Archives---June, 2008

June 29, 2008

...The din of a roar that the gentle surfer has heard rushing towards its ear holes over the last 24 hours has been the howls and cries to "break up the Senators."  In the even a blind squirrel finds a nut department, Grandpa Suttle finally goes yard for the first time in '08---a first inning, three run dinger that proved to be the difference, as cuzin Neil pitched another complete game, 4-2 masterpiece, and continues to lead Wiffle Atlanta with five wins on the season.  Cuzin Blaine followed that with yet another gem in the nightcap, and despite bumbling defense behind him, held the Swamp Donkeys to but a single run in the Senators 3-1 win of game two.  The sweep was the second straight for the Senators, who have taken six of their last eight, and now stand alone in second place in the DeKalb Division with a 9-7 mark, three games behind the first place Yellow Jackets.  A scheduled rematch between the two teams for next Saturday has been postponed in lieu of the holiday weekend.

...Cruis-O-Matic wowed an unusual gathering of well over 100 last night at Eddie's Attic.  The hits just keep on coming---90 minutes of non-stop oldies performed in a set that would have made the Ramones proud.

..."(Sunday Times) A woman has conceived Britain’s first baby guaranteed to be free from hereditary breast cancer.  Doctors screened out from the woman’s embryos an inherited gene that would have left the baby with a greater than 50% chance of developing the cancer.  The woman decided to have her embryos screened because her husband had tested positive for the gene and his sister, mother, grandmother and cousin have all had the cancer.  The couple produced 11 embryos, of which five were found to be free from the gene. Two of these were implanted in the woman’s womb and she is now 14 weeks pregnant."  The gentle surfer need not darken the confessional nor handle snakes between the pews to see some genuine ethical dilemmas on the horizon here.  Prevention or selection? 

..."(New York Post) A stunning supermodel leaped from her swank downtown apartment to her death today in an apparent suicide, officials said.  Ruslana Korshunova, 20, whose face has graced the cover of French Elle and Russian Vogue, apparently jumped from her ninth-floor apartment in her Water Street building in the Financial District just before 2:30 p.m."  Suttle World admonishes the gentle surfer that reports of the model's demise are a bit premature.  At last report, the 48 pound beauty had wafted past the third floor in her descent, and it is presumed she will die when eventually making landfall later this afternoon.  New York Police would neither confirm nor deny rumors that the Burger King was a person of interest in the presumed tragedy.

...Darwin came to visit the ATL Saturday, and reduced the headcount by one.  "(AJC) A 17-year-old South Carolina boy on an church outing was killed Saturday when he was struck by the popular "Batman the Ride" at Six Flags Over Georgia.  The victim was decapitated when the ride struck him, police said. The youth was not identified."  The moral of the story:  he who lives by the Mit)h, dies by the Mit)h.

..."BERLIN (Reuters) A woman trying to make "manure bombs" using stockings, slipped into a slurry tank and fled the scene naked, German police said Friday."  And that's the way it is, Sunday, June 29, 2008.

June 28, 2008

...Scranton, hello, you're on the air...

...Big day in Suttle World.  First up:  the Suttle World Senators look to pass the .500 mark this afternoon in a twin bill against the Swamp Donkeys in Wiffle Atlanta action.  Stellar pitching has returned the Senators to the 7-7 mark, and the organization will turn once again to cuzins Neil and Blaine while the ball club's befuddled bat rack continues to undergo investigation in search of a few timely hits that would make contests a bit less interesting in a good way.  A sweep today along with another tough afternoon at Glenlake Park for the still winless Pirates, and the Senators can mathematically assure a post season spot---an equation that has strategic ramifications.  This afternoon's action also holds out the hope of the return of Nephew Ridge who has been on the absent list the past several weeks.

...Tonight a no doubt much more stiff, sore and fatigued Suttle World will turn its attention to oh so Bohemian downtown Decatur, where Eddie's Attic will host a 9:30 performance by the kings of cover, Cruis-O-Matic.  Five beat down dollars will get the gentle surfer in the door, unless the gentle surfer joined this mortal coil in 1958, in which case admission is waved in what has become a generic 50th birthday celebration by the band at the veteran venue.  Again, Suttle World is not only anxious to see and hear the band's fine works, but also to learn more info about the Darryl Rhoades show next week for which Suttle World has confirmed attendance---delaying holiday departure for a day.  Bring the kids---its an all ages show.  "Upon further review..." leave the little brats at home even though they could get it.

...At this writing the lady of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor is in the process of committing insecticide against small helpless creatures.  A representative from the United Nation's Commission on Entomological Rights (based in the Hague) is expected to be at the main gate of the Manor shortly.  Brings to mind the rhetorical incendiary question Suttle World likes to lob from time to time in the form of asking as to whether Rachel Carson is the greatest mass murderer in the history of the planet?  Suttle World is prepared to take the affirmative position of that question/resolution---anytime, anywhere, bring the check book.

...For the convenience of the gentle surfer, Suttle World is publishing the picture to the right.  It could have life saving consequences.  Suttle World is keenly aware that the gentle surfer is well above average, and, typically, more prepared to handle emergency situations.  That being said, they're some things we just don't get around to.  Just like a fire extinguisher, every household should have a bottle of syrup of ipecac in the event of accidental poisoning, but many well intended gentle surfer never quite gets around to stocking up.  Should the gentle surfer find itself in the latter position, it is advised to print the picture, and place it in a well sealed envelope inside the medicine chest.  In case of emergency, simply show the pic to the poisoning victim, and stand aside to avoid being struck by the ensuing projectile vomiting.  Though not endorsed by the AMA, the photo has also been shown to be successful as part of the "Purge to Pretty" diet plan that is the current rage of 15 year old girls nationwide.  And there are those that actually question why Suttle World formerly consumed mass quantities of distilled spirits.  The sole comfort comes in enjoying the agony of Satan and Benson, who obviously hate each other more than painful rectal itch, to have to publicly kiss each other near where it itches.  May the ghost of Hubert Humphrey bitch slap em both, and Bill too---ya know, while he's here and everything.

...The weekend finds the 2008 MLB season at the mid way point, and amazingly, the Braves are a mere 3 games behind the Eastern Division leading Phillies (tied with the Mets and 2 behind the Marlins).  Its obvious before Independence Day that save a Mets super-sized choke, the Cubs or Cards will be the wild card team (the ball club that doesn't win the Central), so its possible, and would be a hell of a run for a beat up ball club of dubious talent on paper when healthy.  Unfortunately, "improvements" to the downtown connector has closed Atlanta---making attendance an even greater challenge than the Japanese game show like experience that was already the case.  

..."(AP) President Bush gave a leader from an oil-rich Persian Gulf ally a plum reward on Thursday: a stay at the Camp David presidential retreat.  Bush welcomed Sheik Mohammed Bin Zayed Al Nahyan, the crown prince of Abu Dhabi, to the rustic wooded retreat in the Maryland mountains in typical fashion."  In a later meeting with Bush, the Crown Prince advised the president that before his death, his father had secreted over $80 million dollars in an African bank account, and that he required Bush's assistance to get the money out.  The Crown Prince promised President Bush 40% of the payout in exchange for some brief personal information so that the transaction could be affected.

...With a 109-101 overtime loss last night to the Connecticut Sun, the expansion Atlanta Dream set the WNBA record for the worst start in league history at 0-enternity/14 and counting.

June 27, 2008

..."(AP) WASHINGTON - Silent on central questions of gun control for two centuries, the Supreme Court found its voice Thursday in a decision affirming the right to have guns for self-defense in the home and addressing a constitutional riddle almost as old as the republic over what it means to say the people may keep and bear arms."  Suttle World has read only the syllabus of the majority opinion crafted by Justice Scalia, and finds it to be based on sound reasoning.  What will most likely prove frightening are the dissenting opinions.  What part of "the right of the people to keep and bare arms shall not be infringed" do the four misguided Supremes not get?  It took two centuries, but a strong precedent has been set.

