Archives---April, 2007

April 29, 2007

...From the mailbag comes what may well be a wise prognostication from Commissioner Jordan/Satan---the apocalypse is upon us.  Consider that Wiffle Atlanta will enjoy a second consecutive Sunday of Chamber of Commerce weather (sunny, 80° and tolerable NNW winds forecast at 12-14 MPH) for its third week of the '07 campaign, the fact that the freak in the Jimmy Dean spots beat Suttle World to the punch in the rising competition this morning for the first time in recent memory, and we have a very unusual, if not cosmically frightening set of circumstances.  Regardless, as mankind awaits squashing beneath the Monty Python illustrated foot, the country's best 1-3 Wiffle Ball club, the Suttle World Senators (no, of course the page isn't updated yet), look to get back to the .500 mark today against the 2-2 Yellow Jackets.  The doubleheader is part of the second set of today's games at Ralph Kramden Yards, with the first pitch scheduled for 4:30. 

...Suttle World is not privy to any mores news and information than that which is readily discernable by the gentle surfer regarding ongoing wildfires in southeast Georgia.  Though 250 miles from stately Roberts/Suttle Manor, some smoke from of the blaze's noxious emissions have been observable.  A few homes have been evacuated, but basically a 100 square mile piece of nothing has been scorched.

...And with the eighth pick in the 2007 NFL draft, the Atlanta Falcons take Jamaal Anderson (no, not that one), DE, Arkansas.  Suttle World has no problem with the selection.  It is a need the franchise has to address.  What Suttle World is puzzled about is the whole deal with Houston, who, with the Falcons choice at #10 (Atlanta moved up to #8) took DT Amobi Okoye of Louisville.  Similarly, the franchise drafted to its needs with an OT and corner in the second round, and a wide out with their third round pick---Laurent Robinson who had a monster year with 718 yards and 7 TD catches for Northern Illinois.???  Suttle World's Redskins broke with tradition by actually having a first round pick to make---taking a much needed DB, LaRon Landry of LSU; and then quickly returned to form---closing up shop early without a pick in the 2nd and 3rd rounds.  The Jerry Lewis like event continues today (Suttle World stands corrected, in that 1200 as opposed to 900 seconds are required to elapse between each selection).  First round NBA playoff viewers need not be feared nearly as much as those who will sit through the NFL "event" today.  Ready to Buy Out Berman, yet?

...John Smoltz settles down after a shaky first to notch his 196th career win Saturday night in Colorado as the Braves continue to make this a successful road trip with a second straight win over the Rockies 6-2.  5-3 on the roadie with one left this afternoon, the Braves return home to begin a 10 game home stand---beginning with a 3 game series vs. the Phillies that starts Monday.  A final Braves note.  Suttle World is unaware if other ball clubs have caught on or not, but the home team is shocked by the success of their season ticket sales on the "easy payment plan."  Hard to believe, but Suttle World has been advised that some households find dropping $1500-2000 bucks (for 2 decent seats) all at once to be a bit of a bite in the cash flow bag.

April 28, 2007

...The World Health Organization (WHO) said Friday that at least 200,000 people die every year from cancers related to their workplaces, mainly from inhaling asbestos fibers and second-hand tobacco smoke.  Suttle World says bullshit.  None of the media reports, nor the WHO web site make any reference to a single piece or body of research (stuff that meets those pesky little 98.5%+ confidence levels and such required for clinical "correlation")  that purportedly "proves" (actually disproves the null hypothesis if the gentle surfer wishes to be picky) the headlines prominently featured  in "news" organs out there this weekend.  Can Suttle World write a long freakin' sentence of what?  Regardless, the 200,000 number was tossed out in a press release as part of WHO's April 28 "World Day for Safety and Health at Work"-apalooza.  Suttle World has sent a brief, polite email to the contact listed on the WHO site for today's festivities, and requested to be pointed towards the appropriate literature, and just because it was kinda cool to send an email to Geneva.  Suttle World is easily amused, and Suttle World expects that any and all of the literature will fall well short of cutting the statistical mustard.

...Not an original take, but the President will veto the current spending bill, and in the "spirit of bi-partisan cooperation" Congress will greatly modify or remove any Iraqi withdrawal time lines, and instead add enough riders to make MARTA profitable.  The President will then "reluctantly" sign said appropriations.  Reluctant because all are aware George 43 is a small government guy.  And as long as we're toying with the lives of over 120,000 volunteer folk heroically serving in uniform, Suttle World begs the question as to whether the gentle surfer would trade permanency of tax cuts (capital gains and death tax included) for an "acceptable" timetable?  Just asking.

...Suttle World fully appreciates the "you're only gonna get so many shots with the big guy" school of thought, nonetheless Suttle World advised D Wade to punt, have the surgery and "get 'em next year."  But do you listen? No, and now your Chicago's bitch.  How's that workin' out for ya?

...Judicial notice is served that, so far, today's update has tilted a tad towards cynical.  So, for the lighter side of today's SSC update, we now go to Suzie Creamcheese:

...Suttle World is proud to announce that the ever inept staff is finally getting a good start on Suttle World being part of the blogesphere by publishing today's (and all of April's) Suttle Security Council Daily Briefing here at the SSC blogspot.  Again, its a work in progress; and once up and running an easy way to generate more traffic to Suttle World.  Why?  Suttle World has no idea, but look for the obligatory links most everywhere soon at a browser near you.

...Like many a gentle surfer, Suttle World, while freely admitting to not having a scintilla of the baseball smarts of Bobby Cox, does sometimes find his managerial decisions and mantras to be a bit odd.  That being said, the Cox cliché regarding games "being as important in April as they are in September" is screaming its truth from the atop the Old North Church as the Sox take their fourth straight from the Yankees who have now dropped 7 in a row.  Suttle World is not cueing any fat ladies, only pointing out that a deep hole is a deep hole, regardless of what the top of any given page of the current calendar may say.

...Memo to Michael Vick:  Suttle World buys your explanation of ignorance regarding the Virginia house and dog deal, but that really is the point of this brief correspondence.  If nothing else, you're taking big bucks out of your own pocket if you don't just stay on the front on the sports section, as opposed to above the fold on the cover.  Mike, shake yourself!  You can be one of the all time greats, or just another in a long list of pretty decent NFL quarterbacks---albeit in your unique style.  Meanwhile, as of this writing, the Falcons still have the eighth pick in today's draft---programming that makes The Antiques Roadshow compelling TV in comparison.  Suttle World does admit that if it remembers, it will view the first few picks, only because there does seem to be some intrigue---always the case when grandpa Al is calling the shots.

...Quick sports recap (you're welcome, if, like Suttle World you haven't checked around and are not exactly up on who's whom in the myriad of playoff series being played):  Coverage on the NFL Network is from 11:00 - noon (EDT), and then moves over to ESPN, but no one seems to want to disclose the time when "Oakland is on the clock," and one gets to enjoy watching  900 seconds tick away---all with the dulcet tones of our buddy Chris Berman.  Though not pimped recently, the gentle surfer is reminded of the Buy Out Berman Campaign is always in progress at Suttle World.

...Anyway, back to the quick part/non draft:  Complete rundown of playoff series in action here for the NBA (excruciatingly extended best of 7 first round/conference quarters) and NHL (conference semi-finals played at a logical pace, albeit in total obscurity).  Braves needed every bit of the 9 spot they put up last night in Coors Field as they held off the Rockies.  Atlanta, tied with MILWAUKEE! for the best record on the senior circuit, lead the Mets by but a mere half game, and that due to two consecutive New York losses.  Could be a pseudo pennant race in the making---a state of affairs that would be a most refreshing change of pace.  ATL weekend TV sports listings here.  Fight tonight:  lightweight title unification bout between Juan Diaz and  Brazilian Acelino "Popo" Freitas Bandito, 10:00 HBO ("with a name like Popo, it has to be good").  Some attention paid to the Byron Nelson is time well spent even in Tiger's absence.  Luke Donald holds a one stroke lead after 36 holes on a very crowded leaderboard.   

...Props to Mr. Bob Kadrie (father of Commissioner Jordan/Satan) and clan for the shout out last night at Sangria's.  Looking good big guy---really took Suttle World a minute to put it all together on the fly.  Mr. Bob explains that he should make a triumphant return to Ralph Kramden Yards in the next several weeks after his kickball duties are completed.  Speaking of which, Wiffle Atlanta is set for week three action this Sunday beginning at 2:00.  The 1-3 Suttle World Senators (page to be updated today, though current stats and last week's recaps are available via Wiffle ATL) are scheduled to take on the Yellow Jackets in a twin bill set to start at 4:30.

April 27, 2007

...Suttle World did not avail itself of the opportunity to take in the gathering of the 8 Communist Party candidates in South Carolina last night, and is uncertain if their chief rival, the Fascist Party will be holding similar events over the course of the summer.   One thing is certain, last night's ordeal was not a debate any more than Greg Oden is a midget.  As is always the case with such happenings, it was a joint press conference---only a bit more congested than usual.

...A couple of AMFs:  First, Bobby Pickett of "Monster Mash" fame left this mortal coil Thursday due to leukemia at the age of 69.  Pickett was one of the biggest one hit wonders in music history.  Also checking out yesterday was Jack Valenti, the creator of the movie rating system that has saved western civilization as we know it.  Valenti was ideologically impaired, but led a most interesting life as an insider both in Washington and Hollywood.  He was 85.

...From the "hey you kids get off my grass" department comes word of an Ohio jury Thursday convicting a man of murder for shooting a teenage neighbor who walked on his obsessively maintained lawn. The defense didn't dispute that Charles Martin, 67, shot 15-year-old Larry Mugrage, Jr. after he stepped on the lawn Martin meticulously cared for, mowing it as many as five times a week.  Martin faces 15 years to life when sentenced next month.

