Archives---August, 2007

August 31, 2007

...The long national nightmare that is August is finally drawing to a close, and Father Time, in his infinite wisdom, has seen fit that the gentle surfer be rewarded with the long Labor Day weekend this year immediately after the completion of the longest month.  Jerry Lewis is warming up, and so is Suttle World as the commemoration of the unofficial end of summer is almost underway.

...This just in:  Princess Diana is still dead, and expected to remain deceased until further notice.

...Memo to Senator Craig:  and now we say goodbye.  Thanks for playing.  We've got some lovely parting gifts including the HOME version of our game, Stall Busters.  Suttle World believes the over/under on the Idaho Republican's career to be 1:00 (EDT) this afternoon; and while "hindsight" is 20/20, wouldn't it have been easier to get your colleague Barney Frank to rummage through the basement of his Georgetown townhouse?  Suttle World is confident he could've hooked you up.

...Major props to the Oxy Acne Wash folks (a division of the old school Mentholatum Brands) for the Earnest Angley impersonating, zit healing, midget spot (and the even better extended party mix version here). More proof positive that television advertising is the great American art form.  Their web site is most impressive as well.  In fact, it may well be the most creative site Suttle World has visited in quite some time.

August 30, 2007


NEW YORK, Aug. 29 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ -- It is with deep sadness
and regret that we inform you of the death of Hilly Kristal, who died on
Tuesday, August 28, 2007 from complications from Lung Cancer. Kristal, 75,
founded the legendary rock club CBGB and ran the club for 33 years. A
singer and songwriter himself, Kristal opened the club to showcase "Country
Bluegrass and Blues"; instead the club became a breeding ground for Punk
rock. Among the many acts that called CBGB home were Blondie, the Talking
Heads, Television, Living Color, Patti Smith and the Ramones. The club
closed in October 2006, but CBGB continues, with a retail store in New York
City and worldwide merchandise sales; in addition, there currently are
plans to open new CBGB clubs in several locations.
    Kristal is survived by his daughter, Lisa Kristal Burgman, son, Mark
Dana Kristal, son-in-law Ger Burgman, grandchildren Jenny and Adam Burgman,
CBGB, and the thousands of artists and musicians who played the club.
    A private memorial service is planned. A public memorial will be held
at a later date. Contributions in Hilly's honor may be made in his name to
the American Cancer Society or to the Hilly Kristal Foundation for
Musicians and Artists (168 Second Avenue, PMB 207, New York, NY 10003).
SOURCE CBGB

August 29, 2007

...A woman truly after Suttle World's own heart (or what's left of it) comes in the form of a story from across the pond courtesy of our friends at the Daily Mail who report of Winnie Langley who yesterday celebrated her 100th birthday by lighting up her 170,000th cigarette from a candle on her birthday cake.  Winnie says she started at the age of 7, just before World War I broke out, and hasn't really thought about quitting since.  Suttle World would also note that when Winnie goes to her reward,  she will, no doubt, be among the hundreds of thousands of smoking related deaths counted each year.  Suttle World will make no attempt to defend smoking.  Its a dirty, disgusting habit that does, in fact, lead to numerous health complications.  That being said, the hype surrounding smoking that has increased with ferocious intensity over the past 20 years is so overblown as to be laughable.  A much more cogent treatise on the subject comes from another Brit---non other than musical and all around genius Joe Jackson (PDF).  Good old Joe has caught heap big doo-doo for even suggesting that the dangers associated with cigarettes are overblown, and then proceeds to give a much needed big time beat down on the bullshit "science" regarding second hand smoke.  Well worth the read for those who dare to examine the reality of the subject.

...In stark contrast the gentle surfer is asked to consider:  "SEVILLE, Spain (AP) - Sevilla midfielder Antonio Puerta died Tuesday, three days after collapsing on the field during his team's Spanish league game against Getafe.  The sad news of the death of the 22 year old is just another example of how soccer kills.  Suttle World fully expects the Surgeon General to begin requiring warning labels on balls soon.  "DANGER, YOUNG WILL ROBINSON:  Soccer has been associated with incredible boredom that can lead to brain dysfunction and death."

...Would Larry Rich please pick up the white courtesy phone?

...A quick look at the latest lines for what will be the opening weekend for college football reveals an abundance of opportunities to make a lot of bucks at the betting window.  Yes, college football, a sport about which Suttle World often counsels against wagering, because the gentle surfer's money is riding on 19 year olds.  Nonetheless, there's a lot of cash for the taking.  Suttle World will withhold the incredible insight until later this week so as to not influence the betting lines.

...The incredible sucking sound heard by the gentle surfer is not from the vacuum between Ross Perot's Dumbo like ears, but, instead, the Braves clubhouse, who dropped another game to the Marlins last night.  "My future's bleak/Aint it neat?"

...All three teengenerates (including nephew Ridge) are accounted for following their foray the Lakewood Fairgrounds, errrrr the Hi-Fi Buys Lakewood Amphitheater, to catch the "really big show" put on by Incubus last night.  Each reported it to be a fine performance that they accomplished on the cheap by purchasing the $30 lawn seats, plus $15 a head for the privilege of buying their ducats from Ticketschyster, plus $6 each to MARTA for transportation.  Taking of its shoes, Suttle World calculates that each spent over $50 just to get in the concert, or roughly the equivalent of 3 Dictators gigs plus subway fare on a system that actually goes where the gentle surfer wishes to go.  Speaking of The Dictators, the lovely webmistress, Ms. Karen, has posted this ad from the archives of cuzin Sal for an August 1977 Dics show at the Palladium with special guests The Michael Stanley Band for the handsome sum of $3.50.  Oh yeah, the gentle surfer might notice that the show also featured the introduction of a little band from down under by the name of AC/DC.  Still no word as to when the Bob Marley show will be rescheduled.

