Archives---June 2009
June 28 - July 1, 2009...The Billy Mays grieving continues...
June 28, 2009 And everyone thought it was Col. Mustard
...Props to Kevin O'Leary of Time for discovering the genesis of California's current financial meltdown. O'Leary guessed the contents of the secret envelope on his first try. Howard Jarvis did it, in the voting booth in 1978, and the weapon was Proposition 13. Game over; and now we take it back up to the booth for a little Suttle World post game analysis. Suttle World is not exactly a fan of the referendum, but it is the prerogative of the Golden State to use the democratic process to set policy (democracy being defined as three wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner). Back in the olden days (1978) California voters passed Proposition 13 that basically mandates "super majorities"/two-thirds consent for most any tax increase. This was a set back to the "progressives," and the oxygen deprived environment in which they dwell. Proposition 13 did not outlaw the buying of votes, it just made it a lot harder to pay for them. O'Leary's right. If Californians had just gone along with massive tax increases over the past 20 years, this current fiscal crisis would not be in place. It would have happened 15 years ago because of the increased taxes, and California would be rebuilding itself out of third world status. Instead, the poop was stored, and is now being impelled into the blades of the proverbial fan all at once. Spending? Suttle World would admonish the gentle surfer to shake itself. Votes cannot be continued to be bought without continued increases in spending. And so just as Mr. O'Leary has successfully found the culprit in California, Suttle World has discovered a preview of coming attractions for the federal government. No, Prop 13 doesn't star in this show, but the plot line has many similarities---sorta like the Jason movies.
...While visiting the west coast this morning...Yes, Suttle World will confess to having watched more than one stand up report from in front of the Los Angeles County Coroner's office in recent days. These occasions have not been accompanied with corrective vision wear, but Suttle World is certain that the Coroner's signage has a red LED message crawler across the bottom. Why, and what does it say? "Over 1 million bagged and tagged.?" "If you were dead, you'd already be home.?"
...If President of the United States, Suttle World or the gentle surfer would have access to all the latest and greatest gadgetry. Consequently, there would seem to be little effort involved in setting up an auto-email each morning from a hand held device to Kim Jung Il with a quick note: "We've gotten a lot better since," and attaching a .jpg file of Hiroshima or Nagasaki c/ 1945. Suttle World could have a hell of a lot of fun for the 3-4 months it would survive in office.
...Old farts in the US have much better memories than do their counterparts in the UK. The author of the study of the cognitive recognition of 75 year olds speculated that higher education and income levels in the United States may be an explanation, resulting in sharper minds going into old age. Suttle World would suggest the author run a quick two tailed analysis regarding a correlation with the number of TV stations offered to the average US geezer as opposed to the UK's.
June 27, 2009 Death takes
...Suttle World hurtled through triple digit ambient air temperatures from the upstate of South Carolina to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor yesterday just in time to, rather unexpectedly, hear the most succinct and accurate takes of Michael Jackson to date expressed by Kornheiser and Wilbon during the airing of their regular (M-F, 5:30 EDT), most excellent ESPN Pardon The Interruption sports talk/commentary show. Kornheiser (61): "There were three guys: Sinatra, Elvis and Michael Jackson." Wilbon (50) commented that his 15 year run between '69-84 was unprecedented in the entertainment world, leaving the past 25 years of strife, both artistically and personally, for others to yammer on about endlessly. Both are dead on, so to speak. Suttle World went through this in the summer of 1977 when Elvis left the building, and Suttle World's finds a very brief perusal of news coverage of Jackson's death to be deja vu all over again, only with lots o TV satellites. It would appear there's even a Dr. Nick deal in the mix of the most recent ordeal too (not necessarily the MD present when he keeled over, but somewhere). His death, like much of the past 20 years of his life (about the time he signed the BILLION dollar deal with Sony) is sad and strange, but its also the tabloid side of Jackson. That said: the gentle surfer is probably much like Suttle World in that it never had considered Jackson's death prior to Thursday. But if the gentle surfer or Suttle World had, it likely wouldn't immediately create the mental image of an 87 year old Michael Jackson writing children's books? No, the the gentle surfer that wanted to win the death pool would probably throw Jackson in as a late draft pick in any given year. Wasn't he destined to go out in such a manner, just like Elvis? Now back to that 15 year run (1969-84) of which Wilbon spoke. He was Elvis or Sinatra---both of whom had to reinvent themselves several times due to scandal or poor management (maybe like Jackson was about to do). Suttle World's bottom line: Jackson was one of the great entertainers of the 20th century (maybe top 5), and like many of his peers, he left well before the mandatory check out time. Suttle World sets the return rate over/under at 50% regarding the nearly 750,000 tickets sold for the planned 50 shows in London that cost an average of $100. Memo to the really big fan: a lot of the vigil stuff is really silly. See: Diana.
...Farrah Fawcett's death was tragic, but an expected made for TV event. Suttle World is awed by Fawcett's eagerness to share the often very ugly and often not very successful treatment protocols for cancer patients, that proved to be the case for her. It strikes Suttle World that a woman who shall forever be known for one of the most ubiquitous posters of all time---a poster that launched a trillion teen erections, who is eager to reveal that very ugly side is a well adjusted and courageous person.
...OK, that's all the gentle surfer gets on the death watches. Suttle World shall keep to SOTD and the badly in need of an update, Hillbilly Dictators Jihad; and leave the rest of "entertainment" coverage to others.
...Memo to Senate Republicans: Suttle World understands that your party is a leaderless, fractured group---wandering aimlessly in the wilderness. For God's sake, a second term Senator from South Carolina is toting most of your water in the form of Lindsey Graham. OK, Suttle World can work with this, given the GOP pretty much sucked when the party held power in the legislative branch (or anywhere). Here's a place to start. "Obama Implores Senate to Pass Climate Bill" read the headlines. You guys can put together 41 votes to stop it. Its a nice start. The mid-term election is less than 18 months hence. Even with a high suck quotient (SQ), surely you would prefer your legacy to be "well, I tried to stop the fall of the Republic," as opposed to "well, we just went along cause times were tough."
...Wiffle Atlanta cranks up action this afternoon following a hiatus for Father's Day. Suttle World said it would attend. Suttle World has a call into its agent, Dirk Bremen. There's got to be some fine print about it being over 100° on the playing surface. The low for the ATL was 70° this morning. Ambient conditions have only worsened up to this writing, and will continue to further deteriorate/melt under a forecasted high of 94 hazy degrees.
June 26, 2009
...Its a travel day for Suttle World, but that does not make
it oblivious to the earth shattering news of the past 24 hours. Lorraine Volzke, 83, of Aberdeen passed away Thursday, June 25, 2009, at Avera St. Luke's Hospital.
Arrangements are pending with Schriver's Memorial Mortuary and Crematory in
Aberdeen, SD. She will, no doubt, be missed by family and loved
ones. Thoughts regarding the deaths of others will have to wait until a
later date.
...What does not have to wait any longer is a past due posting
of cuzin Matt's latest stellar installment of Bruner's
Texas Takes
June 25, 2009
...Yep, SC Governor Mark Sanders has got to go. His "disappearance" was malfeasance, and it was probably the strangest political event of its kind that Suttle World can ever recall. That said: Suttle World doesn't believe a consult with Dr. Freud is necessary to determine that this is a guy pleading for help. His actions of the past week fall just shy of hiring a plane to sky write "help me."
...Props to LSU on their 2009 College World Series crown captured last night in Omaha.
