Archives---July, 2008

July 31, 2008 A Hunka-hunk of burning love

...SEOUL (Reuters) - A South Korean man won his appeal against a one-year jail term for assisting in a suicide by throwing a lighter to his gasoline-soaked rival in love.  The Seoul appeal court reversed a lower court ruling, saying that the 30-year-old man had not believed the ex-lover of his girlfriend would actually set light to himself...Last September, the former boyfriend had stopped the couple in their car after dousing himself in petrol, threatening to kill himself if she did not get out.  The defendant then threw him a lighter, saying: "Go ahead and kill yourself," the news agency said.  The man died of his burns."  Props to dearly departed KFC (Korean Fried Crispy) dude for taking the act of "carrying a torch" to an entirely new level.

..."(AP) SPRINGFIELD, Mo. - Democrat Barack Obama, the first black candidate with a shot at winning the White House, says John McCain and his Republican allies will try to scare them by saying Obama "doesn't look like all those other presidents on the dollar bills."  Benson may have a point here, because none of the dead presidents to which he refers in any way look to Suttle World like the most liberal member of the United States Senate.  And for what its worth Uncle Ernie doesn't exactly "pass" in this look alike test either.  Franklin was never president.

..."(AP) BLACKWOOD, N.J. - Talk about New Jersey's fat cats. A 44-pound feline was found waddling around Saturday without a collar in Voorhees, and officials at the Camden County Animal Shelter hope she gets a nice — hopefully, diet-friendly — home.  "She's built like a quarterback," said Deborah Wright, a shelter volunteer and current foster owner of the kitty. "I mean, how do you lose a 44-pound cat?!"  Suttle World suspects kitty is not lost,  and instead it was merely found wandering in search of a new owner after having eaten the members of the last household in which it lived.

...Blast from the past time.  Though he's got a hell of a resume doing studio work with an impressive array of folks, it occurred to Suttle World recently that Gary Wright may well have had the most boring solo career of any artist in the history of recorded music.  Yeah, "Dream Weaver" dude---a more appropriately named song has yet to come down the pike.  Many artists aspire to write a tune that will last the test of time to later be rearranged in an instrumental format and heard by elevator riders from coast-to-coast.  Wright was daring enough to crank out Otis lift fit music while still in his prime.

July 30, 2008 Bruner's Texas Takes and More

...Having been duly admonished by one of his many fans, cuzin Matt FINALLY reports in with yet another piece of Lone Star literature that is bound to bring the gentle surfer even greater health, liberty and prosperity.  He heals the blind, allows the sick to see, and crawls on his belly like  reptile.  So, now on the main stage is cuzin Matt ("Matt, to the main stage"), and remember, he's working for tips and tips alone.  The gentle surfer will have to negotiate their own table dance deal.

..."(AFP) China will censor the Internet used by foreign media during the Olympics, an organizing committee official confirmed Wednesday, reversing a pledge to offer complete media freedom at the games.  "During the Olympic Games we will provide sufficient access to the Internet for reporters," said Sun Weide, spokesman for the organizing committee.  He confirmed, however, that journalists would not be able to access information or websites connected to the Falungong spiritual movement which is banned in China.  Other sites were also unavailable to journalists, he said, without specifying which ones."  The gauntlet has been thrown, and now Suttle World embarks on a mission to be banned from the Olympic games.  Time's a wasting, so let's get started.  The current RED Chinese regime that took power in 1949 during Mao's revolution has been the world's all time heavyweight champion mass-murderer.  The number of Chinese killed during nearly 50 years of genocide number into the tens of millions, and is rivaled only by Stalin's bloody rule.  These days, Stalin doesn't do much---spending most of his time just lying around Red Square.  China, on the other hand, is still on a roll---whacking its own citizens and trampling on every statute of natural law known to man when convenient for the inherently evil Communist regime.  Oh, and Mao's mama wore blue Converse All-Stars.  Its a start, with more to come.  Suttle World will devote some of the rest of the day researching contacts that the gentle surfer might reach in this heroic effort to get Suttle World banned from the Olympics.

..."LOS ANGELES (AP) - The Los Angeles City Council has approved a one-year moratorium on new fast-food restaurants in a low-income area of the city.  The moratorium unanimously approved Tuesday is a bid to attract restaurants that offer healthier food choices to residents in a 32-square-mile area of South Los Angeles."  A lovely gesture from the bleeding hearted, but despite the august decision by the LA City Council, it will prove no match to the mighty tag team of Adam Smith and Charles Darwin.

..."(Politico.com) “I’m trying to save the planet; I’m trying to save the planet,” she says impatiently when questioned. “I will not have this debate trivialized by their excuse for their failed policy.”  So says the most ineffective Speaker of the House in recent memory, Nancy Pelosi, in an interview with Politco.  Suttle World whole heartedly endorses Rep. Pelosi's mission, and respectfully suggests that her quest can best be accomplished outside the halls of the Capitol.  A four year expedition to study melting in Antarctica might well prove to be in the best interest of not only the planet but all of its current inhabitants as well.

..."(AP) BEIJING - Flooding and poor harvests have caused North Korea's worst food crisis since the late 1990s and have put millions at risk, the United Nations' food agency said Wednesday.  The food shortage threatens widespread malnutrition, the World Food Program said."  Sounds dire, but Suttle World comes to the rescue with a market based solution.  Its basic bartering.  North Korea trades us their nukes, and in exchange, the US provides each North Korean citizen with a Sam's Club membership.  Sure, one is still limited to buying 200 pounds of rice on any given visit, but make two or three trips a week for the rest of the summer, and the country is stocked up for the long Korean winter.

July 29, 2008  Amish Whack Biker---PA authorities fear a trend

..."(Fox News) MEADVILLE, Pa. —  A motorcyclist is dead after an accident with a Amish buggy in northwestern Pennsylvania.  Police say a group of Amish people fishing at Pymatuning State Park had their horse tied up on Friday night. But the horse broke loose and pulled the buggy onto Route 6 east of Linesville, in Crawford County. The unlighted buggy collided with a motorcycle operated by 42-year-old Duane Forsythe of Beaver Falls.  Forsythe was killed. His passenger, 44-year-old Catherine Fosnaught, also of Beaver Falls, was injured. The horse wasn't hurt."  Another sad state of affairs that is cause for Suttle World to implore the gentle surfer to please heed the ubiquitous bumper sticker:  "Watch Out For The Amish.  They're Everywhere."

...In this brave new world in which we live where gasoline is $4/gallon and the Suttle World Senators win 11 of their last 14 games, anything is possible.  The notion was further evidenced last Sunday on This Week Really Really Without David Brinkley when perennial lightweight Cokie Roberts actually made an interesting and cogent point (see, my friends, the times, they are a changin', big time) by stating:  "All Obama has to do is pick a boring white guy [for VP]."  Truer words were never spoken, and the Obama camp must have been watching because the Washington Post reports this morning that Virginia Governor Timothy Kaine is on Benson's short list of running mates.  Kaine doesn't exactly look vice presidential.  Instead, Kaine looks as though he'd be more at home taking the Fifth Amendment in front of a Senate hearing on organized crime.  Regardless, he meets the well articulated Roberts criteria---definitely a boring white guy.

...ST. LOUIS (AP) - Two prayer services will be held at St. Louis gas stations to thank God for lower fuel prices and to ask that they continue to drop. Darrell Alexander, Midwest co-chair of the Pray at the Pump movement, says prayer gatherings will be held Monday afternoon and evening at a Mobil station west of downtown St. Louis. Participants say they plan to buy gas, pray and then sing "We Shall Overcome" with a new verse, "We'll have lower gas prices."  Res jokus loquitur.

..."CHICAGO (Reuters) - One of three U.S. adults already suffers from some degree of hearing loss and the use of personal stereos and an aging population may create a hearing impairment epidemic, researchers said on Monday.  A team at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore estimated that 55 million Americans have hearing loss in one or both ears, with men, whites and the least-educated most affected."  Another large unidentified group of the near deaf include the throngs who witnessed one or more of nearly 2000 Ramones gigs.  SOTD affords the appropriate tribute.

July 28, 2008  Gas Price Dip Fails to Improve Algebra Skills---women and children expected to be hit hardest

...Suttle World, like most gentle surfers, is pleased to see some price relief at the pump, but finds the dime a gallon drop over the past week to be much more amusing than economically enriching.  Local "news" coverage of gas prices over the weekend featured a number of short comments by motorists as they filled up.  Chosen for broadcast, were those who explained that the decrease was cause for them to hit the road or believe that they might now be able to afford to take a summer vacation that had been cancelled because of fuel prices.  Given math is fun, let's have some giggles.  The drive from NYC to Los Angeles is roughly 2800 miles.  Take a few excursions, and we'll bring in the round trip at 6000.  A vehicle getting 20 MPG will consume 300 gallons of gasoline on this journey, and last week's drop in prices will save the gentle surfer a whopping $30 (or 4 Euros) in gasoline expense on a coat-to-coast roundtrip roadie!

