Archives---March 2006

March 31, 2006

...AMF to the first quarter of 2006, and what a quarter is was.  The litany of events surround stately Roberts/Suttle Manor will not be catalogued.  Instead they shall be filed in a locked cabinet and labeled for the bio-hazard that it was.  But just because March goes out like a lamb today doesn't mean the fun has stopped.  In one week, Suttle has the pleasure of having a garden hose run through the old colon and then the other end a week hence.  Surely this will afford ample opportunity to wash off said garden hose in the interim.

...Yes, the U.S. must secure its borders for the purposes of national security and public health and safety.  No, Jose spreading pine straw or framing a new home in a neighborhood near you is not a problem regardless of his documentation.  None of those posturing over the immigration issue is willing to use the A word, but Suttle World is---amnesty just makes too much sense.  Want folks to assimilate?  How about allowing illegals to not constantly look over their shoulders for fear of deportation and one might see a movement towards to mainstream.  If not, folks can play in their own sandboxes in a lawful manner.

...Without objection, permission to extend and revise my remarks.  Without objection, so ordered.

March 30, 2006

...North Georgia officially welcomes spring today, as the skies clear and temps move into the mid 70's.  A peak into next week reveals the old white guys in the ugly green sport coats got their weather order in on time.  UPS tracking indicates penultimate Masters weather in store for this time next week and the third of the the five High Holy Days on the sports calendar---8 days following the second High Holy Day.  Always proximate, Suttle World does not recall a previous year in which the events (Saturday's Final Four doubleheader and Masters' Final Round) fell so close to one another.

...Suttle World does not tote Barry Bonds' water, nor his clear or cream.  Nonetheless, those calling for his head and others who were juiced during the roid era are the same folks who delighted in the Sosa/McGuire slugfest as they eclipsed Marris.  "Fans" wanted long balls, so its the long ball they got.  Even if there were preserved blood and tissue samples from every big leaguer in the 90's left for analysis, there's no rule to enforce---pay no attention to the man busting the seams on his uni after putting on 75 pounds of muscle mass in the off season.  And let's not even talk about the preceding "skinny" era in which players ate amphetamines at a high rate of speed.  Investigate who you want regarding what you want, it won't fix the math---the glue that holds together the greatest game ever invented by man.  Its broke.  Perhaps this is the fissure Stupid Ball has been awaiting to take the country by storm.

...No Warren Buffet here, but at around 65 times earnings, Suttle World doesn't see Google  as God's gift to the market that buyers and sellers currently envision.  Of course, Suttle World was also on the IPO list for Google and passed at $100/share.

...According to the National Restaurant Association 54% of folks eat out on their birthdays.  Data from Suttle World indicates 99.95% of folks don't give a rat's ass if folks eat out on their birthday or not.  Research such as this is not cheap, so, once again, Suttle World comes to the rescue.  I'll provide the data for half the cost.  Of course, I'll just make it up (the New York Times school of research), but it will be of equal value which is somewhere around nil.

March 29, 2006

...Partly cloudy and 70° may help distract from the fact that this March has lasted since the Carter administration.  Having long since crammed 10 pounds of poop into the 5 pound bag that is the year's third month, one's expectation is that the page on the calendar would fly by, but , no!!!! this month began sometime in 1978 and still has three days to play out.  The meteorological data is cause for cringe among many a gentle surfer, so Suttle World shall shelve its bitch on the subject and fall back on our friends in the almond business:  one bucket of balls a week is all we ask.

...This segues well into a number off issues.  First, a conference call involving three of the principals of the Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic has produced the definitive decision to not make a decision on a specific venue for this year's event until a future time.  The competing hamlets have been narrowed though:  Flat Rock, NC (the home of the inaugural event in 2005) or Waring Central/ Montpelier, VT and surrounds, perhaps including a foray to the famed Saratoga Raceway.  Second, the aforementioned conference call did not include Old Fart Emeritus Bill Swartzberg who remains missing in action.  When Larry Rich calls to find him, one is certainly curious as to where the boy has gone.  Consequently Suttle World is activating its Mit)h Alert System:  BOLO for one William Swartzberg, 46 years of age, 6-0 with short dark hair.  Last seen wearing miss-matching socks.  May be drooling, but is unarmed and not considered dangerous.  Should you have any information on the whereabouts of Swartzberg, please contact your local animal control department.

...Word from the lab is encouraging, as Suttle World's RBCs make a comeback with a bullet at 3.7 (that's 3.7 million cells/ml).  Still a ways to go, but certainly better than was the case six weeks ago.

...Cuzin Matt Bruner checks in from Texas having finally completed the move from the ATL.  The first of two essays appears today at

...The pollen count remains a mystery.  Yeah, there was a little drizzle yesterday, but today's count is a mere 22 as opposed to an anticipated 2200 (p/ml) for this time of year---most curious but no one's arguing.  Speaking of which has anyone ever walked into an allergy clinic, been evaluated/diagnosed, told they were fine and sent home without a follow-up appointment?

March 28, 2006

...GM continues to announce major rearrangement of Titanic deck chairs.  Sure hope they get them in the right places before they start getting wet.

...Suttle World in no way condones shutting down major transportation routes as some half ass protest regarding some issue no one is sure about, but is impressed with the simple strategy being currently employed sporadically around southern California.  Even more amusing is the shock and horror of white America.  Lumber around Kroger, mix in a little math and then explain to me about the evils of illegal immigration.  Can't properly posture with "them."  Can't enjoy the glory of your own particular safe suburban slum without "them."  Oh the misery.  Meanwhile, Consuelo and her four children will rise this morning, sweep their dirt floored, cardboard shack and head to the local landfill to shop for lunch.

...The NFL has yet to pick a successor for Paul Tagliabue.  Consequently, Suttle World will make the sacrifice and serve in the position for an indefinite period of time.  Given a small staff, equally dividing a huge pile of money simply can't be that difficult a task.  Would make for a nice lead in the old obit too:  "Suttle, the man who pioneered the one minute, literal sudden death National Anthem policy died today..."  There are a few other changes.  For instance, if a team can designate a "franchise player" Suttle World would allow each franchise to designate one of their problem children as "franchise LT's bitch."  Give Taylor a pipe, duffle bag full of rock, a baseball bat and the discretion to correct any untoward behavior he may deem appropriate.  T.O. pulls out the Sharpie and...whack!  Chortle if you will, but Suttle World has already saved women's pro soccer and bowling as the dedicated gentle surfer is well aware.  