...A 350 point drop for the DOW Thursday is most distressing to say the least.  With oil rising above the $140/barrel mark, the market purges months of nervousness---dropping 3% of its body weight in trading yesterday.  One more time:  the US and world economy is teetering; Democrats will dominate Congressional races this fall, meaning the tax cuts will expire, and tip the balance in favor of the serious recession for which the majority party seems so anxious to get started.

..."(AP) WASHINGTON - More math, please. A large majority of Americans thinks schools are placing too much emphasis on the wrong subjects, and more than half think they're doing just a fair job in preparing children for the work force or giving them the practical skills they need to survive as adults, according to an Associated Press poll released Friday."  In a nation where half of the adult population doesn't understand that the Earth orbits the sun, and that the process takes a year, Suttle World has little interest in such a population's "thoughts" regarding a generally disgraceful government education system.

..."(AP) CHARLOTTE, N.C. - A passenger on an American Airlines flight from Texas to North Carolina has been charged after authorities say he got drunk, grabbed a flight attendant's buttocks and threw ice at other passengers."  This, unfortunately, is in sharp contrast to the lead that the gentle surfer would no doubt prefer:  A traveler required emergency medical attention upon his American Airlines flight's arrival in Charlotte yesterday after fellow passengers beat the living shit out of the drunk bastard.  Authorities say a screaming four year old was used to bludgeon the blottoed asshole into submission.

...Big news on the local music front, about which Suttle World intends to learn more details tomorrow night when the senior denizens of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor lumber over to the Decatur institution that is Eddie's Attic for a Cruis-O-Matic performance.  Of course the entertainment will be greatly enjoyed, but Suttle World hopes to learn from Mr. Vegas the whys and wherefores surrounding a very rare musical appearance by Darryl Rhoades next Thursday night at Kirkwood Station near Decatur.  Rhoades' web site says, "This is a special songwriter's in the round featuring myself and Tommy Strain, Bill Turpin and another songwriter. We will each be performing songs we wrote and giving background on each song.   It's a first time for me doing something like this and encourage everyone to come out and support this."  The notion of Rhoades performing live music once again has been a long running aspiration for Suttle World.  He has recorded self described "straight music" over the past several years in the company of a number of well recognized artists.  Be there.

June 26, 2008

..."(Washington Post) The U.S. Supreme Court [Wednesday] did not release its long-awaited ruling on whether the District's handgun ban violates the Second Amendment. That means the potentially landmark decision will almost certainly come [Thursday] morning when the court is planning to issue the last of its rulings for the term. The case, District of Columbia v. Heller, which was argued nearly four months ago, could settle the decades-old debate over whether the Second Amendment grants individuals the right to own firearms."  The decision and its accompanying opinion(s) has the potential to be every bit a ground breaking as Roe v. Wade, Miranda v. Arizona or Brown v. Board of Education.  There is no doubt in the mind of Suttle World that DC's gun ban is drop dead unconstitutional, but as to whether at least five Supremes see it that way is far from certain.  Take yesterday's opinion on the death penalty, please.  While Suttle World agrees with the majority, the circuitous logic of a sliding scale of social norms to define the Eighth Amendment is tortured reasoning at best. Analysis tomorrow.

...Suttle World doesn't know the exact date, but recalled yesterday that give a week one way or the other, and it has been exactly 40 years since Suttle World was first domiciled in the metro ATL---such as it was in 1968.  Now in its third stint in the area, Suttle World has logged some 35 years in the Atlanta MSA, that has become the biggest bush league city in the country.

...Props to Fresno State, the 2008 NCAA baseball champions by virtue of a deciding game three win over Georgia last night in the College World Series.  On to Williamsport, and the Little Leaguers next month.

...A short personal note, as Suttle World looks to the west towards the Lone Start state, and its resident Bruners.  Cuzin Matt, of course a regular contributor to Suttle World, nails another on the head with his essay yesterday surveying the current landscape of presidential politics.  44th verse, same as those of recent memory (not as catchy, but Suttle World isn't exactly a hit maker)---the gentle surfer will be presented in November with the choice to vote for John McCain and get bigger government or Barack Obama and get much bigger government.  Suttle World is plumb full of government, and really doesn't have room in stately Roberts/Suttle Manor for any more.  The alternative for the gentle surfer of course, is a charismatic, breast milk cheese eating, little dweeb:  Bob Barr who is pretending to be a Libertarian, and got the nomination of the very bright members of the party/Star Trek convention that actually believed him.  Unsavory choices indeed,  Aside from his continuing stellar work for Suttle World, cuzin Matt has also endured the tragedy of property damage here in the ATL over the past couple weeks.  It has been a physical, psychological and financial drain on our friend, and Suttle World wishes both his person and his slums a much brighter summer.

June 25, 2008

..."(Bloomberg) -- U.S. gasoline demand fell 2.7 percent last week, a sign motorists are cutting back on vacation plans as pump prices touch records, a MasterCard Inc. report today showed."  Suttle World isn't buying it.  If true, further validation would be provided for the laws of supply and demand that Democrats repealed last week in the House.

...They were having fun in the old AP newsroom last night, or so speculates Suttle World form this morning's headline:  "Judge issues gag order in Texas swingers club case."  Insert joke here.  Insert second joke here.

...A deciding game three will be played out this evening in Omaha to determine the 2008 College World Series winner.  Fresno State takes a 13-10 slugfest over Georgia last night, forcing tonight's deciding contest (7:00 ESPN).

..."(AP) Tiger Woods had reconstructive surgery on his left knee Tuesday in Utah to repair a torn ligament, and doctors said it was "highly unlikely" there would be any long-term effects. It was the second time in 10 weeks Woods had surgery on his knee, this time on his anterior cruciate ligament.  "We were confident going into this surgery, and I am pleased with the results," Dr. Thomas D. Rosenberg said in a statement released by IMG, Woods' management company.  Suttle World extends props to Dr. Rosenberg for taking a case Dr. Suttle World would have declined.  Factor in the malpractice suit, future earnings, etc...and the surgeon was probably making a half BILLION dollar incision upon beginning the procedure.

..." CALGARY, Alberta (Reuters) - Canadian military and police are investigating after a package containing a brand new hand grenade, belonging to the army, was found in a suburban backyard, police said on Monday.  "It is quite unusual for someone to find a grenade in their backyard, especially one that hasn't been spent," Edmonton police spokeswoman Patrycia Chalupczynska said."  Unusual indeed.  Spent hand grenades are common place in rural Canada, but finding one unexploded is a rare occurrence.

...Closing out today's update comes a pre-convention overview of the political landscape as it is lining up for November as rendered by cuzin Matt in his latest stellar installment of Bruner's Texas Takes.

June 24, 2008

..."CHICAGO (CBS) ― United Airlines announced Monday that its laying off 950 pilots, the second round of job cuts announced by the struggling airline in less than a week."  The move is tied in with the carrier's summer promotion:  "Leave the Flying to You!"  Roundtrip fares Atlanta to Chicago will remain under $100, but now during the two hour wait on the tarmac for takeoff, a lottery will be conducted to see which passenger will pilot the aircraft to its destination.  The user friendly skies of United.

...Props the the Georgia Bulldogs, who come from behind to take game one of the College World Series finals in Omaha last night over Fresno State.  Game 2 is set for tonight (7:00 EDT - ESPN).

..."NEW YORK (Reuters) - The $6 million lawsuit filed by the New York City street performer known as The Naked Cowboy against M&Ms candy maker Mars Inc can go forward on grounds of trademark infringement, a judge ruled on Monday.  Robert Burck -- for 10 years a fixture in Times Square, who strums a white guitar while dressed only in white cowboy boots and hat and skimpy white underwear -- filed the suit in February over video billboards depicting a blue M&M dressed in his signature outfit."  Suttle World is familiar with the parties involved, and is of the opinion that if the neighborhood were still solely populated by hookers, pushers and yellow front book stores, such litigation would not be clogging the New York court system.  "Gentrify" Times Square, put in a Disney store and Red Lobster, and such decadence in bound to follow.