April 26, 2007

...AP---Oregon Gov. Ted Kulongoski "couldn't afford much of anything during a trip to a Salem-area grocery store on Tuesday, where he had exactly $21 to buy a week's worth of food — the same amount that the state's average food stamp recipient spends weekly on groceries.  Kulongoski is taking the weeklong challenge to raise awareness about the difficulty of feeding a family on a food stamp budget."  The story goes on to chronicle the governor's horror at having to buy regular and store brand items in lieu of his usual organic bananas and all natural peanut butter.  Per usual:  Suttle World has a suggestion.  Kulongoski could move in with Sheryl Crow during this stunt.  It would cut down on his ass wipe budget considerably, and they could hold their own MENSA meetings.

...The DOW soared past the 13,000 mark yesterday---an amazing accomplishment given the hideous economy of the US in which the Governor of Oregon has to live off food stamps.

...Its a Freudian field day.  Firefighters in Braintree, England had to come to a boy's rescue after he got a toilet seat stuck on his head.  The two and a half year old and his mother walked into the fire station Tuesday saying the boy had put his head through a small trainer seat for the toilet.  Suttle World will leave doing the math on this lad's future to the gentle surfer.

April 25, 2007

...And a grand birthday was enjoyed by all, including the now 17 year old nephew Ridge.  The day began with the brandishing of gifts---in this case the ever popular cash.  It was in the pre dawn hours that the armored Moped pulled up in front of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor to drop off the bonanza that was in turn presented to the birthday man-boy.  Evening festivities were highlighted by dining al fresco in the sophistication of the recently opened Shorty's---a truly welcome eatery to Tucker that is well worth the local gentle surfer's patronage, if still unfamiliar.  A little birthday cake, and pseudo-adulthood (that three year window when one can vote, go to big boy prison or Iraq, but cannot buy a beer---brilliant!) is but a year off on the horizon.

...This hot off the wire from our friends at the Associated Press:  "Miss America can add crime fighter to her resume. Lauren Nelson recently went undercover with police in New York for a sting targeting sexual predators."  Authorities said Donald Trump posted the $50,000 bail for the accused Miss USA, who, with girlfriend Miss Teen USA, have their first court appearances set for next week.  Judicial notice is served on Suttle World that shooting fish in a barrel isn't much sport.

...While far from an Attica situation, you still can't beat a good old fashioned prison riot as was the case in New Castle, IN yesterday.  It remains a mystery to Suttle World how mankind survived before the Action News-copter came along to provide 24/7 live shots of Anna Nicole Smith's body being rolled into the morgue or prison sheets burning.  It is also a testament to the fortitude of the human spirit, as, in retrospect, life just doesn't seem to been have worth living without this type of instant in depth coverage being available.  "Up next, team coverage of a dead dog on Maple Street."

...Despite Rodriguez going 0 for 3 last night, the Yankees have managed to parlay the greatest April ever recorded by a player in MLB history into a 8-11 record.  Brilliant!, and couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of guys.

...A little bit of Falcons trivia from the dark ages that was truly a preview of decades of coming attractions.  Following an 3-11 expansion season in 1966, Atlanta was without a first round draft pick that had been acquired by the 49ers who used it to take a guy named Steve Spurrier.  Bottom line:  not a single player picked by the Falcons in the 1967 draft made the team that year.  Even Pete Babcock couldn't pull that off.

...The gentle surfer may wonder as to why Suttle World has not chronicled the 2007 baseball campaign for the mighty fighting Colonials of George Washington University.  In large part the dearth of coverage can be summed up in GW's 5-3 loss yesterday at home to 9-33 Maryland Eastern Shore  dropping the Colonials record to 16-24-1 on the year.  The good news is that the pressure of scurrying for a hotel room in Omaha has long since been crossed off the to-do list.

...Another quick memo to Sheryl Crow:  hand sanitizer.

April 24, 2007

...Happy birthday wishes fill the air of stately Roberts/Suttle Manor as resident nephew Ridge turns the big 1-7 today.  Festivities for the day are unclear to Suttle World as of this writing, but it is believed that the Teengenerate in training will occupy the first half within the decrepit confines of Tucker High "School."  Filled with school spirit, Suttle World has accepted its own math fair project.  It is the intent of Suttle World to determine the amount of revenue raised from the "temporary" local option one percent sales tax dedicated to school construction and repair that the genius  DeKalb voters ratified in 1992 and subsequently re-upped in '97, 02 and once again earlier this year, and divide that amount by the number of students over the same time frame.  Suttle World suspects the resulting quotient to be sufficient to have bought each student a condo in the 20 year interval.  Meanwhile, it is believed that Tucker High School's cafeteria is no longer under a cease and desist order from the county health department, and that the school wide rodent infestation is under control.  The HVAC system is another matter entirely, but who needs forced heat or air conditioning?  The Brits have done just fine without either.

...Memo to Sheryl Crow:  don't quit the day job.  Touring the country in a Greyhound bus lecturing folks about their excessive toilet paper use in order to save the planet is simply too stupid to merit commentary, excepting that she can serve as the poster child of prima fascia evidence that debate on the environment is one of politics and not science.

...Of course its an improper function of government, but sometimes Suttle World must look the other way and in this case applaud the New York City school system in its move to prohibit the use of metal baseball bats.  After retiring from the game, Suttle World reluctantly accepted the new fangled aluminum bats that came along.  Money is tight for any given Little League team, and wooden bats break.  Fast forward 35 years, and the gentle surfer can easily pay $250+ for the "economical" metal bat as opposed to the $20 wooden model.  The moral of the story:  like the designated hitter rule (for MLB), the reasoning behind the advent of the metal bat has long since passed, but both continue to bastardize the game---the bat with the annoying "ping" (and folks going a lifetime without seeing a pitch on the inside part of the plate), the DH making the American League into a 10 man, slow pitch, softball deal.

...Props to cuzin Rob of Cheeseland who advises Suttle World that Iggy and The Stooges will make an appearance tonight on the Jimmy Kimmel show.  Given the current trend, it is quite possible that Suttle World's wake up time will be move up to 12:30 am, and allow a viewing.

...A milestone in the auto industry.  For the first time ever Toyota outsold GM during the first quarter of '07, but Americans should not despair, as General Motors continues to lead in the health care spending column by a large margin.

...The gentle surfer is re-assured that it is not experiencing a Ground Hog Day moment.  Alex Rodriguez did hit another 2 dingers last night, to bring his April total to 14.

...Cocaine aficionados and motorists may have a great deal in common in the coming months---there's not going to be enough of the drug or gasoline to go around this summer.  A Panamanian freighter was boarded by Coast Guard and US Customs authorities who discovered a record 21 tons of the Peruvian marching powder.  Meanwhile, US gasoline inventories have dropped by 20% with no catching up in sight.  Look for $3.50 unleaded at a pump near you, and $350/gram toot at a dealer near you by Independence Day.   Legalization of the drug and building a few refineries would solve both problems, but make way too much sense to ever come to fruition.

April 23, 2007

...No joy at Ralph Kramden Yards for Senators fans yesterday, as the Suttle World heroes drop both ends of a twin bill to become the nation's best 1-3 team.  Twas pitching that killed the beasts.  The bat rack was silenced, and the Senators fall to the dreaded Muckdogs 5-0 and 3-1(?---scoresheets in stylish 1990 Lumina as of this writing).  Those particular games notwithstanding, it was a most successful day for Wiffle Atlanta, as 8 games were completed on a picture perfect Sunday afternoon in lovely Tucker, GA.  The Senators very much look forward to the remainder of the regular season schedule---believing the current record to improve mightily.  Memo to the gentle surfer:  4 out of 5 doctors agree (the fifth not being very smart) that 7 hours spent under a cloudless sky by the heretofore whitest guy in DeKalb County without the aid of sun screen is not a great idea.  A few doses of thalidomide, and Suttle World is ready and waiting to sit in for Lobster Boy should he require some time off in the coming days. 

...Memo to new Defense Secretary Robert Gates who will be making his first visit to Russia this week to meet with President Putin:  bring a food tester.

...To close out Monday's brief update we turn to the pages of the City Journal where Theodore Dalrymple stands at the ready with his always erudite commentary to explain the wonders of gun control from a European perspective (penned April 9, or well before the Virginia Tech tragedy).  The gentle surfer is no doubt familiar with Europe.  Go to the Atlantic, and take a right.  Its the first worker's paradise you'll come to.

April 22, 2007

...Unless a five hour full solar eclipse is scheduled this afternoon in the ATL, Mother Nature is poised to provide a unusually climate friendly day for Wiffle Atlanta to resume action with its second week of play.  Sunny skies, a high of 80° and marginal winds of 5-10 MPH are forecast.  Today finds the Suttle World Senators in a clash of the titans twin bill against the dreaded Muckdogs.  Commissioner Jordan/Satan having confirmed that pitching rotation rules remain in effect even following a league wide postponement the previous week, cuzin Blaine will get the rock for the opener followed once again by cuzin Neil.  At last check some good seats were still available for today's action that features other games on the undercard taking place on both fields (the specifics of which are always fluid and beyond Suttle World's scope of knowledge at this writing).  A big walk up crowd is expected, but there's always plenty of general admission/lawn seating.  As an aside, through the tireless work of aforementioned Satan, Suttle World has discovered that it has made its big You Tube show biz debut both here and here.  Arguably, the first clip has some journalistic value, but the second is obviously a commercial endeavor.  Its named "Wiffle Atlanta 2007 Ad #2" for God's sake, and Suttle World has no recollection of signing any sort of waiver whatsoever.  Suttle World's people will be in touch with the Commissioner's Office people first thing Monday morning.  Finally, the tireless grounds crew/Suttle World at Ralph Kramden Yards has spiffed up the place with a fresh new striping of lines greatly diminished by last weekend's downpours.