...Though closed to the media, a conference call is scheduled today involving the participants of the Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic (a page in desperate need of an update, but with no links...).  With another mid August date in mind, now is the time to start nailing down details of venues, events, times, places, etc...  A public announcement is forthcoming.  Already announced, but deserving of amplification is the naming of IV Waring to the second team of the all central Vermont basketball for his senior season.

March 27, 2006

...For those not familiar with the metro DC area, Fairfax, Virginia is, ironically enough, the seat of the county of Fairfax---abutting the District, and roughly the geographic and population equivalent of Marietta to Atlanta.  So George Mason making it to the Final Four is about the same as Kennesaw State.  Its a decent commuter school that began as a two year junior college several decades ago, and the home of the only market based post graduate business school in the country, chaired by Suttle World frequent contributor Walter Williams.  Idle dreams about a George Mason/LSU final were mere fantasy a couple days ago.  This morning that match up is only 80 minutes away.  Reckon it doesn't matter to CBS, where unknowns are likely to draw bigger numbers as opposed to Fox kicking in stained glass windows if a New York or LA market team isn't involved in the World Series or the like.

...For many years, professional golfers were the worst paid athletes in the world.  That's all changed (even before Tiger), and its a good thing if you're among the best 150 players in the world.  For the spectator/fan, the payoff may not have been so bountiful.  Winning is nice, especially a TPC for which one gets a ten year exemption, but why bother winning when that fourth place check for a quarter million cashes just fine, thank you.  This week the tour comes to town, and Suttle World will respectfully decline the time and expense necessary to take in any of the four practice rounds in preparation for Augusta National a week hence, when most involved really will care.  Not sure there's a "solution," but the tour has become a series of meaningless exhibitions (excepting those around #100 on the money list and trying to keep their cards/meal tickets) with a few major events sprinkled in.  Trick it up if necessary, mixing in a few "hacker" events played over some munis.  The PGA wouldn't hurt from the diminished gate a tournament at Chastain would bring, but it sure would be fun to watch these guys hit from hard pan in the middle of the fairway, concrete bunkers and putt greens cut last Wednesday whether they needed it or not.  Or better yet, how about winner take all?  "Now you boys hurry it up down there."  Just trying to help.

...Opening day:  seven days and counting.  Braves open on the road against the Dodgers.  Toronto, Baltimore, the Yankees and Tampa Bay (for God's sake) screw up the schedule as the idiotic inter-league play continues for yet another year.  To their credit, the Braves have once again made some weeknight ticket deals worthy of a shlep to the Ted.

...Some source somewhere reports that Americans report that 75% of them have "symptoms of sleep problems."  The someone has to be the makers of Halcyon or mattresses, but if true, that's not a problem, its the norm.  By definition, 75% of the population cannot share an abnormality.

...Memo to the Fed:  Al has retired.  It is not incumbent on you guys to raise the overnight rate another 25 basis points this week.  The inflation that never existed remains under control.  And while we're paging through the business section, no, Suttle World has made little of the market's rally over the past couple of weeks.  While its nice to see, at 11,000, the DOW is just getting back to where it should be.  Show me 12,500 by year's end and then there's something to talk about.

...Unchecked this morning, it would appear as though mother nature has suppressed the libido of the local flora this season.  Typically running pollen counts equivalent to the population of Latin American countries, this year's supply of plant sperm would seem to be down considerably---with little commentary on same.  Odd, but most welcome in the fourth worst pollen city in the country. 

March 26, 2006

...Unfortunately many of the obits on the web and in print this morning  of Buck Owens begin with the obligatory mention of Hee Haw, but it is Suttle World's considered opinion is that particular debacle has long faded from the vast majority of America's pop culture memory (longer running, but much akin to Tiny Tim and Miss Vicky getting married on the Tonight Show) and most are left with only a vague recollection of a true giant of country music.  15 consecutive #1 hits on the country charts in the mid 60's aint a bad start for a po boy from Bakersfield.  In keeping with the tradition, Owens had almost as many wives and was one of the great song writers of his time.  He was 76, and you damn well better appreciate Merle Haggard while you still have him around.  The talent may continue to come down the pike, but none of its rest stops included E ticket rides such as The Dust Bowl or Great Depression from the po white trash perspective.  Perhaps a bit more twang than yesterday's tribute to Iggy, today's AMF for Buck is little different.  Two men who have teetered at  the abyss and returned to tell tales of woe and triumph that move the souls of those who will pause long enough to listen.

...Of course, Suttle World will be pulling mightily for the Trowels from George Mason this afternoon, but how can one not love this LSU ball club?  Nova is the slim two point favorite over Florida today as probably should be the case.  Regardless, just bring more.

...Speaking if which, it was delightful to learn that the PGA has taken Suttle World's advice under consideration and moved next year's TPC to May where it will enjoy a tad bit less competition from the viewing audience, save perhaps a two minute horse race.

...Still fatigued and shocked by the events of the past month, this quiet Sunday morning finds each of the denizens of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor in their proper places and prepared to arise and embark on the rest of their lives.  There is a definite sense of peace in the unseasonably chilly late March morning air.  It is evidenced by the emerging dogwood flower and peaceful slumber of those still firmly clutched in the arms of Morpheus. 

Quick!  Name six Braves.

March 25, 2006

..."the human drama of athletic competition..."  It just don't get no better than this boys and girls, and just a little reminder that for 95%+  of the seniors on losing teams, it will mark the last competitive basketball game in their short lives to which they have dedicated themselves mightily (too mightily in some cases might well be argued by some).  Tough break for BC that got beat by a Nova team deserving of its #1 seed.  A bit surprised Florida prevailed over a the then surging Georgetown; and overtime notwithstanding, what a shocker to find UConn still around.  Of course, the dream match up is a LSU/George Mason final, or at least have them both playing next Saturday---the second High Holy Day on the Sports Calendar. 