..."(AP) ATLANTA - The elderly fear breaking a hip when they fall, but a government study indicates that hitting their head can also have deadly consequences: Brain injuries account for half of all deaths from falls."  The Suttle World Chad Everett Memorial Medical Center has studied this situation too, and has developed a protocol to diminish the geriatric issue:  don't fall.

June 23, 2008

...George Carlin, on the top ten list of comic geniuses produced by the species, died overnight in a Los Angeles hospital from heart failure.  He was simply brilliant. He was unmatched as a 20th century wordsmith.  He was 71.

...The Suttle World Senators sweep the Home Run Army (1-0 & 7-0), and find the .500 mark in the process in Sunday Wiffle Atlanta action!  Cuzin Neil and Blaine both tossed complete game shut outs, holding the Army to a mere three hits and one walk for the entire afternoon.  Trailing the idle Swamp Donkeys, the teams will settle the fight for second place in the DeKalb Division over the next two weeks as they meet in consecutive doubleheaders.   A small ball squad without any speed make the Senators a most unique team to behold---beginning the second half of the regular season as they did the first, with a sweep.

..."(Chicago Tribune) Nesting season is in full swing for the red-winged blackbird, making the males extremely aggressive. Walk or bike too close to one's nest and expect to hear its high, menacing squawk overhead. Then comes the peck-peck-peck on your head, victims say, or claws rustling your hair."  Memo to red-winged blackbirds:  in Suttle World it is bitch slap season for any creature that pecks upon its head.  Suttle World would also recommend that the Chicagoland based gentle surfer rummage through the garage for its Spalding Bjorn Borg model racket for further protection. 

...Down goes Carolina!  Down goes Carolina!  Failing to come from behind to make their third consecutive College World Series finals, the University of North Carolina Tarheels end their season last night in Omaha, as Cinderella, Fresno State, moves onto this year's title series against Georgia.  The best of three series begins tonight, with a third game, if necessary, slated for Wednesday.

...Deciding world class soccer matches with a shootout is the most stupefying element in all of sports.  It makes the BCS a paradigm of reason in comparison.  The world's most popular game has the most idiotic means of breaking ties.  The European Championships currently underway underscore the notion again, along with the acknowledgement that these tremendously skilled athletes are trapped inside a lifeless sport.

June 22, 2008

...Sunday dawns to give the Suttle World Senators yet another glimpse at the .500 mark, as the 5-7 good guys begin the second half of the Wiffle Atlanta regular season this afternoon against the Home Run Army.  First pitch of the twin bill is set for 1:00 under late June conditions that are well below the "check and see if he's dead" level that summer afternoons often bring to lovely Decatur, GA.

...Carolina rallies with the long ball again, and stays alive in this year's College World Series with a 4-3 win last night over Fresno State.  The two will meet again tonight at 7:00 with the winner advancing to the final round against a surprising Georgia team that secured their shot at the title with a win over Stanford Saturday afternoon.  At this writing, the game is set to be televised on ESPN-Classic, and will probably remain on that drop due to the network's contracts with MLB and the Arena Football League---events that take precedence on ESPN & ESPN2 for Sunday nights.  The final series begins tomorrow, with game two set for Tuesday, and a final game three, if necessary, slated for Wednesday night.  If not for the hideous metal bats, this could actually be fun.

...After studious observation of world oil markets for the past year, Suttle World believes it has an answer to $4/gallon gas:  get used to it.  Unlike more manageable issues (such as  a $10 TRILLION of debt), Suttle World simply doesn't have the necessary motivation to actually control worldwide oil production and the demand for same.  Suttle World is also accepting orphaned SUVs and large pick ups that require a good home.  Owners may push their vehicles to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.  Please bring a clear title.  The proceeds won't go to a good cause, nor are they tax deductible, but at least the gentle surfer will be rid of its $2/mile gas sucking vehicle that was four times as large as required when originally purchased.

...While in the automobile aisle, the saga of nephew Ridge's '88 Lincoln Towne Car continues.  After expending many hundreds of dollars to get the vehicle back in running condition, the entire brake system failed, necessitating repairs of equal economic devastation.  Things were looking up when driven off the repair lot yesterday, and continued through the afternoon---with the highlight being a pass of the deadly emissions inspection.  Soon thereafter, the cooling system went south, and the youngest denizen of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor was able to limp the car back to local mechanic John just before closing time.  Further damage reports as they become available next week.  Also noteworthy as follow-up, Suttle World took the Corolla to World Toyota late Thursday morning where the vehicle received an oil change, a replacement of the entire manual transmission, and $20 of gas pumped in for road testing.  The car was ready for pick up in less than 24 hours, and Suttle World had a loaner in the interim.  Total cost:  $53.  Suttle World is most impressed. 

..."(AP) WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA - Same-sex couples across California exchanged vows and wedding bands on the first weekend since the state began allowing gays and lesbians to legally marry."  Of course, Suttle World is an advocate---having long been of the belief that our gay brothers and sisters have every right to be as miserable as everyone else.  Yes, Suttle World checked several years ago, and gaydivorcecourt.com is already taken, but that's not to say anyone's started production of the TV show.  Two queens bitch slapping each other over a piece of Waterford would draw Super Bowl sized audiences.

..."(AP) WINSTON-SALEM, NC - They aren't America's heaviest newborn twins on record, but they certainly tip the scales: Sean William Maynard and Abigail Rose Maynard weighed in at a combined 23 pounds and 1 ounce at birth this week, a North Carolina hospital announced Friday. The combined weight of the twins is about four pounds shy of the combined weight of twins born in Arkansas in 1927, the hospital said. Those twins weighed a total of 27 pounds, 12 ounces, hospital researchers said, adding they could find no public record of any heavier twins than the Arkansas pair born since 1900."  Damn!

June 21, 2008

...The Dream, perhaps the worst team name in history, and the local expansion club in the WNBA remains 0 for Atlanta---now winless in their first dozen outings.  Meanwhile, Swen Johnson of International Falls, MN continues to anguish over whether his old ice saw will make it through just one more season of fishing this winter.  "Spanning the globe..."

..."(NYT) Amtrak set records in May, both for the number of passengers it carried and for ticket revenues — all the more remarkable because May is not usually a strong travel month."  Sounds great until one factors in the fact that each leg is taxpayer subsidized, meaning a record amount of money came out of the pockets of folks in western Oklahoma so that record numbers of travelers could ride the rails to Vancouver and other exotic destinations in less than stellar accommodations.

...Benson continues to stumble through the worst week of his campaign since Iowa, and despite yesterday's admonition that the gaffes would be forgotten, the faux pas may well be a preview of coming attractions.  Being put on the defensive (and a defense that has distinct weaknesses) only servers to enlarge the unknown factor that greatly favors Uncle Ernie during times of international conflict.

..."(AP) NEW YORK - A news discussion site and The Associated Press have resolved a dispute over an AP demand that the site remove some of the news agency's content."  Suttle World is pleased the parties were able to work something out.

...A ninth inning grand slam gives Carolina a 7-3 win over LSU last night, and the opportunity to continue in this year's College World Series.  The Tarheels must now beat Fresno State in two consecutive games to advance to the tournaments final round next week.  Georgia can advance to the finals from their division with a win today over Stanford.

...8:52 was the official time of sundown yesterday in and around stately Roberts/Suttle Manor on the summer solstice---meaning that the gentle surfer could read outside without the aid of artificial light until well after 9:00.  Celestially, 2008 is now over the hill, with the true mid-way point for this leap year coming July 1st.

June 20, 2008

...LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - Don Cornelius  has sold his "Soul Train" franchise to MadVision Entertainment, a multimedia company specializing in branded urban content and production.  The deal gives MadVision production rights to the weekly "Soul Train" series along with a catalog of more than 1,100 hours of archival footage from the show's 37-year run."  This raises Suttle World's curiosity only because of the "news" status---being of the mind that the program had all the relevance of Josephine the Plumber.  Suttle World is also guessing that Big Daddy Don was able to cash the check and nearly top off the tank of his sled with the proceeds. 