... A high turnout is expected as French voters are at the polls today to elect a new president, and nobody cares.

...With all due respect to the Navy Blue Angel pilot killed in yesterday's accident in South Carolina, Suttle World once again wonders if there is any real difference with such military demonstrations and the parading of troops and armaments through Red Square back in the cold war---aside from the fact that we are/were the good guys.  Suttle World also questions whether the incident in Houston Friday will further sour opinion of NASA and continue to cause the space program and efforts such as the Blue Angels to be viewed in the same vein as Lawrence Welk Museums/a tad frivolous---only a lot more expensive.  This cogent paragraph is brought to you courtesy of public education.  If you can read, but can't understand the above blithering, thank a teacher.  

...Just another routine commute in the big city:  "One man was killed and three injured in a shooting on I-285 near Jonesboro Road Saturday, Atlanta police said.  The four men were in a car heading west on I-285 about 3:35 a.m. when they were fired on, police spokesman James Polite said.  After the shooting, the men went to their Riverdale apartment, Polite said." (AJC).  Suttle World well understands the plight of and inconvenience visited upon the victims.  When a passenger in the stylish Suttle World 1990 Lumina is shot and killed on the interstate, Suttle World always first returns to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor to relax and play a couple games of Pac-Man before getting the authorities and all the incumbent paperwork involved.

...From the you just can't make it up department comes the announcement from Hillary that, if elected, she will appoint Bill to be "a roaming ambassador to the world."  Suttle World must agree that the title rolls off the tongue with more civility than ho monger, but certainly the world's smartest woman, Mrs. Clinton/the real Satan, would have to concede that the former president has been the roaming ambassador of love to the world for quite some time.  The gentle surfer is advised that by pausing, tossing a Barry White CD on the hi-fi and re-reading, the previous sentence can be enjoyed with its full impact.  A final much too early '08 campaign note for the day:  whether garnering attention or not, Newt is still out there---be it good, bad or indifferent.

...On behalf of Commissioner David Stern, Suttle World would like to thank the 37 Americans who paid wrapped attention to the first games of the first series of NBA playoffs yesterday.  The league greatly appreciates your patronage, and the rest of us question your priorities. 

...From the I hate it when that happens department comes news from Reuters that "an Israeli woman accidentally bit off part of her boyfriend's tongue during a heated French kiss.  Nahariya Hospital said the man was discharged after the operation [to reattach his tongue] and advised to sip iced drinks and "avoid wet kisses" until the stitched wound healed."

...Our friends at Reuters also report that "Indian teachers sprinkled cow urine on low-caste students to purify them and drive away evil..."  Suttle World, like many a gentle surfer, finds this practice to be a bit odd, but asks which group of students the gentle surfer would put its money on in a math contest:  cow urine spritzed Indians or $150 sneaker wearing, Zestfully clean American kids of the same vintage?  The story also gives rise to entrepreneurial thoughts.  Leaving Suttle World's basic understanding of the whys and wherefores of the "sacred cow" in Hindu religion and culture aside, suffice to say India has a population of around 1.1 billion folks, of which 80% are Hindu.  Consequently, Suttle World wonders as to whether there might be a huge export market in the form of India for cow urine and other bovine by products.  There's not a lot of capital investment required here, as Suttle World believes Farmer Brown would charge little if any for the gentle surfer to shlep away a few buckets full of Elsie whiz. 

April 21, 2007

...Hockey in and around the ATL is done for this season.  What Suttle World is able to determine from the oh so competent friends at the Beaumont Enterprise is that the Wildcatters defeated the Gladiators last night in overtime, and that Gwinnett is vanquished in the first round of the ECHL Kelly Cup playoffs 3 games to 1.  What is not discernable from the article is the score.  Moot point:  5-4 is no difrance' from 3-2 in such situations.  Actual final: Texas 2 Gwinnett 1(OT) for those keeping score at home.

...Props to the Vatican for officially eliminating limbo.  Red Cross officials said that while managing the displacement of so many souls at any one time is a daunting task, they do believe that the effort is doable through cooperation with Catholic Relief Services and the deployment of unused FEMA trailers left over from Katrina.  Government agencies have also become involved in the relief effort for the spiritual refugees until such time as the Church decides on a permanent relocation.

...Suttle World fully expected the DOW to hit 13,000 this year, but not until in December!  The index soared another 153 points (1.2%) Friday to close at 12,996 and change.  The Fox business block should prove especially interesting later this morning.

...Its gotta look like a beach ball to A Rod who had two more dingers last night in a loss to the Red Sox---making him the quickest ever to reach a dozen homers---in 15 games, including hitting safely in each contest and homering in the last four.   The adoration that has accompanied one of the most impressive three week streaks in baseball history will, of course, last until such time as dude goes 0 for 8, when D cells and Diehards will once again rain onto the playing surface of Yankee Stadium.  Meanwhile, Tim Hudson and the Braves continue to dominate with the right hander enjoying his third stellar start in as many April outings as Atlanta cruised to a 7-3 win over the Mets Friday night at Shea.  Hudson's ERA improved to 0.86.  Game two of the series is this afternoon---broadcast locally only on cable (Sports South) at 1:10 EDT.  

...From the file away for future reference just in case department comes this from our friends at the AJC:  "Clayton County police have not filed charges against a College Park man who fatally shot his wife Tuesday afternoon as she entered the family's apartment, apparently because he thought she was an intruder."  Suttle World believes this technique to rival the "hunting accident" as the no muss, no fuss successful homicide of choice.  Accidents are much easier to explain in grief stricken sorrow than cranking up the old wood chipper---ya gotta move crap around in the garage, check the oil, go buy gas...

...Sports fans of the atypical ATL sort can find all day action as the South Eastern Lacrosse Conference holds its tournament this weekend at both Northview High School in Duluth and Chattahoochee High in Alpharetta.  A cursory view of the site leads Suttle World to believe this league to be composed of "minor league/club" like teams (much in the same vein as southern college hockey), but features big name SEC and ACC schools without "big league" programs (Carolina, Duke, Maryland, et al) like Georgia, Tech, Florida, et al.  Unfortunately the web site hasn't been updated, so Suttle World is unaware as to whom advanced where in a two division tournament that does not feature a championship game between them.  Odd, but probably free on a pleasant Saturday.  Morning doubleheader in Duluth.  Afternoon DH in Alpharetta.  Same deal with championship games tomorrow.

Further enlightening the Saturday of the gentle surfer is an always welcome installment from cuzin Matt and in the form of another of >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

...Assuming no conditions of bail are violated in the next several hours, the legendary Billy Joe Shaver will perform tonight in Athens at The Melting Point.  Already in the archives are an unbeknownst show at Eddie's Attic last Thursday and a gig last night in Macon.

April 20, 2007

..."The plaintiff may call its first witness."  Thank you, your honor.  We call Buddy the donkey to the stand."  And so Buddy was called (Suttle World is unsure as to how a donkey is sworn in---raise your right hoof) in a Fort Worth court room Wednesday in a neighborly dispute.    Suttle World apologizes for using the adjacent file pic of Chuck Schumer, but it was the best that the inept Suttle World staff could do under deadline restrictions.

...There is some consolation that the Georgia General Assembly will finally adjourn their 2007 session later today---a Friday.  Salient, of course, because the usual uptick in business on weekends for prostitutes should help ease the sudden loss of ATL clientele.  Odd how markets work.  The only winner in this little micro-market scenario is the average John, errrr, Joe who will most likely enjoy a lower price point due to a diminished demand curve.  Not accomplished in the final days, per:  the AJC was a "bill that would have allowed motorists to hide firearms in their cars and leave them there in workplace parking lots."  This, of course, because of the Virginia Tech shootings where, of course things could only have been worse had a student or staff member been armed or had ready access to same.  Also noteworthy is the AJC (The Nation's Worst Major Daily) editorial page spilling over to "news" coverage once again by use of the loaded phrase "hide firearms in their cars."  The bill's intent was to amend the current archaic law that only allows for transport in glove boxes and in plain sight on the passenger's seat---not taking into account modern auto interior design (consoles, the disappearance of old school glove boxes, etc...).  Brilliant!

...With the Thrashers still looking for their respective tools knocked in the ice, please wake Suttle World when hoops and the NHL reach their respective conference finals.

...Michael Wilbon hit the nail on the head when he said that the three presumptive early first round picks of the upcoming draft who admitted to marijuana use at the NFL combine should be affected by the revelation.  Their value should increase by virtue of their honesty.

April 19, 2007

...Memo to those afflicted with either the St. Vidas dance or inconsolable sorrow, fear and loathing about yesterday's decision by The Supremes:  abortion on demand is and will remain legal in the US long after Suttle World has ceased metabolic function, whether the gentle surfer likes it or not.  Yes, Roe v. Wade is bad case law.  Yes, the Department of Education is, at best, extra-constitutional (unconstitutional in the view of Suttle World) though created through legislation.  And yes, the War Powers Act and the Constitution are also strangers.  Suttle World believes that covers all three branches.  Odd thing about it though, Roe works unlike the others (and an endless litany of other big government endeavors).  There are a number of other comments on the core issue at hand that Suttle World would care to make, but Suttle World is also keenly aware that until such time as Suttle World has passed an eight pound bowling ball from its penis, such comments are of little interest to the gentle surfer.

...As posted in an EXTRA edition of Suttle World yesterday afternoon, Kitty Carlisle has left this mortal coil.  She was 96.