...The Super Bowl is not played on election night.  The World Series is not played out over Thanksgiving weekend, and despite seeming to last that long neither the Stanley Cup nor NBA championships conflict with Independence Day.  This is just a little perspective for our buddies in the golf world.  If you want the TPC to enjoy that pseudo fifth major aura (that you've done a pretty damn good job with to date) then you might want to find a different Sunday on the calendar to plug in your final round.  Tiger playing in the last group with a naked Anna Pornakova couldn't come close to drawing the number to be had tomorrow afternoon on CBS in any given year, regardless of the schools involved.  Like it or not, March Madness rules the airwaves this time of year, and other broadcasters would be well served to just shut off their transmitters, let alone attempt to air the "fifth major."  And go ahead and put the demo card back in the deck---a most valuable trump when discussing Nielson and golf, but a moot point here, cause everyone is watching the NCAA.  Of course, you could start the final round at 9:00 Sunday morning, and get a huge number for the last groups---sorta a highly promoted Breakfast at Wimbledon deal that would draw great demos, but that would make too much sense.  Atlanta Weekend TV Sports Schedule here.

...It took two weeks because it was literally on the proverbial slow boat from China, but she finally arrived yesterday and with really cool postage:  A Million in Prizes---Iggy Pop The Anthology.  Two CDs plus a great 90 minute DVD of a '99 gig in Belgium.  Iggy is old.  Iggy is weird.  Iggy may be the best thing Michigan has ever produced, given most everything else from the state emits noxious fumes or is an American made automobile.  Iggy is the personification of a highly evolved (we're talking way past the first standard deviation here) life form of the 50 year old (give or take) phenomenon beheld by inoculating culture with energy or Rockus rollus.  Colonies of these higher species are still viable, but few and far between in the current hostile human auditory environment that continues to devote considerable airplay to the Eagles.  Yes, it would seem as though biology itself is set against the good and righteous in this particular instance, but taller peaks have been scaled.  Yes, you, the gentle surfer, can save rock n roll.  There are some folks who could help out in this endeavor, but that's a different story.

...How could it get past 7:30 on a Saturday morning without turning on Bob and Rodman?  Situation rectified.

...Shout out to my new best Brit buddy Jon Gordon.  Seems as though Jon is the unfortunate chap of the month who bumped across the Hillbilly Dictators Jihad and is now involved in a running back and forth dialogue.  Most interesting to get a perspective sans the incredible Suttle World American bias.

March 24, 2006

...600 pounds of freshman Cajun love proved too much for the number one seeded Blue Devils of Duke last night, as LSU moves onto the Great 8 phase of the nation's greatest sports spectacular.  So now it falls on the wings of the BC Eagles to carry the ACC's water the remainder of the way.  Yes, that sentence seems awkward, but is in fact correct, and for geography buffs, Boston is closer to the Atlantic Coast than Winston-Salem.

...Researchers have determined that the economy loses $588 billion annually from decreased productivity caused by workers constantly switching from one electronic device to another.  Suttle World has determined that those who perform such research to be a bigger drain on the economy, but is pleased that whoever scams whom into funding such efforts has work, even though they could be doing something productive instead.

...The New York Times couldn't/wasn't allowed to compete the the Atlanta Journal/Constitution a decade ago with its purchase and promotion of the Gwinnett paper, but the Old Gray Lady is doing one hell of a job in catching up in the worst major daily department.  That's not really fair---sorta an apples and oranges thing given the AJC isn't really a newspaper, but with at least five major errors in reporting this week, the ghost of Jason Blair has seemingly become the arbiter of "all the news that's fit to print."  If only Suttle World possessed the super natural powers conveyed by an Ivy League diploma, perhaps it would understand the situation better.

...From the mailbox comes:  nothing---not even solicitations for medications to induce the proverbial big ole throbbin' boner.  The gentle surfer staring at their shuffling feet with the obligatory awkwardness should be advised that its over.  Not forgotten, just over, and mercifully so (or at least the honest will admit to same).  Tully goes up on SOTD---nothing.  Mid May is a mere 8 weeks away and no reply from any of the potential players (nor a lineup for that matter).  The equinox has passed folks.  Jesus is coming---everybody try to look busy.  Opening Day is less than two weeks away for God's sake.

...GM enjoys junk bond status and Google goes on the S&P 500. "Tlkn mikjdjalkj aslk aoiohnk" (English translation: the times they are a changin').

...Does anyone have Rick Camp's cell phone on the tractor?  Obviously the Wiffle Ball club from stately Roberts/Suttle Manor is in desperate straits in the pitching department.  Suttle's right rotator cuff already looks like half a pound of ground chuck, but if that's what it takes...  Hey, quick,  name some of the great Big Red Machine pitching.  Good defense and clutch hits---yeah that's the rationalization.

March 23, 2006

...For those too busy working to notice, allow Suttle World to point out that the economy is humming along about as well as ever at present; and that much of that success is due to tax cuts that must be made permanent to retain any confidence in the market.  And from the why wish for a loaf of bread when one can wish for the entire grocery department, what's say we just permanently cut the top marginal rate to zero and look elsewhere for revenue---say a national retail sales tax or some such!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Suttle world continues to solicit nominations for nations that have taxed themselves into prosperity.  Please reply here.

...The gentle surfer is encouraged to not forget to take advantage of its right to "super size" (among the five guaranteed by the First Amendment of which only 20% of those surveyed could name one). 

...Speaking of which, why isn't fielder's indifference included in the (now) seven legitimate ways for a batter to reach first base?  Remember David Cone?

...Suttle World thought it had some juice with the Yankees in regard to its upcoming trip to the Big Apple, but the schedule reveals no games in the Bronx the weekend of May 20.  Instead the Yankees will be over in Flushing taking on the Mets at Shea, and Suttle World does not believe its volume of juice to extend that far.

