Archives---May, 2007

May 30, 2007

...Tough night, eh?  Then the gentle surfer should compare its evening to that of Arthur De Mosh, a 45-year-old tour guide  in southern Israel who was awakened in the middle of the night by the sound of the leopard trying to eat his cat.  De Mosh saved the cat while subduing the leopard---all of which are reported in good condition at various species appropriate medical facilities.

...LeBron and the Cavs tie their conference final series 2-2 with a win last night over the Pistons.  Game 5 moves back to Detroit Thursday.

...Hugo Chavez squelches mass protests in the streets of Venezuela and shuts down the country's lone remaining dissident media organ, and the New York Times devotes as much space to covering the uprising as has Suttle World in this paragraph.  The "newspaper of record" is now officially in Mad Magazine territory.

...In the spirit of Ollie's Trolley:  just give up the sauce and nobody gets hurt. Ironically happening in Miami, the home of the Ollie Burger, a disgruntled customer shot a manager after arguing with a cashier about packets of chili sauce at a Wendy's restaurant drive-through.  Forget the Frosty and the whole family dies!

May 29, 2007

...The gentle surfer who has yet to make summer vacation plans, and who desires to get away from it all may wish to consider the Thunder Ranch in Monterrey, Mexico.  Complete with hot tubs, red imitation-leather beds, mirrored walls and striptease poles, the rooms are shuttered behind steel gates about 1.5 inches thick and some already have steel doors to help guests rest easy---oblivious to the 70 drug related murders that have been committed in the area so far this year.  Thunder Ranch charges 150 pesos ($13.80) for three hours or 400 pesos a night for a room. It also boasts a huge suite with a swimming pool, palm trees, a water slide, a sauna, pool tables and video screens.  Frito Bandito sold separately.

...Sixty years ago today, Bing Crosby recorded a little song called White Christmas, and then went home and beat his children.  Ironically, today would have been Bob Hope's 104th birthday.

...The Anaheim Ducks take a 1-0 lead over the Ottawa Senators in a Stanley Cup Final for the ages.

...Its official.  The Suttle World Senators have moved up this Sunday's game a day, and will face the Braves in a doubleheader Saturday, June 2, 1:00 at Ralph Kramden Yards in Wiffle Atlanta action.  The remainder of this week's schedule will be played as already listed to the best of Suttle World's knowledge.

...Many a gentle surfer will be disappointed that the freak show that is Cindy Sheehan has closed.  Sheehan has announced that she is giving up her role as an anti-war protester and going home--- presumably where she can resume her medication regime and live happily ever after. 

May 28, 2007

...Ladies, gentlemen and bi-sexuals, please give it up for the 2007 Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic Champion:  Moke.  In spite of spunky rounds being turned in by both Suttle World and Waring, Moke was relentless at Orchard Hills yesterday in Newnan---shooting a blistering 79 that shut down any notion of a charge.  And so it was an easy stroll down the back nine for the Mokeian One who finished with 122.5 points, besting second place finisher Bubs by 8.5.  Defending champion Champagne Gino posted a respectable 94 (accounting for lack of play, etc...), but finished third, 19 points off the lead.  Finally, the Admiral, Mr. Bill, represented incredibly well for a fellow who hadn't picked up a golf club since the end of the first POFGC two years ago.  Still, Bill shows up at the bottom of the leaderboard with 99 points.  The big day by the big guy feared by all other Invitees reared its ugly head Sunday, with Moke distancing himself from a distinguished field.  Jacket presentation pics to come.  Also, props to Chairman Moke for hosting the deluxe home edition of the POFGC.  A good time was had by all, and all wish cuzin Paul a successful outing today at Barre where he and IV tee it up just after 11:00.  Details on the 2008 event to come.

...Having duly reported the basic fact situation outlined above, Suttle World turns its attention towards today's holiday:  Memorial Day; and knows of no better way to highlight the ultimate sacrifice paid by men and women in service to this great country than once again quoting from Tom Brokaw from the Greatest Generation:  In it Brokaw recounts a story told to him by two veterans who had returned to Omaha Beach on the 50th anniversary of the Normandy invasion in 1995."...that hillside was loaded with mines, and a unit of sappers had gone first, to find where the mines where. A number of those guys were lying on the hillside, their legs shattered by the explosions. They'd shot themselves up with morphine and they were telling where it was now safe to step. They were about twenty-five yards apart, our guys, calmly telling us how to get up the hill. They were human markers." © Tom Brokaw, 1998.  

May 26, 2007

...History was set yesterday at the Mystery Valley Golf Club in the shadow of Stone Mountain.  The foursome that is the THIRD Annual Peachtree old fart golf classic took a collective 237 putts in yesterday's round---a new USGA record, previously set by the first Saturday pairing of the 1983 Special Olympics.  In spite of the dreadful use of the short stick by all Invitees, each comported themselves in a most respectable fashion, with current leader Moke who shows all the signs of putting up a put em away round.  Sitting in second, Bubs Waring said after the round that he was frustrated by his putter.  Defending Champion Suttle World stands in third place after the completion of day one, and was seen grumbling to inanimate objects regarding his putting and ball striking in general.  Meanwhile, Admiral Stockdale/Mr. Bill trails the field, but represented like a true POFGC invitee by playing in a most respectful manner.  No lines of old farts were observed yesterday mindlessly hiking the woods or lurking around hazards to find balls.  Today its Chairman's Choice as Moke points the group towards Dahlonega and the Nicklaus Golf Club at Birch River track that is said to be a real challenge---especially the tricky greens.  Oh happy day!   Finally, a shout out to all the nice folks at Mystery Valley.  Eerily quite for a Thursday afternoon preceding a holiday weekend, no old farts complained as they pretty much had the course, that is in superb condition, to themselves.

...In the nightcap, The Fleshtones were great.  The NYC band sounded good, acted wacky and sold every second of an 80-90 set last night at the E.A.R.L.---a nice room that Suttle World had never had the privilege of attending before last night's show.  Given the long day, a brief chat was made with Keith Streng, and then it was back to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor for a just before a 1:30 lights out.  Talented and fun, Suttle World got its $8 worth. 

...A quick perusal of the web by Suttle World reveals that that the planet has, quite appropriately, stopped spinning on its axis for the play of the THIRD Annual Peachtree old fart golf classic.  Nothing else of any great import would seem to be happening around the globe; and in that never ending human drama of sports, Suttle World finds game three of the NBA Western finals tonight as San Antonio travels to Utah with a 2-0 lead in their best of seven series.  The Eastern finals resume Sunday afternoon.  NCAA lacrosse championship semi-final doubleheader starts at noon on ESPN. The Braves trail the Mets by 2.5 games again after a Friday loss to the Phillies.  Braves/Phillies this afternoon (3:30) on Fox.  The complete ATL Saturday  TV sports lineup is here.

...Let the farting of the old continue!

SUTTLE WORLD EXTRA - May 24, 2007

...Late update due to logistics, but now this late breaking story:  results from the first round of the THIRD Annual Peachtree old fart golf classic.    Click here for leaderboard

...The Champion's Dinner was very much befitting a defending Champion of
the Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic (cut and paste POFGC text from
previous days for font and link).  The defending Champion, Suttle World
was the early arrival at Moke Estates where after some difficult
clearing security, made his way to the Melton Cabin ti begin the
festivities.  Mr. Bill and Waring, III arrived within 15 minutes of one
another shortly after 6:00.  And so began an evening of abject
debauchery.  First stop was the pick up parking space at the nearby
Longhorn that catered last night's affair in a magnificent fashion.
And the fun just kept on rolling like the tunes kept on playing.
Suttle World would like to extend a special thanks to Amber and Bambi
for a splendid performance.  Suttle World found the tasteful use of the
goat to be a real bold statement.  General props to this year's Chairman
Moke for the run of the estate, staging last night's big fun and for the
lovely arrival gifts.  It takes a real friend for a Georgia
idiot....errr...fan to actually buy two Tech golf towels as Moke did
for cuzins Bill and Paul,  Suttle World has an equally impressive
Carolina towel to match.

...And so play is set to begin this afternoon for the (insert here) with
a 1:06 tee time scheduled for the hard core BITD nostalgic look back at
30+ years of play at the DeKalb County track that is one of the best
deals in the country, given its superb condition.  Alas the fragrance
of chicken shit and crowing off the tee box at #6 is long gone, but
many a memory is yet to be recalled as the old dudes head into round
one on a track with which all are familiar.  Again, Suttle World will
make every attempt to keep results updated ASAP.

...One more time---with feeling, as students begin that last day of the
2006-7 school year today in most ATL jurisdictions, including both
DeKalb (home of Suttle World Headquarters, stately Roberts/Suttle Manor
and matriculating junior (to be) nephew Ridge.  Suttle World well
appreciates the joy that comes with this Christmas like experience, but
also finds it disappoint that education remains in such a state that
everyone wants the hell out as soon as possible.

...Props to John Smoltz for turning in  a Hall of Fame performance last
night, scattering 7 hits in as many innings of shut out baseball to win
his 200th career victory while beating former teammate Tome Glavine and
picking up yet another crucial game on the first place Mets.  Baseball
doesn't get much better than that in May.