August 28, 2007

...44 years ago today, 200,000 people peacefully assembled on the Mall in Washington to demand that the federal government live up to its duty mandated by the 14th Amendment to the Constitution of the United States to afford equal protection under the law to all its citizens.  Its still a work in progress, but one in which some progress has been made.

August 27, 2007

...And for the second consecutive year your Little League World Champions hail from the state of Georgia.  12 year old Dalton Carriker slapped a fast ball over the right field wall to give the kids from Warner Robbins a walk off eighth inning win over Japan yesterday in Williamsport.  No need to thank Suttle World for making Howard J. Lamade Stadium in Williamsport the August pic of the month---just doing my job.

...A full week until the long Labor Day weekend, but the gentle surfer may wish to make reservations in advance for the 2007 Pinland Lanes Women's National Duckpin Association (WNDA) tournament in Dundalk, MD this Saturday and Sunday.  Although a good time will certainly be had by all, its something of a moot point with Amy Bisson having won three of four tournaments so far this season, and running away with the WNDA point total in the next to last event of the 2007 tour.  Bisson is rolling out Hall of Fame numbers, and can now only dream of being inducted with the likes of giants such as Minerva "Min" Weisenborn of Baltimore.

...Through the looking glass this week, Suttle World finds Democrats backpedaling with regard to a troop withdrawal and Republicans increasing their call for same on the eve of a report to Congress by General Petraeus who will evidently indicate the "surge" to be working much better than Suttle World and many others anticipated.  Meanwhile, down on Wall Street everyone seems to be longing for bad news on the economy so that he Fed will ratchet down interest rates another 25 basis points following their September meeting.  Where's Mit)h when you really need him to break it all down?

August 26, 2007

...Stevie Wonder begins a 10 stop tour tonight in Concord, CA that includes a September 14th gig in the ATL.  Unfortunately, the venue is Chastain, and tickets run $70-$130, so no Little Stevie for Suttle World, but it is heartened to see the master back on the road.  The only other show worthy of mention of which Suttle World is aware is The Woggles, next Sunday (9/2) at the Starlight Drive In---crammed between a number of dubious acts.  This just in!  There is a second show of note as Suttle World has become aware that The Donnas will hit the stage at The EARL on October 13 (the one year anniversary of the above linked Paraskevidekatriaphobia Hajj 2006).

...More props for the kids from Warner Robbins, GA who win the US pool of this year's Little League World series, and will face Japan this afternoon (3:30 EDT, ABC) in the title game.

August 25, 2007

...First, a little housekeeping---SOTD is not a Ramones cover.  Suttle World finds live versions of the Ramones Pinhead to be their finest effort on both an auditory and visual level (Joey's Gabba Gabba Hey sign); but in the studio, the Rubber City Rebels give the late great boys from Queens a damn good run for the money with their own tune of the same name.

...Speaking of pinheads, here's the entire Hillary quote of the day:  "It's a horrible prospect to ask yourself, 'What if? What if?' But if certain things happen between now and the election, particularly with respect to terrorism, that will automatically give the Republicans an advantage again, no matter how badly they have mishandled it, no matter how much more dangerous they have made the world."  "Damn sister, [Suttle World] don't think [it'd] told that."  Senator, as long you're in a talkative mood, would you mind explaining to Suttle World again how those "lost" Rose Law Firm billing records under subpoena magically appeared in the living quarters of the White House?  More questions to come as your schedule permits.

...And God bless mommy and daddy and our puppy Spot and John Smoltz.  A very much needed win from the future Hall of Famer last night, surrendering only two runs on six hits in eight full innings of work against the Cardinals.  Now, the Phillies need to cooperate, and stay afloat this weekend against the Padres.  The Braves have more control over their own destiny if the wild card race comes down to Atlanta and Philadelphia---less so if San Diego is the team to beat.

...To those small children still quivering in fear over the insanity of liquid just falling from the sky last night:  take comfort.  Old timers have seen it before.  The Sioux called it cloud pee pee.  We call it rain, and it truly is no cause for alarm, rather one of celebration for all the local flora and fauna. 

...Props to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.  He's handled the Vick horrification and other unsavory matters involving players about as well as possible by swinging the hammer hard; and Suttle World finds few things more enjoyable than a commissioner swinging a big hammer.  The beat down school of management does indeed appear to be the most appropriate when governing a pro league.

...The kids from Warner Robbins, GA face off against an impressive Texas squad this afternoon (3:00 EDT, ABC) in the finals of the US pool of the Little League World Series in Williamsport.  The winner will face either Japan or Curacao Sunday---same Bat time same Bat station.

August 24, 2007

...Hillary:  "Too often, and in too many places, our health care system hurts us instead of helps us.  It hurts doctors, who aren't rewarded for providing the best care and are often punished for it financially. It hurts nurses who are asked to work longer hours, caring for more patients with fewer resources. And it hurts patients, who are forced to make complicated medical decisions without basic information about their conditions and options."  Suttle World believes the senior Senator from New York to be quite correct in those comments made yesterday at Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center in Lebanon, NH.  If only Suttle World dwelled on the same exalted intellectual plane as the world's smartest woman, then it could understand how socialized medicine is going to fix these issues.  One more time:  40% of cancer patients in the UK never see an oncologist, where 20% of colon cancer patients die waiting for surgery.  Senator Byrd (KKK-WV) always carries a copy of the Constitution around, and Suttle World hopes that one day he'll take it out and read it.  Suttle World suspects that Mrs. Clinton totes around Chairman Mao's Little Red Book, and knows it by heart.

...Props to the kids from Warner Robbins who thumped the boys from Chandler, AZ last night in the Little League World Series to advance to the final game in the U.S. pool.  The lads will have to face a very tough looking Texas team Saturday to advance to Sunday's final game, but would seem to have better than a puncher's chance at following in the footsteps of their brethren from Columbus last year, that would crown Georgia as the world champion for the second consecutive year.  As an added bonus, Suttle World offers a free piece of Suttle World merch to the gentle surfer who can correctly score last night's game winning hit within the next 24 hours.  MLB rules are acceptable, and entries can be submitted here.

