Archives---April 2009

April 30, 2009    Let there be Ollie

...Tonight there will be Ollies, and they will be good.  A team of infectious disease specialists has just completed a full inspection of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor, and the results indicate the estate to be a swine flu free zone.  Suttle World intends to keep it that way, so "the world's most interesting man," will find his Ollie and fries on the porch.  Just leave the Dos Equis WITHOUT HAVING TOUCHED THE BOTTLES!  Pilgrims rim the area in and around stately Roberts/Suttle Manor, and the whir of helicopter blades are currently the loudest over the east wing---no doubt to catch overhead shots of the Oliver W. Gleichenhaus Memorial Dining Hall, the site of tonight's festivities.  Its gonna be a zoo, as Ollie noshers from literally around the country (and the world in the case of cuzin Larry) will reunite, some, for the first time since real Ollie Burgers were simply bought at the local Ollie's Trolley.  Yes, there will be Ollie fries.  Suttle World has already covered the fry angle with the gentle surfer.  Suttle World has the "stuff," man---the secret mix of herbs and spices that make Ollie fries the best damn fries on the planet.  Discussions among the ancients continue as to the best delivery device (the fry).  Local authorities are discouraging anything but emergency travel in and around stately Roberts/Suttle Manor due to congestion.  The gentle surfer is reminded that this is a by invitation only event, and not to be confused with the every other Sunday Summer tours of the Manor's gardens that are open to the public  This private status is simply logistical, because unless Jesus shows to work the grill, there just aint gonna be enough for all the faithful.  "Upon further review," Suttle World ponders as to whether with cuzin Larry in attendance, if in fact Jesus could keep up.  Miracle worker?---sure, but sating cuzin Larry with Ollies...?  This is a true Gene Roddenberry moment.  Imagine cuzin Larry time traveling back to the whole fishes and loaves deal.  Would this have caused Jesus to ultimately say, "oh the hell with it," just go home, and have history altered?  Suttle World has absolutely no idea how it got here from where it started, but is reasonably certain the first Ollies will be consumed at or before 8:00 pm.

...Time to get a tad serious, and examine some "facts" ("just the facts, mam, just the facts") with regard to the influenza story.  Suttle World cannot blame the 24/7 news cycle for this story, unless CNN is deliberately infecting Mexican citizens with the virus.  The two main sources on which Suttle World will rely are the World Health Organization and Centers for Disease Control.  Suttle World has issues with both organizations, but not with regard to epidemiology.  From the WHO website:  (Of course, the pandemic was upgraded yesterday to "Phase 5" on a six point scale.)  "29 April 2009 -- The situation continues to evolve rapidly. As of 18:00 GMT [2:00 pm EDT], 29 April 2009, nine countries have officially reported 148 cases of swine influenza A/H1N1 infection. The United States Government has reported 91 laboratory confirmed human cases, with one death. Mexico has reported 26 confirmed human cases of infection including seven deaths.  The following countries have reported laboratory confirmed cases with no deaths - Austria (1), Canada (13), Germany (3), Israel (2), New Zealand (3), Spain (4) and the United Kingdom (5)...Phase 5 is characterized by human-to-human spread of the virus into at least two countries in one WHO region. While most countries will not be affected at this stage, the declaration of Phase 5 is a strong signal that a pandemic is imminent and that the time to finalize the organization, communication, and implementation of the planned mitigation measures is short...In the 2009 revision of the phase descriptions, WHO has retained the use of a six-phased approach for easy incorporation of new recommendations and approaches into existing national preparedness and response plans."  Suttle World is hard pressed to find a base line.  The bird flu hype of several years ago, and, the great 1976 swine flu that never was ordeal (except the 1,000 or so killed or paralyzed by the first round of vaccines) don't seem to have been rated on this scale, so this is becoming a difficult call for Suttle World.  At this writing, Suttle World sees the Phase 5 designation to be akin to a severe thunder storm watch.  Regardless, its fascinating to watch on an academic level, and Suttle World would like to keep it that way.  At this point, it would seem that to be completely dismissive of the outbreaks is a whole lot dumber than being overly cautious.

...Props to the Hawks for their 106-91 beat down of the Miami Heat last night at Philips in a game where the final score does not tell the story.  The Hawks dominated from mid-way through the first quarter, and breezed to an easy win---much like game one, and now lead the series 3-2.  The gentle surfer simply cannot imagine the degree of Suttle World's distress that Duane Wade has a boo-boo and gets really, really mad sometimes when fouled.  As the gentle surfer is well aware, any touching of D Wade without the express written consent of the National Basketball Association is strictly prohibited.  Suttle World suggests Mr. Wade find therapy in the form of eating an Al Horford sandwich when the teams meet for game six, Friday night in Miami.

...Washington and Pittsburgh begin their second round, eastern conference, Stanley Cup playoff series Saturday night in DC.  Bring it.

April 29, 2009    Olliestock I set

... has now been officially scheduled for tomorrow, Thursday, April 30.  In a effort to reduce congestion in and around stately Roberts/Suttle Manor, no further details of the event have been released to the public, save that the affair is by invitation only.  At this writing, the first two television satellite trucks are parked near the estate.  Suttle World has limited press credentials to 100, and may have to employ pool coverage if more requests are received.

...A little bit of stupid is tolerable.  Conspiratorial stupidity is quite another.  A memo from the Federal Aviation Administration's James Johnston said the agency was aware of "the possibility of public concern regarding DOD (Department of Defense) aircraft flying at low altitudes" in an around New York City. But they demanded total secrecy from the NYPD, the Secret Service, the FBI and even the mayor's office and threatened federal sanctions if the secret got out.  No, Suttle World is not going to bust the president's nads on this one, but the gentle surfer is asked to consider all that was involved in pulling off this idiotic photo-op.  It had to be suggested, planned, approved and exercised.  During that process, evidently no one said, "gee, you known this could make folks in Manhattan panic."  And these are the people that some misguided gentle surfers want to run their health care?

...Props to the "choking dogs"/Washington Capitals who broke their collars last night with a thrilling 2-1 win over the Rangers in the seventh and deciding game of the teams' first round Stanley Cup playoff series.  As great as the win itself, was the game winner, netted by old timer Sergei Fedorov at the 15:01 mark of the final period.  Now, unbelievably in his 18th season in the NHL, Fedorov was the singularly most exciting player Suttle World has ever seen play hockey in his younger days.  The skates may not move a quickly, but the wrist shot still does, thank you.  Carolina took the other game seven over New Jersey last night, but nobody seems to really care.

...NBA playoff action continues tonight in Atlanta as the Hawks and Heat resume their first round, best of seven series, tied at 2 games all.  Tip-off is 8:00 on TNT.

...Shell Oil reported a 62% drop in net profit as compared with the first quarter of 2008 yesterday.  Gee, the price of gasoline hasn't changed much, nor the price of oil.  Sup with that?  Instead of a lengthy explanation for the macro-economically challenged, Suttle World suggests the afflicted just keep griping as they fill their tanks with gasoline that was sucked up out of the ground as black sticky oil, shipped half way around the world, refined, and distributed via pipelines and trucks to the pump at a cost five times less than that of a bottle of Dasani, that is taken from a municipal water supply.

April 28, 2009    Esoteric excess

...It was a hell of a day in the news biz.  Check that it was a big news day on the Marshall McLuhan scale.  By mid-day, Fox News had run out of windows to put on the screen (an unintended ironic/oxymoronic phrase that makes perfect sense, given that in the olden days, screens typically went on windows).  Presidential Press Secretary Robert Gibbs occupied what little was left of the main portion of the screen.  At the bottom was the obligatory "ALERT."  There's been an ALERT in effect 24/7 for a decade.   "ALERT - dog run over in Sacramento."  Below the vital "ALERT," the particulars of which Suttle World forgets, ran the omnipresent ticker.  On the right of the screen were three separate windows that rotated between video of:  1)  The big board at the NYSE 2) Folks wondering around in Iowa---some presumably gay and getting married 3)  Empty airplanes or persons that may or may not be infected with swine flu 4) A press conference at the CDC emphasizing that we're not all going to die. 5) An Earthquake registered outside Mexico City  The aforementioned Mr. McLuhan just gets smarter with each passing newscast.

...Nope, Suttle World still isn't buying into the swine flu hype, but does believe that its a preview of coming attractions.  There seems to be little disagreement in the epidemiology department that its a when not if situation regarding the next big one (Elizabeth)/honest to God pandemic.  The 1918 influenza pandemic infected approximately half of the world's population only 15 years after the Wright brothers became airborne.  The death toll ranged from 20-100 million across the globe.  Mix in higher population density, and world-wide "instant" travel by millions, and the next one will be something to behold.  Its just not this one.

...Growing pressure from poaching and human encroachment in Zimbabwe has driven hundreds of elephants to migrate from the country.  Adding insult to injury, airlines are insisting the elephants purchase two coach seats in their efforts to flee.  Suttle World believes that elephants packing their trunks and leaving is a fairly good indicator of the suck factor of any given nation or geographic area.  When did the gentle surfer last see an elephant in Newark?

...Props to the Hawks on a game four win over the Heat to knot their first round playoff series at two each.  Now, its back to Atlanta for game five Wednesday night.  Marvin Williams will miss this one too.

...Game 7 tonight will decide whether the Washington Capitals will loosen the collar from their traditional "choking dog" status.  Meanwhile, another game seven will be played out by Carolina and New Jersey in their first round Stanly Cup playoff series.

...A belated Suttle World take on the NFL draft:  its over, good.  The event makes NECKCAR compelling in comparison.

...Speaking of NECKCAR, Suttle World is stunned at the footage of the spectacular wreck at the end of the race at Talladega last Sunday.  In super slow motion, Suttle World watched the crowd, and didn't see a single one flinch when a "car" went hurtling towards the grand stands at 200 MPH.  Those that seemed to react at all lurched forward to get a better look.  Mix in at least a blink for God's sake.

April 27, 2009    HeadOn! apply directly to the...nevermind

...A US research team may be soon ready to bring to market what is basically a Viagra cream.  The findings were released after experiments on laboratory animals.  Of the seven rats treated by the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York, five showed signs of arousal, according to results presented to the American Urological Association (AUA).  Suttle World is first filled with  wonder at the technique used in measuring the arousal factor of rats, and if the same dude who extracts genetic material from pigs by hand (as previously highlighted on Suttle World), checked out the rats following an application of the big ole throbbin' boner cream.  Second, and much more importantly, Suttle World wishes the drug makers great success, but DO NOT advertise this product on TV!  "Just a little dab will do ya'," or "yabba- dabba-doo." if the gentle surfer prefers.