...Second verse same as the first as Detroit takes a 2-0 lead over
Cleveland by the same 79-76 score as game one.  Games three and four
move to Cleveland much like the western final heads to Utah with he
Jazz trailing the Spurs be the same 2-0 margin.  One the ice, Lord
Stanley and his cup are taking a break until Monday night when Ottawa
travels Anaheim.  Not exactly compelling.

...And one last sports note, as Invitee Bubs Waring with a quick surf,
reports that Kaitlin Waring collected four big Cat RBIs yesterday as
the Lady Solons defeated the Marauders of Northfield in the final game
of the regular season.  Playoffs up next.

...Finally props to the world's greatest wife, Yolanda, for her ever so
kind facilitation of today's update.  Suttle World greatly anticipates
our date tonight with the Fleshtones.

May 24, 2007

...And so comes the day for the much anticipated Champion's Dinner that precedes a three day, 72 hole, "golf" event that is the THIRD Annual Peachtree old fart golf classic.  Suttle World will make every effort to provide the gentle surfer with an inside the ropes perspective as the Memorial Day weekend tournament progresses.

...When for the first time ever Suttle World heard the name Stupak, and saw a dashing Congressman on the television yesterday afternoon, it assumed dude was pimping his political action committee for idiots.  Turns out to be pretty close---its just that the Democrat from MI is appropriately named Stupak and the only folks dumber than the rep are the Michiganders that voted for him.  Memo to Congressman Stupak:  your acceptance letter to the Suttle School of Economics is in the mail.  Please be on time for the orientation.

...Watson, our suspect is rather dim witted old white man who lives in the state of Georgia.  "Good God Holmes, how could you possibly know?"  Elementary, my dear Watson.  Elementary judging from the the freakin clay footprints leading from the scene of this crime/update to the various gardens where the sprinklers are now running.  Very unbecoming for the defending Champion to be on his hands and knees scrubbing carpet on the eve of the defense of his title, but given other duties that are performed in a similar posture, perhaps it could be worse.

...Early Memorial Day weekend reminders:  although it took beating Carolina to advance, the Duke lacrosse team is the top seed in this weekend's NCAA championship.  The semi final doubleheader starts at noon Saturday (ESPN) with perennial Johns Hopkins taking on Delaware, followed by the nightcap of Duke v. Cornell.  The championship game is Monday afternoon on ESPN and well worth the watching, even if like Suttle World, its the only lacrosse the gentle surfer views in any given year.  Also on tap for tomorrow night are The Fleshtones at the E.A.R.L.  A Suttle World highly recommended show, especially at $8.  Awful band starts around 10:00 with the headliner up at or before midnight.

...Most noteworthy is tonight's Braves game as John Smoltz faces Tom Glavine and the Mets a the Ted for the third time this season with Smoltz gunning for the 200th win of his career (7:30 TBS).

May 23, 2007

...Sources close to the hostage negotiations tell Suttle World that talks are going as well as could be expected, and that there was every reason to believe a release of the students currently being held by the DeKalb County School System would be affected by Friday at the latest.  It has only recently occurred to Suttle World that the 30th anniversary of its release from the local gulag came to be.  And speaking of graduation---just around the corner:  another scam from the wedding, baby shower and Nigerian credit card aisle.  Suttle World long ago solved this annoyance of life by picking up a hell of a deal on a pallet of "scratch and dent" toasters that are now neatly arranged in a closet in the east wing of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.  Suttle World sees an engraved envelope of invitation/protection racket threat in the mail box, and Suttle World lumbers to the closet for yet another toaster. No muss.  No fuss.

...Speaking of sources, some are more reliable than others, and it was without any real degree of confidence that Suttle World went to publiish yesterday morning, making no mention of a recent law enforcement incident in the general vicinity of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.  Sources inside the Manor confirmed that there was a high level of police activity in and around the Stanford Oaks Apartments Monday evening---blocking traffic about a mile away.  Initial rumors had one dead and a gunman on the loose.  A more sober report, that Suttle World is still unable to collaborate, indicates that what was involved was a short hostage situation, in which no one was shot; and all ending as well as such tawdry "as seen on Cops" incidents can be expected.  Recently stepped up law and code enforcement brought to bear upon a few less than picturesque portions of lovely Tucker have been greatly appreciated.

...Everyone's pissed about the price of gas, right?  By Suttle World's count there have now been three or four "debates"/joint news conferences held by the major parties and not a single question regarding gasoline prices has been raised, nor mentioned in an answer by any of the multitudinous candidates.  Suttle World highly recommends that those calling for government intervention restrict their suggestions to gas tax reductions, and allow the market to work this out.  Latest national average of regular unleaded = $3.22/gal---about 10-15¢ less in and around the ATL.

...We're number 3!  We're number 3!  Defying the history of the not so storied organization, the Atlanta Hawks drew the third pick in the upcoming June NBA draft in last night's lottery.  That gives the Hawks the 3rd and 11th picks in the first round.  Perhaps the franchise will depart from past form and actually pick a couple players that will propel the lowly franchise to greatness.  After 30 years in Atlanta, a return to respectability isn't enough.  Not exactly the Cubs here, but its long past time for a ring ceremony, or at least get to a finals.

...Memorial Day approaches, and with it the unofficial beginning of summer.  Its a long weekend, but no longer for anyone more than Darwin who never gets the credit he so richly deserves as one, via the local media, shakes one's head ruefully at various boating and similar fatal accidents in which "authorities are investigating as to whether alcohol was a factor."

...Suttle World seems to recall from its long ago childhood that a big go cart race was held every Memorial Day weekend in Indianapolis, but can't find any indication that the event still takes place.  Just as well, as no one cared BITD either.  That is excepting exactly 40 years ago when dearly departed father of Suttle World rode in the pace car (along with Peter Lupus of Mission Impossible fame---perhaps second only to Jack La Lanne as a trailblazer in the body builder to show biz career track, e.g. Ferrigno, Arnold, et al).

...Jet setting rodents are all atwitter this morning at results of research that adult male hamsters given Viagra recovered from jet lag up to 50 percent faster than hamsters that were not given it.  And this just after the Concord was moth balled.

...Its official, invitee and 2006 host and chairman cuzin Paul will arrive in the ATL Thursday evening from Monroe, LA in time for the Champion's Dinner Thursday night as the THIRD Annual Peachtree old fart golf classic gets underway.

May 22, 2007

...And so their lot was one for which each man has unspeakable and tremendous fear---waiting.  Nephew Ridge awakes this morning to the full realization that there are yet another four agonizing days remaining in the "academic" year.  Meanwhile Suttle World suffers in silence with only three days left before it begins its title defense in the THIRD Annual Peachtree old fart golf classic.  But let not the gentle surfer's and/or other invitees' hearts be troubled, the left hip trauma sustained by Suttle World's cartoonesque fall on the ass while shlepping gear down the 60° grade, 15 foot decline leading to Ralph Kramden Yards Sunday is really feeling much better, and the general soreness created by pitching two very long innings is easing as well.  Now the "crick" running laterally along the left medial portion of the neck of which Suttle World was unaware until casually swinging a club in the front yard last week, has exacerbated so as to make driving in a NECKCAR event to be most uncomfortable.  And while Suttle World would enjoy the ability to turn its head to the left without excruciating pain, the upside is that Suttle World's infamous Linda Blair impression is probably off the entertainment bill for the Champion's Dinner Thursday evening.  Memo to the Chairman:  dig out those "EXTRA STRENGTH" Tylenol you have indicated never having taken.  The FDA and DEA need not be concerned, given the presence of Admiral Stockdale and his incumbent authority to both marry couples aboard ship and prescribe pain meds in the absence of an attending physician.

...The outdoor environs of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor this morning are akin to the aroma of a dashboard fire in a '69 Rambler.  Local media outlets indicate that it is smoke from south Georgia (and now northern Florida) wildfires that have been in some degree of combustion for over a month.  The smoky haze is scheduled to lift by mid-morning, but is most unpleasant in the interim.  Memo to south Georgia:  there's an outdoor burning ban in effect!

...AP - "British prosecutors will ask Russia to extradite businessman Andrei Lugovoi to face a charge of murder in the poisoning death of former Soviet agent Alexander Litvinenko, officials said Tuesday."  This should prove most interesting.  Suttle World suggests that any in the west who take Putin seriously are very misguided.  Despite a demeanor that may be leaning towards the contrary/old school bullshit, there is no putting the toothpaste back into the tube.

...Bottom line:  if Michael Vick were the same color as Bret Favre there would be fewer headlines and less sports talk air time devoted to the matter at hand.  On a personal level, Suttle World has no feel for Vick, and really only cares to see him in a situation that allows him to fully utilize his very unique talents between the lines.  The only caveat is that if by chance Vick is found to have been involved in or knowingly allowed/looked the other way on dog fighting, Suttle World grants admonition to any gentle surfer who may wish to take a baseball bat upside Mike's head.  Suttle World is an equal opportunity beat down advocate when domestic animal cruelty is involved.