..."(NY Post) There's something fishy at South Street Seaport.  A mystery odor wafting through the seaport's residential neighborhood for the past few weeks has restaurants reeling, homeowners gagging and tourists left holding their noses.  "We're supposed to be up and coming and trendy," said resident Ellen Murphy. "Now we just smell like fish."  Suttle World is heartbroken whenever the up and coming and trendy end up just smelling like dead fish.

..."(AP) MILWAUKEE - Brett Favre didn't report to the Green Bay Packers' training camp Sunday, temporarily easing tensions in the three-time MVP's ongoing standoff with the team."  Just further amusement for Suttle World.  On one hand, there's Favre, behaving like the not too bright chap that many had suspected to be the case for quite some time---whining to Greta Van Susteren for God's sake.  At the same time, be it good, bad or indifferent, Suttle World also very much enjoys watching an NFL franchise being made to squirm at a high rate of wiggling.  Suttle World believes Favre will play somewhere this year, and as to where he's taken in any fantasy draft will make him, far and away, the most interesting pick of the season.  Hey, if you can't be the most valuable (as was the case 5 or so years ago), at least be the most intriguing.

...The AP headline says it all:  "Mars lander has trouble getting sample in oven."  Just more prima facie evidence for the Suttle World Dog Food Theory of Life.  For the uninitiated the theory works like this:  given there are three different supermarkets within two miles of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor, each with an aisle singularly devoted to pet food, generally speaking, things can't be that bad.  And so goes the aforementioned event that quite rightly merited a headline:  if a robotic Mars rover is having difficulty shoveling dirt into its Easy Bake is news, generally speaking, things can't be that bad.

July 27, 2008  Darwin 1 Idiot Swimmers 0/Dead in NY Beach Smackdown

..."(AP) NEW YORK - Four swimmers drowned and three were missing Saturday in two days of treacherous ocean currents at Long Island. and New York City beaches, authorities said. At least three more had been rescued...On Friday, the rip current risk was [increased from] "moderate to strong."  Props to Darwin for his continuing, dutiful work on behalf of all mankind.  Suttle World Public Safety Memo:  Oceans cover nearly two-thirds of the earth's surface.  They are enormous, fierce and strong forces of nature.  You are not.  Please be governed accordingly.

...Is it just Suttle World's ignorance, or is it true that all bank failures happen west of the Mississippi?  Sure, the tellers at Charlotte, NC based Wachovia miscounted $8 billion worth of losses last quarter, but there were no runs by depositors.

...The Suttle World Senators earn a much too hard fought split against the DeKalb Division pennant winning Yellow Jackets yesterday in the final weekend of the Wiffle Atlanta 2008 regular season, and end their campaign at 14-8---taking 11 of their last 14.  In keeping with a now three week trend that is neither noble nor desirable, if its game one of a double header, there's gonna be extra innings.  After the gift of two walks and a base hit, Grandpa Suttle collected one of his signature ground out RBIs in the top of the 10th, as cuzin Neil, who gave the Senators a comfortable 2-0 lead with his second dinger of the year, pitched all 10 in a magnificent performance despite Grandpa's best effort to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory through constant defensive blunders.  That's a total of 31 innings in the first game of the last 3 weeks' doubleheaders that were scheduled for 18/6 each!  It was Neil's league leading eighth win of the season. Grandpa commenced to start game two, going three innings and amazingly allowed but two runs. Cuzin Blaine finished with an excellent outing of his own, but the good guys refused to take advantage of a number of scoring opportunities, and dropped the nightcap 5-3.  Noteworthy, is that the Jackets were shorthanded, especially in the pitching department.  Suttle World does not believe that will be the case should the teams meet in two weeks for the division title.  First, its round one, next Saturday against the Swamp Donkeys in a best of three game series.  The big Wiffle Atlanta news from Saturday came with the last pitch of the day on field #2.  There, Commissioner Jordan threw a most excellent breaking ball to strike out a forgotten Swamp Donkey, and retire the side in the bottom of the 14th inning---the same one in which the Commissioner had hit a solo shot in the top half.  Bottom line, the Pirates get their lone victory of the season in many extra innings of their last outing---pushing their record to 1-23.  Major props to the Commissioner, Marc, Stephen and the entire Pirates organization for cheerfully enduring what became a joke of a regular season for the Bucs, who played much better than their record might indicate.  The Pirates will face the Yellow Jackets next Saturday in the other DeKalb Divisional Playoff Series.  First round matchups for the four teams in the Fulton Division are still up in the air, and will not be decided until after play today.  The exceptional expansion Wifflesaurus (16-4) ball club has clinched the Fulton pennant, but the other three teams are all within a game of each other in a purely intra divisional Sunday.  120 games were on the schedule when play began May 3.  Assuming both doubleheaders come off today, 100 of those games will have been played, with half of those that didn't come off being due to two different teams surrendering mid-season.  Pretty impressive for an entirely private endeavor.  Props again to Commissioner Jordan for pulling off a pretty gosh darn good season.  On to the playoffs and the 2008 Wiffle Atlanta World Series!

...Just when Suttle World begins to believe that everyone else in the National League East might be awful enough, and with Mike Hampton making his first start in three years, that the Braves might actually have a shot, they blow a six run lead, and end up losing  to the bowl swirling Phillies 10-9---their 25th consecutive loss of a one run road game.  Suttle World remains convinced that if Ted sold less than half of Wyoming and a the hat was passed, he'd have more than enough bucks to buy the ballclub back.  Liberty Mutual Land is proving to be no more entertaining than was AOL/Time-Warner Land/roughly akin to a dozen consecutive trips through "Its A Small World." 

..."(AP) MINNEAPOLIS - Standard & Poors downgraded the debt of some of the nation's largest carriers on Friday, saying high fuel prices are likely to cause heavy losses this year at American, United and Northwest airlines."  Suttle World makes mention of this only because it was shocked to learn there were ratings lower than that already enjoyed by American, United and Northwest (Orient).  The reports also conspicuously fails to mention Braniff, and Suttle World is suspicious.

July 26, 2008  Suttle World Senators Close Out Regular Season

...The red hot Suttle World Senators (with an updated page) finish up the 2008 regular season this afternoon in the last weekend of Wiffle Atlanta action prior to next week's begin of post season play.  With second place solidly secured, today's opponent is the DeKalb Division's eventual winner, the 18-5 Yellow Jackets.  Sporting three of the league's five lowest ERA's, the Jackets are a formidable ball club well deserving of their divisional crown.  Sources close to Suttle World indicate the Senators will approach today's festivities  as an exhibition---allowing for some experimentation, and taking a long hard look at the team the Senators will have to beat to get to the World Series next month.

...Props to brother Boortz for the line of the week, be it his or another Henny Youngman deal.  Seems as though a men's toiletries maker's customer research showed that Michiganders are number one when it comes to sexual experience in the shower.  86% of Michigan respondents said they have had sex in the shower.  The other 14% said they had yet to serve any significant prison time.  Boortz also drew attention to the most brilliant piece of prose Suttle World has had the pleasure to behold in some time in the form of Gerald Baker's column for the Times Online in the UK.  Suttle World's previously detailed symptoms of Bensonitis pale in comparison to Baker's masterpiece.  A MUST READ/CLICK FOR THE GENTLE SURFER!

..."(AP) WASHINGTON - Homeowners struggling to make their house payments could get government mortgage relief under a rescue plan that seeks to revive the chaotic housing market and help reverse the economic downturn.  The Senate is expected Saturday to clear the wide-ranging legislation — considered the most significant housing measure in decades — for President Bush's signature, and the White House says he'll sign it quickly."  It would seem as the only question left is whether to go over or under (in real dollars) on the cost of the current unnecessary and unwarranted/extra-constitutional mortgage bail-out, or the unnecessary and unwarranted S&L bailout of some 20 years ago that came in at a price tag of about $125 billion in 1990 dollars.

"(AP) MANILA, Philippines - Australian investigators on Saturday began examining a Qantas jumbo jet which had to make an emergency landing after a large hole opened on its fuselage, a Philippine aviation official said."  Props to Qantas for not procrastinating on its maintenance schedule.  Suttle World's experience is that if one doesn't tend to large holes opened in a jumbo jet's fuselage in a timely matter, other problems are bound to present themselves.  Suttle World also sends props to the AP stringer for both writing the above stellar (and perhaps Pulitzer winning) lead, and on his pay scale rising to $6.55/hour as of Thursday.

"(AP) TOKYO - Japanese and Mongolian scientists have successfully recovered the complete skeleton of a 70-million-year-old young dinosaur, a nature museum announced Thursday."  A spokesman for the Clinton family expressed their gratitude to the archeological team for returning Hillary's remains.  "Now the family can have a sense of closure," said Dirk Bremen in a prepared statement read outside the Clinton home in Chappaqua, NY. 