...Suttle World is still not buying into the swine flu panic, for a number of reason, of which some were discussed in yesterday's update.  Regardless, the virus has claimed over 100 lives in Mexico, and, in that context, makes the photograph shown on the right just that---photography.  Its a Pulitzer nominee in Suttle World's view.  Its not a picture, its photography that tells much more than a thousand words.  Suttle World can find no attribution for the photograph at this writing.

...Authorities in Puerto Rico have found two tourists from Atlanta who were forced to spend the night in a rainforest after getting lost in El Yunque.  "Ethel kept insisting that we were just outside of  Norcross," said one of the women, who added that their rescue was in large part due to directions received from Pasqual Perez who they encountered during their outing.

...Props to the Capitals/a/k/a "choking dogs," who forced a deciding game seven with a win over the Rangers in Madison Square Garden yesterday afternoon.  The final game is set for DC Tuesday night.

April 26, 2009    "And then there's Maude"

...A sad AMF this morning to Bea Arthur. She was 86, and left this mortal coil yesterday at her SoCal home from complications of cancer. This woman was a giant (literally and figuratively)! Best supporting actress Tony (1966) from her run with Angela Lansbury in Mame, and a second career as one of the best comedic actresses in the history of television. She "made" her own spin-off, Maude, with a single appearance on All In The Family (it took a year to put it together, but Maude Finley soon/1972 had her own show, as would the Jefferson's and Good Times crew). Great run by a great broad.

...Quick and rare note on SOTD. The Danny of "Danny Says" is, of course, Danny Fields---the long time manager of the Ramones, and the guy who signed/discovered a few other acts in his career, like MC5, the Stooges, Blue Oyster Cult, et al (exponentially). Suttle World would very much like to spend a couple of hours basking in Mr. Fields' stories one evening at Manitoba's; and word on the street has it being a doable deal.

...Has not Suttle World repeatedly proclaimed from the mountain top of the second coming of Jimmy Carter? A potential swine flu pandemic causes many an elderly gentle surfers to reflect upon the last time the porcine passed contagion came this direction. It was 1976---the same year in which Jimmy Carter was elected president. Is the gentle surfer beginning to catch on, here? For the record, most survived the 1976 swine flu panic. A handful of folks did contract, and were ultimately killed by, Guillain-Barré syndrome (GBS) after being administered the first of the two shot/step protocol over several weeks. The mass, national vaccination program was halted, and, again, we all didn't die. This is not to make light of swine influenza. Its the same strain that killed tens of thousands in the 1918 pandemic---the reason why its highly unlikely to happen again, at least from swine flu. See, 20% of the gentle surfer's genetic material is viral, and the gentle surfer has both the each and every virus and antibodies built against same that mother and father of the gentle surfer carried at the time of the gentle surfer's conception. The moral of the story is to calm down about the swine flu thing, and lend a humping helping hand to building that damn fence along the Mexican border!

...The Hawks looked awful, and fall behind the Heat two games to one in their first round NBA Playoff series. Most disappointing, but far from a lost cause.

...Suttle World is pleased to announce that it may now play bumper pool at its leisure at the western NC satellite HQ. Official size and weight, Belgian made (in Suttle World's quest for the orbs, it discovered that if the gentle surfer's billiard gear isn't Belgian, it aint shit), bumper pool balls were awaiting Suttle World upon its arrival, and it is proud to announce a lifetime 2-0 mark recorded to date. Now acquainted with the manner in which an official game is played, Suttle World sees real competitive possibilities. The game itself is simply too stupid to be mastered by anyone---making the first timer immediately competent. Hey, the sucker weighs over 200 lbs, looks good, cost $60 (as opposed to a $5-600 MSRP), and didn't have to be put together.

April 25, 2009    "Just give me a sopor"

...The mountain air is comforting in its pre-dawn, spring coolness in and around the Suttle World western NC satellite headquarters this morning.  The tranquil setting is most enjoyable, but does not inspire Suttle World to its typical extended (Every Day Is) Saturday update; or maybe it'll turn out different.  Suttle World pecks.  The gentle surfer decides.

...A remarkably smooth 3 hour jaunt to the western NC HQ yesterday abruptly ended (the smooth part) upon arrival when the garage door refused to respond to the remote control.  Suttle World deduced that the battery in the remote was in an end-life situation, and being the dutiful male that it is, Suttle World pressed the remote much harder, because, as all penis wearers know:  pushing the remote harder squeezes the last little bit of energy from dying batteries.  The strategy proved unsuccessful, but Suttle World did notice on the very hard mashing that the remote's little red light was quite functional.   Bottom line:  no power.  No problem, its a vagary of mountain life.  The next logical step was to call Duke Power,  but Suttle World had no phone on which  to do so, and could not locate a neighbor at home, nor observe any use of electricity, but it was full sun at 1:00.  Suttle World heads back out, and soon encounters other nearby life forms who indicate that they are not without electrical service.  A very kind gentleman allows Suttle World to contact Duke Power, and the very nice young man at Duke Power explained that there were intermittent outages in the area, and inquired if "between 8-9:00 tomorrow morning would be OK for a service call?"  Suttle World was not as nice as the young man from Duke Power. "Sir, I'm very sorry, but we're booked solid today through midnight."  Suttle World advised the young man that it didn't give a damn, and to fix the freakin' power.  Now, kid!  Suttle World then proceeded to forage for supplies to survive the hour or two between nightfall and bedtime without electricity.  Upon arrival back at the retreat a couple hours later, there was juice o plenty to be consumed.  The moral of the story:  Suttle World is rather impressed with its play of the grumpy old man card yesterday, and looks forward to honing the skill now that Suttle World has reached the point where Centrum Silver is an appropriate multi-vitamin.

...Satellite radio or not, its always especially cool when one hears "Two Tub Man" "broadcast"---even 35 years after its release.  By legend, it was the first Dictators song written by Andy Shernoff, still closes every gig (or at least used to when The Dictators still did  such things), and the true identity of the Two Tub Man remains a mystery to this day.  The other guys say Andy won't tell them, and Andy refuses to give it up, despite conversational pleas from Suttle World.  No, its not Handsome Dick Manitoba.  It could be Richard Blum, but if the legend is chronologically correct, the song was composed long before Manitoba became a performing member of the band.

...There may well be pressing world events about which Suttle World should pontificate this morning, but its perusal of the Hendersonville Times-News while  enjoying the pleasant company of folks at the nearby Waffle House in the very early pre-dawn hours, revealed nothing that can't wait.  Same deal sports wise.  May God bless the "choking dogs" that are Suttle World's own short-bus boys, the Washington Capitals, who staved off early elimination from the Stanley Cup Playoffs for at least another game with a 4-0 win last night over the Rangers.  Now trailing the series three games to two, is it possible that the franchise that holds the patent on blowing 3-0 and 3-1playoff series leads possibly turn the tables this season?  The gentle surfer will be able to see for itself without having to find the Lumberjack Channel on their cable system, as game six will be telecast by NBC Sunday afternoon at 2:00.

...Meanwhile on the hardcourt, the Hawks and Heat resume play evening in Miami.  Tip off is 6:30 (EDT), and the third game of this first round series, knotted at one game each, will be found by the gentle surfer on TNT.

...A shout out to Wiffle Atlanta on this, the Opening Day of the 2009 season.  Hall of Famer Suttle World has been signed to a part-time contract in an effort to boost attendance, but will not be present for today's festivities.  More details to come regarding Suttle World and Wiffle.  Wiffle Atlanta news is always available at Commissioner Jordan's most impressive site/above links.

...Back to the sopor, and anxiously awaiting the arrival of Bride of Suttle World.  

April 24, 2009    Nephew Ridge begins final official teengenerate year

...The record will show that today marks nephew Ridge's completion of his 18th orbit of the sun/happy 19th birthday!

...Suttle World is easily amused.  Give Suttle World a table, wash cloth, bucket of water, and Speaker Pelosi in the same room, and what an even more wonderful spring weekend it would be.  Its not that Suttle World requires the Speaker to give up any intelligence (a fool's errand give the person in question)---it would just be fun.  Eat an Ollie, and waterboard the Speaker.  There is no doubt in Suttle World's mind that Speaker Pelosi poses a much greater threat to the Republic than any terrorist cell in Afghanistan.  Buildings can be rebuilt.  Rebuilding nations is tad more difficult task.

...On the other end of Pennsylvania Avenue, the first 100 days of the Obama administration have passed, and to mark the occasion, little Timmy Geithner may well be staring at security/bank fraud charges.  Sure, they're scary, but the gentle surfer has to admit that those gosh darn Democrats are a laugh riot.

...Today is as good a day as any for Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano to resign, or for her to invite a beat down from a group of troops returning from duty in Afghanistan or Iraq.

...The gentle surfer having a bad day may want to get in touch with Denver's Ashley Swedenson.  The mother to be was out on a short hike yesterday when she was joined by a bear.  Not wishing to make the bear's acquaintance, Ashley climbed a steep embankment onto a road where she was struck by a slow moving vehicle.  There were no apparent serious injuries, but Swedenson is being held in a Denver hospital for observation for a possible head injury---due to her statement that to honor the animal, that was euthanized after her ordeal, she was going to give her soon to be son the middle name of Bear.  Poor kid---doesn't even have a puncher's chance.

April 23, 2009    AMF GM

...In or about 1968, father of Suttle World purchased a used American Motors Corporation Rambler.  It was an awful car, but had some really neat options.  The one Suttle World recalls most clearly was the outside door "handles."  In order to open the door, one grasped the handle, and then pushed up on a metal plate beneath the handle to release the door.  It worked really well, except when the temperature dropped below 30°.  Under such conditions, performing the above described exercise resulted in severing the ends of one's fingers.  Over 40 years have passed since Suttle World had its digits reattached, and the Rambler is now reflected upon with laughter.  Why, just the mention of AMC can make many a gentle surfer chortle.  Suttle World is increasingly of the opinion that similar reflections will be made 40 years hence regarding Chevrolets, Cadilac's, Buicks and the like, as future generations retell the stories of their parents' purchases of GM automobiles back when they were still in business.  The former world's biggest car maker, cum health care provider, will not exist in any form the gentle surfer has to come and know in its lifetime within the next year or so.  Suttle World does not wish this was the case, but doesn't see an alternative.  For the record:  Suttle World has declared Chrysler dead at least twice in the past 30 years---pronouncements that reveal Suttle World to have all the insight into the car making business as former AMC management.