...Reuters headline:  "Woman Still Likes Gorilla Despite Attack."  Insert joke here

...Tim Duncan may well be the greatest boring player in the history of sports.  Tom Kite is on the list.  To make the cut, you gotta be really great/Hall of Famer and ya gotta be really boring/Mrs. Ray (or was it Wary?).  Additions to the list are solicited here.  Meanwhile the Spurs and Piston win the first games of their Conference Final series over Utah and Cleveland, respectively.  On the ice, the Red Wings must win on the road tonight to keep their season alive.  Otherwise its a Senators/Ducks Stanley Cup Final.

May 21, 2007 

...The Suttle World Senators (no bother to click---its sadly behind the times) let one get away in the nightcap of yesterday's doubleheader versus Charlie Hustle, and had to settle for a split in Wiffle Atlanta action (the updated, Faster and Louder league site).  Twas Grandpa that killed the Senators.  Seemed like a good idea at the time---Suttle World starting the second game with cuzin Neil waiting in the bullpen to come to the rescue.  Unfortunately 911 was not called until the second inning was completed and 11 runs had crossed the plate.  Suttle World expects to give up a few runs any time it takes the mound, making dribblers up the first base line, Texas Leaguers and the sort that slowly rolled or looped their way around yesterday that much more unacceptable.  Props to nephew Ridge who collected his first two dingers of the season, highlighting a very productive day a the plate.

...Suttle World is so old that when reading the headline "Sly fined for importing restricted drugs," its first thoughts are of the Family Stone, not Rocky.

...Our friends at Reuters indicate that:  "Chocolate maker Mars apologized on Sunday for a decision to use animal products in chocolate bars and said in the future its candy would be suitable for vegetarians."  Suttle World doesn't want to know.

...Now this is news.  To the best of Suttle World's knowledge, John Edwards has not proposed a new multi billion dollar spending project in the past several days.

...  Updates, including player bios, have or are in the process of being made to the new page of The THIRD Annual Peachtree old fart golf classic that cranks up Thursday evening with the Champion's Dinner.  The Schedule has been set with the Round I, Friday May 25 @ Mystery Valley; Saturday at the Nicklaus Golf Club at Birch River (site down at this writing); and Sunday at Orchard Hills Golf Course in Newnan, GA.  All tee times are set at around 1:00.

...It obviously pretty hard going around Suttle World this morning.  Suttle World hates to play the wildcard so early, but will do so by filling what could be charitably termed an uncluttered update with yet another stellar essay, fresh from cuzin Matt Bruner and his mort recent edition of   >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

May 20, 2007

...Baseball ruminations:  every ball club runs into a little slump on occasion, except the Mets which is unfortunate given they share the NL East with the Braves who perhaps righted the ship with a big 14-0 shutout win last night against the Red Sox to split a rain delayed day-night doubleheader at Fenway.  John Smoltz is one win away from 200, and Tom Glavine is two good months away from number 300---now sitting on 295.  How great would Roger Clemens getting lit up like a Saturday night in Glasgow be in his over hyped return next week?  Braves and Sox finish their idiotic inter-league series this afternoon at 2:05 (TBS).  Kerry Wood is scheduled to throw a baseball today for the first time in over two months.  Another Bill Walton of his era and sport.  Sunday ATL TV sports schedule here.

...On the smaller diamond, specifically Ralph Kramden Yards, the Suttle World Senators (the greatest 4-4 Wiffle Ball team on the planet) have a double dip scheduled this afternoon versus Charlie Hustle in Wiffle Atlanta action.  First pitch is scheduled for 2:00.  Grandpa Suttle is of the hope that game situations will allow grandpa to act in a manner much like the aforementioned Kerry Wood.  Though the individual parties involved have been contacted directly, judicial notice is served to the world that the Senators will not be available for play next weekend, and that the Senators are most desirous of moving the now scheduled doubleheader with the Braves on Sun., June 3 up to Sat., June 2.  Affected teams please contact the Senators at your earliest convenience.

...The gentle surfer will note the addition of the The THIRD Annual Peachtree old fart golf classic page to Suttle World.  The festivities begin this Thursday evening in the Melton Cabin on Moke Estates, to whom defending Champion Suttle World has already forwarded a menu request.  Look for more details as the week progresses.

..."...one study reporting as many as 70 percent of undergraduates admit at least one instance of cheating," or so says a portion of an AP story on cheating in higher education.  Seems only fair to Suttle World given that academia has been on the thieving end of that bargain for centuries.  Memo to the children:  uncle Suttle World does not in any way condone academic dishonesty.  Now go ask daddy about his chemistry final.

...Though most uncharacteristic of Suttle World regarding such matters with regard to inclination and appropriation..., but after over a week---its a "new" car!  That's right, Bob.  Its the sporty 2007 Toyota Corolla with most of the standard bells and whistles, a spiffy five speed and 17k miles.  It was a steal, and proving to be a vastly improved sled over the stylish 1990 Lumina that at this time is no doubt in the process of gradually meeting Jesus.

...Remarkable pleasantly cool evenings in and about stately Roberts/Suttle Manor over the past week.  It is indeed a wonder to behold, as all are aware that the oppressive climate that is a southeastern summer is nearing with its sweltering vengeance.  Memo to Al Gore:  if you want to help the environment, do something about summer; then tornados and hurricanes.  Contact Suttle World upon completion.  Instructions on sticking your head up you ass and jumping to follow.

May 19, 2007

...Having now turned away several overly eager students in the misty pre dawn hours at the gates of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor, the gentle surfer is advised that the cranking up an institution of higher learning is a process that requires at least three weeks---there're  $4 million football coaches and overpaid, tenured faculty to hire, a Bullshit Fee Committee to assemble, ivy to plant on walls, Toga fitting sessions, etc... Consequently the gentle surfer should not expect the Suttle School of Economics to open prior to the first week of June at the very earliest.

...AP "AMSTERDAM, Netherlands - A 400-pound gorilla escaped from his enclosure and ran amok in a Rotterdam zoo Friday, biting one woman, dragging her around, and causing panic among dozens of visitors before he was finally subdued."  Insert joke here.

...Belated take, but Suttle World doesn't read much if anything into the premature departure of Tony Blair.  He's had made it very clear for quite some time that he would not seek to continue as PM, and would be stepping down this year anyway.  The state of internal politics both here and the UK and the whole Anglo-American alliance in Iraq aside (stipulated---a big honkin' aside), Blair's early departure does not seem to have any great meaning symbolic or real.  Our brothers and sisters across the pond, much like here, grow weary of leaders after a while, be they good, bad or indifferent performers.  Blair's had a pretty good 10 year run, and the Brits are tired of him.  Need to gentle surfer be reminded that it was this country who turned Churchill out of office in 1945!  Judicial notice is served that an American electorate elected and returned Bill Clinton to office, so there's no shortage of misguided voters in either nation.

...Suttle World has already eulogized Jerry Falwell, including a very much couched "atta boy" for a lot of the good accomplished by his ministry over the years.  That being said, the cycle is in first gear when planting the right reverend is "news."  Upon last report to Suttle World HQ, western civilization was still up and running today in spite of all that darn debauchery being debauched without Falwell around to wave his finger.  Word on the street has it that Bill Bennett was so overcome by the news of Falwell's death that he "just had to step away from the slots.  Just had to step away." As the inspirational cartoon character, Dan Rather, would say:  "Courage."  

...Given a general lack of interest in the NBA, Suttle World was completely unaware of ESPN's Greg Anthony until catching him being interviewed on radio as Suttle World showered a couple days back (at least once a week, whether Suttle World needs it or not).  Sure, Suttle World vaguely remembers the name and the UNLV and journeyman 10-12 year NBA resume.  Dude is brilliant, as in Suttle World wants to vote for Anthony for president smart.  Articulate, quietly passionate, very quick on his feet.  This guy is da bomb.  Suttle World checked Anthony's bio on ESPN and also learned that while at UNLV old Greg was national vice chairman for the Young Republicans from 1989-91.

...The Yankees and Mets were able to get the first of their idiotic subway series completed yesterday (Mets win 3-2) in spite of the violent weather that postponed the Braves and Red Sox in Boston.  Cool pic shows a big honkin' strike on the Empire State Building yesterday. A statement released by building management said that no damage was done by the hit that did pack a bigger wallop than the average 100 strikes the building takes in any given year.  Has Suttle World mentioned that inter-league play cannot suck enough?

...Work is continuing  on a page for next week's third annual Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic.  Updates could happen at a moments notice.

...Post time for the Preakness is officially set for 6:04.  As is typical for the second Triple Crown race, the field has narrowed considerably---down to nine as opposed to the cattle drive of 20 that started the Derby (entries & morning line here).  Suttle World liked Circular Quay in the Derby and sees no reason not to like him again this evening, excepting that two other horses in today's race kicked his ass two weeks ago.  But at 8:1 there could be an exacta worth playing.  Prep race coverage starts on ESPN at 2:00.  A complete Atlanta Sports TV listing is here.