...The estimated cost of the Obama health care plan is $1.6 TRILLION---more than the amount of federal income tax collected in any given year. Suttle World never got around to the entire Health Care 101 treatise, so here's a possible bottom line. This "48 million uninsured Americans" is bullshit! The fact is that there are about 8 million Americans who are "chronically uninsured," and they got problems, brother. Use whatever system the gentle surfers chooses, but it won't cost $1.6 TRILLION to get those 8 million to a doctor, and all others won't be subject to charity hospital like care. Toss them under the Medicare umbrella and move on---until it and Social Security collapse under their own weight in a few years. At that point, the gentle surfer will be pre-occupied by many things other than PPOs.
June 24, 2009 Iranian illusions?
...Suttle World devotes a considerable amount of time beating President Obama about the head and shoulders, so it is with some enthusiasm that Suttle World retracts its inane veiled criticisms of the administration regarding Iran, and chides the gentle surfer that continues to do so. Yes, the guy desperately needs to look presidential, but whatever the current situation in Iran may be, what the hell is he supposed to do? Its an alleged internal affair, and of no greater concern to an American president than the Muslim rioting in and around Paris in the past couple years. "The sovereign state of Iran will immediately discontinue any efforts to maintain domestic order, or face nuclear annihilation." OK, so that's not an option, and its the only one that comes to Suttle World's mind at the moment. There's also the distinct possibility that the president is as clueless as the rest of the west with regard to what's really going on in Iran, or is complicit in the efforts of others to spin the situation in such a manner that also just happens to parallel the vital interests of the US. Is Suttle World the only entity on the planet that doesn't at least suspect that the recent election has been used very cleverly as a tool by any of a number of groups to create the illusion of a pending Iranian revolution? Its not a that Suttle World has a problem with such an effort...
...Suttle World busts some more cynical nads this morning, and then gets about the business of the day. While Suttle World may have issues with the current protocol in place for organ and tissue distribution, Suttle World has not doubts that Steve Jobs was, in fact, the "sickest patient" who was a candidate for the liver that he had swapped out yesterday. Adding insult to injury, Jobs also has gone from the designation of the "sickest patient" on the list of thousands awaiting the big phone call, to a post-op prognosis that is now officially termed "excellent." Sickest to excellent following a simple liver transplant! Its a freakin liver transplant!!!! Suttle World would prefer that no gentle surfer endure any infirmity in its future, but does advise that if the gentle surfer is going to get really, really sick, do it now. Somehow, Suttle World doesn't see "routine" liver transplants taking place under a socialized/single payer system/Obamacare plan.
June 23, 2009 McMahon not coming down for breakfast
...Suttle World is curious as to whether fans during the big band era played "air clarinets, trombones" and the like.
...At this writing, early reports are beginning to filter in on the death of Ed McMahon at the age of 86.
Those reports have now been confirmed by various other media organs. The litany of jokes aside (some better and more deserved than others), Suttle World believes it will take at least another decade to get a decent perspective on the first 50 years of TV; and when that picture becomes sharper, McMahon will have been a huge player. Figure in the number of Tonight Shows taped and voice overs performed, and he's one the great iconic figures of the medium.
...Iran...Suttle World has no clue, nor does anyone in the west not affiliated with a competent intelligence agency. The scale, "leadership," and motivations remain elusive, and Suttle World still has no reason not to believe that the uprising, and much of the alleged, first-hand accounts via the internet, are the product of an organized effort planned and being executed outside the borders of the former Persia. Regardless, anything that makes the weird beards nervous works for Suttle World. Academically, its a fascinating story to watch unfold on a number of levels.
What Suttle World fails to find amusing is the silence, much less any type of
leadership, from the White House. Its Jimmy Carter 2.0---an "I told you
so" Suttle World is not likely to let go of over the next three and a half
years.
...Memo to mass transit: the trains are supposed to run on time, not on top of each other. A safety record like this would ground the entire US commercial air fleet, but because this is government run, a handful of casualties are just the cost of doing business.
June 22, 2009 Free golf
...Had ESPN been so kind as to show the grounds crew at Beth Page trying to get half of Long Island Sound back into the sea, Suttle World would have readily understood the seemingly late starts for the finals rounds of the 2009 US Open Championship. The final round resumes at 9:00 this morning. Eleven are within 7 strokes of the lead still held by PGA rookie Ricky Barnes. ESPN picks up coverage at 9:00, and hands it off to NBC at 11:00. Suttle World would guess a champion should be determined by 1:30---assuming an 18 hole playoff doesn't require play on Tuesday. A Suttle World take that doesn't include weather is its conclusion that there must be a beer concession somewhere on the course for the very thirsty NYC crowd.
...Its a transition/travel day for Suttle World, and may mark a further scaling back of the daily updates all gentle surfers have come to know and love. Suttle World itself should begin to take on a new look and tenor beginning on or about its sixth anniversary of publication in early July.
June 21, 2009 Mother nature quashes religious rite/Why you no start early?!!!!! (x2)
...Suttle World is really confused. Stipulated: some work during daylight hours is necessary to prepare a course for play, especially for US Open conditions, and then there are various logistical vagaries of holding such an event around Jones Beach State Park on Long Island. Still, when sunrise is at 5:30, why in the hell has play been suspended until 11:00 this morning to complete or begin the third round?---about the same time as the rain heavy rain is supposed to set in? Start everyone at 7:30, and they might have a shot at finishing 36 today---making both attendees and NBC very happy. And so third third of five High Holy Days of Sport on the 2009 calendar finds itself in uncharted territory---as in being pushed back at least until Monday. Your leader, of course, is Ricky Barnes. Yes, its been an atypical Open Championship.
...If state run media in Iran fesses up to 10 dead and hundreds injured in clashes with police, the unrest in Tehran must be real. Mazeltov to Israeli intelligence---where Suttle World is putting its money in an attempt to find a catalyst for these demonstrations, and managing the information flow from and about the region. This is even more brilliant than the nuclear hand grenade that Idi Amin insisted you used during the raid on Entebbe. For the gentle surfer who continues to insist that the Middle East adopt a more western appearance, this is the way its supposed to work---as opposed to the idiotic "Bush doctrine" that was intent on cramming self rule down the throats of 3rd world nations whether they like it or not. Suttle World also takes great comfort that the current White House is "closely monitoring the situation," and that Mrs. Clinton is expected to make a full recovery from her elbow fracture. Though, no doubt, uncomfortable and unruly, the sling should help to better determine the age old distinction between one's elbow and asshole---an accomplishment doubted possible by many observers of the former First Lady.
...Suttle World is breaking its promise to give the Health Care 101 lecture this morning due to weather that will delay its publication by at least one day.
...Welcome to summer that made its official appearance in and around stately Roberts/Suttle Manor this morning . Over 35,000 gathered at Stonehenge to celebrate the solstice that was reached at 03:58 GMT Sunday (not to be confused with Father's Day---get it? damn, I'm funny) /7:58 am EDT. Sunset for the manor is scheduled for 8:51 "tonight" in the land of the midnight Mit)h.
June 20, 2009 Why you no start early?!!!!!