July 25, 2008    Benson Rocks Berlin

..."(AP) BERLIN - Cheered by an enormous international crowd, Democratic presidential contender Barack Obama on Thursday summoned Europeans and Americans together to "defeat terror and dry up the well of extremism that supports it" as surely as they conquered communism a generation ago.  Obama said he was speaking as a citizen, not as a president, but the evening was awash in politics as the first-term U.S. senator sought to burnish his international credentials for the fall campaign at home. His remarks before a crowd estimated at more than 200,000 inevitably invited comparison to historic speeches in the same city by Presidents Kennedy and Reagan."  A reunion of the two surviving Beatles was scheduled to be the warm up act, but Paul and Ringo were booed relentlessly from the stage in anticipation of Benson's arrival.  Suttle World calls time out for a quick reality check.  According of any of a number of groups, with varying agendas who track such things, Benson is rated as the most liberal member of the US Senate.  Recent health issues notwithstanding, even the yellerest of yellow dog Democrats would readily admit that Ted Kennedy, the poster child for the American left, couldn't beat Mr. Potato Head in a presidential election.  Suttle World has difficulty imagining a candidate more liberal than Teddy can win a national election.  Memo to Uncle Ernie's campaign:  Suttle World Political Consulting, Ltd. has written your candidates stump speech for use through November.  "Hello, my name is John McCain.  I served over six years as a prisoner of war in Vietnam, and I'm running for president against he most liberal member of the US Senate.  Thank you.  Goodnight, and please drive safely.  God bless the United States of America."  Recite nothing more and nothing less for the next several months, and McCain is the 44th president.  May God have mercy on the United States of America.

..."(AP) ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. - The plant has been described by local residents as magical, its qualities almost mythical.  The native herb yerba mansa, translated from Spanish as the "calming herb," has been used medicinally for centuries throughout the Southwest by American Indians and Hispanics to treat ailments ranging from toothaches to sinus infections.  But before the ancient medicinal herb can get its day in the sun, researchers must find a way to protect the ecologically threatened plant from depletion by habitat loss and urban development."  A problem indeed---one that makes Suttle World ponder if there may be a non ecologically threatened calming herb to study.  Probably not, but it may be worthy of consideration.

..."(AP) ANCHORAGE, Alaska - A grizzly bear attacked a woman, wrapping its jaws around her head before a guest scared it away."  Memo to the AP:  let's cover this one more time:  dog bites man is not news.  Man bites dog is.  Give Suttle World a lead that reads:  "A woman attacked a grizzly bear, wrapping her jaws around its head before a guest scared her away," and we have an interesting current event with which to work. 

...Belated shout out to new Suttle World buddy Dino Martin Peters who was kind enough to send encouraging words regarding the other Dino, who's 1964 #1 hit, "Everybody Loves Somebody," was posted as SOTD earlier this week.  Most appreciated pallie.

..."(AP) The WNBA punished so many players for their roles in this week's skirmish that the league is staggering the suspensions by alphabetical order.  "None of us can recall an incident like this," WNBA president Donna Orender said Thursday during a conference call.  The league suspended Detroit assistant coach Rick Mahorn and 10 players following the dustup between the Shock and the visiting Los Angeles Sparks on Tuesday."  Sources close to Suttle World report that also included in the envelope with the letter of suspension sent to each player was a check for $5,000 and short hand written note that read:  "next time, $10K."

July 24, 2008

...Suttle World would like to extend its warmest thanks to the City of Decatur Department of Parks and Recreation for dutifully cutting the grass at the Wiffle Atlanta complex in Glenlake Park.  Suttle World would also very much like to thank the Department for not requiring Suttle World to cram a 17 inch mower into the back seat of a Toyota Corolla (a task similar to building ships in bottles), but it cannot.  Despite Suttle World's chagrin at the most unneeded ergs spent, the task at hand was accomplished, and the fields of dreams are now re-striped, and ready for the last week of the 2008 regular season this weekend.  The red hot Suttle World Senators, winners of their last eight, are likely to get heaping helping of comeuppance Saturday (and a helpful good hard look) when they face off against the dreaded Yellow Jackets---who have clinched a pennant, and most likely will be the team to beat for the Senators to advance out of the DeKalb Division and into the 2008 Wiffle Atlanta World Series during post season play in August.

...In breaking news from the surrounds of the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite HQ..."(Hendersonville, NC Times-News)  A day before he was supposed to appear in court for a motions hearing in his murder trial, Buford Filmore Snoddy was found dead at his home.  Snoddy, 61, was found by his brother, Theodore, who said in a 911 call that Buford had killed himself.  Snoddy was to be tried for the first-degree murder of his cousin, 47-year-old Katherine Hedrick of Hendersonville, on April 6, 2007.  Dispatchers received a 911 call, which was classified in law enforcement records as a report of a gunshot wound. Sheriff’s deputies, Valley Hill firefighters and the Henderson County Rescue Squad were summoned to the home, which is near Moonshine Mountain snow tubing park."  To summarize, accused murderer Buford Filmore Snoddy ate the Egg McMagnum near Moonshine Mountain.  News indeed.

..."(AP) WASHINGTON - About 2 million Americans get a raise Thursday as the federal minimum wage rises 70 cents. The bad news: Higher gas and food prices are swallowing it up, and some small businesses will pass the cost of the wage hike to consumers.  The increase, from $5.85 to $6.55 per hour, is the second of three annual increases required by a 2007 law. Next year's boost will bring the federal minimum to $7.25 an hour."  It will come as no surprise to the frequent gentle surfer that Suttle World opposes a minimum wage at any level---being of the naive notion that big boys and girls can negotiate their own terms of employment without the help of mommy/government.  To the gentle surfer who is in disagreement with Suttle World, a question if you please.  If $7.25 an hour is an improvement, would not a $25/hour minimum wage make for damn near economic utopia?  Given that the gentle surfer that knows Adam Smith from Gomez Adams, sees the minimum wage as nonsensical, it makes perfect sense that today's hike kicks in on a Thursday, July 24.  Huh?!

...In a heroic effort to keep up with mega-bank Wachovia..."(AP) DEARBORN, Mich. - Ford Motor Co. said Thursday it lost $8.67 billion in the second quarter largely because of a reduction in the value of assets." Suttle World directs the gentle surfer's attention to the final phrase of the quote.  Ford lost over $8 BILLION last quarter "because of a reduction in the value of assets."  We may well have a winner of this year's "no shit, Sherlock" award.  That gosh darn asset value reduction gets you every time.  That being said, Suttle World also believes that, in the bigger scheme of things, it would have made absolutely no difference if Ford were to have lost an additional $0.01 billion at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.  Yet another big business opportunity squandered by Suttle World.  Sure, the Ralph Kramden School of Business might not have been the best choice, but hindsight is 20:20, no?

...Inexplicably, yet another "rare" SOTD comment.  Suttle World knows not why it is currently mired in damn near half century old hits, but speaking of hits...Suttle World believes Minnie Miñoso and today's SOTD composer, Burt Bacharach, may well be the only two humans who can lay claim to having hits in four different decades.

July 23, 2008

...Suttle World extends its congratulations to Dolly, the first hurricane of the 2008 season to make landfall on the North American continent.  The projected path of the category one storm is expected to drench southeastern Texas and northeastern Mexico over the next day or so---a path that should avoid any direct contact with now Lone Start State domiciled Suttle World regular contributor, cuzin Matt.  The palatial Bruner Estate lies north of Dolly's expected track, and should leave metro Coldspring with a goodly amount of rain and wind---a far cry from the devastation visited several years ago. (click map to enlarge).

...Speaking of Mexico, the nice folks who were kind enough to teach the indigenous population to speak Spanish a few hundred years back will receive yet another reward come October.  Yes, the long anticipated short tour of Spain by The Dictators has been unofficially officially announced.  The gentle surfer who "Is to proud say/I was born and raised/Here, where the streets are paved/Here, in the USA" are basically screwed until further notice.  The current "intro" page of Suttle World displays the "demo" poster for the tour.  The Spanish rejoice (there have been reports of men weeping openly in the streets of Barcelona), as The Dictators underground on this side of the pond continue to shake their heads ruefully.  Evidently, nearly 35 years of idolatry doesn't merit a gig on their native soil.  Memo to the Bronx Bombers:  don't make Suttle World come up there without a ducat in hand!

..."CHARLOTTE, N.C. (AP) -- Wachovia Corp. reported a surprisingly large second-quarter loss Tuesday, deflating Wall Street's hopes that the nation's big banks are weathering the credit crisis well. The bank said it lost $8.86 billion, is slashing its dividend and eliminating 10,750 positions after losses tied to mortgages soared."  The story goes on to chronicle a bunch of numbers and analyst's takes, but never quite gets around to explaining how the hell a mega-bank could lose almost $9 BILLION in a single quarter.  Can the tellers not count?  Memo to Wachovia:  a penalty of $39 has been deducted from your checking account for being overdrawn.

..."(Bloomberg) -- General Motors Corp. and Ford Motor Co., the two biggest U.S. automakers, have about a 46 percent chance of default within five years, according to Edward Altman, a finance professor at New York University's Stern School of Business."  Suttle World could not disagree more, finding the chances of default to be 47.6%.  Suttle World suspects Edward Altman was formerly a teller for Wachovia.

..."NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - People recovering from alcoholism seem to drink more coffee and have a higher rate of smoking than the average American, a new study shows...Exactly what is all means is not yet clear."  Suttle World knows exactly what it means:  Suttle World needs to get into the study conducting business.  "Rain often makes the out of doors wet, a new study by the Suttle World Institute of Studying Really Stupid Stuff shows."