...Suttle World is duly impressed with the brand spanking new Gwinnett Stadium that was inspected yesterday along with the expert advice and counsel of nephew Ridge.  The newly relocated (from Richmond), long-time AAA, International League Braves affiliate is another story (for another day).  There are about 10 or so weekday afternoon (2:00) getaway home games on the schedule, and those are the ones the catch boys and girls.  Parking cost $3, and the $6 seat was less than 100' from first base (down the line).  Concessions aren't a bargain, but plentiful, and also features the Phil Niekro Lounge!  Unfortunately the PA announcement wasn't made until after Suttle World and nephew Ridge had consumed a couple of Chik-Fil-As that any patron purchasing a Phil Niekro Sandwich (bologna and American cheese on white bread)  from the aforementioned Lounge would be entered into a raffle to win an autographed Niekro ball at the end of each game.  Alas, Suttle World will live to nosh another day.  The new ball park holds about 10,000, cost $64 million to build, and was a lot of fun.  Then again, taking in free Babe Ruth League (13-17 year olds) ball on a sunny afternoon in a $2 lawn chair would do the trick just as well.  George Will can pick it up from here.

..."Well, it won't surprise you that I don't consider him a particularly reliable source of information," Secretary of State Clinton said of the former vice president yesterday in Congressional hearings.  Suttle World understands.  After all, former vice president Cheney is, no doubt, a part of "the great right wing conspiracy."  The gentle surfer will remember the "great right wing conspiracy" of which the then First Lady spoke after her "husband" was busted getting hummers from a 19 year old intern in the Oval Office, and subsequently committing the felony of perjury.  Well, it won't surprise the gentle surfer that Suttle World doesn't consider her a particularly reliable source of information.

April 22, 2009    Holy cow!

...Either Suttle World, due to its ever inept staff, was the last to know, or Suttle World is simply too easily amused.  17 year old, left handed pitcher, Patrick Schuster, of Mitchell High School in New Port Richie, FL has thrown FOUR CONSECUTIVE NO-HITTERS!  Listen to Suttle World!  The gentle surfer acts as though it hears this everyday!  Little dude tosses FOUR CONSECUTIVE NO-HITTERS!  OK, well the record is six, and held by a guy who now works for ESPN, so the streak has evidently received a fair amount of publicity prior to now (Suttle World is not a Sports Center devotee).  In his last outing, ing bonus and movie rights.

...How can that be followed?  Suttle World is aware of only one man with such courage.  Its the not so tall, dark or unfamiliar chap that the gentle surfer has come to know and love.  Of course, its cuzin Matt and another one of his stellar installments of Bruner's Texas Takes.

April 21, 2009    Orbit #51 underway

...Props to the worlds greatest wife, Bride of Suttle World, and nephew Ridge for all the fun and love visited upon Suttle World yesterday.  An appropriately lackluster day of this and that was concluded with a lovely repast prepared by the aforementioned Bride, and a good time was had by all.

...2,962 years ago today, Romulus and Remus found Rome, were suckled by some wolves, and the rest is history.

...Today's Drudge headline gives Suttle World pause for consideration.  Its not that the link to the story in the British tabloid The Sun reporting on an International Journal of Epidemiology article that declares fat folks are hastening the onset of global warming by breaking off bigger farts (methane---same deal as with the cows, only this time in human form) is particularly compelling in its stupidity.  The Suttle World Institute for Studying Really Stupid Stuff is accustomed to such august, peer-reviewed "research."  In this particular instance, of course, the government simply must step in, and stem the epidemic of obesity in the UK to reduce the volume of British farts so polar bears don't drown.  The public will want to downsize itself for other reasons, like, say to fit in the shoe box sized cars the governments all say we're going to have to drive in the name of the same noble cause.  Want a job?  Sorry, those plants were simply belching too many green house gasses into the sky, so the government had to shut them down.  Would the gentle surfer care to grab a rake, and discuss a public beautification position of employment with the federal government?  While we're at it, we can discuss all the food and housing regulations that currently exist, like say, the thousands of pages of federal regulations on mattresses.  The government's got your back, literally---from the bedding on which you awake, to the job you go to, to what you can and cannot eat, and so on, until the government is telling you when and how much you can fart.  The bottom line is that while all the conspiracy nuts are just that:  nuts, its a hell of a lot easier to understand why they are.  Get these spiders off of me!  Suttle World farts in regulator's general direction.

...Advocates for the legalization of marijuana were at again at their annual rallies on the not so clever date of April 20th (4/20---a number of true relevance for the drug, but few can recall the actual significance because they got stoned and forgot), and still come off like giggling, red-eyed teenagers on a Twinkie pilgrimage.  Another year, and Suttle World offers  the same advice.  Those who desire legalization need to kick all the medicinal usage and hemp crap to the curb.  Suttle World suggests that you start with the argument that you own your own bodies and, therefore, may decide for yourself what you will and will not put in it.  Game, set, and match---Rasta dude.

...The gentle surfer is warned that "news" coverage of Indian police investigating claims and counterclaims by the parents of a child star in "Slumdog Millionaire" regarding the father allegedly trying to sell the 9-year-old girl to an undercover reporter is simply a publicity stunt.  Its all contrived to generate hype for the movie's sequel---a remake of a Bond film to be titled "007-11." 

...How bad is the newspaper business?  Suttle World is glad the gentle surfer asked.  The newspaper business is sooooo bad that the New York Times won five Pulitzers yesterday---largely because of their coverage of the financial crisis that's going to make the Old Gray Lady follow in the footsteps of the Rocky Mountain News towards the great beyond.

...Props to the the Caps for finally getting a win in their first round Stanley Cup playoff series win against the Rangers Monday night.  Suttle World would also like to retract yesterday's claim that the Washington Capitals are the worst post-season franchise in the history of professional sports.  It would be much more accurate to term the Capitals as "choking dogs" (Tony Kornheiser, 2009).  The whole "worst ever" just opens a very ugly can of worms.  Regardless, the Caps will attempt to knot the series at 2-2 when they drop the puck Wednesday night in Madison Square Garden.

...In other sports news from the nation's capital, props to the Washington Natinals on their second win of the young MLB season yesterday over the Braves to push their record to 2-10.  Only in Washington, could a major league ball club take the field with the team name misspelled on every uniform.  "Natinals." This has nothing to do with government or politics---simply baseball in DC where the St. Louis Browns live on just like the adage:  "Washington, first in war, first in peace, and last in the Natinal League [now]."

...The final sports take of the day is a public service/heads up for the gentle surfer.  The Detroit Lions unveiled their new logo yesterday.  At this writing, lines in front of sporting good stores are only 50-75 deep, as fans wait for the new gear.  The gentle surfer is urged to hurry before its all gone.

April 20, 2009    Patriots Day and other commemorations 

...A happy Patriots Day to those who celebrate such things, particularly Suttle World's  cuzins in and around Bean Town.  As to those who took advantage of the holiday to don their Underoos and schlep a little over 26 miles...well, sounds like a personal problem to Suttle World.

...The new Yankee Stadium has a capacity of about 4,500 less than its predecessor, with the just opened version holding 52,325.  43,068 attended yesterday's game in the Bronx versus the Indians.  That's only 82% capacity on a Sunday afternoon in a brand new ball park located in the largest metropolitan area in the country, featuring the most famous franchise in the history of all professional sports (the one with the $400 million payroll).  Suttle World wonders if the fact that tickets at the new Yankee Stadium range from $14-2,625(a "decent" seat is at least $75-100) a throw explain why the turnstiles aren't whirling at George, Jr.'s desired pace?  Suttle World's two "front row" (literally, through down the first base line) for Wednesday afternoon's game at the brand new Gwinnett Stadium between the "brand new" Gwinnett Braves and Durham Bulls cost less than the cheapest ducat in NY.

...Whoever was screwing with the Suttle World webstats certainly did a stellar job.  The numbers have returned to their normal levels.  Last week's anomalous up tick remains a curiosity.

...More Ollie Burgers have been constructed and consumed.  Yesterday, Suttle World slaved in the test kitchens of Roberts/Suttle Manor---experimenting with Ollie methodology.  The ingredients/recipes have already been established as authentic, and require no amendment whatsoever.  Suttle World prepared four burgers last night, and a focus group, consisting of the three denizens of the Manor, embarked on Ollie noshing.  There was a consensus in this, honest to God, blind taste test.  The results are still being tabulated, but Suttle World has concluded two things:  1)  One cannot go wrong following the instructions verbatim.  2)  There is a means to increase the burger's Olliefication, without being overpowering.  All agreed that each sample was good, just as all agreed on the above mentioned findings.  More work on Olliestock I is underway.  Details to come.  Finally, though it was a test, yesterday was also the first time that Ollie Burgers and Ollie fries have been consumed simultaneously.  This, of course, was a cause for great joy.

...Props to Commissioner Jordan and much of the regular Wiffle Atlanta crew for some fun on the last day of Spring Training Sunday.  Opening Day for the 2009 campaign is next weekend.  In other Wiffle news, rumors have the Pirates signing Hall of Fame veteran Suttle World to a part-time player/consultant contract.  Neither the Pirate front office, nor Suttle World's agent, Dirk Bremen, was available for comment.  A source close to the story reports overhearing Suttle World grumble something about "getting a damn dinger after 50" or some such.  More details as they become available.

...The record will show that as of this morning, Suttle World will have completed its 50th orbit of the sun.   Yep, Suttle World, Hitler and the Columbine massacre---all April 20 anniversaries.  There are currently a number of items on the table that demand comment or further amplification upon by Suttle World, but filling out that AARP application may require a big chunk of the day.  Ergo, another truncated update.  

...The record will also show that the past weekend marked the second anniversary of Sen. Harry Reid (Idiot-NV) declaring that "the war [in Iraq] is lost."  Today, Nostradamus, Jr. remains the Senate MAJORITY LEADER.

April 19, 2009    Strange days indeed---most peculiar momma

Editors note:  The particular keyboard on which I am pecking away sucked straight out of the box many moons ago.  Its not the keyboard's fault, I'm a cheap ass, and I got my eight dollars worth, damn it; but now the "e" key is kinda stuck...  Bottom line:  there are most likely more faux pas than usual as a result, and it'll get better soon enough.  You're also reminded of a couple of the Suttle World House Rules:  1) Grammar, spelling and syntax police need not apply, and 2) Bus drivers must have exact change.

