely to find snowfall near the peaks of Vermont's higher mountains this Memorial Day weekend, due to the snowy winter and some fresh flurries this week."

...Its an early getaway day for the older adult denizens of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor, as the elderly flee to the western North Carolina satellite headquarters for a much deserved long Memorial Day retreat.  The gentle surfer need not fear, as Suttle World shall carry on in its usual fashion via remote publication.

...Memo to Congress:  very sorry to hear the news about your colleague, Senator Kennedy.  That being said, please be advised that thou shall not win one(s) for the Gipper.  The unfortunate finding of an untreatable brain carcinoma does not make socialized medicine a better idea---as an singular example of the far left's agenda.

..."(AJC) A Braves fan has died after falling four floors from the stands at Turner Field during Wednesday night's Braves-Mets game, authorities said.  The Fulton County Medical Examiner's Office identified the man as Justin Hayes, 25, of Cumming. Hayes fell an estimated four levels inside the stadium to field level, striking concrete and metal railing, according to Atlanta Police spokesman Ron Campbell.  Hayes was reported to have been sliding on a handrail in the bottom of the 8th inning when he slipped off. He was rushed to Grady Memorial Hospital, where he was pronounced dead."  The local piece even does the heavy lifting for Suttle World, "Alcohol may have been involved, Campbell said."  This morning, Darwin rests more peacefully.

...In what may well be the most compelling story in the history of the sport---"BANGKOK (Reuters) - A referee in the Vietnamese soccer league has been suspended for four matches for awarding a goal and then changing his mind, local media reported."

...Early retiring gentle surfers are advised that Kobe and the Lakers stormed back from a 20 point 3rd quarter deficit, and won game 1 of the western conference finals 89-85 against the Spurs last night in Los Angeles.

...At this writing nearly 100 bowlers have signed up for the tour trials that begin next Tuesday at Stardust Bowl II in Merrillville, IN.  Only five will emerge from the six days of competitions with cards for the coming 2008-9 PBA Tour, and realize the dream of competing in such prestigious events as the Lumber Liquidators Earl Anthony Medford Classic or the Motel 6 Roll to Riches.

May 21, 2008

...It is with deep regret that Suttle World reports: "(AJC) Hamilton Jordan was the shrewd, sharp-witted son of Albany, the fun-loving fraternity brother at the University of Georgia and the precocious author of a plan to take the White House, written for a Plains farmer who stunned the nation and became the 39th president of the United States. At age 34, he served Jimmy Carter as one of the youngest White House chiefs of staff ever.  He also survived multiple bouts with cancer and wrote a best-seller about his fights to overcome them. He and his wife founded camps for children with cancer and juvenile diabetes.  Hamilton Jordan died Tuesday night at age 63, after a final battle with mesothelioma, a form of cancer.  He married Dorothy Henry, a pediatric nurse, in 1981. They founded Camp Sunshine, a Morgan County facility for children with cancer — unaware that Jordan himself would be stricken with a form of the disease in 1985. He and his wife also learned later that their daughter, Kathleen, had juvenile diabetes, and they founded Camp Kudzu for other children with the disease."  Jordan's battle with this mortal coil was one well fought.

..."(AP) Barack Obama is inching ever closer to locking up the Democratic presidential nomination despite another resounding loss to Hillary Clinton, this time in Kentucky.  Clinton beat Obama by 35 percentage points in Kentucky, after trouncing him by 41 percentage points in West Virginia last week, and has won five of the last seven primaries.  Once all the delegates were allocated from Tuesday's contests in Oregon and Kentucky, however, Obama was expected to be within 60 of the magic 2,026 needed to cinch the nomination. With 80 percent of the vote counted, he was winning Oregon by a 58-42 percent margin."  Again, the gentle surfer is advised to become accustomed to the term President McCain---both Benson and Satan are unelectable in a national contest.

...Props to the St. Christopher's baseball club on a very successful '08 season.  Suttle World Richmond correspondent, coach Jim Starnes, reports that after winning the fourth of their league's last five pennants, the Saints came up just short against nationally ranked Paul VI of Fairfax 4-3 in the Virginia state finals earlier this week.  And so the Saints campaign ends at a most respectable 21-5.

..."(AP) HARRISBURG, Pa. - An airline pilot was found hiding behind a shed wearing only flip-flops and a wristwatch as a nighttime romp in the woods with a flight attendant ended with both under arrest, police said.  Jeffrey Paul Bradford, 24, and Adrianna Grace Connor, 24, both employees of Pinnacle Airlines Inc., were at a diner on the outskirts of Harrisburg on Sunday night before they apparently decided to walk into the woods, police said."  Suttle World takes no umbrage, given the couple wasn't discovered in their compromising positions upon final approach in the cockpit.  Suttle World is well aware that this graph violates its own posted signage of: "NO SHOOTING FISH IN BARRELS," but compulsions are what they are.

...The Celtics take game one of the NBA eastern finals.  The west (Spurs/Lakers) starts tonight.  Detroit and Pittsburgh face off in the Stanley Cup finals that begin Saturday night in Motown.

May 20, 2008

...Suttle World extends major props to Dictators webmistress Karen for the 10:45 phone call last night that allowed the older adult denizens of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor to take in the last couple minutes of Manitoba's Wild Kingdom's short set to close out the seventh annual Joey Ramone Birthday Bash from the Fillmore/Irving Plaza in NYC.  Suttle World is not only grateful to Ms. Karen, but is now no longer simply hopeful of being thrown a bone before or after a foray to Spain later this summer.  Instead, in its capacity as President and co-Founder of the Hillbilly Dictators Jihad (another page desperately in need of a makeover), Suttle World now demands a Dictators performance in the US later this year!  The goyim demand it, and will succeed because what we may lack in SAT scores is more than compensated through the use of brute force, ignorance and emotional blackmail.