...The gentle surfer will please excuse the interruption in today's update---halted briefly for a coffee and cigarette break.

..."(AP) RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil - Hundreds of baby penguins swept from the icy shores of Antarctica and Patagonia are washing up dead on Rio de Janeiro's tropical beaches, rescuers and penguin experts said Friday."  Perhaps Suttle World should expand its horizons even further, and become an expert as well.  "Martha, is that a dead penguin?"  "I don't know dear, we better call in an expert."

...Yes, SOTD, is proudly spelled correctly.

July 22, 2008

..."(AFP) One of Italy's leading animal rights groups said Monday it was launching an internet petition to demand Pope Benedict XVI stop wearing fur during religious ceremonies at the Vatican."  It would seem as tough the Suttle World Dog Food Theory of Life is alive and well in Europe too.

...Suttle World was pretty darn excited upon learning that Bill Murray would be making a jump from a plane as part of a special appearance at the Chicago Air and Water Show next month.  Spirits were quickly dampened however when Suttle World read further and discovered Murray will be wearing a parachute.

..."(The Economist) A Study in a journal, the Lancet Oncology, compares cancer survival rates across five continents for the first time. After adjusting country data, from the 1990s, for differences in both age and death rates in the general population, Americans were found to have the best chance of survival for two of the five cancers that the researchers considered: breast cancer in women and prostate cancer. (Cuba had impressive survival rates, but these were probably over-estimated, say researchers). Europe lags behind America, with wide differences in survival rates, ranging from 10% for breast cancer to 34% for prostate cancer. Money appears to be an important factor: America spends a greater proportion of national income on health than the other countries."  Close.  Suttle World speculates that US survival rates are not a function of paying more money, rather the ability to pay more money for the appropriate care that tends to be one size fits all under utopian socialized health care systems.  Factor in the phenomenal amount of chronic self inflicted disease in the US, and the numbers are even that more impressive for a pseudo market driven US health care system that would only improve if it were allowed to become more market like.

July 21, 2008

...Padraig Harrington is a young man, but it was no doubt that pseudo "home-cooking" (perhaps the worst metaphor in Suttle World history---first, its a cliché, second the Irish don't exactly consider the UK as home, and third, any attempt to compare British "cuisine" to anything other than raw sewage  is bound to fail).  Evidently the rest of the field bought into the rumor that the R&A had changed the rules of golf to make sinking a putt on Sunday within five feet of the hole a two stroke penalty.  Paddy would have nothing of it, and successfully defended his Open Title, surviving 72 holes at Royal Birkdale in three over par.  Props to grandpa Norman, and thanks for the memories.  53 years old with incredible game, and hasn't lost a step off his Sunday Surrender Strategy that has served Mr. Everett so well over the duration of his remarkable career.  An Open for the ages and the aged.

...Yes, its becoming routine.  The Suttle World Senators sweep yet another doubleheader to take their eighth in a row and ninth of their last 10 outings.  The Pirates and 95º were the opponents Sunday in a rematch of last weekend's marathon; and it was with great dread that all participants foresaw another very long day at the office when the first game's standard six innings finished in a scoreless tie.  This was an astonishing state of affairs, given Grandpa Suttle pitched five shut out innings---surrendering the rock after giving up a lead off hit in the bottom of the sixth.  Cuzin Neil, who went the full 15 innings last week, came to the rescue, and got the win, keeping the shutout in tact, as the Senators score two in the top of the 7th, despite winning run scoring Grandpa Suttle going "beached whale" way up the third base line.  In the nightcap, cuzin Blaine pitched a shutout, collected all three Senator RBIs and sold popcorn between innings, as the Senators prevailed 3-0 to run their record to 13-7 on the year.  Cuzin Neil got the rock in the final frame to collect the first ever Suttle World Senator's save to post next to his W in game one.  The Pirates fall to a deceptive 0-21with one week left in the regular season.

..."(AJC) Horrified by his first $70 trip to the gas station, [Mike] Schatz drove to a bike shop last month, plunked down $2,500 on a new touring bicycle and began two-wheel commuting from his Grant Park home to his office in West Midtown.  The pluses included conservation and fitness as well as frugality — until the morning he went airborne above traffic on West Marietta Street. Hit by a car, he broke both elbows."  Suttle World knows of cycling and metro ATL, not because of any pedaling performed but due to bicycle traffic being particularly heavy on the roadways near stately Roberts/Suttle Manor---a state of affairs the result of a number of factors, including the constant flow of vehicles of all sort to simply drive by the Manor itself.  Memo to the rubber pants wearing, two wheeled folks:  here's the deal:  be it legal, moral, good, bad or indifferent, in most all conflicts involving bikes and cars, the car wins.  Generally speaking, the ATL is not a biker friendly place.  Its your mangled body on the roadside, righteous though it may be.  You make the call.

...Quick and rare note on SOTD, and today's remarkable artist, Dean Martin.  On April 6, 1964 Billboard listed the Beatles as having the top five singles on the charts with #1 "Can't Buy Me Love," #2 "Twist and Shout," #3 "She Loves You," #4 "I Want to Hold Your Hand" and #5 "Please Please Me."  Long story short, Dino astonishingly ended that run with SOTD, and upon learning the news, immediately wired his long time friend in Memphis:  "Elvis, If you can't take care of the Beatles, I'll do it for us.  Dino."  The hit only revved up Martin's already very successful perennial guest appearance TV role, and gave way to several very successful Dean Martin Specials.  They were so well received, NBC thought that it might make for a good series, and offered Martin a three year contract in 1965 for $34 MILLION!  That's roughly equal to $230 MILLION in current dollars.  Worked out pretty well, Martin would go on to host the highest rated show on all of television for over seven years.

July 20, 2008

...Defending Open Champion Padraig Harrington will tee it up in the next to last group of the final round today with the 137th shot at the Claret Jug at stake near Southport, England at Royal Birkdale.  Poorly crafted perhaps, but the previous sentence makes a fair degree of sense.  Its the final group Padraig's playing in front of, composed of up and coming Korean native KJ Choi and the leader after 54 holes, 53 year old Mr. Chris Everett, where things start to get fuzzy, much as if one were in the final scene of the last Newhart show.  30+ MPH prevailing winds are the other big story of the day, along with Norman standing atop the leaderboard.  It makes no sense to Suttle World.  It, no doubt, makes less sense to Norman.  Old folks, Choi or die is the Suttle World mantra for this the fifth and final High Holy Day of Sport on the 2008 calendar.

...So what's not to like on a High Holy Day?  A conflict created by agreeing to push back the Suttle World Senators doubleheader scheduled for yesterday in order to accommodate the jet setting schedule of Commissioner Jordan.  Alas, Wiffle Atlanta action will press forward today in conditions vaguely reminiscent of an Easy Bake Oven, as the Senators look to extend their 6 game winning streak while assisting their opponents, the Pirates, to keep their perfect 0-19 record in tact.  Following today's play, a single weekend remains in the 2008 regular season.  The post season will be played out over the course of August, with the Wiffle Atlanta World Series scheduled for the weekend of the 16th.

"(philly.com)  CHERRY HILL, N.J. - New Jersey Turnpike drivers have to deal with traffic jams, pollution and even the occasional deer.  But motorists driving north of Interchange 3 had a new obstacle on Saturday afternoon as thousands of honeybees swarmed around cars.  Turnpike Authority spokesman Joseph Orlando said the swarms were from a man-made beehive that apparently fell beside northbound lanes in Cherry Hill at about 2 p.m.  The Turnpike Authority was seeking out a beekeeper to deal with the problem."  Tough call:  swarmed by bees or view of Newark?

..."(AP) NEW YORK - Customers at big fast-food chains in New York City are finally facing the facts about their meal choices. And for some, the truth may be hard to swallow — like 1,130 calories for a Big Mac, medium fries and a medium soda."  Of course, Suttle World opposes mandates to post such info, but the de-facto wake up call can't be such a bad deal.  That's half a day's worth of calories with about as much nutritional value as found in the packaging in which the "food" was contained.

July 19, 2008

...Blustery conditions dominate play at this writing and are forecast to howl up to the  40 MPH range when the final group of KJ Choi and Greg Norman (the just waking gentle surfer may wish to re-read that pairing) are scheduled to tee it up as the last group on moving day at the 137th Open Championship.  It is your father's Open---brutal weather and a leaderboard sprinkled with enough interesting characters to make for one hell of a finish---one in which the newest holder of the Claret Jug may post a final score of five over.  For the record, Suttle World foresees chanting "Choi!' early and often over the final two rounds/winning.  Given its a big weekend, Suttle World will share with the gentle surfer a little tip it had passed along by the legendary Bobby Jones many years ago.  "Suttle World," Jones said, "embrace your hate for Sergio.  If you deny it, the tension will move into your swing, and that's always a bad idea.  To tell you the truth, I wouldn't mind bitch slapping the little Euro prick myself, but I'm dead."  Signed copies of the bestselling Suttle World's Little Red Book of Golf will be on sale in the lobby.