...Suttle World is shocked!  Shocked!  Turns out that Cho was a freak and a "quiet guy."  While all this time Suttle World had assumed the perpetrator to be an outgoing 19 year old Dominican female who was assistant editor of the English Department's quarterly literary publication.  Suttle World means no disrespect (like, say, printing t-shirts that say "I survived Marcus Vick for this?").  While the story will soon fade from public memory as the next Anna Nicole chapter unfolds, the very real grieving of so many directly affected has just begun.  The overuse of hindsight to criticize and/or explain the unexplainable will only serve to compound the mourning, and interfere with the recovery.  Of course its always the freak who's a "quiet guy," but by virtue of reading these inane words the gentle surfer has proof positive that not all "quiet guy" freaks are mass murderers.  (Judicial notice is served that the term "yet" proved to be too obligatory and was officially stricken from the Suttle Security Council Daily Briefing.)

...If any gentle surfer knows of the current whereabouts of Don Imus please contact Suttle World?  Publication may now have to cease and Suttle World may have to rent a room at the ranch or Manhattan apartment.  And this will be the day the White Castle folks check in.

...Major props to Mark Buehrle of the Chicago White Sox for tossing what is believed to be the 234th no hitter in major league history last night, while facing the minimum of 27 batters (he picked off his lone walk of the night).  All this in a 6-0 Sox win over the Rangers.  The Braves continue their hot start---moving to a MLB best 10-4 with an 8-6 win in the first of a two game series against the Cubs Wednesday night.

...The Rangers sweep the Thrashers to the first tee sooner than had been desired.  Meanwhile, the Gwinnett Gladiators fall 5-4 in overtime last night to the Texas Wildcatters, and now trail their best of five first round Kelly Cup playoff series 2-1.  Game four is set for 9:05 (EDT ) Friday in Beaumont---where game five, if necessary, will be played on Sunday (5:05 EDT). 

...How much can one soul withstand?  Suttle World is once again shocked!  Shocked!---to learn that Georgia Attorney General Thurbert Baker believes the relationship between state Department of Transportation officials and road construction contractors to be "too cozy."  Say it aint so, Thurbert.  Its a very slippery slope.  Next, bears be shitting in woods across the fruited plane.

April 18, 2007

...The nation continues to mourn the tragic murder of 32 students and faculty Monday at Virginia Tech.  The emotional nightmare of the senseless massive violence and death is only compounded by the reality that when all the reports and commissions have finished, there will be no moral to the story, nor any pro-active measures that can be taken in the future.  Yes, campus security procedures may change a bit, and something may be garnered from examining the "whys" so as to make folks more aware of red flags, but in the end it is simply a horrifying unexplainable and painful state of affairs that makes getting on with business seem insignificant in comparison.  The final thought is a pre-emptive notion for the litany of those who will try to make political hay out of the tragedy.  During the 80 year run of the worker's paradise, such things did not occur in the former Soviet Union.  In fact, before the fall of Communism, Moscow was perhaps the safest big city on the planet to walk at night.  That is if one were allowed to do so.

...Respectfully pushing ahead...Big additions to the May music calendar.  First up, Saturday, May 5/Derby Day/Cinco de Mayo/Penta le Hellmann's, or Cuiso De Mayo as our friends Cruis-O-Matic call it at Club 29 in Decatur.  Given Cinco de Mayo is an honorable mention on the amateur night calendar that features New Year's Eve, St. Patrick's Day and Halloween (amplified by falling on a Saturday), Suttle World doubts it will wander into that particular environ, but assures the gentle surfer that it will be a fine show.  A belated check of the Club 29 site sadly finds Mother's Finest was missed there the 14th and that the Atlanta Rhythm Section is scheduled for this Friday night (scary in itself and ironic in that Suttle World saw Mother's Finest warm up for ARS at a New Year's Eve midnight show at the Fox c/1976).  Of even greater scintillation is the discovery that The Fleshtones are set for a gig at The E.A.R.L. Friday, May 25.  Tix are a whopping $15 for the NYC band that is one of the best live acts pounding the boards. 

...The Thrashers have now officially been put on the DNR (do not resuscitate) list after a 2-1 loss to the Rangers in the Garden last night to fall behind 3-0 in their soon to be completed first round Stanley Cup playoff series.  The only thing to be determined is as to whether the Hawks get more ping pong balls than Thrashers playoff games.  Wait'll next month, errrr, year.

...As strange as it may seem in a "crack down" year in the NBA, Stern's suspension of veteran referee   Joey Crawford would appear to be warranted.

...Seasonable climatic conditions have returned to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor with mostly sunny skies and high temps reaching the low to mid 70's.  Peaking ahead to the weekend forecast, Sunday is now predicted as sunny with a high of 78° and little if any wind for Wiffle Atlanta action that is set to resume with the Suttle World Senators taking on the Muckdogs in a 2:00 double header at Ralph Kramden Yards.

April 17, 2007

...A pause in the usual inanity to reflect and grieve the carnage visited upon the Virginia Tech campus yesterday.  Those Americans left with any sense of humanity mourn the unspeakable, and, until Monday, unprecedented tragedy.

April 16, 2007

...And a triumphant return it was to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor---as promised, a full half hour before the scheduled first pitch in Sunday Wiffle Atlanta action that was never thrown.  No doubt  fellow Wifflers, including even fellow Suttle World Senators, must now look on Suttle World as some meteorologically obsessed Johnny Beckman wannbe, complete with rolled up sleeves.  And while Suttle World will readily admit to being something of a weather geek, it does believe that 30 MPH winds make for unplayable/ridiculous conditions.  Suttle World would also ask that shlepping a deformed 21" lawn mower to, procuring the necessary gear and affecting the construct of Ralph Kramden Yards be properly weighted as the gentle surfer is making its WQ (wuss quotient) calculations.  Oh yeah, and further validation comes courtesy of the Weather Channel site that categorized yesterday's "Spectator Rating" for DeKalb County at "3/Poor."  Suttle World respectfully suggests that we of Wiffle Atlanta owe it to our fans to provide a comfortable environment in which to take in all the action.  Season ticket holders will be notified by email ASAP upon the re-scheduling of make up games.  Please save your tickets for yesterday, April 15, for use at that future time.

...Here's something new to mix in:  wind.  When flag sticks look like Viagra ads, canceling play is probably a good idea even on a final round Sunday, as was the case yesterday at the Heritage.  More remarkable than the conditions was the fact that CBS just continued to yak away while folks didn't play golf for 3 hours.  Mix in some I Love Lucy re-runs for God's sake.  Play resumes today very smartly in threesomes and starting from both # 1 and #10 at 10:30 (EDT, Golf Channel), with the last groups off at 1:00.

...Still unwilling to add to the outrageous overkill of commentary, suffice to say that 6:00 am is quickly approaching on this Monday morning, and Suttle World is pissed that their will be a tremendous void in drive time media offerings.  Regardless of all the real or imagined underlying issues, Suttle World fervently desires a return to our regularly scheduled programming.

...As previously noted, publication of this morning's update comes from Suttle World Headquarters at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.  Here we find some housekeeping chores.  First, to eliminate any confusion or cryptic inference on the part of the gentle surfer from Suttle World going dark for several days before Easter and then the remote publication, Suttle World would like to set the record straight.  Sure, there's the fugitive warrant thing, but the motivation behind Suttle World's recent absences from stately Roberts/Suttle Manor have been due to an illness in the family---more specifically Mother of Suttle World.  Suttle World hastens to add that the gentle surfer not already in the know about such things should not let its heart be troubled.  There is no urgent nor threatening pathology present---just a little under the weather for a while and now convalescing with the expectation of a full and complete recovery.  The other housekeeping note is literal---in the form of the new and improved design of Suttle World Headquarters at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.  Affected in Suttle World's absence, the world's greatest wife, Yolanda, and nephew Ridge made a noble start in the long overdue project of remodeling HQ by rearranging furniture of incredible mass.  Suttle World is pleased by this effort, but is saddened by the realization that Suttle World will never witness Stonehenge up close and personal in the company of his spouse---bobbies dragging her away after attempting to nudge one of the rocks into its proper place.

...Though cursory mention was made earlier last week, Suttle World was most remiss in failing to note yesterday's 60th anniversary of Jackie Robinson's major league debut.  Though inevitable, the moment is symbolic of arguably one of the top ten events in American history.  Mrs. Rachel Robinson in the epitome of grace and dignity---just as her husband played the game of baseball.  More later, as Suttle World will leave the race talk to every other moron in the universe with some soapbox from which to shout.

..."DENVER - Sen. John Kerry (D-Massachusetts) reopened the door to a possible 2008 presidential campaign during a book signing in Denver and then again, in an interview with 9NEWS." (Channel 9, Denver, NBC affiliate)  Unfortunately for Senator Kerry, on the other side of that door is an empty room.

April 15, 2007

...200 strong turned out on the campus of Clemson University (ironically, roughly equivalent to the average SAT score of an entering freshman) to rally, along with 1400 other similar gatherings around the US yesterday to send a message to Washington that global warming needs to be confronted.  Meanwhile the counties surrounding the western North Carolina satellite headquarters of Suttle World are under a winter storm warning until noon Monday.  About 6 inches are forecast in blizzard conditions.

...Seems as though Commissioner Jordan (a/k/a Satan) has waffled on Wiffle, and declared game on for this afternoon at the regularly scheduled Bat times.  This in spite of a wind advisory for DeKalb County and all of north Georgia.  "A WIND ADVISORY MEANS THAT SUSTAINED WINDS OF 20 TO 35 MPH OR WIND GUSTS OF AT LEAST 35 MPH ARE EXPECTED."  Suttle World should make a triumphant return to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor well prior to game time, but believes the chance of playing anything resembling Wiffle Ball to be highly unlikely.