...Memo to do gooders:  In 1976 when I was shlepping bags of top soil for the K Mart on Clairmont Road (the bar/lounge is spelled like the steamship) they had no obligation to pay for my health care.  In 2006, Wal-Mart has no obligation to pay for the health care of those stocking panty hose in their Superstore in Farmington, IL.  In fact, it may come as a great surprise to do gooder that Wal-Mart has no obligation to anybody regarding anything excepting that which is involved in commerce with vendors, consumers and workers.  Its called a market economy.  Call Adam Smith.  He'll explain it all to you. 

...TPC and three great basketball games today (and Memphis could get a run for its money as well).  Check those remote batteries early and often as the weekend approaches.  May have to mix in a Skittle Bowl tournament.

March 22, 2006

...Memo to President Bush:  Three years after the fact, the US military presence in Iraq is a might tough to defend as being vital to U.S. interests when the borders of our country remain unguarded.  Now you could argue that the U.S. can't leave a vacuum as that is the environment in which the al-Qaedas of the world prosper, but that's more of a stretch than you making it out of the second round of  spelling bee.  Pre-emptive military efforts look great on paper and the big screen, but unlike the movies, wars typically take longer than 90 minutes and require few body bags and amputations.  Regardless, you're a busy guy, and Suttle World rambles per:  usual.  If you could just tell us exactly who we're fighting and why please, the sacrifice born by so many of our bravest and best young folk might seem am bit more palatable.  PS---Feel free to bitch slap Helen Thomas next time around.  You'd feel better.  Helen would never know the difference, and your approval numbers would bounce double digits overnight.

...Suttle World extends its belated welcome to spring, given the equinox, as is the case in most years, found most of the country in a wet/frozen precip/cold/windy environment.  Besides, there's the office pool.  Buds and blooms aplenty dot lovely Roberts Gardens that is nearing its warm weather glory.

..."I had no shoes, and I felt bad until I met a man that had no feet.  I took his shoes, and now I feel much better."  (G. Carlin)

...Down go the Colonials! Down go the Colonials!  Felled by perennial powerhouse Tennessee, the GW women's squad was eliminated last night from the NCAA tournament.  Wait til next year---when all the seniors are gone.  Mix in a schedule for God's sake.

...Status report from stately Roberts/Suttle Manor finds most of the denizens fatigued and still sorting through the years crammed into the past two weeks.  Dr. Suttle finds the pathogen to have just passed the acme point, and anticipates the decline and convalescence stages to be an extended affair. 

March 21, 2006

...Two weeks and over 1300 miles ago, Suttle was en route to Wilmington, NC.  Its been quite the fortnight.  Some eight weeks hence, the residents of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor will be throwing back club sodas at Manitoba's.  The latter is preferable and highly anticipated.  All are welcome to join us.  Its 99 Avenue B, between East 6th and 7th Streets on the lower east side.  Can't miss us:  we'll be the folks without tan pants, not requesting free beer and not playing Lola on the juke box.  No doubt Mr. van Zandt and HDM have discussed this notion, but it still makes too much sense for the Handsome One to do his Sirius air shift from the bar.  Wall off the little DJ booth, and Sirius gets a live face with which listeners can identify and Manitoba gets the pub (so to speak).  So much work for the Hillbilly Dictators Jihad, but, lot's of time. given no one's going anywhere anytime soon.

...What the hell is Scientology? (That's a rhetorical question boys and girls---replies are not solicited.) Ron Hubble is dead, evidently leaving him with the same mental acuity of the devotees he left behind.  Is there a mother ship to which we will all return?  Are services held in a biology lab?  And Suttle World would still not recognize Tom Cruise if he delivered a pizza to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor wearing a name tag that said: "Tom Cruise."  As an alternative, the gentle surfer is encouraged to check out the Church of Suttleology.  No cathedrals, no Ritz crackers and Jesus juice, no checking one's compass five times daily---just two words of doctrine:  play nice.

...Suttle World would like to be among the first to welcome Avian Flu to the United States.  It is hoped you enjoy your stay, remember to check the area around you for personal belongings and that smoking is not allowed except in designated areas.  Reckon that pigeon tartar has to come off the menu.  Also seems as though this is a big opportunity in the PR department for the feline community.  Always trying to help.  Good things we held onto that duct tape and plastic sheeting.

...In the midst of the delayed NECKCAR event yesterday, was the running of the brother.  Only the fifth black guy to start a race, he finished 38th and would have shown much better if the cops hadn't pulled him over three times (damn, I'm funny).

...France, one the western civilization's greatest nations that has given the world so much in the arts and sciences has become an irrelevant running joke.  And while its is indeed fun to beat the frogs about the head and shoulders, it is a sad state of affairs as well.  Might also be a big honkin' object lesson to folks in other parts of the "Western World."

...The GW Colonial babes take on Tennessee tonight in the women's tourney.  The guys got Duke in the second round, and the chicks get the Montreal Canadians of girl's hoops.  Lovely.

March 20, 2006

...Watch a young man dutifully, cheerfully and determinedly dig a grave with his own hands in which to inter the cremains of his father and one's perspective is altered.  The chapter is not quite complete, but the final passages are but a turn of a page away.  All have returned to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor where normal operations will resume this morning.  It is believed that the trail that has been jarring with numerous ruts and bumps is now transitioning into a smoother road ahead---one with less angst, diminishing sorrow and the opportunity to gaze forward to a bright promising destination.  Again, our family cannot begin to thank the many friends and neighbors who have been so supportive through these difficult times.  We shall never be able to repay the kindness, but are no less appreciative for the care and love shown.

...Given the hectic nature of the past weekend, Suttle World must examine the brackets carefully to determine who is still in play.  Though painfully aware that George Washington and Carolina have fallen by the wayside, there would seem to be few left in which to take any personal interest.  Instead, we shall wait until Thursday and begin the Sweet Sixteen weekend in preparation for the second High Holy Day of the Sports calendar that coincides with April's Fools Day.  Lost in the shuffle was the women's tournament, where the Colonial Babes of GW advance to take on dreaded Tennessee.

...Memo to Secretary Rumsfeld:  feel free to submit your resignation to Suttle World, and rest assured that it will be passed appropriately along the chain of command.  Another suggestion would be to cut the Secretary a check for $6 billion for hurricane relief and just call it a day.