...The first week of summer cannot end soon enough for Benson fans---one in which the presumed Democratic standard bearer seemingly joined the soiled sheets of the day club.  Alas, gaffes such as these committed in June are long forgotten after the balloons fall in the Kumbaya fanfare of the conventions.  The majority of polling and pundits notwithstanding, Suttle World still is firmly of the mind that Uncle Ernie wins a close election come November, with Democrats making huge gains on both sides of the Capitol.  Let the running mate games continue.  

..."(AP) MOSCOW - A monument to the enema, a procedure many people would rather not think about, has been unveiled at a spa in the southern Russian city of Zheleznovodsk. The bronze syringe bulb, which weighs 800 pounds and is held by three angels, was unveiled at the Mashuk-Akva Term spa, the spa's director said Thursday. Alexander Kharchenko told The Associated Press. "An enema is almost a symbol of our region."   The Caucasus Mountains region is known for dozens of spas where enemas with water from mineral springs are routinely administered to treat digestive and other complaints.  Kharchenko, 50, said the monument cost $42,000 and was installed in a square in front of his spa on Wednesday. A banner declaring: "Let's beat constipation and sloppiness with enemas"  Insert joke here---so to speak.

...If Suttle World has this right, Carolina must beat LSU in a game suspended last night in the first inning, and then Fresno State two straight to make their way back to the finals of the College World Series in Omaha for a third straight year.  Meanwhile, though not nearly the surprise/Cinderella team that won a shocking national championship in 1990, Georgia holds the upper hand over Stanford in the other division, having to win but one of the next two against the Cardinal to get another title shot.  Meanwhile, basketball season is starting to look pretty promising in Chapel Hill, with five returning, and three McDonalds All American freshman---Williams will be able to go 12 deep, and the Tarheels should be world beaters.

...Summer officially kicks in at 7:59 EDT this evening, but the lazy, hazy days of summer are well upon us as reflected in the ATL weekend TV sports calendar that is here for the clicking.

...At this writing, props are in order for the good folks at World Toyota in lovely Chamblee, GA.  In possession of the Suttle Worldmobile, a grinding third gear was found to require a complete replacement of the vehicle's transmission, a part for which all parties were pleasantly surprised to learn was in stock.  Fully covered under warranty, Suttle World was put in a replacement vehicle, and is expected to be back in its own, newly replaced transmission and all, a little over 24 hours from its pulling into the service lane Thursday.  Updates as they happen.

June 19, 2008

...There is no joy in Waltham Fire Local 866 Cubbyville this morning.  Spotting their rival Red Sox a 7-0 lead, the Cubs made a furious comeback only to fall a run short, 9-8 last night, in the deciding game three of the Warrendale Little League World Series.  A heartbreaker to be sure, but Suttle World extends major props to the Cubbies for another tremendous campaign and especially to their skipper Salvi Cincotta---who is nearing four decades of devoted service to the young ball players in and around Waltham, MA.  Daily Tribune story here.

...Suttle World has quite rightly beaten the notion of large scale ethanol production about the head and shoulders. The unsubsidized cost, accounting for price increases caused in other goods by competition for grain, in addition to the fact that it won't run in the current pipeline system make the ethanol craze dumber than dirt.  Micro-production---now there's an entirely different kettle of fish.  Suttle World is fully prepared to examine the possibilities of home or small community based ethanol production facilities (giant stills) that basically turn garbage (or some communal land devoted to grain production) into fuel.  With gasoline at $4/gallon, its a very real alternative.  Robert Warren began work on the then Kumbaya concept over 30 years ago---his efforts being cut short by cancer some time back.  Nonetheless, sites such as this, provide the basic theory to the actual "how tos" of legally distilling one's own fuel.  A wild goose perhaps, but given the stuff won't work on a mass scale...Sometimes better mousetraps are built by giant multi-national corporations, and sometimes Michael Nesmith's mother invents Liquid Paper.

...Down goes Tiger!  Down goes Tiger!  Two days after collecting the 14th major victory of his career with a 91 hole sudden death playoff win of the US Open, its back to the surgical suite, and a very protracted recovery.  ACL tear and two micro fractures of the tibia leave Suttle World to wonder how much consideration has been given to replacing the joint the would seem to be constantly plagued by problems.  Its a still complex procedure, but one that may well be required in the not too distant future, so there's the "as long as you're in there" mindset.  Suttle World confesses to being among the great unwashed in feeling that the 2008 golf season has come to a close with Woods' announcement yesterday.  Sure, the British Open will be fun with the morning play and all, but a giant asterisk has been tossed up next to most any outcome between now and Tiger's return.

June 18, 2008

...In Waltham, MA the 2008 Warrendale Little League campaign has but one official game to play, and with a win, the Waltham Fire Local 866 Cubbies will capture the Little League's pennant for yet another season.  A deciding game three was forced last night when the Red Sox took a hard fought 5-4 win to knot the World Series at one game each.  First pitch is set for 5:30.  Game one coverage is here.  Game two here.  Suttle World will interrupt regular publication this evening in the event of breaking news.

...While in New England, props are in store for the Celtics who captured their 17th NBA title in Boston. The Lakers, unable to attend the game because of previous commitments, had the Washington Generals fill during the 131-92 drubbing.  Nice run, but easily trumped by Suttle World's belief that David Stern must immediately empanel the league's own Warren Commission to, presumably, certify the integrity of the NBA.  Tim Donaghy's "admissions" may be the lies of a desperate man, but given they involve the league itself, a most respectable, studious, independent group must act early and often.  It strikes Suttle World as ironic that the evil 500 pound gorilla in the room, gambling, that allegedly  is the root of all this evil also serves as a check on the system.  A loss in confidence in the game's legitimacy would dry up wagering.  Stop the gambling, and general interest in the sport is marginalized.

...Suttle World extends a happy sixty-sixth birthday to Sir Paul McCartney.  Yes, boys and girls that's 66.

...(AP) As the full moon rises this Wednesday evening, June 18, many people will be tricked into thinking it's unusually large.  The moon illusion, as it's known, is a trick in our minds that makes the moon seem bigger when it's near the horizon. The effect is most pronounced at full moon. Many people swear it's real, suggesting that perhaps Earth's atmosphere magnifies the moon. But it really is all in our minds. The moon is not bigger at the horizon than when overhead.   Here's how it works: Your mind believes things on the horizon are farther away than things overhead, because you are used to seeing clouds just a few miles above, but the clouds on the horizon can indeed be hundreds of miles away. So if we think something (such as the moon) is farther away, and it's not, then it seems larger."  The best observation point for the phenomenon would seem to be on a train leaving Chicago at 50 MPH just about the time it collides with another train that left New York traveling 60 MPH into a 15 MPH headwind.

..."The writing section added to the SAT has done very little to improve the exam's overall ability to predict how students will do in college, according to research released Tuesday by the test's owner.  The College Board defended the SAT, saying that no predictor of college success is perfect, but that the exam is a remarkably good one. It emphasized the finding that the writing test actually does a slightly better job of predicting freshman-year college grade point average than do the math or critical reading sections, both of which are multiple choice."  The College Board could also settle any dispute by making their own numbers open for examination.  Suttle World continues to maintain the standardized testing biz to be a racket---witnessed by the fact that the nice folks in Princeton won't make basic validity and reliability data available for scrutiny.  They simply hold the college bound hostage, and cash the $250 checks.

June 17, 2008

...91 holes of golf later, and Tiger Woods is your 2008 United States Open Champion---collecting his 14th major win in the first hole of sudden death after he and Rocco Mediate completed Monday's 18 hole playoff tied at even par.  Props to Rocco who will no longer lose sleep over having to host clinics 20 years hence to make ends meet.

...President Bush, completing a two week long summer camp across the pond, proudly returned to Washington with the arts and crafts project he completed shown here on the right.  Disappointed that TSA officials would not allow him to carry on an ashtray and some over mitts aboard Air Force I because of their status as potential weapons, Bush returned with the metaphor for his second administration---a potted plant.