..."OKLAHOMA CITY (AP) - An American Airlines flight from Boston to Los Angeles was diverted to Oklahoma City on Friday after a passenger stripped nude and later tried to open an emergency exit door before being subdued by members of a professional soccer team and others, the FBI said.  Members of the New England Revolution of Major League Soccer were among those who grabbed the passenger near an exit door, FBI spokesman Gary Johnson said. Tie wraps were placed on the man, whose name was not immediately released. He was taken into custody in Oklahoma City and placed under psychiatric evaluation, Johnson said."  The final score on penalty kicks:  Revolution 1 Crazy Dude Nil.

...Inexplicably omitted from yesterday's update was an account of the significant law enforcement activity in the shadow of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.  Shortly after 9:00 Thursday morning, Suttle World was gazing over the north gardens from the living quarters of the Manor when it noticed a vehicle traveling in a westerly direction (towards the dead end/cul-de-sac) at a high rate of speed.  Suttle World also soon observed a DeKalb County Police cruiser pass by at a similar velocity.  Within three minutes a total of 10 (Suttle World counted---TEN) cop cars were at the end of the street, and soon a neighbor confirmed what had become obvious.  Evidently, two fine young citizens had seen fit to steal a van, and law enforcement was evidently most anxious to discuss the matter with the gentlemen who just happened to choose the wrong street onto which to divert in their efforts to avoid such a conversation.  A parked car is rear ended in a drive way.  The kids bail.  Dogs, helicopter and foot searches ensue.  Suttle World knows not the "rest of the story," in that the event did not warrant media attention, but it did make for a most unusual Thursday morning here at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor, where we put the "ass" in Classic Village.

..."(AP) SYDNEY, Australia - An elderly woman was attacked by a large kangaroo on a farm in Australia and was lucky to be alive after a pet dog leapt to her aid, her son said Saturday."  First props to Fido for rescuing grandma.  Second, where's You Tube when you really need it?  In response to the rare attack, Australian officials are considering a kangaroo buy back program to get more of the marsupials off the streets.

...Three weeks and counting before the Beijing Games begin.  Suttle World sees this as a fit time to set the record straight.  Any interest shown prior to this point, and here forward, by Suttle World surrounds witnessing the potential logistical and political catastrophes that a Chinese Olympics may bring.  The Games themselves have not changed whatsoever.  The Olympics is basically the world's biggest commercial, aired every four years, and a three week long, excruciatingly dull commercial at that.  The game of golf is over 650 years old, and not an Olympic event.  Suttle World speculates that competitive synchronized swimming has a shorter and somewhat less rich history (with all due respect to Esther Williams, and Esther, "Esser," Besser for that matter---a Suttle World acquaintance of over three decades ago).  Some find admiration and inspiration at the "dedication" of competitors in the lesser events.  Dedication is typically defined as hitting the gym/pool/rink well before sunrise 360 days a year for 12 of the athlete's 18 years on the planet for a chance to go for the gold.  Suttle World sees such "dedication" as a psychological disorder of compulsive behavior that culminates in one's life being validated (or invalidated) by 2 hundredths of a second in a single event lasting less than a minute.  Its sort of a half full, half "get these spiders off of me" difference in perspective.

July 18, 2008

...This could be really confusing for many gentle surfers, so Suttle World will try to explain.  What is being played out during the early hours of the day in the US from southwestern England is not the Wiederbaker Biscuit/Metamucil Open Championship for the Aged, instead its the real deal---the British Freakin Open, only the leaderboard has been replaced by a geezerboard---hence the confusion.  Suttle World is all for old folks taking charge, and looks forward to what will be a most entertaining weekend as the 137th Open Championship is played out over the next 72 hours.  Weather would seem to have doomed half the field.  The difficult conditions faced by those who got an early start Thursday are forecast to return later today---about the time they tee it up again, while today's early groups enjoyed much preferable surrounds yesterday afternoon, and had/are enjoying the similar circumstances this morning.  Ergo, Greg Norman will be among the last to tee it up Saturday---in the clubhouse at this writing with the lead at even par.

..."(Variety) Warner Bros.’ "The Dark Knight" is poised to enter the record books as it opens today -- and the weekend has a shot at being the best on record in overall grosses on the strength of the Batman sequel and Universal’s adaptation of stage musical "Mamma Mia!"...No one could have predicted that the third weekend in July would turn out be such a behemoth. The big question: Just how much can the market expand?"  A big question indeed, actually several questions immediately come to the mind of Suttle World.  First, Suttle World takes comfort in deducing from the bucks to be dropped at the box office this weekend that the rest of the US must be similarly bored to tears.  Second, Suttle World questions as to just how enormous box office receipts for the coming weekend would be if the nation were not in the midst of the current depression?  If only half the population weren't preoccupied with standing in bread lines or seeking cardboard boxes for shelter, what sort of record shattering take would be had?  Suttle World is courageously going out on yet another limb here, and speculate that the idle chit-chat that will dominate conversation among movie goers standing in line this weekend to fork over $8-12 for a Batman or Abba flick will be griping about the price of gasoline.  Phil Gramm (Suttle World belatedly apologizes for the uncorrected misspelling last week) may have been on to something, no?

...The beefy belt.  "(AP) ATLANTA - The South tips the scales again as the nation's fattest region, according to a new government survey.  More than 30 percent of adults in Mississippi, Alabama and Tennessee are considered obese. In part, experts blame Southern eating habits, poverty and demographic groups that have higher obesity rates."  Suttle World learns something new every day---previously being of the impression that blame lay in consuming more kilo-calories than expended/burned.

..."WASHINGTON (AP) — John McCain is facing an excitement deficit.  While overall interest in the presidential campaign has swelled since last fall, backers of Barack Obama are more fired up and express more loyalty to their candidate than McCain's do, a poll by The Associated Press and Yahoo News showed Friday. In addition, individual groups backing Obama — African-Americans, Democrats and liberals — are more enthusiastic than whites, Republicans and conservatives, who are more aligned with McCain, the GOP senator from Arizona."  Suttle World would hasten to add that there are countless "hospitals" across the fruited plane filled with folks who are much more excited than the non-institutionalized population.  Generally speaking, Zippy the Pinhead played more enthusiastic characters than did Humphrey Bogart.  The Hindenburg was fired up.  True, the American political landscape is littered with the lifeless campaigns of candidates that had the charisma of a dead flash light battery, but Uncle Ernie would not seem to have that difficulty.

...Sources close to Suttle World have leaked promotional material that confirms the venues of four shows, October 1-4, for The Dictators in Spain later this year.  Expect publication of the spiffy art work soon.

July 17, 2008

...ATLANTA (AP) - The Atlanta Journal-Constitution is cutting its staff by nearly 200 jobs, or about 8 percent of its work force, and eliminating some targeted news sections.  In a news release Wednesday, Publisher John Mellott said the moves are aimed at cutting expenses amid dwindling advertising revenues and steadily increasing fuel and newsprint costs. Mellott said the job cuts will be mainly in the news and advertising departments between August and October through voluntary buyouts and layoffs."  When asked for comment, Dirk Bremen, one of the metro area's remaining 85 subscribers to the nation's worst major daily "newspaper," drooled, mumbled, "Hagar," and began performing an act illegal in 21 states and the District of Columbia.  The job loss is no doubt a bite in the bag for the individuals involved, but the publication cannot possibly suffer for the cutbacks.  Where's Celestine Sibley when you really need her?

...No doubt the gentle surfer has experienced the personal pain or at least commiserated with its fellow citizens who are really feeling the pinch of $4+/gallon gas.  Yes, the truck driver, pizza delivery guy and other vehicle dependent occupations are obvious targets for sympathy.  Brought to Suttle World's attention in the past week is another group of folks getting squeezed---those who work for tips:  bartenders, waitrons, strippers, et al.  Seems as though all the spare change goes in the gas tank now, and not on/in the table or garter.  The gentle surfer is advised to to be governed accordingly.

...Suttle World is now convinced that the current summer doldrums of which it incessantly whines are a Tri Lateral Commission conspiracy.  With two political conventions and the Beijing games coming up in August this year, the typically very slow month has been moved up to now in order to accommodate the coming attractions.

...The British Open is underway, and Royal Birkdale is proving to be a royal pain for the early groups.  No, it won't be the same with Tiger at home, but its still the Open, and the prelude has begun for the fifth and final High Holy Days of Sport that will come this Sunday morning.  Leaderboard.

..."BOSTON (WBZ) ― You can almost touch the planes as they roar over Point Shirley in Winthrop on their way to Logan Airport. The passengers were checked for explosives before they got on, however, a growing concern is what could happen away from the airport: Terrorist firing a shoulder launched-missile just outside the airport's property. The light weight weapons are becoming and more available on the black market, as many as 150,000 are believed to be in circulation and can easily bring down a plane.  But now American Airlines is flying with new defensive technology on some of its New York to Los Angeles flights.  Developed in New Hampshire by defense contractor, BAE Systems, the cross country passenger jets are now equipped with a laser deterrent system mounted on the plane's belly. It can identify and misdirect an incoming missile. It's being tested for Homeland Security."  Suttle World is no aviation whiz, nor even a frequent flyer, but it would seem that American might want to hone its non-flight canceling, on time arrival and accurate baggage handling technologies before embarking on a project to shoot down shoulder fired missiles while in mid-flight.  "Passengers, this is Capt. Stewart up here on the flight deck.  We have information regarding an incoming missile of some sort that is tracking towards the aircraft.  We have the ability to shoot it down, and will happily do so for a convenience fee of $250..."