...The rite has been practiced long enough that Suttle World believes it now fully understands the drill.  150,000 people pay lots of money to sit in traffic and rain for the pleasure of enduring 200 db noise in the midst of noxious fumes to not observe cars make left hand turns for three hours.  Suttle World gave consideration to attending the first NECKCAR event at the Atlanta Motor Speedway this past weekend, but decided to jab a pen through its eye instead---less costly, painful and time consuming.   Postponed due to rain, the Pickup Some Extra Chew for Ma 500 will be ridden out today in front of 74 fans, two-thirds of whom are still unconscious following yesterday's postponed festivities.  "Go number 12," and best wishes to whichever Dale, Ernie or Ricky who wins the event.

...Still have no idea from where the wi-fi signal was accessed for the emergency Suttle World publication yesterday, but the entire staff is much obliged---probably not as obliged as those who were able to grab all the personal and financial info that was "broadcast" and now there for the taking, but thankful nonetheless.

March 19, 2006

...Houston, we have a problem. PC and/or Comcast are having some problems at this writing as has been the case for the past 36 hours or so. Should today's edition of Suttle World be published it is only through the Herculean labors of obtaining blank CDs at 6:00 am; transferring thousands of files from PC to laptop; prayer for the transfer to work; and then the unknown courtesy of some neighbor's wi-fi connection that the lap top has been able to locate. Fortunately, a detailed plan of how to overcome such obstacles was already in place---printed and placed neatly next to the duct tape and plastic sheeting.

...There is much to say, but Suttle World is of the opinion that those notions require another day of fermentation prior to being served up for the gentle surfer. For now, because of the very hard and courageous work of the world's greatest wife, Yolanda, her brother Tony Roberts received a dignified send off yesterday with which all involved were pleased. Ridge Roberts is hands down 15 year old man of the year, and his sister is a strong beautiful young woman. Much more to come, but allow the brief Sunday update to end with many thanks to those who have been such a help, especially neighbors Cindy and Deidre (I got it right in the spell check in the other puter---so its a coin toss today; my bad). We are enriched and reaffirmed in the love and devotion of both these friends and many others. "May the god of your choice bless you."

...Come on---did you really think Suttle World thought GW would beat Duke? 

March 17, 2006

...Yes, Suttle World must confess that as the ticker in the top right hand of the screen on the television in room 120 of the Quality Inn in Calhoun, GA ticked over to an 18 point lead for UNC-Wilmington last night there was some concern regarding the mighty fighting Colonials; but the gentle surfer can rest assured that hope was never lost, and now the gentle surfer understands why.  Saddled with LSU/Iona, and the CBS web site crashed, all one could do was to listen to the streaming play by play and watch the aforementioned ticker.  In lieu of a lengthy break down of last night's action, Suttle World, instead, offers the following insight:  SCOREBOARD!  The gentle surfer will also note the scoreboard finished at 88-85 in GW's favor, easily covering the two and a half points that was the line when Suttle World bellied up to the window yesterday afternoon.  The Colonials survive a team that was shooting 68% from the field at one point, so bring on JJ and the Dookies.  Great team, yeah?  Vulnerable?...ask Carolina and FSU.  Duke is an early 8.5 point favorite.

...In the more serious reality portion of life some dust is settling.  Arrangements for a memorial service for Tony Roberts have been made for tomorrow (Saturday) afternoon, and are listed below.  Today shall be one of travel, wardrobe checks and the like in anticipation of same.  Many mysterious elements of this mortal coil are often met with intense frustration---seemingly having no justice, rhyme or reason.  Upon further reflection, perhaps it is the mystery that is much more entertaining than that knowing of the answers.  What we do know is that a man will never have a better son than Ridge, nor a better sister than Yolanda.  Their grace under pressure is a wonder to behold.

March 16, 2006

...It is with deep regret that I report this morning that Ridge and Jessica have lost their father and that Yolanda has lost her brother, as George Anthony (Tony) Roberts passed away shortly after 4:00.  Tony was 50, and is also survived by his parents, George and Doris Roberts, and his younger sister Casie.  No arrangements has been made at this writing.  Updates will be posted when appropriate.  It has been a long difficult road for those mentioned above.  Soon they shall find comfort in Tony's peace and begin the process of recovery and pressing forward.  Ridge is no longer a kid.  He is now a young man who has dealt with these most trying times with the grace and dignity that I shall never forget, and in which I shall forever find inspiration.

...A memorial service for Tony Roberts has been set for 2:00 Saturday afternoon at the Nellie Peters United Methodist Church in Calhoun, Georgia.  A gathering of family and friends will assemble at the Wall Street Trading Co. on Main Street in Calhoun.  All are welcome to celebrate and honor Tony's memory.  An obituary will appear tomorrow (Friday) in the Calhoun Times.

March 15, 2006

...Ibid.

March 14, 2006

...No significant change of note this morning, excepting that this brief update is brought to you this morning from lovely Calhoun, GA.  All continue to do exceedingly well under the circumstances.

March 13, 2006

...The breathtaking beauty and splendor that calls the most inexperienced and innocent among us to instinctively act nobly in the face of unexplainable tragedy is both humbling and affirming to witness.  Fifteen year old nephew Ridge confronts today and the coming week as a young man who has found himself, albeit perhaps unknowingly while still on the field of battle.  The epitome of respect and dignity, I am a much better person for his presence in my life the past several years and will continue to improve at a much better clip should I take the opportunity to watch even closer in the many days to come.  This continues to speak well of his father, and from whence Ridge came.

...A brief note is required to acknowledge the passing of Bernie Geoffrion.  Da Boomer immediately stamped a face and personality on an expansion franchise that would serve for the greatest sports times of my life.   Great coach?  Not really.  Good color guy/broadcaster?  No, word has it he made no more sense speaking French than he did attempting English.  But he did invent a little thing we like to call the slap shot and lit it up 50 times one season---the first ever to do so.  Boom-Boom was a very important and delightful part of my life and many who I am privileged to call friends.  He was one tough son of a bitch.  He was in terrible pain every day of his adult life, and he always had a smile on his face, at least when he had to.  Larry and I will always recall the skid mark barometer:  end of 1st period, Flames 2 Islanders 0, and nothing.  Turn that score around and there'd be two black rubber heel skid marks made by Geoffrion between the bench and corner where teams left for the dressing rooms.  Sleep well coach.