...Even by Suttle World standards the past couple of weeks have been quite the rollercoaster ride in Suttle World.  This all began over two weekends past, and has been one hell a ride through most of the many well stocked aisles of Suttle World.  So, this morning, without the time constraints of the past several days, it would seem to be an appropriate time to reflect upon the days gone by and update any dangling participants that have, no doubt, been left hanging.  It does not escape Suttle World that during this period, that Suttle World has come to, at first unwittingly, truly imitate what it has always set out to mock---that hideous, disjointed USA Today column by Larry King.  The hideous and disjointed parts were easy.  Writing them like Larry King with adult ADD on crack is quite another.  The gentle surfer is reminded that pointing and laughing are permitted only in designated areas.  For questions, please report to the Customer Service Booth at Aisle 119.

...But first, a brief check in with that whacky little thing many like to call reality.   The gentle surfer almost certainly remembers reality, it was once the a staple of these sage rants...

...Real World,  Take 1...Generally speaking the news agenda is quiet.  Too quiet, Slim.  Sure, the Great Depression continues.  Suttle World counted at least three dozen hobo encampments in its very limited outings Saturday.  The gentle surfer is warned that the following text contains graphic material, and is not suitable for all gentle surfers.  Surfing guidance is suggested.  Word on the street is that some folks have been compelled to go without water!  Well, nobody's exactly being ravaged by dehydration, but some have actually had to give up drinking water in bottles, at a price twice that of gasoline, and use the tap instead for sustenance.  Oh, the humanity!  Suttle World is also keenly aware that the gentle surfer that received a pink slip and warm hearty hand shake last Friday may not be amused.  For way too many, things are truly tough, thanks in large part to a bloated, out of control, growing ever larger, grotesque and obscene federal government.  Come to think of it, Suttle World has uplifting words for the righteously outraged gentle surfer that finds him or herself in dire circumstances as described above.  You're not alone.  In fact, judging by the turn out April 15, there are a lot of angry folks out there who are mad about the same things.  That my angry, frustrated, gentle surfing friend, is called a market.  Mine it, and prosper.  Giving away big buck ideas.  Where else, not counting the federal government, but Suttle World can the gentle surfer get such a value on the web?

...Real World, Take 2...The high stakes, piracy saga continues on the seas off the African coast, and would be of really great concern, if it weren't such a big, gosh darn ocean, making it really tough to get good, compelling video, and, of course, if there's no good video or pics, its not really a news story.  The trailer fire last night in Lilburn, well, that's real news, defined as a happening with the capacity for "team coverage."  Throw in the fact that it is a Sunday, and Suttle World feels pretty comfortable in calling it a wrap for this brief, but reasonably thorough, trip down the news/real world aisle.  This is akin to the semi-quick trip to the supermarket in which the gentle surfer pushes its cart across all the floor space, but may well still be able to check out in the Express Line with a clear conscience. 

...Not that anyone is going to be swayed---well, maybe a few who are still seeking can use it for consideration.  Any gentle surfer that had any doubts that the perhaps clichéd notion of the "left wing media bias" being fact, need only look at the coverage (or, more importantly, the lack thereof) of last week's "tea parties."  Compare it to coverage of an anti-war rally during the past administration, and get back to Suttle World if the gentle surfer disagrees with the aforementioned premise.  It was the most valuable lesson to come from the gatherings.

...Sports...The gentle surfer will remember sports as being another staple of Suttle World; and what with the Stanley Cup and NBA playoffs underway, and baseball's opening day a week into the rear view mirror, there would seem to be a lot of catching up to do.  Suttle World expressing a need to catch up on a hell of a lot of sports news in sixth graph of today's update pays $14.20 $9.80 and $5.70.  The carryover for today's Suttle World Pick Six is $247,846 (graphs 2-7).  Again, this is like a brisk walk down the aisle to pick up a few necessities until payday/Suttle World will do a little more detail in the following days.  Let's do em one at a time...

...Soon to be among the elderly, Suttle World already shares a frequent mindset of the geriatric set that often believes anything that happened in its own lifetime to be contemporary, and difficult to judge in the bigger scheme of things because of its short existence.  Such is the case with Suttle World and his "beloved" Washington Capitals.  At its core, Suttle World still thinks of them as a loveable expansion franchise (hell, Suttle World has some degree of that same feeling towards any of the non original six), but the fact of the matter is they are finishing up their 35th year in the NHL, or 38% of the leagues history, having entered in 1974 along with the dreaded Kansas City Scouts cum Colorado Rockies cum the current New Jersey Devils.  God, the Scouts were awful, not just expansion bad, but like Clippers/Lions bad, and the Capitals followed in their footsteps, except they stuck in the nation's capital (sorta---for the first 30 years or so they played in Landover.  Just follow that road 37 miles, and take a right at East Fumbuck.  You can't miss it.).  Regardless, the Capitals under the steady stewardship of Abe Pollin (the Rankin Smith, Jr. of hockey) eventually got things turned around (and sold) to become a perennial playoff team/the upper 50 percentile of the league.  This began with the first trip to the Stanley Cup playoffs in the 1982-83 season, and in the 25 seasons that have followed, the Caps have qualified 21 times.  The point being, there is more than enough data for Suttle for to assert with great confidence that the null hypothesis can be disproved with regard to a statistical analysis showing the Capitals to suck more than any franchise in the history of professional sports post season play.  Rangers lead the first round series over Washington 2-0. And it (hideous/Jean van de Velde like Caps playoff hijinks) always comes right around tax day, and car tag buying time---the trifecta from hell.  Well, that's one of 32 pro NHL and NBA playoff teams down.  All other NHL first round series appear to be going according to Hoyle/Cherry, with the most notable item being that it would appear as though the Blackhawks may actually advance!  Tony Esposito must be proud.  Sing it now:  "Chicago!/Chicago!/The losingest town./The losingest town."

...The NBA playoffs got underway Saturday, and the "upset" of the day is oxymoronic.  With Garnett gone, the Celtics are just another eastern conference team.  Just ask the Bulls who now hold a 1-0 lead after yesterday's win in Boston.  The Hawks and Heat get started tonight at 8:00 at Philips.  Should the Hawks prevail, they most likely will have an easier go of it in a second round match up.  Suttle World is on the record from several months ago declaring  (and too lazy this morning to scour the archives for the quote) that this could be the year the Hawks screw up and finally make it to a conference final series---an accomplishment never seen in this, the 40th season for the Hawks in Atlanta.

...The Atlanta Braves were quick out of the gate, but have fallen back in the pack courtesy of a six game losing streak that was extended last night by the Pirates (good day for the Burgh of Pitt, what with a Pens playoff win and all).  Suttle World is ashamed to admit that it probably could not name more than 8-10 players on the current roster (many more would be recognized, but only when prompted)---an issue to be remedied in the coming week.  Meanwhile, despite what may have been erroneous reporting by Suttle World, the "new"/formerly Richmond Braves had their home opener Friday, where the AAA Braves affiliate remain winless in two games against Norfolk.  Suttle World has both good seats and a date with nephew Ridge to behold the new spectacle this coming Wednesday afternoon when the home team plays a 2:00 getaway game against the Durham Bulls.  The game will be played in the just completed and conspicuously unnamed "Gwinnett Stadium" at Exit 115/Hwy 20 off of I-85---offering all the coziness/congestion of Calcutta without the cool stuff to eat.

...In Ollie news, there is none.  Saturday was preoccupied with nothing in particular, but none of those activities (or lack thereof) involved Ollie, excepting a brief ingredient re-stocking errand, and some continuing administrative work on Olliestock I---coming to the Oliver G. Gleichenhaus memorial dining hall of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor at the end of April.  Official invitations are forthcoming.  There will be a very limited number of media credentials available to members of the working press, and negotiations regarding satellite parking and shuttle service are underway.  Today, well now that's a different story.  Ollies will be created, as will Ollie fries.  It will be the first time the true talents of the test kitchens of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor will have been put to the test in Suttle World's Olliefication of the nation.  The previous successful attempt was merely the assembly of ingredients, and following directions as exactly as possible to gain a baseline.  Mission accomplished.  Now its on to the experimentation stage in an attempt to further Ollify the burger.  Updates tomorrow.

...The webstats are finally in, and traffic has diminished to more understandable levels in Suttle World.  The literally parabolic increase in gentle surfers during the early part of the week (Monday-Wednesday) remains unexplained.

...Shout out to cuzin Bubs, who along with Wife of Bubs and #2 son Alec are destined for a week of vacation bliss in the Turks and Ciacos (disputed spellings).  Suttle World is hard pressed to imagine those more deserving of basking in the exotic, sunny warmth of their own good works.

...Crank up Suttle World Travel again, or at least look for same coming to a browser near the gentle surfer soon.  Obviously updates are required as the Suttle World Summer Adventure Tour 2009 is beginning to take shape.  Its called a tease boys and girls---a pathetic attempt generate continuing traffic to the Suttle World for reasons, just like the site itself, of which Suttle World has no understanding of whatsoever.

April 18, 2009    Every Day is Saturday Cheesy TV Theme SOTD "fixed"

...Ooops!  A little housekeeping first.  Suttle World began the burgeoning tradition of featuring a special Every Day is Saturday Cheesy TV Theme SOTD on a weekly basis a couple of months ago, and abandoned the project (imagine that---Suttle World not quite getting around to "it").  Last Saturday, the drill was resurrected, and in doing so, Suttle World is mortified to learn this morning that the gentle surfer has been greeted with the "The Courtship of Eddie's Father" that has been running ever since on the SOTD page.  Suttle World has admonished the ever inept staff, and extends its most sincere apologies to the multitudinous gentle surfers that have visited Suttle World this week.  Today's SOTD may not be a true theme song, but it certainly is well within the boundaries of the spirit of Saturday morning TV.

...Its an atypically busy Saturday morning for Suttle World and each of the denizens of Stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.  The result is an abbreviated update, especially by Saturday standards.

...The conviction and sentencing of an American journalist by Iran may well have crossed the proverbial line in the sand.  And your Commander in Chief is...  well, we shall see.

...No webstats yet for Thursday, so Suttle World is unaware if traffic in Suttle World continues to rise at an exponential level.  If its Ollie Burger news that is drawing the many new and very much welcome gentle surfers, the latest is that several hours will be devoted this weekend to further work in the test kitchens of both stately Roberts/Suttle Manor and the western NC satellite HQ of Suttle World.  Check back with Suttle World for updates as they develop.  This weekend, the entire #1 Suttle World Ollie Meal will be assembled for the first time, as burger meets fry (Al Ciraldo would be proud).