..."(AP)  ST. LOUIS - Debbie Halcomb unpacked boxes as she moved back into her flood-damaged home, but worried that her damp carpet harbors mold. She enjoys the normally tranquil setting of Winfield, a community about three miles from the Mississippi River. But she's had enough. She's hoping for a government buyout so she can move to higher ground."  Buyout over Suttle World's cold clammy white ass!  Stop subsidizing Debbie's flood insurance that allows her to continue to reside in a place where God did not intend humans to live.  Just because it worked out well for the Egyptians a few thousand years ago doesn't make living in a flood plane in Missouri in 2008 a good idea.

July 16, 2008

...The early rising gentle surfer probably doesn't care, but the American League scored the winning run with a sacrifice fly in the bottom of the 15th inning to win last night's and this morning's All Star Game that ended at 1:37 (EDT).

..."(Larry Kudlow---[Suttle World likes Kudlow]) In a dramatic move yesterday President Bush removed the executive-branch moratorium on offshore drilling. Today [Tuesday], at a news conference, Bush repeated his new position, and slammed the Democratic Congress for not removing the congressional moratorium on the Outer Continental Shelf and elsewhere. Crude-oil futures for August delivery plunged $9.26, or 6.3 percent, almost immediately as Bush was speaking, bringing the barrel price down to $136."  This is fascinating.  The president calls for expanded supplies of oil, and the commodity takes a dramatic dip.  Its almost as if supply and demand set prices.  Very strange.

..."(AP) WASHINGTON - Use of radioactive materials has been suspended and worker training is being reassessed following a plutonium spill at the Boulder, Colo., laboratory of the National Institute of Standards and Technology, the agency's deputy director told a congressional subcommittee Tuesday."  Homer Simpson was not immediately available for comment.

...Once again coming to the rescue of the summer doldrums in which Suttle World now dwells comes a stellar installment from cuzin Matt in the form of yet another edition of Bruner's Texas Takes.

July 15, 2008

...Dark days indeed.  Now the gentle surfer must que up twice---first, standing in line during a run on the local bank to withdraw all deposits, and then get in the second line to by the new iPhone.  The end is near.  Stand in line a third time, and pick up a case of Bud-Euro for relief.

...Billy Packer, gone after 26 years of dutiful television coverage of the NCAA Final Four, and nobody will miss his bitter presence.

...Do video games imitate "art," or... "(AP) RIDE THE LIGHTNING: Activision's  "Guitar Hero World Tour" is one of this year's most eagerly anticipated games, but the company has big news for fans who can't wait for that: Metallica will be releasing its next album, "Death Magnetic," as a "Guitar Hero III" download on the same day that the CD arrives in stores.  The end is nearer.

..."(AP) WASHINGTON - High gas prices could turn out to be a lifesaver for some drivers. The authors of a new study say gas prices are causing driving declines that could result in a third fewer auto deaths annually, with the most dramatic drop likely to be among teen drivers."  Suttle World is of the opinion that the job of study author is pretty good work if one can get it.

...Little piece of trivia for the greenies on this lovely Tuesday July morning.  Of all oil spilled into oceans worldwide over the past 50 years, only 1% has been from off-shore drilling.  About two-thirds is natural seepage from the ocean floor that has been diminished by off-shore drilling.  Yet another inconvenient truth that really is true.

July 13, 2008

...It was a Wiffle Ball game for the ages.  It was not a Wiffle Ball game for the aged.  Solid stick built the Suttle World Senators a comfortable 5-0 lead after the first two frames of game one yesterday, and cuzin Neil was zipping along, pitching another gem until Grandpa Suttle began kicking the ball around.  Add a couple of timely Pirate hits, and the Bucs had knotted the contest a 5-5, and so our heroes headed for extra innings.  Scoring was then suspended for the next 8 innings as all relished in the direct sunlight of a very humid 90° Saturday afternoon.  The Pirates finally broke through in the top of the 14th with a run, only for Grandpa Suttle to go Rick Camp and tie the contest in the bottom of the 14th with a ground out RBI after the Senators had amassed a couple base runners.  On to the moment of glory, as Grandpa Suttle leads off the bottom of the 15th with a walk-off, 100 foot line drive that just cleared the 10 foot fence while curling inside the pole, and leaving the field of play.  Senators 6 Pirates 5 - 15---the longest contest in the four year history of Wiffle Atlanta.  Amazingly, the ball clubs carried on with the night cap that went the traditionally dull 6 innings.  Cuzin Blaine pitched another gem, and contributed his third homer of the year in a 6-0 Senators win.  The Pirates were noble opponents, and yesterday's hijinks are indicative of the team being much better than their startling 0-19 record would lead the gentle surfer to believe.  Meanwhile, the Senators have now won six straight, and eight of their last 10.  The nature of the standings being what they are, the final two weeks of the regular season will be mere exhibition play for the Senators as they prepare for a first round playoff matchup against the Swamp Donkeys---now a mathematical certainty.

..."(Rasmussen Reports)  The race for the White House is tied. The Rasmussen Reports daily Presidential Tracking Poll for Saturday shows Barack Obama and John McCain each attract 43% of the vote. When "leaners" are included, Obama holds a statistically insignificant 47% to 46% advantage. Today is the first time that McCain’s support has moved above 45% since Obama clinched the nomination on June 3. It’s also the first time the candidates have been tied since Obama clinched the Democratic nomination (see recent daily results)."  For the chart watchers this is yet another reason why Suttle World is confident Uncle Ernie will triumph in November.  Benson should have a double digit lead grow to over 15 points after the Denver convention.  Michael Dukakis had a double digit lead after the convention for God's sake!

..."(Mail Online)  Margaret Thatcher is to be given the ultimate accolade of a State funeral when she reaches the end of her days – the first British Prime Minister since Winston Churchill to be afforded such an honor.  Although Lady Thatcher is currently in good health – she was with the Queen at Buckingham Palace on Tuesday – The Mail on Sunday has learned that plans are under way for her funeral, when the time eventually comes, to take place at St Paul’s Cathedral."  It strikes Suttle World that the planned send off is more than appropriate, but that making an announcement of same is strange.  Its not that Lady Thatcher really cares, as any gentle surfer who witnessed last weekends' Weekend At Bernie's appearance at Wimbledon, but given she truly is a Churchilian figure, perhaps a bit more discretion is called for here.

...A sad AMF to Bobby Mercer.  The Yankee center fielder that replaced Mantle cum long time broadcaster died yesterday of complications from a brain malignancy.  He was 64.

...At first Suttle World was a bit alarmed by the pic to the right, but after carefully reading the caption and learning that the animal is a crocodile and not the back half of a most contented Great Dane, it feels much better.

..."(AP) ANCHORAGE, Alaska - A volcano erupted Saturday with little warning on a remote island in Alaska, sending residents of a nearby ranch fleeing from falling ash and volcanic rock."  A US Ninth District Court Judge issued an emergency injunction against the volcano last night at the behest of the EPA and other environmental groups---ordering all Vulcan activity to immediately cease and desist.  Attorneys for the volcano were not immediately available for comment.

July 12, 2008

...Announced by Fox News but an hour ago, the late rising gentle surfer, if still unaware, is sadly advised of the death of Tony Snow.  Snow carried out his duties with courage and valor in the news biz and in the White House in a cheerful manner with a full awareness that the numbers were very much against him in his battle with cancer over the past several years.  Snow was 53, and is survived by his wife, Jill Ellen Walker, whom he married in 1987, and three children.

...Wiffle Atlanta returns to full time action today, following a partial schedule over the past holiday weekend that saw the Suttle World Senators and several other clubs taking a pass.  The layoff also saw some carnage in the league itself with two teams falling by the wayside.  Still, eight fully committed (or at least statutorily eligible) teams press forward with the 2008 campaign that has but three weeks/6 games/3 doubleheaders remaining in the regular season.  This afternoon, the Senators (9-7), victors in 6 of their last 8, including their last four straight, take on the still winless Pirates (two less than the Atlanta Dream) in DeKalb Division play.  First pitch of the twin bill is set for 1:00 at Glenlake Park in Decatur.  Rumors of a third make up game today remain just that until a poll of the ancient and afflicted can be taken.  The ATL weather dial has been stuck on "Sauna" for nearly a week---fortunate for the fans who can enjoy today's promotion that was pushed back from the previously scheduled holiday weekend.  Yes, its "Damn, its hot" day for Wiffle Atlanta.  The first 1,500 paid admissions will receive a free auto spritz.

...Suttle World was all over the most improbable blockbuster ATL sports rumor of all time back in February, and now Brett Favre has asked for his release from the Packers.  Art writes a big check, Favre gets the chance to redeem his evil slovenly, drunken ways that got him run off from the franchise in the first place, and leads the hapless Falcons to a 7-9 season.  Do it, and statuary will be erected, and prominent streets renamed in Brett's honor.