...Meanwhile, the big leaguers from these here parts cannot suck enough, with the Braves dropping another contest to the dreadful Reds last night in Cincy.  All is not lost, as the Phillies are circling the bowl at the same pace, and the opportunity to make up significant ground comes next week when Philadelphia and the Mets comes to town for three game sets.

...More mind boggling than Texas putting up 30 against Baltimore Wednesday night is the fact that the Orioles fell from 7th to 11th in the American League team ERA department in one game---IN AUGUST!

...The lead on Yahoo's "sports page" this morning features Jim Bouton and his efforts with the Vintage Baseball Federation.  Very cool stuff, and recommended reading for the gentle surfer.

...Memo to Arthur:  Joey Harrington...Dante Culpepper, and the winner is Harrington, with the incredibly awful Raiders picking up Dante who may well start the first half of the season while an unhappy JaMarcus Russell sits.  You've got a lot of salary cap room now, so you might want to pick up the phone and give crazy grandpa Al a shout out.

...Moving over the college side of the gridiron, its time for the annual glance at the schedule for the local warriors.  Tech opens against Notre Dame in South Bend while Georgia takes on menacing Oklahoma State in Athens, followed two weeks later by Western Carolina, with the eagerly awaited matchup against Troy looming on the horizon November 3.  In all fairness, Tech does have Samford and Army on their docket, and both teams get an intra-conference bye week against Duke and Kentucky respectively.

...And given today's update is almost all sports almost all the time, the weekend's ATL TV sports schedule can be found here.

August 23, 2007

..."EDINBURGH (AFP) - A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry."  Now that's entertainment.

...Approximately 26,000 commercial airline flights took off and landed safely yesterday in the United States.

...And that's the way it is, Thursday, August 23, 2007.

August 22, 2007

...Just another lovely auto-spritz August day of 98° unbreathable atmosphere that is duller than dirt to boot.  Such is not the case in Williamsport, PA where rain forced postponement of  the previously weather cancelled third game at the Little League World Series for the kids from Warner Robbins, GA.  They'll try again this morning in a de-facto elimination game against Walpole, MA.  When resumed, the Georgia team holds a 2-0 lead in the top of the second inning.  No television coverage is listed as of this writing, but the gentle surfer with an interest may want to check in with ESPN or ESPN2 come 9:00 or so when play is scheduled to be continued.

...Given the dearth of material with which to work, Suttle World will thieve from others for content this morning (more than usual).  First, our buddy Theodore Dalrymple checks in from City Journal with a short pithy piece on western Europe's further catering/caving to radical Islam.

...Second, American genius Thomas Sowell, gives a well reasoned beat down to the poorly reasoned left in his most recent column.

...And finally, Suttle World's personal favorite is this week's installment from cuzin Matt Bruner, of Bruner's Texas Takes.  Our now western friend readily admits this essay doesn't dwell on the the nuances of the lone prairie, rather a recollection from a previous life.  Way ahead of Great White or Michael Jackson, giving Iggy a good run for his money, and the pioneers of primal mannequin hacking therapy----yes, boys and girls,  just another day at the office for the late, great Phenix Rising >>>>>>>>>

August 21, 2007

...A couple of items from the classifieds:

...Suttle World had pontificated that the NBA officiating scandal to be potentially earth shaking, but it would appear that only Tim Donaghy was involved.  Some decent PR/damage control work by David Stern, and those storm clouds should lift.  That leaves Michael Vick, who with his guilty plea, has become the biggest sports scandal in Suttle World's lifetime.  The only rival would be Pete Rose.  Come to think of it, maybe that's where Vick will find redemption following a TBD period of incarceration.  Mike and Pete could start a chain of Sociopaths R Us stores.

...Congress' approval rating is the lowest it has been since Gallup first tracked public opinion of Congress in 1974. Just 18% of Americans approve of the job Congress is doing, while 76% disapprove, according to the August 13-16 Gallup Poll.  Suttle World is curious as to exactly who the hell composes the 18%, and can only assume that Gallup includes institutionalized folks in its sample group.

...If less than 2% of all mortgages in the US are delinquent, why would everyone be pulling out of the home lending business?  Massive layoffs by a number of lenders were announced yesterday, along with Capital One jumping off altogether.  Could it be that those in the know can see a "universal mortgage lending" system coming from the folks in Congress who enjoy the 18% approval rating?

August 20, 2007

...Much better outing for the Braves yesterday afternoon, but no progress made in the standings, and rightfully so after going a mere 3-3 on the just completed home stand.  Time to get fat on the Reds and upstart Cards if the much longed for pennant race is ever really going to become same.  And whatever happened to Zane Smith?  Hanging with BB Rebozo?  Finally, props to John Smoltz who became the all time Braves strike out leader---topping Phil Niekro's previous mark of 2912.  Suttle World was stunned to learn that Warren Spahn (arguably the greatest left handed pitcher in MLB history) had fewer than 2500 while collecting 363 wins.

...The anti-NCAA football playoff camp is simply giddy with the release of the idiotic preseason polls over the weekend that set in concrete who will and won't be eligible for a shot at the "national championship" come the first week of January.  Suttle World never ceases to be amazed that a couple dozen geezers in ugly jackets stand between the nation and what would/will be one of the greatest spectacles that American sports could/will offer---an 8 team playoff scenario.

...For those who got a chance to check out CBS Sunday Morning yesterday (and lasted til the bitter end when the piece finally aired) got a so-so feel for Helms Barber Shop and the pickin and grinnin to be had there on any given Thursday in Hendersonville, NC.  Perhaps the experience is in the "you had to be there" aisle, but the sound quality was awful, and the tenor of the story seemed much more rooted in the attempt to portray some hillbilly stereotype than what's really going on in them there hills.  Bottom line:  the story didn't do the experience justice, which probably for the best---preventing a pilgrimage of throngs that would screw up the whole deal.  Still, its well worth the trip.