...Now number one on the charts is none other than Michael.  Yes, the greatest basketball player in the history of the planet will now write the planet's largest ever divorce settlement check at $150 million.  Though a bite in the bag, Suttle World is confident that Michael still has some earning potential left in his now elderly 44 year old frame.

...A picture is indeed worth a thousand words, as the lovely Lone Star state couple pauses from keenly watching hours of left hand turns for just a moment to tie the knot.  This is NECKCAR at its best.  The newlyweds are registered at John Deere.>>>>>>>>>>>>

...The gentle surfer familiar with ATL TV programming is no doubt familiar with the Georgia Gang---a long running locally produced weekly roundtable featuring journalists, pundits and the like.  The Tar Heel state is no different, and Suttle World was most impressed with this week's edition of NC Spin that aired on a local affiliate this morning.  Its tough enough to find something to watch at 6:00 am on a Sunday, but not only did the program provide an alternative to infomercials, it also brought some welcome belly laughs as 5 old fat white guys sat around discussing race relations in a most serious manner.  Suttle World hopes to gain access to the show on a regular basis, because next week, the same panel will ruminate on the onus of childbirth, followed by tips on Martian gardening.  And this is "North Carolina's most intelligent television talk show[?]"  Copy of Suttle World's email to the gentlemen is forthcoming.

...Suttle World finds the television ad campaign now being run for the Dodge Caravan to be disturbingly amusing.  In the various spots, all the world's chaos can be brought to and end by turning on the vehicle's television/DVD screen.  Once only plug-in, TV is now also the drive-by drug.

...The Atlanta Thrashers still trail the Atlanta Flames in the Stanley Cup playoffs win column by one game.

April 14, 2007

...No apples for you!  Such will be the state of affairs come autumn.  Last weekend's hard freeze in and about the western North Carolina Suttle World satellite headquarters remains the talk of the town and local media.  The culprit for the freeze is almost certainly the work of the omnipresent shadow of global warming, but the result is that no farmer nor agriculture official has yet to locate a single apple tree in this part of the country that will bear fruit this fall.  Assessments are still being made, but it is believed the same plight is shared north through Pennsylvania meaning there will be no apple crop produced on the east coast this year.  The burgeoning NC wine industry has also taken a hit, with an estimated 80% of the grape crop wiped out for the season.  The gentle surfer will still pay for apples this year in the form of tax dollars to provide "disaster relief."  The only difference is that the gentle surfer will not receive a bag of Red Delicious in lieu of payment.

...In other global warming news, Suttle World has come to the belief that mankind may well survive the pending apocalypse.  History would seem to be on our side.  The human race has survived swine flu, the coming ice age of the 70's, killer bees and Y2K, so maybe there's a way out of this most pressing concern.  Solutions will no doubt be hashed out at a number of weekend rallies planned in various parts of the country---that is if the events come off, because in most locales there will be heavy snow and/or record breaking low temps for this time of the year.  The gentle surfer is reminded that Congress would have already solved the problem if hearings on the issue earlier in the year were not cancelled due to a winter storm in Washington. 

...While still in the weather segment of today's update, Suttle World has reflected on the in-climate conditions continually experienced by Wiffle Atlanta chronicled earlier in the week on this very page.  After much thought, and numerous calculations, Suttle World has solved the mystery:  Commissioner Jordan is Satan.  Suttle World can come to no other logical conclusion.  The ATL forecast for tomorrow's game day is calling for unplayable 25-30 MPH winds come time for the first pitch.  Suttle World does have a solution:  double fees to $20/player and use the excess cash to hire an exorcist.  Suttle World does not believe that Commissioner Jordan chose to be Satan any more than Linda Blair chose projectile vomiting. Since arranging an exorcism before Sunday would prove difficult, Suttle World respectfully suggests that the Commissioner take in the Earnest Angley Hour (Sunday, 11:00 am, WAGA) to perhaps be "HEEEEALED" on the cheap.

...Another day, another 9 holes for Suttle World Friday at the short, but rather challenging nearby Highland Lake Golf Club.  The defending Peachtree Old Fart Golf Classic champion Suttle World was ambivalent about the outing in preparation for this year's event that has been moved up to Memorial Day weekend.  A couple of shanks and were offset by an honest to God birdie notched by snaking in an 18 foot putt on #6.  Mix in a couple up and down pars, and there is hope that a dozen balls may be sufficient for the upcoming festivities.

...Housekeeping note:  Suttle World apologizes for the altered format of SOTD.  The ever inept Suttle World staff had only prepared enough posts through yesterday, and is without its graphics tool box to affect new ditties in the style the gentle surfer has become accustomed.  At this writing Suttle World is not certain as to whether the usual format will return shortly or sometime in August, but is certain that the regular look will resume if and when a return is made to stately Roberts/Suttle Manor.

April 13, 2007

...Suttle World would caution the gentle surfer that yesterday's Baghdad suicide bombing in the Iraqi Parliament building that killed two members of the legislative body and six others could have been worse.  Were the streets of the capital city not as safe as Sen. McCain (Creepy-AZ) indicated, many more members of the assembly would have been present when the blast occurred instead of picking through bargains at Wal-Mart.  Suttle World is increasingly convinced that the current administration's daily national security briefing begins with a brief séance to channel the spirits of  Robert McNamara and Lyndon Johnson for advice on prosecuting the current hostilities.

...The paper is here!  The paper is here!  Praise be unto Allah.  Blessed be his camel's genitals.  The 4:15, 4:30 and 4:45 forays to the end of tree lined drive of the Suttle World western North Carolina satellite headquarters proved fruitless.  In previous visits over the past several years, Suttle World has all but ignored the usual admonishments---BOLOs really (be on the look out) regarding bears, ditches, darkness, etc... in its role as cheerful fetcher of the morning news.  The 5:00 run this morning proved different, as Suttle World was in hope of running across a bear to kick Suttle World's ass into a dark ditch in a neighboring zip code.  Fortunately for all involved, the Friday edition of the Hendersonville Times-News had been dutifully delivered, and the universe has been returned to its proper harmonic balance.

...From the ironic department comes Friday, April 13 that is exactly six months from Paraskevidekatriaphobia Hajj 2006.  Friday, October 13 marked the first of the two shows The Dictators played in closing the world famous CBGB in the Big Apple.  It was a glorious hajj and well worthy of remembering on this half year anniversary.  No word on future Dictators shows, nor any news from the good folks at White Castle, but it is not until spring that our heroes typically emerge from hibernation to make at least a few appearances.  Fortunately the Hillbilly Dictators Jihad has patience to match the often recalcitrant band. 

...Suttle World has nothing but respect for Jackie Robinson and the legacy he left by blazing a trail for non-white athletes in baseball and sports as a whole.  That being said, Suttle World also believes that two 25 man rosters bumping around on a diamond this weekend all wearing number 42 may be a bit confusing.

...Suttle World is going to miss the old fart in the mornings, but refuses to lend any further commentary, excepting to note that there are few things in the universe more insufferable than the "news" media covering itself.  The gentle surfer can take some consolation in the fact that through the miracle of the internet, the Greaseman Show is available for the listening----streamed from one of a half dozen stations in and around the DC area with signals only a dog can hear.  When the gentle surfer competes the now in progress eye roll, it is welcomed to suggest any other form of AM drive entertainment to consume.  Local radio is a loop of the same 15 minutes of news, traffic and weather.  TV offers nothing that should be watched in the presence of sharp objects for fear of self mutilation, and the titty bars don't open until at least 11:00.  What's a mother to do?

...At long last, the Suttle World Senators page has been updated.  Nothing fancy, but a pic (courtesy of cuzin Neil) and current stats are now available for the gentle surfer's convenience.  This Sunday's game is still a bit up in the air, as opponents may be difficult to come by.  Props again to Blaine for his stellar contribution of the written word that is prominently featured in recaps on the Wiffle Atlanta site.

April 12, 2007

...The Duke lacrosse story:  Suttle World has a few thoughts beyond the obvious that immediately come to mind.  First, Suttle World is like many a gentle surfer (whether they will confess to same or not) would have liked to have seen one of the young men falsely accused with malice of forethought in this travesty of the "judicial" system after thanking mom, dad, siblings, attorneys, etc... to add, "oh, and while I'm at it, a big fuck you to the lying nappy heady ho that started this whole 13 month nightmare."  Second, Suttle World has long been of the opinion that Ray Nifong is either mentally ill, or has some ulterior motive.  Of course, by going forth with the prosecution in bad faith, Nifong was able to ensure re-election, but the position Durham County DA is hardly worthy of obstructing justice on this scale in such a high profile case.  Is there a brother-in-law with some land he wants rezoned?  There has to be an underlying motivation for Nifong to be so vigilant in keeping his position of "power," or he's crazy---as in ape shit crazy.  Third, and this has been mentioned---including by one of the kids who spoke yesterday, regarding the loss of the presumption of innocence.  Seems as though he's come to a stark realization that if something like this can be done to folks possessing the wherewithal to fight such a miscarriage of justice, what about poor folk who get rounded up by the local gendarmes?  Finally, while being falsely accused of rape as the prosecution withholds exculpatory evidence from the defense pales in comparison, it would have been nice if one of the young men had stated that the party and stripper deal as a "team event" was poor judgment.  More comments to come, but Suttle World will conclude this little rant by reminding the gentle surfer that defense attorneys that march up courthouse steps big and small across the fruited plane each and every day are doing so not only to make a living, but also to keep the police from kicking down the gentle surfer's door with no cause in the middle of the night.

...Uranium prices have increased nearly 20% in the past two weeks, and nobody can explain why?????

...The puck drops tonight at 7:00 at Philips, and so will begin the first Stanley Cup Playoff game in Atlanta Thrashers history that also marks the first of a seven game series against the New York Rangers.  Not being in the loop, Suttle World has no commentary to lend to the issue, being preoccupied by avoiding injury while jumping onto the bandwagon.