..."(Washington Post - at its best) Senior members of the Congressional Black Caucus yesterday criticized a compromise plan for the proposed merger of the XM and Sirius satellite radio companies, saying the deal does not provide enough opportunities for minority-owned programming.  Members of the black caucus on Capitol Hill have been arguing for the merged company to lease five times that amount of spectrum to companies owned by racial minorities. Short of that, caucus members have warned in letters to the commission and meetings with Martin, they would oppose the merger."  Affirmative satellite radio---only in America.

"(AP) WASHINGTON - Scientists at the Smithsonian Institution's National Zoo have revealed they reversed a vasectomy on an endangered horse to allow it to reproduce naturally — the first-known operation of its kind on an endangered species.  Veterinarians said Monday that the surgery was performed in October 2007 on a Przewalski horse named Minnesota.  Luis Padilla, the zoo veterinarian who performed the reversal surgery, said the procedure was a first for this species and likely for any endangered species."  Suttle World extends props to Dr. Padilla on his ground breaking procedure, but has a question.  Why the hell would anyone perform a vasectomy on a horse in the first place?!  The story goes on the explain, sorta---"A similar surgery was successfully performed while Padilla was a resident at the Saint Louis Zoo in 2003 on South American bush dogs, which resemble Chihuahuas. They are classified as vulnerable but not endangered.  The "temporary vasectomy" could have a significant effect on how animals are managed in captivity by giving zookeepers a new way to control the animal's offspring without having to neuter them or use contraceptives that can change an animal's behavior."  This is all fine and good, but Suttle World is going to tote PETA's water here, and demand that the gentiles of wildlife simply be left alone.  Suttle World believes that if researchers have time to dedicate to the scrotums of Chihuahua like bush dogs that maybe there's some filing or some such to do down the hall in the cancer lab.

..."BUCHAREST (Reuters) - The residents of a Romanian village knowingly voted in a dead man as their mayor in Sunday's municipal election, preferring him to his living opponent."  John Ashcroft was not immediately available for comment---currently involved in missionary work at the Louvre, appropriately covering obscene statuary.

June 16, 2008

...Tiger rattles in a twelve footer for birdie on the last stroke of regulation play, and the US Open Championship moves to an 18 hole playoff between Eldrick and Rocco Mediate beginning at noon (EDT - ESPN; 2:00 NBC).  It was a final round well worthy of its High Holy Day status on what was an otherwise solemn Sunday.

..."(AP) WASHINGTON - The proposed merger of the nation's two satellite radio broadcasters, bogged down in the regulatory process for over a year, has cleared a major hurdle with Federal Communications Commission chief recommending approval of the $5 billion deal."  Suttle World is stunned that the FCC could actually get something right.  Such hijinks would never have happened under the watch of former Chairman and US censor laureate Michael Powell.

...Coming to the rescue to aid the gentle surfer in passing the day before this afternoon's tee time is loathsome landlord cuzin Matt Bruner with another stellar installment of Bruner's Texas Takes.

June 15, 2008

...Memo to the USGA:  in the future, please consider holding your Open Championship in America.  In doing so, you can ensure that play is completed by dark, and pose no threat to the elderly as they drift in and out of consciousness on a Saturday night.  Regardless, following an inauspicious start on the front nine of Torrey Pines (the same side he finished in 30 on Friday), Tiger goes Meadowlark Lemon on the back side Saturday night---holing out pitch shots from half-court while blindfolded and such---to post a one under 70, and take a one stroke lead into today's final round---the Fourth of the Five High Holy Days on the Suttle World Sports Calendar.  Paired with country music legend, Lee Westwood, Woods tees off in the last group at 4:30 (EDT - NBC).  Eleven players are within six strokes of the lead, as if that information was salient in a major Tiger leads going into Sunday.  Open note:  Suttle World is not a Phil hater, but must admit to enjoying the 9 he posted on number 13 yesterday.  Suttle World is increasingly convinced that typical, very demanding, sometimes silly Open conditions are much akin to those in which Suttle World played in its youth.  There were no pencil wide fairways with five progressive cuts of rough perched on cliffs overlooking the Pacific.  Instead, armed with gear as unforgiving as the Tate family is towards Charlie Manson, Suttle World strolled upon grassless, hardpan "fairways," pocked with concrete bunkers and greens that resembled the lunar landscape, in an ambience that included an asshole with a bullhorn yelling, "now you boys hurry it up down there."  Different, yes, but Suttle World maintains the degrees of difficulty were not that far apart.

...It is Sunday morning, and Tim won't be there.  Assuming an average life span (that Russert, of course, proved is far from a certainty), Suttle World will watch hundreds of more weekly editions of Meet the Press, but never again without feeling as if something is very much amiss.  David Brinkley, Dick Schaap and now Tim Russert prematurely joins the American Sunday morning icons to die---leaving the rest of us much worse for the wear.  The election won't be the same/right.  Suttle World must confess a current, irrational anger with Russert.  How dare he die now?

..."(AP) ST JOHN'S, Antigua - Grammy award-winning pop singer Lionel Richie said Saturday that he and the Commodores will reunite soon for a tour.  Richie said a reunion could happen in the next two years."  Much like the proverbial dark cloud's silver lining, certainly the gentle surfer must agree with Suttle World that this news, amidst a presently gloomy backdrop of $4 gasoline, and the potential of a Benson presidency, is a great relief in which all can revel.  The Ohio Players were not immediately available for comment.

...Another Saturday, another split for the Suttle World Senators, who put up a five spot in the bottom of the fifth (without the aid of a hit), and won the opener 7-2 over Who U Whiff, only to fall short 7-1 to the five yungins in the nightcap.  Cuzin Neil pitched another gem in the opener, but the bat rack remained silent for cuzin Blaine, providing no support to speak of in the second game.  The Senators go 5-7 in the first half of the 2008 Wiffle Atlanta campaign, and head back into action next Sunday against the always formidable Home Run Army. 

June 14, 2008

...It is a sad day in Suttle World.  Tim Russert remains one of the figures to be carved into the Mount Rushmore of TV journalism, alongside Brinkley, Cronkite and  Murrow.  His sudden death yesterday at the age of 58 is an unspeakable shock, and enormous loss for millions.

...SW:  Suttle World will take Golf for $1,000, Alex.
AT:    Golf for $1,000.  The answer is:  "Yes."
AT:    Suttle World?
SW:    What is:  did everyone in the US Open field within 5 shots of the lead in some way soil themselves watching Tiger's 30 yesterday on the back side?
AT:    Correct for $1,000.
Suttle World's lower intestinal tract is giving definite signals of a tall boy can of whoop-ass having been opened by Eldrick late yesterday, and that a Pebble Beachesque beat down (at a track where  he always wins) is headed the gentle surfer's way this weekend courtesy of Mr. Woods.  Babies and bum knees can distract even Superman, and if it takes over 20 years to win 20 majors, Suttle World is confident Tiger will do so in 2018 or some such, but at least 20 the number shall be when the career is done, regardless of the outcome this Fathers' Day.

...The Suttle World Senators (4-6) get another chance to reach the .500 mark this afternoon, as they face off against the quick starting, expansion Who U Whiff (7-3) in Wiffle Atlanta action at Glenlake Park in Decatur.  Johnny Beckman is being much kinder to today's combatants by nearly 15 degrees along with overcast skies.

June 13, 2008

...Suttle World's most pressing early morning schedule of late week has not allowed for the usual sage rants.  This morning is no exception, with the caveat that a later update may well be forthcoming.

...One item of business to note on this Friday, June 13, 2008 is a congratulatory communiqué to Kaitlin Waring who will march with fellow classmates this evening, and upon completion of same will be an official and duly noted graduate of Montpelier High School.  