...In addition to primaries in Kentucky and Oregon, Tuesday also marks the second day of the last week of the 2007-8 academic year for rising senior nephew Ridge.

...Props to Red Sox port-sider Jon Lester who tossed the 256th no hitter in major league history last night against the Royals.  Lester allowed only two base runners (walks), pushing his record to 3-2 on the year.  Not exactly Bobo Holloman, but who is?

..."(Jerusalem Post) US President George W. Bush intends to attack Iran in the upcoming months, before the end of his term, Army Radio quoted officials in Jerusalem as saying Tuesday.  The official claimed that a senior member of the president's entourage said during a closed meeting that Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney were of the opinion that military action was called for."  Next up, Syria.

...Finally a road win, and not unexpectedly, from the defending champion Spurs, as they knock off New Orleans in game seven, and advance to the NBA western conference finals.  Detroit and Boston begin the eastern finals tonight.

...Dutifully reporting in is cuzin Matt who is kind enough to share more of his thoughts with the gentle surfer in the form of another brilliant installment of Bruner's Texas Takes          >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

May 19, 2008

...Suttle World extends its May 19 birthday greetings to Joey Ramone, Pete Townsend, Ho Chi Minh and cuzin Bill who each share the anniversary of their initiation to corporal punishment.  Regardless of the shin-dig thrown tonight in the former Saigon (or in and around Peachford Hospital), far and away today's biggest event will be played out this evening some 900 miles northeast of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor, as Manitoba's Wild Kingdom headlines the annual 2008 Joey Ramone Birthday Bash!  Others on the bill seem more attractive than past shows too.  Mary Weiss, Television's Richard Lloyd, regular Cheetah Chrome and the most impressive Charm School are among the gaggle that will take begin to take the stage at the Fillmore/Irving Plaza, hosted by professional world  taker over, Little Seven van Zandt.  Suttle World deeply regrets its inability to attend tonight's festivities (in NYC not HCMC), but the Suttle World Budget Office's (SWBO) memo pointing out the net cost to attend would amount to approximately $150 per head per song proved most telling.  A majority of The Dictators underground would appear to be of a similar mindset, and continue to hold out hope against hope that a domestic/NYC Dictators gig will be scheduled on the front or back end of a soon to be announced late summer foray to Spain.  Sold out, of course, tickets are to be had.  In fact, the gentle surfer wishing to make a last minute attendance may contact Suttle World as to potential sources of a ducat or two.

...As to the day's other dignitaries:  Townsend remains in the eye's of Suttle World to be the genre's greatest creative genius---a simple matter of personal taste, but seemingly worthy of mention.  Ho Chi Minh had one hell of a trail, and cuzin Bill joins the ranks of those being but a single year from AARP eligibility. 

...The gentle surfer could have, in fact, waited until the final two minutes of game seven between Cleveland and Boston yesterday, but would have cheated itself in doing so.  Truly compelling, great pro hoops---words not often seen on these here pages.

...Tough day again for the Senators (stat and schedule/record updates to come) who were swept by a very respectable Muckdawg ballclub yesterday, and fall to 2-4 on the year, heading into the Memorial Day break.  Opportunities abounded, but most often were cut short by Grandpa, the human double play machine, Suttle, who demonstrated all the base running skills of a mutated fruit fly.  Again, the bats have fallen silent, with the Senators now having played 36 innings without a home run to their credit.  Post season play is not assured in this expanded 2008 season for Wiffle Atlanta, making these big guys way overdue.

"WASHINGTON (AFP)---"We can't drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times ... and then just expect that other countries are going to say OK," Obama said."  And it is similar gaffes/comments in an even more keenly scrutinized post convention environment that are among the reasons that make Benson unelectable come November.

May 18, 2008

...Senator Edward M. Kennedy (D-MA) will be down for breakfast this morning.  "(AP) BOSTON - Out of immediate danger, Sen. Edward M. Kennedy remained hospitalized as doctors worked to determine what caused one of the nation's best-known senators to suffer a seizure in his Cape Cod home."  The Kopechne family was not immediately available for comment.  Sources close to Suttle World indicate the senior Senator from Massachusetts first alarmed family members at the Kennedy compound in Hiannisport when he began repeatedly mumbling: " I made immediate and repeated efforts to save Mary Jo by diving into the strong and murky current, but succeeded only in increasing my state of utter exhaustion and alarm. My conduct and conversations during the next several hours, to the extent that I can remember them, make no sense to me at all."  The murder thing and lifelong march to socialism notwithstanding, Suttle World, of course, wishes a full and speedy recovery to Senator Kennedy, who is doubtlessly among the greatest human one line generators in American history, and by the accounts of those on both sides of the aisle, a lot of fun to hang with.

...Big Brown Breezes---Suttle World made A's in headline writing BITD, when one performed such tasks where mathematics dictated the creative output, and the writer had to do the math first!  Regardless, for a second time in three weeks, Big Brown showed himself to be, far and away, the best of 2008's crop of three year olds yesterday, coming off a win in the Derby to capture the Preakness over a field of 12.  There was no sign of a bounce in the lightly worked colt's performance, leaving little doubt in the mind of any that dwell in a world where the sky is blue regarding his ability to go the mile and a half that will be demanded by the Belmont June 7.  Big Brown rewarded his backers, and paid an interesting $2.40, $2.60 and $2.40---interesting in that the "smart money" didn't notice the huge disparity in the place pool---a 30% return on investment in two minutes aint bad.