...Break up the Braves and/or euthanize the Nationals!  Atlanta continues to set a quick pace---coming out of the gate at 7-1, by notching the seventh win last night over the aforementioned Washington ball club that drops to 1-8 in pursuit of the hallowed Mets record of 121 losses in a season.  To do so would be a fitting farewell to the long impoverished baseball history of RFK Stadium from which the Nationals will move to new digs in '08. 

...Remote publication continues from the western North Carolina satellite headquarters of Suttle World where, following the prototypical rainy day Wednesday, the sun returns and temperatures rise to more seasonable levels.   At this writing, Sunday looks like a playable day for Wiffle Atlanta, but not without the odd shower and windy conditions to at least make for less than ideal conditions.  Suttle World is not aware of anything Wiffle Atlanta has done to insult or upset Mother Nature, and remains perplexed as to why she would visit her less desirable times (from a climatological point of view) to game days.

April 11, 2007

...A lovely, seasonal day in the NC mountains yesterday yielded little in the way of big news.  Sundry errands, a little golf and light domestic duties occupied a relaxing day that appeared exactly what was needed by all others in residence.  Today brings much needed rainfall, and with it, the opportunity to complete neglected domestic duties from yesterday and  time to recover from the few swings taken Tuesday afternoon.  Still to come in today's final edition of Suttle World is the long anticipated box score correction from Suttle World Senators play in Wiffle Atlanta Opening Day action.  Props to cuzin Neil for forwarding a few pics that may show up as well.

...Larry Birkhead my ass!  Everyone knows Don Imus is the real father of Dannielynn.

...Belated props to 102 year old Californian Elsie McLean who last week became the oldest player in history to record a hole in one on a regulation course, the par-3, 100-yard fourth hole at Bidwell Park.  Prior to the event, Suttle World would have been of the opinion that playing behind a group of centenarian women would be the worst hand a golfer could be dealt.   Untrue---playing behind a group of centenarian women in which one puts up an ace would be much worse, though beating oneself vigorously in the forehead with an eight iron after witnessing such an event would help pass the 45 minutes of wait time between each shot.

...Suttle World takes no responsibility that nothing of any import is happening in the worlds of news, sports and politics this week.  Yall get out there and do something really stupid, and, in turn, the gentle surfer gets better material.  Deal or No Deal?---the most tedious game show in the history of television.  2 minutes of action crammed into an hour long program (neck and neck with the fallen Who Wants to be a Rhinoceros---or some such).  Whatever happened to Split Second?  

April 10, 2007

...And it would appear to work, or at least the gentle surfer will have certitude following the appropriate execution of launch commands following this morning's update.  What would appear to work, of course, is remote publication from the Suttle World western North Carolina headquarters where Suttle World arrived Monday afternoon following a easy jaunt from the ATL.  All encountered thus far in Henderson County would seem to be reasonably well as convalescence continues.  Look for further updates as the day progresses, and more of those wacky rants to which the gentle surfer has become accustomed.

April 9, 2007

...And the champion of your 71st Masters is Zach Johnson.  Yes, Zach Johnson who penciled in three most timely birdies on the back nine Sunday to finish just ahead of Andy North and Jack Fleck.  And good for the Cedar Rapids boy who comported himself in a most appropriate demeanor---fully aware he was the Admiral Stockdale of this crowd---only with a new addition to his wardrobe.  Johnson was excited over the win, and Mrs. Johnson appeared excited over the $1.5 million Zach was about to jam in his pocket (paling in comparison to the untold millions in purse and endorsement money that will come his way now having won a major).  It was a Masters "like none other."  20 years from now, geezers will vaguely remember the tournament for its weather and high scores, but it'll take a "wait a minute, it'll come to me" moment before old Zach's name is recalled.  Suttle World serves notice that it does not require an in depth biography of the young man winning the New Zeeland junior Putt-Putt open as an 8 year old...  All Suttle World needs to know is that its Zach Johnson.  Props to Zach.

..."Hold all tickets!"  The inept Suttle World staff has struck again---this time in the data processing department where an error has been discovered in the box scores of the Suttle World Senators opening day Wiffle Atlanta doubleheader that they split with the Braves.  Senator Neil Bowen was not credited with a second home run in the night cap.  Adjustments will be made, and an amended box score will be posted as the day progresses.  The good news is that ace starter and cub reporter Blaine Milam has brought his recap of the first days action in well under deadline, and is available for the reading pleasure of the gentle surfer at the Senators page---albeit later today.  Pics and a promised re-work of the page are coming this week---promise.

...Once again, Suttle World is off to its western North Carolina satellite headquarters for the next several days---this time a bit more prepared for remote publication.  Notice is served that while Suttle World will be updated daily, the new editions probably won't hit the web until later in the morning than has come to be expected.

...Shout out to mother-in-law Doris Roberts for hosting an, as always, most hospitable Roberts/Moreira family gathering, complete with a compliment of fine food, in a Easter Sunday afternoon affair.  Final score:  Adults 6 Kids 4. 

...The schedule is now set---The Atlanta Thrashers make their first ever foray into Stanley Cup playoff action Thursday at Philips, beginning a best of 7 first round series against the Rangers.

...AMF to cartoonist Johnny Hart, the creator of the comic strip "B.C." who died in the saddle (no, at the story board) Saturday of a stroke at the age of 76.  The daily funny pages staple that was carried by 1300 newspapers and read by over 100 million people was DOA upon its first publication in 1958.

...The return of global warming later this week will be most welcome, with afternoon temps rising to near average levels following a weekend of hard freezes.  The carnage visited upon the local flora is obvious, and should make for an interesting study as the summer months approach in terms of what recovers when and to what degree.

April 8, 2007

...The entire Suttle World staff would like to extend a happy Easter greeting, and quote the great Kinky Friedman in declaring:  "may the God of your choice bless you."

...Saturday neared hedonism in its thrills and excitement---exceeding expectations on all fronts.  First, in spite of the most blustery of conditions, Wiffle Atlanta's make up Opening Day proved to be a smashing success, as was the venue---the newly christened Ralph Kramden Yards.   Pics forthcoming.  Our home page heroes, the Suttle World Senators, through a scheduling quirk, ended up splitting a double header with the always formidable Braves who were fortunate enough to be in town on spring break from LSU.  In the opener, the Senators busted out with a 15 big Cat point/run spot, highlighted by Grandpa Suttle who followed his game lead off homer with a first inning that also included a grand slam, yet another dinger, 5 runs scored and 8 RBIs.  All contributed much more than necessary with the yellow stick (Blaine going deep three times and Neil with a grand salami), given the complete game, 4 inning, two hit, shut out win (mercy rule invoked) of starter Blaine Milam.  The Senators won 18-0 with Blaine striking out 9, allowing only three base runners (none ever in scoring position) with but a single walk in a stellar performance.  In the nightcap, props to the always competitive Braves squad, who put together a 5 run top of the 6th inning rally to win the nightcap 7-4.  Brother Oliver pitched well for the Braves despite a number of hard hit balls into unfavorable conditions (nephew Ridge was robbed by Mother Nature on two occasions).  Cuzin Neil pitched more than well enough to win, but such is the way of the Wiffle world on any given day against a good team.  Box scores on team page.  A more cogent write-up is also expected from ace starter and cub reporter Blaine Milam.  Finally, big league props to Commissioner Jordan who has assembled a league of 8 teams that appear to be as fully functional as the law would allow for such ad hoc happenings.  Teams were arriving for the "late" games as the Senators bid their adieu due to Suttle World's desire to see...

...Suttle World seems to recall some jerk with a website commenting yesterday about the lead being +3 when High Holy Day III/V begins today, and Tiger being the only player to shoot par Saturday.  Turns out wrong.  The lead is +2, and one other player (Lee Westwood) shot 72 in addition to Tiger in third round triage from Augusta National.  Temps will warm to 60 today and winds will decline to around 10 mph, though one hastens to add that swirling breezes can make the track as difficult as gale force stuff.  It'll just be fun, and Suttle World would not be at all shocked if someone went ape shit today and finished with a red number for the Championship and its incumbent ugly green jacket.  There will be a red number posted for a player for the final round, and there the gentle surfer will find its winner.  No, Suttle World doesn't know who it'll be (Larry Mize and Gay Brewer have won this sucker), but Tiger is obviously the player to beat and/or not lose to.  Coverage begins at 2:30 (EDT, CBS).  The last group of Appleby and Woods is scheduled to tee off at 2:15.  The first twosome is set for 9:35, but may be delayed due to frost, with daybreak (7:07-EDT) temps at or just below the freezing mark.

...An exciting and improbable finish to last night's NCAA hockey championship, as Michigan State chips in the game winner with 18 seconds left in regulation to take the title 3-1 over Boston College (1 empty netter at 19:59).  Great game that BC dominated, but failed to take advantage of too many missed good chances.  Also ironic is that the game winner did not come off one of seemingly countless rebounds left by the Eagles goaltender on any give shot, but a rare lapse in the defensive end for BC that cost them at least a shot at overtime.  Good stuff---guaranteed, year after year.  Suttle World is still awaiting the memo from the many (and you know who you are) who live in, are now or who were affiliated with Boston and its prestigious institutions of high learning as to when Suttle World's Bean Pot tickets will be available at will call.

...In other hockey news, the Thrashers beat Tampa Bay in an overtime shootout last night and will now certainly face the Rangers in a best of seven first round Stanley Cup series that will begin with the first two games at Philips beginning next week at days and times TBD.  Meanwhile, a short distance to the northeast finds the Gwinnett Gladiators end their 72 game season as the fourth seed in the ECHL American Conference.   Gwinnett opens the 2007 Kelly Cup Playoffs against the Texas Wildcatters on Saturday, April 14th at home on Pinch-a-Loaf Pkwy.