March 12, 2006

...Presented for your Sunday coffee enjoyment, yet another installment from

...It would now seem appropriate to make public mention of the grave nature of the health of nephew Ridge's father and Yolanda's brother, Tony Roberts'.  At present he is entering his third week of hospitalization.  His prognosis is poor.  It is out of respect for the parties involved in this most difficult affair combined with the duties associated with same that Suttle World will suspend publication, sans the obligatory daily updates, until such a time that is deemed appropriate.  Any further updates shall appear both here and on the home page. 

March 11, 2006

...Much of the time here is devoted to those  happenings called news as they unfold around this whacky planet of ours, but the past week has found Suttle World more out of touch than usual with that parallel universe known by some as the real world.  That remains the case at this writing, so if Suttle World overlooks some tactical nuclear exchange somewhere for a short while, it is hoped that the gentle surfer will be understanding.  See boys and girls, stately Roberts/Suttle Manor is in DEF COM 5 mode at present, and Suttle World does not wish to be cryptic, but will decline to expound on any details out of respect for the privacy of those involved (none of whom is an immediate stately Roberts/Suttle Manor resident, though all here are dramatically affected).  Suffice to say its just a freakin mess that will in short time settle.

...We've already got Mother's Day and Father's Day.  The greeting card industry has attempted, with varying degrees of success, to foist other "holidays" on us as well such as Grandparent's Day and What Used to be Called Secretaries Day.  Suttle World proposes another such date be added to the calendar.  Another lame obligatory holiday, asks the gentle surfer recoiling in horror?   No, Suttle World proposes a holiday with some teeth in it:  In-Law's Day:  a day when you can reach out and bitch slap someone.  All the sappy, teary eyed Hallmark moments put together could not equal the emotional satisfaction of just one such In-Law's Day.  Of course, someone or something will have to adjudicate as to which in-law gets to whoop on the other, but don't bother me with semantics here---I'm on a roll damn it!

...Speak of bitch slapping and the name Barbara Streisand immediately comes to mind.  OK, so she's an incredibly tedious public figure (and highly overrated too, but that's another...) who repeatedly says really stupid things.  Fair enough, this is America and all, but what is disturbing is that there are actually people out there waiting to hear what this moron has to say about anything as an aid in making choices of their own.  Suttle World repeats the refrain ("with four the four part harmony") that a voter competency test may well be the salvation of this great Republic.  "Literacy" tests were indeed de facto codified racism BITD.  Making sure idiots don't vote has no racial motivation, and therefore is not precluded by the Constitution nor any code of decency and righteousness.

...Coming in the special Sunday Edition of Suttle World is the latest installment in as our intrepid Lone Star correspondent checks in about getting taxes straight, Texas style.  Cause, you know, everything's bigger in Texas, including the mass delusion regarding the size of one's own penis.  Much obliged cuzin Matt.  Suttle World would ask that God bless you and Kelly, but the way Suttle World has it figured:  a) God doesn't require Suttle World's assistance and b) God has, once again, beaten Suttle World to the punch.

...My wife is an amazing person, and I am grateful for each day I have with her.  

...No, Suttle World has not conveniently ignored GW's loss in their first A10 Tournament game against Temple Wednesday.  The Colonials should beat Temple, but keep in mind:  1)the tourney is in Cincinnati, 2)John Chaney may be an a-hole, but he and his kids always bring it, and 3)this gets the streak over and a few extra days rest before things begin for real next Thursday and Friday.  Another advantage of the GW elimination, is that its one less distraction from ACC and other action over the weekend.  Today may afford the first opportunity to really watch a game.  Also from the Colonial perspective, this gives the selection committee the wiggle room they wanted with GW and can now justify making the best record in the country a #4 or 5 seed.  Suttle World would go so far as to hope they advance to the sweet sixteen here in Atlanta where tickets are still available at the Dome, but at $110 a throw from 500 feet away, maybe TV is the better choice even should that come to pass.  Its the most wonderful time of the year.

...Enough for a Saturday morning---the beginning of the end of a very long week, preceding an anticipated coming longer week, but there are no salt water, man eating crocodiles in the front yard, so we aint gonna complain.

March 10. 2006

March 9, 2006

...A truly remarkable 60 hours.  Details to follow.  Let the record show that Suttle World did indeed make the obligatory updates as 9:00 pm Thursday March 9, 2006, by God.  500 miles today.  More when author isn't getting a two for one deal in the screen characters department.

March 8, 2006

...The opportunities to thieve someone else's wif-fi connect comes and goes, but suffice to say that the obligatory updates have been made and Suttle arrived safely in lovely Wilmington, NC from where Suttle World is being published both today and Thursday. Friday on is a piece of cake with full access to broadband service.

...Off the get the fine 16 foot budget truck and have it loaded by folk of considerably more fortitude than Suttle World has to offer, and then its off to lovely Flat Rock. There's no piano moving involved, but a few pieces of furniture and then the endless array of sundries always involved in the worst of all human experiences: moving. Is their a patron saint of folks moving? Gotta be. There's a patron saint for everything from travelers to the constipated, so whomever your bad cannonized self is, dear mother and I ask that you bless our efforts today. Let's see: that's spectacles, testicals, left, right? Idol worshiping Godless heathens are encouraged to enlighten Suttle World of such things.
t than that of the other great unwashed at Hartsfield.  

March 7, 2005

...Happy Birthday to the world's greatest wife, Yolanda who turns 28 (Martian years) today.  I love you and look forward to the next 28 Martian years together.  And here I sneak off in the dark of early thirty to tend to necessary but comparably insignificant duties when the onus that is the status quo weighs mightily on those who dwell within stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.  But it is Yolanda's strength and courage in the face of seemingly overwhelming times that led me to be desirous and most humbly gratified to have her with me in all waking and many sleeping hours.  My wife can kick your wife's ass.  Bring on your celestial anomalous hardships, for I shall merely stand back and watch my spouse vanquish them with the ease of not smoking a cigarette.  At stately Roberts/Suttle Manor we may not be the sharpest knives in the drawer, but we have the wisdom to "repeat the words The Dictators are saying:"  We stand tall! And we stand proud of what we are!    