...Speaking of headlines, this is an honest to God AP banner for today: "Myanmar health system strained by cyclone"  Suttle World wonders if this is not akin to:  "Hole in Titanic proves problematic?"

...The Suttle World Senators stand 2-2 heading into week three of the 2008 Wiffle Atlanta season, and do so with the aid of a new and greatly improved team page (click logo).  There's still work to do on the bio front, and Suttle World awaits the transmission of digitally recoded pictorials of the '08 ballclub to post as well.  This afternoon, the home town heroes are scheduled to play a  twin bill against DeKalb Division rivals, the Muckdawgs.  First pitch is set for 1:00 at Glenlake Park-Decatur.  As of this writing, tickets were still available at the box office.  Today also marks the first promotion on the Wiffle Atlanta schedule---its Joey Ramone Day today, with the first 1,500 fans receiving a free Gabba-Gabba-Hey!

...Before the weekend gets away...So as to not disappoint the gentle surfer who may believe that Suttle World had forgotten or had a change of heart:  Only the suck quotient (SQ) of the designated hitter rule exceeds that of inter-league play.  The cute has long since faded, leaving a ridiculous regular season schedule.  Stop the madness!  Play REAL ball!  For the children!

May 17, 2008

...The oldest piece of hardware in the history of American sports will be handed out for the 133rd time this afternoon in Baltimore following the running of the Preakness Stakes that will once again be staged at Pimlico---a circumstance that is still in effect because of tradition as opposed to the now decades long, bush league condition of Maryland racing.  Suttle World has no regrets with its take that the Derby couldn't be seriously handicapped, and then the favorite (that never wins the Derby) goes out of the 20th post, and proves to be far and away the best horse in the stampede.  Big Brown finished strong, looking like an older horse in the heard of three year olds---amazingly, none of which seemed to get a bad trip.  Per usual:  the Preakness field is  much more manageable, with a dozen to be saddled for the 5:15 post (NBC).  Big Brown gets a most enviable #7 post position.  The gentle surfer is reminded that while Pimlico is a full fledged, big league, two turn track with a decent turf course, it isn't the biggest on the planet, and that in order to accommodate the Preakness distance of a mile and 3/16ths, the first two or three out of the gate must make a counter intuitive move out to get to the infamous (and overrated) Pimlico rail.  The morning line has Big  Brown as a truly prohibitive 1:2 favorite.  Suttle World fully expects Kent Desormeaux to be adorned with Black-eyed Susan in the winner's circle come 5:20 atop Big Brown, but Suttle World would only buy a ticket for souvenir reasons, as there's no value to be had in wagering on animals at 1:2.  Another little piece of Preakness trivia:  in addition to the Black-eyed Susan being the official flower of the Preakness, it is also the official drink that is composed of bourbon, vodka and orange juice---a cocktail that Suttle World suspects may well be the magical potion to cure alcoholism.  No thanks, I'm a Listerine man myself.

...Playoffs continue, and post season college baseball and lacrosse will pour through the coax of the gentle surfer all weekend along with the the above referenced race.  The ATL rundown of weekend TV sports listings is here for the clicking.

..."OTTAWA (Reuters) - A Canadian man who asked his lover to carve a heart-shaped symbol on his chest during a rough sex game almost died when she accidentally pressed too hard and punctured his heart, a newspaper said on Thursday."  Suttle World hates it when that happens.

...Legendary Jonathan Byrd posted his second 66 in as many days, and holds a three stroke lead at twelve under heading into today's third round of the AT&T Atlanta Classic at the TPC Sugarloaf.  Its a truly who's who? of a leaderboard.

May 16, 2008

..."(Suttle World May 14, 2008) Suttle World's cursory examination of the fall's congressional contests is beginning to look like a near landslide for Democrats."  Peggy Noonan doesn't give Suttle World any attribution, but that has become a state of affairs to which Suttle World is accustomed.  Credit notwithstanding, Noonan's column in today's Wall Street Journal does a somewhat better job of expanding on Suttle World's observation.

...For the record, Suttle World is not oblivious to the recent natural disasters of unspeakable proportions that have devastated large portions of the Asian continent over the past several weeks.  That being said, Suttle World is not going to bring in Ed McMahon, and roll the death toll tote board---leaving that task to other media organs.

..."(AP)...With a stroke of a pen Thursday, the Republican-dominated [California Supreme] court swept away decades of tradition and said there was no legally justifiable reason why the state should withhold the institution of marriage because of a couple's sexual orientation."  Suttle World congratulates the California high court on almost getting it right.  One more time using the verbiage from the story:  the institution of marriage is not the state's to hold or withhold.  In the mystical/spiritual aisle is a meeting of hearts and minds in the manner in which the blissfully to be wed couple (or a mother-in-law) decides, that requires no governmental assistance or intervention.  In the cold, hard light of day aisle we have marriage seen simply as a contract between consenting adults.  Here, in an allegedly "free society," government has no interest any more than the sale of a used car between individuals, excepting to provide a forum to resolve disputes regarding contracts.  Sign on the bottom line, and say "I do"---all in the comfort of a government free environment.  Suttle World sees no need for any further complexity.

..."(AP)" WASHINGTON - Sorry, Sen. Clinton. Michigan and Florida can't save your campaign. Interviews with those considering how to handle the two states' banished convention delegates found little interest in the former first lady's best-case scenario.  Her position, part of a formidable comeback challenge, is that all the delegates be seated in accordance with their disputed primaries.  And even if they were, it wouldn't erase Barack Obama's growing lead in delegates over Clinton."  Suttle World advises Satan's campaign to pay no attention to the reality standing behind the curtain, and press this fight forward to the convention, with a snide prime time speech, and the often mentioned Korean parliamentary fist fights on the floor.