August 19, 2007

...SUTTLE WORLD ALERT---CHECK YOUR LOCAL LISTINGS!  This morning!  CBS Sunday Morning is billed by TV Guide as featuring a piece that is "a profile of a bluegrass band from Hendersonville, NC."  Not exactly.  The story will in fact feature Helms Barber Shop (pics) in Hendersonville on which Suttle World reported back in May.  The panty wearing, Commie culture notwithstanding, the show has always done a damn good  job (both under Kuralt and now with Osgood) in the photo journalism department, especially, if not exclusively, in an apolitical environment.  The gentle surfer is strongly urged the Tivo/VCR/DVR, and/or plant its bad self in front of the tube (9:00 EDT in the ATL).

...Whatever happened to BB Rebozo?

...The bad news Braves continue their woeful ways, and now trail the Mets by 5.5 games---1.5 behind Philly and San Diego in the Wild Card race).

...Memo to President Bush:  immediately get all foreign service folks in Jamaica to the various airports, and order them to sort out US citizens.  Send a military cargo relief to rescue all immediately!  NOW!   Stranding US nationals in the Caribbean because of over capacity air travel conditions created by the pending storm is unconscionable!  

August 18, 2007

...Memo to Jamaica:  click here.

...The Federal Reserve, August 17, 2007:  "To promote the restoration of orderly conditions in financial markets, the Federal Reserve Board approved temporary changes to its primary credit discount window facility. The Board approved a 50 basis point reduction in the primary credit rate to 5-3/4 percent, to narrow the spread between the primary credit rate and the Federal Open Market Committee's target federal funds rate to 50 basis points."  Suttle World July 17, 2007:  "It occurs to Suttle World that any potential sub-prime lending crisis could be averted or significantly lessened by Chairman Bernanke.  Just lower rates that the Fed in its wisdom has been revving up over the past several years for no apparent reason." 

...It could have been a worse night for Braves fans, but not by much.  At least the now 7-12 Woody Williams came up big for the Astros (going 7 and allowing but one run on six hits) as they beat the Padres overnight.  Otherwise, it was a grim evening, with the Braves dropping a full game to both the Mets and Phillies.  New York comes to town August 31-September 2, followed by a three game set against Philadelphia beginning Labor Day til September 5.  A HUGE week of baseball in the ATL.

..."WASHINGTON (AP) — The government must answer a watchdog group's demands to release records about the nation's classified terrorist spying program, the chief judge of a secretive national security court has ruled.  The American Civil Liberties Union, which announced the order Friday, said it was the first time the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court had responded to a request filed by the public.  In her 2-page order, dated Aug. 16, Presiding Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly called the ACLU's demand "an unprecedented request that warrants further briefing."  Suttle World believes this is a prime example of why we keep the ACLU around.  Someone's got to hold the government's feet to the fire, especially on this very shaky ground that is the FISA Courts.  There simply has to be some degree of public transparency when there is a possibility of peril to due process.  Yes, the United States is at war with radical Islam, but compromising basic principals of due process is akin to waving a white flag---the terrorists win.

...A belated happy birthday to the compact disc that turned 25 yesterday.  A fascinating story of collaboration between Philips and Sony, and the rest is a history still in the making, with the major players now being a really fupped duck, impotent oligopoly of a music industry.

August 17, 2007

...NASA has determined that no repairs are required to the Shuttle Endeavour for it to safely return to earth.  Had NASA stood down when Suttle World insisted it do so by grounding the space program three weeks ago, an evaluation wouldn't be necessary.  Given NASA doesn't listen well, perhaps it could answer a couple of questions from Suttle World:  was a breathalyzer administered to those who made the above determination?  Were they wearing diapers and/or maniacally planning the death of one of their colleagues?  

..."(AP) - The White House demanded in 2004 that the Justice Department approve a secret national security program without allowing the ailing attorney general, "feeble, barely articulate, clearly stressed," to discuss the matter with top advisers, according to the FBI director's personal notes."  Hey!  Give Ashcroft a break here.  Being beat in a Senate race by a dead guy, and then having to cover the genitalia of statues at the Justice Department can take a lot out of a fellow.  The gentle surfer can take some comfort that Ashcroft was replaced by a strong, independent Attorney General in the form of Alberto Gonzales, who put down his leaf blower on the White House lawn to come inside and accept the post.  Suttle World believes the moral to the story is that lightweights don't make for very competent AGs.

...The Braves begin a weekend series with Arizona, trailing the Mets by 3 and a half games in the National League East, and send Lance Cormier to the mound with his 0-2 record and 13.50 ERA.

...Hey Mike, how about a Hall of Fame NFL career and being paid $100+ million for same?  "Nah, I think I'd rather watch dogs kill each other."

...Props to the kids from Warner Robbins (GA) that make up the Southeastern entry in this year's Little League World Series, and begin play in Williamsport tonight against Lake Oswego at 8:00 (EDT ESPN2) in the US pool.

August 16, 2007

...Thirty years ago today, Elvis tumbled from the thrown.

...So Bonds is going to sue folks now.  So be it.  Suttle World declares that Barry Bonds has forever tainted the game of baseball by knowingly using performance enhancing drugs and/or hormonal therapy.  Bonds' legal team may contact Suttle World here for details as to where Suttle World will accept service.  Please also indicate when would be a good time for your client to be deposed.

...The market is absolutely insane.  Suttle World watched the meltdown yesterday afternoon, stupefied by what it witnessed.  Let's get this straight, already flush with cash, the economy (that would be the US economy---the one with strong earnings, low unemployment, increasing productivity and the like) is that much more so after the 760 point drop/sell off in the DOW over the past 5 days.  This, of course, means the bond market is doing well.  Well, no.  Short term rates continue to decline.  Meanwhile prime borrowers are having difficulty getting folks to underwrite mortgages.  The only logical extension is to buy Serta and other mattress makers.  The cash has to go somewhere.  Suttle World now views Chairman Bernanke as the enemy.  Concerned about inflation?  Suttle World suggests that nothing checks inflation like a good old fashion depression.