..."(AP) HOUSTON - Dr. Michael DeBakey, the world-famous cardiovascular surgeon who pioneered such now-common procedures as bypass surgery and invented a host of devices to help heart patients, has died. He was 99.  While still in medical school in 1932, he invented the roller pump, which became the major component of the heart-lung machine, beginning the era of open-heart surgery. The machine takes over the function of the heart and lungs during surgery.  It was only a start of a lifetime of innovation. The surgical procedures that DeBakey developed once were the wonders of the medical world. Today, they are commonplace procedures in most hospitals.  He also was a pioneer in the effort to develop artificial hearts and heart pumps to assist patients waiting for transplants, and helped create more than 70 surgical instruments."  Nice run.

July 11, 2008

..."(Reuters) The head of the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries warned Thursday that oil prices would see an "unlimited" increase in the case of a military conflict involving Iran, because the group's members would be unable to make up the lost production."  Like it or not the statement is true.  Memo to OPEC leaders and the dozen weird beards that (de-facto) run Iran:  Suttle World would like to extend its warmest invitation to an oil summit this weekend at the retreat that is stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.  The questions and concerns of all can be addressed, and refreshments will be served---ham sandwiches and grape Kool-Aid.

..."(AP) CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. (AP) - Two space station astronauts took a daring spacewalk Thursday to cut into the insulation of their descent capsule and remove an explosive bolt with firecracker force—enough to blow off their hands.  Flight controllers in Moscow assured Sergei Volkov and Oleg Kononenko, both Russians, that the bolt would not detonate and that the unprecedented job would help ensure their safe return to Earth in the Soyuz capsule this fall.  "You should not be concerned at all," Mission Control radioed."  Major Tom was not immediately available for comment.

..."NEW YORK (AP) -- A Citi Investment Research analyst said Thursday that radio stocks will fall as advertising revenue continues to decline and lending and credit pressures increase."  The ever daring Suttle World is once again going out on the thin limb of speculation.  Is it possible that ad revenue for radio has declined because audiences are smaller?  Is it possible that listenership is smaller because 98.5% of broadcast radio programming cannot suck enough?  Suttle World decides.  The gentle surfer acts accordingly (dangling participle and all---not a big deal in July with proper sunscreen).

...No, Suttle World is not oblivious to the recent "faux pas" committed by the Jesse Jackson and Phil Graham.  Graham was right, and Jackson is irrelevant.  Enough said?

..."BERLIN (Reuters) - Firefighters called to a blaze at an apartment building in a southern German town were astonished to discover a fully equipped extremely drunk imposter in their ranks, police said on Thursday.  On hearing the alarm, the 38-year-old man had rushed to the fire station, was helped into protective clothing and helmet by unsuspecting firefighters and boarded the fire engine, a spokesman for Suedhessen police said."  The moral of the story:  when in Berlin, don't play with matches.

July 10, 2008

..."(Herald Sun (AU)) Psychiatrists have detected the first case of "climate change delusion."  Writing in the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry, Joshua Wolf and Robert Salo of our Royal Children's Hospital say this delusion was a "previously unreported phenomenon."  Two thoughts from Suttle World.  First, note that the operative word in the affliction is delusion.  Second, Suttle World recommends this new psychological disorder be renamed Al Gore Disease---a fitting legacy for the human pathogen from Tennessee.

...Suttle World extends its congratulations to the nation of Iran for successfully test firing long range missiles in the Persian Gulf.  Now time for the hard part:  try catching these long range missiles launched from various US boats and aircraft in tandem with Israel.  Suttle World speculates that a 72 hour carpet bombing spree over Persia would somewhat retard Iran's more offensive military endeavors.

...The gentle surfer should be grateful indeed for "celebrities" who keep taking things of its to do list.  "SYDNEY (AFP) - Former "Baywatch" star and pin-up queen Pamela Anderson staged an animal rights protest at a KFC outlet in Australia Thursday, despite the fast foot chain partially bankrolling her trip Down Under."  Suttle World is also appreciative, being preoccupied today attending a rally with Cesar Chavez to support a boycott of iceberg lettuce.

..."(AP) CHICAGO - Bullying doctors can make nurses afraid to question their performance, resulting in medical errors, according to a hospital group that announced new requirements for cracking down on intimidating behavior.  Outbursts and condescending language threaten patient safety and increase the cost of care, according to a safety alert issued Wednesday by the Joint Commission, an independent organization that accredits most of the nation's hospitals."  No doubt a problem, Suttle World has found through its extensive experience in the health care system that a quick cheap fix is available.  A simple, well articulated declaration of "fuck you" directed towards a misbehaving MD can silence the practitioner and send him or her into a stupor that is a wonder to behold.  The gentle surfer not inclined to be so bold could take an alternative route and discuss with the good doctor what effect a few well placed complaints can have on an individual's malpractice premiums.  Much like Colt 45 Malt Liquor, it works every time.

July 9, 2008

..."WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A leading U.S. Senate Democrat accused the Bush administration on Tuesday of a "cover-up" aimed at stopping the Environmental Protection Agency from tackling greenhouse emissions.  "This cover-up is being directed from the White House and the office of the vice president," said Sen. Barbara Boxer, the California Democrat who chairs the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee."  Suttle World sincerely hopes that the gentle surfer still operating under the false assumptions created by the junk science of "climate change" will now re-visit their positions after re-confirming that perhaps the least intelligent person ever seated in the United States Senate is in the same camp.

...The lazy, hazy days of summer provide the opportunity to casually revisit items of note that went unmentioned during the recent Suttle World hiatus.  In fact, Suttle World was in the Tarheel State when news of the death of Jessie Helms filtered through last Friday night.  There was no hysteria, nor women and children openly weeping in public.  Helms had battled numerous serious health issues for years before his retirement in 2003.  Helms was 86, _______________.  Que Gene Rayburn, and he'll assist the gentle surfer filling in the blank portion of the previous compound sentence.  Suttle World estimates the blank to be filled in with a litany of adjectives that run the gamut from savior to world class ass hole, with very few trending towards the middle.  What the blank will not contain is unknown, mysterious, uncertain or waffling.  Agree or not, the gentle surfer was never in doubt as to exactly where Senator Helms stood on any given issue---a state of affairs Suttle World finds infinitely preferable to the poll driven maggotry that constitutes so much of the current American body politic.

...The gentle surfer hating life while shlepping to the daily grind on hump day would probably be aggravated by the notion of the occupational demands of a Swedish TV babe.  Alas, all can have a bad day at the office.

July 8, 2008

...Suttle World returns from an extended Independence Day hiatus just in time for a most auspicious event.  The Council of the Ancients has long since decided that, much like the universe itself, because no exact records as to its inception, July 8 has been declared to be the date of Suttle World's genesis.  Consequently, Suttle World celebrates five years of tireless publication---believing the site first took to the web on or about July 8, 2003.

..."(AP) RUSUTSU, Japan - The Group of Eight leading industrial nations on Tuesday endorsed halving world emissions of greenhouse gasses by 2050, edging forward in the battle against global warming but stopping short of tough, nearer-term targets.  Leaving the junk science of greenhouse gasses aside, Suttle World is all for the US reducing emissions if it involves a commitment to generate 100% of its electrical energy from existing hydroelectric dams and building a fecal load of nuclear power plants.

...Assisting in the kick off of year six for Suttle World, is regular correspondent cuzin Matt, and another one of his stellar installments of Bruner's Texas Takes

July 4, 2008

...On a mid June day 232 years ago, one of the items of business on the agenda for the Continental Congress was to appoint a committee to draft a document for the approval of the committee as a whole.  Nominated and appointed to the task were Franklin, Adams and Jefferson.  Legend has it that upon their first meeting on the affair, Franklin immediately recused himself from the project, declaring he would write nothing that would be subject to the editing of another.  Adams and Jefferson had yet to "bond," but Adams recognized himself as the less eloquent and well liked of the two, so the job was left the job to Tom.  Over the course of the next several days, Jefferson would capture the entirety of the Enlightenment in less than 2000 words (that included a lengthy bill of now seemingly tedious particulars regarding the specifics at hand).  The document, ratified on July 2, of course, is the gosh darn Declaration of Independence.  Pretty good work by Jefferson---almost as cool as being an American Idol finalist or scoring a touchdown to win the big game.  "Our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor" is all fine and good, but there's also the Three's Company marathon on Nickelodeon.  Suttle World asks little of the gentle surfer over the course of any given year, and July 4th is a rare exception.  Read the damn Declaration!  The republic may be way off track, but Tom's work affirms that the unthinkable is achievable when it comes to the truth, justice and (right thinking/leave me the hell alone) American way aisle.  At ease.

...By this writing, a very fast Kenyan in his underwear will have won the 39th running of the Peachtree Road Race---followed not so quickly behind by 50,000 of his warm, close, sticky friends in a cattle drive that would make Ben Cartwright proud.  The event is one of many colossal affairs that simply escapes Suttle World, but may God bless the gentle surfer that gets it---and their t-shirt. 