...Drag out the dead horse, and beat accordingly, as this NBA season may well never end.  Three of four conference semi final series will or most likely will go a full seven games.  Such a state of affairs is more efficient on a one level:  the gentle surfer can now wait, and just tune into the last two minutes of game seven.

...Despite a daybreak start, it is amazing that the entire field of 165 finished the first round of the AT&T/Atlanta Classic yesterday.  Nearly two inches of rain fell in much of the metropolitan area, and should make for some tiny scores being posted today under perfect conditions with soggy greens---reminiscent of the old school Atlanta Classic, where 25 under was the average winning score at the old Atlanta Country Club---the former pitch and putt of the PGA tour.  Now the event is held at the TPC-Sugarloaf, and the most despised track on tour by bag toters (heap big shlep).

May 15, 2008

..."(Barre Montpelier Times-Argus)  EAST MONTPELIER — U-32 pitcher Julie Bigelow showcased the classic composure of a four-year ace on Tuesday, shrugging off Montpelier's seventh-inning rally to key a 12-10 softball victory.  Bigelow racked up 13 strikeouts and survived the red-hot batting of Montpelier pitcher Kaitlin Waring, who hit her second three-run homer of the game in the final inning.  Waring gave up six hits, recorded four strikeouts and issued seven walks. Montpelier's defense didn't help Waring's cause by committing two errors in the third inning and two more in the fifth, allowing U-32 to pile on five runs in each inning."  Phil Niekro meet Kaitlin Waring.  Kaitlin meet Phil.  What's a girl gotta do?  The loss drops the Solons to 2-6 on the season.  Suttle World extends its thanks to correspondent  Pops Waring for tip, and agrees that the ancients have no recollection of multi-homer game by a Waring.

...Suttle World's brief examination of the summer music scene reveals that almost every act worth the price of admission will be collecting said admission in Euros.  Such a state of affairs is certainly a good business move, but with gasoline at $3.60/gallon, neither Hajmobile I or II is efficient enough to make the journey.  That's not to say that the dance card is empty.  Denizens of the ATL can look forward to the Boston/Styx tour, the Hank Williams, Jr./Lynard Skynard foray and upcoming George Michaels show at Philips.  Make it stop, NOW!

..."(AJC)  Bernie Marcus says he's looking for more than a fish fan to be the next director of the Georgia Aquarium: He wants someone who understands business."  Bernie might also consider a director with enough sense not to cram whales into goldfish bowls, and then express shock and dismay that they died.

May 14, 2008

...Mountain Mama, a/k/a Satan, racks up a nearly 40 point win in wild, wonderful West Virginia yesterday, and promises to carry forth with her doomed presidential campaign so that she can, quite correctly, remind voters how unelectable Benson is in November.  Suttle World suggests the gentle surfer become accustomed to the term President McCain.  The only bet still available on the board is over/under $4.5 trillion for the federal budget by the time the first Uncle Ernie administration ends.  Meanwhile on Capitol Hill, things don't look as cheery for the grand old party.  Suttle World's cursory examination of the fall's congressional contests is beginning to look like a near landslide for Democrats.  If true, the tax cuts won't be extended, and the gentle surfers desperately searching for a recession will finally be able to find one.  One more time, with feeling:  "Oh, happy days are here again..."

..."(AP) TRENTON, N.J. - For the first time, it appears that more than half of all insured Americans are taking prescription medicines regularly for chronic health problems, a study shows.  The most widely used drugs are those to lower high blood pressure and cholesterol — problems often linked to heart disease, obesity and diabetes."  There boys and girls is the great American health care "crisis."  Not access, cost or insurance issues, but chronic, largely self-induced disease.

...Suttle World would get into the $300 BILLION "farm" bill (of which two-thirds is devoted to food stamps) that will be voted upon in the House today, but there seems little point.  Just put it on our $9.5-10 TRILLION tab.

...For the gentle surfer suffering from playoff fatigue, Suttle World comes to the rescue with a brief synopsis.  NBA---Detroit secures their position in the Eastern conference finals with a 4-1 series win over Orlando.  Of course, Boston and Cleveland are tied a two games each.  The winner will face the Pistons.  In the west, the Lakers and Utah are tied at two games a piece, while New Orleans (the Hornets not the Jazz) takes a 3-2 lead over defending champion San Antonio with a win last night.  NHL---Pittsburgh takes an insurmountable 3-0 lead over Philadelphia.  Detroit has the same lead over Dallas, and can dispense with the Stars for a trip to the Stanley Cup finals tonight.

..."(AJC) Gov. Sonny Perdue has led the opposition to Sunday package store sales of alcohol, but he decided Tuesday that beer at the ballpark on the Christian Sabbath is OK.  Perdue signed legislation to let Gwinnett County sell beer on Sundays at its new baseball stadium. He also signed legislation into law allowing Georgians to buy wine over the Internet.  The governor's opposition to Sunday alcohol sales at grocery and convenience stores has helped stall the issue the past two legislative sessions. Perdue likened allowing a vote on Sunday sales to letting Georgians decide whether to legalize prostitution."  Former Governor Slow Frank Harris would be proud.  Perdue did get one thing right, a referendum on legalizing prostitution would be ridiculous, because there is no rationale for prostitution to be illegal.  The gentle surfer may sell its wits, shoulders, arms, torso, legs, feet, etc... for pay---just not its genitalia.  Government on any level, has no business (nor authority under any understanding of natural law) to in any way limit contracts between consenting adults that do not violate another's right to life, liberty or property.  Ergo, the state has no interest as to whether the gentle surfer wants to knock back a six-pack of Schlitz with a ho on  a Sunday afternoon (or Tuesday morning for that matter).