...Should hook up with Mr. MARTA bus driver at the top of Duesenberg Drive around 5:30 this morning and begin the adventure of making a connection in Charlotte to get to Wilmington to rent a 16 foot truck to drive 335 to the other end of North Carolina.  A more enchanting time to cease smoking simply can't be had.  ETA in Wilmington is just after noon with the only concern being making the connection that only affords 40 minutes of wiggle room.

...Suttle World should be able to continue to update the site during the hiatus, but there are some variables that Suttle World has yet to determine.  Stay tuned.

...Yes, the new poll on the Suttle World Homepage is really cool too.  Vote early and vote often.  Off for the full body cavity search compliments of the Transportation Safety Administration; and, yes now that you mention it, I will take fries with that too.

March 6, 2006

...Well that only took, like, all day...Yes, boys and girls, minus a few snafus here and there, its a new and improved Suttle World homepage you'll be gazing at until I decide to change it again.  And once again, Bill Gates made the changes as torturous as possible.  Suttle World continues on its life long quest to find a Microsoft application that doesn't really suck.

...Nephew Ridge and I did the premature birthday thing last night, lighting candles on a cake already broken into (TWICE) and the awarding of some lovely token gifts.  The real big day isn't til tomorrow, but Suttle will be gone this time tomorrow, so...

...Speaking of which another "trial" membership has been set up with gotomyPC, so Suttle World may or may not have the capacity to update.  If so, it may be a bit later in the morning than one might expect.  The gentle surfer is encouraged to check in Wednesday afternoon to see how things are working out.

...Well, its the early morning of the first full smoke free day.  An update of casualty figures is set to be released later today.  Reckon:  1) Its gotta happen now and 2) quitting is as difficult as I choose to make it, fully believing that most are under the delusion that nicotine is the most addictive stuff on the planet, when, in fact, it is not.  Unfortunately, its that delusion that continues to kill and sicken many a tobacco abuser (believing his or her addiction too mighty to conquer and never trying to quit). Its a notion that's constantly beat into our collective psyches by a well meaning media, government and  medical community. Yes, nicotine is addictive, but, long story short, its not the 500 pound gorilla that its been made out to be. Withdrawal, no big deal.  Re-habituation, now that's where the more difficult tasks lies, but being out of one's element (stately Roberts/Suttle Manor) for the next week should, in fact, help, as Suttle is not physically capable of much of his daily routine.

...Little else to bring on this Monday morning.  Updates as they occur, or as the opportunity presents.  Will update with latest college hoops polls when released later this morning.

March 5. 2006

...Basketball is fun.  Of the many regular season finales played out yesterday, the mighty fighting Colonials of GW were involved in of the most exciting and improbable finishes of a game one is apt to see, both in regulation and OT.  Meanwhile, the Tarheels of UNC roll over to Durham and put an ass whooping on #1 (for now) Duke in Cameron.  Reckon those Duke pencil necks are a might sore this morning after a day of bopping around only to get bopped when they began play at 9:00.  Conference tournaments this week and 7 days til selection Sunday.  And so begins the greatest sports extravaganza on the planet.

...The gentle surfer is implored to read When I inquired about the occasional submission from Texas, I had full expectations of excellent efforts.  In previous extended emails, it became apparent that Bruner was a scribe extraordinaire, so in my haste, I simply cut and pasted.  Only then did I go back to read Matt's offerings.  His work is the epitome of good writing and serves as template for us all as we struggle to peck at the keyboard.  This is a man with a book in him---not to be confused with delusion shared by many who think they have a book in them.  Regardless, Suttle World is most grateful and humbled by his stellar work.

...The gentle surfer is also advised that Suttle World will be on hiatus March 7-12, and most likely will not be updated during that period of time.  Normally, Suttle World turns the keys over to the world's greatest wife, but her schedule will be that much more hectic in my absence...Don't despair.  Instead consider it giving up something for Lent or some such.  Any volunteers who wish to drop Suttle off at a "nearby" MARTA station about 6:00 Tuesday morning, please contact me as soon as possible.

March 4, 2006

...Our thoughts and prayers are with the Waring family as we hope for a full and speedy recovery for Mrs. Waring (hell no I don't know her first name---she's Mrs. Waring.  See, boys and girls, BITD there was something called respect...) who is, unfortunately, currently hospitalized in Florida.  Cuzin Paul reports that he will be in Naples tomorrow and that the prognosis appears to be good.

...Another superbly crafted essay from the Lone Star State comes to the gentle surfer this morning courtesy of our official Suttle World Texas correspondent Matt Bruner.   Yes, these most welcome submissions may come as a shock to the system of the gentle surfer in that they are words of depth and substance that is in marked contrast to the remainder of Suttle World.  With intellectual content such as this can wearing shoes or moving up to the brand name denture adhesive be far behind?  Gotta run---pa needs his bucket emptied.

...What the hell, pa can wait---not like its seeping over the top yet. Suttle World reminds the gentle surfer that the SIXTH RANKED 25-1 mighty fighting Colonials of George Washington University play their final regular season game of the year at the Smith Center in DC this afternoon against UNC- Charlotte (ESPN2 2:00).  GW will get a bye in the first round of the A10 tournament (Cincinnati) and will not play until the second round next Thursday at noon against the winner of the eventual #8 v. #9 seeds, that, at this writing, could be any of 5-6 different schools.  The NCAA Tournament cannot begin soon enough.  And, of course, you've got one of the greatest regularly scheduled sporting events on the planet tonight as the diaper dandies of Carolina make the brutal 15 mile commute to Durham to take on #1(for now) Duke (ESPN 9:00). 