...The Suttle World school bus stop forecast for this morning is Suck City.  The current heat wave approaches its three week anniversary, and looks to proudly continue its reign in all its hideous hot and sticky glory for the foreseeable future.

...Suttle World is late out of the gate with regard to an obit for Phil Rizzuto, and defers to the many others who have paid tribute to the baseball legend.  Suttle World does find it curious that it has heard only one reference to Paradise by the Dashboard Light in the numerous remembrances.

August 14, 2007

...The markets have calmed down, leaving the lead for most news organs to be a hurricane that is diminishing in strength and will not strike Hawaii.  Such are the news dog days of summer that give Suttle World and the gentle surfer an even greater appreciation for cuzin Matt and another stellar installment of >>>>>>>>

August 13, 2007

...A couple of short hours remain before the bell rings, and the 2007-8 academic year is underway for the majority of the ATL, including the "schools" of DeKalb County where nephew Ridge will darken the doorway of decrepit Tucker High School to begin his junior year.

...AMF to Merv Griffin who left this mortal coil due to prostate cancer.  He was 82.  Griffin was one of the few giants in the still emerging medium of television.  In front of the camera, Merv had "it," and parlayed his talent into household name status.  Behind the scenes the last 30 years, Griffin proved himself to be as shrewd a business talent as Warren Buffet.  The value of his incredibly diversified and well deserved estate will be staggering.  Mmmmm, well done Merv, mmmmmmm.

...Props to Woody Austin who refused to go away, and gave Tiger a much better run for the money  ($1.26 million to be exact) than Suttle World and most of the universe expected yesterday afternoon in the final round of the 83rd PGA Championship.  13 down, six to go in the majors department.

...And the winner of the 2007 Wiffle Atlanta Championship is:  unknown as of this writing.  Feeling a bit under the weather (weather that mercifully relented with sub 100° surrounds), Suttle World let the event fly past---only recalling the 5:30 start when already well past the contest's anticipated end.   

...The Braves complete trips through New York and Philly, picking up a single game on the division leading Mets, and begin a home stand against the hideous Giants, followed by an Arizona ball club that doesn't play that well on the road.  The week's schedule is far from being all in the Braves favor, as the Mets and Phillies tag team the dreadful Pirates and Nationals.  Scoreboard watching time has officially begun.

August 4, 2007

...Props to Mitt Romney for his win in the scintillating Iowa Straw Poll held last night in the Mecca of American politics:  Ames.  Suttle World suggests that Mitt savor the victory, cause this is as good as its going to get.  The Romney campaign now moves into death spiral mode for the remainder of its existence.  The over/under is February 15.  Suttle World's forecasted nominee, Mike Huckabee, finished a much needed second to remain relevant, and the former Arkansas governor is looking more attractive as a running mate with each passing day---providing a excellent balance with Rudi, should he capture the nomination.  The only other note of interest from last night's shindig/hootenanny was that after a week of propping up Newt for masterfully beating the idiotic nomination process about the head and shoulders, and then getting the appropriate radio and TV time to further hammer same, he shows up in Ames?!  Not campaigning---just available for further face time on the various cable news networks.  Despite the gaffe (and perhaps only Suttle World noticed), Newt remains as viable a candidate as any that have declared or have almost done same/Fred Thompson. 

...Props to those who made the cut and continued their futile efforts in the PGA Championship yesterday in Tulsa.  The field didn't disappear as anticipated, and Tiger will only win this major by 3 or 4 strokes, as opposed to the 13-14 stroke margin that Suttle World had foreseen.  Its been a pretty decent year for an old Injun, but Ed Ames aint gonna stare down Woods this afternoon when they tee it up in the last group at 3:00 (EDT - CBS).

...Braves win!  Mets lose!  And two and a half games again separate the good guys from the bad---only a half game back in the Wild Card race.

...The long awaited third Wiffle Atlanta Championship is set to be played this evening in what could well be the swan song for Ralph Kramden Yards, as the league looks towards other venues for the 2008 campaign.  But first, a king must be crowned, and that will occur when the upstart Pirates face the Banana Slugs at 5:30. Tickets for last week's postponed championship game will be honored.

August 11, 2007

...Its a simple risk-reward situation.  The very real risk is that of morbidity and/or mortality among competitors and spectators in the  105° blast furnace that is Tulsa this week.  There's little to counter that on the reward side of the ledger, because Tiger has already won the PGA.  Suttle World says call it now, hand out checks and everybody head to an air conditioned environment.

...The Joey Harrington era is off and running in a 31-16 loss by the Falcons in their first pre season game last night against the Giants.  Just wait til the next decade.  Six wins for the coming campaign would be nothing short of miraculous.

...AP --- "The federal deficit so far this budget year is running sharply lower, driven by record revenues pouring into government coffers."  One more time:  "RECORD REVENUES" not a decrease in spending---ergo, the term "deficit spending."  Suttle World has never heard anyone from either side of the aisle speak of "deficit taxation."  TAX CUTS INCREASE REVENUES!

...Not breaking news, but worthy of mention.  The gentle surfer who would like to pick up an easy $100,000 can collect it not from the estate of the late Prince Umbaba Bawwana, whose cousin emailed you yesterday asking for help in getting the $36.4 million out his corrupt country, rather it can be had from our friends at junkscience.com.  All that is required is for the gentle surfer to prove the obvious:  human activity is the cause of global warming.  Its quick, easy and just imagine the number of carbon offsets that could be had with that kind of cash.  The only admonition is that the gentle surfer hurry.  This will be a slam dunk for great minds like Al Gore---the guy born in a log cabin he built with his own two hands, and went on to serve as the inspiration for Love Story before inventing the internet.  He needs it for his kids' defense fund.