May 13, 2008

...West Virginians, the face of Appalachia, who have been lifted from some of the nation's most destitute poverty by a litany of outrageously successful Democratic initiatives, will once again flock to the polls today in their presidential primary.  Satan wins by a margin approaching 20 points, and the shoeless will reinvigorate a campaign that remains on life support.

...The gentle surfer may stand by the pump today, and watch the dollars fly at $3.60+/gallon.  The operative word in the last sentence is stand, and of those motorists who cannot stand, few, if any, will be unable to do so because of infantile paralysis.  Such was not the case a little more than 50 years ago when over 20,000 cases of poliomyelitis were diagnosed annually. The last naturally occurring case of polio in the United States was in 1979.  Chances are the gentle surfer will also be able to curse the gas pump free of tuberculosis, small pox, measles, mumps, rubella, pertussis, tetanus, diphtheria, malaria and a host of other diseases.

...Once again coming to the rescue of today's update is another stellar installment of cuzin Matt Bruner's Texas Takes.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

May 12, 2008

...From the one man's ceiling... department:  "(AP) BISMARCK, N.D. - Four-dollar-a-gallon gas is good for business — if you run a bike shop.  Commuters around the country are dusting off their old two-wheelers — or buying new ones — to cope with rising fuel prices, bicycle dealers say.  "Everyone that comes in the shop is talking about the gas prices," said Barry Dahl, who opened Barry's Bikes in Bismarck in April. He sold more than 50 bicycles in the first month, double the projections in his business plan."  First quarter figures on rice cooker sales are not yet available.

...But its not all good news on the business page:  "NEW YORK (Reuters) - Adult entertainment publisher Playboy Enterprises, Inc. posted a quarterly loss on Tuesday because of weaker publishing and domestic television revenue and forecast more trouble during the year, pushing its shares down 8 percent.  The worse-than-expected results illustrate the trouble that Playboy and other publishers and television companies face as more people get their entertainment online, and often for free."  The news in this story is that Playboy is still around to have problems.  Christie Hefner took the reins of the dying empire over 15 years ago, and pulled the international icon out of an abyss Suttle World never believed was possible.

May 11, 2008

...As is now the long standing annual custom, Suttle World extends a happy day to all the mothers out there (who still know who they are) on this, the 100th anniversary of the "holiday," the roots of which are in Grafton, WV (you just can't make this stuff up).

...There is no joy in Decatur, but there is little shame either.  The Suttle World Senators inverted their opening day perfection---being swept by Wiffle Atlanta's best ballclub, and division rival, the Yellow Jackets yesterday afternoon.  If not for a very generous official scorer, Grandpa Suttle collected  a lone "hit"---keeping the Senators from going 0 for Saturday, who now stand  at 2-2 in the young campaign.  Cuzin Nathan made his first ever appearance as a Senator, and displayed remarkable defensive skills, as did nephew Ridge who made his first appearance of the '08 campaign.  A split next Sunday, and the Suttle World strategy of being .500 going into the Memorial Day break will come to fruition---allowing the schedule to begin to work to the home team's advantage.

...No need for LeBron and the Cavs to thank Suttle World for the wake up call.  Its all in a day's work.

...Props to Greg Maddux on win number 350 Saturday.  It most likely will be the last time the MLB milestone is ever reached.  

...The final round of the TPC gets underway in Ponte Vedra this afternoon.  A complete rundown of the ATL Sunday TV sports schedule is here for the clicking. 

May 10, 2008

...Suttle World extends its congratulations and best wishes to First Daughter I, Jenna Bush, her soon to be husband, Henry Hager, and their Secret Service detail for life on the couple's wedding this afternoon in Crawford, Texas.  Suttle World suspects that there's a good line to be had somewhere in this story, but instead of a stretch, Suttle World would like to thank Jenna for making this a mercifully private affair.

...Wiffle Ball is a simulation of baseball that makes for simulated adages.  Paraphrasing Earl Weaver, in Wiffle Ball, momentum is as good as next week's opposing pitching; and such is the case this afternoon as the 2-0 Suttle World Senators face off  against the always impressive Yellow Jackets.  First pitch is scheduled for 1:00 at Wiffle Atlanta's new digs:  Glenlake Park in Decatur.

..."(AP) NEW YORK - No constituency is more eager to see a woman win the presidency than America's feminists, yet — despite Hillary Clinton's historic candidacy — the women's movement finds itself wrenchingly divided over the Democratic race as it heads toward the finish."  A Suttle World survey of menists shows a vast majority of the group find the previously described state of the affairs to be most amusing. 

..."(AJC) A 24-year-old man shot and killed a teenage intruder Friday after the youth and some other juveniles tried to break into the his northwest Atlanta home, police said."  And who says there's never any good news to be found?

..."(AJC) A 22-year-old Atlanta man, distraught over not passing a high school equivalency test, committed suicide late Friday morning by jumping from the balcony of an 11th-floor apartment in Midtown, police said."  Sources close to Suttle World indicate that the jump may provide clues as to why dude didn't pass the GED.

May 9, 2008

...Country music legend Eddy Arnold got his wish yesterday, and made the world go away.  Arnold not only had 28 number one singles, he had more charting singles than any other artist.  The gentle surfer may want to re-read the preceding sentence.  He was 89, and died of being 89 years old.

...Would LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers please pick up he white courtesy phone?

..."(Variety) Comedy Central is reviving Chuck Barris' "The Gong Show," with comedian Dave Attell as host.  Cable net has ordered eight half-hour segs of the skein, which is set to premiere July 17."