...Though yesterday's tease of a late update was never realized, the same possibility exists today, after Suttle World dispenses with its Every Day is Saturday am duties.

April 17, 2009    The hits just keep on coming

...It just keeps getting Faster and Louder.  Suttle World's webstat reports for any given day are usually available/emailed by mid-afternoon of the following day.  This week, the reports are running about 12 hours or so late, and maybe that explains why Suttle World had 143 "unique visits" Wednesday, April 15.  There were 101 such visits Tuesday, and 71 on Monday.  Suttle World brings these numbers to the gentle surfer's attention only because of the very predictable number of unique visits to Suttle world on any given weekday is 12-14.  And now its up 1000% this week, on a consistently rising, exponential curve!!?  Suttle World can only conclude three possible explanations for this, to date, unexplained phenomenon:  1)  Google has a problem, and has miscounted the number of visitors to Suttle World for THREE consecutive days.  2)  Some not so gentle surfer is f'ing with Suttle World to purposely skew the numbers, and make Suttle World nuts(tier).  or 3)  Suttle World's heralding the second coming of the Ollie Burger has packed the house.  There's been no email.  They come.  They look.  They leave.  Austria, Japan, Germany, Australia and more.  Who they is?

...In other Ollie news...let the heavens sing once again!  First, memo to angelic choir:  stop the whining!  Moses lumbers around in the desert for 40 years, and he gets on the Mt. Rushmore of Bibleland.  Suttle World is nearing the end of a 35 year sacred quest here.  Suttle World isn't Jonsing for sainthood, but you'll sing the "ah-ahhh" heavenly chorus thing on cue (or is it que?---Suttle World is always confused (about this word too), but its easier to type the realization of the possible error as opposed to looking it up), and without any complaint!  Suttle World is doing its job.  Now you do yours.  OK, the heavens have belted out the chorus, and Suttle World is proud to announce the arrival of the secret Ollie fries spice mixture!  As advertised by the truly saintly soul who has posted the recipes, this proprietary product is the real deal.  Suttle World took possession of the mixture from the United Parcel Service yesterday.  Suttle World later drove to the nearby MacDonald's---a mere mile from stately Roberts/Suttle Manor, went inside, and was cheerfully assisted by an employee who indulged Suttle World's self admitted whacky request for three orders of fries, unsalted and straight from the fryer.  Suttle World said it would wait patiently, and was accommodated just as asked.  Props to nice MacDonald's lady.  Less than five minutes later, the warm fries were divided into two piles at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor, and doused with the "salt free" spice mixture (there is some sodium, but salt is not an ingredient per se---Suttle World sprinkled salt on one pile, and it is superior---just a tad), and ITS REAL FREAKIN OLLIE FRIES!!!!!!!  Bride of Suttle World:  "That's an Ollie fry.  Its cold, but that's an Ollie fry."  Suttle World has started a new Ollie page to accommodate some of the presumed cyber pilgrims.  Welcome all to Suttle World !

...The pressing Friday morning duties of Suttle World necessitate a truncated update this morning.  The gentle surfer is invited to check back early and often, as Suttle World may well enjoy the luxury of a second edition of today's Suttle Security Council Daily Briefing.

April 16, 2009    Who are you!?

...This is getting really creepy.  It was statistical or technological glitch on Monday when email service was disrupted for much of the country because of multiple DNS server failures (this according to Bride of Suttle World who is fluent in such things), right?  The 72 unique PCs from around the planet that visited Suttle World Monday was six time its very predictable traffic level.  Tuesday, the number rose to 101 unique visits.  Sup with that?  The gentle surfer will note that Suttle World has reinstated the flashing Ollie sign on the home page; and will watch, and report.  Also, added today is the nephew Ridge graduation countdown clock.  Spiffy, no? (shut up)  Welcome to all new gentle surfers!  Just make yourself at home, and check stuff out (some really cool stuff is hanging around Suttle World, even if most all does require some touch up or update.  As always, Suttle World is available via email.  Just click here.

...Yo ho ho, and a bottle of dumb.  Suttle World understands that many have just paid ransom to Somali pirates as simply a cost of doing business---much like the candy store owner paid protection/extortion money to the mob BITD.  Suttle World must just be dumber than dirt to not understand why these vessels are not armed to the teeth or escorted in convoy by other boats with more firepower than the Russian navy (or at least more than some Somali teenagers).  Its gotta be cheaper, and a hell of a lot more fun.

...Suttle World is mildly encouraged at those who did it in the road at various "tea party" rallies yesterday, but is far from hopping on the bandwagon.  Suttle World heard a lot of people of all stripes that were mad as hell, and not going to take it anymore.  Unfortunately, none knew exactly at what they were angry, nor a clue of what to do.  Suttle World heard a lot of, "stop all that taxing, spending, bailing-out, and make sure my Social Security check shows up on time, damn it!"  As opposed to singing the hymn again, the gentle surfer is directed to yesterday's rant regarding the federal income tax.  Get these sheeple behind the Fair Tax, and there's actually a puncher's chance of getting something of positive import accomplished.  Suttle World continues to be the dutiful Lassie---an onus to be sure, but its gotta get done.  Suttle World also understands that many cannot be bothered with the survival of western civilization as we know it while American Idol is in mid-season.

...The Texas angle to this TBD "story" is interesting.  Governor Perry has quite rightly reminded all that Texas may secede from the union by virtue of the treaty by which it was admitted into the US as a sovereign nation state in 1845 (unique among the other several states).  Another really cute provision of that treaty gives Texas the authority (via action of the state legislature) to divide itself into five separate states.  That, boys and girls, would add eight Senate seats from the same geographical area now apportioned two!  Not only is Suttle World scintillating, it also sets a mean table.  Of course its time for another stellar installment from cuzin Matt of Bruner's Texas Takes

April 15, 2009    Torch and pitch fork day

...Most returns have long since been filed electronically, but April 15th is an annual reminder of the tyranny of the majority that is the the federal tax code.  The best single remedy for the current economic woes of the United States and assurance for a long term continuation of the Republic itself is the repeal of the Sixteenth Amendment of the Constitution, and the resultant elimination of the federal income tax.  The current tax code requires 70,000 pages----five times the length of the Bible!  Corporations are "taxed" at a stunning 35% (one more time, damn it---businesses don't pay taxes!  They merely collect them and pass the cost along in the form of higher prices, lower wages or lower returns to investors)---the second highest in the developed world.  On the individual level, the current system is indeed progressive with the top 5% of income earners, that make approximately 20% of all income, paying 40% of all federal income tax!   The bottom 50% of earners pay only 5% of the income tax collected!  More man hours are spent complying with the tax code than are worked in the entire state of Indiana in any given year!  In its place, of course, comes the Fair Tax.  It is the most researched piece of legislation ever introduced in Congress by a factor of five, and Suttle World believes it to be the only salvation for our cherished Republic.  Many gentle surfers are already true believers.  Suttle World has yet to meet anyone, who after coming to understand the Fair Tax, doesn't think its the best idea since bread---never mind the slicing part (gluten adverse cuzin Matt is free to insert a more agreeable metaphor).  As a service to the gentle surfer, the gentle surfer's economic well being, the nation's economic well being, and that of future generations, Suttle World implores the gentle surfer not familiar with the proposal to familiarize itself with the plan.  There will be no United States of America as we know it in 50 years without immediate, radical action in this direction.  Suttle World asks little, and gives much.  How many Ollie Burgers has the gentle surfer cranked out lately?  For the love of God and all that is good and righteous, PLEASE, PLEASE devote 15 minutes to get up to speed on the Fair Tax, and the another 30 minutes and $20 at the nearby Home Depot for a torch and pitch fork.  Extraordinary citizens courageously settled and fought for the independence of our country.  It will take extraordinary citizens to now make Washington work for its citizens, as opposed to the current paradigm in which citizens are literally enslaved/work by/for the federal government.  Yes, there is the Mit)h factor.  For the gentle surfer who is unfamiliar, the Mit)h factor is a calculation handed down from the ancients, the product of which has failed to change since first discovered.  Basically, 87.5% of the American public is dumber than dirt, but they can make for some damn good sheep if herded in the proper direction.  Suttle World---America's last Lassie.  Seriously, please read up on this---the Fair Tax.  Suttle World doesn't use much bandwidth to lecture on dental hygiene or other preventative health matters, but this is every bit as vital as regular mammograms, or digital prostate exams for the guys, regardless of the discomfort (and there's no discomfort here, unless a little reading and thinking are found to be uncomfortable). It really matters.  It really really matters to the coming generations.  This, honest to God, is, for the children.  Mercifully, Suttle World has run out of words.

...Almost...Traffic on Suttle World Monday was SIX TIMES its very predictable, typical level.  Anomaly or Ollie Burger?  Its got to be one or the other---working under the assumption that few new gentle surfers dialed in for Suttle World's lame take on the Masters.

...Almost (x2)...Suttle World has attended the final two Hawks regular season games over the course of five days.  Last night it was an UGLY win between the benches of both Atlanta and Miami.  The AP lead on the story appropriately reads:  "ATLANTA (AP) Mario West blew a dunk. Speedy Claxton threw up an airball on a free throw. And Miami missed five shots on a decisive possession."  D Wade was declared inactive (he was tired from dropping 55 on the Knicks Saturday), and unfortunately didn't dress.  Suttle World really wanted to catch just 10 minutes or so of the very arguable MVP this season  Regardless, major props to Rhodvil for the ducats and fellowship with his son, Evan, last night with Suttle World and Bride of Suttle World.  Same teams, same Bat Station for game one of their first round playoff series Saturday night.  Memo to the Hawks:  Suttle World is 3-0 on the season, including a win over LeBron and company.  You do the math, and email Suttle World here at your earliest convenience regarding playoff tickets.  The 200 level, in the corners seem to work really well.

April 14, 2009    Vermont atwitter 

...Although they don't know exactly when, the 3,100 residents of Underhill, VT (a megalopolis relative to the Suttle World western NC satellite HQ that sports a population of 1,100) are rightfully giddy in anticipation of Capt. Richard Phillips' return.  The AP story this morning said the rescued sea captain's homecoming would be celebrated "Vermont style."  Suttle World has no idea what that means, and quite likely does not wish to learn.  Regardless, some of the details of  last week's  drama on the high seas are beginning to filter through.  Props starts at the top with President Obama for his "do what you have to" orders.  Its not exactly a Clint Eastwood line, but the end result is that all Americans are safe and three pirates are still running around like Somalis with their heads "blown clean off."  OK---the guy Suttle World trashed after dismissing the silly stories yesterday, has shown some nad that many doubted he possessed.  Now, Mr. President, if you could just organize a search and rescue team for those 6,000 missing points from the DOW, the nation would be forever grateful.  Oh, and an end to the big time tax and spend policy would be nice too.