August 10, 2007

...At this writing DOW futures are pointing towards another nearly 200 point opening decline after shedding 387 big Cat points in yesterday's trading debacle.  Memo to Wall Street:  its August, its hot, you're spritzed.  Just take the day off---have a cocktail, maybe even pop a couple of Xanax, schedule a full body message in a well air conditioned room and engage in a little mediation by silently repeating to yourself "there's no sub-prime lending crisis, there's no sub-prime lending crisis..."  Meanwhile the smart folks who have had enough sense to watch from the sidelines the last month will spend the weekend diligently looking for the many bargains that will be there for the taking come Monday morning.  Also worthy of mention is that the word on the street is now that the Fed may have to step in and lower interest rates to provide some relief.  Suttle World July 17, 2007:  "It occurs to Suttle World that any potential sub-prime lending crisis could be averted or significantly lessened by Chairman Bernanke.  Just lower rates that the Fed in its wisdom has been revving up over the past several years for no apparent reason."  Should the Atlanta Branch of the Federal Reserve require any immediate assistance, feel free to contact Suttle World.

...Second round play is underway in the 2007 PGA Championship with a leaderboard littered with mostly unrecognizable names, save the tour's human train wreck John Daly.  Memo to Daly:  Suttle World would enjoy your winning a third major a much as anyone, but respectfully suggests that imploding today, somehow managing to miss the cut and then going on a four day bender at a cheesy Injun casino is preferable to having to undergo CPR in an attempt to revive your beefy self on the number 15 fairway Sunday after you go Ken Venturi on the fourth 100°+ day of play in Tulsa.

...Given forecast highs of around 150° for most of the country today, its the perfect weekend to try to find something on the old tube to watch in air conditioned comfort.  Weekend TV sports listings are here.

August 9, 2007

...Suttle World extends a hearty AMF and dedicates today's SOTD to Lee Hazlewood who left this mortal coil Saturday, succumbing to renal cancer.  Hazlewood was 78, and most remembered as the guy who wrote and produced Nancy Sinatra's 1966 hit These Boots Are Made for Walkin'.  Suttle World finds this disappointing, because as allmusic.com best describes:  "while the official country music version of western still looked back to the '30s and '40s, Hazlewood's characters were dark, gritty, and anything but heroic, anticipating the shady sense of right and wrong, the realism, and the complex motives of the Sergio Leone or Sam Peckinpah westerns."  Meanwhile, tickets for Styx at the Hi-Fi Buys Amphitheater for their August 25 "show" are still available.  Another one for the life aint fair file.  In no way does Suttle World wish for an incendiary device planted on the band's bus to take all lives aboard, but, as previously stated, life aint always fair.

...The faint crashing sound heard in and around the south wing of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor was first feared to be an intruder, but after further investigation, the Manor's staff and denizens have decided the noise to be that of a working ice maker dumping its cargo into the hopper contained inside the fine new Maytag refrigerator/freezer delivered yesterday afternoon.  Even more exciting than a new ice box are the rebates that came with it.  There's a $100 or so rebate on the appliance, another $50 rebate on the delivery, and most importantly are the carbon offset rebates.  Suttle World is simply giddy about the latter that can then be hosed down with a can of aerosolized hair spray, crammed into a Styrofoam cup and lit ablaze in a wetland near a spotted owl.

...Yes, my son, I very much want to hear more about your troubled marriage and how we can find guidance from the Lord to carry the both of you through these difficult times, but if you'll pardon me for a few minutes, its time for me to get naked and go for a run.  AP --- "A Catholic priest faces an indecent exposure charge after police said he went jogging in the nude about an hour before sunrise.  The Rev. Robert Whipkey told officers he had been running naked at a high school track and didn't think anyone would be around at that time of day, a police report said.  He told officers he sweats profusely if he wears clothing while jogging. "I know what I did was wrong," he said in the report."  Suttle World has no particular problem with one jogging nude, be it a priest, lawyer or Indian chief, but does believe it might be an impediment in the credibility department.

...Timing is everything, and last night was evidently not the proper time to ask Cincinnati resident Geraldine Beasley for some spare change.  Approached for a quarter by local urban outdoorsman Donald Francis, Geraldine instead presented a 9 mm slug to Francis at a high rate of speed.  He was 44.  She has been charged with murder, and Suttle World very much doubts the city can assemble twelve folks to convict. The gentle surfer is advised to NOT try this at home.

August 8, 2007

...Suttle World will not entertain complaints, gripes, whining and the like with regards to the absence of regular pithy takes.  Its mid-August/Sucksville, USA.  Outdoor breathing restrictions are in place, and what with yesterday being an odd day that corresponds to the odd street number of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor, respiration was not permitted.  The result was Suttle World dwelling in an even greater oxygen deprived environment---leaving little inspiration.  The big bad world isn't helping either in the material providing department.

...It done.  He's hit it.  The long national nightmare is over.  And so now the gentle surfer can turn its attention towards an honest to God pennant race for which Suttle World has pined for over 15 years.  The Braves take the first of three from the Mets last night at Shea, closing the deficit to 3 and a half games in the National League East, and 1.5 back in the Wild Card race.

...From the mailbag comes a post as startling as it was welcome.  35 years later, Jim Starnes checks in with a shout out about Wiffle Ball!?  September will mark 35 years since Suttle World left the peace, love and Monetary environs that were Columbia, MD for a second stint in the ATL, and in the rear view mirror at the time was best buddy Starnes.  There was a fair amount of Wiffle action that took place in Columbia and a great esprit de corp that is fondly remembered.  Now a long time Richmond resident, Suttle World very much looks forward to the "catching up" process.