...Everybody's favorites Ryuji Imada and Troy Matteson share a one stroke lead at -10 over D.J. Brigman, and DJ's Army, after two rounds of play at the AT&T Classic---this week's PGA tour stop in the ATL.

May 18, 2007

...Suttle World would like to extend its belated thanks to all that participated in the great gas boycott of May 15.  Through your solidarity of deferring the purchase of unleaded, you changed the entire dynamic of the worldwide oil and petroleum products market, and Suttle World was most pleased to see prices back to the 48¢/gallon level where everyone knows they damn well should be.  As though running the global media organ that is Suttle World isn't enough, it is becoming obvious that yet another full time job is on the horizon:  The Suttle School of Economics.  If the gentle surfer cannot explain the concept of the relative elasticity of demand in a simple single sentence, be advised to have your #2 pencils sharpened, new three ring binders at the ready, and be prepared to have your woeful ignorance vanquished.

...Fast forward one week, and old farts will have started grunting, scratching and belching their way towards to the first tee for the third annual Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic.  This year's event, hosted by the best invitee to never win a major, cuzin Moke, is being played in and around the ATL May 25-28---with the event moving to late spring for the first time as opposed to late summer as has been the case in 2005-6.  Defending champion Suttle World, despite having played only 45 holes since the last strokes were suffered at Green Mountain National in VT last August, is being allowed a handicap of 3 strokes, a roll of Certs and made to carry a 45 lb backpack during play in this year's event.  Suttle World may question the equity, but can rest assured that the term sandbagger will not be used in its presence excepting to describe the aforementioned 45 lb backpack.  More to come on one of the greatest spectacles/train wrecks in American sport.

...Speaking of American sports spectacles, the second jewel in the Triple Crown will be decided in Baltimore tomorrow in with the 131st running of the mile and 3/16ths Preakness.  Derby winner Street Sense is a morning line 7:2 favorite in a field of eight.  Suttle World doesn't anticipate any time for studying charts and graphs, especially since finding a wagering window is somewhat difficult during this time when government is supervising our allowances as well as is currently the case.  Speaking of Pimlico, its been almost 25 years to the day since long shot Batna, with Lisa Ruch aboard, won the Black Eyed Susan---allowing pops Waring and Suttle World to cash a $200+ exacta ticket.  For perspective, $200 was worth 33.3 cases of Shaffer from Giant Food in those ancient times.

...Not exactly the injustice of the Dred Scott decision, and without going into the histrionics, World Bank President Paul Wolfowitz got screwed (and not just by his gal pal employed by the organization that he disclosed before taking the position from which he was fired).

...78-year-old Bo Diddley was up and bumping around his intensive care room at Creighton University Medical Center in Omaha after suffering a stroke Saturday.  Suttle World has had the pleasure of seeing Diddley, and would very much like to repeat the experience.   Consequently, Suttle World sends its cyber healing powers to the geezer so he can get back on the road.  The gentle surfer is reminded that The Clash postponed their very much anticipated first North American tour (circa 1980) by over a year until Bo could be booked as their warm up act.

...The Sabres have forestalled a sweep and the Ducks have somehow managed to even their conference final series with Detroit as the Stanley Cup playoffs continue.  Could actually be an entertaining final, if the gentle surfer can find it on their television.

...Nephew Ridge is pleased to report that when the final bell rings this afternoon at Tucker High School, only one exceptionally long week will remain in the 2006-7 "academic" year.

May 17, 2007

...HUGE NEWS!  From the mailbag comes an always welcome shout out from cuzin Rob in WI who in the course of running down his summer music list, mentioned an appearance by Radio Birdman in Madison in July.  A quick check by Suttle World reveals that on Thursday, June 28 at The E.A.R.L.---Radio Birdman!  Yes, the geezers from down under will make a rare Atlanta appearance.  

...In other big summer music news, word on the street has Todd Rundgren hooking up with Paul Rodgers and Skip Spence for the New Moby Grape reunion tour.

...Yolanda King carried the torch in a manner that would have made dad proud.  Her premature death yesterday at 51 in California is a great loss to Atlanta, the nation and the tattered King legacy.  Ms. King was a class act, and her brilliant thoughtful and strong leadership will be sorely missed.

...From the hard hitting world of big time journalism comes this expose from our friends at Reuters who have uncovered that:  "Most U.S. firms do in fact give employees vacations, but the lack of government guarantees means one in four private-sector workers do not get paid leave, said researchers for the Center for Economic and Policy Research, a Washington think tank."  This is an outrage which Suttle World will not tolerate---summoning the powers of the Imperial Federal Government to right this incredible injustice in the form of government mandated 3 weeks vacation and 7 sick days for every employee each year.  Of course, politics is the art of compromise, so some accommodation will have to be made for evil business.  Suttle World proposes that employers be allowed three times in a calendar year in which they are given a vacation from making sure paychecks clear.  Need Suttle World remind the gentle surfer that getting any gig is a private contract between employee and employer that should remain entirely free from government interference?  No minimum wage, no workman's comp, no family leave act---the market would tend to be chocked full of lessons that those employers who treat their employees "well" tend to also do well on the bottom line in the long run.  Suttle World finds macro economic ignorance to be more maddening than those who think Pete Rose belongs in Cooperstown.  At least the latter can be attributed to irreversible brain damage.  The former is just intellectual laziness, that could be easily corrected.  Perhaps the Suttle World summer reading list, that is still in the works, will offer a few titles that can provide escape from the dungeon of stupidity that apparently surrounds many.

...Just a reminder that unless a Nobel Prize becomes involved, Suttle World is not, has not and never will make any mention of the shenanigans of Helena Radisson nor any other ho-tel named bimbo.  Suttle World cannot stop the madness, but refuses to join in the St. Vidas dance of idiocy.

...The folks at Dell may well require some legal beating about the head and shoulders, but Suttle World is just curious if there is a single business entity that does more than $48 of business a month that hasn't been sued by the New York Attorney General's office.  Little Cuomo would appear to be picking up on the shtick that his predecessor and presidential wannabe Eliot Spitzer used with great success---especially on the front of NYC tabloids.

...Tiger free, but a pretty impressive field tees it up this morning at Sugarloaf for this year's new fangled incarnation of the ATL tour stop.  The AT&T "Classic" is the current moniker, and  despite the event's proximity and the fact that Suttle World has some juice with Ma Bell, the topography (the most despised track on tour by caddies) and hassle of shuttle busses and the like will make the location no more relevant to Suttle World than were the tourney in Des Moines.

May 16, 2007

...With time does come wisdom.  Its simple math really, because with time comes at least the opportunity to reflect upon events and revisit one's own bias with greater knowledge that time also brings to the party.  That being said, several days have now passed, and after careful soul searching, Suttle World has come to the conclusion that the obituary published by The Times Record & Roane County Reporter of Spencer, WV that indicated Suttle World was dead was, in fact, incorrect.  Should Suttle World prove wrong on this one, Suttle World finds it most distressing to presumably not be able to publish from the after life upon the gentle surfer's mortal coil to inform all that it aint  that big a deal.  This notion is mentioned, as it a premise to this morning's first take that would be a bit silly if Suttle World were dead.  Despite numerous shortcomings, Suttle World is thankful for many things so bountiful that it shall not begin to catalogue the blessings.  This morning, Suttle World is most thankful that it is not Jerry Falwell, as Suttle World is of the opinion that the right reverend had a lot of splainin' to do yesterday afternoon.  Suttle World having yet to complete its graduate work in theology does seem to recall the concept to be something along the lines of loving one's neighbor, not calling him out.  Again, not a biblical scholar, but Suttle World does not recall references in either the new or old Testaments regarding US foreign policy, or the MX missile.  Falwell built a mega ministry and big honkin' Division I school to go with it.  In doing so, no doubt countless thousands of lives have been enriched.  That being said, dude was also the poster child for the phenomenon that afflicts many a gentle surfer:  mentioning religion and sucking on a lemon affecting remarkably similar facial expressions.  Many heeded Falwell's calling.  Many ran the other way screaming.  AMF Rev. Jerry Falwell at 73.

...The story is just breaking at this writing, but the nation, and Atlanta in particular, bids a very sad and much to soon farewell too Yolanda Denise King.  She was 51, and represented the legacy of her father with the dignity to which it was so entitled, even with other family often moving in polar opposite directions.

...Seems as though the feds have decided the ATL may need another airport.  Suttle World does not disagree, and amplifies the point by contending Atlanta needed another airport at which Lindbergh could land.  Its been needed for 25 years.  Build it, lease it and watch the bucks flow, just like the case would be at Hartsfield if privatized.

...Ah to be a part of a pre season, 10 man, 90 minute Republican presidential primary "debate" in South Carolina on the night Jerry Falwell dies.  Instead, Suttle World will take flesh eating bacteria/necrotizing fasciitis  for $800 please, Alex.

...A pleasant, but once again unproductive evening in the trivia contest last night at the Northlake Mellow Mushroom.  Had Suttle World been a tad sharper, the abbreviated team that features an amalgamation of the Cross household and those of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor would have won out of a field of 14, but it was not to be.  Gentle surfers are encouraged to join in the fun, beginning each Tuesday night at 7:30.