...For many of golf's "purists," The Open is the British Open Championship. Suttle World is not going to disagree with the Royal & Ancient, and its throngs of adherents. The British Open is the oldest of the four majors, and is played out on or around the real estate where the game was born; and oh, there's also that charming variable of the weather. Suttle World finally gets to the point: weather is, and typically will be a factor at the US Open, and is rarely mentioned in the bigger scheme of things. A howling gale off the Irish Sea is quaint. Ken Venturi came within a frog's hair of freakin' dying while literally staggering home to win the '64 Open at Congressional. So, this year its rain. Regardless, Mr. Weather often plays a large role in this major that Suttle World readily confesses to enjoying most, largely because its the toughest to win---BT or AT (before Tiger and after Tiger). OK, so that's out of the way. Suttle World gets it: there are still 156 players working and only 18 holes to use in order to get back on schedule following Thursday's wash out. Sunrise on Long Island was at 5:25 this morning. Why in the hell aren't groups starting at 6:30? The forecasts for this afternoon and Sunday are dismal, yet the first group to START their SECOND round doesn't tee off until 10:15. The second round has to be completed in order to make a cut. Its quite possible that players now well into the back nine of their second round when play was suspended last night due to darkness, could have to wait another 36-48 hours just to see if they will continue play/make the cut. Its whacky, and yes, the groups that got their second rounds going yesterday afternoon got to take advantage of Beth Page Black ---borrowing from the "these guys are good" department, and making Beth Page look like a muni, despite its well earned monster reputation and the addition of US Open conditions/rough in which the gentle surfer can loose domestic animals and small children. Given the odd circumstances, and distinct advantage enjoyed by those who got to play Friday afternoon and evening, Suttle World has no salient take, and can only hope the weather will hold off until as late as possible. Assuming a brisk, four hour round, the last group could finish the second round by 3:15 this afternoon. NBC picks up coverage at 10:00 this morning, and will presumably run all day with it---not a problem for Suttle World who very much wishes the field to be whittled down, and then have a chance to see how this track is really going to play.
...Props to Chris Berman who has been slightly less annoying than a bout of irritable bowl syndrome when assuming host duties on ESPN's coverage of the Open. This is uncharted ground for Berman in his long, storied, and mostly very tedious career. Buy Out Berman was one of Suttle World's original projects. Its still there, but the gentle surfers have failed to hold up their end of the bargain. Think/Google March of Dimes. Just a few bucks from a lot of people, and Chris can be picking out window treatments with Billy Packer (nope, not going there---just too damn easy).
...Yes, Suttle World would like to have a better idea as to exactly what is going on in Iran. For the time being, watching the media go nuts about not being able to cover the story will serve as amusement enough.
...Uncle Wally is reported to be gravely ill. Cronkite, who left the CBS anchor desk an astonishing 28 years ago, is 92.
...If the spirit and flesh move Suttle World, tomorrow's update will be Health Care 101. In the interim, the gentle surfer is asked to consider as to whether the president or any proponents of a single payer system/socialized medicine have said word one about the American epidemic of chronic disease? As we shall learn tomorrow, chronic disease is what's killing us in more ways than one; but an active, fit President Obama, to the best of Suttle World's knowledge, has had plenty to say about reshuffling the gentle surfers money and government mandated health care choices, but absolutely nothing about diet and exercise. If the federal government is going to run Suttle World's life, it would gladly trade a requirement to report for morning exercises in black pajamas at the town square for the chance to keep personal medical decisions between Suttle World and any given treating professional of its choice. Voluntarily have some chip implanted that records exercise and file it with your tax return for a walking credit. Stupid, no? Not nearly as stupid as what's been thrown on the table to date. More Sunday.
June 19, 2009 Beth Page bleak
...The US Open will resume play this morning, and a quick look at the forecast for Long Island leads Suttle World to believe that the championship will be completed no later than this time next week. The Suttle World meteorological department has issued a statement that, in part, states, "there's no way in hell, they'll finish 72 holes by sundown Sunday." NYC proper got over two and a half inches of rain yesterday. The torrents are supposed to subside today, and resume in full force for Saturday and Sunday. Suttle World was disappointed to not have been able to watch yesterday's action, but felt no compulsion to swing from a shower curtain as was no doubt the case with many at ESPN headquarters in Bristol, CT. After blocking out the entire day for golf programming that never came off, the network instead showed 1994 NBA playoff games and recent National spelling bees to fill the time.
...Speaking of weather...memo to Mother Nature: feel free to dial down the thermostat at your earliest convenience.
...Seniors on the University of North Carolina baseball team will return from Omaha empty handed a fourth and final time as the Tar Heels were eliminated last night by Arizona State in the College World Series. Pretty good run---just not nearly as good as it could have been. An odd note about the CWS. The event is right at 60 years old, and USC has won 12 national championships---twice as many as second place Texas. Still Texas is the all time leader in CWS wins with 80. USC is second with 74. Sure, the double elimination format explains some of the discrepancy, but its still a very odd set of numbers.
...Free to a good home: a large state of flux. Contact Suttle World for details.
June 18, 2009
...Gone fishin'
June 17, 2009 Midweek ramblings
...The launch of the shuttle Endeavour has now been pushed back to July 11th following two ixnayed launches in the past week due to a hydrogen leak. Fortunately for the gentle surfer, Suttle World has a less rigorous policy in place, and presses forward whether leaking hydrogen or not. As an aside, Suttle World finds it striking that a little less than a month stands between today and the 40th anniversary of Neil Armstrong going out for a walk with no mention noted by Suttle World to date.
...Suttle Word is shocked to learn of news released yesterday that Sammy Sosa actually failed a drug test back in 2003. All this time, Suttle World thought it was protein shakes that turned Sosa from the size of a jockey into a Mr. Universe candidate while becoming the only player in MLB history to hit 60 homers in three seasons.
...In varying degrees, every gentle surfer is familiar with the woes of the music industry. Actual sales have been down dramatically for over a decade for a litany of reasons---many of the record business' own doing. There's also the very real issue of competing technologies to deliver now "legal" music to listeners that doesn't require the purchase of a CD or download for which the gentle surfer has to pay. Its a brave new world. Sorta like 1925. After others worked out the glitches in Edison's phonograph (a recording could only be played once), the new miracle technology took off big time. The recording industry was born, and soon became a very profitable enterprise. Record sales in 1921 were over $100 MILLION ($1.2 BILLION in today's inflated currency). By 1925, a downturn in the economy and competition from radio had cut sales in half.
June 16, 2009 Iran take
...What, Suttle World has no Iran take? The gentle surfer lives in a Photoshop world, limiting Suttle World's ability to gain a true feel for the depth of protests currently taking place in Tehran, or the legitimacy of the elections that took place last week. Suttle World did find itself, for a brief instant, wondering why Jimmy Carter was not monitoring the balloting, until remembering the former president is a little touchy about the Iran thing. This much Suttle World does know (a point amplified by a few pundits this week): the average age of an Iranian is about 25. Iran is not the third world. These kids have IPods, cell phones, internet access satellite TV, and are well educated by any western standard. The whacky and poorly groomed old farts that now run the show (the Iranian "theocracy") has a very limited engagement, and some form of the despotic regime that has been in place since the last Iranian despot the US liked, the Shah, was deposed, will come to a close sooner rather than later. Herein lies the long term problem with Iran---transition, and as to exactly who gives the button to whom should Iran become a weaponized nuclear power. Nuclear proliferation isn't a Suttle World favorite, but it also isn't cause for great alarm---among stable nations. Even a good old fashioned dictator with a nuke operates under the mutually assured destruction doctrine, and is unlikely to trade the best gig in his particular little country for creating a single mushroom cloud that could only be savored for about five minutes. Unstable, nuclear nation states are a tad more disturbing to Suttle World. Word on the street has word on the streets of Iran indicating that the weird beards have adopted a secret mantra, "will the last mullah to leave the mosque, please push the button."