June 11, 2008

...Either Tim Donaghy is lying, or the NBA, as we know it, will soon return to its 1950s status as an afterthought of a "sport."  The potential scandal involved here is eclipsed only by the 1919 Blacksox that would have left baseball dead in the water had a certain fat man not lumbered in to rescue to the game.  This is serious stuff boys and girls, and Suttle World precludes no possible culprit up to and including Gary Bettman  engineering the crisis in a desperate attempt to make hockey relevant again.  Meanwhile, the Lakers get a win at home in what may be the last NBA finals of any consequence, and now trail the Celtics 2 games to 1.

..."WOLONG, China (AP) - Nearly a month after China's devastating earthquake, the Wolong Nature Reserve held a funeral Tuesday for a panda that was crushed in the temblor."  Of course 70,000 humans were killed and another 5 million were left homeless by the disaster, but at least the panda has been given a respectful AMF.  Less than 60 days until the Olympics.

...John Smoltz out for the season, Tom Glavine now on the 15 day DL, and a 10-5 loss to the Cubs at Wrigley yesterday to extend the worst road record in MLB are the things that make for a long summer for Braves fans.  Only 13 more games remaining on the current road trip.

..."AMMAN (AFP) - Archaeologists in Jordan have unearthed what they claim is the world's first church, dating back almost 2,000 years, The Jordan Times reported on Tuesday."  Scientists said that proof came in the form of a portion of a crude sign unearthed at the the dig that was roughly translated to read, "The REALLY First Church of Jordan.  No, serious---THE FIRST FREAKIN CHURCH!"

..."(AP) BANGKOK, Thailand - Long-tailed macaque monkey have a reputation for knowing how to find food — whether it be grabbing fruit from jungle trees or snatching a banana from a startled tourist. Now, researchers say they have discovered groups of the silver-haired monkeys in Indonesia that fish."  The monkeys were observed fishing while lying about a small boat and tossing empty cans of Old Milwaukee overboard.  The monkey shown to the right drew the short straw, and was photographed shlepping back to the 7/11 for more beer.

..."WELLINGTON (Reuters) - About 125 scientists and staff are stationed at McMurdo base, the largest community in Antarctica, during the winter months when there is constant darkness.  Bill Henriksen, the manager of the McMurdo base station, said nearly 16,500 condoms were delivered last month and would be made available, free of charge, to staff throughout the year to avoid the potential embarrassment of having to buy them."   Setting aside the obvious question of where in the hell does the gentle surfer buy condoms in Antarctica, by Suttle World's math, that works out to 132 condoms a head (so to speak).  By Suttle World's reasoning, perhaps closing the Antarctic Bowling Center wasn't such a good idea. 

June 10, 2008

..."(AFP) Smoking apparently presents an increased risk for memory loss in people at mid-life, a new study released Monday found."  Just another to add to the litany of the evils of smoking, excepting that the British researchers seem to get it.  In explaining the correlation between smoking and memory loss to authors state:  "Third, giving up smoking in midlife is accompanied by improvement in other health behaviors."  Eureka!  Of course, such a factor can't be objectively measured, but its a variable that is seldom taken into account in such efforts.  Suttle World was going to explain the esoteric notion in greater detail, but has lost its train of thought.

..."(Telegraph - UK)  BP chief executive Tony Hayward has played down the prospect that the surge in oil may unwind anytime soon as the industry's lack of investment in production capacity catches up with it.  "Producers are being hampered by 25 years of low investments, because of low prices," Mr. Hayward told the Asia Oil and Gas Conference in Kuala Lumpur today. "The result is a supply chain being stretched to breaking point."  A second nail struck flush on the head this morning.

..."WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Democratic Rep. Dennis Kucinich defied his party leadership on Monday by calling for the impeachment of U.S. President George W. Bush for launching the Iraq war -- but his move was not expected to go anywhere."  In response,  Suttle World is hurriedly preparing an amicus curiae brief on behalf of PETA seeking an injunction against Rep. Kucinich from continuing to wear a dead wolverine on his head.

..."(AP) Sen. Edward M. Kennedy is back home from brain cancer surgery with something he didn't have before: lots of treatment options.  Because his tumor was operable, the 76-year-old senator is a candidate for the most promising treatments — traditional and experimental — being used against his dire disease.  Such is the style of care to which the gentle surfer can look forward when socialized medicine comes calling.  All patients with later stage brain tumors will immediately be rushed to Duke Medical Center for surgery and then sent home to consider a number of complex treatment protocols; or maybe, like in the UK, over a fourth of cancer patients will die between diagnosis and being seen by an oncologist.  Suttle World finds it more than ironic that the care Kennedy received may allow him to carry forth with his national health care advocacy to ensure that no Americans will have the options he did after becoming symptomatic several weeks ago.  Meanwhile, the treatment options for Mary Jo Kopechne remain few and far between. 

June 9, 2008

...Suttle World finds the solutions even before any knew problems existed.  "TORONTO (Reuters) - The "Hockey Night in Canada" theme song, a mainstay of Canadian households for 40 years and often thought of as the unofficial second national anthem, may have launched its final hockey game, according to the company that controls use of the song."  The solution, of course, comes from the audio on the Suttle World home page that would make for a new and improved substitute.  "Defensemen, forwards and goalies..."

...Boston takes a 2-0 lead as the NBA finals head to Los Angeles for games 3, 4 and 5, if necessary.

...With gasoline at $4/gallon in a vehicle that gets a mere 20 MPG, a 500 mile roadie will cost an extra $50 as compared to last summer.

June 8, 2008

...Not a bad Saturday, just one punctuated with fits of disappointment...

...From the casual observer to the most meticulous taskmaster, a perusal of yesterday's Daily Racing Form left no doubt in anyone's mind that Big Brown would win the Belmont and become the twelfth in history to capture the Triple Crown.  The only flaw in the previous sentence is that, generally speaking, horses do not read the Daily Racing Form.  In fact, the only thing that is more stunning than the grace and majesty of a thoroughbred race horse is its inherent stupidity.  Bottom line:  Big Brown ran an awful race yesterday, and made a prima facie case for not being among the all time greats---merely among the Canonero IIs of the world.  On to the summer meet at Saratoga, a whirlwind finish at this year's Breeders Cup, and racing will be one year closer to death---with the average age of a patron rising to 78, wagering consistently lower handles.  Meanwhile, JJ's Artiscape, driven by Frank Milby, won the featured 11th race, and paid his backers $3.00, 2.60 and 2.60 as the trotters battled for an enormous purse of $3,000 at Rosecroft Raceway during their Belmont day extravaganza.  The winning time of 1:52.1 stunned the crowd of 216 homeless on hand for the event.

...The Suttle World Senators turn in a disappointing performance yesterday by dropping the night cap and earning merely a split against Charlie Hustle in Wiffle Atlanta action.  It took a two run top of the sixth to get the Senators on the board in the opener, and into extra innings where they prevailed 4-2 in 7 innings.  Cuzin Neil pitched a gem, going the distance.  Bats were rendered dysfunctional after the win, and the Senators shut themselves out in the second game 5-0.

...Satan greatly disappoints Suttle World, turning what had the potential for a tawdry spectacle into a lecture from a librarian.  It was obvious to Suttle World that the segue from vibrant candidate to stern grandmother hasn't been fully rehearsed.  With the words "you won't have Dick Nixon to kick around anymore" bouncing about the inside of its head, Suttle World cannot declare Satan dead, but given her age, and facing an incumbent of some sort in 2012, the gentle surfer may well be able to bid adieu to the most dishonest, corrupt and disingenuous political team in the history of American politics---the Clintons.  Now, quickly amend the Constitution to prohibit former first ladies from sitting on the Supreme Court, and all God's children can sleep more soundly.  The Berlin Wall standing for the past 16 years on the American political landscape has fallen.  Memo to President Clinton:  wag this.

...The first Spritzapalooza of 2008 continues today with the mercury forecast to reach near record levels in the upper nineties with a seeming equally intense humidity.  In fact the entire east coast is eat up with the heat wave.  Never one to shy away from making a helpful suggestions, Suttle World believes the federal government should set an example in the great green movement (akin to the unsavory depiction) and eliminate air conditioning from all federal government buildings.  The savings in tax dollars, not to mention the huge carbon offset is truly the type of progressive change Suttle World seeks---for the children.