...Approximately 49,950 fewer folks showed up at Vinocity in the oh so gentrified East Lake/Kirkwood neighborhood last night to hear a rare musical performance by Atlanta legend Darryl Rhoades.  Very capably assisted by long time collaborator Tommy Strain, Rhoades demonstrated a remarkably strong voice, and aided with the now common self harmonizing technology performed the classic Road Food along with a number of other tunes on which he's been diligently working over the past decade.  His ninth CD/LP is due out this fall, with the "day job" continuing to be non-stop, coast-to-coast, stand-up.  The joint was really very attractive, and a though the menu was not sampled, Suttle World can imagine the place to be above average spot---away from the bustle and parking hassles of downtown Decatur.  Rhoades performs his stand-up Saturday night in a rare Atlanta appearance at the new Lovelight Club in Tucker (click his site for more details).

...Suttle World is outta heya!  Stately Roberts/Suttle Manor has been fortified (as in paramilitarily, not alcoholically), as the elder adult denizens embark on the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite headquarters for a much deserved long holiday weekend.  All reading these words are instructed that under no circumstances are they to put their vehicle on a roadway between the above two points at any time this morning, and to take the keys from those who intend to do so.  In a radical departure with the past, Suttle World may well call it quits for a few days in the publication department.  It will be prepared for remote updates, if necessary, but may well be signing off until Monday.  Liberty, health and prosperity to all---and a Dictators gig on the front or back end of the Spain foray in October too please.  "Mr. Manitoba, this is most unusual.  Please explain to this New York Court why it should issue a restraining order against a common goy in Georgia...."

July 3, 2008

...What's rescuing an entire spectrum of a broadcast medium worth?  Evidently, about $50 million a year.  Drudge reports this morning that Clear Channel  will ink a new contract with Rush Limbaugh.  The deal with the the bombastic savior of AM radio runs through 2016, and is said to be worth $400 million---a fraction of the icon's economic impact upon the radio biz over the past  20 years.  Though not  a regular listener, Suttle World admires Limbaugh greatly, but would hasten to add that his great contribution was to demonstrate that good syndicated talk radio made for viable AM dayparts.  Ergo, his meteoric success is not so much due to tapping into a great conservative majority in the heartland (though there is a definite element of same), but the fact that paying minimum wage to push buttons for commercial breaks is cheaper than local "air talent" ($8/hour) to draw a crowd.  In an awkward segue, Suttle World finds it odd that the other side of the dial has failed to respond to AMs comeback.  Once again having to compete with the other band, and a host of other entertainment choices, one would expect FM to bring innovation and creativity to the table.  Instead, FM, almost entirely without exception (and, yes, that includes you NPR crowd and your All Things Considered Boring and quaint programming like the Smokey Mountain Blind Midget Bluegrass Hour on Saturday afternoons) continues to swirl the bowl in a now two decade long suckfest.  Alas, satellite radio and mass digital music storage devices (Suttle World attempts to refrain from the use of the term iPod---one that is still unrecognized by Bill Gates' dictionary), the gentle surfer is not held hostage to the FM dial.  Suttle World owns over a dozen radios, and has only recently discovered that the FM dial works on some because a local drop (106.7---small media group owned with some pretty decent "oldies" programming) has picked up Imus in the Morning.

..."WASHINGTON (AP) — They're the most fickle voters, and potentially the most powerful. Thus, with party nominations secure, John McCain and Barack Obama now are pushing toward the center to win them over.  Meet "the mushy middle," a complex chunk of people likely to decide the presidential election but difficult to reach and very hard to please."  Please indeed, as in please spare Suttle World such dribble as it translates the above media speak.  First, the name  isn't really catchy and may not stick, but get ready to hear countless talk about this nebulous group of voters.  In 2000 they were called soccer moms.  In 2008, they are called bitter, divorced, menopausal women.  They're mad as hell by being denied the birthright of a Satan nomination this time around, and many, with very pursed lips, will vote for Uncle Ernie come November.  Other groups have their own particular gripes---not with Benson per se, but because their own political entitlements haven't been met for the past decade.  Meanwhile, no attention is paid to the incredible gains Democrats will make in the House where Charlie Rangel in the Chairman of the Ways and Means Committee!  First time around, Charlie's chairmanship was scary in a cute sort of way---much like a rollercoaster on which one is reasonably sure one will not be decapitated.  With a big majority behind him, Rangel's scary transitions to that of Hindenburg passenger.

...Whatever happened to WhirlyBall?  Suttle World seems to recall that endeavor was cuzin Bill's baby.

...Suttle World took the occasion of being in the hood this week to revisit a blast from the past:  the Jim Hearn Golf Center on Buford Highway.  Given its always been located in one of the planet's largest ditches, its difficult for Suttle World to say the joint has gone downhill, but the place isn't exactly the bustling family fun entertainment center that was the case in 1975.  The property is on the market.  Dearly departed Jim's Yankee cards and clippings are still on the wall, and $5 bought a small bucket of balls and large bucket of recollections and actualizations in a setting that seemed more at home outside Hahira instead of a mere ten miles from the center of the 7th largest city in the country.

...First, Starbucks closes 600 stores, and now this: "(AP) SEATTLE - Clay Bennett finally found a dollar amount that would sever his contentious relationship with the city of Seattle — $75 million.  As a result, the Supersonics are headed to Oklahoma City with Bennett leading the way, leaving behind the team name, colors and 41 years of history."  Sucks for Seattle, but this is a huge relief for everyone else in the NBA simply because of geography.  The Sonics, or any other Seattle franchise is hundreds of miles away from the nearest and thousands of miles from the farthest opponents in their own leagues.  Travel to and from is an  incredible pain in the ass for players who travel for a living.  Suttle World has longed maintained that playing with Mariners is what cost Junior a hundred homers---all the travel.  Works for football, but not the other major team sports.

...Finally, local legend Darryl Rhoades will be making a couple of appearances in the ATL over the holiday weekend.  Tonight he teams up with fellow picker/songwriters Tommy Strain and Bill Turpin at a regularly scheduled such affair held Thursday evenings at Vinocity Kirkwood.  Details of the casual performance are unknown as of this writing.  Saturday, Darryl returns to his spot behind the standup mic with a performance at Tucker's newest and Suttle World unexplored venue---The Lovelight Club---adjacent to the notorious Last Watering Hole.

July 2, 2008

..."Science Daily  — We're number 16 ... in world happiness. Feel the joy. The United States ranks ahead of more than 80 countries, but below 15 others in happiness levels, according to new World Values Survey data released in the July issue of the journal Perspectives on Psychological Science.  The World Values Survey (WVS) is the work of a global network of social scientists who perform periodic surveys addressing a number of issues. The latest surveys, taken in the United States and in several developing countries, showed increased happiness from 1981 to 2007 in 45 of 52 countries for which substantial time series data was available."  That's the good news.  The bad news is all the increased happiness has led to a a spate of more giggles, guffaws and shouts of glee that have resulted in a precipitous increase in carbon dioxide---a greenhouse gas that leads to global warming that will kill all off  all human life in the next 6-8 months.  The study's authors speculate that mass carnage around the world may well diminish the happiness factor, unless the weenie greenies are the first to be offed.

..."RENO, Nev. (AP) - Former Vice President Dan Quayle said Tuesday he respects Democrat Barack Obama "because he beat the Clintons" and fears Republican John McCain has an "uphill battle" to defeat Obama in November's presidential election."  The gentle surfer is urged to print this page and clip this paragraph to add to its burgeoning scrapbook filled with the whit and wisdom of Dan Quayle---an edition proudly displayed in stately Roberts/Suttle Manor right next to an equally impressive volume:  Jews With Whom I've Been Hunting.

..."WASHINGTON (AP) - Retired Gen. Wesley Clark rejected suggestions he apologize Tuesday for saying John McCain's medal-winning military service does not qualify him for the White House. Elaborating, Clark said a president must have judgment, not merely courage and character."  Suttle World does not necessarily disagree with the general's statement, but hastens to point out that a provision of the McCain/Feingold Act prohibits imbeciles such as Clark from making such political statements within 250 days of a general election.

..."(AP) SEATTLE -- For a decade it appeared there was no such thing as too many Starbucks for U.S. coffee drinkers, whose willingness to buy its $4 lattes and dark drip brews rationalized a second green-and-white mermaid awning just down the street - and sometimes even a third. But in a sign that those days are over, Starbucks Corp. announced Tuesday it will close 600 company-operated stores in the next year as the faltering U.S. economy hastened the pain caused by the company's own rapid expansion."  Foam futures market are in a free fall following the announcement yesterday afternoon.

...The expansion WNBA Atlanta Nightmare remain 0 for eternity, with their sixteenth consecutive loss last night to Phoenix. 

July 1, 2008

...Suttle World welcomes the arrival of the third quarter of 2008---a three month period that promises some memorable events, just not today.  Unless the gentle surfer is stomping out a wild fire in California, mopping up flood waters in the mid west or cleaning the carnage from the trading floors on Wall Street, its a might quiet out there Slim, too quiet.  Updates on events worldwide and locally as they happen.

SUTTLEWORLD 
               
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