...Suttle World headquarters has been a quite environment for the past several days, and will remain so through tomorrow, as Bride of Suttle World and buddy Shay have retired to the Suttle World western NC satellite offices for a well deserved respite. Domestic animals now have a 4:1 edge over humans, and Suttle World strongly suspects they are plotting to take full advantage of the "strength in numbers" circumstances that they now enjoy.
...Jeanna Bryner, a writes for LiveScience.com that, "[a]fter more than 120,000 years trapped beneath a block of ice in Greenland, a tiny microbe has awoken. The long-lasting bacteria may hold clues to what life forms might exist on other planets." The hell with life on other planets, exclaims Suttle World! Let's investigate this "waking up" after 120,000 years deal. This could be a huge blow to the funeral industry, and may well make Ted Williams the smartest head in the room at the New Year's Eve party in 122,009.
June 15, 2009 Lakers champs
...Props to the Lakers on their 15th NBA title--won last night in game five over the Magic. Phil Jackson now has 10 rings.
...At this writing, the nation state commonly
known as North Korea is still fully visible on Google Earth, and Suttle World
has no idea why.
...Its a hectic Monday in Suttle World, but the short update turns out to be a bonus for the gentle surfer as Suttle World once again looks westward for another one of cuzin Matt's stellar installments of Bruner's Texas Takes
June 14, 2009 One more sanction, please
...North Korea's communist regime has warned of a nuclear war on the Korean peninsula while vowing to step up its atomic bomb-making program, and Kim Jung-Il's porn collection in defiance of new U.N. sanctions. Just the saber rattling of a nut, no? No. Its one thing to develop a nuclear program, its quite another to develop delivery devices and then threaten to use them in an offensive manner. Suttle World would respectfully suggest the U.N. add this sanction: dismantle now, or prepare for everything north of the 38th parallel to become the Gen. Curtis LeMay Parkway.
...Suttle World took over a month to thumb through the 300+ pages of Pure Goldwater. Published last year by John Dean (yes, that John Dean) and Barry, Jr., its basically a compendium of Goldwater writings, speeches and the like with the authors adding context in their self-stated mission of capturing the essence of the late great Arizonan, Barry Goldwater. The length required to complete the seemingly simple task was due in part to Suttle World's legendary bi-polar reading habits, and a desire to savor the tome. On a personal level it was a very enlightening assemblage. On a political plane, it was merely re-affirming. The true statesmen of this nation have long since left the building. Where once stood at least a few good men and women of honesty and courage, there are now only monuments and memorials. There is no pool of Goldwaters from which to even fantasize about placing in power, but Suttle World would feel a hell of a lot better if Mike Huckabee were currently at the helm. Both the book and the right reverend Huckabee are highly recommended by Suttle World.
...Suttle World finds itself increasingly aligned with the Michael Crichton take that, "I am certain there is too much certainty in the world."
...Suttle World is pleased to report that though somewhat contracted, Wiffle Atlanta continues to play on with vigor for its 2009 season. The same cannot be said of Suttle World and his adopted teammates---each of whom refused to execute against hittable pitching, in a scoreless, and therefore, winless twin bill. Surprisingly, Suttle World did work about four innings. Even more surprising is that Suttle World did not surrender many more runs than innings pitched---limiting pitches that traveled 150 feet in the other direction to solo shots, and aided mightily by stellar defense behind it. The true devotees were all present, and in fine form. Suttle World looks forward to its future episodic appearances as this year's campaign continues.
June 13,
2009 Pens win cup
...That two inch piece of pipe that constitutes a goal's frame is every bit as much a piece of goaltender's gear as is a stick, glove, blocker or leg pads/loafs. The Penguins Marc Fleury used the crossbar to his full advantage in the closing minute, makes a brilliant, heads up save in the final second, and in a flash, the Pittsburgh Penguins are the 2009 Stanley Cup Champions. It was simply great sports. Props to Detroit (and the game of hockey to a lesser degree). Almost 20,000 red adorned Red Wing fans did not flock to the exits when the final buzzer sounded. Instead, it appeared to Suttle World that almost all stayed for the Cup presentation, with most applauding the Pens hard fought win. Dee-troit city may little touch of the third world in southern Michigan, but Detroit knows hockey, and Suttle World is hard pressed to think of any other sports in which one could behold the spectacle that was the post game crowd last night. Evgeni Malkin is quite rightly your Conn Smythe Trophy winner, and perhaps the torch has been passed to another dynastic franchise. This brings the bigger picture into question---if a cup is won, and nobody is there to see it...
...If the Pittsburgh Penguins have won the Stanley Cup then it must be time for Suttle World to lumber over Decatur way, and make its first regular season appearance of the 2009 Wiffle Atlanta season---an appearance that is also its first since deemed pseudo retired, and humbly became the first inductee into the august institution that is the Wiffle Atlanta Hall of Fame. It is Suttle World's vague understanding that agent Dirk Bremen has signed Suttle World to a minor league contract with the Pirates---a rather odd assortment of both old friends and foes. The Pirates are the anchor of the league, now the only franchise to appear in each of the league's five seasons---a five year period in which the ball club has mastered the art of losing. Even when playing well, such as this year, with the league's leading hitter and pitcher, the Bucs are still true to form at 2-8. Will Suttle World step from the shadows of retirement and rescue the Pirates season that is circling the bowl in the Great Depression/Swine Flu Season? No, Suttle World has grown no younger, nor has its fine motor skills improved (or not so fine skills for that matter). Still, Suttle World shall stagger around, make use of a swing that resembles a grand mall seizure and grumble through the early doubleheader that starts at noon.
...Suttle World's mention of the compelling Chastity/Chaz Bono story yesterday evidently served as a "Niagara Falls" moment for one gentle surfer. Suttle World is pleased to bring it to the attention of other gentle surfers. Suttle World shall record it in the res ipsa loquitor file.
I feel that since I am a (somewhat) practicing lesbyterian, I can say what I am about to say without falling into political incorrectness. Kinda like rappers using the "N" word.
First of all, I resent the rather recent lumping of those of us penguins that like other penguins of the same gender all into one category, acronym, etc. This whole GLBT, Gay Lesbian Bi Transgender really chaps my ass. Which would probably be cool were I a gay man. But I digress. Gay/Lesbian was bad enough. Then throwing in the CRAZY, UNBALANCED, "on the down low" BI people was a little much. They are not gay. They are not the same as me. I have never had a good outcome when dating a bisexual woman, mainly because she still likes men and I don't. Thus the difference.
But transgender? WTF? Why can't Chastity be like every other bull-dyke out there and just give herself a snappy nickname like "Smoke", "Gator" or "BJ" and be done with it? Do we really need to know this about her? If I were unlucky enough to run into her at a party and mistakenly call her Chastity, couldn't she just punch me in the face and be done with it? Oh, and from what I've read, she actually may not be having "the surgery", just taping the boobs down and wearing men's clothes. Perhaps growing a beard, too.
It just gives the rest of us normal gay people a bad name. That's all I'm saying.
Thanks for the audience.
...Belated weekend takes of questionable character: Ben Stein shouts louder than most about the federal government having taken control of 72% of GM without a single act of Congress regarding same. Silly Ben, he worries about that hackneyed Constitution and separation of powers. In a weirdly related way, a notion occurred to Suttle World earlier in the week, as the weekday talkers' takes filtered in on last weekend's coverage of the 65th commemoration of the D Day invasion. There was mention of the obvious---soon the last veteran of World War II will shuffle off this mortal coil. That vet will also be the last to have fought in a war declared by Congress---the way the Constitution says its supposed to work. Perhaps the only thing the two have in common is a disgusting odor.