..."(AP) WASHINGTON - Depression, teens and marijuana are a dangerous mix that can lead to dependency, mental illness or suicidal thoughts, according to a White House report being released Friday.  A teen who has been depressed at some point in the past year is more than twice as likely to have used marijuana as teens who have not reported being depressed — 25 percent compared with 12 percent, said the report by the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy."  Once again, the media reports on agenda driven "research" to make definitive statements about a chicken and egg situation.  Suttle World wonders if those conducting the study considered that depressed teens are more likely to smoke dope, as opposed to smoking dope causing depression?  Suttle World does not endorse, condone, or advocate the use of marijuana or any drug.  Suttle World also does not endorse, condone or advocate the use of idiotic "statistical analysis."

...Modern Marvels has outdone itself.  Suttle World did not think it was possible for the History Channel staple to top the "History of the Shovel," but it  managed to do so with the "History of the Brick" in previous seasons.  Now the coup d' Gras that aired Wednesday night:  "The History of the Pig."  Suttle World listened to the program unfold while preparing the evening repast for stately Roberts/Suttle Manor, and all was going well as the familiar narrator spoke of our porcine friends until the part about artificial insemination.  Suttle World believed it to be a logical progression, and was well aware that all forms of animal husbandry have used the process to make little chops, steaks and the like for many years.  A brief explanation of the procedure was discussed, and Suttle World believed it would end there, but NO!  In extolling the perks of being a super stud pig, Mr. Narrator gave a run down of the upscale, sanitary living conditions for the chosen boars, and then began to explain the extraction process.  Suttle World dared to peek around the refrigerator only to see the most disturbing image of a human hand encased in a latex glove performing a good old fashion pork pull---not the kind the gentle surfer has attended in the past with family and friends.  Porky was very much alive and very well as his human compatriot collected...  The gentle surfer gets the point.  Suttle World remains too disturbed to discuss the matter further, and may never look at a Boston butt in the same way as before.  "So, what do you do for a living Bob?" 

May 8, 2008

..."WASHINGTON - Her money drained and her options dwindling, a resolute Hillary Clinton vowed to press on with her presidential bid even as she and top advisers were hard-pressed to describe a realistic path for her to wrest the nomination from Barack Obama...Wednesday, aides disclosed that Clinton had lent her campaign $6.4 million since mid-April, on top of a separate $5 million loan in February. She contributed $5 million on April 11, $1 million on May 1 and $425,000 on May 5."  Memo to Satan:  you go girl!

..."(AJC) Insurance companies gained millions of reasons on Wednesday to offer high-deductible health insurance plans as Gov. Sonny Perdue signed legislation aimed at making the plans more affordable and more widely available."  On behalf of many gentle surfers, Suttle World would like to thank Governor Perdue for allowing Georgians to actually have some say so in their health insurance choices.  More market forces---what a concept!  Suttle World is hopeful that the next session of the General Assembly will enact legislation that will allow unsupervised visits to the little gentle surfer's room.

..."(AP) MYRTLE BEACH, S.C. - The Led Zeppelin classic "Whole Lotta Love" throbs from the 1,200-watt sound system as the slick silver and white roller coaster nears the top of its serpentine track.  Welcome to Hard Rock Park, America's newest theme park and the first major park built in the nation in a decade. Here the theme is not movies or fairy tales or water shows. It's that American invention, rock 'n' roll.  The $400 million park in the heart of South Carolina's $16 billion tourism industry had a soft opening in April that it called a "sound check." The grand opening is slated for June 2-3, with concerts by the Eagles and The Moody Blues. As has Led Zeppelin, both groups have lent their names to key attractions at the 55-acre park built around a lake dominated by 70-foot replica of a Les Paul guitar.  The Eagles' "Life in the Fast Lane" roller coaster spins through what appears to be an abandoned saw mill as the hit song plays. "Nights in White Satin, The Trip" winds through the dark amid psychedelic lights and images set to the 1960s Moody Blue's hit." STOP IT!  STOP IT NOW!  Memo to Hard Rock Park:  no need to hold a reservation for Suttle World.  Memo to Jimmy Page:  if you signed off on this, please report to Suttle World for 50 lashes---a very charitable sentence, adjudicated in the time it took to bang out this graph.

...AMF to Billy Knight, the soon be be deposed GM of the Atlanta Hawks.  Suttle World expected the firing/resignation, but is perplexed by the fact that Knight officially leaves as of July 1, or AFTER the draft in mid June.  Perhaps Pete Babcock will be brought in as a special consultant during the transition.

May 7, 2008

..."(Suttle World 05-06-08) Satan narrowly takes Indiana, and Benson cleans up in North Carolina with a victory that could approach 15 points. "  The final ballots have been tallied, and Satan wins Indiana 51-49%, while Benson breezes through the Tar Heel State with a 14 point win (56-42%).  Absent a boy or dead woman in bed scenario, Benson would seem to be the Democratic nominee to face off against Uncle Ernie in November.  That being said, Suttle World would like to thank the great right wing conspiracy for urging Satan to stay in the race all the way to the Denver convention in August.  Suttle World would also like to take this opportunity to remind both campaigns that America is entitled to watch Korean parliament like fist fights on the convention floor as a small token of payment for having to put up with this tedious affair through mid-May and beyond.

..."(LA Times) A bank employee inspecting a foreclosed house in Fontana stumbled upon a thriving business: more than 2,000 mature marijuana plants, part of a drug bust valued at $4.5 million."  Suttle World believes this adds to a growing body of evidence that much of the foreclosure "crisis" facing a small percentage of the US housing market is a function of natural selection.  SoCal or not, Suttle World is going to speculate that $4.5 million worth of weed would at least pay the arrearages on the note and allow the owner get ahead for a month or two.  Meanwhile, "(AP) WASHINGTON - A broad housing rescue package aimed at preventing foreclosures would have the government step in to insure up to $300 billion in new mortgages for struggling homeowners."  Again, Suttle World highly recommends The Origin of  Species.