...Suttle World has to believe that the Stanley Cup finals will feature Ottawa and Detroit.  Meanwhile, despite some decent hoops being played, the conference finals are nearly a week away---a time for which Suttle World has placed its wake up call.

...The Braves beat Washington 6-2 yesterday, and maintain their paltry half game lead over the Mets in the NL East with a record that now equals Milwaukee!? as the best in the NL.

..."Cancer is no longer the death sentence that it once was. Our most feared disease is turning into a condition that people live with, rather than die from, figures published yesterday show."  How unjust.  Beat cancer only for the prospect of having to face the ravages of global warming that turns out is just five years away from planet wide catastrophe, according to a really official looking report from The World Wide Fund for Nature (WWF)---not to be confused with the NWA or High Velocity Wrestling.

...Suttle World is assembling its summer reading and viewing pile.  The first two items from the nice folks at the DeKalb County Library System were McCullough's  1776 (finally!) and End of the Century, the Ramones DVD release from 2006.  Also on the list are Locke, Mill, Boortz and finally a chance to take a look at a title form an impressive body of work by the father of nearby Sangria's buddy Max, historian Charles Goldston.  All of this, along with the long put off Sex Pistols DVD, could well be eschewed by a couple of sports titles.

May 15, 2007

...Belated props from the mail room to cuzin Bill who last week gave the heads up of a Monday night Elvis Costello web cast.  Seems as though Costello was appearing on Letterman last night, and performed a 50 minute set in front of the crowd at the Ed Sullivan Theater after the show was taped.  Elvis is pimping a new retro-release that highlights the first ten years of his career in celebration of the 30 year anniversary of the release of My Aim is True.  Regardless, the video and sound was flawless, and greatly enjoyed.  This brief tour with the Imposters would be well worth the viewing under the appropriate circumstances (price, venue, etc...).  Given past discussions, Suttle World will be presumptuous enough to speak for cuzin Bill, and add that this is what we both thought MTV would be when it first hit coax 20+ years ago.  Alas.

...Really little else to bring this Tuesday, so in lieu of continuing the pablum, Suttle World offers the following reading assignments

• Charles Dalrymple --- City Journal:  "And England's screaming"

• Thomas Sowell --- The Anger of the Left

• Walter Williams --- The idiocy of a minimum wage

...The Suttle World Senators page has had some handiwork performed, but is still not completely up to speed.  Hey, its a start, and Commissioner Jordan/Satan does a better job of keeping stuff updated on the Wiffle Atlanta site.

May 14, 2007

...Suttle World unburdens itself to begin Monday morning by confessing to the gentle surfer that after six years of keen observation and soul searching, Suttle World does not hate Vice President Cheney, nor does it wish his eyes to be eaten by rabid dogs.  No doubt, this is just another psychotic feature of the never quite plumb and level Suttle World, given each gentle surfer is fully aware of their civic duty to despise the Vice President.  In fact Suttle World finds the Cheney to be a man of good will who has continued in public service at considerable risk to his own health and well being.  Suttle World is not in lock step with Cheney nor the Bush administration regarding the war and/or the state of the nation in general, but cannot find any sound reasons to become bilious at the sight of old Dick, despite the seeming obligation to do so.  Chucky Schumer?  Well, that's another matter entirely.  The gentle surfer is encouraged to email Suttle World, and correct what is most certainly, an erroneous take. 

...Despite media reports to the contrary, Suttle World is pleased to announce that it has reached an agreement in principle to purchase Chrysler.  Look for Suttle World to be screaming about "we must be crazy" deals on K-Cars and mini-vans coming to a television near the gentle surfer soon.

...Monday marks the beginning of the next to last week of the 2006-7 "academic" year for nephew Ridge, who along with the world's greatest wife, Yolanda, was found to be in good stead upon Suttle World's triumphant return to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor Saturday.  The most recent charts and graphs  are trending towards the resident Teengenerate in training to be moving handily towards successful completion of his sophomore year at nearby Tucker High School.

...Props to Phil who simply put together 72 holes of stellar golf to win a well deserved first TPC yesterday in Ponte Vedra.  And while it is duly noted that Tiger threw up a 67 Sunday to finish a stroke ahead of the bigger bark than bite Rory Sabbatini, Suttle World enjoys the South African calling out Tiger, and wishes more card carrying players would comport themselves in a similar fashion.  Of course, this will most likely only cause Tiger to plant his foot that much deeper into the rectums of others, but better to run some weak smack than be of the tuck one's tail between one's legs posture.  The tour, as has been the case at times in the past, is in desperate need of some  Trevinos, Chi-Chis and Zoellers to provide some entertainment between Tiger cashing checks.  The gentle surfer that holds some sort of misguided grudge against Fuzzy can email Suttle World to  obtain proper guidance in getting  their erroneous mindset corrected.

May 13, 2007

...And a happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there (Suttle World knows the gentle surfer has certitude as to whether the gentle surfer belongs in this category or not) as live, or maybe not if one believes The Times Record & Roane County Reporter, from Suttle World Headquarters for the first time since May 2, The Suttle Security Council Daily briefing is being published in all its glory from stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.  Judicial notice is served that the previous sentence is available to Wikipedia as an example of a Hall of Fame run on sentence.  Anything for the children.  Don't let this style infest your keyboard.  Friends don't let friends write from the IHOPesque school of the house of the bottomless pot of sentence.

...Factoids...Song Of The Day has returned to format intended by God.  Suttle World copied the appropriate stone age software, but had difficulty with it at the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite headquarters...Damn its good to be home.  11 days is a long time for Suttle World that has no complaints.  And while there is irony in the fact that Suttle World departed the company of the dear mother of Suttle World with whom it had the pleasure of her company over the past week and a half the day before Mother's Day, Suttle World is most pleased with mother of Suttle World's disposition, and that brother John and spouse PJ will make an official mother and child reunion today...Suttle World believes the I-85 to US 25 route to Flat Rock, NC from stately Roberts/Suttle Manor to be approximately 50 miles and 20 minutes less (during peak traffic time at the 5 congested miles of 25 outside Greenville, SC) in travel time than the all interstate passage of I-85 and I-26 that is freighting exact in its 200 miles and 3 hours required.

...The Ottawa Senators defeated the Buffalo Sabres Saturday night in Buffalo to take a 2-0 lead in the best of seven Stanley Cup Eastern Conference finals that moves north of the border for games 3 and 4 this week.  This is noteworthy because the wake up call that is the conference finals has finally arrived at Suttle World.  It is much more noteworthy because last night's game was a come from behind affair for the Senators who found themselves down 2-0 at the 6:36 mark of the first period.  This is most noteworthy even if the conference finals don't excite the gentle surfer,  as Suttle World would suggest that the fact that during the entire, just ended 82 game regular season and into the playoffs to date the Sabres were 46-0 in games in which they held a two goal lead at any point of a game!  Let Suttle World put that another way:  the Sabres were 46-0 in games in which they held a two goal lead at any point of a game!  Yeah a bit obscure, but one  of the most amazing little stats that Suttle World has run across in quite some time.

...An abrupt end to a what was leisurely Mother's Day update.  Enjoy the final round of the TPC following brunch.  Suttle World stipulates that the ever inept staff was dead wrong in the meteorological department with regard to weather and play.   Though Tiger is out of the equation, it should make for a intriguing final round.  Live leaderboard here.  Sunday TV Sport lineup here.

May 12, 2007

...One last publication from the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite headquarters this morning.  And while the extended visit has been a nothing but a fun and enriching pleasure, a return to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor should prove to be even more so.  ETA:  3:00.  Actually, this update may not be in the process of construction today, given Suttle World awoke this morning only to learn that it had died.  At least that is what was printed by the The Times Record & Roane County Reporter of Spencer, WV that says:  "Gene Suttle, 87, of Waverly, Va., died Thursday, Nov. 16, 2006.  He was born in Roane County, a son of the late Dennis Suttle and Inez Boatwright Suttle. He was a U.S. Army veteran of World War II. He worked as a coal miner, carpenter and was a supervisor for United Fuel Co. He also worked as a pipefitter for Norshipco, Norfolk, Va.  He is survived by two daughters, Loretta Jean McDaniels of Waverly and Karen Elaine Burke of Ivor, Va.; his former wife, Anna Barbara Gillikin of Portsmouth, Va.; one grandson; and one honorary grandson.  In addition to his parents, he was preceded in death by one son, James Larry Suttle; one sister, Minnie LeMaster; two brothers, Denvil Dick Suttle and Frank Suttle; one half-brother, Daniel McCroskey; and one grandson.  Service will be later. Purviance Funeral Home, Wakefield, Va., is in charge of arrangements."  Suttle World just thought its deodorant wasn't working as well as expected.

...Let's go postal!  As the gentle surfer is most likely already aware, the cost of mailing a first class letter will rise to 41¢ (the gentle surfer remembers mailing stuff, doesn't it?).  The new rate compares to a stamp costing 2¢ in 1920.  The increase  is roughly double the level of inflation over that period of time.  Suttle World hastens to add that Article I, Section 8 of the US Constitution in its ever ignored list of the powers of the legislative branch does state that one is "to establish post offices and post roads."  Ergo, the United States Postal Service is not extra-Constitutional, just remarkably inefficient.