June 12, 2009 Game 7
...The 2008-2009 National Hockey League Season will be determined by a single game tonight in Detroit with the winner taking possession of the Stanley Cup---the most genuinely moving trophy presentation in all of professional sports. History (two-thirds of home teams have won game 7 finals) and the betting line favor the Red Wings who are 1.5 goal favorites over the visiting Penguins. Coverage begins at 8:00 on NBC---be there. Were Suttle World able to pick and choose its Five High Holy Days of Sport as the year meandered along, tonight would make the cut, but the sacred days are carved in stone on New Year's Day. That said: in the absence of widespread power outages or the need for the services of a Level I Trauma Unit, Suttle World is reasonably certain it can find a functioning TV set to take in tonight's action.
...South Korea is bracing for a possible third nuclear test by the North, which a U.S. official said was likely despite looming U.N. sanctions on the communist state for its previous test in May. Suttle World is unclear as to how a nation braces for the nuclear test of another. Is this a "duck and cover" deal? "Paging China. Would China please pick up the white courtesy phone."
...Suttle World devotes little time and space to
pop-culture, but its beginning to see the errors of its ways. There's real
interesting news out ther
e
that reminds Suttle World why young folk still long to be discovered sitting on
a soda fountain stool at Schwab's like Lana Turner, and enjoy the fame and
fortune that follows. Celebrity daughter Chastity
Bono (as in Sonny and Cher) is undergoing a sex change to become a man, her
publicist announced Thursday. This raises a number of questions for Suttle
World. First, why would Chastity/Chaz Bono need a publicist? Memo to
Chastity/Chaz: Suttle World PR Associates will gladly craft and read news
releases, as well as conduct interviews with the media organs regarding your
organ swap for a fraction of the price you're currently paying. Second, if
Suttle World were to have Dirk Bremen make an official announcement about the
Suttle World empire, it most likely would make no mention its genitalia.
Regardless, the bigger picture, is that Suttle World is losing tremendous
entertainment value by not paying much attention to the Entertainment Tonight
set. Its fun, such as the pictures to the right that appeared in today's
"Daily-News." The paper gives away the mystery by identifying
mother and daughter. Suttle World will let the gentle surfer play along at
home, and guess who is whom.
...Suttle World is a hideous smoker, and will not in any way shape or form tote tobacco's water. Still, facts are facts. Fact number one: smokers may be filthy, disgusting creatures, but they pay their own way. A consensus of governmental and anti-tobacco groups agree that cigarettes cost $100 billion a year in smoking related illnesses. The feds have now raised taxes on tobacco to $1/pack. US consumers buy about 180 billion packs a year. Add in the personal contributions made by smokers to their own health care bills, and those that light up are paying four times more than they cost in health care related expenses. There's also that premature death thing that will keep Social Security "solvent" for an extra few years. Fact two: outrageously priced cigarettes inflated by taxes has most unfortunate unintended consequences. Ask Canada. Their grand experiment a decade ago failed---dealing with the violence associated with smuggling just wasn't worth the effort. Please see: War on Drugs. The bill being signed today by the president to give greater government oversight over tobacco (that will eventually end up under control of the FDA) and the recent big tax increase, may accomplish everything but reducing cigarette consumption---a loft goal, just not a proper function of government.
June 11,
2009 Stephen
T. Johns 1970-2009
...The shooting death of security guard Stephen T. Johns at the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum yesterday is an unspeakable tragedy. The cowardly perpetrator would enjoy a detailed accounting of the event and his demented little life that lead to the killing. It won't come from Suttle World. The Johns family has not announced any final arrangements at this time.
...Yes, SOTD is a 1969 Isaac Hayes cover of the Jimmy Webb classic "By the Time I Get to Phoenix"---a 23 minute and 48 second version.
...Having now dispensed with the Great Depression of the 21st century and two wars, Congress is now considering legislation that would limit ad volumes to the average decibels of the TV show during which they appear. Currently FCC regulations limit volume to the highest decibel level heard on any given show. The bill is pursuant to an Executive Order that directed thousands of Americorps paid volunteers to live in private homes to adjust TV volume levels during commercial breaks for the remote control impaired. That order will expire in August, and Congress hopes to get the bill to the President's desk before the summer recess.
...California, the Welfare State, has long been the trend setter for the nation, and in the absence of a budget agreement before July 1, it will serve as a preview of coming attractions for the US when Sacramento melts down. There's a little matter of a $24 billion deficit facing the world's largest out patient clinic, and without deep spending cuts and various other maneuvers, the checks are going to start bouncing. Suttle World will not suggest the gentle surfer add ammunition and a pack of pit bulls to the duct tape and plastic sheeting already in its survival kit, but Suttle World can't think of a better suggestion either.
June 10, 2009 BREAKING NEWS!!!!
...Perhaps late isn't as bad as thought (see
below)...---Cruis-O-Matic
opens for Darryl Rhoades & Hahavishnu Orchestra; Variety Playhouse;
September 12!!!!!!
Just in, and straight from the source:
"Hi
all:
I
am thrilled and honored to announce that Cruis-O-Matic will be opening for
Darryl Rhoades at the Variety Playhouse in Little Five Points (Atlanta, GA) on
September 12, 2009. (I am authorized to say it is a 99% certainty this is
going to happen).
Darryl
will be appearing with former members of The Hahavishnu Orchestra and doing
songs from his entire catalogue (1975-2009). This show will be a real
treat. I played with Darryl in the Orchestra from 1975 til 1976 so I get
to play in both ensembles. I think this is a first for Darryl and he
will be pulling out all the stops.
If
you ever saw a Hahavishnu Orchestra show, you know it is going to be a fantastic
night.
Darryl
will be posting updates and details about who will be performing in his band (I
won't spoil that here). Once Darryl posts that info, I will send it
on to y'all.
You
can google Darryl Rhoades for an overview of his outstanding career.
More
details later.
Edward
www.cruis-o-matic.com"
As is Edward Tanner of Curis-O-Matic fame. To the true believer, no
explanation is necessary, for the uninitiated, no explanation will
suffice. This is a bill of which Suttle World could only dream ever
happening. It will be the best show in the southeast this fall, and
probably run at least $15.
...Suttle World's schedule has been altered of late, hence the irregular and very late updates. Typically, the staff is hard at work by 5:00 on any given morning, but even with unemployment approaching double digits nationally, good help remains damn hard to find. Consequently, Suttle World Headquarters at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor frequently sits dark until well after sunrise. Alas, such vagaries may continue to be the case, and may mark the beginning of a sea change of Suttle World that has been cryptically referenced in prior rants. The gentle surfer's heart need not be troubled over Suttle World failing to Stand Tall, but its posture may change drastically as the lazy, hazy days of summer lapse. The timing seems right on a number of levels as well. Baseball will soon be the lone sports consideration, and on the national stage, Suttle World, if it continued in its usual mode, would merely be parroting "desperation summer news." The lone saving grace for the Republic may well be that the nation's capital is blessed with the most hideous, oppressive summer weather on the planet. This is not merely a Suttle World opinion based on personal experience, but also that of the US Geological Survey---that concludes Foggy Bottom/the GWU area to be the epicenter of the suckiest summer weather in the country based on a large number of discomfort variables. As a result, nobody stays in Washington is the summer. The government slows down doing stuff to people, and the media must create news to fill all the air time. Enough rambling, and about house keeping at that! Move on...