...And they're off, again..."(AP) JACKSON, Ga. - A Georgia man who killed his live-in girlfriend was executed, the first inmate put to death since the U.S. Supreme Court upheld the constitutionality of lethal injections."  Meanwhile, the state of North Carolina dropped all charges against Levon Jones, and he was freed May 2, 2008 after spending 13 years on death row.  Jones is the 129th person to be released from death row to freedom since capital punishment was reinstated in the early 70s.

...The Stanley Cup Eastern Conference final is interesting in that it features two of the first six 1967 expansion teams that are still based in their original cities in Pennsylvania.  Beyond that there are few similarities---it may be an interesting matchup, but its no rivalry. The Flyers lead the series 129-76-31. The Flyers won the three previous playoff series against the Penguins in 1989, 1997 and 2000, overcoming a five-goal, eight-point game by Mario Lemieux (1989) and a five-overtime game in Pittsburgh (2000).   Dave Schultz is set to throw the first ceremonial  punch prior to the beginning of the 7 game set that gets underway in Pittsburgh Friday night in which the Penguins will get their revenge, en route to a Suttle World predicted final against Detroit.

May 6, 2008

..."YANGON, Myanmar - The death toll from the cyclone that battered Myanmar last weekend rose above 22,000 Tuesday."  The disaster is now being compared with the Southeast Asian tsunami of 2004 that claimed over 40,000 lives.  At this writing the ruling junta has begun to allow international relief organizations access to the area where residents' only warning of the impending disaster was gleaned from Voice of America and Radio Free Asia as opposed state run media.

...May 6, and the Democratic party will hold two primaries that actually count.  Satan narrowly takes Indiana, and Benson cleans up in North Carolina with a victory that could approach 15 points.  The gentle surfer is urged to join in the fun by opening its window, and screaming:  "I want Korean parliamentarian fist fights on the convention floor."

...The necessity of euthanizing Eight Belles after finishing second in last Saturday's Kentucky Derby, is, of course, a tragedy.  That being said, the gentle surfer should be advised that the fatality rate for horses competing in thoroughbred racing has not changes in the past 40 years----about 1.5/1000 horses.

May 5, 2008

...Being the epitome of southern hospitality, the Atlanta Hawks graciously brought a south Alabama ass whooping as a gift for the Celtics, that they adroitly unwrapped during the house party/"game" 7 that was hosted yesterday afternoon in Boston.  The Celts trounced the Hawks who finish the best and most promising season in both recent and long term memory.

...The condition of two young men seriously injured in a single vehicle crash reported yesterday is understood to be cautiously optimistic and improving.  From my very cursory understanding of the circumstances, a best case scenario would include a goodly amount of maxiofacillary surgery and rehab to return both to a near whole and recovered state.

..."(TribeAthletics.com) WILLIAMSBURG, Va. - The College of William and Mary’s 20th-ranked women’s lacrosse team had its impressive turnaround season come to a close in the Colonial Athletic Association Championship Game on Sunday afternoon at Albert-Daly Field. The Tribe, who won the league’s regular season title and the right to host the champion-ship, fell to No. 18-ranked Towson, 16-7."

"TEHRAN, Iran (AP) - Iran's top leader says his country will not bend to international pressure and give up its nuclear program, according to state television."  Suttle World believes the Israeli Air Force may be of a different opinion.

...People older than 85, those with severe trauma, which could include critical injuries from car crashes and shootings, severely burned patients older than 60, those with severe mental impairment, which could include advanced Alzheimer's disease, and those with a severe chronic disease, such as advanced heart failure, lung disease or poorly controlled diabetes will have their suck factor increased exponentially in the next influenza or other infectious disease pandemic that strikes the US.  Those groups were singled out to not be treated under emergency situations by a gathering of various health care experts in Chicago over the weekend.  The list also loosely parallels that of persons who won't receive any health care under a system of socialized medicine.

May 4, 2008

...It has been a most somber and sobering past 24 hours for each of us in this household.  Sparing what are still sketchy details, diagnoses and prognoses, in what is believed to be single vehicle rollover crash Friday night/early Saturday morning, a very good friend of Ridge was ejected from his vehicle, and is currently in intensive care at a metro medical center with head and other trauma.  Another passenger sustained serious head and neck injuries, and is also in intensive care at a level one trauma center.  It is a sad and anxious time that has deeply affected the lives of many.

...The box scores have yet to be tallied, but the final scores are in the book.  The Suttle World Senators open the 2008 Wiffle Atlanta campaign by sweeping a doubleheader against their DeKalb Division rival Pirates.  In contrast to yesterday's update, it was cuzin Neil who took the mound in game one, and collected 11 strike outs in route to his first win and shutout of the year, as the Senators prevailed 7-0.  The five spot in the top of the sixth/final frame helped, and marked the first Senators rally since before the oldest of the ancients can recall.  Even Grandpa Suttle chipped in.  Suttle World announces its official endorsement of the Coach Jim Starnes Correspondence School of Hitting.  Grandpa goes 6 for 9, scoring 4, and knocking in 3 from the leadoff slot.  In the nightcap, Commissioner Jordan pitched a gem for his Pirates, and collected his first dinger of the year to boot (along with teammate Marc, who also pitched much better than the first game score might indicate) to lead the Bucs into the bottom of the sixth with a 4-3 lead.  Beneficiaries of a few walks, the Senators man with the shutout win under his belt, cuzin Neil, relieved some offensive frustration with a game winning bases loaded walk off opposite field base hit.  Win, lose or draw, Opening Day for Wiffle Atlanta was a smashing success.  The new field at Glenlake Park is a hit, despite Suttle World remaining pissed at a certain tree limb that denied its first round tripper of the season.