...Only 138 shopping days left until Christmas, and Suttle World has found what it believes to be a great stocking stuffer---the LED Incapacitator from our California based friends at  Intelligent Optical Systems.  Also known as the Puke Saber and Barf Beamer, the gadget produces super-bright pulses of light at rapidly changing wavelengths, which cause disorientation, nausea and projectile vomiting.  Homeland Security and other law enforcement agencies have been ordering the flash light like devices, and Suttle World believes the gentle surfer could be the life of the party (at the homes of others) armed with the Incapacitator.  Batteries not included.  Some clean up required.  Props to Josh Fruhlinger, writing for the tres chic blog, Wonkette, for the best line on the product when he suggests "protesting hippies will now be forced to taste their awful vegan meals twice."

August 7, 2007

...Props to Tom Glavine who recorded career win number 300 last night against the Cubs in Wrigley.  The milestone may have been the most historic of the weekend---not exactly Johnny Vander Meeresque, but Glavine may well be the last pitcher to record 300 wins in baseball history.  Randy Johnson has 284, but is questionable as to whether he'll ever play again.  Other active players within shouting distance are too old to get there, and upstarts will find that 5 man rotations and increasingly shorter starts will make reaching 300 near impossible.

...And the 2007 Wiffle Atlanta Champion is:  TBD.  The Western Division pennant winning Banana Slugs were unable to show, but the Home Run Derby, won by Suttle World Senator Blaine Milam, and Wiffle Atlanta All-Star Game, won by the Western squad 4-3 in a nine inning affair, came off without a hitch.  The championship has been rescheduled for next Sunday, August 12.

...The hideous days of August now extend to the atmosphere in and around the ATL, and media organs are sorely disappointed in their inability to blame automobiles---largely because this most motoring of cities can attribute less than 20% of "pollutants" to car exhaust.  A stagnant air mass, heat and the lack of rain are, of course, the culprits.  The gentle surfer who pines for the good old days would also be sadly disappointed in that under similar conditions air quality in the area 100 years ago would have been roughly twice as "dirty" than is now the case.

...AP-"TEHRAN, Iran — Iran arrested more than 200 music fans at an underground rock concert that one official called a "satanic" gathering and authorities accused the youths of breaking Islamic law."  Suttle World will require a run down of the satanic music set list in question before making a call on this one.

August 5, 2007

...It is not a day of mourning, but a sad morning nonetheless at Suttle World Headquarters.  The cliché says that records are made for the purpose of being broken, but the adage says nothing about any necessity of the records being equaled or exceeded by an abject asshole aided in his quest by steroidal enhancement, smaller ball parks and incredibly diluted pitching over the past decade.  Yes, it is sad, but Henry Aaron is no less the greatest player in the history of baseball this morning than was the case last week.  Props to Alex Rodriguez on number 500---a guy who may make all this a moot point in 8-10 years.  Tom Glavine goes for career win 300 again tonight against the Cubs (8:00 EDT - ESPN).

...From Laurel, MS, home of yesterday's RE/MAX World Long Drive Championship District (AL, GA, MS and TN) competition correspondent cuzin Bill reports:  not a damn thing!  Did one or more of the father-son group of brother Roy and nephew Adam advance?  Suttle World has no idea.  RE/MAX aint saying, nor is the Laurel Leader-Call.

...Heatstroke may be an issue, but rain certainly won't be a factor today as the third annual Wiffle Atlanta Championship is played at Ralph Kramden Yards.  The Pirates take on the Banana Slugs in the title game at 1:00.  After the champagne celebration and confab with the media, the festivities continue with the 2007 Home Run Derby and All-Star game.  Suttle World will be in attendance---justly and mercifully as a spectator for each of the events.

...What could possibly be more fun than a bunch of Democratic presidential hopefuls pandering to the Kos Convention---a gathering of nearly 1500 liberal bloggers in Chicago?  Suttle World would suggest the answer is somewhere in the vicinity of undergoing a colonoscopy without sedation, and works up from there.

...(AJC) "Washington — Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich said Thursday the Bush administration is waging a "phony war" on terrorism, warning that the country is losing ground against the kind of Islamic radicals who attacked the country on Sept. 11, 2001.  A more effective approach, said Gingrich, would begin with a national energy strategy aimed at weaning the country from its reliance on imported oil and some of the regimes that petro-dollars support."  The former Speaker goes on to say in the piece that," "None of you should believe we are winning this war. There is no evidence that we are winning this war.  We were in charge for six years," he said, referring to the period between 2001 and early 2007, when the GOP controlled the White House and both houses of Congress. "I don't think you can look and say that was a great success.""  Suttle World finds the candor to be most refreshing, especially from a guy who is not of the "tax us into prosperity" mindset.

August 4, 2007

...Suttle World Exclusive:  Laurel, MS --- Suttle World correspondent cuzin Bill reports from lovely Laurel, MS where the RE/MAX World Long Drive Championship District (AL, GA, MS and TN) competition will begin today with brother Roy and nephew Adam (son of brother Roy) set to compete in the continuing 2007 campaign.  Both advanced from regional competition in which Suttle World can only discern that brother Roy was the sixth and final qualifier from a competition at Bear's Best Golf Course in Suwannee that by rule must have had at least 65 other contestants.  Roy's longest drive was 324 yards.  No such data was available for nephew Adam, but per cuzin Bill's report, nephew Adam must finish among the top three in an unknown field, whereas brother Roy must only finish in the top 15 in his "Super Senior" group to advance to the national finals that will be televised on ESPN in October. Updates as they become available.  Also noteworthy is that nephew Adam in competing in the "Open" group---a fairly self explanatory set.  Then it gets a little contorted.  The "Senior" group is defined as 45 and older, while the "Super Senior" designation is for the 53 and up crowd.  Doesn't stop there.  There is  also a geezer group, the "Grand Champion," for those 61 and over.

...Otherwise, a Saturday morning of which Larry King would be proud...

...The Braves awake this morning trailing the Mets by the largest margin of the season at 5 and a half games.