...There was simply no other way to do it---sorta like the Jonas Brothers couldn't announce at which theaters they would briefly appear during a genius barnstorming promotional opening of their recent flick. You just had to be at the right theater at the right time. Such was the case with those who just happened to be at Bobby Jones Golf Course yesterday evening when an unannounced exhibition round of the Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic was played. Those present were giddy, and the typical autograph and brief chit-chat worked well. Play was not terribly disrupted, and posing for pictures with the course staff in the pro shop was no trouble at all. The exhibition was played in a scramble format, and won decidedly by defending Champion cuzin Bill and his playing partner, cuzin Moke. Suttle World was paired with the best invitee to have never won a Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic Championship, cuzin Paul, who showed remarkable adaptation to a borrowed set of sticks to keep the pairing close for much of the daylight hours. The 2009 event is tentatively set for the first week of October---staged at the Suttle World western NC satellite HQ.
...As expected, the Penguins force a deciding game 7 for the Stanley Cup Friday night in Detroit. Suttle World only caught the last half of the third period. Great hockey, and a damn shame one of these teams will not win a Cup this year. On the hardcourt, it wasn't easy, but the Magic get their first win in the NBA finals against the Lakers---another series in which the home team has yet to lose. Game four is in Orlando Thursday.
...Major props to cuzin Paul for his Herculean efforts to successfully sell its tickets for the Open at Beth Page next week. Suttle World finds the "light" demand for tickets (it is sold out) to be a most distressing economic indicator, especially for New York.
June 9, 2009 Obamathematics
...That gosh darn Barack Obama. How did we ever get by without this genius? The president declared yesterday that the stimulus had already saved or created at least 150,000 American jobs, and announced he was revving up stimulus spending so he could "save or create" an additional 600,000 jobs this summer. There's just one little problem. The Labor Department, nor the Treasury, nor the Bureau of Labor Statistics actually measures "jobs saved." What these federal agencies can measure is unemployment. In the months since Congress approved the Obama stimulus package, the economy has lost nearly 1.6 million jobs and unemployment has hit 9.4%. This morning, the president's schedule includes healing several crippled children, a jog around the sun and breakfast with the kids, before a Rose Garden ceremony at the White House where the president will sign legislation outlawing the common cold---saving billions in health care expenses and eliminating over 10,000 jobs in the tissue industry.
...Enough with the spam bots! Suttle World is on record as one of the few that does not believe spam email (redundancy?) to be among the culprits that will lead to the fall of western civilization, largely because it never found mashing the "delete" button to be an onus. That said, Suttle World's mashing finger is tired, Imus. Bride of Suttle World advises that "there's some stuff flying around out there"---a simple answer to placate Suttle World, as opposed to an in depth, sophisticated explanation that Suttle World wouldn't understand. Just stop. Suttle World speculates that many of the unwanted transmissions are from the idiots that paid $500 for the "secrets to making $400,000 in three weeks without leaving home."
...Of course Suttle World didn't see the interview, it was CBS's "The Early Show" for God's sake. So, maybe the short AP piece regarding the interview with the co-captain of the USAirways flight that made a safe emergency landing in the Hudson River, Jeff Skiles, was a tad out of context. Evidently Skiles expressed some concerns regarding safety issues, especially with regional carriers. Something stinks---like an agenda for the media or labor. The odor is a byproduct of Suttle World's deduction process that leaves Suttle World with the unmistakable conclusion that if Skiles had serious safety concerns, his title would be former co-captain. This, of course, is premised on the axiom that pilots very rarely wish to be the first to arrive at any given crash scene.
June 8, 2009 Whopper whirlwind
...Props to Mirabile
Investment Corporation, a Memphis based owner and operator of about 40 Burger
King franchises in Tennessee, Arkansas and Mississip
pi,
that is currently embroiled (damn, I'm funny) in a controversy with its parent
corporation over signage on several of the store's marquees. The global
warming message began showing up outside a couple of MCI's BKs last week.
Burger King has threatened action, and the CEO of Mirabile has told them to
bring it on, with the full knowledge that the complex matter would take two
decades to litigate. Then there's the quality of the message itself.
Suttle World doubts anyone associated with the franchisee has received a Nobel
Prize, but someone obviously has enough sense to deduce that if a 72 hour
weather forecast is a coin flip (utilizing the world's biggest supercomputer at
NOAA), that predicting the climate centuries forward might prove to be a little
tough/dumber than dirt.
...Tiger looked rather Tigeresque yesterday,
coming from 4 strokes off the lead to capture his fourth Memorial Championship---Jack's
BBQ in Dublin, OH. This compelling come from behind victory, combined the
possibility that Phil may leave his ailing wife to play, should make the coming
US Open that much more compelling. Fortunately for the gentle surfer that
wishes to lumber over to Beth Page State Park outside NYC can acquire tickets
directly from Suttle World who has two badges for the entire week. Contact
Suttle World for details.
...Props to Roger Federer on his first ever win in the French Open and record tying 14th major yesterday in Paris.
...An uninspired Suttle World is re-invigorated in the knowledge that there's always ample help in the bull pen. "Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please. Now writing for Suttle World: cuzin Matt Bruner with another stellar installment of Bruner's Texas Takes
June 7, 2009 For the birds
...Props to Kent Desormeaux on his first ever Belmont win atop Summer Bird. And so the winning numbers of the Saturday 6:30 NY Lottery drawing are 4, 2 and 7. If the gentle surfer had these numbers in any winning combination, congratulations! Actually the a fair portion of the betting public, to which Suttle World does not belong, looked pretty smart yesterday. At a price of 12:1, with two prohibitive favorites on the board in a field of ten, Suttle World speculates that there's a handful of brilliant handicappers out there that hold really big tickets. The Suttle World long shot, Miner's Escape finished dead last, while cuzin Paul's pick of Charitable Man may have been the culprit in the frequent and unfortunate two/thirds of a triple being correctly picked (a ticket of greatly diminished value), by failing to get up, and finishing fourth. And so thoroughbred racing is put back in the closet for 99.5% of the American public until November when a few will watch the Breeder's Cup. Suttle World has opined on too many occasions that when WWII came to an end, there were basically three sports in the US: baseball, boxing and horse racing. After considerable reflection, Suttle World is left only to conclude that despite trying just as hard, the reason baseball has not been as successful at making itself irrelevant as the other two, is due to the game itself being the best ever invented by humans.
...The Red Wings deliver a crushing blow to the Penguins, and take a 3-2 lead in the Stanley Cup finals last night, but the home team has yet to lose. Game six shifts to Pittsburgh Tuesday night that NBC will broadcast in prime time (8:00). Game seven, if necessary, is set for Detroit next Friday. The Lakers and Magic resume their NBA championship series tonight.
...CBS Sports is absolutely giddy about the final group of the Memorial this afternoon. Programming executives could only dream that Matt Bettancourt and Mark Wilson could face each other down as the shadows grown long on a Sunday afternoon. Tiger is four back after posting a lovely 68 yesterday.
..."BERLIN (AFP) – Two homosexual penguins have successfully hatched an egg that was rejected by its parents and are now proudly rearing the chick, the German zoo housing the couple said on Wednesday. "Z and Vielpunkt, both males, gladly accepted their 'Easter present' and began straight away with hatching the egg," said the zoo in Bremerhaven, in northern Germany." Its a heartwarming story, even though all know that baby penguin is going to get a lot of shit in school.