...AMF to legendary music producer and bad hair promoter Phil Spector who was found guilty Monday of second-degree murder in the February 2003 shooting death of actress Lana Clarkson.  Phil was tried a second time for the shooting at his California home after a jury failed to reach a unanimous verdict/mistrial in 2007.  Spector faces 15 years to life, and is being held without bail pending his sentencing that is scheduled for May 29.

...The gentle surfer will note a new Suttle World feature debuting today---its the Tucker High School 2008-9 academic year countdown.  29 "school days" remain out of a total of 39 actual rotations of the planet for nephew Ridge before the curtain falls on  his senior year May 22.  Graduation details TBA.  "Courage."

...The face (and body) that launched a thousand zillion spermazoa, porn star Marilyn Chambers, was found dead in her Los Angeles home yesterday.  She was 56, and the cause of death remains unknown pending an autopsy.  As an aside, Suttle World points out that the title "porn star" applied to Chambers, who became a household name following the incredibly successful Behind The Green Door's release in the 70s.  That said, what Suttle World doesn't understand is why everyone who appears in a skin flick is coined a porn star.  There have to be some extras, or a few that had short (__________ "insert" joke here---damn, I'm funny) careers, but, NO, they're all "porn stars."  Another Marilyn (McCoo) sang it best:  You don't have to be a star, baby/To be in Suttle World's show.

...Spanish police have arrested a man following a traffic stop in which his two children were found riding in the trunk along with the luggage.  Suttle World understands that ignorance of the law is no excuse, but who knew?  A defense fund has been established by fellow beleaguered parents. 

...The record will show that 97 years ago tonight, the RMS Titanic struck an iceberg in the north Atlantic.  1,517 perished in the disaster.  A tragedy to be sure, but Suttle World has never "gotten" the fascination surrounding the boat with which so many others are obsessed.  Suttle World doesn't find a plate recovered from the Titanic to be any more fascinating than one from a fishing troller that may have sunk in the Gulf of Mexico.  Both have a definite cool factor (CF), but not high enough to merit Suttle World paying $20 to stand in line three hours for the viewing of a saucer.

...At this writing the University of North Carolina Tar Heels are still the NCAA basketball champions, and will remain so for the next 11 months at the very least.

April 13, 2009    Phillips freed

...Capt. Richard Phillips is a free man this morning, following his rescue by US Navy SEALs from Somali pirates who had held him captive for five days.  Next stop for the Vermont based mariner is at his new agent's office to ink a well deserved, big buck deals for book and movie rights to his story---a story of piracy on the high seas in 2009!  Suttle World "gets it" with regard to how this can happening in the "modern world," but the notion is difficult to imagine.  Suttle World  would never second guess the heroic rescue, but it also confesses concern about the fate of the next Americans taken captive in the Indian Ocean.  Following days of negotiations, Phillips was set free in a small raft, and the four of the five pirates had just enough time to say, "gee, that's what my brain matter looks like," as Navy snipers immediately perforated their craniums.

...The third of 2009's five High Holy Days of Sport lived up to the billing yesterday with one of the most exciting Masters finishes that Suttle World can recall.  Props to Angel Cabrera for capturing his first ugly (very large) green jacket---the second major of the Argentinean's career.  Various news organs can do a much better job of recapturing the action for the gentle surfer who did not watch.  Suttle just enjoyed the hell out of viewing the event with Bride of Suttle World and cuzin Bill, who becomes...

...The third of three mouth holes that agree that Suttle World has re-created THE Ollie Burger with absolute authenticity.  Unfortunately, the digital imaging gear at Suttle World HQ has been relegated to the roll of battery de-charger, and no pics of the burger, and its openly weeping consumers were captured.  Ollie lives in Suttle World!  This has caused incontinence in the few true believers.  Cuzin Paul is set to make a pilgrimage to Ollie Land towards the end of April.  There shall be copious Ollie Burgers, AND OLLIE FRIES!  Appropriate wrappers for the sacred sandwich should have been printed and shipped by that date as well.  The gentle surfer that wishes to cook along at home can find the recipe, but, no link for you!  Suttle World searched 35 years.  The gentle surfer that has waited as long, can email Suttle World for hints.

...STOP!  Enough with the gratuitous Obama bashing!  Instead of looking for every dig that can be highlighted by the "great right wing conspiracy" in the form of the First Lady having a make-up artist, or the arrival of a damn dog.  First, these are real people, with two delightful kids.  All of this, in any context, is wasting persuasive capital.  This is the guy that wants to emulate socialized health care systems in which a quarter of cancer patients die before being seen by an oncologist!  This guy is spending and taxing the nation beyond the abyss!  Save the daggers for the stuff that really counts!  Ted Kennedy's dog doesn't.  Hell, Ted Kennedy doesn't either.

...Belated props to the Terriers of Boston University for their thrilling win of this year's NCAA hockey championship Saturday.  BU scored twice in the last minute of regulation to send the game into a sudden death overtime that the would end about seven minutes into the extra period.  BU 4   Miami (OH) 3  (OT).

April 12, 2009    Houston, burger base here.  The Ollie has landed (Easter Sunday)

...The record will show that on Saturday, April 11, 2009, Suttle World successfully created an exact replica of the world famous Ollie Burger.  This leaves little time for the Sunday update, as Suttle World must assist the staff in the test kitchens of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor to handle the volume of pilgrims who began arriving soon after the news broke last night.  Fry seasoning to be in hand within a few days.  The term exact above is just that---not a reasonable facsimile thereof,  a real freakin OLLIE BURGER!

...Suttle World extends its most sincere best wishes for a glorious Easter for the Christian gentle surfer.

...With regard to the third of the year's five High Holy Days on the Suttle World sports calendar for this year:  res ipsa loquitor.  The final round of the Masters is just gonna be fun to watch.  CBS cranks up the signal at 2:00 (EDT).  The Golf Channel will be peeking through knotholes until then.

April 11, 2009    Ollie's code broken!

...The credit goes to cuzin Bill.  The site has been found, and a 30 year quest for the Ollie Burger recipe has been found!  With fries to boot!  We now know the "secret" seasoning for the fries, and at this writing it is being shipped by armored car from Texas where it is concocted.  More importantly, from marinade to sauce, the code has been broken!  Grown men are weeping openly in the streets in anticipation of the first assemblage that may well occur today or Sunday.  A more befitting repast for the third High Holy Day on the 2009 Sports calendar, and that Easter thing, is difficult to imagine.  Suttle World can't help with the fries until the aforementioned delivery, but the burgers are doable with a quick trip to the local grocer.  The Ollie Burger, of course, is the world's greatest hamburger, and was a dietary staple through the 70s, before the little trolleys closed, selling the rights to the hideous Lum's chain before they, themselves died.  An Ollie Burger was an absolute must have if one were going to...

...Say like, a Hawks game with cuzin Larry.  By our own recollection, we practice this NBA ritual with one another every 35 years or so whether needed or not.  The last game we could remember attending together featured Pete Maravich.  The Hawks win a true game of beauty (especially at this point in the season), 122-118 over the Pacers.  Josh Smith put up an impressive 30, and big Al Horford collected a double, double by the half.  Yes, defense was actually played too.  It was just a really entertaining NBA game.  With the win, the Hawks clinch home court advantage for their upcoming first round playoff series against Miami.

...Cuzins Moke and Bill are scheduled to be hurtling east through the pre-dawn Georgia darkness at this writing---destined for Augusta National and attendance of the third round of the Masters.  They cranked this puppy up 75 years ago.  The math is easy in Suttle World this morning.  The second round was spectacular!  AMF to Gary Player, Fuzzy Zoeller and Greg Norman who played their last rounds ever at Augusta National yesterday (OK---Norman could screw up and win again).  Each is an honorable mention for the Mt. Rushmore of golf (Jones, Palmer, Nicklaus and Wood).  Meanwhile on the leaderboard, Chad Campbell returned to earth with a mere 70 to continue to hold the lead by a single stroke heading into moving day, where 28 players are within 8 shots of the lead.  Tiger is 7 back, and tees it up today at 1:05.  CBS  begins coverage at 3:30 (EDT).

...Memo to all ancients mentioned above and elsewhere:  WSB-TV has just aired video from a David Coleman of Marietta.  The "footage" is of severe weather from yesterday, and was transmitted via Skype.  Just an FYI that dovetails with a recent report from Bride of Suttle World that the David Coleman had been "found" on one of the several classmate sites.  The Phenix Rising core can be assembled, Coleman can get the gig, and Suttle World can buy the ticket.

April 10, 2009    Very good Friday

...Well, pass a slab of fecal matter (Suttle World could just write shit a brick, but finds the tenor of Suttle World to be a tad on the course side recently, and, consequently, is attempting to refrain from publishing any more naughty words than necessary)!  A very rich and filling Thursday is followed by a startling, yet welcome, 5,000 calorie item from a Friday morning desert cart in the form of a blast from the past email.  If only Paul Harvey could have lived long enough to see and report on these events...

...First things first.  If St. Christopher still counts (if not, substitute the dashboard deliverance device D'jour) may he bless cuzin Matt, who at this writing, is scheduled to be a couple hundred miles into his 14 hour return home to Texas .  Its the second consecutive marathon for the slumlord, who just completed a full week of the honest to God knuckle busting work that is the vagary of being a real estate magnet/maggot.  The Bruner was an honored guest at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor last night, especially given his fatigue inducing routine.  But wait!  After confirming with Matt, Suttle World called the toll free number (just like the TV said to do), and at no extra cost, DOUBLED the fun.  Cuzin Bill was contacted, and quickly acquiesced to making an appearance.  This is not an unheard of gathering, but Suttle World must confess to making deliberate seating arrangements so that it could see the guitar wall sound of the late, great Phenix Rising sitting next to one another.  Bring on the Bubs, and a reunion of the core members seems like a logical extension.  Yet another project for the always tested Suttle World.  Regardless, a repast of pub grub at the nearby Taco Mac followed.  No news of any great import was shared, nor does Suttle World believe there were any profound pronouncements or recollections (aside from a brief rundown of the few competent faculty member at the Peachtree Gulag of many, many moons ago---a very short endeavor).  There was fine fellowship.