...Yes, Suttle World does think it is appropriate to ask if Louis XIII had any furniture.

...FYI---To the best of Suttle World's knowledge, The third annual Wiffle Atlanta Championship game will be played Sunday afternoon at Ralph Kramden Yards, beginning at or around 1:00 when an upstart Pirates team faces the ever impressive Banana Slugs ball club for the 2007 pennant.  

...It is simply flat ass amazing to watch the collapse of the 35W Bridge in Minneapolis, with the knowledge that transportation officials now estimate the number of vehicles on the bridge at the time of the collapse to be between 100-150, and there not to have been  a greater loss of life.  Suttle World isn't complaining---just "pleasantly" startled.

...The journalistic dog days of summer that are August are apparent on every level of the food chain, as Suttle World witnessed in a comprehensive,  two-three minute report by Asheville ABC affiliate WLOS "News 13 - Western North Carolina's News Leader" earlier this week.  While not the lead, the story was prominently featured, detailing the saga of several mail box bashing  incidents in McDowell County (native hunting grounds of Suttle World).  "Victims" were interviewed, as was the Sheriff's Department---all in the name of desperately trying to fill an hour of programming.  The McDowell News has more in depth coverage.

...DeKalb County Government Schools begin classes a week from Monday.

...ATL television sports lineup is here.

August 3, 2007

...Its August and Suttle World is old, so the gentle surfer can consider the very abbreviated update of yesterday as the equivalent to Suttle World not playing a day game after a night game in mid season.  Yesterday was also a travel day; and you just can't beat a good old day at the ball park---Suttle World can continue with mixed and/or irrelevant baseball metaphors until Jack Kemp screams uncle (and that, in and of itself, is "inside baseball").  This big guy's way overdue.  STOP! STOP!

...Suttle World's first reaction to the catastrophic bridge collapse in Minneapolis was that of hoping Mary Richards was OK.  The second was a growing sense of rage.  Stipulating that an investigation over the cause of the bridge's collapse is still underway, Suttle World is going to go out on a limb and guess that there were some issues with the bridge's integrity/ it was broke.  Its difficult to buy many votes repairing and maintaining bridges.  What does buy votes is funding community puppet theaters, the dogwood/azalea/hemlock festival, and the like.  Keep building those parks, and "invest" in community development and business outreach projects.  Let the bread be broken and the circuses continue.  The fact that much of the nation's infrastructure is crumbling (like, say, the city of Atlanta  dumping shit into the Chattahoochee for decades due to a sewer system that requires a $3 BILLION overhaul)---well, we'll get around to that right after the Rula Lenska Memorial is finished.  Five dead, seven still "missing," nearly 80 injured, and traffic screwed in the twin cities for years to come.  Most likely the victims of inept government, and, as somebody pointed out, folks get the government they deserve.

...AP---"Obama said in a speech Wednesday that as president he would order military action against terrorists in Pakistan's tribal region bordering Afghanistan if intelligence warranted it. The comment provoked anger in Pakistan, a key ally of the United States in its war on terror."  Suttle World must now re-examine its take of last week that Obama was an electable candidate for the Democrats because he could carry a couple of southern states.  Memo to Barrack:  It aint a bad idea, but, "damn brother, I don't think I'd told that."  The junior Senator from Illinois is only going to get so many mulligans/gaffes.

...The most recent data indicates that nearly 75% of newborns in the US are now breastfed.  This speaks well to the immune systems of future generations.  The gentle surfer is asked to consider the even brighter future of the health prospects for these kids if market forces are allowed to continue to push genetic and other therapies for disease forward.  Suttle World would hasten to point out that those market forces disappear and with it the incentive to push ahead under any sort of "universal" health care system.  The gentle surfer would no doubt agree that a universal health care system rolls off the tongue better than a Socialist or Fascist (depending on which scheme is being considered) health care system.

...Late on a take of the Braves and their moves before the August 1st trade deadline, but a moot point, in that Suttle World never questions any move uncle John may make at any time, and especially around this time of the year.  Memo to the Braves clubhouse:  you've got enough talent to either overtake the Mets or gain the wildcard spot, but there is a catch:  you've got to win freakin' games!  You can't give up 12 to the Astros who cannot suck enough.  Win early and win often.

August 1, 2007

...Suttle World greets the gentle surfer this morning form its western North Carolina satellite headquarters where Suttle World has retreated to lend some minor care following some minor surgery (cataract removal) undergone by mother of Suttle World a few short hours ago.  Suttle World was fully prepared to publish from the lovely confines of Pardee Hospital, but the wireless technology proved unusable.  Regardless, the surgical procedure went off as expected, and all have returned to the satellite HQ for rest and recovery.  Ergo, the belated update that still has little to bring.  

...A belated AMF to Tammy Faye (Baker) Messner who left this mortal coil last Friday at the tender age of 65 following an 11 year battle with colon cancer.  Suttle World must again point to its ever inept staff for allowing the noteworthy news item go unmentioned over the past several days.  Suttle World is unsure as to whether the works of then husband Jim Baker and Tammy Faye were effective in bringing more folks into the Jesus tent, but Suttle World is of the opinion that they did so in good faith; and received an unjustly severe bad rap as the empire came tumbling down 15 years ago.

...Given Suttle World grounded NASA last week, its something of a moot point, but the announcement of putting another government school teacher on a future shuttle flight is laughably absurd.  "NASA is playing down the flight's symbolism, and the impact of any teaching Morgan will do could be muted because most schools are on summer break." (AP)  Once again Suttle World questions exactly what NASA's mission is.  If there's room for a non-essential joy rider...  At least good ole barfin' Jake Garn had a function (projectile vomiting) when put aboard a shuttle flight.

...No milestone for you!  Bonds is still at 754.  Tom Glavine still has 299 wins, and A Rod remains stuck at 499 homers despite 7 round trippers clubbed by the Yankees last night.

SUTTLEWORLD 
               
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