...Favorites never win the Kentucky Derby, so Loaf Pincher..., check that, Big Brown is a ridiculous 5:2 favorite, starts from the 20th post position, and shows himself to be far and away the best horse in the huge field.  Props to Kent Desormeaux for his third Derby win, and a post race breakdown that ensured him a place in the TVG and occasional network booth.  2:01.82 is a curiously slow time, even with earlier rain that no doubt slowed the Churchill Downs course some.  On to Pimlico in a couple weeks.

...The Hawks and Celtics tip off the deciding game seven of their first round NBA playoff series this afternoon at 1:00 (ABC).  At this writing every online bookmaker checked has Boston as 14.5 point favorites, and nobody is offering a money line.  14.5 is tempting, but garbage time has always made Suttle World eschew spreads in basketball wagering without reasonable certainty about the winning team, and Suttle World is far from certain the Hawks are the winning team this afternoon.

May 3, 2008

...The Atlanta Hawks have forced a deciding game seven with the Celtics after a thrilling 103-100 win over Boston last night in front of the largest crowd ever assembled at Philips Arena for such an event.  The final game of the series is set for Boston Sunday afternoon.  If the unthinkable should happen, a Hawks win would most likely constitute the biggest upset in NBA playoff history. Same shekel different day---the Hawks were again +$350 on the money line, and paid a very hefty 7:2 to their backers again last night.  Game seven is currently off the board for all major on-line bookies.

...Opening Day of the Wiffle Atlanta 2008 season is set to begin this afternoon at 1:00 assuming the weather will cooperate long enough for the first doubleheaders of the year to be completed.  First up, the Suttle World Senators face off against their long time nemesis, the Pirates, in a battle of two of the league's original franchises.  Ace Blaine Milam will take the rock for the first game, and cuzin Neil, looking very sharp in his pre-season work, is set to start the nightcap.

...Suttle World is rather surprised to report that as of this writing there have been no scratches in this evening's Kentucky Derby/Stampede.  That status will mostly likely change as heavy rain is forecast to set in just before the 6:06 post time.  Yes, Suttle World and others that are in and about stately Roberts/Suttle Manor will gather around the state of the art high definition picture to behold the two minute spectacle.  It is hoped that the gentle surfer also enjoys the race, and is also strongly urged to back away slowly from the betting window.  A ridiculous field of 20 three year olds (the thoroughbred equivalent to really good prep school players---all things being equal, older horses always beat three year olds), running on a potentially sloppy track (a lot of the field having little experience on real dirt---running to date of synthetic surfaces), covering a distance (a mile and a quarter) that few have ever run before, or will after today, carrying as much weight (126 lbs.) as they will ever be asked to saddle makes this an impossible race to handicap.  If its action the gentle surfer needs, the lottery affords better betting opportunities as compared to most Derbys---especially those with 20 to be saddled.

May 2, 2008

...Heap Big Mitch is the 5:2 early morning line for 134th running of the Kentucky Derby Saturday in at Churchill Downs in Louisville.  20 three year olds will participate in the mile and a quarter stampede that will constitute this year's first jewel of the triple crown.

...The Atlanta Hawks face elimination this evening against the dreaded Boston Celtics, that hold a 3-2 lead in their first round NBA playoff series.  Memo to Mike Woodson:  do not sit Joe Johnson for 10 minutes in the first half with two fouls.  All hands on deck.

...Coming to the rescue of a duty shortened update this morning is cuzin Matt with yet another stellar installment of >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

May 1, 2008

...Suttle World extends its condolences to those hoping for a recession.  The Commerce Department reported very slow growth in first quarter GDP of .6%.  Full employment, with declining unemployment claims, 6% 30 year mortgages in a buyer's market:  these are a few of Suttle World's favorite things.  The gentle surfer that is determined to participate in a recession that isn't happening is advised to buy the maximum amount of rice Sam's Club will sell, cease making house payments and call a realtor to see if Ted Kaczynski's cabin is still on the market.

...Congratulations to nephew Ridge who began motoring about in the now once again functional 1988 Lincoln Town Car yesterday following numerous repairs to the get the small New England state sized auto on the road.  Suddenly $3.60/gallon gasoline doesn't look like such a bad deal.

...Let's see if Suttle World has this straight.  Satan/the world's smartest woman proposes a suspension of the 18.5¢ federal, and will "pay" for it with a "windfall profits" tax on the evil oil companies.  One more time (with feeling):  businesses do not pay taxes, only individuals.  So, if its a break even federal revenue situation Satan desires, the gentle surfer can count on about an  18.5¢ increase in the price of gas following the suspension of the gas tax.  The alternative would be reduced profits---over 70% of which are distributed to the American public in the form of teacher's pension plans, 401Ks and the like.  Over half of American households are invested in the stock market whether they know it or not.  Another point worth revisiting in this most awkward paragraph:  After tremendous capital outlays, oil is eventually sucked up deep out of the ground or ocean floor.  Then it is pumped onto very large boats that travel very long distances to a refinery.  From there the crude is refined, and crammed into a pipeline system.  Its unloaded from this infrastructure into truck that shleps it to the gentle surfer's neighborhood petrol purveyor, and the cost to the consumer is less than most bottled water collected from the tap of municipal water systems.

...The Celtics looked like the better team that they are in a 25 point dubbing of the Hawks in game five of their first round NBA playoff series last night.  Atlanta will attempt to force a deciding game seven Friday at a sold out Philips Arena.

SUTTLEWORLD 
               
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