June 7, 2008

..."NEW YORK (AP) - Oil prices made their biggest single-day leap ever Friday—clearing $139, dragging the Dow Jones Industrials down nearly 400 points and raising the once-unthinkable prospect of $150 oil and even higher gas prices by the Fourth of July.  And those weren't the only stunning numbers of the day: The government also reported the nation's unemployment rate zoomed to 5.5 percent in May, a monthly rise of half a percentage point, the biggest in 22 years.  Oil surged higher after Morgan Stanley analyst Ole Slorer predicted strong demand in Asia and tight supplies in the Western Hemisphere could drive prices to $150 by Independence Day, when millions of Americans take to the roads."  Given we're all about to die, it would seem folly to carry on with this morning's update, but Suttle World courageously pushes forward.  Add to the news of black Friday the fact that the gentle surfer may lumber into its local bank and receive a whopping 3% return on fixed instruments (money market, high balance checking, CDs and the like); and perhaps an explanation is clearer than many would have thought.  Mandated, obviously below market, interest rates once again bring into question as to whether a national bank (the Fed) is really necessary to interfere with capital markets that result in the dollar being devalued to the level of the peso, and the resultant domino effect catalogued above.  Have specific concerns over the price of crude?  Fair enough, consider allowing the markets to once again go to work.  It took a quadrupling of the price of gas for US consumption to decline for the first time in over a decade, so demand at the pump would seem to be a very inelastic non-starter.  Let the suppliers produce, and the demanders consume.  Drill more domestically, build more refinery capacity, eliminate idiotic boutique gasoline regs that overtax the pipeline infrastructure, and build lots of nukes.  Hell, at $140 a barrel, some are experimenting with using immigrant labor to run on treadmills.  The days of cheap energy may be past, but an unfettered market will more than keep up with demand at these price levels.  Finally, when the unemployment numbers are seasonally adjusted to account for the flood of high school and college kids suddenly in the job market, the final number will be much closer to 5%/FULL EMPLOYMENT!

...Previous poetic musings about the wonder of this year's spring are only memories, as the insufferable blight of heat and humidity have moved in for the next four months.  Take today, please.  The heat index is forecast to be a balmy 95º (and climb to near the century mark) for the first pitch of the Suttle World Senators scheduled double header against Charlie Hustle in Wiffle Atlanta action at Glenlake Park this afternoon.   Today's heated matchup features an offensively potent but pitching challenged Hustle against the sharp armed, small ball team that is the Senators.  Casualty reports as they become available as are tickets at the box office at this writing.  Today is Hepatitis A Vaccination Day---with the first 1,500 paid admissions receiving a free immunization, and a bag of clams from the Jersey shore as a test kit of sorts.

...Speaking of weather, Johnny Beckman advises Suttle World that the mercury should be around the 90º mark in Elmont, NY this evening, so why not take 10 three-year old horses, strap 126 lbs on their backs and have em run a mile and a half?  Yes, the 140th running of the Belmont Stakes will be a true test---a test for what Suttle World is unsure, given none of the entries will ever run that far or carry as much weight again for the rest of their careers as older and stronger horses.  Of course, this is only of marginal interest for the marginal gentle surfer because of the Triple Crown angle.  Suttle World has no idea what impact, if any, the cracked hoof issue will play as Big Brown attempts to become history's twelfth winner of the big three.  Suttle World is unsure as to whether Dutrow of Desormeaux know either.  Suttle World does know that Big Brown has shown himself to be far and away the best three year old of 2008, and by winning at shorter distances going away, sees no reason (other than the aforementioned injury) that would keep him out of the winner's circle this evening.  A morning line of 2:5 probably won't move much before post time, making the only value to be found in watching, not wagering.

...Scheduling conflicts prevented Suttle World from noting the 40th anniversary of the murder of Robert Kennedy in the ballroom of the Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles.

...Today is June 7, and after going 2 for 3 in yet another one run loss by the Braves, Chipper Jones has pushed his batting average to .421.

...Satan is scheduled to address the world today at noon, when she will allegedly suspend her campaign for president.  Suttle World will believe it when the microphone is pried from her cold clammy hand.

June 5, 2008

..."(AP) WASHINGTON - Her path to the nomination inevitable no more, Hillary Clinton plans to announce she is ending her groundbreaking candidacy and supporting Barack Obama, her rival in a presidential quest for the ages."  First, memo to AP dude:  the lead reads more like something from the Ben Hur press kit than the start of a news story.  Second, does Satan's promised withdrawal from the race bear any resemblance to one Lucy van Pelt and a certain football?  If true, and a resignation is forthcoming, it was a most arduous  journey from never was to has been.  Suttle World also had to believe this is a great burden lifted from Satan's shoulders.  Ending a national campaign will allow her to spend more quality time in front of the fire place, reminiscing with "husband" Bill about the good old days as they thumb through scrapbooks filled with old photographs of Vince Foster and Jim Guy Tucker.

...Just as Max Schmeling is the default answer for all sports questions in Trivial Pursuit, alimony and child support is always the answer to "why the hell would he/aging former superstar athlete be doing that?"  Clyde Frazier and Keith Hernandez doing the Just for Men spots ("no play for Mr. Gray") is the perfect example.  Have these titans no dignity?  Yes, but they also have lawyers chasing them around with back alimony and child support papers.  Such has been Suttle World's take with regard to local legend Evander Holyfield and his insistence on  continuing  to "fight" at his advanced age.  "(AJC)  The mother of Evander Holyfield's 10-year-old son — one of nine children he's fathered — says the boxing icon has missed two child-support payments, filing a petition for contempt in the Fayette County Superior Court.  The former heavyweight champion appears to be in serious financial trouble. His palatial estate in Fayette County is under foreclosure, according to a legal notice that appeared in a local newspaper, and is set to be auctioned by Washington Mutual Bank on July 1. The home is worth an estimated $10 million."  Bottom line:  should the gentle surfer be in need of a special guest for a summer birthday, wedding or bar mitzvah, call Evander.  $250/hour with a two hour minimum.  CASH, PLEASE!  Meanwhile, Holyfield is scheduled to go 8 rounds against Mr. Ed in a pay for view event this weekend from Las Vegas.

...The Stanley Cup will reside in Hockeytown, USA for the next year following the Red Wings win over Pittsburgh last night at Joe Louis Arena.  With the NCAA Division I hockey trophy now rightfully in possession of the Atlantic Coast Conference, all is right with the world.

..."(AP) WELLFLEET, Mass. - Local historians for decades thought the 30-foot tall lighthouse that once overlooked Wellfleet Harbor had been taken down and destroyed in 1925.  Turns out, it had just been moved to the California coast.  The fate of the cast-iron tower was uncovered last year by lighthouse researchers and reported by Colleen MacNeney in this month's edition of Lighthouse Digest [the gentle surfer's edition is in the mail].  MacNeney says she discovered correspondence that proved the lighthouse, first erected in 1881, had been moved by the Coast Guard from Wellfleet to Yerba Buena, Calif., and eventually to Point Montara."  "Hey Bob, we need to build a lighthouse."  "Nah Joe, let's just shlep that one in Massachusetts 3200 miles over here."  Suttle World finds early 20th century stupidity to have its own unique charm.

...NBA finals begin tonight in Boston as the Celtics and Lakers are once again opponents for the title.  Suttle World finds the money line for the series to be interesting with the Lakers at -$190 while Boston is a surprising +$165 underdog, despite being 2.5 point favorites in tonight's opener.

...John Smoltz has a space reserved in Cooperstown regardless of the outcome of season ending shoulder surgery that was announced by the Braves yesterday.  250 wins, 150 saves and 12 post season victories in a 20+ year career is the stuff for which the Hall of Fame is intended.