...Smoking is a disgustingly hideous practice that visits morbidity and mortality upon its long term participants.  That being said, Suttle World finds it peculiar that movie ratings will now consider smoking as a factor in drawing that every so important line between PG-13 and R.  Murder, rape, and disembowelment are still just fine as long as the characters aren't smoking.  Brilliant!

...And while we're in the smoking department, Suttle World turns to a different combustible:  marijuana, as in cannabis sativa/indica and the NFL.  Seems as though good old Ricky Williams failed yet another drug test for weed, and will continue to be ineligible to play until at least September when he will be allowed by the league to pee in a cup again.  Meanwhile, after 148 arrests on various charges from class A felonies to misdemeanors that involved alleged crimes against persons by Pacman Jones, the Commissioner's office is considering some disciplinary action.  The gentle surfer is encouraged to correct Suttle World if its staff is wrong once again, but Suttle World has been advised that marijuana is not a performance enhancing drug, nor does its consumption violate the rights of life, liberty or property of any other individual.  Brilliant!

...Suttle World is unsure if the Faster and Louder John Edwards' education plan unveiled yesterday is part of his proposed $1 TRILLION in new spending if elected president, but announce it he did---an $8 billion deal for higher education.  The gentle surfer is advised to make sure its stable can hold two ponies, as Suttle World is now of the opinion that a second one is headed its way courtesy of the ambulance chaser cum Socialist Party candidate.

..."The city of Durham expressed regret Friday for the photo lineup used to obtain rape indictments against three members of the Duke lacrosse team."  Suttle World is now satisfied, as are, no doubt, the falsely accused students.  Given the young men in question have more class, Suttle World will take the opportunity to once again thank the nappy headed ho who started this fiasco in the first place.

...Happy Mother's Day to Sheryl Crow — the singer-guitarist has adopted a baby boy rumored to have been named Charmin.  Just don't shake her hand, as the fecal-oral route is a most common means of transmitting disease.  

May 11, 2007

...Suttle World, perhaps the worst political prognosticator on the planet, is on record as having forecast former North Carolina Senator John Edwards to be the Democratic nominee for the 2008 presidential contest.  Suttle World is becoming even more confident in the pick as Edwards unfolds his vision for the US under his watch.  Regardless of whether the gentle surfer is in concert with any of the 972 announced candidates from the Socialist side of the aisle (not to be confused with the 837 Fascist party candidates---Democrats want to be your mother.  Republicans want to be your father), one cannot disagree that the field is crowded with a number of very bright people (judicial notice is served that the use of the term people and Hillary requires a fair amount of poetic license, but work with Suttle World here).  Edwards is now obviously the smartest of this lot.  He has learned his lessons well from his short stint in Washington:  there's no problem that cannot be solved by the federal government throwing copious amounts of the gentle surfer's money at it. "Edwards is quick to acknowledge his spending on health care, energy and poverty reduction comes at a cost, with more plans to come. All told, his proposals would equal more than $1 trillion if he could get them enacted into law and operational during two White House terms."  The cost also includes the pony that each gentle surfer is going to be given.  Its a sound strategy that has proven to been incredibly successful over the past 80 years---not at solving problems, but at buying votes.  Exponentially outspending the current administration would be a most remarkable accomplishment.  Suttle World is well known not to be a motion picture aficionado, but would be the first in line at the box office if someone would produce "Night of the Living Dead Presidents," in which zombies Washington, Adams, Jefferson and Madison visit graphic violence on the current clown college that is the Imperial Federal Government, and its wannabes.

...Suttle World finds the guilty pleas of three Purdue Pharma big wigs regarding their misleading behavior over the addictive potential of OxyContin  to be distressing.  What Suttle World finds much more frightful is the chilling effect this case will have on legitimate pain management.  Suttle World had similar concerns when the Limbaugh scandal broke several years back---fears that have been realized at least in the state of Florida where the gentle surfer with 8 compound fractures is now prescribed a baby aspirin, if the gentle surfer is lucky.  Memo to doctors:  your patients might be better served by you spending more time viewing the literature instead of the long legs under the short skirts of the drug babes who make their regular rounds to push the latest Faster and Louder pill! Memo to the federal government:  get the hell out of the way of doctors and patients deciding how best to manage pain, or any other course of treatment!  The subject falls beneath the umbrella of a frequent Suttle World mantra:  LET DARWIN WORK!

...Being in a generous mood this morning, Suttle World offers the gentle surfer some business advice:  this may not be the best time to open an RV dealership.  And while we're in the $3+ gasoline aisle, if the gentle surfer is disturbed by current pump prices, the gentle surfer may wish to engage in some behavior that would encourage the building a new refinery or two.  The last one to come on line was in 1977.  There's plenty of oil  to convert into gasoline, and there would be a hell of a lot more if drilling started in earnest in the Gulf of Mexico and Alaska.  The current price point is a function of there being no room at the inn for the crude, and the plethora of government mandated designer fuels that move through a pipeline infrastructure that was never intended to deal with same.  Memo to the greenie meanies:  shut the hell up, and don't even think about starting in on the "global warming" bullshit.  NIAGARA FALLS!  Slowly I turned....

...Despite the fact that Wiffle Atlanta is a sports endeavor, and NECKCAR is not, they do have a commonality in that both will go dark on Mother's Day. 

...The residents of Waukesha, WI were given a gift beyond any gentle surfer's fondest wishes last night as 91 year old Les Paul performed for his home town.  A MUST READ Story.  Yes, Suttle World would have eschewed a Dictators gig in lieu of seeing that show. 

...Publication continues from the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite headquarters for the next day or so.  Suttle World greatly looks forward to returning to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor for many reasons, but mostly because Suttle World is pleased to report that its "work" here would appear to be done.

May 10, 2007

...You just can't get good help!  During the Suttle World editorial board meeting yesterday morning, Suttle World advised the staff that it would be taking a well deserved day away from the keyboard; and did the staff advise Suttle World of early morning commitments for today?  NO!  Consequently, today's update shall be rather short as well, as Suttle World tends to scheduled duties that the aforementioned, ever inept staff failed to recognize.  Suttle World is currently accepting resumes for several positions that will soon be vacant.  Please forward resumes, references and salary histories here.

...Suttle World has never watched a Tournament Players Championship played during a tropical storm.  Should make for quite the spectacle if anyone actually plays.

...A welcome visit from Aunt Johnnie Carson (not to be confused with her husband/Suttle World uncle John Carson) who made the 45 minute jaunt from Spartanburg yesterday evening in time to consume what Suttle World believes to have been a most pleasing repast.

...Bummer!  The Spartanburg Stingers of the Coastal Plain League will not be relocating to Hendersonville, NC (adjacent to the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite headquarters)---choosing nearby Forest City, NC instead.  The gentle surfer not familiar with the league is advised that it is a summer league composed almost entirely of college players who have a short three month season.  There is hope though.  Currently the league has 15 teams and is looking to expand to even things out.  Local pols have allocated the funds to upgrade to the Hendersonville ballpark, so along with the ample golf and the world famous House of Pain's High Velocity Wrestling, the addition of a baseball club would make Hendersonville the sports Mecca of this part of the state.  Meanwhile, 30 minutes to the north, the Asheville Tourists have gotten off to a hot start at 23-9 in the Southern Division of the Sally (South Atlantic) League---amazingly trailing Augusta by 2.5 games. 

May 9, 2007

...Another start to another lovely day at the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite headquarters, but with little to bring, excepting yesterday's interesting encounter on the golf course where Suttle World had the high privilege and distinct honor of playing nine holes with the University of Florida's starting quarterback in the 1953 Gator Bowl that Florida won 14-13 over Tulsa.  Suttle World greatly appreciates the opportunity to "play" with Fred Robinson of Hendersonville in spite of the hideous display of "golf" shown by Suttle World.   Back to the range and practice green.

...From the no news is good news department comes a rather abbreviated morning update.  Suttle World is going to put the Gone Fishin' sign in the window and take a break from the scintillating commentary to which the gentle surfer has become accustomed.  Yes, sucks for the gentle surfer, but even Edward Murrow took a little time off now and then.  Come to think of it, Murrow has been on break for quite a while.

May 8, 2007

...Its a common source of frustration with which the gentle surfer is all too familiar.  Attempting to merely go about one's business on any given hurried day, the gentle surfer will find themselves behind a Buick being piloted by an elderly fellow with ears the size of a small New England state and donned with the obligatory hat.  He slows traffic.  He's slow in checking out at the grocery store.  This guy is a real pain in the ass.  As noted in the Briefing last week, this guy and 100 of his cohorts of similar vintage that live in Henderson County, NC traveled to Washington to take in the new WW II Memorial on the mall last weekend.  Perhaps the gentle surfer would like to peruse pics of that guy and his buddies during their trip, and reconsider the attitude taken the next time the Buick inches along at 30 MPH.  Just a thought for those who didn't have the privilege of sunning on Guadalcanal or the beaches of Normandy in the 1940s.