...The FSU debacle Wednesday night is still most disturbing.  It was a metaphor for everything that is Seminole athletics, and  just flat ass wrong about "college" sports.  As an unofficial spokesman for the ACC, Suttle World proposes a trade with the SEC.  We'll give FSU and Virginia Tech for Vandy and Kentucky (or, hell we'll take Georgia if you drive a hard bargain).   Suttle World's alumni activities involve only reading box scores and occasionally commenting on same, but it would certainly generate lots of letters of outrage regardless of their effect if GW ran its railroad in a similar matter.  While we're at it, Suttle World also officially announces that it is available for any AD position currently open or should be.  The press conference would go something like this: (just a short sweet written statement)

"Please note the word University.  This is an institution of higher learning and we will hold our student athletes to the same standards of academic performance as that of the rest of the student population.  Any student athlete, regardless of sport or stature, involved in any incident that reflects negatively upon the University shall be immediately suspended from school and subject to expulsion.  Any student found to be on a field of play without authorization will be expelled from the University.  No exceptions.  Any student found to be under the influence or in possession of alcohol at a University sporting event shall on the first offense be suspended from school and expelled from the University on any subsequent incident.  No exceptions.  We also would like to announce that we are presently involved in negotiations with several dozen prominent schools who have shown an interest in setting similar standards, and telling the NCAA to go fuck itself.  Our plan is to form our own organization and pay these kids a few bucks for the millions our schools make selling gear, TV rights, etc... with their names on it.  Further announcements are forthecoming.  That is all." 

March 3, 2006

...Somebody just keeps filling the barrel with fish...

...It has long been established that Americans, denizens of the greatest nation state to ever grace to planet, as a whole are dumber than dirt and collectively wallow in a culture of ignorance, but the well discussed poll numbers released yesterday stupefy even those who have a firm grasp of the above proposition.  Only 28% of those surveyed could name even ONE of the five freedoms enumerated in the First Amendment of the Constitution.  No longer will Suttle World grumble about voters in this country having only the choice between paper and plastic, as they obviously cannot distinguish the two to begin with.  (Grammar cops who wish to critique the  the last sentence for ending in a preposition must first list the five freedoms prior to submitting complaints.)

...Only 10% of China's land mass is arable.  Or to put it another way:  China has a third the world's population and 7% of the planet's land on which to grow food.  These numbers a vaguely off-putting as the Communist nation becomes that much more Faster and Louder.

...Suttle World take great delight and amusement in its study of modern medicine, but after several telephone conversations yesterday, the ducks were finally all put in a row---the Suttle schedule now has 10 doctor's appointments on the calendar between now and the first week of May, including two out-patient surgical procedures.  Though grateful that one is able to avail oneself of these healers, Suttle World also wonders if there's a frequent "turn you head and cough" club for which it could be earning miles/points/green stamps or some such.  The lollipops just aren't cutting it any more.  And does the gastroenterologist call or send flowers?  No, just a snap of the glove and instructions to roll onto the left side.

...We thank thee oh Lord for another no store bought heat day so that doctors may be paid in lieu of the gas company.

...The 2006 Braves schedule has been printed and is now proudly displayed on the wall of Suttle World headquarters.  A quick check of the web site does not reveal any of the single game 2 for one deals offered last season, but suspects they'll show up around the time play begins April 3 in LA against the Dodgers.

...Berkshire Hathaway was up 100 points yesterday to close at $87,000/share even.  Suttle World shall not even attempt to question the old guy---Warren seems to be doing very well, thank you; but the gentle surfer is reminded that Berkshire has trailed all the major indices over the past five years.

atrina evacuees/parasites sue FEMA for being booted from their free/taxpayer paid cruise ship cabin or hotel room after a third extension ends 6 months after the fact...

...Arizona bans women from selling their own ovum.  Were the sperm banks shut down?... (sorry about the pic---its just too damn funny)

...Idiots on both sides of the aisle are getting confused by the facts regarding the UAE port authority deal...

...The thrill of beating a #1 team on your home floor in an ACC game is about as good as it gets.  Unfortunately, FSU is about as bad as it gets in the class department.  The decision to let this "school" into the conference was a great business move, but very questionable in the integrity department of which last night's outrageous end of game riot was a metaphor.  Its not as though the Seminoles are the Lone Ranger here.  There are "schools" o plenty to call out in the same manner.  Its just that they're not in the Atlantic Coast Conference.  Let's take the roll again:  Duke, UNC, Wake Forest, Virginia, Boston College...FSU does not compute in this equation.  Alas, to lend any real consideration to the subject forces one to examine "college" athletics in general----a farce at every institution of higher learning in the country (Div I) that Suttle World has long since chosen to ignore in order to enjoy the games.  The sooner the NCAA tournament gets here, the sooner the gentle surfer will be spared tedious paragraphs such as this.

...GW wins its 16th straight over Our Ladies of the Punctured Lung.  See last sentence of previous take.  25-1 now, Win, win, win...Just rest up Pops.  It aint on til two weeks from today.

...And the winner is American Airlines!  Three roundtrip tickets Atlanta to LaGuardia (non stop) for a grand total of $411. The goal was to get it under $600.  Damn, I'm good.  Yes, it would be nice if our accommodations were a bit closer than Newark, but the commute is actually much easier and cheaper than one might think, especially in the Suttle World travel light school/gulag of shlepping.  Now just wait 10 weeks or so.  The Birthday Bash lineup for this year has yet to be announced, and in reality, probably won't be that impressive, but its a hell of an excuse for a getaway and one Suttle World is of the opinion that Jihadist Cadet nephew Ridge is somewhat anticipatory.  Our 5:30 arrival Thursday (May 18) will afford a night on the town.  And then two full days to play in Manhattan with our return passage from EWR around 3:00 Sunday.  This will certainly be the most leisurely pace for any Hajj to date or any of many trips to NYC that Suttle World can recall.

March 1, 2006

...March comes in like a lion in academia---with an obligatory mid-term this morning.  Ergo, little to bring but much to surf with the new month---see home page and Bruner's essay published yesterday if the gentle surfer has yet to avail themselves.

...Suttle World wanted to bring the NYC air fare for 3 folks in under $600---an ambitious project, but accomplished around 5:00am yesterday.  $411 for three non-stop r/t tix to LaGuardia, including all fees, taxes and other miscellaneous bullshit.  Damn, I'm good.

   
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