June 4, 2008

...Suttle World did not believe it possible to be shocked at a series of short speeches from various political rallies, but it also didn't think a major party's nomination would still be in doubt in June---still a chat last night from each of the three left standing, and the Suttle World official reaction is:  "Damn!"  First comes Uncle Ernie, who delivers a mealy mouthed rundown on how this election is gonna work, see? (que Jimmy Cagney voice).  Not terribly impressive, seemingly taking a page from the Bush 41, Bob Dole playbook on how to begin to lose elections, but not an uncorrectable error by any means.  Next comes Satan.  Looking, tanned fit, and ready, 15 minutes into her speech from New York, and Suttle World began imagining banging out some description of the most gracious talk ever delivered by the queen of evil, then she refuses to go away.  "Even though Benson has a majority of delegates,  I'm not going to make a decision.  Good night New York, and God bless America."  Suttle World believes the previous to be the gist of Satan's last lines.  Next comes Benson, and claims the nomination while hitting the type of home run prescribed by Suttle World Political Consulting earlier this week.  Excited glittering platitudes---new speak for the traditional agenda of the far left, now disguised as "change"---is the puncher's chance Benson has come November.  It was a a remarkable evening, and still leaves open the possibility of Korean parliamentary fist fights on the convention floor in Denver. 

..."(Bloomberg) -- General Motors Corp., struggling to return to profit amid record gasoline prices, said it will close four truck plants, make more small cars, and may drop its Hummer brand of large sport-utility vehicles."  Not exactly news to the gentle surfer who still fogs a mirror, rather an excellent object lesson.  The record is clear that stately Roberts/Suttle Manor is domiciled in the state of Georgia, that like many other states, now requires students to pass a standardized test in addition to completing a prescribed curriculum in order to obtain a high school diploma.  The idea of a graduation test isn't inherently flawed, but does raise the standardized, legitimate objections of cultural bias and the like as the exam evaluates a student's proficiency in language, mathematics, science and history.  Suttle World suggests short circuiting the process.  As opposed to a standardized graduation test, each student would be required to write a two-three page essay explaining the basic macro-economic theory behind the above lead.  Its not a trick question.

..."China police break up earthquake school protesters," reads the AP headline this morning.  A quick glance, and several questions immediately arise.  Why would police need to break up an earthquake?  Seems like tectonic plates do a much more efficient job.  What exactly is the curriculum at an earthquake school, and are earthquake school students doing the protesting or are there others protesting against the earthquake school?  Inquiring minds...

June 3, 2008

...Today is the first since December 30, 1928 that the planet has had to carry on without Bo Diddley.  The pride of McComb, MS, Diddley was truly larger than his immense legend, and had a profound influence on the life of each and every gentle surfer, whether they realize it or not.  Mt. Rushmoresque figures rarely come and go.  The death of Bo Diddley yesterday at the age of 79 was one of those moments---a giant of an American whose art shaped the entire world.

..."(AP) WASHINGTON (AP) - Sen. Robert C. Byrd [KKK-WV] was hospitalized Monday night at his doctor's urging after suffering from lethargy and sluggishness at the Capitol and, later, at his home, a spokesman for the 90-year-old Democrat said."  It occurs to Suttle World that the same lead could have been written in 1974, and no one would have thought any differently of the circumstances.

..."(AP) WASHINGTON  Barack Obama pushed close to victory in the marathon Democratic presidential race Monday on the eve of a final pair of primaries amid signs that Hillary Clinton was preparing to acknowledge defeat."  In and of itself, this matter is one of mathematics as opposed to news, with the exception of Satan's anticipated "no mas" announcement today.  The gentle surfer is reminded of B horror flicks from BITD.  Sure, the vampire was eventually vanquished, and everybody lived happily ever after until about six months later when Return of the Vampire would show up at the Bijou, only to be followed was Bride of Vampire and then I Was a Teenage Vampire for the DEA.  The point, of course, being that while Suttle World is delighted by the high likelihood of Satan's demise in 2008, she's "not dead yet."  The gentle surfer is urged to keep the stakes, garlic and silver bullets handy.

..."(Live Science.com)  Humans can see into the future, says a cognitive scientist. It's nothing like the alleged predictive powers of Nostradamus, but we do get a glimpse of events one-tenth of a second before they occur.  And the mechanism behind that can also explain why we are tricked by optical illusions.  Researcher Mark Changizi of Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in New York says it starts with a neural lag that most everyone experiences while awake. When light hits your retina, about one-tenth of a second goes by before the brain translates the signal into a visual perception of the world."  Suttle World sees the operative part of the mildly interesting concept outlined above as the delay factor "before the brain translates the signal into a visual perception of the world."  This, because it has been Suttle World's longtime experience that there are wide ranges of delay factors from one gentle surfer to another.  Measuring the delay factor might actually bring about the long awaited breakthrough of a truly objective Mit)h Quotient.  The possibilities are endless.

..."(AP) Penguins stay alive with triple-overtime victory," reads the headline.  Suttle World did not stay alive that long, but extends its props to the Pens for scoring with an empty net and only 34 seconds left on the clock to send the game into overtime/Suttle World nighty-night time, and then persevering in one of those legendary four and a half hour NHL playoff games (typically a game seven Capitals loss).  And so with Detroit still leading 3-2, the series shleps back to Pittsburgh Wednesday night.

...The Bulldogs break to the losers' bracket and proceeded to win four straight in three days, culminating in an 18-6 victory over Tech last night to win their Regional and advance to the Super Regional against NC State this weekend in Athens in what is always a most confusing NCAA baseball post season.  No ticket information was readily discernable as of this writing. 

June 2, 2008

...There's a lot of fun stuff out there with which Suttle World could play this morning, but the fatigue from the demands of the past week, combined with a continuing uphill path the next 48 hours leave Suttle World triaging this morning's update to the bottom of the pile.  So instead of the typical FDA endorsed, well balanced diet of nonsensical rants from Suttle World, the floor shall  be yielded to our friend to the west, and in doing so all shall benefit from the much more cogent ruminations of cuzin Matt with his latest stellar installments of Bruner's Texas Takes >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

June 1, 2008

...A greatly depleted Suttle World Senators club grinds out a split against arguably the league's best (and until yesterday undefeated) team, the Yellow Jackets in Wiffle Atlanta action.  Come game time, twas only Grandpa Suttle, cuzin Nathan (returning from the DL while still bandaged from a most unfortunate power tool accident several weeks ago) and always trusty cuzin Blaine that were present to take on the Faster and Louder five flat bellies.  Game one goes to the Yellow Jackets 8-2---something of a moral victory, considering Grandpa was pressed into service and pitched all six innings.  SSDD (same start, different day)---tossing his first pitches of the 2008 campaign, Grandpa was respectable---keeping the youngsters off balance, excepting the obligatory three strikes that traveled a considerable distance in the opposite direction.  The first dinger is still being tracked by NASA and expected to land somewhere in the north Atlantic later this morning).  The nightcap was a different story.  Cuzin Blaine pitched one of the true gems of his career.  The Senators grind out a couple more runs, and win 2-1.  Shake up the bat rack a little, and the Senators are still a ball club that can make noise in the post season.  Shout out to Wiffle veteran Dion who made his first appearance yesterday in many a moons---now fully recovered from a near career ending injury last season.

..."WASHINGTON (AP) - Democratic Party officials agreed Saturday to seat Michigan and Florida delegates with half-votes, ruling on a long-running dispute that has threatened the party's chances in November and maintaining Barack Obama's front-runner status as he moves closer to the nomination."  Suttle World can provide a witnesses' affidavit that less than five seconds elapsed from Suttle World learning of such a proposal, and its recitation of a "reaction" from Satan's campaign---"Senator Clinton finds it disturbingly ironic that Senator Obama, whose own ancestors  by Constitutional mandate were once counted as only three-fifths of a person, would endorse a plan of his own party that counts the delegates from Michigan and Florida  as only half a person."  Suttle World Political Consulting is still accepting new clients for the November cycle.

...After taking a 3-1 lead in the Stanley Cup finals last night against the Pens at the Igloo, the Red Wings are now a prohibitive favorite to win the title.  The only action left on the board is over/under 17---the number of cars burned in metro Detroit following the home team's win. 

SUTTLEWORLD 
               
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