...Gotta go check the wind.  Outtaheeyah (or "ootuvhearya" for readers of the previous graph with hoser proclivities).

April 7, 2007

...Holy, Holy Week Batman!  Saturday, April 7 is a blessed day indeed.

...Leading off (so to speak) at 1:00 is the make up of Wiffle Atlanta Opening Day (rained out last Sunday)!  And all this fabulous excitement at the stunning still unnamed ball park (Hillary Clinton is a Bitch Field is still on the board) on the campus of Stone Mountain Middle School.  After in depth front office discussions, it is believed to have been decided that Neil Bowen will get the opening day start this afternoon for the Suttle World Senators as they face the Peach Bombers in a 1:00 game.  If Twain was correct in that no man carries a greater burden than that of high expectations, then the Senators are composed of men with a tremendous onus---now listed in Vegas at 5:2 to win it all.  Wind will not be our friend today, but it is hoped to come in under the playability threshold.  There is an unknown velocity at which one may as well be tossing about cannon balls as Wiffle Balls.  Look for a complete multi-media extravaganza of a rundown of all the action tomorrow, including soon to come updates from Suttle World Senators ace pitcher and cub reporter, Blaine Milam.

...Then its off to Augusta National via that really neat TV thing for third round action (3:30, CBS).  Once again, Suttle World was way off the mark.  The cut came at +8, three strokes higher than speculated yesterday.  Wind will not be a friend here today either, at least for the players who managed to stagger in at 152 and better.  The Weather Channel site calls for a ridiculously precise forecast of NNW winds at "16 mph" for 3:00 pm today, and an unheard of relative humidity level of below 20%.  If the geezers in the ugly green coats cut today's pins in phone booths (as is quite possible), they can just go ahead and put away the red numbers for next year.  The lead after the third round could well be +3.  And let's see who's already +3.  Why we see Tiger who could turn in the day's only 72.  And who beats Tiger with the lead on Sunday in a major?  That would be no one on the planet.  Just another scenario that if correct makes Suttle World even more genius, and if way off the mark, will soon be forgotten.

...Finally, its the highlight of the evening as the Atlantic Coast Conference looks to capture the NCAA Division I men's hockey championship when the Eagles of Boston College take on the Spartans of Michigan State (7:00 EDT, ESPN).  With all due respect to Michiganders who, at times, make up part of the body of gentle surfers, Suttle World is simply too invested in the good ole ACC, and has the pleasure of knowing those who are almost painfully invested in BC, so the cheering at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor tonight will be for an Eagles title.  A cursory search of several wagering sites does not reveal any sort of "line" on tonight's match.  BC was the favorite going into the Frozen Four at 2:1.  Michigan State was 11:4.  Wind should not be a factor.

...And all this is a prelude to High Holy Day III (of 5) on the Suttle World sports calendar---tomorrow's final round of The Masters.  Suttle World is wholly unapologetic if this coincides with other spiritual rites and rituals, but the aforementioned geezers are not to blame here.  Its the first full week April, OK.  Its easy---no phases of the moon, nor positioning of stars are necessary to determine when The Masters will be played.  Yall take the second week---which works out to about average anyway.  Just stay away from the third weekend in June for the US Open and whatever week it is in July for the British, and any conflicts are at an end.  Wind does not factor into this particular issue.

...Braves have their quick 3-0 start snuffed out by the Mets last night at Turner Field.   Fox has the game today at 3:30 (EDT).  Also on tap are two very important prep races---The Wood Memorial and Santa Anita Derby.  A complete rundown of ATL TV sports is here.  Are both ATL indoor teams better off for losing?  A certain yes is the answer for the Hawks in search of more ping pong balls.  It may also be true of the Thrashers tonight.  With the third seed in the Eastern Conference assured by virtue of being the Southeast (spare me!) Division Winner, Atlanta may have some control over its playoff destiny.  Suttle World is unsure if the Rangers or Tampa Bay would be the preferred first round opponent.  If you'd rather play the Lightning, then losing is in Atlanta's interest tonight as they play Tampa who trail the Rangers by two points with one game left for the sixth seed that will face the Thrashers when next week's Stanley Cup Playoffs begin.  Coppice?  This, of course, could be a moot point if the Rangers win in Pittsburgh tonight or already hold the tie breaker advantage over TB.  Suttle World isn't interested enough to determine the latter.  No wind was broken in the bringing forth of this alleged paragraph.

April 6, 2007

...Memo to Ed Mangan:  groom this!  Two hours of effort from the meticulous to laborious put in by Suttle World, Commissioner Jordan and nephew Ridge hath brought forth, when the final touches are put in place Saturday, two of the finest Wiffle Ball fields to be found on public property.  The playing surface is infinitely more attractive, following the long tedious mowing required.  Coach Tatum would be proud, with Ridge doing most of the pushing of the 21" Murray with the congenital handle deformity (the mower, not Ridge).  It required covering more area than anticipated (two tanks of gas worth), but was accomplished as was an expert striping job that was awarded the cherished Euclidian Seal of Approval.  Wiffle Atlanta is officially open for business.

...All the beating about the head and shoulders the Augusta National crew gets from Suttle World and the rest of the planet is somewhat deserved.  Also deserved are major props to the geezers for maintaining a track that if the wind blows a little (imagine that---a breeze in the spring), and pins are cut just one more foot to the left, is as tough a test as golf has to offer.  Conditions are expected to be near identical today, with few birdies to be found.  Play should begin at 8:00 as scheduled, with pre-dawn temps staying in the 40º range, leaving greens thawed.  A real time leaderboard is linked from the homepage, and Suttle World fully expects it to look much different when the sun sets this evening from the listings after 18 holes of play, and a cut that could reach as high as five over!

...Speaking of weather, the late cold spell that has afflicted much of the country recently has finally spilled over stately Roberts/Suttle Manor, with a low under 30º tonight followed by sun and a high of 47º forecast for Saturday.  Also predicted are NNW winds of 15-25 mph that could have as much an impact on Wiffle Atlanta as on moving day in Augusta.

...So far so good in the Braves department.  Three down, 159 to go.  Mets are in town to start a three game series tonight against the to date, perfect Atlanta ball club.  And a final note from the sports page---props to The Eagles of Boston College who are just one win away from bringing the NCAA men's hockey championship home to the ACC where is so richly deserves to rest.  BC advances to the finals against Michigan State (Saturday 7:00 EDT, ESPN---previous info regarding a Sunday afternoon start were as erroneous as they were confusing) courtesy of one of the most bizarre endings/last 5:00 minutes of a hockey game Suttle World has ever witnessed.  One just doesn't see many games with two empty net goals scored where the final score is also decided by 2.  The complete ATL cable TV sports schedule is here for the clicking.

...This just in:  MENSA has now officially declared Six Flags dumber than dirt.  Well planned guys.  While the Six Flags folks say they'd consider a similar promotion in the future, the sponsoring radio station has seen the light and will move on to dropping frozen turkeys from the traffic helicopter instead.

April 5, 2007

..."Look out!/Its the big one!/Godzilla" in an ugly green jacket a mere two hours to the east of Suttle World World Headquarters where at 8:00 this morning the only twosome of the day, Billy Mayfair and Ian Poulter, tee off at Augusta National and officially start what Suttle World believes to be the 70th or 71st Masters (1934-2007 minus 3 war years '41-44).  Suttle World can find some mighty funky proposition bets on the tourney.  Scott Verplank making the cut is -$160, missing is +$130, but no straight up Tiger v. the field bet seen.  Tiger remains at 6:5.  Phil is 7:1, Ernie 14:1 and Vijay 15:1.  Your long shots at 250:1 are Michael Campbell, and aforementioned lead off man Billy Mayfair.  Tiger is in the third from last group today---off around 1:50 with two ferriners:  Paul Casey and Aaron Baddeley.  The first group will tee off with a nip in the air/40º.  The forecast calls for sunny conditions and a high reaching only 60 with northwesterly winds at around 10mph.  Could well be that the blustery conditions of the past day will overcome rainfall earlier in the week---allowing the concrete greens to properly cure.  TV coverage begins at 4:00 (EDT) on USA.

...The yet unnamed new home of Wiffle Atlanta on the campus of Stone Mountain Middle School in lovely Tucker, GA will morph into the fields of dreams later today, as the grounds crew puts the first and finishing touches on the facility.  First a haircut for the two fields of play, and then after diligent charting and graphing, the appropriate lines will be applied using the recently acquired Bat Striper, complete with little wheel and trigger handle to dispense the special white Bat Marking Paint.  Toss in 10 bucks of really cool accoutrement, and this joint is gonna be cooler than the Bat Cave itself.  Again, last Sunday's rain postponed Opening Day is being made up this Saturday beginning at 1:00---details at Wiffle Atlanta.

...Yes, the home page does look a bit more "in synch," thank you.  Actually it could be Mit)hed up again today, but the fix is in, as witnessed by the update following yesterday's Final Edition of Suttle World.  Not worthy of "EXTRA" status, but a pleasant change of pace.

...The sudden release of British sailors by Iran without any really getting anything in return affirms Suttle World's long held belief that there is very little political capital for the current regime to find among rank and file Iranians, and that major change there (been known to happen) could well come quickly from within, especially with a little help---covert, of course.  The weird beards have run the show since the '79 fall of the Shah, but the population remains, for the most part, young, fast and scientific---anxious to join the west and have full and complete access to I pods, flat screens, KFC and porn on demand.