June 6, 2009 Suttle World bitch slapped by former bettor of naked triple with change
...Its a later than usual start for the typical Everyday Is Saturday update. First there was the delightful distraction of wake up coffee and conversation with always welcome, and occasional overnight guest, cuzin Bill, in the north wing of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor. Then the Herculean effort that is publishing the Every Day Is Saturday Cheesy TV Theme Song of the Day edition required completion. As an aside, Suttle World extends its apologies once again for the ever inept Suttle World staff that allowed last week's Every Day Is Saturday Cheesy TV Theme Song of the Day to make like the Holy Grail sign at Castle Anthrax, and leaving the sucker running for the past week. Problem resolved. Suttle World has long since turned off the tedious sounds on its end, so a little heads up wouldn't hurt. Props to cuzin Bill for his fellowship last night, as the elder denizens of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor made a visit to part-time denizen nephew Ridge, and nosh on the fine cuisine of his employer---Enzo's Pizza Enough house cleaning...
...With a 25-30 word email reply, cuzin Paul knocks Suttle World's tool in the dirt in the pre Belmont banter yesterday (this is not to be confused with Batna, the filly who could have won the Belmont if entered, and is basically the modern era's version of Sea Biscuit; but that's a different story for a different day). Suttle World is most impressed with Pops' continuing familiarity with the sport of kings (especially the in depth knowledge of lineage/bloodlines that have been seemingly seared into some of the planet's finest gray matter), and Suttle World readily admits to having left any regular following of the sport behind long ago when relocating to uncivilized areas that do not enjoy a nearby track. That said: Suttle World would hasten to point that Einstein and Andrew Beyer are no better lottery players than, say, the average idiot lottery player. And the Belmont is as much of a lottery as any of the Triple Crown races. The only typical obstacle not present for this year's Belmont Stakes is heat. Temps should be in the 70s outside NYC when a scheduled 6:27 post time rolls around. They're still three year olds/the equine equivalent of a MacDonald's high school all-American track meet. None have ever run a mile and a half before, and none will ever do it again. Carrying 126 pounds over a long distance three times in five weeks is a lot to ask of any horse, much less a developing "teenager" (see above track team reference). Suttle World's point (thank God): handicapping this race is akin to betting on either Michael Phelps or Lance Armstrong in a best of three duckpin bowling match.
...All that crap said: time to break down the Belmont, now that Suttle World has cleaned its tool, and re-accessed the various charts and graphs. Derby winner Mine That Bird is the obvious favorite. Toss in the sentimental money that will follow Calvin Borel back onto the mount this evening, and the colt that certainly looks the best on paper will go off at a very unattractive 2:1---the morning line that Suttle World does not see moving anywhere but downward between now and post time. Mine That Bird put up an incredible 106 "Beyer number" running second in the Preakness, but Suttle World has to wonder how much gas is left in the tank---especially at today's marathon distance. Suttle World wants no part of it at the wagering window. Suttle World is all about value. Cuzin Paul points to #6 Charitable Man, and rightly so for well articulated reasons first overlooked by Suttle World. Suttle World thinks the rest of the world may catch on as well, and make it an equally unattractive value. Suttle World has re-examined, but still believes the only big number with a good chance to finish in the money is the defending Belmont winning trainer Nick Zito's entry #10-Brave Victory. It won't win, but has as good a chance as any of getting up as the rest of the field, and should go off at near 20:1. Watch those show pools---there's money to be made in them there hills. Suttle World wouldn't know where to begin with the exotics, given the money that Mine That Bird will attract, and would only toss a cursory couple bucks at value-menu prices, watching live odds as post time nears. Should be fun. May call for an Ollie. Suttle World might even crank up the twitter deal.
...Enough of the bread and circuses. I think its important to always keep in mind, but especially when the anniversary rolls around, as is the case today, June 6th---the 65th anniversary of the D-Day invasion of France by Allied forces. Our immediate ancestors waded through the floating bodies of their already fallen comrades to reach a beach where they would face almost certain death in what would prove to be an ultimately successful effort to save the world from an evil dictator. No one involved in that day was unscathed, and it doesn't escape me that all the bullshit that goes on in this site, and the pretty damn good standard of living that I and the incredible majority of my fellow Americans enjoy is due to the actions on both June 6, 1944 and many more during the same time around the globe. It was true heroism, and I cannot ever repay the debt.
June 5, 2009 Finals fury
...The Lakers cruise to a 1-0 NBA finals lead, and the Penguins tie the Stanley Cup finals at 2-2 with an easy win over the visiting Magic and Red Wings, respectively last night. The latter is more interesting, as Pittsburgh attempts to overcome history. In over 90 years of NHL play, the Stanley Cup finals has begun 32 times with the home team winning the first two games, as is the case with Detroit this year. Those teams have gone on to win the Cup 31 of those times. Hockey cranks up again Saturday night in Detroit on NBC in prime time, while the NBA resumes play Sunday night for game two in LA.
...It is now becoming clear to Suttle World that Grasshopper was snatching more than pebbles from his master's hand BITD following the discovery of the lifeless 72 year old body of David Carradine yesterday. Kung Fu evidently was yet another victim of that whacky auto-erotic asphyxiation deal after being found in his Bangkok hotel room (you just can't make this stuff up). Bob Crane, Adam West and now David Carradine---was there a 60's or 70's TV icon that wasn't a freak? Yes, Suttle World is aware that West is still on this side of the grass.
...Suttle world neglected to commemorate a couple of anniversaries yesterday, June 4th. The date marked the 20th anniversary of the height of the Tiananmen Square stand off, and the 35th anniversary of the 10 cent beer night riot in the dead and rotten, but not forgotten, Mistake of the Lake/Municipal Stadium in Cleveland. The mayhem resulted in the Indians forfeiting the ballgame, and led to reforms that restricted patrons to purchasing only four beers during any given trip to a vendor. This is not to be confused with the White Sox forfeit of the second game of a double header on "anti-Disco night that resulted in a riot at Comiskey in 1979. A bit of trivia: Rusty Torres was involved in both of the above games, and was also a rookie on the Yankees roster when the last ever Senators game played in DC (versus the Yankees) was halted and forfeited in the 9th inning when fans took to the field for another good old fashioned riot in 1971. Many historians now believe that in the Senators/Yankees affair, the disorder began as an act of charity as fans attempted to help the team load moving vans for Arlington, TX, and just got carried away. Suttle World is going to go out on a limb here, and suggest Torres is the only player in MLB history to be involved in three forfeits on three different teams.
...Memo to Vermont: Suttle World is working on it. First, thanks to Pops Waring III for a break down of young Alec and his teammates' success in their Capital City Soccer Club endeavors. It proved necessary, as the internet yields about as much information on the subject as a Ukrainian library branch. That said: Suttle World is on the case, and should be up to speed by week's end. And then there's the buck raising effort on behalf of the most impressive Endicott College women's soccer squad of which rising sophomore Katlin Waring is a prized member. The program has specific funding designs on traveling to (and presumably back to MA) and play in a prestigious tournament in Ohio this autumn.
...A break down of the Belmont is on deck for the Every Day Is Saturday update. Derby winner Mine That Bird, with Calvin Borel back in the stirrups is the 2:1 morning line favorite.
June 4, 2009 Those gosh darn whacky Braves
..OK, so its a late update to Thursday's edition of the Suttle Security Council Daily Briefing. Suttle World is reminded by pecking out the entire tedious title, as to exactly why the title of this particular page, the Suttle Security Council Daily Briefing (cut and pasted), rarely appears in the updates itself.