...It gets better.  Shout out to long lost radio buddy Russ, who was kind enough to break off a brief post yesterday.  It was the first contact in 25 years.  Among other notable achievements, Russ' employment status with Radio Retard inadvertently led to the longest game in the history of high school football.  Suttle World can testify to the record, as it was there, LIVE!----all 17 hours worth. 

...All this comes at the tail end of a week at the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite HQ, with both Suttle World and bride of Suttle World making the return jaunt in their respective vehicles Thursday afternoon.  Its been one hell of a week, and the hits just keep on coming...

...The Masters...Chad, WTF, Campbell set a record for Augusta National by birdying the first five holes he played yesterday, and had a legitimate shot at the course record of 63 (or even the all time record low round in a major at 62) before stumbling in bogie, bogie to eventually post a most impressive 65, and capture a one stroke lead.  Conditions were perfect, and the field took full advantage with 14 players shooting under 70.  Props to Greg Norman for his 2 under 70.  Rain is the order for today.  Early showers will give way to the potential for severe weather/thunderstorms.  Suttle World sets the line at 3:2 that the field does not complete the second round today.

...AMF to Bemidji (Cheesy) State and Vermont who fell to Miami (OH) and Boston University, respectively, Thursday evening in the semi final round of the 2009 NCAA Frozen Four.  The finals are set for Saturday night (7:00 EDT) at the MCI Center in Washington, DC.

...AMF to Dave Arneson, one of the co-creators of the Dungeons & Dragons fantasy game and a pioneer of role-playing entertainment, who died after a two-year battle with cancer Thursday.  He was 61, and with great irony, left this mortal coil before inventing a means for his adherents to get (real) lives of their own.

...The record will show that 12 Good Friday's past, Suttle World fractured his right fibula---embarking on a decade long odyssey with countless elements of the health care delivery system for a VERY slow but steady recovery.

...Suttle World is still getting up to speed on the whole pirate deal with the USS Bainbridge off the coast of Africa, and will withhold further comment until an appropriate rate of intellectual velocity is obtained.  It aint as easy as firing the Tomahawk missile at the rocket on the pad in North Korea would have been.  Welcome to the Oval Office, Mr. President.

...The Pet Shop Boys aren't going to show up on SOTD anytime soon, but props to the insufferable electro-pop has beens for declining PETA's request that the duo change the name of its act to one more animal friendly.

April 9, 2009    Travel Thursday...Its a travel Thursday in Suttle World---leaving only the obligatory updates this morning.  Meanwhile, that whacky little thing we here in the south call The Masters gets started in not so lovely Augusta, GA.

April 8, 2009    Helpful hints for Fidel and lots more

...An obligatory retort to the screaming Drudge headline of the morning...Seems as though Reps. Barbara Lee (D-Oakland), Bobby L. Rush (D-Ill.) and Emanuel Cleaver II (D-Mo.) had an audience with brother Fidel in Havana yesterday. Sources are reporting that during the meeting, that the formerly bellicose, bearded bully of the worker's paradise that is Cuba asked the Congressional delegation 'how can we help President Obama?"  Memo to Fidel: eat shit, and die. That would be a swell start. After completing the initial favor, we can get into more detailed discussions as to how you may lend the president further help. Thanks for asking.

..."The senior class that won more games in their four years than any team in Carolina history." So sayeth Coach Roy at the victory celebration for the 2009 NCAA basketball champion Tar Heels yesterday at the Dean Dome in Chapel Hill. Yes, it was a dull tournament by March Madness standards, but wait a decade, and reflection will leave many arguing that this was among the greatest college basketball teams ever. A final note: does the gentle surfer know what Dean Smith thinks about Carolina's title? Neither does Suttle World. Even immersed in the hoops crazed state doesn't yield any comment from Coach Smith. If there is a quote floating around out there, Suttle World will give 5:2 that it reads something like, "I'm especially excited for the seniors." The classiest run by arguably the greatest coach of all time continues.

...Speaking of best teams ever, the UConn babes stage a re-creation of Monday night's game in completing their perfect season by running Louisville out of the gym and capturing the women's NCAA hoops title last night in St. Louis. Suttle World has absolutely no idea as to why it read the score of the semi-final game incorrectly, and reported that Oklahoma had advanced. Congrats to the Huskies!

...While still in the sports aisle, Suttle World is proud to remember to give a heads up regarding this year's Frozen Four (also erroneously previously reported on by the increasingly NYT like Suttle World). This little gem is becoming increasingly popular, and will be played out in a major/big league arena again this year---skating on the ice at the MCI Center in the nation's capital. The semis start tomorrow at 5:00 when Miami (of Ohio---not the duh! once true, given the ACC holds the current title) takes on Bemidji (Cheesy) State. The nightcap is scheduled for 8:30, and features Vermont facing off against the only of the four seeded teams left in the tournament, #1 Boston University. If the gentle surfer watches only one hockey match in any given year, Suttle World highly recommends any or all of the three to be played today and Saturday (finals---Saturday 7:00) to be as good a choice as can be made. These kids sell it big time!---a little chippy here and there, but selling it big time!

...The above is not to give short shrift to the Masters that begins play tomorrow at Augusta National. The Par 3 tournament/kiss of death is today. The third of the five High Holy Days of Sport is Sunday when the final round coincides with Easter. More details as the weekend unfolds. Thursday is a travel day for Suttle World, so a real break down probably will not show up until Friday, and appropriately so---there's nothing to discuss until some scores have been posted (who, what, when, etc...). Tiger v. the field? Again, until they tee it up... Cuzin Moke has expressed a wagering interest in keeping the Paddy Slam in tact, and at 15:1 (the line Suttle World finds at this writing), Suttle World cannot disagree. A final note about the subject not being discussed is that Suttle World found Gary Player's remark that the Tiger Slam, at the age of 24, was among the greatest achievement in the history of sports to be remarkable. Again, Suttle World is hard pressed to disagree.

...Tough day for the market. Is a bull market rally over? Suttle World hasn't checked the charts and graphs, but is willing to speculate that there was some profit taking yesterday on computer trading, just so everyone could enjoy making a profit as a pleasant change of pace. Futures are down slightly at this writing.

...Though it wasn't really necessary (research indicates the market would have worked things out by itself), by most accounts the "S&L crisis" of the late 80s was handled reasonably well, especially by government standards. The Resolution Trust Corporation did its job, and exists no more. Suttle World can only surmise that it, like its great unwashed brother and sister gentle surfers, just isn't smart enough to understand the current banking crisis. As a result, Suttle World won't even suggest that the aforementioned RTC, that disposed of bad real estate deals, as a model for the current circumstances. Seriously, the gentle surfer is admonished that such things are so complex that they are not only best handled by, but should only be handled by properly trained bureaucrats, Congressmen and remarkably smart and well educated MBAs. DO NOT TRY IDIOTIC MULTI-TRILLION DOLLAR GOVERNMENT BOONDOGGLES AT HOME!!!

...For the record, yes the Roy Loney of Roy Loney and the Longshots/today's SOTD artist is the former founding member of the Flamin' Groovies. Cool stuff for the punkaholic---the nice kind/just sounds like rock n roll to me/no safety pins required.

...Last, but certainly not least...The record will show 35 years ago tonight that Henry Aaron, the greatest player in the history of baseball, turned on an Al Downing fastball, and hit the 715th home run of his career---passing Babe Ruth as the all time home run leader. Aaron would retire with 755. Suttle World is most confident the gentle surfer knows who the current home run champion is, regardless of a glitch in some data here and there.

April 7, 2009     UNC CHAMPIONS!  Joyous anomalous Monday

...The University of North Carolina was the unanimous choice as the #1 team in the nation by every pre-season poll, publication and web site of note with which Suttle World was familiar before play began last November. Last night the Tar Heels proved the conventional wisdom to be correct beyond a shadow of a doubt as Carolina built a double digit lead several minutes into a "game" that they would never relinquish. Such a realization (conventional wisdom) counts as anomaly number one. Number two is the blow out manner in which Carolina won the contest. There are countless moments of disappointment and exhilaration in the many decades of the storied history of UNC basketball, but easy is not an element with which ardent adherents, including Suttle World, are accustomed (see 1st title---1957 triple OT win over Wilt and Kansas). What is not even remotely infrequent is the pride Suttle World has in reporting that the UNC basketball program owns the highest Academic Progress Rate score in this year's tournament with a near-perfect 995 (out of 1,000), and a 86 Graduation Success Rate---an eye-popping 24 points higher than the national average for men's Division I basketball players (65 percent). Props to Bride of Suttle World/Yolanda on her decisive victory in the 2009 Suttle World March Madness, Big Dance, Final Four, sue you bastards you, NCAA pool. The final results are shown on the link, and her t-shirt isn't in the mail, but in a closet at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor. Suttle World finishes with the winner, but that only elevated it to mediocre also ran status. Bringing up the rear is cuzin "Short Bus" Bubs, who, when asked about his poor performance by Suttle World correspondent Dirk Bremen said, "it was a rebuilding year." Tis a good day, especially at the Suttle World western NC headquarters, where...

...Snow flurries continue to flutter at this writing, and a dusting has accumulated to cover grass, bushes and the late, great, Irish tenor, Patty O'Furniture. Being April 6, even at an elevation of 2,100 feet, this is anomaly number three. This stands in rather stark contrast to the weekend that featured the mountainous area sunny with afternoon temps in the 70s. After consultation with newly installed state of the art meteorological monitoring gear and Bride of Suttle World, a consensus has been reached that the chances of survival are highly probable. 

...A sad, but well understood, early AMF to the eight weekend visitors to the Suttle World western NC HQ. Bride of Suttle World returned her parental units to their metro Atlanta home, ran errands, and, heroically made the return leg in a short eight hours yesterday. Meanwhile, the Moreira mishpuka, after an extensive tour of Biltmore's offerings in nearby Asheville, decided to err on the side of caution (weather wise)---making their return voyage yesterday evening. It was a joy to have the company of each. The four/two each nieces and nephews (2.5-8.5 years of age) were especially delightful guests, with truly remarkable parents, whose good works elevated the experience from that of mere tolerance to delight. The adults were all an honor and privilege to host, and Suttle looks forward to future such events in their various permutations. Even without a national championship, Monday proved to be as rich day as Suttle World can recall in many moons. Details to follow. 