...How bout them Braves!?  Suttle World departed its western North Carolina satellite headquarters as the opening day game against the Phillies headed into extra innings, and was shocked that no radio coverage was to be found.  Last night, Suttle World lapsed into various states of consciousness as the extra frames were played out.  The point of this tedious rant is that even with having missed the big show biz finish to both Braves games this season, they've been damn fun to watch, and Suttle World holds out hope that it will be drawn to greater interest in the ball club this year.

...Objection/Inquiry---"Hold all tickets"!  This will be the subject of email to the chosen ones later today as well.  Its a you make the call:  Tampa Bay at Washington yesterday afternoon.  Washington trails by 2 going into bottom of ninth.  Nationals tie game at 6-6, and load the bases with one out.  Lazy fly ball down left field line---easy out, but deep enough to score the winning run tagging from third if caught.  Marlin left fielder makes conscious decision to let ball drop in the hopes it would drift foul.  Its heads up baseball, but didn't work out in that the ball landed a good foot in fair territory.  Nationals win.  Its scored a single???????!!!  Would anyone wish to consider error or fielder's indifference as alternatives here?  It is questions such as these that are why God invented beer. 

April 4, 2007

...If the official rain bucket in Augusta reads similar to that of the near inch recorded at stately Roberts/Suttle Manor over the past 12 hours (that included two power outages), there should be a bunch of red numbers on the scoreboards for tomorrow's opening round of The Masters.  If subpoenaed to the betting cage, Suttle World would have to take Tiger, but wagering on golf tournaments is so stupid as to be a non-starter.  In fact, Suttle World speculates that the pamphlet published by Gambler's Anonymous has that as one of its typical screening questions with which the gentle surfer is no doubt familiar in some form.  "Do you find you have trouble paying the bills each month because of your gambling?  Do you wager on professional golf tournaments?...  Answer 'yes' to three or more of these questions, and you may have a gambling problem."  

...SATURDAY!  SATURDAY!  SATURDAY!  Its official.  Last Sunday's rain postponed Wiffle Atlanta Opening Day will be made up Saturday, April 7 at the league's proud new home:  Stone Mountain Middle School.  The parabolicly (Suttle World can make up its own damn adverbs it wants!) improved Suttle World Senators are set to take on a strong Peach Bomber squad.  Game time 1:00.  Wiffle Atlanta Commissioner Jordan says that walk up sales are expected to be brisk, so the gentle surfer is advised to plan to come early to account for the crowds and traffic, or buy tickets online from the Senators page that is still woefully in need of work.

...Speaking of woeful web pages, let's cover this one more time for the gentle surfer who may not be up to speed.  The Suttle World home page has never attempted to hold itself out as anything grander than something akin to refrigerator art from a hockey helmet wearing, short bus riding second grader.  Add to Suttle Worlds' limited skills the FrontPage application that holds itself out as WYSISYG (pronounced "wizzy-wig" or what you see is what you get) when in fact this Microsoft application, like so many of its cousins that cannot suck enough, instead delivers WYSIWYWYG (pronounced : wizzy-we-wug or what you see is what you wish you got).  Bottom line:  Suttle World is well aware that the home page is in disarray as displayed on most PCs, although the pencils are in a neat little row when viewed in Suttle World HQ.  Suttle World is weighing options, including dreaded templates to give the home page a bit more, shall we say, universality/eye appeal.

...SOTD trivia---today may well be the all time biggest selling "one hit wonder" at 30 million strong and growing.  By record label math, Suttle World is convinced that must translate to at least $20,000 for each of the four Penguins over the last 53 years.

...The United States Congress, never confused with a MENSA meeting, would appear to be in need of some sort of intervention.  We run off Cynthia McKinney yet again, and everyone else goes stark raving nuts.  Let's call the roll.  John "Uncle Ernie" McCain is bumping around Baghdad wearing a flack jacket, surrounded by 100 troops with two helicopters overhead telling folks how safe it is now for Achmed to drop by the Piggly Wiggly  on his way home from the his job at the camel grooming shop.  Democrats know the President will veto the war and pork bill, but want to make a statement on behalf of the American people who overwhelmingly voted against efforts in Iraq last November.  A load of shit to be sure, but its their story, and they're sticking to it.  And we're also told of the urgency of the matter.  So urgent that no conference committee was even appointed, much less is working on a compromise bill to send down Pennsylvania Ave. for the promised veto before everyone went bye-bye on spring break.  Then there's Speaker Pelosi, who, unfortunately will probably not appear in this years edition of Girls Gone Wild---Spring Break 2007, as she is preoccupied running American foreign policy with Syria.  And sorry to bring back repressed freighting memories boys and girls, but Charlie Rangel is Chairman of the Ways and Means Committee.  Nurse!

...Props to Pat Summit and the Vol chicks on their seventh national championship (of 26 awarded) by beating Rutgers last night; but Suttle World hastens to join the chorus of folks who are of the mind that college women's hoops desperately needs more than a half dozen perennial power houses for interest in the game to grow (professional women's hoops/WNBA desperately needs to just go away).  Not to blame Tennessee, but a bit of parity across the fruited plane would make things a tad more entertaining.

...By now the gentle surfer is no doubt aware that forecasters are predicting a "very active" hurricane season ahead.  These same forecasters will also readily admit that its a very inexact science.  What is certain is that whether the storm season is active, normal or below normal, the cause will be global warming.  Same deal for that flat tire you had a couple weeks ago---global warming.  Look for your chance to purchase Suttle World Carbon Offsets---coming soon to a browser near you.

April 3, 2007

...We now return to our regularly scheduled programming...an unexpected turn of events last week prompted a passage to Suttle World's western North Carolina satellite office.  Due to yet another blunder by the ever inept Suttle World staff, none of the easy, necessary steps were taken to affect remote publication.  Suffice to say all are reasonably well, and thanks to all who have expressed their concerns and thoughts over the past several days.  

...Move over Johnny Vander Meer!  As the Daily Racing Form often says, Florida "breezed" to a repeat championship last night, and in doing so has accomplished what no NCAA Division I school has done or will ever do again---the whole repeat, repeat with same starters, along with football national championship deal with which the gentle surfer is all too familiar.  For the average citizen of Gator Nation its undies changing time.  For the alum who is a fan, it must be a euphoria beyond understanding, and for the average third year student, its Ruthian history being lived up close and personal.  From the stranger things have been known to happen department---like, say Bobby Cremins' u-turn on the interstate, Suttle World would put the chances of Donovan staying in the 75-80% range.  Talk of Kentucky is merely a negotiation tool in a year in which his contract is up.

...And so ends an NCAA tournament that was perhaps below average in the EQ (Excitability Quotient) overall, but still most entertaining, and in an odd way.  Saturday was the second of five High Holy Days on the Suttle World sports calendar and proved, unlike most years, to be more entertaining than the first wild weekend of 48 games.  It would seem that the Final Four has a lot in common with the Super Bowl with regard to the actual play often often being a letdown, and while Florida pretty much controlled the the final 35 minutes of last night's affair, the 2007 Final Four happily proved the exception in the EQ department.  At this writing it would seem as though the ATL did a reasonably good job at hosting the event.  The Chicks finish up tonight, with Tennessee (yawn) winning its seventh of the 27 women's championship awarded by beating Rutgers in a game set for 8:30 (EDT) on ESPN.

...And here comes sports High Holy Day three of five in a mere five days when the final round of the Masters rolls around this Sunday.  With a lot of catching up to do, Suttle World will withhold further comment on this year's invitational until later, excepting:  From the Lindbergh made it department comes word from the tote board showing Tiger as the favorite at $115!!!! (for the gambling impaired, that's basically even money for dude to win the tournament as opposed to any of the other 96 players)  Phil is $550, Ernie is $900 and the rest of the field would all pay a large four figures.  Suttle World has not found a Tiger v. the field offering, but is attempting to procure same.  Mr. Weatherman is calling for nippy early tee times in the upper thirties all four days, but nothing but sunshine and most pleasant high temps in the upper sixties.  This will be the first of 15 spectacular weekends of weather guarantees the Committee so shrewdly negotiated with God in exchange for raining out the first round in 60 years that Suttle World tried to attend in '03.  A good chance of thunderstorms both today and Wednesday could soften things up for some wild and crazy scoring come Thursday afternoon.

...And if that's not enough excitement sports fans, consider that the Frozen Four cranks up Thursday as well.  Games will be televised on ESPN 2 starting with Maine versus Michigan State at 3 p.m. followed by North Dakota and BC at 7 p.m., with the championship match inconveniently set for Sunday afternoon at 2:30 (ESPN2).  Of course, this means its time for the annual Suttle World admonishment to the gentle surfer who may not be a hockey fan.  Even though there are conflicts with The Masters, watch this stuff!  Its the only college hockey Suttle World sees in any given year, but the intensity of play is well worth the time for any sports fan.  BC is the favorite at 2:1, followed by North Dakota (5:2), Michigan State (11:4), and Maine (13:5).

...Wiffle Atlanta proved no worse for the wear in the absence of Suttle World for opening day, largely because play was postponed due to rain.  Easter Sunday play/this weekend has been pulled from the schedule as well, but there is a strong possibility of a make up game, at least for the Senators, this Saturday.  Details to follow, or, as always, at the aforementioned link.

...A short two word memo to Attorney General Gonzales:  leaf blower.

...The cold shower works every time with regard to plant fornication as the Atlanta pollen count rolls in today at 675, down some 5300 ppm from the record levels of late last week.

...And so ends the now once again up and running Suttle World update, publishing from stately Roberts/Suttle Manor that enjoys an extra glistening appearance due to the diligence and sheer presence of the world's greatest wife Yolanda, nephew "this is my freakin' spring break" Ridge, and, of course the triumphant, albeit probably temporary, return of Suttle World. 

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