...Another item of local note would tend to indicate that many in these here parts have a fair portion of common sense.  Suttle World has come to this conclusion because the population agrees with Suttle World.  The Hendersonville Times-News on line poll yesterday asked readers/surfers:  "[d]o you agree with the Yankees picking up Roger Clemens?"  304 answered in the following manner:  31.9% said Yes, 19.1% said No and 49% said "Apathy."

...The gentle surfer unfamiliar with the surrounds of the western North Carolina satellite headquarters of  Suttle World may enjoy a brief demographic profile of lovely Flat Rock, NC.  According the incredibly intrusive folks at the Census Bureau the village is inhabited by 4.151 folks.  95% of the population is white, and the average age is said to be 34.5 years.  Suttle World doubts many fudged on the race question, but believes a few may have taken some liberty in the age department.  Suttle World has run into a the aforementioned that guy and his fellow octogenarians in every nook and cranny traveled in this hamlet.  Suttle World enjoys being the "new kid" in town.  Ah, to be a whippersnapper again.  It is indeed refreshing, as is the community as a whole.

...Neighboring South Carolina is now safe for the gentle surfer to walk its streets following two separate gambling busts yesterday.  Brave law enforcement and accompanying authorities have now taken once legal video poker machines into custody along with their owners.  The gentle surfer is reminded that the only good gambling is government gambling where a plethora of lottery games/tax on the math impaired are available at a retailer nearby. 

May 7, 2007

...18,000 nekid Mexicans.  A pithy title for a blockbuster summer movie?  No, "about 18,000 naked Mexicans stretched out on the cold flagstones of Mexico City's main plaza to be photographed by Spencer Tunick on Sunday, smashing a personal record for this American artist known for shooting crowds of nudes."  Tunick's previous record was a crowd of 7,000 nudes in Barcelona, who has also held mass naked shoots in London, Vienna, Buenos Aires and Buffalo.  With all due respect to denizens of the Empire State, Suttle World will pass on viewing the Buffalo pics.

...Reports from the south of the western North Carolina Suttle World satellite headquarters reveal the Suttle World Senators split a doubleheader yesterday with the Pirates in Wiffle Atlanta action Sunday.  Suttle World seriously doubts the outcome would have been any different had the ball club's president, general manager and skipper been present.   Suttle World remains silent on the current "controversies" surrounding the league, but does believe that peeing in a cup before every game to be overkill.

...The ever inept Suttle World staff passed along erroneous information a couple weeks ago when Suttle World reported that French voters were headed to the polls for a presidential election.  The fact is that France held the election over the past weekend, and elected Nicolas Sarkozy.  The one fact from the previous update that was accurate is that nobody cares.  Ironic that Jim Morrison is buried in Paris---both he and the county in which he decomposes killed themselves by their own excesses in their prime.

...The destruction visited upon Greensburg, KS by a mile wide tornado that destroyed 95% of the town Friday night is beyond description.  It is, however, not without comparison, and Suttle World finds it odd that no media report read or seen to date has mentioned April 3, 1974 when Xenia, OH was leveled.

...Suttle World has long since had its fill of Roger Clemens, and finds his "triumphant" return to the Yankees to be most tedious in the wall to wall coverage it has generated.  Granted, the Bronx Bombers need starting pitching, and Clemens is a slam dunk first round Hall of Famer, albeit a world class ass hole who thinks nothing of throwing at people's heads.  Suttle World believes a 2-7 record with a 4.89 ERA would make for very satisfying stats for the Rocket this season.   Suttle World would also greatly enjoy pitchers in the National League declaring open season on Clemens during the otherwise idiotic inter-league play---using him for target practice when he actually has to "answer for his actions" in the batters box when the Yankees have to play real baseball come mid-summer.

...Hello, Pizza Ranch?  Yeah, I need a take out order please.  One large pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms and hepatitis A.  Such was the case in Slayton, MN last week were 2300 locals are now receiving gamma globulin shots to ward off potential infection of the virus that was visited upon patrons by an infested employee.  Bon appetite.

...The Boy Scouts would be proud.  From the be prepared department comes word of "hundreds of people flocking to a remote village in eastern India to catch a glimpse of an old man who has spent six years lying inside his own grave waiting to die as he mourns for his wife.  Basanta Roy claims he is 103 and spends his day clearing weeds from the grave and lying in it. Belonging to a Hindu caste who bury their dead, Roy dug his grave close to his wife's after she died in the late 1990s.  "He cleans his grave every day and waits for his death, which seems to be eluding him," said Shyam Narayan Ram, a senior government official from Jharkhand state."  Suttle World suggests that after six years Mr. Roy might want a change of pace, and thinks trading places with Hillary would make for an excellent cultural exchange program.

May 6, 2007

...Those wacky Canadians.  Seems as though our neighbors to the north have minted the world's biggest pure gold coin at 200 pounds (as in lbs.), valued at $1 million Canadian.  That translates roughly to $48.23 in US currency.  Suttle World sees the Canucks (a French term for boring white guy) working.  With Bigfoot about to go on the endangered species list, he'll finally get a chance to go to town and pick up some much needed supplies, and what better to use than a 200 pound coin?  Memo to Canada:  would the last NHL franchise to leave the country please bring the Zamboni? 

...Controversy at the old church house.  A powerful Anglican leader from Nigeria installed a bishop Saturday to lead the conservative U.S. parish network he created, despite a last-minute plea from the head of the Anglican Communion that he cancel his visit.  After the festivities, the newly installed Archbishop Peter Akinola, immediately sent emails to every member of the Anglican Church in the US explaining that his uncle, the Prince of Umbaba Baba, died two years ago with a fortune of $278 million, and that he desperately needs assistance to get the money out of his corrupt country.  Those who help will receive 30% of the mother load in exchange for personal banking information so that the funds can be transferred.

...Suttle World finds it distressing that US economy is in such poor shape.  If only prosperity were to return the DOW would be nearing 150,000 as opposed fourth consecutive winning week that ended Friday at a spindly record high of 13,264.

...Derby Day made for interesting viewing, but proved once again that handicapping triple crown race cards is not the way to make money.  No dollars were wagered by Suttle World, but it would have been disaster had it gone to the betting cage early and often.  Suttle World speculates that the Polytrack wild card will make handicapping even more challenging for the next couple years until performances on the different surfaces can be translated.  Suttle World suggests the gentle surfer stick to Charles Town for the time being.  $5000 claiming races on a half mile of dirt make for much easier pickings.

...For the gentle surfer who didn't shell out $55 for the privilege of watching last night's "big fight," be advised that Floyd Mayweather, Jr. won a 12 round split decision over Oscar De La Hoya.  

...And in baseball action, the Philadelphia Athletics split a doubleheader with the St. Louis Browns.

...The NFL draft picks up again today with the 78th round.  ESPN will provide wall to wall coverage.

...The NCAA is wrestling with moving the 3-point line back a foot.  Suttle World suggests that the line be moved back to 1985/out of the gym.

...Suttle World does not know Jeff Miller of Hendersonville, NC, but thinks he's one hell of a guy.  Devoting his time to an effort a bit more significant than say nominating The Dictators for the White Castle Hall of Fame, Miller has organized an all volunteer program to charter trips for WW II veterans of Henderson County to Washington to see the memorial that now graces the mall.  If the gentle surfer has a few extra shekels looking for a good cause, this may be a worthy place to invest.  The Hendersonville Times-News provides the details.   

...Food for thought from sage Willie Stargell as folks prepare don their game faces and righteous attitudes.  Both before and after his retirement, Pops was always quick to remind folks the he had it pretty good because he "played" baseball for a living, and that nobody ever "worked" baseball.

May 5, 2003

...The ever inept Suttle World staff has finally pieced together some of the promised pics from yesterday's briefing.  Being, of course, unprepared with the proper software for presenting the images in the slick professional manner to which the gentle surfer has become accustomed from this august media organ, Suttle World presses forward.  First, pics from Helm's Barber Shop and the genuinelyy fantastic mass demonstration of pickin' and grinnin' as advertised yesterday.  Second, pics from the new and improved House of Pain where High Velocity Wrestling will begin their card tonight that  features>>>            And finally, the gentle surfer who has lost sleep over the status of Gilkey, NC can be comforted by these pics that show that the thriving community is pretty much unchanged over the now extended lifespan of Suttle World.