…It has been quite the morning in Suttle World---getting more accomplished before 8:00 than an entire Army brigade gets done in a week, and with an hour to kill to boot before beginning this update on remote in the garden city that is Norcross, GA.
…Suttle World sends major props to Duncan Donuts---an establishment not darkened by Suttle World since the first Reagan administration. Suttle World had so efficiently conducted its morning affairs that it found itself in search of a respite. The store front on Indian Trail near Singleton isn't clean. Its sterile! The menu of course is well beyond a Bavarian cream, but remains simple and attractive. Suttle World purchased a cup of coffee (ensuring that once again Duncan Donuts will sell more cups of coffee than any retailer on the planet today) and a egg and cheese fold-over deal for $3. Nice people, decent food, fast service, cheap---what's not to like?!
…Suttle World is stunned at the reaction that has filtered in so far regarding the Braves release of Tom Glavine yesterday. Sure he won over 250 games for the franchise, and was instrumental in their winning
the lion's share of the never to be broken string of 13 consecutive pennants, but he dared to be the player rep for the team during the strike shortened 1994 season. He took over that post from well known union thug Dale Murphy. Suttle World declares that this improperly hung onus is revisionist history, but believes the subject deserves a review that would take some time, and is best reserved for another day. Suttle World, nor any other person or entity, has any right to see the "books" of Major League Baseball, but until such time as Suttle World does, it will not
entertain any whining in any form from management or ownership. Back to the first ballot Hall of Famer in question: other haters will point to Benedict Glavine who left to pitch four years with the Mets for a paltry few million dollars more. Unmentioned, is the Braves offer was mostly deferred compensation, whereas the Mets paid for play. Suttle World knows few employees who gladly work today, in order to be paid several years down the road, especially when those dollars have been devalued by
inflation and lost investment potential. How about a look at what happened on the field---the gentle surfer may remember those various pieces of real estate between the lines where the actual games are played. Here's a glimpse of Tom Glavine's resume:
---23rd player to win 300 career games in the 140 year history of Major League
Baseball
---10-time All-Star (1991-93, 1996-98, 2000, 2002, 2004, 2006)
---2-time National League Cy Young Award winner (1991, 1998)
--- World Series MVP Award (1995)
---5-time National League leader in wins (1991-93, 1998, 2000)
---4-time Silver Slugger winner (1991, 1995-96, 1998)
---Only pitcher to throw two shutouts at Coors Field (with the Braves)
Perhaps its for the best. After all Glavine was such a clubhouse distraction what with his constant problems with steroids, drugs, alcohol, domestic
violence, and such---just like the aforementioned thug Dale Murphy. Suttle World stipulates that the phone at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor is not ringing off the hook with offers to run a baseball organization. That said: despite 11 shout out innings of work in his two
rehab starts, if Glavine has lost a yard off the fastball, and isn't worth the bucks, a team has to do what it has to do--- like trade him! Suttle World isn't buying that there aren't at least a half dozen MLB clubs that would have gladly given up prospects for his
marquee value alone. Bottom line: Tom Glavine will win more games somewhere in MLB this season than the Brave fifth starter will have accumulated come Labor Day.
This, of course, is where Suttle World went wrong from the get go by actually
being concerned with what happens on the field as opposed to newspapers, sports
talk, labor negotiations and pay scales. Its much like attending a
"game" at Turner Field. Suttle World goes to see baseball, the
other 32,000 in attendance are there primarily for the Ferris wheel and water
park.
June 2, 2009 Of singers and soccers
...Suttle World believes everyone has missed the
boat with the Susan Boyle extravaganza. Sure, the unknown, old maid,
daughter of a troll from Scotland with the angelic voice is worthy of
mention. Her zooming celebrity was to be anticipated after her first
British TV appearance, and her alleged "meltdown" isn't difficult to
understand, assuming the story is on the level. The most amazing thing
about Susan Boyle is that she received medical care soon after she
"snapped" a couple weeks ago in public, and has been referred to
"clinic" for further evaluation. Of course, a quarter of
diagnosed colon cancer patients in the UK w
ill die before their first scheduled
appointment with an oncologist rolls around. The password must be
"Simon."
...If its Tuesday, it must be time for a soccer update from the homeland of Pele, Vermont. Suttle World gets the headline, and extends major props to Alec Waring and his mates of the Capital Soccer team who are the 2009 Vermont State Cup champions in the boy's 17 and under division. This was all making perfect sense until Suttle World read further to discover that the title came by virtue of a 1-0 (imagine that) win over Nordic SC. Suttle World is still unclear what a team from the Palmetto State was doing in the Vermont State Cup championship, but they were whooped in the finals, and our Montpelier heroes are champions. Suttle World also remains confused as to the submarine crew members that seemingly make up a majority of the roster, but has solicited further advice and counsel on the matter from half of the Green Mountain team that cranks out stellar soccer players. The gentle surfer may gain a better understanding than Suttle World when reading the write up about the soccer club's success here.
...Moving a bit farther south in New England, brings Suttle World to the picturesque campus of Endicott College outside Boston, and the stomping pitch of rising sophomore Kaitlin Waring---a proud member of the Endicott women's soccer team. Suttle World is all about choices, and this is no exception. The Gulls are raising funds to travel and compete in a tournament in Ohio this fall. Suttle World needs a charter bus, two dozen hotel rooms and a $1000 Applebee's gift card. The gentle surfer may procure any of the above or just send cash (to them). More details are to follow, as Suttle World launches a juggernaut to get the Gulls to the Buckeye State. Suttle World has a vague image of an Ollie Burger sale to raise heap big bucks.
...General Motors files Chapter 11, and the market is up over 200 points. Makes perfect sense to Suttle World. It must be a stock picker's market. Suttle World can't even imagine the spike the DOW will experience when the full faith and credit of the United States fails. Memo to GM: want your market share back? Start adding an Ollie Burger warmer/holder in the consoles of the government mandated 48 pound vehicles to be produced, and not purchased, in order to meet new CAFE standards.
June 1, 2009 General Mayhem
...Suttle World leads off the month of June on a big congratulatory note. Props to management, organized labor and suffocating government regulation that have led the planet's once largest manufacturer and seller of automobiles to march into Federal Bankruptcy Court this morning to file for Chapter 11 re-organization. General Motors opens the day with a stock price of 75 cents. The once nearly dead Harley Davidson now has EIGHT times the capitalization of GM. This state of affairs could have only been accomplished by tireless idiocy over the past several decades as labor and management decided it would be a good idea to pay a net $60 an hour for employees to screw lug nuts onto cars that don't work. Did Suttle World mention that US taxpayers now own over 70% of the worthless "auto giant?"---allowing for "how's business?" to rise to the level of "hello" on the list of the most popular American greetings.
...And what could possibly be better than GM filing bankruptcy? Congress beginning "work" on health care "reform." The parallels are frightening. Universal health insurance shouldn't cost more than $1.5 trillion, and deliver hideous health care to those who are already being treated in a manner befitting residents of the western world. About 8 out of 300 million Americans are truly screwed when it comes to being covered for chronic illness. Fine, fix it for the 8 million and leave the other 292 million out of it, please. Government mandated lower air born lead levels 30 years ago, and the goal was achieved by eliminating leaded gasoline and installing catalytic converters. It did not require the government nationalizing the auto industry.
...The Red Wings take a 2-0 lead in the Stanley Cup Finals with a 3-1 over the Penguins last night. Play shifts to Pittsburgh for game three Tuesday night.
WORLD 