...Paging Bill Swartzberg. Will Bill Swartzberg please pick up the white courtesy phone? Memo to cuzin Bill: word on the street indicates that cuzin Matt is in town/ATL through Friday or so, and is most interested in enjoying your company. Email Suttle World for new phone number, or cell phone of Bride of Suttle World for further details. PS---props for the bowling heads up. Suttle World had forgotten about the two-hander, and will get on the ball ASAP (damn, I'm funny). 

April 6, 2009 

...Armed with precise meteorological data as a result of the installation of state of the art monitoring devices at the Suttle World western NC headquarters, Suttle World can report with confidence that the overnight low was 59.6º (F) where a winter storm watch is now in effect for tonight. Higher elevations are forecast to receive between 2-4" of snow overnight Monday. The weather clamor has left visitors wondering as to their itinerary. Biltmore House is on the schedule, but the Moreira mishpuka continues to confab at this writing as to their plans.  Props to niece Gwyneth for Monday's SOTD.

...Befitting the eve of a national championship, Sunday was a red letter day for all 10 occupants of the western NC HQ. The Moreira mishpuka visited Jumping Off Rock (nope, no jumpers yesterday), Chimney Rock and embarked on a precious gem expedition that yielded an impressive geological collection. The parental units of bride of Suttle World made their own foray of the countryside, while Suttle World and bride of Suttle World became the proud owners of a bumper pool table. Hey! Enough with the chortling from the gentle surfer. Sure, Suttle World has not been involved in a compelling game of bumper pool since a 1974 contest in the now demolished and rotten, but not forgotten, "Phase Two" clubhouse at Dirt Square, and may never play another. It just happened to be a clearance item of decent furniture with a neat felt covered lid that will make for truly compelling future gaming action. It may well have been the best $60 buy in Henderson County yesterday.

...Betting lines remain unchanged for tonight's NCAA men's basketball championship game tonight between Michigan State and the good guys/UNC---the 7.5 point favorite. Suttle World may well take advantage of today to travel the 45 minutes to beautiful downtown Nebo to ensure TV reception is in good stead for the planted ancestors of Suttle World. Props to the Sooner babes who advance to the finals of the women's bracket against the juggernaut that are the UConn chicks. Suttle World will watch---finding the Courtney Paris girl absolutely fascinating. 

...April 5, 2009    Carolina wins! 9 arrive safe and sound

...The University of North Carolina will play Villanova Monday night to decide the 2009 NCAA men's basketball championship. UConn and Michigan State was not a thing of beauty, but a game of great entertainment nonetheless. Were it a best of five series, the Huskies would go on to win the next three games and advance. Of course, such is not the case in the "one and done" exercise known to many as March Madness (yeah, its April 6---work with Suttle World here). UConn picked a bad night to not be able to throw it in the proverbial ocean, but kept the contest interesting for over 35 minutes with tenacious defense. For the Spartans, the night played out like the good dreams of winning at "home," as they continued their get hot at the right time tournament strategy. Props to Michigan State for their win---making for only the second victory by a Michigan based team in the history of Ford Field. The nightcap was a delight from tip off until final buzzer. Villanova simply ran out of steam, and Carolina is as good as advertised when the season began in November. The Tar Heels/good guys won their fifth straight tournament game by more than a dozen points on a night when they did not play their best ball. Monday night will be great. The early line has Carolina listed as a 7.5 point favorite. The money line shows: Carolina -$370 and Michigan St. +300$.

...Suttle World is pleased to announce that it collected the revenue from two adult, two senior and four children's passes for admission to the western NC satellite HQ early yesterday afternoon. The bounty was the result of Saturday's advertised arrival of the Roberts/Moreira mishpuka, featuring: bride of Suttle World; parental units of bride of Suttle World; younger sibling and husband of bride of Suttle World; and two each, nieces and nephews of bride of Suttle World (the progeny of aforementioned sibling and husband of bride of Suttle World), and proudly Suttle World itself by virtue of blissful matrimony. The clan made a tour of nearby Hendersonville and other surrounds of the western NC HQ yesterday. Suttle World believes a good time was had by all, but on a night when Carolina wins a Final Four game, an Ebola outbreak would seem an interesting and manageable science project. The action resumes shortly after daybreak (a phenomenon that continues to occur just before mid-day) with an agenda unknown to Suttle World at this writing. No doubt, the good times of yesterday will continue for the remainder of the visit through mid-week. Of course, updates as they happen.

...Memo to Wynonna Judd/Brenda Buttner of Fox News Channel's Saturday morning Bulls and Bears fame: shooting fish in a barrel does not make for good TV. Having a spokesman for the American Socialist Party on during a segment is no different than placing a mentally challenged individual on Jeopardy. "Capitalism hasn't really worked out for the workers (dude really did say it)." Please! Its 2009 for God's sake! Our society has moved well beyond pointing and laughing at the retarded.

...For what its worth, Suttle World will toss a rare compliment the way of President Obama, who Suttle World believes comported himself rather well at his news conference yesterday in Strasbourg. He didn't say shit, but did so in a very presidential manner. Obama also echoed the words of his predecessors regarding NATO: "an attack against one is an attack against all." This brings Suttle World to Serbia and Croatia. Suttle World understands the Borat like enthusiastic pride the Balkan nations must feel upon joining the alliance. There's just one little problem. An attack against Croatia doesn't effect the vital interests of Suttle World or the United States one damn bit.

April 4, 2009    Short sober reflection

...When all the investigations are finished, we will never truly understand yesterday's unspeakable tragedy in Binghamton in which thirteen innocent lives were taken, and two dozen others wounded, in a cowardly shooting spree.  An entire community mourns, and I share their grief.

...The record will show that 41 years ago today, the Reverend, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was shot and killed in cold blood while standing outside his room at the Lorraine Motel in Memphis.  Suttle World is of the definite opinion that today's headlines would read radically different if not for the senseless assassination.

...Well, that's a rather maudlin start to a Saturday---days that are typically relaxed extended visits in Suttle World that no one ever reads, but relaxed and extended nonetheless.  This particular Saturday should be that much more so given the second High Holy Day of Sport for 2009 has finally arrived in the form of the this year's Final Four from not so picturesque Detroit.  Alas, such is not the case as Suttle World continues its preparation of the western North Carolina satellite HQ for arrival of the Roberts/Moreira mishpuka.  Five more adults, and four nieces and nephews ranging from 2-8 years of age are scheduled to make port early this afternoon.  Suttle World truly looks forward to their arrival---in no small part due to the fact that the bride of Suttle World will be among the five aforementioned adults.

...As a result the hoops breakdown will remain short and sweet.  UConn and Michigan State get things started shortly after 6:00 (EDT).  The story line, of course, is that of a great recent national champion from the biggest baddest league in the form of the Big East and Connecticut against a good Spartans team that is followed by the story line of being a team of destiny to lift the spirits of  the third world nation, known to many as Michigan, more than a UN relief  plane full of CARE packages and mixed metaphors.  No sale.  UConn advances handily.  Carolina will dispense with Villanova in the nightcap.  With the money line at near 3:1, Nova is the best bet on the board, but North Carolina state law, from where Suttle World is publishing this morning, mandates fanatical Tar Heel support, and Suttle World will gladly comply.  Even in the absence of regulation, Suttle World sees Carolina winning it all Monday night.

...Today's SOTD artist is yet another 70s act that slipped past Suttle World, and definitely demands further investigation.  This cut is rockabilly on steroids---a cover of a Huey "Piano" Smith tune.  The Real Kids?  Suttle World is left with no choice but to penalize cuzin Matt 5 Suttle World bonus points for his failure to bring this band to Suttle World's attention in 1975.

April 3, 2009

..A good morning to the gentle surfer from the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite headquarters. Several errantly run errands and five hours of driving through the "cold north Georgia/SC/NC rain" later, and Suttle World made his triumphant appearance Thursday evening. Today's business equals an abbreviated update as Suttle World embarks upon its duties to ready the western HQ for the planned Saturday arrival of the mishpuka of the bride of Suttle World. Otherwise there is little remarkable to report, excepting the badminton practice has been cancelled for this afternoon. The local forecast calls for sustained winds of 20-30 mph, with gusts over 40.

...Yes, tomorrow is the second High Holy Day of the 2009 calendar---more as time permits.

...As is typically the case in such circumstances, cuzin Matt steps to the plate with yet another stellar installment of Bruner's Texas Takes.

April 2, 2009     Protesting the protestors

...British police in riot gear made 86 arrests and justifiably bloodied dozens of other protestors that have gathered in London for reasons members of the group aren't really sure.  Protest "leaders" explained the group was advocating anarchy.  And while Suttle World is down with Anarchy in the U.K., an organized protest for anarchy strikes Suttle World as being a tad oxymoronic.  Check that---just make it plain moronic.  From where do these people come?  What do they do when there is not a worldwide economic summit taking place?  One group of protestors carried signs and chanted "abolish money."  Unfortunately, Suttle World doesn't have a working email address for John Lennon, so it still having trouble wrapping its head around that particular mantra.

...Is Suttle World the only one who has considered that a well launched missile, say from a US ship off of Japan, could put a quick end to any plans of North Korea's threatened  rocket launch?

...Is Suttle World the only one who has considered that the Conficker Internet worm that merited a 60 Minutes piece on Sunday, and was supposed to fell a large portion of the world's PCs that turned into absolutely nothing yeseterday, was a big marketing gimmick by Microsoft?

...The AP is reporting that just nine people accounted for nearly 2,700 of the emergency room visits in the Austin area during the past six years at a cost of $3 million to taxpayers.  The gentle surfer can look forward to waiting in line behind these nine people for treatment upon the arrival of the utopian nationalized health care in the coming years.

April 1, 2009    G 20 talks stall

...The G20 summit in London attempting  to spur economic growth and work together on regulatory reform came to a grinding halt last night following the opening banquet.  None of the world leaders in attendance had enough room left on a credit card to pay for the soiree.  Officials with the International Monetary Fund have been contacted regarding an emergency loan to allow the meetings to continue.  This followed an appearance by President Obama, British PM Brown and their wives panhandling for change on the streets of London in an effort to fund the summit.

...Louisville, Stanford, UConn and Oklahoma fill out the women's Final Four bracket.  The semis are set for St. Louis Sunday.  Meanwhile on the men's side, Vegas lists UConn as a 4 point favorite over Michigan State while Villanova is now a 7 point underdog to Carolina.

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