...The Kentucky Derby.  Post time is scheduled for 6:04 (EDT) when a cattle drive of 20 will leave the starting gate.  Suttle World downloaded all the appropriate charts and graphs, and was surprised that it took little time to narrow down a few logical selections.  The race is not the handicapper's nightmare usually posed by such a large field in a Grade I stakes, but Suttle World hastens to add that anything can happen in any race---double those chances of the weird with so many three year old horses carrying 126 pounds a mile and a quarter.  The extra wildcard for this year's event is trying to translate past performances and workouts on the new fangled Polytrack surface that has been installed by several tracks.  Many of the horses have only run on the new, bouncy surface, and others have done all their pre-Derby workouts at Keenland that was the first major plant to install the stuff.  The distinct possibility of a less than fast track is also in the mix, with showers forecast for the Louisville area throughout the afternoon.  That being said, Suttle World likes Circular Quay and Tiago.  The favorite, Curlin, is the favorite for good reasons, but at a morning line of 7:2, is hardly worth a trip to the window, especially since favorites never win this race.  Tiago should go off at an especially nice price, and has Devil's Bag blood in him for a race that always favors the "doping factor."  The fifth race set for a 1:20 post, offers some interesting opportunities.  The legendary King T. Leatherbury saddles gelding Ah Day.  Box that in an exacta with Nick Zito's entry of Wanderin Boy, and the gentle surfer should be able to cash a ticket that won't put a kid through school, but buy a nice meal or two.  Also most telling about Derby Day is that the home sports page on the USA Today site makes no mention of the event whatsoever.  Alas.

...Another 9 holes Friday, and another three pars.  The other six shall never be discussed again.  Rain will most likely prohibit a similar spectacle today.

...From the you just can't make it up department comes word that "Bigfoot, the legendary hairy man-like beast said to roam the wildernesses of North America, is not shy, merely so rare it risks extinction and should be protected as an endangered species.  So says Canadian MP Mike Lake who has called for Bigfoot to be protected under Canada's species at risk act, alongside Whooping Cranes, Blue Whales, and Red Mulberry trees."  The gentle surfer who may stumble across Bigfoot sitting with a whooping crane under a red mulberry tree is advised to contact their local Mounty ASAP.

May 4, 2003

...A picture perfect day, followed by an evening of much needed rain would seem to have set the stage for what had appeared to be an ever improving Suttle World golf game.  Looks can be deceiving.  Sure, a couple of pars, a couple decent drives, a couple of greens in regulation, but overall, a hideous 9 holes.  Not to be discouraged, Suttle World attributes the poor outing to the school of some days one has it and some days one doesn't.  In the Suttle World of golf, Thursday was definitely a doesn't day.  And where has Steady Eddie, the putter gone?  May be time to pull out the New Yorker.

...The now Democratic controlled Congress is to be congratulated on its most efficient work.  The gentle surfer may be unaware, but Queen Elizabeth II arrived yesterday in Virginia, and immediately declared dominion over the entire United States.  Working way into the wee wee hours of the morning, Congress was able to pass a resolution of surrender.  So for the gentle surfer who went to bed an American, welcome to the United Kingdom.  Rule Britannia! 

...This weekend, North Carolinians will spend untold amounts of money and effort to hear live music from arena shows to copy bands in little cut and shoots around the state.  None of these patrons will see a better show than was witnessed by Suttle World and a handful of other onlookers yesterday at Helm's Barber Shop in Hendersonville.  Mr. Helm will cut your hair for $11 if you want, or one can just stand by and take in the 8-10 various pickers and singers that assemble in the free standing building near the Mud Creek Baptist Church every Thursday morning.  No pyrotechnics, a little electricity and a lot of cumulative years of playing in the great tradition of this part of the country that enjoys an incredibly rich musical culture.   Basically they went around the circle and one by one, a player would choose a song and key in which it would be played.  What ensued was anything from a gospel to rockabilly tune.  This is why God invented You Tube.  For now, pictures will have to say the words that escape Suttle World for having had the privilege of witnessing such an event.  Much more to come.  Unfortunately these pics will have to await publication later today or Saturday.

...Being near the South Carolina border, news from the Palmetto State bleeds over---such as the general assembly considering legislation to "prevent gasoline price gouging."  Once again Suttle World reminds the gentle surfer that the definition of gouging is one paying more than one wants to pay for any given good or service.  There is no such thing as gouging in a free market.

...Other local pics for the gentle surfer to peruse include the new and improved House of Pain in Hendersonville.  Suttle World suspects a visit to the House of Pain to take in some High Velocity Wrestling may well be on the agenda.  Unfortunately these pics too, will have to await publication later today or Saturday.

...The bell ringers of the Hendersonville Baptist Church will be holding a concert this afternoon.  This is a group for which Suttle World would not wish to be a roadie.

...Giving Secret Service protection to Barack Obama may well be justified.  One way or the other, it makes certainly makes for some good free pub.

...Early morning duties end this post abruptly.  Look for updates, including the above teased pics, coming soon to a browser near you.

May 3, 2003

...And a safe and sound tour of western NC was completed yesterday, with arrival at the Suttle World satellite headquarters shortly after 4:00.  It was an enriching day.  It was a long day, but a condition remedied with a big steeping bowl of Stage 3 sleep overnight.

...Suttle World welcomes back the Maytag Repairman, who made a triumphant return in the form of Virginia real estate agent Clay Jackson who is the most recent filler of some mighty big, albeit lightly used, shoes.  Word on the street has Josephine the plumber ready to launch a nationwide comeback tour beginning in early summer.  Mr. Clean is rumored to also be on the bill.

...Derby Day approaches, and the only thing Suttle World knows about the first Triple Crown race of '07 is that it will be another stampede of 20 three year olds coming out of the gate come Saturday evening, assuming there are no scratches in the interim.  Look for more in depth handicapping wisdom in the coming days.

...Short and sweet this morning, with other duties on the schedule, mercifully rescuing Suttle World who has little to bring (knew I should have saved Bruner's latest post).  There's the gentle surfer's reading assignment:  peruse >>>>>>>>>>>

May 2, 2003

...Calling moondoggers, hep cats and groovy chicks. Gather round, as for the first time in the over two year history of Song of the Day, Suttle World breaks a new tune---opening near the top of Mit)h Industries charts with a bullet.  Yes its the latest effort from Hartmann Studios and its new release of CS & Run Rhymz single "802."  Brought to the attention of Suttle World courtesy of Pops Waring, the soon to be hip-hop classic features yet unknown performers who keep it real with a harsh look at the gritty underbelly that are the mean streets of Montpelier, VT.  Those darn kids.  Always rebelling.  Acting out with intelligence, creativity and a rather sophisticated sense of humor against against authority/drooling, fat, old dude complete with beer in hand and smoldering Camel in the other while pontificating on the sad state of the coming generation.  Well done to all involved.  And though Suttle World hates to be a buzz kill, any of you yungins involved in this project whose parents keep electing Bernie Sanders, well, you're adopted.  Sorry, Suttle World just knows not of any better way to break the news.

...The first full third of 2007 is now officially in the books.  Hard to believe that in just a month, school will be out and the isles of Wal-Mart will be crowded with Christmas merch.

...From our friends at the AJC, America's Worst Major Daily, comes news of an Auburn, Georgia teen who died at a prom party.  Evidently this is newsworthy because 18 year old Leland Martin had been dead for an hour or more before discovered by his fellow partiers.  Authorities are investigating as to whether alcohol may have had any role in the incident.

...Walk off homer from Andruw last night gives the Braves a good start on the current home stand.  The Phillies are in for two more, with the Dodgers coming to town for a weekend series.  Atlanta continues to have the best record in the National League, and need a good start like this, cause its not that great a ball club.  Lost in A Rod's April has been Tim Hudson, who has pitched about as well as humanly possible during the first month of the season---much better than his record, or even line score would indicate.

...From the you think your boss is an asshole department comes new from Reuters that "an employer in eastern India beheaded one of his workers for failing to milk his cows, police said on Saturday."

...The gentle surfer is advised that publication may be sporadic at Suttle World over the next several days, but it will attempt to remain current as the ever inept staff and remote locations will allow.

May 1, 2007

...Senators sweep!  Senators sweep!  John Adams said, "we cannot ensure greatness, but we can deserve it," (or damn close.  It was Adams, even though Churchill is more frequently associated with the "quote") and it was a most deserving Suttle World Senators squad that found greatness in the form of timely hitting on top of yet a third straight round of stellar complete game outings from cuzins Blaine and Neil as the Senators took the opener 13-3 in a mercy rule shortened four inning affair, and the nightcap 9-4 over the Hustle.  Nursing a sore right knee, cuzin Neil was especially impressive, going all six and looking strong in the process.  Cuzin Blaine not only pitched a gem, but also collected a bushel basket full of RBIs.  Even grandpa eventually got another dinger, his fourth of the season.  Good effort by all.  Box scores to come.

...The death of Cardinals reliever Josh Hancock is tragic, and Suttle World very much wants to believe that he leaned over to pick up a CD or some such, and that we don't learn that MLB is still icing down cases of beer in the clubhouse after every game and then sending players home---keys in one hand, six pack in the other (see:  Lenny Dykstra, 1991).  Suttle World would like to believe that its a practice that has long since been put to bed regardless of the results of the toxicology report to come.

...Suttle World is truly uncertain as to whether the NFL draft is over.  Fortunately, at this point, absolutely no non-institutionalized person on the planet cares, so Suttle World's ignorance is a no harm, no foul deal.

...The Braves end their roadie 5-4, with a come from ahead loss against Colorado in 11 innings Sunday afternoon.  The Phillies open a three game set at the Ted tonight.

...Rescuing a thin update, comes cuzin Matt and another installment of >>>>>>

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